gemWOMAN Vol.1 No.3

Dressing to suit your age

finding what suits you best

Teen-Age attention

making them belong

Bad attitude

have you got it

Starting out

07 gust 20 July/Au 00 N5

Not too young not too old

Ageing gracefully

Secrets to enhancing your looks

TOMI

SoyOde Despite all odds

Unburdening agonies with aunt kk

Publisher/CEO Bola Olawale

PA TO Publisher Yemi Ibrahim

Editorial adviser Dele Magbor Editor Bode Modupe Editorial aSSISTANT Omobolanle Ajide Design / Print Production Consultancy Cypress Hill +234-1-8166825, 803 306 8091, 802 827 3528

Photography Original Intentions - +234-805 872 0733 Lemosh - +234-802 363 0134 Columnists Bimpe Bamgbose-Martins Morayo Fawehinmi Eyiyemi Rogbiyin Kehinde Adollo Tony Akinyemi Bisi Ibitayo Hannah Oyebanjo Olatinpo Odutola Contributors Victor Adeyemi Kemi Ajumobi Bunmi Fadare Bimbo Oloyede Ochee Bamgboye Dapo Awosika Alero Adollo Omokorede Fasoro Advisory Board Tunji Adeyinka Olaitan Awosika Toun Osikoya Imaging & Printing Pixel Art

gemwoman is published in Nigeria by GEM publications Ltd, © 2007. All Rights Reserved.

For subscriptions and advert enquiries, please call or visit: Block 19, Flat 4, Lola Holloway Street, Omole Phase I, Lagos, Nigeria.

Tel: +234-1-2302626, 0803 302 1171. ISSN-1597-9369 e-mail: info@gemwoman.com web: www. gemwoman.com

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Stuck on you!!

Don’t look for me in figures; I am in your mind.

Don’t ask me why I show when you are old…. you are maturing, adults do that.

Don’t judge me by my grey colour Or how do you explain the grey in a teenager’s hair?……Heredity?

What of the grey strands in a young man’s hair?……Stress?

Obviously, colour ain’t all about my makeup then.

Be careful to explain wisdom by me or else you will have to explain the genealogy of a young genius Women are quick to blame me; at 45 they call me MENOPAUSE If that is anything to go by, why do MEN NOT PAUSE?…Selah!

Stop hiding me by surgery Even concealers reveal the hidden after a while It’s hot in there you know, please set me free!!!

When you were a baby, you saw me in mama When you were a teenager, you longed to be me Now that you’ve got me in full measure, you want me hidden by all means?

Oh no! my dear! That ain’t a fair deal!

You love me to MULTIPLY in digits when seen in cash You hate me ADDING up to your years You try to SUBTRACT me when looking for a job Can you promise to remain calm if my numerical value is DIVIDED unevenly with you as your take home pay?

Eat right and exercise; I’ll be a lovely SIGHT in you for the world to BEHOLD Eat badly and don’t exercise, I’ll be a FRIGHTning spectacle in you for the world to BEWARE of Understand my dos and don’ts, and then we can call truce!

There is One who dwells in immortality Whose glory is ageless Until you see Him face to face, to partake in His divine and ageless beauty, Let’s just say… I AM STUCK ON YOU!!!

- Ke m i Aj umob i

gemwoman | July/August 2007

c ont ri bu tor s

VICTOR ADEYEMI oversees the Global Harvest Churches of Nigeria and Britain. He also travels extensively as an evangelist and lives in Ibadan Nigeria with his wife Jumoke and their four children. He writes the we’ve got male column.

EYIYEMI OLIVIA ROGBIYIN holds a B.sc in Architecture but currently runs her own tailoring, make-up and head tie outfit called Olivia concept. She is a very confident and lovable person who also MC’s at occasions. Married to Kolawole, she absolutely adores GOD.

BISI IBITAYO, is a teacher by training and also a teacher of the word. She believes anyone who wants to be relevant in these times must be well informed and the best way is by reading. Olabisi is married to Ademola a lawyer and they are blessed with two children - Oreoluwa and Oluwaseyi.

A graduate of the University of Lagos, with a First Degree in Economics and a Masters Degree in Business Administration from Cardiff University, South Wales, UK, KEHINDE ADOLLO has a gift for writing inspirational poems and recitations. Her passion is to inspire people. The pebbles section expresses that side of her.

“PASTOR D, as he is fondly called among teenagers, is a practicing lawyer and a Pastor in the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG). He is committed to teenagers and has worked with teenagers for 10 years. He is married to Laitan and blessed with two children.

Ochee Vivienne Bamgboye Change Management Consultant, Trainer, Social Development Specialist with extensive management experience in the United Kingdom and Nigeria, including COO of LEAP Africa and Senior Manager Vic Lawrence and Associates. Currently working as a Consultant with the Transformation Task Team at the Federal Ministry of Education. Married With Three Children

A simple, down to earth woman with a heart that feels after the very truth of God’s word, MORAYO MOSUNMOLA FAWEHINMI is a business woman who prefers to be regarded as a minister of God in the market place. She is the MD/CEO of Motayo Foods and Health Products as well as other businesses through which she serves the Lord.

Morayo lives in Lagos with her dear husband, Dr. Temitayo Fawehinmi and they are blessed with five children.

