gemWOMAN Vol 1 No. 5

ISSN-1597-9369

Vol. 1 No. 3

25 fun and creative

things to do this christmas

Foods to avoid this christmas

and the healthy alternatives

Tips for Career Change

negotiating your way up

Is there life after a divorce?

Designs by

House of Henri afrocentric designs

as Christm 07 20 Edition N600

Yewande

ZacCheaus

Driven by purpose

Unburdening agonies with aunt kk

Publisher/CEO Bola Olawale

PA TO Publisher Yemi Ibrahim

Editorial adviser Dele Magbor Editor Bode Modupe Editorial aSSISTANT Omobolanle Ajide Design / Print Production Consultancy Cypress Hill +234-1-8166825, 803 306 8091, 802 827 3528

Columnists Bimpe Bamgbose-Martins Morayo Fawehinmi Eyiyemi Rogbiyin Kehinde Adollo Tony Akinyemi Bisi Ibitayo Hannah Oyebanjo Olatinpo Odutola Contributors Victor Adeyemi Kemi Ajumobi Bunmi Fadare Wunmi Agunbiade Ochee Bamgboye Peter Yakubu Alero Adollo Omokorede Fasoro Advisory Board Tunji Adeyinka Olaitan Awosika Toun Osikoya

gemwoman is published in Nigeria by GEM publications Ltd, © 2007. All Rights Reserved.

For subscriptions and advert enquiries, please call or visit: House 19, Unit 4, LSDPC Estate, Lola Holloway Street, Omole Phase I, Lagos, Nigeria.

Tel: +234-1-2302626, 0803 302 1171. ISSN-1597-9369 e-mail: info@gemwoman.com web: www. gemwoman.com

gemwoman | November/December 2007

Reason Season

the

for the

A time to share gifts Send people messages that will give them a lift.

A time to feast Spend time with those who can’t afford a meal, After all Jesus is the reason for the season.

Everyone prepares towards this season, As long as they are concerned, it’s for a just reason.

There’s so much activity, Everyone is caught up in the euphoria of the festivity.

Hope they remember Jesus is the reason for the season.

A TIME of refreshing and excitement, A DAY never to be forgotten.

A DATE stuck in the memories of even the children.

A MONTH that prepares you for newness.

A SEASON of joy that knows no boundaries.

Celebrating Jesus the reason for the season.

Be it ‘Father Christmas’ in Africa or ‘Santa Claus’ in America.

Be it a ‘travel’ to the village or a ‘trip’ to Disney World in Florida.

Be it ‘Merry Christmas’ in a home and ‘Complements of the Season’ in another.

Be it a ‘hamper delivery’ to a family or ‘My mama say make I give you this’ to another.

Be it a ‘handshake and God bless you’ in a church or ‘Christmas Party’ in another.

Be it December 25th or December 30th.

The crux of the matter is that a Saviour was born, He is Jesus the reason for the season.

While celebrating The Divine Celebrity, Let’s not forget the reality While we are serving God in truth and sincerity, We can partake in the divinity Of our Lord and Saviour who was born for humanity.

That we may reign with Him till eternity, Jesus our reason for the season.

- Ke m i Aj umob i

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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c ont ri bu tor s

PETER YAKUBU, is the Senior Pastor of the Prevailing Life Ministries (Prevailers’ Arena) in Ikeja. He is passionate about the Word of God. He loves the Lord and enjoys fellowship with God’s people. He is called with a message of hope and deliverance. A graduate of Obafemi Awolowo University, he is married to Abimbola Patricia. Together they are blessed with three children; Amanda, Jesusa and Davies

EYIYEMI OLIVIA ROGBIYIN holds a B.sc in Architecture but currently runs her own tailoring, make-up and head tie outfit called Olivia concept. She is a very confident and lovable person who also MC’s at occasions. Married to Kolawole, she absolutely adores GOD.

BISI IBITAYO, is a teacher by training and also a teacher of the word. She believes anyone who wants to be relevant in these times must be well informed and the best way is by reading. Olabisi is married to Ademola a lawyer and they are blessed with two children - Oreoluwa and Oluwaseyi.

A graduate of the University of Lagos, with a First Degree in Economics and a Masters Degree in Business Administration from Cardiff University, South Wales, UK, KEHINDE ADOLLO has a gift for writing inspirational poems and recitations. Her passion is to inspire people. The pebbles section expresses that side of her.

VICTOR ADEYEMI oversees the Global Harvest Churches of Nigeria and Britain. He also travels extensively as an evangelist and lives in Ibadan Nigeria with his wife Jumoke and their four children. He writes the we’ve got male column.

Ochee Vivienne Bamgboye Change Management Consultant, Trainer, Social Development Specialist with extensive management experience in the United Kingdom and Nigeria, including COO of LEAP Africa and Senior Manager Vic Lawrence and Associates. Currently working as a Consultant with the Transformation Task Team at the Federal Ministry of Education. Married With Three Children

A simple, down to earth woman with a heart that feels after the very truth of God’s word, MORAYO MOSUNMOLA FAWEHINMI is a business woman who prefers to be regarded as a minister of God in the market place. She is the MD/CEO of Motayo Foods and Health Products as well as other businesses through which she serves the Lord.

Morayo lives in Lagos with her dear husband, Dr. Temitayo Fawehinmi and they are blessed with five children.

BIMPE BAMGBOSE-MARTINS a teacher and an exhorter obtained a Bachelors degree in Economics from the University of Ibadan. As the Affectionately Yours colunmnist, she naturally gravitates towards women in distressed relationships. Bimpe loves reading exhorting and speaking about God’s faithfulness. She has a passion for building lives and giving hope to those that are downcast. Bimpe and her husband, Omotayo have been married for 16 years and they are blessed with 3 lovely daughters.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

TONY AKINYEMI a “Health Enthusiast”, is the Senior Pastor of The Shepherd’s Flock International Church, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria.

He is called and anointed of God to raise a Holy, Healthy and Highly successful people for God. He is the host of a weekly tv programme “Healthy Living”. Rev. Tony holds a degree in Computer Engineering and a degree in Theology.

ALERO ADOLLO a career banker with a B.A. in English and a Masters in International Law and Diplomacy, Post Graduate Diploma in Theology. She is a mother of one son and a passionate writer.

She says “People look up and see the skies I look up and see the heavenlies”.

BUNMI FADARE as the MD of Spices & Pastries, a catering services company, she see her catering business as a divinely inspired gift from God. She contributes to the Martha’s Place.

KEMI AJUMOBI is a graduate of Philosophy with a passion for Music and Poetry. Her philosophy is built on God and His divine purpose for humanity, which resounds in her works.

HANNAH OYEBANJO is the Marketing Director (Consumer Healthcare) of GlaxoSmithKline Nig Plc. A member of the Chartered Institute of Marketing (UK) and an Associate member of the Nigerian Marketing Association. Hannah holds a Barchelor of Science Degree in Chemistry and a Masters Degree in Business Administration. She is happily married to Pastor Ayo Oyebanjo and they are blessed with a set of twin boys, Ileri Oluwa and Iseun Ife Oluwa.

WUNMI AGUNBIADE is an educationist and the proprietress of Tender Cradle School.

She is very passionate about bringing up children in the way of the Lord. She is married to Pastor Sola Agunbiade and they are blessed with children.

O mokorede A dewale Fasoro is a Writer and Speaker.

She is also the host of a quarterly programme called Women of Essence seminars under the auspices of Maximum Impact Int‘l Consult, a Personal and Management development outfit she oversees based in Lagos, Nigeria. The life changing seminars are aimed at helping women to discover their hidden potentials and pursue with passion their life’s purpose.

OLATINPO ODUTOLA the fashion editor is a graduate of Psycology from London Metropolitan University. Her love for style and fashion is evident in her Simply Chic column.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

xpress yourself

pebsbelelbsbep ollodA ednihe by K yKehi b nde Adol

lo

What’s on your mind? Share it with us.

Write to: gemwoman, P. O. Box 3773, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria. or E-mail: xpress@gemwoman.

We would require your full name, address and phone number to publish your correspondence.

S

hakespeare wrote in Taming of the shrew: “And frame you r mind to mirth and merriment, whi ch bars a thousand har ms and lengthens life… ”

Please Note: Letters chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity. in-laws

0803 378 0424

the law of

Picture: Paul,

0803 390 5457

| Make-up: Bukky,

Simply Wonderful!

You guys are simply wonderful and that is no mere saying. since I got the first copy of gemwoman I’m always anticipating what else you guys could possibly come out with but you’ve not stopped ‘wowing’ me.

Light Reflections, Pebbles and my ultimate favorite....The Law of inlaws are the bomb! No female magazine has been able to combine all the age brackets together, the way you guys do it. Need I say more?

The benefits

of laughter

In Relationsh ips Laughter introd uces a positiv e climate and connects people… A ready will attract others smile to you.

In the Work place Laughter reduc es mental stress , and improves job performance as a happy heart responds better to challe nges.

In the Home front Laughter encou rages intima cy and bonding in the family. It promo tes within us the feel good factor.

Listed below are a few ways to have a good laugh : i. Watch come dies, cartoons, hospitals have discovered that funny videos help with rehab ilitation. ii. Read humo rous books I personally recommend 2100 laughs for all occasions by Robert Orben iii. Visit friend s who lift up your spirit, and have a good laugh. iv. Decide within yourself to be happy and you will find many things laugh about. to

I have often wondered why is no medication there to activate laught There are pills er. for insomnia, stress depression, headaches, ch is abut no one, (to my knowl pee edge) has been l erfu able discover drugs pow to for laught Health our Laughter is apart ofer. state of hilarity Laughter impro ; mirth etc and the ves blood book ofke up as circulation and helps to says “A merry ma Proverbs 17; boost the immu there 22 reduc heart doeth ne system, e pain etc. women,good like medicine, but a broken spirit rse a a Laugh at yourse coudrieth the bones.” A beaut is of lf, do iful woman was to e once allow uncomplimentary not asked what the tim a secret and to her beauty speak her nwas remarks to get you down, look e tonse ofte timrespo was simple ture at life from the learnt to take lifeet.

Our cul : “I have the point of view be qui easy and laugh of the cup is ace of half full rather s the voi lot” . It than half empty suppresse ent . When, life her detrim throws you a punch, take it woman to ak out ant•to spe not out in your stride. is import and ld Affirm yourself, be Laug l bui is when it wilhing troy. We joyous and optimistic ion to des trat con tagious, that in- create a “me” time, have of frus I let your hair down remember you andfun, sho so uld keep peo like laugple and laugh… hing You may to aws think laws are in-l o there als and is nothing to spread often laugh about, who are the joy. because as well. life can be unfair. others • in the

S

r to a daughte ried). gemwoman | SI paid a visit ntly got mar with eptember/OctOber 2007 o just rece She shared Lord (wh a friend, a conI went with eavesdropped on she d and us on how her husban week between ed them a versation when he visit n the father his father . Upo r wedding e was fast brid after thei new er in val, the in law’s arri sitting room; the fath ght asleep in the she was sleeping brou key g law assumin and gave his son the was e get out his bibl marriage. The nug in n to the liste er to success must nev lead was sure to that his son ted wife as she e he quo voice of his The scriptur him astray. said, Adam he was: “And unto ed unto the Gen 3:17, rken hast hea n of Because thou wife, and hast eate , thy manded thee voice of which I com cursed the tree, of shalt not eat of it: u sorrow saying, Tho for thy sake; in nd s of thy day the is the grou eat of it all shalt thou Abraham life;” argued that ar took Hag He further we to Sarah and also listened wife, and this is why t Eas nd as a seco the Middle crisis in her by shar have the aged our enc ut the today. I then n from God abo voice latio cord and ing a reve the vocal of lanexercise of art, a definite form e or an uag g lang bein y box bod inct from guage dist /OctOber 2007 | September gemwoman

61

Womka,n speliaes power therein

Bukola Oladipo

Can regular laughter prolon g life?

The old saying that ‘’laughter is the best medicine’’ is no fallacy because it protects the heart, emoti ons and thoughts etc.

nmi

o Fawehi

by Moray

20

Wow!

I now understand

I love the way AGE was addressed in July/August edition. Dressing your age was what caught my fancy. I wish it was more detailed.

I read one of your articles and I was inspired by it. There were somethings I didn’t understand but now I know better thank you and the Lord will continue to increase you.

Wow! Kemi Ajumobi’s poem on age was great. I think she is specially talented.

I have not stopped reading that poem.

Thank you.

Adefila Folasade Lautech, Ogbomosho, Oyo, Nigeria.

Yinka Sijuwade Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria.

A true blessing I am glad I came across gem woman on line it has really transformed my life and changed my way of thinking.

simply chic

Thanks to God Almighty for the inspiration.

D ressing yo

Iyama Judith Ojodu, Lagos, Nigeria.

D

Addicted

ur age

by Olatinpo Odutola

ressing appropriately is an obligation you owe yourself. Each put on sends out a outfit you signal about who you say you are rather you are. Even more, than what it says how you expect to be treated. It becomes absolutely importan t that you dress appropri rather than dressing ately to define your above your age either age, to earn more respect your age just ‘to belong’, or dressing below or to be seen as trendy.

French and Italian fashion houses recognis e this and have different different occasions, as well as ages; Dolce lines to suit and Gabbana is one D&G is designed for line, D&G is another. casuals (jeans) while Dolce and Gabbana formal wear. The desire is for evening and to ‘dress mature’ is not a license for dressing drab.

You guys are just too much. You are bringing good news to this nation and generation. Your articles are simply and strictly godly, this makes you stand out.

Dressing to fit

20’s

It’s the time of youth and there’s always a tendenc y to show off. Trashy shows off too, so what’s the difference? I reckon style should be key.

Keep yourself abreast with fashion styles and dress accordingly. Note that this is not the time to be overtly conserva tive. Apart from wanting to look good for yourself , your prospect would not like to feel that he is dating make up should be natural his mother! Your and light during the day but stunning for an evening occasion.

It is also educative. NO junk, inspiring, encouraging and challenging.

I am now addicted!

Your make up shoul

d be

natural and light

during the day but

stunning for an evening occasion.

18

Adedoyinsola Adetayo Oto Ijanikin, Lagos, Nigeria.

Tomi Ajakaiye, 20 year old graduate loves travelling and meeting new people wears clothes that make her comfortable.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

10

gemwoman | November/December 2007

xpress yourself Gem never lets me down

Go on Gem!

Dear Gem woman, Hope you are keeping well? Attached are my thoughts.

Vol. 1 No. 2

Struggling TIPS FOR MOTHERS: with infertility cease from worry “Too stupid to learn”.

I strongly believe Are children naughty by nature? this statement is that ensuring your child turns out right of a defeatist and a Overcoming pessimist. All over hypertension there certainly is a cure the world some have children who are Faith or Foolishness challenged in their making the right choice performance at school Designs and in life. Educational OyiNADe

by Regalia exquisitely designed No looking back Centers that suggest UnbUrdening agonies with aUnt kk otherwise should be closed down. While l use this medium to encourage parents who have this challenge to NEVER GIVE UP on their children. They are your only HOPE. Channel your resources available to you. Do not believe the report of men and the devil. Believe and pray.

I bless the name of the lord for this beautiful and inspiring magazine. It indeed ministers to the soul.

I can’t just do without getting my copy each time the magazine comes out.

May you grow from strength to strength in Jesus name. AMEN. Go on GEM, the sky is the beginning.

Balogun Motunrayo Akute, Lagos, Nigeria.

7 ct. 200 Sept./O 0 N50

Aje

LAUGH AND LEARN: Thank you for this information. I will do this more often with my children.

LIGHT REFLECTIONS: His grace is SUFFICEINT in areas of our life’s that we believe we have failed. It’s not OVER. There is hope at the end of the tunnel. The day will break. Your dawn shall come and it will speak.

FISCAL FITNESS: Thanks for the tips. I have drawn up a plan to clean up my debtors list. Its amazing how this works. My list is clearing out.

PEBBLES: “Laugh it off”. I agree with your findings and will admit that laughter brings healing to our souls.

Lastly, Gem woman you have never let me down. Each edition both past and current is in-depth and thorough. Very Impressive.

Keep it up Laura Suwa Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.

I’ve been blessed I was introduced to Gem woman in march. since, then i have not missed any edition. The articles are inspiring and I have been blessed.

Omobolanle Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria.

Well done!

You are doing a great job. Well done!

I read each issue over and over again because each time I pick it up, it feels like it’s the first time. I get to see life differently. it really inspires ME to aspire.

Best wishes.

Yetunde Omo-loto Ojodu-Berger, Lagos, Nigeria.

Impressive!

Very impressive what i see is a blend of real spirituality and fun.

Jedidiah Ejigbo, Lagos, Nigeria.

Thank you!

You have been a great source of inspiration so much so that my fiance has decided to pay the subscription fee for the whole of next year!! thank you gemwoman!! God bless you.

Fasehun Abimbola Opebi, Lagos, Nigeria.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

11

Contents 15.Light Reflections At the nick of time

Columns

Health & Lifestyle

16.Affectionately Yours

76.Here’s to Health

Unrealistic Expectations

FEATURE

46.Turning your

‘curse into a cause’ Life as a challenged parent of a challenged child

26.The law of in-laws

88.Martha’s Place

It’s Time for Peace

A taste of Africa

48.Little Gems

Understand their Language

Fashion

18.Simply Chic Accessorise with Flair

Stepping Out in Style 40. Creative Designs from ‘House of Henri’

52.Singled Out

Is there life after a Divorce?

54.Profession of Faith Tips for Career Change

58. Home and You

beauty Face 2 Face 31. Party Hairdo 32. Get Rid of that Ugly Feeling

Easy Ways to add the Christmas Spirit to Your Home

62. Fiscal Fitness

Pebbles 64.

65.

75.

78.

Foods to avoid this Christmas and the Healthy Alternatives

Packaged from Above

I am Dreaming of a Calm Christmas Does Red Define Christmas Santa Claus is Coming to Town 25 Fun and Creative things to do this Christmas

66. Feminique

Freedom of Expression

48

80.We’ve Got Male When the Tables turn in Your Home

82.Motivational In Every Season

96.Unburdening Agonies

88 12

Share it with aunty KK

16 gemwoman | November/December 2007

34.

Cover Interview

Yewande Zaccheaus the CEO of Eventful Management Company speaks on her time in God’s waiting room and much more.

She is driven by purpose.

You only have one life, so live it to the fullest. If you have a song to sing, a book to write, a child to nurture, a business to start, a career to develop, a ministry to launch...the time is NOW.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

13

light reflections

at the nick of time

gemwoman | November/December 2007

His timing is perfect and He will appear at the nick of time.

Be assured it is your season. For the time to favour you, yea the set time is come.

15

Picture: Original Intentions | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

T

he D-day was finally here. Everywhere was in pink and white looking nicer than I had envisioned. Esther’s harem was the décor, I wanted to achieve. Don’t ask me if I was present in Esther’s days just my imagination playing up as usual. Fabrics draped everywhere with flowers and candles.

Indeed, the decorator had seen into my mind’s eye. As I looked around to see the beautiful faces of the women that came, I couldn’t help but reminisce about the faithfulness of our God. It seemed like eons ago that I was tempted to cancel the programme due to lack of funds.

I knew I had confirmed from the lord that this was what he wanted me to do and had prayed so why were things not falling to place? This was the first programme organised by gem and couldn’t afford for it to fail. I shared my fears with my husband who is the ever optimist “it will be okay” He says, but there are bills to pay I replied and he smiled in that way that makes me feel like a five year old. “If He sent you to do it then He will handle it”. How reassuring! I thought; Somehow, I needed more than that.

I needed to see the money and things being paid for.

One evening, while watching a Christian channel I saw that a programme scheduled to be held in South Africa was cancelled and everyone promised a full refund. Eh! Eh! I said to myself this was a big woman of God from America cancelling her programme.

That was what I was going to do. After all, only a few women had paid. A few days later, I got a text message about a conference that was to be postponed so, I began to toy with the idea of not an outright cancellation but a postponement. The Saturday before the programme; I did what I usually do when I am at my wits end. Talk to him in plain and simple terms like; “Jehoshaphat” screamed at the face of imminent death during a battle “HELP”. I began to tell him everything; the various challenges and different quotations on my table that needed to be dealt with. How I was afraid to fail. Etc. Suddenly, I heard him speak in that calm voice that I have come to treasure so much.