BIMPE BAMGBOSE-MARTINS a teacher and an exhorter obtained a Bachelors degree in Economics from the University of Ibadan. As the Affectionately Yours colunmnist, she naturally gravitates towards women in distressed relationships. Bimpe loves reading exhorting and speaking about God’s faithfulness. She has a passion for building lives and giving hope to those that are downcast. Bimpe and her husband, Omotayo have been married for 16 years and they are blessed with 3 lovely daughters.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

TONY AKINYEMI a “Health Enthusiast”, is the Senior Pastor of The Shepherd’s Flock International Church, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria.

He is called and anointed of God to raise a Holy, Healthy and Highly successful people for God. He is the host of a weekly tv programme “Healthy Living”. Rev. Tony holds a degree in Computer Engineering and a degree in Theology.

ALERO ADOLLO a career banker with a B.A. in English and a Masters in International Law and Diplomacy, Post Graduate Diploma in Theology. She is a mother of one son and a passionate writer.

She says “People look up and see the skies I look up and see the heavenlies”.

BUNMI FADARE as the MD of Spices & Pastries, a catering services company, she see her catering business as a divinely inspired gift from God. She contributes to the Martha’s Place.

KEMI AJUMOBI is a graduate of Philosophy with a passion for Music and Poetry. Her philosophy is built on God and His divine purpose for humanity, which resounds in her works.

HANNAH OYEBANJO is currently the General Manager/ COO of Corporate and Financial Limited, a reputation management company. A member of the Chartered Institute of Marketing (UK) and an Associate member of the Nigerian Marketing Association. Hannah holds a Barchelor of Science Degree in Chemistry and a Masters Degree in Business Administration. She is happily married to Pastor Ayo Oyebanjo and they are blessed with a set of twin boys, Ileri Oluwa and Iseun Ife Oluwa.

BIMBO OLOYEDE is an ace broadcaster with Channels Television. She is also President/ founder of Women Optimum Development Foundation (WODEF), organisers of the Rare Gems Award which celebrates Nigerian women that have cut a niche for themselves in various aspects of life. She also dedicates time to teaching phonetics. Her passion is encouraging the Nigerian woman to aspire to go beyond the traditional role.

O mokorede Adewale Fasoro is a Writer and Speaker.

She is also the host of a quarterly programme called Women of Essence seminars under the auspices of Maximum Impact Int‘l Consult, a Personal and Management development outfit she oversees based in Lagos, Nigeria. The life changing seminars are aimed at helping women to discover their hidden potentials and pursue with passion their life’s purpose.

OLATINPO ODUTOLA the fashion editor is a graduate of Psycology from London Metropolitan University. Her love for style and fashion is evident in her Simply Chic column.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

xpress yourself What’s on your mind? Share it with us.

Write to: gemwoman, P. O. Box 3773, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria. or E-mail: xpress@gemwoman.

We would require your full name, address and phone number to publish your correspondence.

Please Note: Letters chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity.

Irresistible I have been waiting to read a magazine for today’s woman. Gemwoman is encompassing! Cutting across race, gender and religion. The delivery is simply inspiring. The first time l saw it with the Vendor on Lagos Island, I found it irresistible and had to get myself a copy.

The contents from family, health, lifestyle to fitness, emotional issues, and Martha’s place, simply makes a complete magazine for today’s woman.

Keep up the good quality work.

Laura Suwa Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.

Keep up the good work

Thank you

I just want to say that though this is a magazine for women, there’s a lot men too can learn from it.

This magazine could only have been a vision from God. Reading Gemwoman is like having someone speak to me personally, and what is more, it deals with issues that concerns womanhood.

keep up the good work and sincerely i appreciate your work. have a great day

Thanks for making sure this piece gets to London, I can hardly wait for the third edition.

Well done!!!

Bankole Dada, Gbagada, Lagos, Nigeria.

Liz Segun London, England.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

xpress yourself pebbles

by Kehinde

Adollo

ale

by Bola Olaw

life of every Tunde is the know to me. Bros s to always le of them ring and seem der most eligib right time spirit- gathe I would consi to say at the the banker, the ar to be the right thing y and when? all. Is it tall Steve ever so jovial Tunde? they often appe marr I gh will thou Who the even he does it, I ily ever filled Bob or t prophets who rehearsed, I wonder how ed live happ abou inde art of lot we a the in Can a genius ng at an I have heard say? e just by looki wish guess he must be he after as they can tell the futur enly now I sudd ful to me? Will communication. never seems to have individual and tell me who among Will he be faith number Somehow, he to we need to me over the I can find one God’s plan for his wallet with him when up paying agree with into ? fits have always end these guys best we should things and I thinks of children deep buy I doubt if he my life. be nice to have seem to know seer, for myself and him. way he Wouldn’t it ers Somehow, I a about it, the me the answ ing unusual I need is not someone give inside down that what me eyes to see. He anythes on each time. , tions raging gave He carri ble Banker Steve after all God to all the ques the tall amia physical eyes; ideal me For an give of t just does. woman’s idea of me? three didn’ the way He he is every desire to have ent, there are they gave me eyes to see loves me and man. Many of the Sisters At the mom s to have eyes do I know who h who claim ers seem how churc he broth So in but fine wife. the brothers attention, that I’m their I really lovespiritual his me. the had a revelation lucky to have such who to be carnal and the ent for only apartment on s I am appear belong to a differ My friends say igiou He’s got a nice me out. My act as if they s from a prest guys asking d, and come , no man ones ry! three great cars, and a good in four years a few Islan beyond centu and I have y. With two posh friend Ope says nothing Brother Bob interest in her hallelu- famil job, there is possibly an n says show but g has common that payin . could ask for. of things in nce. I reason that any girl the casual hello ulti at the thought after every sente a pastor there is else my mother’s Some may revel attraction, but it jah be He is definitely he is going to e of faithful of confu- since a guarantee that he’ll be being the centr least a horrible state ine who at has left me in begin to imag even can’t I sion.

“where would I be if gemwoman didn’t find me?”

Lost without you How would I feel if ‘singled out’ didn’t inspire similar thoughts in me? Who would I be if ‘feminique’ didn’t instill motivational words in me?

What would I know if ‘pebbles’ didn’t give me notes on a platter of gold?

Where would I be if ‘GEM WOMAN’ didn’t find me?

I guess I am LOST WITHOUT YOU. Sandra Nnadi Ibadan, Oyo, Nigeria.

W O M A N

07

il 20 /Apr March N500

Great job I was elated when I saw this magazine. The women I showed it to were even willing to buy the old edition.

Sincerely, everyone on the team is doing a great job.

I was especially blessed by the publisher’s articles.

I am greatly inspired. God bless!

Adefila Folasade Ogbomosho,Oyo, Nigeria.

“...I saw a lot of things that caught my fancy since I have always wanted to be a great woman...”

Inspiring!

This is very inspiring.

It helps to lighten the hearts of women.

Good Job to all at Gem Woman.

Abisola Akinrinade Connecticut, USA.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

In-Lawsl t cordia

f The art o mixing &g matchin

Distant bu

an The wom within

ab Turning drto outfits in new

g Discoverin resh yourself af

He did it for me

He can do it for you

h Halleluya diet and

ss Weight lo versal disease re

U nbu rd

Debola Atoyebi arge

Taking Ch

g oni es enin g a

kk with aunt

Gosh!

I got attracted by the cover page of the first edition.

Gosh! It was so good and lovely. When I started flipping through, I saw a lot of things that caught my fancy since I have always wanted to be a great woman. Now, I’ve got the second edition and I really love it!

The article on ‘My Green Bubu’ was inspiring. ‘Emotional Intelligence’ was simply awesome. I really love what you people are doing.

Bunmi Jaiyeola Ibadan, Oyo, Nigeria.

Contents 13.Light Reflections Quality or Quantity: Examining our lives.

FEATURE

43.Help for Widows Living a Life of Purpose

80. Real Issues Time to Count Someone to Talk to

Fashion

18.Simply Chic Dressing Your Age

Stepping Out in Style 36. Prints & Plains 58. Gorgeous. be You!

beauty Face 2 Face

30.

26. Ageing Gracefully 27. Ancient Beauty Therapies 28. Hairstyles for all Ages

Cover Interview

Tomi Soyode is living a life of purpose and making a success at it despite all odds.

Life should never be put on hold permanently on account of bereavement. God is a God of restoration and can make all things new.

10

Pebbles 64. Have You had a Mouth Check up Lately 65. Bad Attitude 72. Look Good, Feel Good 73. To Be or not to Be

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Columns

Health & Lifestyle

16.Affectionately Yours

70.Here’s to Health

Love Affair of a Life time: Staying and growing in love is a life time challenge yet possible.

24.The law of in-laws

Hold Your Position: Taking a stand in your home.

Staying Young

16

85.Martha’s Place A taste of Nigeria

46.Little Gems Teenage Attention

50.Singled Out

Breaking the Norm: Age should not be a hindrance to marriage.

56

52.Profession of Faith

Starting Out: It’s never too late.

56. Home and You

Keeping it Simple: Give your home a break.

89

62. Fiscal Fitness Nest Egg for Sunset

66. Feminique War of the Ages

78.We’ve Got Male

Handling the Opposite: Learning more about your spouse.

86.Motivational

Time & Season: Understanding God’s timing for our lives

96.Unburdening Agonies Share it with aunty KK

98.Heart Talk

Shed the weight - Travel Light!

gemwoman | July/August 2007

11

HATS

BOATERS

ACCESSORIES

light reflections

Qualityor Quantity

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Pictures: Original Intentions | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

R

ecently, a friend gave me gifts of lovely casual hats, and as I began to try them on, my daughter came in. She picked up the pink one, tried it on and said, ‘mom, am taking this one.’ It looked quite pretty on her and I couldn’t help noting that my baby was fast becoming a lady. Just the other day, my younger son asked rather casually, if the primary school I attended had swings, as if I belong to the stone-age. And then, only a few days ago, a close friend remarked that my grey strands were becoming quite apparent.

These are all loud but subtle hints that have jolted me to the awakening of how much I am getting older! For many women, it’s not a very palatable sign. And to think it seemed like just yesterday, when I got upset with my mom for mentioning that I was only 14yrs old. All of a sudden, you feel like being 21 all your life. How come we never want to think of getting older? Is it because we feel there is still so much to be accomplished or that getting old precludes us from certain life pursuits and pleasures?

Or based on the assumption that attaining a certain age calls to mind the imminence of death?

The reality however, is that none of these would affect us so terribly if we have learnt to view life from the perspective of adding value to the world we live in and the life of others, rather than our personal gains and what we stand to lose by the additional numbers. That is, living a life of quality rather than quantity.