He said “It is time to walk on water……… then you will see my splendour and my majesty”. Something in me leaped. Isn’t it a great privilege to hear from God? That was all I needed. A week to the programme; Only 7 tickets sold, somehow all that did not matter.

I had the Lord telling me to go on and that was what I needed. True to his word BODY, SOUL & SPIRIT WAS A REALITY AND A SUCCESS. Every aspect of the programme was awesome. The word was life changing. As people came and commented on how wonderful the programme was and how organised we were, I smiled coyly if only they knew. I am sure looking forward to the next one as it will become a yearly event. My God is indeed faithful.

It is that season again when we begin to take stock of the year. For some, it has been a very challenging time and you are wondering what is there to rejoice about; still no husband, no job, no baby, no apparent progress and it feels like another year is coming to an end with nothing to show for it. Why does it seem like God waits until the last minute? I can’t say but I know he is always on time. If he could fund a conference in a few days be assured He’ll do much more for you. He doesn’t work by our time. Someone once said God created man: man created time and man wants to use time to control God. His timing is perfect and He will appear at the nick of time. Be assured it is your season. For the time to favour you, yea the set time is come (Psa 102:13b). Believe it and look forward to seeing the fulfilment of His word in your life.

Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas. Do have fun. Get excited about the New Year for he sure has great things planned for us.

Remain in love with Him for He never fails.

affectionately yours

Unrealistic Expectations

by Bimpe Bamgbose-Martins

“No one gets married with the expectation of being bossed around and uncared for by the very one who made forever promises to love, cherish and honor you, at least I didn’t.”

Photo by Dan Shirley

Early on in our marriage, my husband was my companion, helper, and friend. We did everything together, he helped me with the housework and kids without being asked, he remembered my birthday and our anniversary and always had a card and gift available and really made me feel loved. He was my friend, companion, lover and brother. Now I feel like he is my boss, slave driver and cell mate. Where did the man I married go to? I find myself asking’ Some couples have had to make

16

only minimal adjustments and concessions while others have encountered monumental conflicts as they see their mates change …or not change. I know we have different expectations when it comes to change, but I must say after marriage some have changed in some ways their spouse’s didn’t expect or haven’t changed in some ways their spouse’s expected.

Some marriage relationships have been altered incredibly because of a job, emotional stress and the demands of parenthood. Let me also add that di-

verse social, educational background, cultural and personality differences also take their toll on our relationships.

All these factors are normally not considered when going into marriage and as such a lot of spouses begin to complain after a few years saying this was not what I bargained for.

A friend of mine actually believed her husband would continue to sing to her after they got married as he used to sing to her while courting. She was very hurt when she found out this was not to happen in marriage. Many of us have to admit to some unrealistic expectations of what marriage will be like.

‘We would settle all quarrels before the sun goes down’ ‘We will never quarrel because we are both Christians’ ‘He’ll always help out in the kitchen when I am tired’.

‘He should prefer to spend his evenings with me rather than his friends’ These and many more are some of our expectations that prove to be unrealistic. The list goes on……Am sure you’ll have a couple of yours to add to this list.

But then are they really unrealistic?

Each marriage is peculiar and what might be the order of the day in one home might differ from the other.

Many couples now have several unaddressed issues in their marriage, subjects that are of great concern but perhaps, to date, they have not been discussed by spouses. As I listened to Joke a married woman of 8yrs, I wondered what else she had silently swallowed even though she didn’t like.

For example, it took a few years before she could tell her out going/socializing gemwoman | November/December 2007

affectionately yours husband that she was not a fan of social events and “owambe”. Finally she had to say something about it and let him know that her idea of a thrill or romantic outing did not include spending Friday till Sunday evening attending one function or another. Thankfully, this time he took it well. Once he understood her reservations he made amends and began to have dinner & cinema dates with her instead.

In their case, we can clearly see the reward of communication. As I wondered why Joke had waited so long before addressing her desire and her dashed expectation, I realised that couples remain silent for reasons that range from being afraid to talk to being convinced that if they did, their opinion would not be considered important nor their wishes valid so it wouldn’t do any good.

In order for our marriages to be a success, couples need to work at it together. A friend once said, “But it’s hard to feel like a teammate when there are times he treats me or makes me feel more like a cell mate. When I ask a question, he often makes me feel dumb. He seats down and watches TV, sports to be precise, and never asks if I need help with our kids and never offers. To make matters worse, when he jokes about my being a homemaker, he says it’s not a “real” job.”

All I need is for him to tell me that he loves me and compliment me at the job I do as a mother and wife. I know this will make me want to do more. I regularly thank him for providing for me and the children and tell him how glad I am to have him in my life but he chooses not to reciprocate. In my marriage, compliments and affirmations have become another unrealistic expectation. It seems my once romantic husband now considers the show of love as a sign of weakness, childishness or immaturity.”

Ada’s Concern “I understand his stress load at work so I make sure he has some relaxing time in the evening. But shouldn’t he undergemwoman | November/December 2007

stand I need more than a husband who pays the bills. Shouldn’t he show interest in family affairs, know the children and understand them. When I try to brooch the subject he says what more do you want I pay the children’s school fees, pay the rent …………….We all want and need love. But I am made to believe I am expecting too much considering the fact that he meets his financial responsibilities Can I not have it all?. Please tell me, is this an unrealistic expectation?” Ada asked me in bewilderment.

I am sure the admissions of these women ring a bell of familiarity in your heart.

These couples are just not communicating and getting their message across.

So much more can be accomplished if the two assist each other. A key remedy for making our expectations

protest, appeal, command and so on.

While the second means is nonverbal communication through the use of signs or signals such as facial expressions and body language. Communication goes beyond words. Everything a couple does in the presence of one another communicates.

Dos And Don’ts For Effective/ Successful Communication In Marriage If you are to be free to confide and express yourself with each other, there are certain things you must take into consideration.

1. Choice of Time We must learn to watch the mood of our partner before we bring up issues.

If his mood is not favorable, don’t push it, be patient and postpone the discussion to a more appropriate time. Many

Good communication in any marriage, brings about peace, rest and joy. in marriage a reality is good communication. Whenever you find a couple that know and understand each other.

It is because they communicate a lot in their relationship.

Statistics show that many marriages have failed because of poor communication.

Good communication in any marriage, brings about peace, rest and joy.

Through effective communication, you will soon realise that there are some things that are just not important enough to make a big deal of.

Means of Communication There are two major ways you can pass on a message, share ideas, knowledge, feelings or emotions with your spouse.

The first means is through verbal communication which includes discussion, argument, debate, rebuke,

of us women ere in this regard, we just want to say it as it is and pour our heart out there and then. And many times we pay dearly making matters worse and ending up with more hurt.

Early in the morning, when you should be getting ready for work or the use of phone calls and text messages during working hours is not an ideal time or manner to discuss serious issues. At such times, your spouse is not likely to be patient or attentive enough to hear you so discussions can easily be misunderstood.

Whenever you want to discuss your partner’s short-coming, pray first because the truth they say is bitter and most people don’t like to be corrected.

2. Choice of Words Col. 4 :6 ; Eph. 4 :29 Saying the right thing the wrong way is continued on page 72 17

simply chic

Accessorise with

by Olatinpo Odutola

Dressing up in red If used properly, the colour red can be a powerful tool for dressing. Apart from its brightness, it connotes confidence.

Nevertheless, it’s not everyone who wears red do so with poise. Some people could be so loud in their use of the colour that it loses its beauty. It becomes so

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unattractive that it discourages others from wearing it at all. You could wear a red blouse with red bags and shoes, but it becomes exaggerated when you add a red rose brooch; red necklace, earrings, bracelets, and ring; red hair accessories; a red belt; a red wristwatch; red lipstick, red nails, red eye shadow; red ‘all’. We must therefore resist the temptation to wear ‘everything red’, all at once. Most times, our desire to show off our wardrobe overshadows our dress sense.

The colour red means more than just danger. Blood is red, so there is something in us that draws us to it, in different ways. Red gives us a good chance of creating a lasting impression. Aside from the fact that it easily catches the attention of others, it is also an extremely emotionally intense colour. It increases our rate of respiration and blood pressure, which is one of the reasons manufacturers and retailers use red significantly in their sale reduction adverts. The management of commercial industries seem to understand the power of colour red. This could account for why many top banks have their logos in red. Red is also significantly used in advertising. Since red is so vibrant, we must ensure that the impression we create is that of dignity, and

not humour.

By so doing, we must remember one rule of thumb- a little bit of red goes a long way. Red is so powerful a colour that small splashes do a better job than a total red look. For the perfect outfit, a red pair of shoes, a red bag, and red jewellery accessories is all right. A red bag and a red belt is good combination. A red pair of shoes, with a catchy red brooch, is fine. Outfits that are not completely red but have streaks of red are ideal for a casual look.

However, there are two places where even the most sublime of reds will not work - the interview and the workplace. A bright red skirt suit in an office will make you look overbearing.

However, a red jacket over black trousers is a preferred combination.

Another way in which red might not go so well is how we wear it. For instance, an overly bright red lipstick, and even nail polish, gives off a sensual aura, giving one the wrong type of attraction. Although this colour does attract the opposite sex, ensure that they are being drawn for the right reasons. If approached, don’t get too carried away.

Remember: what you want might be a meaningful friendship, and not just another meaningless relationship.

Even if it’s a contract you are trying to procure, you don’t want to come off as though you are willing to do anything to get it. Do you?

When in red, you don’t only attract gemwoman | November/December 2007

simply chic

the attention of the opposite gender, but every gender. Red is such a powerful colour that even people of your gender will notice you in it, either in a positive or negative light. For instance, if you wear a beautiful red dress to a party, especially in this Christmas period, you will definitely attract attention.

As you look good in red, remember to keep a good facial expression; it will add to the impression you are trying to create. However, just as smiling in red will attract and draw people to you, a frown will leave in them unpleasant memories about you. So keep smiling in red.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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simply chic

20

gemwoman | November/December 2007

simply chic

Red gives us a good chance of creating a lasting impression.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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simply chic How to look great in black & white Black and white doesn’t have to be drab, it can also be feminine.

Many fashion experts predict it may stick around for a very long time.

Also a variation on the trend comes in mixing black with off white or nude. If you want a crisp look, you wear black and white. If you want something a little more subdued, then you choose black and nude.

22

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the law of in-laws

It’s time for

Peace A

by Morayo Fawehinmi

friend of mine turned fifty five last month and decided to make it an ‘old-flames’ affair. She invited a couple of us who had been her childhood friends to an all girls, all expenses paid weekend at the Obudu cattle ranch holiday resort. This was a week after she celebrated her thirtieth wedding anniversary. You can bet we had the fun of our lives. Yours truly seized the opportunity to unwind from the spent routine life of Lagos. The writer in me cannot help but share a bit of the ‘gems’ I gleaned from that wonderful time out with the girls, away from our husbands, children and family, far from the maddening crowds of

city life.

We had stories to share of the good, the bad and the ugly. Eventually we narrowed it down to the unavoidable inlaw issue. The celebrant story paints a vivid picture for the topic in this issue.

She had had a running battle with her husband’s most senior sister from day one of her marriage. This mother of all battles came to a head when this sister in law walked my friend out of her daughter’s wedding on the premise that it was only her brother, the husband that was invited to the wedding 26

ceremony.

Thank goodness the husband was man enough to walk out on his sister and the whole wedding ceremony. No one missed the victorious glint in my friend’s eyes as she recalled her husband’s charge of ‘if you do not want my wife then you can’t have me’.

She narrated how he took her and majestically walked out with her from the ceremony claiming that if his wife was not welcome at the wedding he was not staying too. Love me love my dog you will say! It was a serious matter as the wedding took place in the United States of America and the couple traveled all the way from Nigeria purposely for the ceremony!

We all knew our friend had never been on good terms with her sister in law but we never knew things had gotten to a head and degenerated that low. The question on every one’s lips was for how long was this going to continue for my friend, After all she had been married for thirty years!

Why was nobody taking the initiative to settle this serious issue?

The house was divided as some placed the blame at my friend’s doorstep, some on the husband and others on the sister in law. The most embarrassing aspect of the whole issue to me is the fact that they are all supposed Christians!

The option of ironing issues out peacefully by dialogues, speaking the truth out, and in love in particular is gemwoman | November/December 2007

the law of in-laws one key that is guaranteed to work in such situations. The secret however is that such situations are better nipped in the bud than to allow it to degenerate like an uncared for putrefying sore.

While we were growing up, I could never get over the way the wives were always found ‘GUILTY’ by the arbitration parties and were usually instructed to tender unreserved apologies to the supposed offended party even in obvious cases where it was as glaring as the day that she had been wronged.

A friend of mine said she grew up confused as herself and her siblings were always coerced to join their mother to ask for forgiveness every time there was a misunderstanding. She said she was ever ready to go on her knees for offences she knew never existed! Her grouse was that her mum was never really given the opportunity to express herself or her side of the story.

You’ll be surprised to learn that this injustice is not outdated. Just last week, a sister in church shared with me of how an unsolicited arbitration panel set up to settle a ten year old quarrel between her and her mother in-law invited her for a secret pre-sitting meeting. She was instructed to keep mute all through the hearing and was asked to expressly decline any invitation to give her perspective of the problem. She was asked only to offer her unreserved apology to her mother in law. What a lie! What a life! Of course issues are never truly resolved that way. The best that could be achieved by such efforts would be a distant but cordial relationship. You can be assured that relationship remains a potential volcano waiting to erupt one day.

Freedom of expression of truth, and calling a spade a spade is fast becoming endangered today because the truth is always bitter and never goes down well with any offender. The antidote is that when such truth is seasoned with love it has a way of turning sweet in the belly despite its bitter taste in the mouth. It abides and brings convictions to hearts that are ready to flow gemwoman | November/December 2007

with God. The dilemma is that correct unbiased seasoning of truth with Love can only be achieved by him who is Love. Man does not have the capacity to season the truth with the right love as the average man is not only selfish, but also self-centered and this is the age where men are lovers of themselves. The fact that we all do have our BLIND SPOTS would hinder us from ever seeing the total picture on any issue.

Talking issues over immediately they happen is the safest. It helps to nip matters in the bud and affords us opportunity to see beyond our blind spots and see from other people’s perspectives, and not employing unrighteous tactics, scheming and plans as it was the practice in a lady’s home.

This beautiful sister shared with me the unrighteous tactics that was

for I know he being a man, by design, would never see the ‘nitty gritty’ details of such issues but only the head lines.

This is the way he has been wired by the manufacturer. Moreover, this was his mother we are talking about here, and this is his blind spot.

The lady kept on taking various doses of these malicious acts until she eventually got tired of stomaching it.

She devised a counter scheme when on one of the nights she opted to take the prayer session after her mother in law had preached at her again through her preaching. She retaliated by praying her perspective out to ‘God’ to every one’s hearing and ended the prayer by asking Him to avenge her and judge the situation!

This eventually caught her husband’s attention and he was forced to call for a meaningful talk out with the two women in his life. This was how

Talking issues over immediately they happen is the safest. It helps to nip matters in the bud and affords us opportunity to see beyond our blind spots and see from other people’s perspectives. the order of the day in her home. A very serious matter yet I could not hold back the ripples of laughter from my sides.

This is her story. Her mother in law who lives with her lives by the biblical principle; of not letting the sun goes down on her anger. Whenever there is a misunderstanding during the day, she would pout and whine until the evenings. On all of such nights she would volunteer to take the family altar worship and would preach at her through her sermons, using that platform to speak out her mind, argue her case and drive home her points.

The lady drew the husband’s attention to this peculiarity and your guess is as good as mine. The man dismissed his wife’s claims as unfounded, [By the way I do sympathize with him

the problem in this lady’s home was sorted out.

I tell you, the place of fruitful, balanced, talking over of issues in love can never be over emphasized. If one is sincere much can be achieved. The sincerity can actually be measured by the body language too.

Is there a peace talk you need to initiate? Is there some one that you need to reconcile with? Do not wait for the other party. The good book actually encourages the offended party to initiate the move. Why not if not? You will only be like your heavenly father who initiated his love to us while we were yet sinners.

So, set out to do this but make sure you’ve received a back up of love from the throne of grace.

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The Per fect Season, The Per fect gift...

Perfect Moments Now Out!

Perfect

Moments

A C o l l e c t i o n o f I n s p i r at i o n a l P o e m s

kehinde adollo “S oul lifting & inspiring poems”

NO MIND ME OH, I JUST DEY YAN! Your Career and Your Home 2 In the last edition, we started on ‘Your Career and Your Home’ how it is very possible to have a thriving career and still have a happy home.

Today, we conclude by giving you tips on how you can best maintain the balance.

• You just have to keep investing in your home - your husband and children even as you move up your career ladder. Carry them along. Make time to be together as a family. Show your husband the love and care he deserves; remember your primary role as a woman is to be a help-meet to him. Value time alone with your husband on a daily basis. Let him know you place a premium on the time you spend together. It could be as little as 30 minutes of your very busy day, maybe just watching the news together or just chatting over some sporting events on the TV. And you don’t have to like sports to do this. Sneak into his time and as time goes on, he will learn to respect that time and to reserve it for you.

• Make sure you devote sometime in a year, at least, two weeks to go on a holiday together. Where your children are young, you will have no choice than to take them along, but work out a day or two when you can leave them with a family member or friend so you can have time alone together with your husband. You will be surprised at the amount of bonding that will result from this.

• Invest in your children. Devote quality time to nurture and groom them, inculcating in them values that will equip them for the future. Show interest in what they do. Help with their studies if only on weekends.

Get to know their friends and the people they move with. Take them out once in a while and remember to spend time daily with the entire family.

Where you cannot have supper together spend at least 5 minute praying together either before going out in the morning or bed time in the evening.

Vacation with your children should be a priority. It doesn’t have to be in London or New York. If you cannot afford it, a beautiful resort in your city can be equally exciting.

If you do not learn to manage your home and career properly while you are still making your way up the ladder, you may find it difficult to do so when you reach the top of the ladder. As a matter of fact, you are most likely not to do better when you get to the top.

Woman, you are a multi-tasked creature. You are custom-made to handle the roles. So, just rise up to the challenge.

You can make a difference!

Pastor Taiwo Odukoya www.thewomanleader.org

gemwoman | November/December 2007

The year is fast coming to an end, for many it is littered with pieces of broken dreams dashed hopes, tears and pain and in genuine confusion they wonder what they have done wrong that a good God who has promised so much seems to have built a wall of silence to their incessant cry What a year………..I tell you life has blown many every which way because of our refusal to spiritually strategise by focusing on the ONLY one who can direct our path.

I tell you many people today are “born against Christ” because of the atrocities they commit in his name, it is distressing to see people call his name like a broken record but their actions speak an alien language. We daily rewrite the bible through our interpretation of what we believe God is saying vis a vis what he is actually saying.

There are those of us who sit back totally blasé to the events happening around us believing that we are insulated from the consequences of the mockery by others of our faith. This my sisters is a fallacy because if evil continues to thrive while good men do nothing, then the consequences will be borne by all, as no man lives in a vacuum.

To both I make bold to say Life is an enigma even to the brilliant. It is not a mathematical equation, and the ONLY one who has all the answers is the Creator.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people, we ponder as to WHY having been told in the good book that we reap what we sow, but no one has ever asked where the harvest takes place, here? Or in the hereafter.

Another year is about to be born, I tell you, it is best to look into the morrow and correct the mistakes of yesterday rather than dwelling on what is now in the abyss of history, dead and buried.

It is time to take stock and look up for guidance knowing that we cease to walk in the dark when the Lord becomes the light of our nights.

It is time to stand and be counted for God instead of mouthing him like a dead creed, love as deeply and as sacrificially as he has instructed us to, we are soldiers of the living God, we need to fight the darkness with his piercing light. We need to become spiritually proactive instead of carnally reactive but fellow travellers, as usual if these words hurt too much, I beg, no mind me, I just dey yan…..

- Alero Adollo

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face 2 face

by Eyiyemi Rogbiyin

Party Hairdo T

he hair is the crowning glory of any woman and with the approach of the EMBER months it means PARTY, PARTY, PARTY! Ladies usually want to come out looking their best and not to get to the party feeling underdressed. The hair might just be the icing on the cake to get that overall great look.

How do we achieve that fantastic hair and still be able to manage it all through the party season without frequenting salons every week and spending a fortune?

Here are a few great ideas: Braids are versatile and require little or no fuss after it’s been done. This would probably be the 1st choice to party hair for the season. Depending on the length and or thickness of the braids it can be let down or packed up in different styles.

For those of us who do not have the patience or time to braid our hair, the next best option would be the weave which may not last as long as braiding but can also be quite versatile and hassle free. This of course depends on the style the weave is cut to.

For short weave you’d probably have to own a pair of tongs or visit the salon every week, while for the long weave you can as in the case of braids leave it flowing down your shoulders, pull it into a ponytail, have it styled in the salon in an upsweep with tendrils cascading down your neck and the sides of your face. The possibilities are ENDLESS!

No matter what style you choose, the perfect accessories will make all the difference.

Ghana weaving is also an option but for most women it only lasts 2 to 3 weeks, but the styles are limitless. There’s also the wig which you would probably have to own a few to change your look.

No matter what style you choose, the perfect accessories will make all the difference.

There are all sorts in the market these days and you could go to town but remember to do it with the utmost style!

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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face 2 face

Get rid of that

Ugly feeling H

ave you ever woken up feeling frumpy and ugly.

There is a saying that maybe you woke up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’. You can’t seem to shake off the feeling and You feel like laying back in bed and covering yourself with the duvet but you know that is impossible. There are bills to pay and commitments to keep up with and somehow your hair, face, clothes don’t look or feel right and you just can’t seem to get rid of that ugly feeling.

To remedy the situation might take a while and we doubt that you’d want to be late for work or school or that meeting. So, here are a few tips that could get you on the right track: Once you notice the mood which would probably be from the moment you wake up, put in an uplifting cd one that you know is bound to lift your spirits. There is nothing as good as worship to get you out of the doldrums. Make a conscious effort to see every situation that comes your way through rose colored glasses in other words look at the glass half full rather than half empty.

Thank the lord that you are alive and well you might not feel like praying but do try and muster thank you to the creator. Your hair might not look right but what about the cancer patient who has lost all her hair. Your clothes don’t seem to

32

be enough or the ones you would love but remember the lady in church who seems to have only two good church outfits and manages to smile in those faded outfits each Sunday.

The shoes that seem not to be the right shade. Remember people who have no legs to put into shoes. That should help to put a new perspective to things. Pour some scented oils in your bath water, light a few scented candles. This can be uplifting. Tell yourself good things. Celebrate yourself after all. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Look for the brightest outfit in your wardrobe. This would be the day to wear it. Splash yourself with your favorite perfume. We guarantee you’ll be floating in a sea of scent!

If you can, squeeze in the time to go to the spa for a massage. If you do not have time to do the full works either one of the following are options; hand, foot, neck, shoulder, head massage. These would not take as long but they are guaranteed to leave you feeling rejuvenated.

Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or a facial. You’ll definitely be loving yourself afterwards. This has been known to work for many a woman… GO SHOPPING!!! Buy yourself something you’ve always wanted and don’t think about the cost! Take the day off or at the very least leave the office early if you can and pamper yourself for the rest of the day.

Last but not least, spend time with a loved one and go to bed early. Do try this and let’s know how nice you feel afterwards. Have a fun filled season.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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cover interview

Yewande Zaccheaus Driven by Purpose Interview by Bola Olawale

“Waiting for most people, is a painful period of life. In Yewande Zaccheaus’ case, it was a nine-year period of waiting for a second child. According to the doctors, it was an “unexplained secondary infertility”. For the writer and CEO of Eventful Management Company, it was a time of refreshing in “God’s waiting room” where He unveiled her life to a more fulfilling purpose. Hers is a story of perseverance, character, faith, and triumph, in ‘God’s waiting room’.

GEM: Please tell us a bit about Yewande Zaccheaus in terms of your family and educational background.

YZ: I was born in Ibadan in April 1961 to Chief and Mrs. Bayo Akinnola. I am the first born child of the family. I went to All Saints Church School, Jericho Ibadan: for my primary education and International School Ibadan: for my secondary education. I then went on to Clifton High School Bristol England for my A levels and then returned home to study Law at the University of Lagos. After Law School, I went back to England for a Masters in Law at Cambridge University.

GEM: Can you tell us about your husband how you met and when?

YZ: Interestingly enough, my husband Teni and I were in Unilag at the same time but we never met then. We met in the home of mutual friends, Lookman and Aniola Durosinmi-Etti, we were introduced and became friends.

We got married in October 1989 and the rest as they say, is history!

My husband and I have quite different personalities but I believe we complement each other beautifully. Teni runs Zacchi & Krome Limited a corporate promotions, printing and publishing company based in Ilupeju, Lagos. Teni is easy going, absolutely dependable and a rock of support for me in all areas of my life. He truly gives me the wings to fly, always encouraging me to go that much further with my business and my ministry, releasing me from many of the traditional roles of a wife that would otherwise make it quite difficult to succeed.

We are blessed with two beautiful children, a boy Teniola who is 17 and a girl, Iretidayo who is 8 years old.

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

cover interview

GEM: Who are the key influences in your life?

YZ: The key influences in my life are my natural parents Chief and Chief Mrs. Bayo Akinnola and my spiritual parents, Pastors Taiwo and Bimbo Odukoya of the Fountain of Life Church. My parents brought us up in the way of the Lord and I am forever grateful to them for teaching us to fear and reverence God, work hard, respect and have com36

passion for people, and strive always for integrity and justice. My spiritual parents have also impacted my life greatly.

Pastor Bimbo with her unwavering passion for the Lord and for touching people’s lives and Pastor Taiwo, who to me epitomises the very best of all a Christian man and a Pastor should be. The examples that have been set for me by these four individuals have certainly shaped who I am today.

GEM: What inspired you to write the book “God’s Waiting Room” YZ: I got married in October 1989 and I conceived my son Teniola immediately. I never imagined I would have to wait for a second child. It took 9 long years after my son was born before my daughter arrived. It was a time of testing, growing and maturing into the woman God has called me to be. During my waiting years I told God that if He blessed me with a child I would testify to the whole world of His faithfulness by writing a book.

However, once I had my baby in 1999 (I don’t know why we human beings can never learn!) the cares of life took over and I never got round to it. The miracle was here, the zeal had fizzled out and the passion to write had waned. In October 2003, I very unexpectedly found myself pregnant again.

I was totally embarrassed because I was 42 at the time and honestly didn’t expect to get pregnant again after all I had been through. In any case I felt I was too old for another baby!

After a while I started getting quite comfortable with the idea and was enjoying the “older mum” status. Unfortunately however, I lost that pregnancy at 5 months in January 2004.

For a pregnancy I neither planned nor wanted, the pain was devastating.

As I worked myself through the pain, God reminded me of the work I had left undone. Whilst I do not believe that God was punishing me for not having kept to my vow, it was clear that He knew that only something so drastic would get me back on track to fulfill my promise to Him. I had to wake up at all hours of the night to write the book but now the zeal was back and God saw me through.

GEM: What are the lessons you learnt in the “waiting room” that you would like to share with our readers?

YZ: The key lesson I learnt was that of patience. I was not a patient person.

In fact, I used to be incredibly impatient with people who could not meet up with my demands of them and I did gemwoman | November/December 2007

cover interview not suffer fools gladly. I also was quite used to ensuring I got my way. Anything I wanted had to be NOW! However, my nine years sojourn in God’s Waiting Room brought me to a place of humility where I realised eventually that it was not about me but about His purpose for my life. We must get to a place where we understand that indeed His ways are not our ways, however His thoughts for us are ALWAYS for good and not evil. I learnt that waiting for the blessing of a child is a privilege.

that you believe will put you in a place where you will receive His mercy. I know for sure that I would not have grown so deeply in the things of God if I had not had that waiting experience and I believe it was one of God’s purposes for the delay.

In terms of my marriage, the delay served only to strengthen our relationship. Very early on, my husband always tried to convince me that he was quite happy with one child but I knew in my heart he wanted more because he loves

God’s face to know exactly what the purpose of the delay is and you must key in to that purpose so you do not miss your blessing. We also need to remember that His ways are not our ways. God may be speaking to some women to go out and adopt some of his beautiful children who have no parents to care for them. I am firmly of the view that adoption is a valid option for the Christian woman. Are we not all adopted children of the most High God?

You only have one life, so live it to the fullest. If you have a song to sing, a book to write, a child to nurture, a business to start, a career to develop, a ministry to launch….. the time is NOW. Live your best life, fulfill the purpose for which you were created.

We have been counted worthy by God to take care of what will be a special child. We must however ensure that a refining of our character takes place during that time of waiting – a time of preparation to be a vessel of honour unto the Lord. It would be a complete waste of time to have experienced such a season of wilderness and not come out of it a better person.

GEM: Did your waiting period, in any way affect your spiritual life and marriage?

YZ: My time of waiting affected my spiritual life significantly. There is no doubt about it, when you are seeking the face of the Lord for something you will do everything possible to come to a place where you indeed feel God’s heartbeat. You pray a lot more, you read the word, you fellowship. You are simply hungry for any and everything gemwoman | November/December 2007

children. I am actually not that good with children but my husband can play with them for hours on end! He was extremely supportive, accompanying me from test to test, doctor to doctor, even though all medical indications were that we were both fine! Our situation was described medically as “unexplained secondary infertility”. He was very patient when I would sometimes be sad or depressed but thank God for Jesus, because those times never lasted long once I got myself back into the word of God. GEM: What advice would you give to women trusting God for the fruit of the womb?

YZ: My word for women still believing God for the fruit of the womb is very simple. You have no choice but to trust that God will make everything beautiful in His time. You need to seek

We need to come to a place where we know it is not about us, our needs, our desires but about fulfilling purpose. Pastor Bimbo always used to tell us to be purpose - driven and not needs - driven.

GEM: What has been the response to the book “God’s Waiting Room” YZ: I have several women who have read the book call or e mail me for counseling and I have received so many testimonies of how the book has blessed women. I was really excited yesterday when I received a text from one such woman based in Port Harcourt.

We had prayed through an IVF cycle which unfortunately was not successful. However she just informed me that she had now conceived naturally and is believing God for the total manifestation of their miracle which I know will come by His grace. Many of 37

cover interview these women I never actually meet. We talk on the phone or communicate by email and I am grateful to God for the opportunity to be an encouragement to them in their hour of need. Sometimes, I do arrange to meet up with the women to share, and I am always blessed by the experience.

It is clear to me that there is a need for women to share their feelings. I have now set up a website www.godswaitingroom.org compiling testimonies and excerpts from God’s Waiting Room. We also have an email address, testimonies@godswaitingroom.org for women who wish to share their testimonies. I am presently working on God’s Waiting Room 2. Selected testimonies will be featured on the website and also be used in the new book. I do encourage women to share their stories by sending them to this email address as these testimonies really do as help and encourage other women.

GEM: YOU were a top banking executive in a successful bank. What were your reasons for leaving that enviable position to start your own business?

YZ: Shortly after my maternity leave in 1999 I became very restless at work. I was the Company Secretary and Legal Adviser of Ecobank Nigeria Plc. I woke up every morning and the last place I wanted to go was work. I had been in the bank for ten years and I was totally bored with what I was doing. I asked to be moved from the legal department to another department because I felt I just needed a new challenge within the bank. I then started up and headed the Private Banking unit of the bank.

However, the feeling of restlessness and dissatisfaction did not go away and it was clear to me that a complete u turn was required.

I sought God’s face and talked to several people who were in business on their own and realised most people ventured into business doing what they are naturally good at or what started as a hobby but grew into a business.

The question now was - what was I good at? You know the Bible says that 38

a man’s gift makes a way for him. In my case I knew I had a natural flair for organizing people and events but who on earth would pay for such a service, I wondered?

As I began to consider the matter more seriously, I did some research on the internet and found that events management was a huge and thriving industry in the USA. I bought several books, attended seminars and after receiving several confirmations from God, resigned in 2002 to establish my company, Eventful Ltd. We are 5 years old this month and I am totally in awe of what God has done with the business. I am also extremely delighted that as a pioneer in the field, we have opened the market for so many other young entrepreneurs who have decided to chart their paths in the business. I mentor several such young women and Eventful has now begun event management training services to add value to the industry.

GEM: How do you maintain a balance in your home, business and church responsibilities?

YZ: You know as women, we have a natural gift for multitasking but sometimes even I wonder if God intended me to take on all the various commitments I find myself involved in! Honestly, I can only say that it is by His Grace and the help of the Holy Spirit that I am able to achieve some semblance of order in my extremely busy life. I also believe firmly in prioritising (doing what is most important first) and delegating, (getting other competent people to help me!) We have a biblical example in the Proverbs 31 woman, don’t we? I also thank God for an understanding pastor, a supportive husband, independent children and competent staff both at home and at work.

GEM: What are you passionate about and what are your aspirations?

YZ: I am passionate about being the best I can be in every area of my life.

It is a tough call, but I keep working at

it, one day at a time. I am also passionate about giving my best to the people I love and those that I serve. I am extremely passionate about the cause of women as mothers, wives, career and business women. I have received an abundance of grace, love, favour and mercy from God and I am committed to giving all that I can to positively touch the lives of those I am privilege to interact with in one form or another. My aspirations? I am believing God that when I am called to glory my epitaph will read “She was a blessing to all who knew her” Amen!

GEM: How do you deal with stress and unwind?

YZ: As we get older, our bodies react to stress in different ways. I am trying very hard to have one day during the week when I just unwind, concentrate on my various personal responsibilities, read, go to the spa or the movies or sit at home and just THINK! Unfortunately, I only manage to do this maybe once in a month, but I will get there! I honestly believe that we women need to strategise concerning our spiritual, social and business or professional life.

I love the movies and I have a couple of other extremely busy friends who do too and we actually have to struggle to make the time occasionally to eat out and watch a movie! When we do, we always have such a wonderful time but it is a major challenge finding that time.

However because we realise it is so important to have this “me” time we continually strive to achieve it. Seasons of refreshing are so vital, otherwise we will continue to run around like chickens with their heads cut off! That is one of my father’s favourite sayings.

Another excellent way I deal with stress is by ensuring I go on at least 2 vacations during the year. I try to forget every thing about work during that time and I always return refreshed and rearing to go.

GEM: What does Christmas mean to you and how would you be spending gemwoman | November/December 2007

cover interview Christmas this year?

YZ: Christmas to me is probably the best season of the year. I love Christmas. I love the joy, the sharing and the renewal of family ties.

I love the decorations, the excitement and the festivity. It’s a time to look back on the passing year, take stock and thank God for his faithfulness. Christmas also brings the excitement of looking forward to the opportunities the New Year will bring.

Christmas is also a very busy period for my company as event managers. I always spend Christmas day with my family. We rotate Christmas lunch each year between my siblings and my parents now join us in Lagos rather than spend Christmas day alone. We always have loads of food, entertainment and many guests. The children especially have a ball.

GEM: You laugh a lot, is that part of your philosophy in life?

YZ: Do I? I suppose I do, now that you mention it. I guess I am generally a very happy and very positive person. Unfortunately, I am also one of those people who are described as “wearing their hearts on their sleeves”. I cannot hide my feelings and I guess when you are usually a bubbly, upbeat person people notice immediately when you are not yourself. I am trying very hard to be more diplomatic in that area.

GEM: What is your message to women?

YZ: My Pastor, Pastor Taiwo Odukoya always says that we as women should see ourselves as solutions to problems.

I believe that a woman is a precious creation of God. I am troubled by the fact that so many women have such low self esteem caused by bad experiences either in their childhood or even in relationships.

I am committed to helping women realise that they can be all they want to be and achieve all they want to achieve through Christ that lives in them. I am privileged to serve as one of the executives of Discovery for Women and The Woman Leader, ministries established by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya to teach women to maximize their potential in all areas of life through Christ working in them and to encourage them to arise and take the leadership positions that God has called them to. I am also a Trustee of Women in Management and Business (WIMBIZ), an NGO set up to elevate the profile of women in management and business. I hope that through these platforms I can continue to work for the upliftment of women in all spheres of life.

Finally one advice I wish to give women is this - take stock of your life. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Set goals for yourself and give yourself milestones for achieving same. Don’t let life just happen to you and don’t let dream killers kill your vision. Prayerfully take charge of your life and ask the ever present Holy Spirit for help, guidance and wisdom for the race you are called to run.

You only have one life, so live it to the fullest. If you have a song to sing, a book to write, a child to nurture, a business to start, a career to develop, a ministry to launch….. the time is NOW. Live your best life, fulfill the purpose for which you were created and always remember Psalm102 v 13…….indeed the time to favour us all, yes the set time is now.

Interview Credits Outfits: Yewande Zaccheaus’ wardrobe Jewellery: Yewande Zaccheaus Photography: Ade Plumptre, 0802 317 5992 Makeup: Eyiyemi, 0803 306 9428

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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stepping out in style

Creative designs from

House of Henri Native Passion The House of Henri a fashion design outfit with a passion to create innovative, afrocentric, qualitative and decent clothing line. Their “Native Passion” brand of shirts and tops are styled to provide a convergence between the ethnic and the western.

The shirts and tops come in styles that can readily suit anyone.

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stepping out in style

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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stepping out in style

44

stepping out in style Meet Henrietta Agboola the brain behind House of Henri: Henrietta Agboola is the CEO of House of Henri, an integrated fashion company in Lagos, Nigeria. She is an award winning fashion designer and the Best Nigeria Fashion Designer of the year (2005/2006) of the Nigeria Fashion Show. The award saw her representing Nigeria in Paris, at the Nigeria Fashion Show 2005 in France.

She started her quest in the fashion industry in her secondary school days at the International School, University of Lagos (ISL) where she got the award of the best student in Clothing and Textile for three consecutive years. She also finished with a distinction in the same subject in her School Leaving Certificate Examination.

A passionate fashion educator and writer on fashion related issues, Henrietta is faculty head at the Handikrafts Fashion School, the skills transfer arm of House of Henri which has trained over 800 people in various fashion related skills.

Her designs have been exhibited and sold in the USA, UK, Paris, Italy, Kenya, Namibia and Ghana. She is the author of two fast selling fashion books - ‘Sewing Made Easy’ and ‘Jewelry Craft and Bead Stringing Made Easy’ In recognition of her entrepreneurship, she was sponsored by the Ford Foundation along with a select group of other female entrepreneurs on a training and business tour of Kenya. In May 2007, she was invited to showcase her collections at the United Nations headquarters in New York at the Fashion For Development Show which was focused on employing fashion as a contributing tool to achieving the UN Millennium Development Goals. She has featured severally in the ‘Heart of Africa’ programme a brand Nigeria project. She also participated in the Nigeria Cultural Day in Israel.

Foundation, Youth Business Initiative (YBI) in Nigeria.

GEM: When did you start the fashion business?

HOH: The vision for House of Henri started 20 years ago in 1987 when as a form 2 student in the International School Unilag, I started sewing for myself and others. While a student in Unilag, I used to sew for people within and outside the university community to augment the stipend I got from my father. Then I called my business Henri creations.

GEM: What does your fashion speak about?

HOH: Creativity, innovation, afrocentrism, quality and decency.

GEM: What is your collection called?

HOH: “Native Passion” brand of shirts and tops are styled to provide a convergence between the ethnic and the western.

That is to say the shirts and tops come in styles that can be easily related with both in and out of the country but with an ethnic stamp.

Primarily targeted at upwardly mobile young professionals, the brand is segmented into three categories- formal, casual, and occasional.

The formal category is an attempt to break the rules by providing clothing with an ethnic bias that can still be acceptable in strictly formal environments.

The casual category caters to the clothing needs of individuals whose work environment do not require strictly formal dressing and for the weekend and dress down clothing needs of those whose work environments dictate formal dressing for the greater part of the week.

The occasional category is targeted at the market that has the need to wear more designed and dressy wears to occasions.

Henrietta has a first degree in Psychology from the University of Lagos. She is also an alumnus of the FATE Foundation Business School and a member of Prince Charles

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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feature

Turning your

‘curse’ into a cause

Life as a challenged parent of a challenged child

by Omokorede Adewale Fasoro

photo by Jake Levin

‘I am sorry, Mrs Fasoro, we cannot take him in again this term.