Pondering on this, I am reminded that Jesus lived for only 33½ years but made such an impact on humanity that 2000 years after His words not only live in our hearts but has become the essence of life. John the Baptist, Jeremiah ...the list goes on; they all died young. Even our own Bimbo Odukoya and many other dearly beloved sisters and brothers have gone too early, thus bringing a question to my mindis life to be measured in the number of years or in term of accomplishments in God? Is it the quantity or quality of life you live that matters?

To us, the people listed above died too young, but to God, they died at the appropriate time. As far as our maker is concerned, no one is too young to die. He simply desires that your life would touch and transform others. Would you rather live like Methuselah and all that can be said about you is that you lived and died? Or do you prefer to live like Enoch of whom God Himself testified that he was a just man?

No one wants to die young and that is not God’s plan for us. We have a promise of living up to a ripe age but what if God’s purpose is different for us? Our times and seasons are in His hand. I think it is time to worry more about our years in eternity than the next designer bag you would like to acquire. It is time to stop worrying about the ‘carrots’ and ‘cucumbers’ too. Death comes to everyone at some time or the other. What life would you have lived when it’s all over? Would it have been a life of quality or quantity? On hearing the news recently, of the passing away of a dear woman of God, I couldn’t help wondering like many, why good people die young and why it seems as if the wicked get to live almost, forever.

If we had to choose, we would certainly pick from a long list of “wicked” people who should die instead of the good ones that have gone too soon. It turns out that I don’t have that prerogative. So I’ll say, try to examine your lives and let it begin to rub off positively on others, such that when you take the final bow, all will say in one accord that ‘it was a life well lived!’.

To the blessed memory of Pastor (Mrs.) Ifeyinwa Irukwu.

Is life to be measured in the number of years, or in terms of accomplishments in God? Is it the quantity or quality of the life you live that matters?

13

poetry

I just dey yan!

Courage It is a common saying that leadership is as tall as its courage.

And it is naturally believed that courage is not an attribute of a woman.

But women have been known to exhibit great courage in times of crises and brought the needed solution, when men had failed.

Golda Meir, Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, Gloria Aroyo all emerged in their respective countries in times of deep crises and did what many considered impossible.

So did Deborah, Zipporah and Esther in Bible times.

It was Margaret Thatcher who said, “In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”

No wonder the apostle Paul said, “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty….”

But the seeming foolish should at least be willing.

Woman, the stage is set, the season is right.

Just manifest!

You can make a difference.

1 Corinthians 1:27-29 Pastor Taiwo Odukoya www.thewomanleader.org

• Inspiring Love • How many ways do I love you?

Let me count the ways in a view ……

One… you are simply the one Two...Me and you the perfect two Three...With you I feel free Four...You keep giving me more Five...You make me alive Six, seven, eight...You are my fate Nine , ten, - I need a pen, to tell the world I found my best friend Words culled from Kehinde Adollo’s upcoming book on inspirational poems and writings titled ”Perfect moments”

14

As I surf the boulevard of unrealised dreams and dashed hopes, I reminisce to a time when my candle of faith defied the winds which time blew in its face and stood strong, ablaze…..that was the rising of the sun, the beginning of my days…beautiful and uncorrupted by the polluting influences of the grime on life’s highway.

The years have flown by irretrievably and I watch appalled at what I have done with it. I wish I could hold back the years and correct the mistakes of yesterday but alas! That is more complex than simple.

I was told once, about the numbering of one’s days...I wonder which number I got to before I discovered I was in a crisis state…

I have fought many battles and my body is battered from the bashing that living has dealt it. I ache for a time when I can rest from my worries…

I hear that is when I am done and gone from this present tide called earth...

This world, I tell you, has never given me any free meal without demanding for my whole kitchen in return Someone once told me about this ferocious Lion of a tribe called Judah; I hear He fights battles which one may find too fierce to face...I was told that in spite of the size of one’s adversary, this Lion has never lost a war.

I need to enlist His help on this journey.

Sometimes one feels defeated especially, when someone close dies, reminding you of the “briefness” of this realm ...We count on getting old before passage but believe me that too is fast becoming a mirage…

Apprehensive, I count the greys in my hair wondering what wisdom the years has bestowed on my tired mind aside from the migraines I get from juggling career and motherhood…

I used to think that like wine I can only get better with age, I believed it until I saw a roach in an old wine bottle and then I realised that the years though kind, also introduces various kinds of vermin to help us mature.

Did I tell you about the fire…the refining fire that through the years has reformed my form...the fire which burns one into a form which cannot be replicated as it is unique to each soul in transit?

This morning, as I sipped my coffee within my busy schedule, I paused; thinking of the twilight of life and the colours it will light to guide me on, the promises it still hides in its unfolding womb, I think again of the mercy of the Potter who has allowed the years to make me better even amidst persuading arguments to clutch bitterness to my breast.

Na wah oh, I tell you…but fellow travellers, pause, and ponder so that the years will not overtake you while your dreams are yet dreams BUT if pondering hurts too much I beg you, no mind me, I just dey yan...

- Alero Adollo

gemwoman | July/August 2007

love affair

affectionately yours

of a

life time

by Bimpe Bamgbose-Martins

M

My husband and I had planned to stay briefly at a wedding reception we attended sometime back.

On getting there, we had a change of mind and decided to stay longer because of the pleasant ambiance of the event- love was in the air! »

16

gemwoman | July/August 2007

affectionately yours

gemwoman | July/August 2007

I warmed my way to her by telling her how nice it was to see her and her husband in such a tender mood. She confirmed my earlier suspicions and disclosed that they had been married for thirty years. Friendship was the secret behind their happy marriage.

They had been pals from the beginning.

Staying and growing in love is a lifetime challenge but wisdom from these couples certainly provides insight, encouragement and helpful instruction to all couples that desire a love affair that lasts. We searched out some couples who have enjoyed life-long intimacy, and were willing to share their experiences with us.

Mrs. A “Looking back at the early years of my marriage, I realize that what appeared to be so important then doesn’t seem to be such a big deal anymore.

We were very concerned about our ca-

other from anything that will create ill feeling.”

Mrs. D “My husband gave me a feeling of security by making me know he values my opinions and enjoys communicating with me. He listens to me and takes my advice, this way we were able to build each other up. When you learn to understand your husband, you will know almost immediately, in what areas he needs support; whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually.”

Mrs. E “My husband made a habit of either planting a kiss on my fore-head or in my palm, before we got married. After marriage, I made sure he continued, especially when he is leaving for the day. I let him cuddle me on his lap frequently too for the fun of it, to maintain the way it was from the beginning of our marriage”.

Young love may appear beautiful but in no way compares to a love relationship that has been nurtured to maturity and can be relied upon even in the face of adversity. reers, how great we looked, what others thought of us and how much money we had. Sex was also an issue between my husband and me; we fought about it frequently.”

Mrs. B “It took time before we understood each other, and so it was somewhat challenging for both of us at the onset.

But once we knew each other’s passing moods, expressions, likes and dislikes, weaknesses and strengths, and reacted to each other positively, our marriage became stable and grew steadily.”

Mrs. C “It took a while before our marriage got to that point where we could take responsibility for each other and be concerned about our physical and emotional well being. We learnt to treat one another tenderly and to protect each

Mrs. F “The best way anyone can learn to love intimately is by understudying the Songs of Solomon.

We have been able to treat each other with respect and admiration for each other. We commend ourselves in areas where we do well and encouraged each other to talk on sensitive matters that may border on individual’s insecurities.”

Mrs. G “Our bond is so strong that we feel each other’s sense of need and find security in each other’s presence. It has nothing to do with sex. I just want to be with him at the beginning and at the end of each day.”

Mrs. H “I was very prayerful, pulling down physical and spiritual hindrances to the continued on page 84 17

Picture: Original Intentions | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

The newly wedded bubbled with affection; all eyes remained fixed on them as they danced merrily to the music.

Not only did they create great fun for guests but sent those who were married on a memory lane, and no doubt, a longing for those on the waiting list.

While the merriment continued, the groom gave a rather touching vote of thanks, expressing his gratitude to God and everyone who helped to make his dreams come true.

I watched the couple with tears welled up in my eyes, and prayed that God will give my young lovely daughters, wonderful men of their own in due time.

Such is the captivating force of young love. It is boisterous and innocently passionate, but tends to be vulnerable to life’s varying conditions, a fragility that must not be overlooked.

Young love may appear beautiful but in no way compares to a love relationship that has been nurtured to maturity and can be relied upon even in the face of adversity.

Having worked at the relationship, the couples take upon one another, the responsibility of making each other happy, “till death do them part.”

What do you expect your marriage to be in the next twenty years or more?

Now is the time to start building sweet thrills that will last a lifetime!

Not too long ago, I saw a middleaged couple at the airport, the man put his arms around his wife and looked into her eyes, soon after she rested her head on his chest. Watching them, I wondered how the couple was able to express such deep affection towards each other in public.

The incident took place at the airport, so you can guess what was going on- the couple were about to be separated.

I became inquisitive to, at least, know how long they had been married and for how long the man was going away. My curiosity got the better part of me and I summoned up the courage to walk up to the lady after the man had gone.

simply chic

Dressing your age

by Olatinpo Odutola

D

ressing appropriately is an obligation you owe yourself. Each outfit you put on sends out a signal about who you say you are rather than what you are. Even more, it says how you expect to be treated. It becomes absolutely important that you dress appropriately to define your age, rather than dressing above your age either to earn more respect or dressing below your age just ‘to belong’, or to be seen as trendy.

French and Italian fashion houses recognise this and have different lines to suit different occasions, as well as ages; Dolce and Gabbana is one line, D&G is another.

D&G is designed for casuals (jeans) while Dolce and Gabbana is for evening and formal wear. The desire to ‘dress mature’ is not a license for dressing drab.

Dressing to fit

20’s

It’s the time of youth and there’s always a tendency to show off. Trashy shows off too, so what’s the difference? I reckon style should be key.

Keep yourself abreast with fashion styles and dress accordingly. Note that this is not the time to be overtly conservative. Apart from wanting to look good for yourself, your prospect would not like to feel that he is dating his mother! Your make up should be natural and light during the day but stunning for an evening occasion.

Your make up should be

natural and light

during the day but

stunning for an evening occasion.

Tomi Ajakaiye, 20 year old graduate loves travelling and meeting new people wears clothes that make her comfortable.

18

gemwoman | July/August 2007

simply chic

30’s

You are still stylish but in a wiser sense. You dress with undertones.

You can do this by ‘accessorising’ more. No logos please!

In your quest to maintain a youthful look, don’t be impractical in your choice of attire.