His presence in the school...’,‘Why does he sound so different?’, ‘Why does he not act like children his age?’, ‘Aunty, why is Daniel not talking to me and not playing with me...?’

The list could go on and on. These were some of the statements and questions I had heard a number of times from different people( both young and old), since I embarked on this interesting journey, as a challenged parent of a challenged child.

A special-needs child is one that 46

has a challenge in certain developmental areas of his physical or psychological make up. It could be a physical or a mental challenge, or sometimes, both! Examples of these are Cerebral Palsy, Down syndrome, Autism, ADHD, mental retardation, physical blindness,deafness, speech delay and so on. As a result, the child’s growth and development is hampered. So most times, he/ she needs special attention and care to be able to get by like his peers in simple everyday activities. Each of the conditions mentioned above has its own unique characteristics, depending on its level of seriousness.

For me, the journey started about seven years ago, thirty weeks after my son’s birth. As a matter of fact, the doctor had secretly told my husband that considering the complications involved, Daniel had just 50% chances of surviving. However, I thank God that after about two weeks battle for his

survival, he made it through.

As we were being discharged from the hospital, I heaved a sigh of relief, thanking God it was all over, not realising that we (my husband and I) had just enrolled in the ‘school of life’; as parents of a very special child. As the days, months and years unfolded, we realised we had a very special young man in our hands to care for. Every thing about him became a prayer point and faith project. Issues about my older children which I had always taken for granted and never even bothered to pray to God about, let alone to thank Him for, soon became more significant.

Some of these issues are his being able to sit at the right time, crawl, stand, walk, call me ‘mummy’, become potty trained, brush his teeth himself, and so on. I then realised how ungrateful I had been to God concerning my older children. Previously, I had assumed that everything concerning any child would take its normal course.

The good news however, is that the Lord has always proved Himself faithful. Re-calling the events of the past years, my conclusion is that though we’re still preparing for where we believe God is taking Daniel, we know that we’re not where we used to be; we’ve moved forward.

You might read the last statement and wonder what woman of great faith, power and might I must be. I must confess that this is not exactly true. Over the years, I have had to cry, get worried, grumble, complain and question God over and over again on why my child’s situation was that bad. Sometimes, I felt ‘cheated’ by nature, especially when I saw him with other children his age.

Then, I admired their parents because they did not seem to have anything to struggle over with their kids. Despite all these past thoughts of mine,God had gemwoman | November/December 2007

feature always graciously taken me through different stages, and had always had one lesson or another to teach me at each stage. May I share some of these experiences with you?

Confused Stage: This was the period that I could not really understand what was going on with my son, especially when I began to hear some remarks from some medical personnels.One of such remarks was that there was something not quite right with him. I had to dispell quickly from my heart, some of these remarks.

“I mean, how can I, a born again, Spirit filled, tongue blasting, satan chasing child of God, ever have such a child?”, “How could anyone ever suggest that to me?” I was very much involved in the Prayer minstry of my church when I became pregnant with him! Besides, I was even on a special assingment outside Lagos from my local assembly when those contractions started. “Surely,God cannot let this be my testimony after all I have faithfully done for Him!”, “Doesn’t God’s Word state that ‘The blessings of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow to it?’” (Prov.10:22).

My child, I knew, was a blessing,“... so why should this blessing have the ‘sorrowful’ addition of a special need?

Why, why, why?” For me, it was indeed a trying period.

Denial Stage: I remember on two occasions when I had taken my son to see two different doctors, one for a routine check up, and the other on a speech issue. They had each pointed out the concerns they had over him, and what they suspected was his challenge. The moment I heard that, I, immediately rejected it, “...not my portion in Jesus name!”, “... these doctors are so negative in their confessions.

I am a child of God, and so there can be nothing wrong with my son!”

You can be sure that I never retured to those clinics. My dear mother also used to make some comments, based on her observations of Daniel’s behavgemwoman | November/December 2007

iourial and developmental patterns.

Any time she came on a visit, she would point out one thing or another she noticed about him. Then, my reply was always “...there is nothing wrong with my son. He is just a little slow!

Why am I surrounded with faithless people who are so full of negative confessions? ” Blame Game Stage: As I gradually got off the denial phase, and began to face reality, I moved to the blame game stage. “Maybe if I had been a little more careful while pregnant with him, this wouldn’t have happened?”, “perhaps I shouldn’t have gone for too many church programmes; I shouldn’t have eaten this and that ; I should have eaten this instead”, “ I wonder where he got it from - my side of the family, or my husband’s?”, “Is someone diabolic responsible for this?”, “Is this satan’s way of getting back at me, because of my involvement in the Prayer ministry?”, “Maybe I should have been more causious with spiritual matters when

and have been called according to His purpose...?’’(Romans 8:28) Acceptance Stage: The next challenge was for me to begin to learn to accept my son, no matter what. I needed to see him beyond his present condition. I needed to stop focusing on what he could not do or was not doing, but to focus more on what he was able to do or making attempts to do. I needed to deal with my attitude,as John Maxwell says , “Your attitude will determine your altitude” I needed to deal with the silent and passive form of rejection in my heart.

I loved him, quite all right, but deep down in my heart, there were some struggles - wishing the challenge would just disappear, or wishing he would be like other children his age, and then I would not have to deal with it. Rejection is a toxic vice. As a parent of a special needs child, I needed to prayerfully guard against it because it has the tendency of making one to abandon the child for the ‘normal’ children in

Every thing about him became a faith project and prayer point. Things I had always taken for granted and had never even bothered to pray to God about (talk less of thanking Him for) with my older children, became more significant.

I was pregnant” The questions were endless. Later on, by God’s grace, I realised that the solution was not for me to look for who or what to blame, but to accept the challenge, look to God for help, and trust Him to bring something good out of it. Has He not said in His Word that “...All things work together for good to those who love Him

the house. The excuse would be, “... that my labour over them be not in vain”. I began to see my son and his challenges as blessings from God, and not as a curse, as opposed to my initial feelings. The moment my mindset changed for better, the burdens and worries in my heart concerning him continued on page 70 47

little gems

Understand

their language “I’m really worried about my eight-year old daughter”, a concerned mother once lamented.

“She persists in lying despite all we’ve done to discourage her from this bad habit of hers”, she added. The irony of it all is that, the more Mrs. A, Cynthia’s mother tried to threaten this child with severe punishments, the more the little girl lied. Cynthia seemed to derive much pleasure in lying. Obviously, Mrs. A did not understand her daughter’s language.

Language, as we all know, is basically used for communication. Beyond its description as a system used by nations or groups, people use all forms of means to communicate to others, their feelings, ideas or knowledge. Communication, however, can either be verbal or non-verbal; behavioural or attitudinal. It is therefore important that parents understand the peculiar language use of their child/children.

From my conversation with Mrs. A, I discovered a number of things. Prior to this, Mrs. A assured me that her daughter is very bright and generally well behaved. However, when asked how much time she devoted to the child, she admitted that due to their work load, she and her husband often got home late from work. By that time, their little girl would have gone to bed.

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“Though we tried to spend most of our weekends with her”, she added, “It didn’t seem to work” My first discovery, however, is that whenever Cynthia behaved well, her parents rarely commended her. Almost everytime she misbehaved, they complained, scolded and punished her. It may interest you to know that Cynthia preferred the latter to the former. In other words, she would rather lie and get her parents’ attention than to be well behaved, and be ignored. To her, a punishment

Attention, affection, and acceptance are children’s basic needs. If a child doesn’t get all these expressions of love from the parents, he/she may start feeling rejected and abandoned. was the little price she had to pay to get her parents’ attention. Lying, in this case, was one of her means of communicating to her parents that she needed some attention. Wasn’t that clever of her? Well, that’s subjective. More importantly, it is unfortunate that little Cynthia channelled her intelligence in the wrong direction.

While it is true that some children need to be scolded and punished for their vices, parents need to be more

by Wunmi Agunbiade sensitive in their dealings with their children. They need to know that children operate in a frequency that is slightly different from that of adults.

They are wise though, but they need to be carefully groomed in the right path, or else, they will creatively craft results from anything at their disposal. Lying, for some children, is a form of attitudinal or behavioural language. The task of correcting that mindset in that child now lies in your hands. Since that child was so thoughtful to have found a solution to his or her problem(s), prove yourself as an adult by proffering a positive solution to the problem.

Praying to God about it, and communicating with the child often could be helpful but don’t stop there; the same method can’t work for every child.

Attention, affection, and acceptance are children’s basic needs. If a child doesn’t get all these expressions of love from the parents, he/she may start feeling rejected and abandoned. Consequently, he/she may begin to seek undue approval from anyone around; get jealous of other children, and do all sorts of unimaginable things. Many parents, whether they perform their responsibilities or not, still expect these children to be well behaved. By so doing, you are creating fear in the child, who may resolve to lying – a pretentious way of pleasing you. The way you handle your children, therefore, is very crucial.

Nagging is another language children speak. When nagging and whining becomes a child’s habit, then you have to be more attentive and sensitive to that child’s needs. There may be an underlying meaning behind that act. In this case, anger and punishments may not work. Sometimes, all you need to do is to calm the child’s temperament gemwoman | November/December 2007

little gems

gemwoman | November/December 2007

about here. It’s worth the efforts.

Apart from lying and nagging, there are so many other ways children communicate their displeasure to their parents and others. Some suddenly become rude in their attitudes; they sulk, sometimes refusing to eat; bullying other children; shouting always; performing poorly at school; or becoming unnecessarily quiet.

Thus, this is a wake up call to all parents. You want them to be the leaders of tomorrow? Then please give them some attention; show them some affection; support and encourage them; commend them when they do it right; correct them constructively; then you will understand better, their language.

If you don’t accept them, who will?

Perhaps these little Gems are longing to speak a lovely language to you. Just treat them like the treasures they are you will be amazed at the results you’ll get. Your little Gems will grow up to

be great.

Things to remember • Be accessible and approachable.

• Commend them when they act right.

• Spend quality time with them.

• Love them unconditionally.

• Give them some attention.

• Listen to them; answer their questions.

• Re-affirm their self-esteem when they make mistakes.

• Train them in the way of the Lord.

• Be a good example to them; children emulate their parents.

• Above all, pray! Pray! Pray!!! for them always.

Remember that Language is acquired.

So leave at their disposal, virtues to acquire.

Photo Copyright 2005 Anissa Thompson

with your expression of love. It’s not possible to quench a blazing fire with fire.

In most cases, nagging is another way of saying, “Please give me some attention!” .To curb this attitude in him/her, you may need to ask yourself these questions: “Does my child have a problem settling down in her new school?”, “Is she afraid of her teacher?”, or “ Is she trying to imitate my nagging attitude towards my husband?”. You see, she may just be imitating you. Those children, most of the time, do what they see you do. So you need to be careful what you do, especially in their presence.

Solving your child’s problem may take you some time. Besides, you may not easily get the appropriate measures for handling the child. All the same, you need to first make an attempt. There’s no crime in trying.

Hey! It’s your child we’re talking

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Cypress Hill: 01-8166825, 0803 306 8091, 0802 827 3528

13, Dipeolu Street, Off Awolowo Way, Ikeja, Lagos.

Tel: 01-8151195, 7602674, 4713260, 0803 321 5138 E-mail: tendercradle2001@yahoo.com Website: www.tendercradleschool.com

T Divorce?

Is there life after a

Picture by Anna H-G

by Modupe Kazeem

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother take his wife and the two of them become one.”

Ephesians 5:31.

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his is the will of God for humanity (man). It is God’s will that every man cleaves to his wife through marriage.

So what is divorce? It is the dissolving of this marriage covenant between a husband and wife.

It is the broken dream, broken vision, and it is against the purpose of God for marriage. It is the death of a relationship; It is often the most traumatic experience in the life of a woman; whether you separate amicably or with hatred in both hearts.

Divorce is associated with disappointment, a deep sense of rejection, rage, anger, bitterness, depression, regret, discouragement, emotional chaos, anxiety, unforgiveness and fear of the future.

It is hope dashed and dreams shattered.

Divorce is a battle zone especially when children are involved, it brings you to a place of emotional overhead, gemwoman | November/December 2007

singled out to a place where your heart is broken and your spirit is crushed.

GOD HATES DIVORCE, because it hurts Him, he does not encourage nor make provision for separation of anything bonded together by Him, He does not like broken fellowships and separation is detrimental to the flow of fellowship, which invariably affects your fellowship with God. So where there is a dispute in marriage, spouses are expected to repent and forgive each other, and reconcile rather than divorce each other.

However, in some cases divorce is inevitable because reconciliation is not always possible as it requires the response of two people and one cannot force the other to return.

Many women caught in the web of divorce feel there is no hope and no future for them thereafter, and that life is no longer worth living but this is the lie of the devil.

Even major business magazines/ articles, both religious and secular talk about the perfect settings in life: how to have the perfect wedding, marriage, etc, but conveniently leave out the less than perfect situations, which equally involve a large number of people in the community.

I write as a woman who knows the pain of a divorce, a woman who knows the injury divorce can inflict in a heart.

I am pleased to tell you today that there is hope; there is life after a divorce and you don’t have to live in condemnation, rejection and fear of the future.

Contrary to your present feelings your future can be bright. He says: “I will do a new thing, shall ye not know it, I will make a way in the wilderness.

“This means the lord can do a new thing, you shall no longer be termed forsaken, you shall no longer be called wounded, outcast, lonely, afraid, but renewed, healed child of God, loved and confident.

Your steps towards a brighter future, is to first forgive your spouse in order to allow the blessings of God to flow into your life, then you have to free yourself from bitterness and anger. gemwoman | November/December 2007

You have to let go and let God, to let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. You can never plan the future by the past but you can plan your tomorrow today.

You have to learn to take each day as it comes; each morning is a fresh beginning, a step towards your brighter and better future.

Always remember these; ➢ The past is dead and gone, live for the future, it’s alive and full of potential. Past failures need not destroy your future. ➢ You can give up when something goes wrong or you can let misfortune transform you into something better. ➢ Put on the glasses of optimism and you’ll see a world of potential in yourself.

Be thankful for what you have, not sad about what you don’t have. ➢ Hope anticipates, faith believes and patience quietly waits.

Always put worry in its proper place, out of your life. ➢ You have to learn to love yourself again, you have to learn to look forward and not backwards.

God says; I hate divorce…He didn’t say I hate divorced people. You have to learn to be in constant fellowship with God, constantly in his presence.

The devil is ready to take advantage of your vulnerability, your weak emotional state, temptations that come your way would easily over come you, except you have grounded yourself in the word, men (especially married men) would take advantage of your situation with inviting but empty promises for your future, but remember the key to your future lies not in the hands of any man but in the hands of your God. Your mistakes or the mistakes of others don’t have to keep you from fulfilling God’s divine plan for your life.

God created you for a purpose and that purpose does not depend on the husband that you have divorced neither is it determined by your circumstances past or present. All you need remind yourself is who you are in Christ Jesus.

Remind yourself that “there is there-

Hand over your future and that of your children if any, to him, ask for his peace to reign in your heart and situation... fore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

Remind yourself that “His thoughts for you are not of evil but of peace and joy to bring you to an expected end”, and that expected end is peace, joy. Tell Him your needs and ask Him to supply them in any manner He chooses.

Hand over your future and that of your children if any, to Him, ask for his peace to reign in your heart and situation, because, divorce can rob you of your peace, (but the bible says “my peace I give to you”), the difference between God’s peace and our peace is that ours is conditional while His is supernatural.

I want to challenge you to open the door of your life to Christ and surrender your present and future to Him, believe me it is the best place to be. He is the way maker.

However, if you don’t have him as your personal Lord and saviour, it is time for you to accept him and surrender all to him.

Please pray Lord Jesus, I am a sinner. Please come into my life and forgive me all my sins.

I believe you died for my sins and rose from dead. Now fill me with your Holy Spirit and guide me from this day forward.

Thank you Lord for loving me, Amen. Congratulations!

Please share your testimonies with us.

For further information please send an email to singleladytd@gmail.com.

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profession of faith considered previously and that you find appealing.

• Set your goals and develop a career action plan.

• Train for your new career and quit the current one: Changing your career may mean you have to undergo some training. That could take the form of earning a degree, doing an internship or taking courses to learn some new skills.

by Hannah Oyebanjo Sir, did you just say Marketing? I..i graduated with a science degree and I.. stuttering again. The seasoned Human Resource Director interrupted my juvenile comments and analysis when he emphatically made his response. ‘Young lady, you will be a Management Trainee in Marketing because that is where your strength lies’. In close to two decades of my heeding the director’s advice I must say I have no regrets at all. I have had to sharpen my social science skills and literally now cannot ‘balance’ a simple scientific chemical equation anymore! No regrets at all I say!

54

Career change is a situation where you alter your profession as it were. It’s a trained Nurse becoming an Admin Manager or a Banker becoming a trained Teacher.

Making a career change usually means investing both your time and money. As with any investment, it’s important to be informed before you make it. You need to consider the following points before making a career change.

Tips For Career Change Before you begin thinking about making a career change you have to decide whether you actually need one.

You have to assess yourself and decide if you truly need a career change. You may just need to change your current job which is simpler than an entire career change.

• Why are you unhappy about your current job? Where and what is the challenge? Is it in your core function or organizational/hygiene issues?

• You will need to evaluate your values, skills, personality and interests if you decide to change your career.

• Make a list of occupations to explore: Identify occupations you may have

Tips For Negotiating A Better Salary 1. Don’t be Arrogant. There’s a fine line between projecting confidence and appearing or being arrogant. No matter how much you think you deserve more, you need to convince your boss that it’s in the company’s best interest to give you one.

2. Don’t tell stories. Keep your personal challenges to yourself and concentrate on demonstrating why your services are worth more than you’re being paid. No employer is interested in your numerous dependants; remember that he probably has more in this environment!

3. Don’t be rude. You need a load of self control so you’re not mad at your boss who you consider inconsiderate.

Your feelings may be justified, but that doesn’t mean you should share them with your boss. When asking for a raise, you want to prove you’re an asset to the company. Outward displays of anger will only make you look unprofessional and unstable.

4. Don’t demand to be paid as much as a co-worker. It’s annoying and painful to discover that one of your colleagues is getting more than you to perform the same job, but don’t assume that confronting your supervisor will lead to parity. You may not be privy to all the information. Chances are, your co-worker has been in the industry longer or has an advanced degree that the company deems valuable. gemwoman | November/December 2007

profession of faith 5. Don’t threaten to quit. Why would your boss invest in an employee poised to jump ship? Threatening to walk out sends the message that you are not committed to the company, which makes you a bad bet. However, there’s nothing wrong with using a competing offer as a bargaining tool when you ask for a raise.

Tips For Moving To The Next Level There is nothing as frustrating in career as been stuck on a level. It is worse still when your boss thinks you do not deserve a promotion. Promotion is also the easiest way to get fired if unprepared and unqualified.

A junior colleague of mine once got a juicy appointment with another organization. He was able to negotiate a good package for a very senior position. He became the toast of everyone around - a whiz kid the news made rounds. A few of us who were close to him had serious worries based on our knowledge of his competencies. He had to hurriedly resign the appointment barely two years after because he could not deliver on his promises. He has since fizzled out of circulation.

It’s time to reevaluate your situation to understand why you seem to be stuck on the last rung of the corporate ladder.

Making a career change usually means investing both your time and money. upward move. My career graph is full of lateral moves within related functions. All such moves eventually resulted in upward climbs.

3. Self-confidence and self-assuredness is a must when climbing the corporate ladder. You need to find subtle ways of blowing your trumpet.

Detail how the company has benefited from your ideas and suggestions and will only benefit further by giving you greater responsibilities and

duties. You need to learn how to creatively sell yourself without sounding loud.

4. Getting a promotion can oftentimes be a competition. You will have to fight for what you want – but fight fair. Loyalty plays an important role in getting a promotion. Being a loyal employee, co-worker or supervisor will only make advancement in the workplace easier. Decisions for promotion are no longer based solely on competencies at certain levels as that is assumed to be okay. Loyalty therefore plays a stronger role. Please remember the difference between loyalty and overkill. You do not have to be everyone’s best friend. It is more important to be well-respected than well-liked.

•

You will need to evaluate your values, skills, personality and interests if you decide to change your career.

•

1. Did you make it known that you wanted the promotion? You have to be aggressive. Ask and you may receive.

Some organizations do not have internal processes that indicate career path and succession plan. You may need to speak up.

2. Are you realistic?

Are you qualified? Sometimes -- especially in today’s business environment -- you may need to make a lateral move to position yourself for a later gemwoman | November/December 2007

55

men of honour

A man for all Seasons

I

by Tunji Adeyinka

f there was a man in the Bible who understood the principle of seasons, it was King Solomon.

‘To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.’

Trust Solomon to know a lot about seasons and times. He went through the cycle. A time to be born. A time to weep. A time to laugh and a time to ‘marry’. Solomon sure spent a lot of time marrying: with 700 wives and 300 concubines . Imagine what the priests would have done each time Solomon wanted to marry another wife. Maybe the priests would have produced an abridged version of the marriage vows for Solomon.

After considering everything, the wise king concludes thus; ‘Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.’ Ecclesiastes 1:2.

A lesson to all those who think a new wife will solve their problems. Solomon did it many times over and still was not happy.

This edition of the magazine is coming out around November. There is a sudden realization that another year is coming to an end. This is a unique time of the year. So, as a man, when you look back at the year, you are probably thinking; ‘What is the outcome of my journey this year?’

56

‘Do I really have a reason to celebrate this season?’

You probably changed jobs, were promoted or remained in the same position started your own business, lost your business, lost your marriage, lost your companion, maybe you have been diagnosed with some disease, or you lost a lot of money in a transaction that did not go well, maybe you have lost a child, or your possessions in a scam or a robbery incidence, maybe you have lost your job, and so you have lost your position as the breadwinner in the family. The list of maybes are endless. These times are called low seasons and I am sure many of us have been through this at one time or the other.

No matter what you have been through this year, be assured that God is with you. You have just gone through some ‘exercise session’ to build some muscles and lose some excess weight.

The outcome for you is a leaner, fitter, stronger man with the right muscles in the right places. I am not talking philosophy here, I am talking scriptures.

As a man, it is important you build these spiritual muscles because you will definitely need them for some seasons of life.

If you understand this principle, then you will understand that venting out your frustration on your family in low seasons is unfair, unproductive and sinful. It shows that you have given room to worry. You have just lost your job or you have lost a promotion and suddenly in the home you begin to talk to your wife and children in mono-syllables. gemwoman | November/December 2007

men of honour

‘ What would you like to eat?’

‘Nothing’ ‘Did you enjoy the meal?’

‘Yes’ ‘What is the problem?’

‘Nothing’!

‘Would you like to…’

‘Please can I have some peace?’

Some men will actually go as far as expressing their frustration by raising their hands against their wives.

‘She does not understand the complexity of the situation’ He says.

If she does not understand the complexity because she is ‘weaker’, do you think God might understand the ‘complexities?’ If you think that God might understand, why not hand it back to Him and give some assurance to your family?

Whatever you might have lost or failed to attain. The Lord is the reason you have not lost every thing. I have realised that if God is with you in your boat, He will always make a way. If you have Him in your boat, you always have a reason to celebrate every season.

Even when things are not going the way you planned.

‘I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made everything beautiful in His time; also He hath set the world in their heart so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.’

Eccl 3: 10-11 By the way, do you realize that not telling your spouse about the details of the situation at work or the issues you are going through and carrying all the problems on your shoulders this gemwoman | November/December 2007

No matter what you have been through this year, be assured that God is with you. You have just gone through some ‘exercise session’ to build some muscles and lose some excess weight. season is actually under-utilising the resource that God gave you as your help-meet?

When Adam said that Eve was the bone of his bones, he did not mean that she should be relegated to physical issues only; such as the kitchen and other domestic issues. Have you noticed that when you discuss some of these ‘complex’ issues with your wife, the kind of insight that she brings to the table is so unbelievably revealing that you begin to understand why God said that the woman complements the man and vice versa. Sometimes, you look at your wife and you almost ask. ‘ How did she know that’? A woman

meets your business partner for the first time and tells you that there is something about that man that she is not at peace with.

‘What do you mean’, says the man ‘I don’t know, I just think you need to be careful’, says the woman.

Three months down the line, you conclude the deal, the money is paid and then you really know the business partner you are dealing with. You wish you had listened to your wife. Of course, your business partner takes you to the cleaners, and you come home and keep quiet. You cannot tell your wife what happened. You are too much of a man to accept that your wife was right.

So as a man of honour regardless of what may or may not have happened This is a season to thank God for all He has done this year. To remember that He can still do more before the end of the year. To share the victories and disappointments of the year with Him ( He knows them already) and to let Him deal with the seasons. ‘For he had dominion over all the region…….. and he had peace from all sides round about him’ May the Lord grant you peace in this season. Amen.

•

He made the storm stop and the sea be quiet.

- Psalm 107:29 (CEV) •

57

home and you

Easy ways to

add the Christmas Spirit to your home

I

f you’re like most people, you don’t have much time left at the end of a busy day to do anything extra. But at this time of year, you want to do something to make your home look festive and special and create the wonderful Christmas holiday atmosphere. You’ll find some ideas here for quick and simple ways to add a festive look to your home without spending a lot of time or money.

Most are our ideas are very easy, , and none takes more than a minimum of time and effort.

1. Decorate Everything With Bows • Tie generous ribbons to chair backs, candlesticks, picks in plants, wreaths, garlands, basket handles, drapery tie-backs, stair railings, and doorknobs.

• Bows look festive and the ribbons you choose should tie together with the rest of your decorating. Choose ribbons in colors and patterns that coordinate with your decorating scheme.

• You don’t have to stick with red and green. Choose plaids or floral that complement your color scheme. If you can’t find anything that looks quite right, then choose metallic silver, gold, green, or red.

• Choose a ribbon that you can untie and re-tie each year. This will save money in the long run, and you’ll end up with a good collection.

• When the holidays are over, untie the ribbons and press them lightly.

The bows won’t get crushed and the ribbons will be ready when you want to take them out the next year.

3. Turn off the lights • Arrange lots of candles on the dining table and dine by candlelight, even if you’re just having a simple meal. Every meal will feel special.

• Arrange pillar candles in your bathroom, on the sink or around the tub. Take time to soak and enjoy! If you have little children in your home, you should be very careful with candles around the house. Always have an adult in the room.

4.

•

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2. Use holiday tableware for every meal in December • Look through your cupboards and get out any dishes that look festive.

• Start a set of holiday dishes with dinner plates that coordinate with your everyday dishes. Add new pieces each year, like salad plates and mugs.

Note: Be sure the pattern you select will be continued from year to year.

• Buy 1 or 2 place settings each year.

Before long, you’ll be able to serve a feast.

• If you’re adventuresome, choose a different pattern and one place setting each year. Arrange the different dishes around the table and get lots of comments and rekindle memories. When they’re not in use, the dishes can be displayed around the room.

Hang holiday wreaths Put a wreath or swag on every door you have. Of course, start with the front door to welcome guests.

• To keep wreaths year after year, buy artificial wreaths that will last.

Remember, you’ll need room to store them!

gemwoman | November/December 2007

home and you Get Creative with your

Christmas tree Cookie Tree A cookie tree is a natural when you love baking. Find a good cookie recipe like a sturdy sugar cookie or gingerbread, and be sure to cut out a hole at the top of each cookie before baking so a ribbon can be attached. Or, bake your favorite cookies, insert them into clear cellophane bags, tie with a ribbon, and use those as tree ornaments (as well as party favors or gifts). I can bet your children will have fun trying to get the cookies down on Chistmas day and for an extra touch write names of different virtues on the cookies and whenever they have displayed them let them pick a cookie you’ll be teaching them biblical principles in a fun way.

A Tree of words This year, let your tree say it all.

A tree can “say” something if you decorate it with words like “Peace”, “Noel”, “Jesus” “I love you” or even evangelize. “Give “your” “heart” “to” “Him” etc. Look in craft stores for large and small balsa wood letter shapes that you can paint any color you wish.

Drill a hole at the top for a hanging loop. For an even cheaper version, use a rubber stamp set, or simply write on card stock with calligraphy markers, print out words on a computer, or make a collage of words from newspapers or magazines.

Glue the paper to a wood backing to help paper creations last longer.

The children will enjoy it and you will be passing a message across.

A Card Tree If you hate to part with beautiful Christmas cards each year, then save them to use as tree decorations. Glue the front and back halves together to make a sturdier ornament, punch holes in the top, then tie to the tree with ribbons. This will turn them all into ornaments.

An Envelope Tree Purchase a box of colored envelopes. Decorate each one with holiday stickers, rubber stamps, glitter pens, or cutouts from greeting cards. Fill the envelopes with gift certificates, gift cards, tickets to events, photos of special friends, or homemade I-Owe-You certificates for special treats (one night of Chinese). Mark each envelope with the recipient’s name or let guests draw an envelope “gift” to take home.

Easy Fabric Ties Purchase some chiffon, or calico cotton fabric in one or more patterns and colors. Cut or tear the fabric into 1/2 to 1” strips. Use these as hanging loops for decorations. These can also be tied directly onto tree branches in knots or bows.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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fiscal fitness

Packaged from above

by Alero Mobola Adollo

62

gemwoman | November/December 2007

fiscal fitness “I am a woman, proficient in my field, efficient in my skills, ••••

I am a book, packaged by God, every chapter a revelation of the expertise of the author.

••••

I am deep and mysterious, pregnant with promise.

••••

I am a numinous being, the master’s masterpiece. ” Today every woman needs to declare her intrinsic value despite the unwillingness of society to appreciate who she is. The corporate world sometimes encourages this depraved usage of the female gender through its pseudo complacency to her plight. There is a belief that as a woman you need to have a particular look to attract business, and deliver given targets.

Women are daily used by various organizations for this purpose, a few companies call them “pretty zeros” meaning pretty on the face but zero in the brain. This is gender discrimination and no woman worth her salt should allow herself to be used in this manner.

This exploitation of the female gender is peculiar (while not exclusive) to target driven companies.

There are companies that encourage sex with customers so as to deliver a gemwoman | November/December 2007

targeted account; they even book the hotel room. We cannot continue to allow this abuse of our gender.

Traditionally women were judged by what they brought to the table, i.e. a beautiful face, a curvy body and a willingness to please. Today with empowerment women are fast showing that they have more to offer than a pretty face.

There are women who still get by on what they look like vis a vis intelligence and hard work, these women still “use what they have to get what they want”. This is preposterous as we are too beautiful both inwardly and outwardly to be so shabbily used by anyone, least of all ourselves, there is a limit to how fast we can rise on the corporate ladder with this maxim.

There is a need as professional women to deemphasize traditional stereotype and showcase our wealth of experience, vast knowledge, residual value and intelligence.

As a Female doctor, medicine is your field of expertise not your physical anatomy, as a Female Lawyer, the law is your compass not your body, as a Female Banker, the financial world is your forte not how swift your back can hit the couch.

Women have come of age having gone full circle. We are no longer confused as to what we can or cannot do.

We continue to stand out in various fields as achievers, role models, mentors even in traditional male vocations, we outshine and outclass, despite the discrimination against our gender.

We are mothers teaching the next generation the basic principles of survival; we are wives consoling and equipping our men to aid their growth.

We are women soft and imbued with emotional savvy and natural instinct.

We need to recognise that we were prepackaged by the maker and should flow in his purpose for our lives, we are female in gender but what we eventually become should be based on hard work and not just a pretty face or a curvy body.

We need to recognise that we were prepackaged by the maker and should flow in his purpose for our lives, we are female in gender but what we eventually become should be based on hard work and not just a pretty face or a curvy body.

•

Does your faith define who you are at work or do the business define who you are?

•

63

pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

I am dreaming of a

Calm Christmas Ways to have an unruffled christmas

Christmas ‘which is celebrating Love, Life, Christ ’ is not achieved.

Here are ways to stay calm and unruffled during Christmas: • Plan, Plan, Plan. Have a realistic Christmas budget. Try not to overspend, remember there are bills to pay and ensure you settle all bills no matter how little they are, before you begin to make other purchases, so you have a debt free Christmas.

Picture: Original Intentions, 0805 872 0733 | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

• Be Realistic - Remember you can’t please everyone during Christmas, so start by making a realistic list of people, you will get gifts for.

I

t’s Christmas again, and the race begins for meeting up deadlines, calculating end of year business profits and losses, buying gifts for friends and loved ones, settling debts, attending and hosting festive parties, stocking the house with groceries to entertain unexpected and expected guests, for some it may be planning a Christmas holiday or going to the village like our patriotic brothers in the east usually do.

During, Christmas there is a tendency for people to be anxious and jittery, due to various commitments lined up, that by the end the whole essence of 64

• SMS cuts the cost - You may not necessarily get Christmas cards for everyone so compose a lovely text message and send to all on your phone, this tends to be more effective because your messages are lingering on their phones for as long as they tend to keep it. While Christmas cards usually end up in a store or cupboard or worse the trash.

• Time Management - Try to finish up important deadlines for submission at least 2 or 3 weeks before Christmas, you need to manage your work schedule effectively, the least important ones can be done in the New Year.

• Buy ahead - Ensure you do your grocery shopping and gifts buying much earlier, 3 weeks before Christmas is ideal, because prices tend go higher during the Christmas period.

•

promises you can’t keep especially during Christmas; if you can’t visit everyone, never promise people you will visit them, and also never ask people what they want for Christmas, you may be in for a rude shock, if it’s way over your Christmas budget.

• Spend your time wisely - Avoid going out every day or to every occasion you are invited to if it’s not important, some days are meant for relaxing indoors with your family. Besides, Christmas should be a time to relax and pamper yourself, and regain your energy before hectic work resumes. So spend your time wisely like visiting orphanages thinking ahead of your New Year goals and aspirations etc.

• Make early reservations - it’s important to book your holidays, hotels, ahead with a dependable Travel agent to avoid the Christmas rush.

• Organize the home front - Organizing the home is critical during Christmas, especially if your nannies, domestic workers will be away, begin to plan ahead for a cousin or friend to help or assist you with chores, or if your children are old enough delegate their chores to make work simpler.

• Focus on Christ to give you peace that surpasses all understanding- Let Christ be the focus of your Christmas in every decision and step you take.

He makes a world of difference. Face it Christmas without Christ will be CRISIS.

Never, Never, Never...Never make

gemwoman | November/December 2007

pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

Does RED define Christmas?

Its Christmas again… lots of shopping to do, surprisingly everything comes in a touch of red, from cards, candles, ribbons, gift wrappers, decoration, magazine covers, to dresses all simply defining the Spirit of Christmas.

Does this mean that RED is synonymous with Christmas? Why isn’t it pink, blue, orange or even purple? I simply believe there is something in Red that shows Christmas.

Red is a fun colour, it symbolizes joy, happiness, prosperity, celebration Christ was born to bring joy, happiness to a dying world, the reason why we celebrate Christmas.

Red is also a strong colour that connotes warfare – Christ has been known to fight our battles, a man of warfare, great in battle. So this Christmas allow Christ to fight every battle.

Red also depicts Passion and Love, which sums off what Christ is, passionate and loving towards his children despite their shortcomings.

anger when we commit ourselves to unrighteous acts or deeds. Even his blood was shed to cleanse us from our sins, so we can celebrate Christmas in freedom and style.

Red indicates attention, limelight, attraction - Christ is the center of the world; he is the very essence of our being, his name attracts great interests in the hearts and minds of people.

Red is a symbol of power, courage, boldness, authority … which is another character of Christ. He was given power and authority over all things in heaven and on earth, in His presence is honor and glory. That’s why his name carries so much authority that whenever it is used…. It changes everything.

So if you ever wondered like me why the colour Red symbolizes Christmas.

These tips above, certainly explain it.

So sparkle your Christmas in Red. It defines Christ in every sense.

Red is the color of fire and blood, He is a consuming fire that burns in

Meaning of Christmas C H R I S T M A S

-

Christ the center of it all Have a happy and merry heart Rejoice, you are the light of the world Illuminate the world with Gods love Spread joy and love to a dying world Trusting God to complete his good work in you Messages of hope to all Appreciate, life, living and others Saying I love you is key

gemwoman | November/December 2007

Why JESUS is better than Santa Claus Santa lives at the North Pole...JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh...JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year...JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies...JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited...JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa...

JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap...JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn’t know your name, all he can say is “Hi little boy (or girl,) what’s your name?”...JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too.

He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly...JESUS has a heart full of love.

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO...

JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa says “You better not cry”...

JESUS says “Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.”

Santa’s little helpers make toys...

JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa is a “jolly old elf” JESUS is the King of Kings Santa may make you chuckle but...

JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree...

JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.

65

feminique

Freedom of

Expression

F

reedom of Expression is the concept of protecting any act of seeking, receiving and imparting of information or ideas. It’s importance cannot be over emphasized. It is regarded as an integral concept in modern liberal democracies and is guaranteed under international law through numerous human rights instruments.

In practice the right to freedom of expression is never absolute. There remains the lifelong task of maintaining a balance between the infringements of a person’s fundamental right and upholding civility and order. Western countries have varying approaches to maintaining this balance between freedom and order, however, it is generally recognized that restrictions should be the exception and free expression the rule. The restrictions tend to focus on seditious, libellous information, hate material or obscenities.

In part, the justification for freedom of expression is a general liberal or libertarian presumption against coercing individuals from living how they want.

However, there are a number of more specific justifications for freedom of 66

by Ochee Bamgboye

speech.

Free speech promotes a free flow of ideas essential to political democracy and democratic institutions and limits the ability of the state to subvert other rights and freedoms. Freedom of speech is crucial in any democracy, because open discussions of candidates are essential for voters to make informed decisions during elections.

It is through speech that people can influence their government’s choice of policies. Also, public officials are held accountable through criticisms that can pave the way for their replacement. When citizens refrain from voicing their discontent because they fear retribution, the government can no longer be responsive to them, thus it is less accountable for its actions.

Another rationale for freedom of speech is its integral link to social tolerance, a basic value in society. The free speech principle involves exercising extraordinary self-restraint, the purpose of which is to develop and demonstrate a social capacity to control feelings evoked by a host of social encounters. The free speech principle helps to shape the intellectual character of the society.

Freedom of Expression also pro-

motes a marketplace of ideas. This is crucial for social and economic development. According to Phillip Emeagwali, Africa’s greatest scientist, unless Africa significantly increases its intellectual capital, the continent will remain irrelevant in the 21st century and even beyond. He noted that ‘Africa needs innovators, producers of knowledge, and wise men and women who can discover, propose, and then implement progressive ideas’. It is intrinsically valuable as part of the selfactualisation of our people.

Expressions are a way of giving some life to the thoughts and feelings inside us. It is through expressions that human beings achieve a harmony between the physical exterior and the mental core propelling them towards self actualisation. It is a basic function of our genetic make up.

The development of the Internet, cheaper and faster communication devices has opened new possibilities for achieving freedom of speech using methods that do not depend on legal measures. As these communication devices spread across the globe the question to ask is - what does this mean for freedom of expression and what threats does the new environgemwoman | November/December 2007

feminique ment bring? More crucially how do we respond to them?

The idea of a marketplace of ideas was welcomed essentially because it argues for the freedom to develop and discuss ideas in the search for truth or understanding. We now need the equivalence of the wisdom of Einstein, to turn too much information — or information overload — into focused substance of intellectual value, not only to process, but also to evaluate the overwhelming amount of information available on the Internet.

The well heralded marketplace of ideas has become like Alaba International Market, in lagos, Nigeria swarming with anything ranging from genuine information to counterfeits being passed off as originals. For each time I browse the internet I can literally hear the cajolement in my head.

‘Which one do you want?’ Original?, Original – original?, Correct original or genuine original?.

The new technology presents an added task of sifting the corn from the husk, the sense from nonsense and the truth from the lies.

Everyone has ideas, thoughts and beliefs and the internet is an open licence to express them to just about anybody so it is crucial to note that not everyone who expresses ideas is a sage. Not all ideas that enter the barnyard of ideas increase our knowledge or understanding. Some will confuse or even deceive its audience. It is also crucial to evaluate the implicit value of an idea. This can be deduced from the nature of its originator and the motives intended. Truth does not necessarily triumph over falsehood in the short term. Some negative ideas may drown out the truth because they enjoy dissemination through superior resources.

It is visible throughout history that people can be swayed by emotions rather than reason, and even if truth ultimately prevails, enormous harm can occur during the interim.