Is it really worth your while to spend a fortune on a designer tracksuit in which you are barely able to breath during a work out? Do you really intend to sweat in something that expensive? The fake life needs to be promptly swept out and realism must be the order of the day. Great as designer shoes and accessories are, they are not necessarily the signature to good dressing. Remember every designer (including high street ones) vary their designs to suit different tastes. Because it is Gucci doesn’t say it is for you. Don’t go for the trashy look.

If you do feel a need to show off your taste, be subtle about it. Since every designer has a trademark design without its logo, work with that. More than the other age brackets, you need to dress responsibly.

Bunmi Odejayi, 35 year old mother of 5, business owner and home maker loves working with children and likes clothes that speak about her personality.

You dress with undertones.

You can do this by ‘accessorising’ more.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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simply chic

40’s

Quite a number of women tend to shrink a bit at this age. (For most, this happens when they are in their 60s). Apart from your dressing which should be demure and characteristically graceful, wearing the right pair of shoes is imperative. But large platforms are a NO! NO! Slim heels which give shoes their defined curve are preferable, but they don’t have to be stilettos. Trainers are not a fashion accessory at this age.

They are strictly meant for working out.

Yewande Ogundare, MD, Paper Wave, in her 40s, looking great in green.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

simply chic

50’s

Pictures: Lemosh, Clothes from Lophix

It is essential to be graceful at this age. Cheap high street clothes might look dashing on you during your twenties, but not now- they will come out looking exactly cheap and the overall effect only makes it a waste of money and effort because you’ll end up looking tacky. Conservative, yet elegant, is what you should always bear in mind.

Dressing your age is extremely important. Research has shown that dressing appropriately can get you that promotion or new job. It can also draw like minded people to you, as well as increase your self esteem. Dressing your age does a lot of good not only for your personal appearance but also for your psyche. So, stay real!

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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MONTESSORI CENTRE

the law of in-laws

Hold your

Position

by Morayo Fawehinmi

A

friend invited me to the inauguration of his brother as the president of the noblest philanthropic organisation in their community. Being an occasion that is usually attended with pomp and pageantry, all hands were on deck in preparation for this august occasion. No expense was spared.

Finally the D day arrived, and as I sat at the vantage seat reserved for me by my dear friend I looked forward to all the fun of the day. To my utmost surprise, the celebrant was invited to the high table accompanied by his MOTHER! While I was still trying to gather my thoughts, I heard the MC announce the names of his four siblings (all married ladies) inviting them all to join their brother on the high table. As they were all seated, the ceremony commenced with the opening prayers. I sat there dazed, with unbelief and disgust written all over me as I watched the mother sitting confidently beside her only son, grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat, pride, possessiveness and an air of achievement all around her, even my friend too!

I looked around for the celebrant’s wife and I saw her obviously uncomfortable, where she sat, abandoned, and I was more shocked that nobody 24

saw what was to me an unpardonable offence! This is definitely wrong. A wife’s place is beside her husband, it is her DIVINE POSITION. The question kept leaping at me for answers. Why is everybody comfortable with this? Why is the wife not insisting on her right? Could it be because she is not a native of that community?

Perplexed, I did what I normally do when I’m confused. I sent a frantic ‘knee-mail’ to heaven. No sooner had I clicked the sent button in my heart, than the reply was released to me.

For the next thirty minutes or more, I tuned my heart to the revelation from the throne of grace, lost in my own thoughts, oblivious of the topsy-turvy around me. HOLD ON TO YOUR POSITION would be the apt summary of the message. Let’s share the nuggets from the above as we download the reply to my ‘knee-mail’.

God is a God of order and the principle of position is one of the funda-

mental issues in God’s value system.

This principle is reflected in the GODHEAD where God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit occupy three very distinct yet seamless positions. When God created mankind, He instituted the family unit and then established specific positions for family members.

Understanding God’s mind on the principle of position (the theology of position) would enhance the outworking of our relationship in every facet of life. Every position is an office, irrespective of its nature and there is a definite anointing to run each office. Every position also has the potentials of a calling from God who always equips those He calls. Invested in each position are authority, power, and responsibility. The average man as a result of his split mindset fails to recognize these facts and subsequently never avails himself of the inherent divine investments in positions.

The disposition of certain posigemwoman | July/August 2007

the law of in-laws tions is a function of age, time and or dispensations while others have intertwined authority and responsibilities operating flawlessly. The most excellent example is the trinity. God the father had the pre-eminence in the Old Testament dispensation. God the son in the new testament while the present day dispensation is for the outworking of the Holy spirit, yet they are three in one and one in three and operate a seamless rule since eternity past.

Having established the significance, place and relevance of the principle of position in God’s order in general, there is the need to x-ray its application to our area of interest at this juncture. It is an understatement to infer that the root of much of the problems associated with the in-law issue is position tussle!

What a difference it would make if everyone understands the theology of position. If every mother would continually bring to her remembrance her yester years in the office of a wife, and every wife likewise will choose to look ahead of her future promotion to the office of the mother-in-law, then the sacred in-law relationship would be rescued from the mire of this malignant abuse! My dream of a world filled with pleasant in-laws would up grade on the reality scale.

Every parent needs to understand and accept the nature of his or her office. The authority and responsibility of a parent over the child ceases when he or she gets married, though the position as a mother or father is for a life time. Such knowledge should motivate parents to invest much prayer in the lives of their children, even from the tender ages, to ensure they find God’s chosen spouses.

Mothers especially should learn to pass the baton to their daughtersin-law joyfully and trust God that these wives also wish the best for their sons.