Long before Article 19 of the Universal Declaration for Human Rights gemwoman | November/December 2007

affirmed ‘Freedom of Expression’ as a main stay of human liberty, Niccollo Machiavelli exercised his right to expression by documenting his thoughts and reflections about Italy’s invasion in the 15th century.

Machiavelli was an ambassador, advisor and chief secretary of his city, Florence. His book ‘The Prince’ published posthumously in 1532 was essentially a letter to the head of the ruling family, urging him to promote a champion to unite Italy against its invaders. The methods of treachery, intrigue, subterfuge, and tyranny which Machiavelli advises in his writings gave rise to the word ‘machiavellian’.

His philosophy marked him out as the effective founder of modern political science and one of the true makers of the Renaissance. Though ‘The Prince’ was not published in Machiavelli’s lifetime, and its text is still disputed,

He also schools his readers in the strategies for gaining and maintaining power. The reflective writings are the source of modern philosophies like ‘the end justifies the means’ and ‘a means to an end’ These basic building blocks of Machiavelli’s thought induced considerable controversy. The most extreme critics find Machiavelli to be a teacher of evil, on the grounds that he counsels leaders to avoid the common values of justice, mercy, temperance, wisdom, and love of their people in preference to the use of cruelty, violence, fear, and deception. A more moderate school of thought, views Machiavelli as simply a “realist” or a “pragmatist” advocating the suspension of commonplace ethics in matters of politics.

The exercise of ‘freedom of expression’ can have far reaching effects as was the case with Machiavellianism.

The free speech principle involves exercising extraordinary self-restraint, the purpose of which is to develop and demonstrate a social capacity to control feelings evoked by a host of social encounters. it is now one of the mainstays of philosophy, political science, economics and history. Many leaders, regardless of whether they call themselves king, president, prime-minister- have almost certainly read Machiavelli.

Machiavellianism can be summarized as a recommendation that the prince (a leader) above all else must acquire a flexible disposition On Machiavelli’s account, the leader that is best suited for office is one who is capable of varying her/his conduct from good to evil and back again “as fortune and circumstances dictate” Machiavelli presents to his readers a vision of political rule purged of extraneous moralizing influences.

We must look beyond the right to freedom of expression and begin to contemplate its after effects. Whilst the state can use legal measures to gag offensive material, individuals must learn to evaluate the implicit value of the idea, thought or speech in comparison with the impact it will have on its audience.

The internet and media is swarming with harmful content that has been cloaked in appealing images aimed at prompting audiences to think in a particular way as desired by the originator of the idea. The Harry Potter Series and Sabrina, The Teenage Witch are examples of how modern continued on page 97 67

apples of gold

WEEK 1

November/December DAY 3

DAY 1

Man’s way leads to a hopeless end - God’s way leads to an endless hope.

Give God what’s right - not what’s left.

WEEK 2

DAY 2 DAY 8 Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

DAY 10 When praying, don’t give God instructions - just report for duty.

WEEK 3

DAY 9 DAY 17

DAY 15 When God ordains, He sustains.

WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

If He changed the story of Jabez, surely He can change your own story.

WEEK 5

WEEK 4

DAY 16 DAY 22

DAY 24

Exercise daily - walk with the Lord.

Never give the devil a ride - he will always want to drive.

Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

DAY 23 DAY 28 Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

DAY 29 68

gemwoman | November/December 2007

r DAY 5 A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

DAY 4 DAY 12 Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.

We don’t change God’s message - His message changes us.

DAY 7 In the sentence of life, the Don’t put a question mark devil may be a comma - but where God puts a period. never let him be the period.

DAY 6 DAY 13 The church is prayer-conditioned.

DAY 11

DAY 14

DAY 18

DAY 20

Plan ahead - It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

DAY 21

DAY 19 DAY 26 He came to give you life - life abundantly.

He who angers you controls you.

DAY 25 DAY 30 Give Satan an inch & he’ll be a ruler.

Be ye fishers of men - you catch them & He’ll clean them.

DAY 27 He has brought you this far to take you further, the best is yet to come.

DAY 31 gemwoman | November/December 2007

69

feature Turning your ‘curse’ into a cause continued from page 47

became lighter, as I was now able to entrust him in God’s care, to do what He alone could do in Daniel’s life. At the same time, we then began to look for what we could do, as his parents, to help him.

Later, I realised that God must have specially prepared me before the foundation of this world, to handle this challenge.The Bible says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man, but God, who is faithful, will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it...”(1 Corinthians10:13) God was aware of this situation long before it occured, so it did not take Him by surprise.Therefore, He had prepared for us before hand, the

in his life, but I can testify that he has greatly improved, compared to where he was some years past.

Did I just suddenly develop overnight a positive mindset to my son’s situation? Definitely not!

I will share with you a number of things I did that helped out: (1) Research the condition: I researched into my son’s condition and read every available book I could lay my hands on about autism. I even did a short online course through the internet, to help me understand him, and how to help him better. With all these information, I was able to understand what he was going through; how he was feeling; and what would be good for him. I learnt about the solutions

I began to actually see my son indeed as a blessing from God. I began to see his challenges too as blessings and not as a curse (as I had felt initially). path we had to follow to see us through.

So, all we needed to do was to seek His face in prayers.

As my husband and I began to shower more love on our son, his confidence started growing. He began to break the barriers of his autistic condition by living beyond the limitations of his world. Hence, since we changed our attitude towards him, we saw in him, the desire to open up to us, and the crave to be cuddled, hugged and kissed. He began to make efforts to try out new things, probably because he knows that his success in any task (like weeing in the proper place), no matter how seemingly trivial, will earn him cheers from mummy and daddy, and the whole family. I am not saying that an overnight miracle has taken place 70

available to help other children who are in a similar condition, and was able to discover the ones which I felt would be best for my son. I also read stories of people that had similar challenges as young people.

The lesson therefore is that we should not just accept what people tell us, even if they are medical practioners, without first weighing it, to know the other side of it. A few years ago, I took my son for diagnosis abroad. There, we met with a female doctor who was supposed to be one of the best in the field. At the end of the time spent with her, I left more depressed than I had felt before going there because she had nothing positive to say about him. She actually told me that there was nothing we could do about his condition. Her

report was that he would never be able to learn to do anything, and would spend the rest of his life dependent on others! She even went on to tell me not to believe any of the so - called miracle interventions out there! Thank God I decided to read wide, which opened my eyes to every possibility available.

The Lord disproved every statement she made, although for me, it was a painful slow process.

(2) Get medical help when necessary: This might seem to contradict my previous point in relation to the female doctor story above. However, it does not change the fact that one still needs to get the help of qualified medical personnels. Talk to a seasoned pedeatrician, and he will tell you all the therapists that need to work with the affected child. It could be speech, occupational, physio and so on.

Each one of them has his own specific role to play in helping the child.

There might also be the need for some tests or a change in the child’s diet, based on the advice of the doctor. In addition, work only with people that are positive in their outlook and utterances. Seek counsel from doctors who are both realistic and positive in their attitude to life. Avoid people who have nothing positive to say about your child. They will end up discouraging and frustrating you. In other words, be careful who you listen to in this situation.

(3) Network with parents like you: This can be so theraupeutic for you.

Networking with other parents of special needs children will do one of these two things for you: It will help you understand that you are not alone in your struggles.Secondly, it will help you realise that even with your child’s condition, you still have something to thank God for. Since the time my husband and I went for a Parents training about a year ago, and met a couple of other parents from different parts of the world,who were in similar situatons, we knew our challenge was little, gemwoman | November/December 2007

feature compared to what others were going through. There, we met a couple who had a set of twin boys who were both autistic. We also met a woman whose husband had just abandoned her to care alone for her three autistic children. We also met people who had success stories to tell about their children’s recovery. That, to us, was quite encouraging.

(4) Receive God’s Word: This could be in the form of a prophetic word from the Lord, spoken in favour of your child, or a ‘Rhema’ (an inspirational word) you received while reading the Word of God (the Bible).

You need to make yourself available in places where you can eaasily hear God’s Word - spoken to your heart.

His Word is forever settled in heaven and on earth. It is creative in power; life changing and miracle working.

It produces tremendous results in the life of whoever receives it. However, the secret is that it needs to be heard and mixed with faith in the heart for it to produce results. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes from the Word of God. God’s Word produces faith in your heart, to believe Him for ‘the impossible’. The words I receive concerning my son do keep me going in times of discouragement, as I have learnt not to look at him through the eyes of his challenges, but through the Word of God. When you focus on what God says about your child, regardless of what you see, your faith rises, giving you the strength to carry on. Overtime, learn to speak the Word of God on your child.

Always say he will do what God’s Word says he can do. As he hears it continually, he will gradually learn to believe you, and identify with God’s Word.

Do I see these past six years as a wasteful or an unfruitful season of my life? The answer is a big NO! Looking at myself now, I’ve realised that I am not the same woman I was about seven years ago. I am now more appreciative of God, even for things I used to take for granted concerning my older chilgemwoman | November/December 2007

dren. Now, with my special son, every milestone, no matter how long it takes us to get there, calls for celebration in my family. I have realised that I am now more compassionate, especially to other special needs children.

The day a family came to my church with a special-needs child, my heart was immediately drawn to them. Immediately after the service, I went to meet them for a discourse; to encourage them about their child. I could feel what they had gone through and were still going through with that son of theirs because I had a similar experience.

I felt the joy of the Lord leap in my heart as I shared my experiences with them. I now feel the reality of the scripture that says, “...who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Cor. 1:4) In essence, everything we go through in life has been divinely packaged by God, to prepare us for our future assignments. How else would I have been able to counsel parents of a special needs child if I had not had the experience myself? Thus whatever challenge you may be facing right now, bear it in mind that it is necessary for the fulfillment of your destiny. There are

...everything we go through in life has been divinely packaged by God, to prepare us for our future assignments. thousands (if not millions) waiting in your future for your success story. You cannot, and must not give up now. The whole world is awaiting your manifestation. Let that thing that seems like a curse in your life become your cause, your mission and your passion.You can either see that child as the greatest burden of your life, or the source of your greatest life testimony. The choice is yours; choose right.

71

affectionately yours Unrealistic Expectations continued from page 17

likely to generate the wrong response.

Bitter and sarcastic words can make your spouse to recoil into his shell or respond negatively. Watch your words and guard your tongue. Keep your discussion honest and positive. Keep it under control.

3. Wrong Attitude A critical attitude will also make us avoid “intimate talks”. A wife said “How can I communicate with my husband once he decides it’s not worthy of his attention, he just quits listening or he tells me that’s not important enough to discuss.”

A fault- finding or judgmental attitude must be replaced with a positive response and an accepting attitude.

A lot of us admittedly are impatient and somewhat critical and we must do something to address this weakness.

4. Listening with your ears and heart Listening is an underdeveloped skill in most marriages and research shows that much misunderstanding is attributed to poor listening.

According to Ed Wheat, a biblical counselor, “If you only half- listen you will half - hear so give each other your complete attention.” Listen with your heart so that you will not only hear what the other is really saying but also what he is feeling. Don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions about what the other is saying. Hear your partner out before responding. Repeat your partner’s thoughts and feelings back to him so that he is sure you have understood him correctly. When your spouse is sharing thoughts and feelings with you, stop what you are doing, concentrate and maintain eye contact. .

5. Individual Differences * Having individual differences is normal. Differences of opinion between couples especially over trivial matters often lead to arguments and a breakdown of communication.

An expert in communication has suggested that men and women com72

municate differently. He said that men are more linear in their thinking moving from a to b to c, while a woman can attack the subject from nine directions. He said women don’t mind saying, “I need” while men on the other hand do not say that but usually express their needs by saying “I want”.

6. Keep your discussions private Don’t swing at your spouse in public or in the presence of your kids.

7. Unusual Tension Be sensitive to the danger when an uncomfortable tension is felt concerning a particular topic/issue. It is a problem when you know there is something that cannot be talked about together. It is best to take quick action

to resolve the situation before it gets out of hand.

8. Heat of the moment When you are angry, don’t take something shared with you in a vulnerable moment and turn it against your mate as a weapon.

Don’t say too much when you are angry, you are likely to live to regret it.

Wrong words can make you wound or lose a loved one. Psalm 141:3 “Set a watch, O lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.”

This prayer point is a must for us all.

According to Ed Wheat and Gloria Perkins, who are marriage counselors, there are 6 ways a discussion goes wrong - A War To Be Won As couples we must realize that no one wins in an argument. Our aim should always be to reach mutual un-

derstanding while maintaining our good feelings for one another.

- Personal Rejection Unfortunately people often confuse rejection of their ideas with rejection of themselves. On the contrary, you can benefit in marriage from bringing your varying view points together, discussing them, finding a solution and gaining a deeper appreciation for one another at the same time.

- A Change of Weapon Learn to discuss only the matter at hand. Not knowing how to express your feelings without putting others down and pretending to be communicating, when you are merely attacking your spouse, is not right. Don’t change the subject and drag in other issues to use as weapon against your partner.

- Sweeping Generalisations Out of frustration by the inability to make their point, people often use “fighting words/expressions” like “You always…”, “You never…”. The temptation for the other person is to stoop to the same tactic and argue, “I do not! You always…” or “You never…”

- Shouting It is an inappropriate and childish way of responding to disagreements.

One wife once wrote, “I wish my husband could discuss a matter without shouting. He seems to think that talking loud and fast is the only way to communicate”.

- Yes, But “ Yes, But …” is a communication stopper.

Refuse to use these two words in combination again. Instead begin with a favorable response, such as “I see what you mean”, “I hadn’t thought of it that way”. Move right on smoothly into your point, presented as a question, “Do you think that…?” Tactfully offer your question in such a way that it is not regarded as an attack or put- down. * Subtlte Hints If there is a genuine desire to learn how to communicate, you will soon begin to enjoy peace and rest in your home. gemwoman | November/December 2007

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pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

Santa Claus is coming to town Every child dreamt of Santa Claus coming in at night to drop a box of presents by his or her bedside on Christmas day, as a child I actually did think Santa Claus was real and anticipated every Christmas that he would personally visit me.

I saw Santa on TV, attended Santa shows but I needed much more, I desired my very own personal Santa, who would visit and hand me beautiful gifts with my name inscribed on them, I longed for my personal SANTA, who knew my name, address and everything about me, a SANTA who could make my hopes and dreams come true.

I later understood, that SANTA was every child’s illusion of a saviour, the One who makes wishes come true. The one who makes you happy and give you gifts (not temporal but permanent).

In search for SANTA, little did I know that my personal SANTA had always been in town. The fact that he was born in a manger, not a fancy place to be born, made him unrecognizable, but his birth brought joy, peace and love to the world, that wise men, shepherd men, searched to find him and declared him the true Christmas hero, the one who makes ALL things come true. He wasn’t a fairy

tale SANTA, who was available during Christmas, but a REAL SANTA for all seasons…. [Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter] all I needed was to give him a call.

If you are searching for SANTA this Christmas, don’t look too far, he is right in your town He has got your details, packaged with a gift, with your name engraved and even more, the number of hairs on your head He knows.

Hence, you cannot be mistaken for another. He knows you personally. He may not come in a red and white frock, because his appearance is too dazzling to behold, He may not come with toys, because his appearance is backed with words that will illuminate your soul.

He is a SANTA with a big heart and He is just right where you are. If you are wondering who I am talking about, His name is Jesus Christ, ‘your very own Personal ‘SANTA CLAUS’. If you don’t yet know him why not call on him today.

He answers every call. He not only comes on Christmas day. He is available every day.

Enjoy and have a wonderful Christmas and a fulfilled 2008.

Christmas Humour 1. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? - It’s Christmas, Eve. 2. Two foolish friends were searching for a suitable Christmas tree for their homes in frozen woods. After hours of harsh cold weather and exhausting but fruitless search, first said to another, “Let’s just hack any tree we get, whether it’s decorated or not!”

3. A guy’s wife was nagging him hard for a four-wheeler but still he bought her a beautiful extravagant diamond ring for Christmas. The husband’s friend was amazed at his decision and asked him in secret, “Why couldn’t you buy a car instead of the diamond ring?” The husband smiled and answered, “Fake cars are not easy to find.”

gemwoman | November/December 2007

•

Christmas is when Jesus Christ is the center and focus of your life.

•

75

here’s to health ‘Foods’ to

avoid this christmas healthy alternatives and the

by Tony Akinyemi There are many factors that interact to define our health. These include: • Spiritual Factors, • Mental/Psychological/Emotional Factors, • Environmental Factors, and • Nutritional Factors.

Each of these factors impacts on our body’s biochemistry and affects our health in some way. They either enhance or impede the biochemical processes that go on in our bodies to keep us alive and well. For instance, stress can affect the way our food is digested and assimilated.

From a nutritional standpoint, there are two significant factors that we must pay attention to in our pursuit of wellness: • The amount of toxins that make their way into our body, and • The balance of nutri-

76

ents that we deliberately put into our bodies.

Wellness at the biological level is largely dependent upon the two factors stated above. If an individual has minimal toxins in his/her system and is at the same time well nourished with adequate and balanced nutrients, then, all things being equal, the individual should enjoy good health and long life.

Nutritionally speaking, therefore, disease occurs when there is either too much toxins in the system or there are deficiencies or inadequate supply of appropriate nutrients in the body.

These two conditions are described as TOXEMIA and MALNUTRITION respectively. (Mind you, heredity also plays a role in the development of certain diseases, but that is not the focus of our discussion here.) It is estimated that only 5 people out of every 1,000 are born with genetic conditions with serious health consequences. The remaining 995 people in a thousand suffer ill-health as a result of non-genetic (non-hereditary) factors. The implication is that if we would simply address the issues of toxemia, malnutrition, stress, etc, we can prevent or reverse most diseases. In this article, we would address our minds to Toxemia, principally.

There are 5 easy ways in which we can get both toxins and nutrients into our body: • Through the AIR we breathe, • Through the DRINKS we consume,

• Through the FOODS we ingest, • Through the COSMETICS, MEDICATIONS, SOCIAL DRUGS, etc that we use, and • Through the activities of MICROORGANISMS in our system.

Each of the five channels of exposure to toxins and nutrients described above must be guarded carefully to ensure that we are not laying the foundation for disease in our bodies unwittingly. The best way to help reduce the toxic load in our body is to MINIMIZE the rate at which toxic products get into our system and to put our WASTE ELIMINATION SYSTEM on turbo. And one good way to MINIMIZE the rate at which toxic materials get into our system is by watching what we breathe, eat, drink, and use as cosmetics, drugs, etc.

Air: If our environment is polluted, the probability is very high that we would inhale dangerous and highly toxic substances that can endanger our health. Cigarette smoke (ACTIVE or PASSIVE smoking), industrial waste, emissions from automobiles, insecticides, fumes from petrol, etc, all pose as health hazards that we must avoid inhaling as much as possible. As much as possible, contact with radio-active emissions from telecommunication masts, cell phones, microwave ovens, etc, should be minimized too.

Drinks: Drinks that are fresh and natural should be the best choice for anyone who is health conscious. gemwoman | November/December 2007

Freshly extracted orange juice, pineapple juice, watermelon juice, tomato juice, carrot juice, etc, or combinations of carrot juice mixed with the juices of green leafy vegetables such as celery, cabbage, lettuce, etc, in a 70:30 ratio is an excellent idea. Water, of course, should constitute the best beverage for all of us. For those who do not like the odourless, colourless, and tasteless property of purified water, a tinge of lime or lemon in water will provide the necessary taste. By all means, chemicalladen, sugar-laden, aspartame-laden, carbonated drinks, alcoholic beverages, caffeinated drinks, etc, should be avoided. Carbonated drinks are usually packaged with Carbon Dioxide (a human waste product!), excessive amount of refined sugar (which disrupts the endocrine system), and are usually too acidic for our body, especially our teeth. Alcohol is more or less a hard drug that should be avoided by all means. The negative impact of alcohol on health, career, family, finances, behaviour, and road safety are clearly known by all and sundry. Besides, caffeine, alcohol, and refined sugar are all addictive substances.

Foods: Since it is difficult to dictate to people which foods they should or should not eat, I will simply give guidelines as to what to consider in making our food choices. Try to avoid: • Highly processed and refined foods (Fresh farm produce are better); • Canned foods (Raw foods are better); • Rotten farm produce – e.g. rotten tomatoes, peppers, onions, etc (Fresh farm produce is the better and healthier choice); • Mouldy foods (food items that have moulds growing on them); • Fried Foods (Broiled, boiled, baked, roasted, or raw are better); • Hydrogenated & Partially hydrogenated foods - e.g. margarine (Unsalted organic butter is better); • Highly salted and sugared packaged or fast foods (Home-cooking is better); • Saturated Animal Fats - as found in poultry skin, fatted land animals, gemwoman | November/December 2007

etc (Coconut Oil, Omega 3 & 6 Fatty Acids, Avocado Pear, Raw Almonds, Ground Flaxseed, etc, are the healthier options); • Mico-waved foods (Convectional or conventional ovens are better); • Aluminium cooking utensils (stainless steel, glass cookware, earthenware, etc, are better alternatives); • Common Salt (Unrefined Sea Salt is the salt of choice for food preparation); etc.

Most packaged foods are laden with chemical preservatives, artificial flavours and colourings, emulsifiers, MSG, etc, that are dangerous to health on the long run. Again, most food processing methods usually eliminate very important nutrients or food co-factors from foods before they are packaged for sale. For instance, fibre or roughage is eliminated from wheat to make it into white flour. This de-naturing (de-mineralizing, de-vitaminizing, defiberizing, and destruction of food enzymes) of foods make them less nutritious than the way God served them to us in nature. Frying our foods often create tran-fats that are dangerous to health.

It is important therefore to eat foods that are as close as possible to the way they were harvested. I normally describe canned and boxed foods on supermarket shelves as ‘DEAD FOOD LYING IN STATE’. We must consume more of LIVING FOODS (i.e. foods in their fresh and raw state with living enzymes still in them). Raw vegetable salads, fresh fruits, raw vegetable juices, raw nuts, etc, and a little amount of cooked food to go with it. For a starter, consuming 50% raw foods and 50% cooked food a day is a good beginning. Ultimately, a higher percentage of raw foods and a lower percentage of cooked foods should be adopted. I have never known anyone who is obese or overweight eating this way.

Cosmetics: Certain cosmetics too are dangerous to our health. We must make informed choices in this area

It is important therefore to eat foods that are as close as possible to the way they were harvested. too. Body sprays and roll-ons that contain aluminium compounds should be avoided. Cosmetics that we apply on our skin may contain dangerous chemicals that get absorbed into our bloodstream through the skin.

Micro-organisms: When an individual gets infected with bacteria, fungi or viruses, these pathogenic organisms usually multiply rapidly within the body of their victim. In the process, they release a lot of toxic waste materials into the system that could be lifethreatening. Therefore, we must do all in our power to avoid getting infected.

On the natural plane, there are a few things we can do to avoid or, at least, minimize our risk of deadly infections: personal hygiene and environmental sanitation, a strong immune system, dealing with diseases such as diabetes, etc.

Drugs: All drugs (whether prescription, over-the-counter, or hard drugs) are toxic to the body to some degree.

We should therefore especially avoid continued on page 97 77

pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

25 fun and creative things to do this Christmas JOY TO YOU ALL - Thinking of how to make your Christmas a season to remember for forever, here are 25 fun and creative things to do.

Charity - Particularly around the Christmas season people are involved with buying, and pay less attention to respond to the needs of the less fortunate people. Start by buying gifts for the less fortunate in your area and gather gifts for them - ask around for charities in your neighbour hood, or community that you can be part of.

1

Light up your home - To some people, putting Christmas lights around may sound archaic, but one does not need to put too much - a few will actually do. You could add lots of colorful candles too. Lighting up your home creates a spirit of Christmas and brings a different atmosphere to your home.

2

Dress up as Santa Claus - However, from a historical perspective, Santa Claus actually isn’t that old and he has also been known as a rather fiery gentleman. So young fathers and uncles, aunties can excite their children and little ones and dress up as young Santa Claus.

3

Go visiting! Christmas is a lonely time for shut-ins, widows, and residents at nursing homes. Take time to share yourself with them by making Christmas cookies from your favorite easy recipes.

Package them in white bags, tie with red ribbons, and deliver them to the elderly or ill neighbors. You can also practice a little singing so you can go caroling as you deliver them.

Study how other cultures and countries celebrate Christmas. Try incorporating a foreign tradition into your Christmas celebration. You can also read about what other countries enjoy doing during Christmas.

You will definitely find a lot of inspiration to make your Christmas special and different from the usual.

Watch some old movies, movies from the past, will get the family in joyful mood. Movies such as “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Sound of Music’’, “Oklahoma”.

Invent Christmas names for your dishes - Name your dishes after Christmas names such as snowballs deserts, Santa Claus cookies, mistletoe cakes etc.

4

5

Creative ideas for the kids - Christmas season is for the entire family but children especially look forward to it. Be creative with ideas for example, let the children read a Christmas story from the bible or children’s book and act it out or Let the children design Christmas cards out of cardboard and paper and colour them with Christmas messages.

6

7

Save a soul - Sponsor an underprivileged child or family.

8

9

Host a Christmas Party with a theme - Invite family, friends to dress up in RED AND GREEN dress theme on Christmas day for lunch and entertain them with fun Christmas games - such as Christmas cross words , puzzles etc, with Christmas carol songs playing at the background- make it truly a memorable day.

10

Make / design your own Christmas tree - you don’t have to spend too much in buying a Christmas tree, decorate an artificial flower with ribbons, cards, candles with lights and wrap empty boxes and place under the tree.

11

78

gemwoman | November/December 2007

pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

14

12

Do the extraordinary - Give out a new dress, television set, some thing that cost you a lot and has never been worn or used to someone that really needs it.

Gather a group of close friends and start a volunteer group that will renovate a homeless center this Christmas - gather a group of friends, who share the same vision for the homeless and renovate a homeless center, it could be the bed rooms, kitchen, play room etc.

Text a smile to 25 people - send out soul lifting Christmas text messages and emails, to at least 25 friends, family - say a word that will bring a smile.

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Food for all - look for a few families in church and brighten up their Christmas with Rice, Oil, cakes, etc.

Go to the children’s Dept in hospitals visit them with gifts.

Many have been there for years.

17 20

Plan a day trip with the family to historic places such as arts and crafts village.

You and I - pamper yourself and your spouse with a trip to the spa.

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Visit the HIV/AIDS ward at the General hospital many have been forgotten by friends and family remember to go with a gift.

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Be a blessing - look for a missionary to bless.

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Tell about Christ - Print tracts with the reason for the season and distribute in your neighborhood who knows how many souls will be saved.

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Cook - get a few friends together and cook to distribute to the indigenes on the street.

25 gemwoman | November/December 2007

Go on a break - with your family after all Christmas comes only once

Picture me - Have a family portrait taken.

I wish - Make someone’s wish come true. Buy christmas clothes or shoes for that man/woman in church who you know really needs it. Better still, make it anonymous.

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we’ve got male

When the tables turn in

your home

by Peter Yakubu 80

gemwoman | November/December 2007

we’ve got male One sunny afternoon, after a hectic day, I met a young lady in my office, looking sad, haggard and miserable. I had hardly uttered a word when she snapped: “I give up!” That moment, I knew the day’s job had just begun.

What about you? How is life with you, sweet, smooth, exciting, interesting? Yes! I can imagine your urge to react to this unrealistic answer of mine. Perhaps the journey to your place of destiny has been really rough and stained with all sorts of challenges.

Have you been beaten, battered and betrayed? Does it appear that you’re a disaster going anywhere to happen?

I doubt if I’ve creatively captured the ugliness of your situation.

The baseline, my dear, is that life is neither fair nor unfair to anyone.

Whatever a man plants into it is what it gives in return. Take into cognizance, therefore, that to a large extent, it is your perspective of life that moulds and shapes yours. Life, though a constant phenomenon, is designed with times and seasons, ups and downs. Many a times, it offers some complex issues that are difficult for one to handle.

What then is the way out of such situations? My first counsel to you is that you avoid comparing your situation with your neighbour’s. Remember, you are different people with separate desgemwoman | November/December 2007

tinies. Besides, your high tide may be your neighbour’s low season.

Since the days of Adam, God has never created a perfect condition for man. If He does, man may be irrelevant to life. Perhaps your season of roses has changed to chaos; do understand that the journey of life, like any normal road, is full of hills and slopes.

You may now be ascending the hills of life, exerting much strength and energy; bear in mind that it is an essential criterion for attaining your peak in life, if you do not quit. Unfortunately, as life would have it, you may need to first descend, in preparation for ascension. Going up is tough, compared to sloping, which occurs easily. Thus, your tough time may just be your process of ascension. Hard as it may be now, you are going up.

In spite of all the obstacles and

be his low season; he will surely rise again, if you stand by him rather than ride over him.

Are your dreams for your children waning? Are you being forced to pull your children out of their dream school because the fees are not forth coming?

The destiny of each child of yours is in God’s hands and not in any man’s. Just guide them in the way of the Lord, and they will fulfill their destinies. (Proverbs 15:16; 17:1.) KJV Delay is not denial. You may be married for years, and yet have no child.

Bitterness won’t bring them. God requires of you, a positive and prayerful attitude. Get your inspiration from the story of Hannah, who though wanted a son, was, at the proper time, blessed

by God, with Samuel-a prophet.

Challenges are constant in life.

The most important thing is how you

Challenges are constant in life.

The most important thing is how you manage every of your life seasons. slopes in a journey, they should not stop you from reaching your destination. Don’t be bitter. Holding on to grudges against another has a way of destroying an individual, and breaking marriages and homes. Talk about it and let it go. During a counseling session with a couple, Kunle and Bunmi, we soon traced the root of their 3 year marital problems to the day Kunle slapped his wife, who, ever since, held a grudge against him. The story soon turned around for good when they discussed it and forgave each other.

Perhaps you are presently the bread winner of your home; do not despise your husband in his low estate. Instead, be his help meet. Support him, and hope for a change. It might just

manage every of your life seasons. “In the day of prosperity, be joyful, but in the day of adversity, consider: Surely God also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him.” (Eccl. 7:14) KJV So, beloved, don’t give up. Do not focus on that problem of yours. Instead, see Christ in the storm, with faith in your heart that all will be well.

He has allowed it for a purpose. He’s the master chess player. Therefore, in His time, He will make all things beautiful for you. Cheers!

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motivational

In Ev

T

Season

he delight of every young married lady, is to get the good news that she is going to be a mother one day. Day after day, month after month, she watches with great expectation, the bundle of joy growing on the inside of her until the time for delivery comes.I remember clearly the way I felt the very first time I carried my baby in my arms over twelve years ago. The feeling was indescribable! I looked with wonder at the small human being in my arms, who seemed so helpless and was ready to suck right away! Before then, I had heard that a miracle happens when a woman carries her baby for the first time. She completely forgets every pain she went through before and during the delivery. No wonder she is back in the same delivery room after a short while to go through the process allover again! Yours sincerely went in and out of the room five times over! Don’t ask me how come or why?!

A pregnancy usually goes through different stages and seasons. There is the time of conception, the time the baby grows and develops in the womb, and the time when the baby is ready to be delivered. However, the delivery of the baby does not just come unannounced, certain signs would point to the woman that her baby is ready to be delivered. The birth pains come and gradually increase in intensity until it becomes unbearable for the woman to sit still, except the baby is born. Whatever the stage of the pregnancy however, it is expected of the woman to put certain precautions in place, to ensure 82

e ry

by Omokorede Fasoro

that the baby grows well and is healthy and sound at the time of delivery.

A man of God Rev Sam Adeyemi once said in one of his books........ideas rule the world. In essence, movements, discoveries and technologies that have had a great impact on the world, started as an idea in someone’s mind.

This is the main reason why the womb of your mind is the greatest asset you have as a person. Whatever you conceive in your mind, and nurture in your mind is what you will one day deliver. Therefore, for any great idea or invention to be delivered into the world, it must go through different seasons (like a pregnancy), until it is finally manifested for the whole world to see. There is a time to conceive the idea, a time to nuture and a time to deliver it.

Let us look at each of the stages one after the other.

Conception: This is the time an idea is formed in the womb of one’s mind.

They come as thoughts that fill one’s mind repeatedly and fail to go away.

They could be dreams or visions of things you would one day love to do or become. They could be the thoughts of an invention you would love to create, or a business you would love to begin.

They could even be things that seem too much for you to accomplish, considering your present position. I heard it said once, that your dream or vision in life must be so big for you, that it can only take the help of God to bring its fulfillment.........

However, if you find it difficult to

conceive an idea, think about this......

Just like the woman needs to receive seed from a man to conceive a child, your mind also needs to receive the right seed inorder to conceive an idea.

Are you in this season of your life, where you are looking for ideas to conceive? Then, look for the right seed to feed your mind with. Read the right stuff, listen to the right stuff and look out for the right stuff. What you see and hear will determine the kind of baby you conceive and ultimately what you will deliver. Read wide, read about great achievers, find out how they conceived what they were able to deliver into the world, read about their challenges, and how they handled them. Most of all, read the word of God (the Bible). There you will find out about God’s divine purpose and plan for His children.

Nurturing: This is the season during which the woman takes extra care to eat right, drink right and exercise right, so that the baby can grow strong and healthy, free of any kind of complications. Where she goes also matters, so that she is not exposed to toxic substances that can harm her baby. As soon as Mary the mother of Jesus received the message of her conception, she left her comfort zone to be with another pregnant woman like herself, her cousin Elizabeth. Her cousin declared that the moment Mary entered the room and greeted her, the baby in her womb leapt for joy! In essence, babies can hear and will respond to what they hear whether negatively or postively.

During this period of nurturing, gemwoman | November/December 2007

motivational watch who you move with and what you listen to. Avoid people who will abort your dreams with negative words and toxic confessions. Move with people who are pregnant with ideas like you are, so you can have common things to talk about. Relate to people that are already where you are aspiring to be, people that will encourage you, counsel you aright, motivate you and cheer you all the way to the delivery room.

Mary stayed back with Elizabeth her cousin for another three months, until her baby John was born. She waited to be a part of the delivery of Elizabeth’s miracle baby. She stayed back to help Elizabeth in the delivery of her own dream and miracle. She invested into the life of a fellow dreamer and reaped the reward when her time came. With this, Mary also received strength to hold on to her pregnancy and the vision she had been given. She was able to nurture it, watch it grow until it was safely delivered.

Likewise dear friend, in this period of nurturing, look for others around you that are pregnant and those you can help in the delivery of their own dreams. Mike Murdoch said once....

What you make happen for others, God will make happen for you........

time of delivery is near. Thankfully there are signs that will let her know this. The water breaks, the birth pangs would begin, the cervix would enlarge and the baby would begin to make the descent down the birth canal.

As a person pregnant with ideas, dreams or visions, the moment you suddenly begin to feel uncomfortable with your present situation in life, and the ideas in you keep going round and round in your heart, and you feel like your heart is about to burst, your delivery season is about to come. When the thoughts of what you want to do or accomplish in life become so heavy in your heart that you cannot seem to have any rest, like the pregnant woman, it is time for you to check into the delivery room for the baby to be brought forth.

Note however, that before the delivery of the dream you need to experience some birth pains, so that you can push forth your baby. The good news however, is that it is only for a shortwhile. Birth pains at this stage could be painful experineces that will hurt you, your reputation, your dignity and your pride. Just hold on, it is just for a while. There could be a temporary need to lower your taste or your standard,

glorify God. Just hold on and endure the labour pains, so the baby (your dreams) can be brought forth safely.

As the woman holds on and keeps on pushing, as she hears the encouraging words of the medical personnel and other people around her, she receives the strength to go through it all, until the baby is safely delivered and the cry of the baby is heard amidst much rejoicing.

Dear friend, are you at a point of your life where you are pregnant with ideas, dreams or visions? Whatever the season you are in, pay attention to the following: • Feed your mind with the right information • Associate with the right people that are preganant like you, avoid dream killers.

• Look for ways to help others deliver their own dreams • Hold on to your dreams no matter the discouragments around you.

• Keep your focus on the baby you are about to carry in your arms “...And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her first born son...”

(Luke 2:6-7)

...for any great idea or invention to be delivered into the world, it must go through different seasons (like a pregnancy), until it is finally manifested for the whole world to see. There is a time to conceive the idea, a time to nuture and a time to deliver it.

Delivery: It is the desire of every woman that her baby reaches full term before its delivery. No woman wishes for the preterm delivery of her baby. It is always a stressful experience for any family.

Therefore, after nine months of carrying the baby sucessfully, the mother will begin to sense that her gemwoman | November/December 2007

like getting a lower paying job inorder to pursue your dreams. It could be the need to drop certain luxuries and pleasures and so on. (Rememeber that when a woman is in the delivery room, she throws all restraint and caution aside, whether she is a Princess or a pauper, inorder for her to push).

It could be the cutting off certain relationships or associations that do not

My prayer for you dear friend is that every dream and vision God has placed on your inside will be nurtured, develop, and reach full term May you safely deliver at God’s appointed time for your life in Jesus name.

Enjoy the season you are at present on your way to the delivery room.

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Time Out

with

Femi Jacobs

Interview by Kemi Ajumobi

“The worshipers of God in spirit and in truth will rule in this last days...”

- Femisola Jacobs

Femisola Jacobs. A multitalented gospel artiste; who sings and also acts, the fifth child in a family of seven hails from Ile Ife in Osun state spoke with gem woman about his upcoming album amongst other issues.

Gem: When did you give your life to Christ?

Femi: 1992 Gem: Tell us about your salvation experience.

Femi: My girlfriend in school took me to an off-school fellowship. They didn’t have a drummer so I was asked to drum for them By the end of the fellowship I gave my life to Christ.I got baptised in the Holy Ghost shortly after.

Gem: Tell us about “The Spirit & the Bride Entertainment Company” Femi: It started in 2005 and we are a total Gospel, and entertainment outfit.

We do voice overs, jingle production, music production, we compere events and we consult for creative arts departments of Churches; training and setting up choirs and visual arts groups in churches. We just want to service the Church really.

For me, It’s a ministry of worship.

I believe that the worship of the Church will usher in the return of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gem: Can you define your type of gospel music?

Femi: Gospel soul but my main thrust is worship Gem: What is your opinion of gospel music in nigeria?

Femi: We’ve got some amazing and Spirit filled music out there and I am into production so I can tell you that quite a lot more is on the way.

Femi: Pastor Taiwo stands shoulder high amongst the men that have influenced and mentored me in all areas, and of course Pastor Bimbo of blessed memory.

Nothing better than seeing people model your aspirations so effectively. But vocally it is a relatively unknown guy from North Carolina called Pastor John P. Kee. Gem: How challenging was your role in “choices” and how has it infuenced you?

Femi: It felt very strange. But, I rode on the confidence of the producers and the director (Don Pedro Obaseki).

They just believed I was the best thing to happen to the Home video industry.

That touched me deeply and brought out the best in me.

Gem: Are you married?

Femi: No. Gem: Who is your ideal woman?

Femi: A mix of brains and beauty, visual grace and vision, confidence and comfort in her own skin, and one who just simply enjoys life.

Gem: Tell us about your album.

Femi: It will be released soon and it will be my 3rd. Quite inspirational, and full of worship. The theme is “NO LIMITS”.

When a man gets into the Spirit, his gifts come alive and he really enters into the height of his potentials. The worshipers of God in spirit and in truth will rule in this last days in all spheres. I really believe that. We really don’t need motivation, we need inspiration and that can only comes from God. Gem: How do you relax?

Femi: I watch a lot of movies, I read everything I see, I watch people a lot and I think so much about everything good and I love to create and exercise with words. strange huh? I want to take an interest in salsa dance soon.

Gem: What would you love to be remembered for?

Femi: A man who inspired his generation to seek the highest and the best, Jesus.

Gem: Who is your mentor in music and in general?

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

movies & music

by Kemi Ajumobi Based on the beloved best-selling novel The Redemption of Sarah Cain by award-winning novelist Beverly Lewis, Saving Sarah Cain takes business woman Sarah Cain on a journey from her single life as an accomplished, big-city professional to a new life as the caretaker of five Amish orphans.

Now she must determine whether to make a new life for them in Portland or to sacrifice her successful career and raise her newfound family in the heartland of Amish Country. Directed

by Michael Landon, Jr. (The Last Sin Eater, Love’s Abiding Joy) and featuring triumphant performances from Academy Award and Golden Globe nominees Elliott Gould (M*A*S*H, Ocean’s Eleven) and Tess Harper (Tender Mercies, Crimes of the Heart), Saving Sarah Cain is a touching and uplifting story of love, sorrow and redemption that unites a family together.