Likewise, the son should be bold enough to cut off the apron strings of their mothers.

It is note worthy to mention the fact that some wives create issues for their gemwoman | July/August 2007

husbands when they refuse to allow their marriage covenants to severe the spiritual umbilical cords from their mothers. Men married to such daughters are usually faced with challenges in the area of exercising their authority. The example of a beautiful transition of position was demonstrated in the story of Isaac, recorded in the book of Genesis.

What peace we often forfeit because we have not learnt to take our positions. I would like to share the story of a household which lacked peace until one woman decided to hold her position. This story might play out like a fiction but it was true to life.

A certain mother lived with her son for 17yrs and there was never a moment of peace in the family. The wife despised the idea of the live-in mother-in-law; she was very hostile and unaccommodating. The mother

opened her eyes to reality.

On this fateful day, as the mother in law started her tirade of maternal boasts, this desperate wife took her on squarely. It was a big drama as she jumped up, and began to undo the buttons of her blouse to the surprise of every one present. She blatantly told her mother-in-law off, claiming she had no jurisdiction when it came to breast issues. According to her, the mother in-law only had six year tenure at the business, but she, the wife had not only been in the business for seventeen years, she was still good to go for a life time!

She was restrained from removing her bra by her embarrassed husband and sister-in-law, in her attempt to prove her claims to her dumbfounded mother-in-law. I laughed till my sides ached in protest, the day I heard this story. I was told that that was the last

God is a God of order and the principle of position is one of the fundamental issues in God’s value system. When God created mankind, He instituted the family unit and then established specific positions for family members. felt the wife was incompetent and therefore not fit to take care of her son and grandchildren. They lived like cat and mouse, with the poor man torn in between the two of them.

At every available opportunity, the mother was quick to remind the wife of her precious maternal investments in her son. She would proudly relate how her womb was the nest where the man was incubated in the gestation period of his life, and how he was nurtured to life at her breast, claiming a world record of ‘baby friendly’ programme because according to her, ‘she nursed her son for six years!’

According to the story, this went on for years until one day the wife threw in a joker which permanently shut the mother-in-law’s mouth and probably

anybody heard of any quarrels between these two women.

Of course, I do not advocate the need for such dramatic displays in order to hold unto one’s position; however, I couldn’t help but agree that at times only the violent would take it by force.

I am also reminded of a wife who did not allow her husband and the sister to eat from the food prepared by the live-in sister-in-law because her husband would not stop giving his sister the housekeeping allowance instead of her. The issue had been a long standing one and the poor wife had had to go to a catering school to sharpen her culinary arts in other to meet up with expectations. She had complained to continued on page 49 25

face 2 face

by Eyiyemi Rogbiyin

a g e i n g

Gracefully As the Bible says, ‘there’s a time in life for everything.’

For women there are a lot of things we can’t get away with once we attain the age of say 30 - 40.

Can you imagine a 40 year old woman in a micro mini? It doesn’t matter how great her legs are, you’re bound to think to yourself if not to anyone else: why is she not respecting her age? Right?

OK, so some of us are bolder than others but when and how do you draw the line as you get older?

As you get older, you have to work harder to maintain your glow as your skin and hair are also ageing.

The rule to Remember is that LESS IS MORE in terms of make up application, skin exposure as in no cleavage on display, no legs on display etc.

You need to keep your skin hydrated always, as skin tends to get dryer as you grow older. Use Olive oil, Coconut oil or Shea butter. Drink lots of water. This cannot be over emphasized.

Hair for most women as they grow older becomes a bother. The solution for most women is to have their hair cut low, as this is easier to maintain.

You could wear wigs for that special occasion or if you prefer long hair, you could go natural and weave or matt your hair every couple of weeks.

You need to keep your skin hydrated always, as skin tends to get dryer as you grow older.

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Wardrobe is a personal decision for all women as it’s a matter of taste.

Clothes tend to become loose fitting and darker in colour as one gets older.

You can wear form fitting clothes as long as they are not tight and can also use accessories with a bright piece like a scarf, jewelry, bag or shoes.

The look you should aim to achieve is timeless and classic.

If you look around, you will see a few examples of beautiful women ageing gracefully.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

face 2 face

Ancient

beauty therapies

T

he age of information explosion may have proven to be more of a curse than a blessing to the present day woman as it relates to making choices of what beauty product to use. What, with the plethora of skin care products from foreign lands, each with a promise of working wonders on your skin, face, hair, hands,…, one is hard-pressed to make realistic choices that would yield the desired result.

These 3 products all have the natural God given essential working elements that we need for lovely looking skin and hair. Interestingly, they also form part of the base for those imported creams we scramble to buy.

They nourish dry skin, have softening properties, can be used to alleviate joint aches and pains, protect your skin from the sun, can reduce the appearance of dark spots, blemishes and stretch marks, can be used as bath oils for that relaxing soak, as massage aid and for lovely long thick manageable hair.

Natural Essential Working Elements ~ Shea butter(ORI) ~ Coconut Oil (Adi Agbon) ~ OLIVE OIL

Picture: Original Intentions | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

However, things needn’t be as difficult as that, if only we can look more carefully. Around us and at minimum cost are timeless beauty products that have worked and are still working miracles! Do you remember the Shea butter(ORI),Coconut Oil (Adi Agbon) and OLIVE OIL?

So what are you waiting for? Just ask your mum or better still, your Grandma to get your stash of any one of the products listed above and you’ll be making the best decision of your life.