The Christmas Card Two strangers brought together by the words of love. Once in a while, a movie comes along that reminds us how powerful love can be. In the midst of war in Afghanistan, Captain Cody Cullen (John Newton, Desperate Housewives) is touched by a lovely card sent by Faith Spelman (Alice Evans, The Chris Isaak Show) from the small picturesque town of Nevada City, California.

As months pass, the card never leaves his side, giving him the strength to survive and setting him on a mission to find her. Starring Ed Asner (2007 Emmy Award nominee - Best Supporting Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries), John Newton, & Faith Spelman. The Christmas Card has received massive critical acclaim and audiences are raving so go get your copy now!

Movies

Saving Sarah Cain

Joan Rosario

Mannheim Steamroller It’s been 6 years since we have been given an entirely new album of Mannheim Steamroller’s Christmas music. The album is definitely worth the wait. It includes guest vocals from Johnny Mathis and Olivia NewtonJohn. A beautiful Christmas selection!

gemwoman | November/December 2007

Trinitee The project flaunts the style and musical edginess that first made Trin-i-tee 5:7 a hit in the late 90s. T57 finds Chanelle, Angel and Adrian providing twelve memorable tracks dealing with everyday situations wrapped in musical elements of R&B, soul, hip hop and gospel. The three women take much of the songwriting credits on the project - a definite sign that T57 is the personal reflection of the group – and hit producer Walter Milsap (Yolanda Adams, Alicia Keys, Usher & Dave Hollister) delivers the 1st single “Listen,” and two other unforgettable songs “I Need You” and an uplifting anthem titled “Beautiful Girl.” To mention a few. Go get a copy now!!

New Life Community Choir This album is another beautiful piece from John P. Kee. He just keeps getting better and better.

He is a good producer, arranger, song writer and a fantastic SINGER to work with. You can’t escape the unforgettable experience that will leave you wanting more and more and more ...(did I hear u say Oliver twist?). Praising God while listening to this album IS NOT an option, you find yourself flowing and enjoying God’s presence naturally. Some of the tracks include: “forgiven”, “I know it”, “sanctuary”, “I’m waiting”, to mention a few. This album is hot and new so go get yours NOW!

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Music

Stellar Award-winning Joann Rosario wishes to exemplify and embody the joy that is synonymous with salvation.

Adamant that her music must always be reflective of her life’s experiences and her relationship with God as they currently stand, Rosario offers Joyous Salvation. “With this record, it was important for me to show that walking with Christ isn’t always a tedious, obstaclefilled journey. There are definitely those moments, but there are also many moments of happiness, victory, triumph, and peace, and it’s from that perspective that I approached this CD, because it’s exactly where I am in my life right now. God is good and we have to represent that to the masses!” Joyous Salvation is a remarkably well-rounded and astonishing cohesive body of work. Some of the tracks include: ‘restore me’, ‘glory to you’, ‘Holy God’, e.t.c.

between the covers AUTHOR: Michelle McKinney Hammond TITLE: Get Over It and On With It PUBLISHER: Waterbrook Press PAGES: 222 REVIEWER: Ishola Oluwayemisi About the Author Michelle McKinney Hammond, founder of Heart wing Ministries, is a vibrant author and speaker. She is a regular featured speaker at the Woman of virtue conferences, and is a prominent figure in other women conferences, retreats, and church services.

Michelle is also the co-host of the Emmy- nominated TV talk show, Aspiring Woman, and the author of numerous Christian literatures which includes, How to be blessed and highly favoured, sassy, single and satisfied, and Secrets of an irresistible woman.

The Book • ‘Explicit’ does not express enough, the way Get over it and on with it explains life.

• Life, Hammond states, is something everyone will have to go through, whether you and I like it or not.

• She states further that individuals handle life situations differently.

Michelle takes us on a roundtrip, giving us different scenarios of how life can get one down. She brings to life, in a real and practical way, characters from the scriptures.

She stresses the importance of a solid foundation in God - spiritually speaking, the need to rest, eat, and drink.

The flood of life will threaten the

very foundation of what we believe, even if we’ve built our house on solid rock. You will only be resolute in clinging to God and his promises if your faith in Him is strong.

Every chapter is laced with heart touching scriptures that will change your life horizon for better. You will realise that beyond personal experiences, God’s promises are real. When faced with life problems, there are two ways we are likely to react: either to live in denial, or blame the next person available. God, who is always close by, often gets the blame. Michelle however gives an insightful exposition about God and the truth embedded in His Word - the Bible. Get over it and on with it encourages us to push out of our fog, and buck up when badly treated by life. We should endeavour to fortify ourselves with faith in God and His Word.

When we take stock of our life at faith-level, we will always find something good to work with. The book helps us see that though we may not feel like we can, we can live above our circumstances, provided we can trust God, knowing that so far, He’s been faithful. It could get worse, but it hasn’t. In our life journey, if we depend on God always, we will go beyond all limits and boundaries.

Myths and truths are spelt out at the beginning of each chapter; guidelines to looking inward and upward, are at the end of each chapter. Has life had you in its grip for so long that you don’t know the way out? Get a copy of Get over it and on with it, for solution.

if we depend on God always, we will go beyond all limits and boundaries.

Top Must Read 1. Mothers of Influence by Honor Books 2. The Penny by Joyce Meyer 3. The Best Is Yet To Come

by Ann Platz 4. Cure For The Common Life

by Max Lucado 5. 40 Days To Your Best Life by Honor Books

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

between the covers AUTHOR: Karen Hardin TITLE: Seasons of love PUBLISHER: White of stone books PAGES: 249 REVIEWER: Ishola Oluwayemisi About the Author Karen Hardin is a seasoned missionary who, along with her husband and three children, have ministered in Asia for more than 15 years. She is a highly sought-after publicist and marketing specialist in the Christian publishing industry with a long list of reputable clients. As a freelance writer, her work has appeared in USA today, Stories for the spirit filled believer, Blood and thunder, Charisma magazine and many other publications. Still actively involved in ministry, Karen and her family make their home in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

The Book Seasons of love sheds light on the different facets of love, creating insight into the much used word. The book starts off with the definition of love from various perspectives.

Love, according to Karen, can be divided into four Greek words: • Eros, coined from the word, ‘erotic’, is the lowest, but highly recognized form of love.

• Storgos is a form of devotion shared among siblings, or expressed to a pet.

• Phileo is an affectionate love shared among friends, or between lovers.

This kind of love grows as a relationship develops.

• Agape is the highest form of love.

It is a perfect sacrificial and selfless love, as demonstrated by God, our creator, who gave His only begotten son as atonement for our sins.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

She went all out to put together different people’s life stories that one can relate to; people who go through life like we do; get on the same bus and take the same route with us. The book is divided into four captivating sub-headings- ‘Friendship’, ‘Romantic love’, ‘Uncommon love’ and ‘Agape love’. Each sub-heading is further divided into different topical sections that will keep you glued to the book. Flipping through the pages, you’ll find yourself in the ‘love world’ of different people, and ride with them as they re-live their experiences.

These experiences comprise ‘puppy love’, ‘cockroach-inspired friendship’, ‘the love of a lifetime’, ‘left for dead’ and ‘unto the father’s love’. Karen has a way of narrowing it all down to profound truths and experiences that are biblical. This drives home her point with precision. At the end of each chapter are prayer requests; prayers so catchy and captivating that you will ‘Selah’ (pause to ponder).

She weaves her stories around people’s experiences moving you from chapter to chapter, sweeping you into her world and taking you on the journey with her.

Pure love becomes real to you when you open the first page of the book.

The most interesting part of Seasons of love is the urge it leaves you with; the urge to show love to someone.

The most interesting part of Seasons of love is the urge it leaves you with; the urge to show love to someone.

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martha’s place

A taste of Africa

by Bunmi Fadare

Classic Roast Turkey

The Classic Roast Turkey Ingredients: Prepare ahead Make your chosen stuffing To prepare your turkey ~ have your chosen stuffing ready ~ 4.5-6.5kg/10-12lb turkey, thawed if frozen, giblets removed ~ 1 lemon, quartered ~ 50g/2oz butter, at room temperature ~ 20 cocktail sausages ~ 10 rashers streaky bacon ~ Sage and parsley sprigs, tomatoes, bell pepper, onions to garnish

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Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 190/375F/Gas 5. Wash the turkey inside and out and dry well with kitchen paper.

2. Put the lemon quarters into the cavity. If you are stuffing the turkey, put the stuffing in the neck end pushing it upwards towards the breast (dont pull the neck skin too tightly, as the stuffing will expand during cooking). Secure the skin with wooden or metal skewers crossways, then tie the turkey legs together at the top of the drumsticks for a good shape. Weigh the turkey and calculate the cooking time at 18 minutes per 450g/1lb.

3. Grease a large roasting tin with a little of the butter.

Smear the rest over the turkey skin and season well, then put in the tin. Loosley cover with foil and roast for the calculated time. Meanwhile, halve the bacon rashers, stretch slightly and wrap half around each sausage 4. Baste the turkey every hour. One hour before the end of cooking, remove the foil and drain off the excess fat. 30 minutes before the end of cooking, put the sausages around the turkey (if room) or in a separate lightly oiled tin.

5. To test whether the turkey is cooked, insert a skewer into the thickest part of the thigh - the juices should run clear. If they are pinkish, cook for 15 minutes more, then test again. Transfer the turkey and sausages and sausages to a platter, tightly cover with foil and allow to rest for up to 30 minutes before carving.

Serve surrounded by vegetables and stuffing balls and garnished with sage and parsley.

gemwoman | November/December 2007

martha’s place Seafood Spaghetti Ingredients: ~ 225g Spaghetti ~ Salt and pepper ~ 2 tbsp chopped spring onion ~ 2 tbsp olive oil ~ 1 small red onion, chopped ~ 1 tbsp lemon juice ~ 1 garlic clove crushed ~ 2 sticks celery, chopped ~ 150ml fresh fish stock ~ 225g fresh prawns (Shrimps) peeled and deveined ~ 8 small cooked crab claws cracked and peeled.

Method: 1. Heat the oil in a large pan and fry the onion with the lemon juice, garlic and celery for 3-4 minutes until just softened.

2. Pour in the stock and add prawns /Shrimps and crab claws to the pan mix and cook for 3- 4 minutes until the shrimps and prawns are pink.

3. Cook the spaghetti and add to the shellfish mixture, toss together.

Garnish and serve Serves 4 Fat content per serving- 7g Calories per serving- 400 Cook’s Tip: Crab claws contain lean crab meat. Ask your fishmonger to crack the claws for you using the pincers intact, because the shell is very tough.

Barbeque beef with chili beans

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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martha’s place

• Its Christmas time again Time to wine and dine. Let’s not forget to eat healthy and always ensure you have a balanced diet.

No single food contains all the nutrients that we need for good health, eating a wide variety of food groups will ensure you get all the nutrients required for a healthy balanced diet.

• Barbeque beef with chili beans

Barbeque Beef with Chili Beans Ingredients: ~ 450g/ 1 lb lean rump steak ~ 1 tbsp dry oregano ~ 2 tbsp paprika powder ~ Salt and milled black pepper ~ 1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped ~ 2 tbsp olive oil ~ 4 medium tomatoes, roughly chopped ~ 2 tbsp tomato puree ~ 2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed ~ ¼ pint water ~ 1 tin red kidney beans, drained

Method: 1. Place the steaks in a shallow bowl and add the dried oregano, paprika and seasoning. Rub into the steaks on both sides, cover and refrigerate for 3hrs.

2. Heat half the oil in a large frying pan and cook the onion and garlic for 2-3 minutes until soft.

3. Add the tomato puree, beans, tomatoes and water, bring to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer uncovered for 10 minutes or until the sauce thickens slightly.

4. Grill the steaks into slices and serve.

To garnish: Shredded lettuce, red onions.

Serves 4

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

martha’s place

Rice Salad

Rice Salad Ingredients: ~ 375g Basmati rice ~ ½ lemon grated zest ~ 1 small onion peeled and finely chopped ~ 1 small red pepper finely chopped ~ 25g green black olives roughly chopped ~ Large bunch parsley ~ 2 sticks celery chopped ~ 4 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

gemwoman | November/December 2007

Method: In a large bowl toss together basmati rice cooked and cooled, add the other ingredients; lemon zest, onion, parsley, red pepper, green or black olives, celery and olive oil together and stir fry Serve with beef or lamb Serves 4

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people & places ‘Body, Soul & Spirit’ organised by gem woman was held at the Balmoral on the 1st of October, 2007. It was a memorable day of pampering, fun and impartation for all who attended. Ministering the Word was Pastor (Mrs) Funke Adejumo.

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

people & places

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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people & places

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

people & places

Testimonies What A Smile Can Do As I entered the balmoral, I was led into a world away from my world, carried away by the beauty of the scenery; I felt beautiful inside. It was a privilege to meet beautiful people and see beautiful faces. I beamed a smile; I was going to have a nice time for sure. Taking a glance at God’s people looking gorgeously dressed…I smiled again… I was glad to be part of God’s kingdom.

During the worship, my worries were forgotten as I lay them at his feet, the smile lingered, I couldn’t help but smile, everything is beautiful in his time. The spa was rejuvenating; I went around looking like a bride what a memorable transformation. The seminar was enlightening it left me a blessed woman, a better lady and a cheerful sister. It was obvious a change had occurred with the unending smile on my face later praises began it was thanksgiving all the way.

The days have been remarkable since October 1st. I was glad to be a part of body, soul and spirit it made me proud of my heritage as a Nigerian lady from a royal priesthood, a gem woman with a noble cause.

That is what a smile can do, a smile from the almighty God who loves you, He smiled and it radiated on the faces of His children, it spread across to the needy and we were all blessed.

Nnadi Sandra Ibadan, Oyo.

Never Forget Body, Soul and Spirit: I PRAYED! PLANNED!! PREPARED!!!

For this event. The facials, hand massage and the Word were simply complete. Thank you. Deadlines to meet!

Appointments to keep but did not regret my decision to attend the very 1st edition. It was very revealing. The Spiritual impartation I will NEVER! EVER!! Forget. Do this more often.

Laura Suwa V.I., Lagos

gemwoman | November/December 2007

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unburdening agonies with aunty kk Re: “He is having an Affair” (July/Aug) Dear Reader,

Write Me

It’s my pleasure writing to you once again. I’ve received quite a number of complaints and disturbing comments about my counsel to the distressed wife who wrote in our July/August edition about her unfaithful husband. Unfortunately, all the reports came in verbally and as such none could be printed. The counsel given was based on my spiritual understanding and personal convictions as no man is solely a fountain of wisdom. Besides, the good book (The Bible) teaches that there is safety in a multitude of counsel; I therefore invite our readers, especially those who called in with alternative counsels, to please write in, so everybody could benefit from their wealth of knowledge, wisdom and experience. Let’s share the gems!

Would you like to share your experience, and receive godly counsels for situations confronting you?

I’ll like to hear from you!

Write and share with me at auntykk@gemwoman.com Till I hear from you then, Remain dovetailed with His Spirit

Hope to read from you soonest.

Till then, remain dovetailed with His Spirit.

Aunty KK

Aunty KK

I Feel Miserable Aunty KK, I feel like everyone is passing me by. My career is nothing to write home about. My marriage is just okay, yet, I don’t feel like going on. I know what the Bible says, but I still feel miserable.

My dear sister, Life is in Phases, and we all go through dark seasons of it. I’m sure that many people can empathize with you in this situation because they’ve also been through it, at one time or another. So, you are not alone; many are in the same shoes with you, even right now. I would like to share the gem I gleaned the last time I went down that road.

r

ve The Lord told me that those are the seasons of my life when he always has whene the opportunity to truly have His way! Can you beat that? “Those seasons w lo those of apathy; the periods I go on routinely like an automated robot? It’s e r e, I m o c impossible!” I argued with the Lord.

Then He, in His usual gentle s k n chec seaso o manner, reminded me that those low and dark seasons of life are t f l e if affairs of my life because mys m e r the times He has no struggles with the n i fi n m o c exa they are the seasons I consciously let go and let Him. I was s, and n i s en I the t h s T a . p h thrilled when I realized that those are seasons He always truly r t i fo the fa n i n l carries me. This, we can liken to the popular ‘footprints’ story of i l i f t ysel I’m s m e the weary traveler who after complaining of being rejected

by God in his g a r encou Lord. trying periods, soon realised that the only set of footprints on his dark path the of life were God’s, who was busy carrying him.

There is no controversy. The entrance of His words gives light and understanding to the simple.

Subsequently, whenever those low seasons come, I re-examine myself to check for past sins, and confirm if I’m still in the faith. Then I encourage myself in the Lord, and muster enough energy to give myself a treat at the salon- to look good- even if I do not feel great. For His intimacy with us in our trying periods, this great God is worth celebrating always, especially this season.

These have worked for me. However, peradventure the problem is more than I envisaged, do seek help from another counselor. I wish you the best in life.

Aunty KK

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gemwoman | November/December 2007

here’s to health Foods’ to avoid this christmas and the healthy alternatives continued from page 77

self-medication. Self-medication is a form of drug abuse! Street drugs are particularly hazardous to health, as they are mind-altering.

The truth of the matter is that our health destiny is a joint venture between God and us. We obviously have our parts to play in the health equation.

To think that everything solely depends on God would be presumptuous on our part. God made it abundantly clear to Adam and Eve right from the word go that it is important to be disciplined and to avoid certain foods if they truly wanted to live long on God’s earth. There was a particular tree in the Garden of Eden whose fruits Adam and Eve were not supposed to touch.

They ate the fruit thereof to their own detriment. It is imperative for us too to know that there are things we must abstain from (not for gaining spirituality, but for the sake of our health).

Our food choices should not be based primarily on TASTE, but on NUTRITIONAL VALUE and PURITY. Taste is important if we must enjoy our meals and drinks, but still, taste is not the primary consideration when longterm health is our goal. The inability to

abstain from what is obviously injurious to health is a mark of indiscipline and lack of self-control.

Let us narrow down to food choices during this Christmas season. Christmas, we all know, is all about Jesus Christ and the redemption He brought to humanity. One way or another, many have lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas and have reduced it to a time of merry making - eating, drinking, and dancing. Of course, what Jesus did for us on the cross of Calvary calls for celebration. We however, need to be moderate and balanced as we go about our celebrations. Gluttony is the first thing we must watch out for. Over-eating is not only injurious to our health, from a Biblical point of view also a sin. Too much of even a good thing can make it harmful. So, let’s take it easy during this season.

I am aware that NOT everyone would agree with my submissions.

Personally, I am always guided by one principle in life: I’d rather err on the side of safety. I would rather avoid any item that has a controversy raging on it. I believe that if a person is able to avoid the things that are destroying his

Our food choices should not be based primarily on taste, but on nutritional value and purity. health then, he has solved his health problems by more than 50%.

May God grant you grace to stop consuming things that may be contributing to your health challenges.

May you begin to love the foods that

feminique Freedom of expression continued from page 67

western media use repetitive emotive language and images to create affinity to a notion that is otherwise regarded as dark, ugly and sinister. The image of harmless looking, attractive teenagers as witches/ wizards glamorises, trivialises and even debunks the evil nature of witchcraft and occultism. It has also drawn a huge interest from young teenagers who see occultism as a sort of teenage fad.

The concept of freedom of expression is a good way to broaden our horizons, increase our knowledge and learn new things. It also leaves us in no doubt of its importance in the preservation of democracy and the rule of law both gemwoman | November/December 2007

of which are essential to healthy government. We must however not get too caught up the concept of freedom of

The concept of freedom of expression is a good way to broaden our horizons, increase our knowledge and learn new things. speech, or thought in the social arena, otherwise known as the market place

of ideas. We are a developing nation and a large percentage of our population; particularly the youth are vulnerable because their critical reasoning skills are at its formative stages. These segments of our society definitely need to be chaperoned through the wade of cleverly edited materials that are being thrown at them.

We must also remember that freedom is really the bondage of mankind.

It is a dangerously slippery slope and one must always have a harness to keep the balance between freedom and respect for others; freewill and submission to a higher order.

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