Enjoy!

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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face 2 face

Hair styles For children, matting or ‘didi’ is best, as it doesn’t pull the hair too tightly and thereby puts no pressure on the scalp.

Also ‘calabar’ or big braids without the hair pieces are good for kids.

Ribbons, beads, hair clips can be added to further beautify the hair.

For Teenagers, weaving is advisable as it lasts a bit longer but should not be done too tightly as this could cause bumps on the scalp.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

face 2 face

for all ages Adults have a wide range of stlyes to choose from. There are all types of weaving like the Ghana weaving, braiding like the million braids, twists, weave on, perming, curling, dreads, wigs and of course going natural.

Glam look.

Keeping it short!

Long straight bob.

Nice upswept look.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Ghana weaving

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

cover interview

Tomi Soyode Despite all Odds

S

Interview by Bola Olawale he became an English graduate at the age of eighteen, got married at twentysix, and began her banking career at twenty-nine. But it seemed that some of the kindness life offered Tomi Soyode, the 45-years-old banking executive, was going to be marred by the sudden death of her husband five years after her marriage.

Fourteen years after the tragic incidence, the banking executive employed by UBA PLC, one of Nigeria’s leading banks, has not only made great gains of her condition as a single mother but found purposeful living as a woman.

She relates the pains of her early loss, the challenges of building a career and raising a child, and enjoying the grace of God in carrying on her life’s purpose even in the circumstance.

GEM: How have you been able to juggle motherhood with your career pursuit especially, being a widow?

T.S: Only this morning, I told a friend of mine that children don’t come with instruction manuals. You simply learn to raise them as the days go by. God’s grace has been abundant upon my life. People talk about the fact that my daughter is so well brought up, only God could have made that possible.

Motherhood has come with various challenges at different phases of my life, particularly given the demands of my job. It is expected that any child who grows up under such condition will be shaped by circumstances. With a doting mother who is there all the time, some say the child tends to become very dependent, relying on her mum to make everything available or possible. That hasn’t been the situation in my case.

My daughter grew up among adults, and while I’ve had several people living with me over time, she remained the youngest among them. As a result, she matured a little faster than her age, and became more independent.

GEM: Your daughter was only 5 when your husband passed on-the same year you began building your career with the organization. What has it been like this past years?

T.S: My daughter is 18 going on 19, and for most of her life.

For most of her life, she has known her mum to be a career woman. gemwoman | July/August 2007

GEM: The Banking profession has been a major challenge for women in regards to managing the home and raising children. Would you say you made it this far because of your status as a single mother?

T.S: I would like to say that everything has been because of God. Even if you sleep and wake with a child 24/7 (round the clock), it takes only God to raise him or her properly. This is because children can be very unpredictable especially, as teenagers. You never really know what is going on in their lives - they spring up all sorts of surprises.

There is no doubt that there is greater pressure on family life now that women have had to take up more demanding jobs such as Banking like their male counterparts, creating a situation in which the father is never around and the mum is also not there. By the time both get to meet at night, they hardly have enough time to find out what has been going on in the home.

GEM: How then did you get by?

T.S: My experience taught me to show love but not over pamper my child, or compromise her ability to exercise good judgment, and it has worked out for me.

I believe it is good for children to enjoy some degree of independence, at least, enough to give them a sense of responsibility for their own lives, and decisions, of course with guidance from adults around them.

Prior to the time my husband died, my daughter had 31

cover interview come to enjoy her father’s attention, being the only child.

He doted on her to the point of almost making her an idol. I always had to work full time as a paid employee while he ran his own business from home, so she was used to seeing her father as the “loving parent” while I was the disciplinarian.

After the death of her father, I guess the shock made her…let me say, elicited all sorts of reactions from her. She went through physical changes and suffered some degree of emotional trauma. I had no choice but to cultivate my own relationship and become closer to her, and I think that became the key.

I believe the answer, is for parents to build friendship with their children, whatever the age. If you’re friends to your children, you can discuss a lot of things with them and that way you get to find out what’s going on in their lives. God has made it worthwhile for me, because even though I didn’t have all the time to spend with my girl, whatever time I spent with her was quality time.

GEM: Is that no longer the case?

T.S: Now that she is more of an adult it’s a bit different, our friendship is on another level.

You know the way it is with two adults, we fight but get to make up. I guess we are continuously rediscovering our friendship.

GEM: Were there practical steps you made to make it all work out?

T.S: Practical steps? Well, one thing I have learnt is that It is not the amount of time that one spends but what is achieved within that time. You’ll find out that for most of us who get to work feel so tired by the time we get home and only half heartedly ask if they have done their homework. It is all about instructions: ‘have you done this? Have you done that? What have you not done? and so on.

At the end, there’s hardly any bonding with the children because you have had only 30 minutes with them before bedtime and adding nothing of value.

Now that schools have become so competitive in our environment, it is all about doing homework, taking extra

lessons, all adding up to more pressure on the children.

They have very little room to enjoy themselves and when they remember that mummy will be home soon, they have nothing really to look forward to.

GEM: How do parents manage this problem?

T.S: My advice to younger parents is not only to create a balance between work and the home, but to build a bond with their children. Do things you enjoy. Am very busy, there’s no doubt about it, I work hard, but when you come to my house at the weekend, you’ll find out that I spend whatever spare time I have doing things that I enjoy AT HOME, and that’s what really gives me pleasure.

I am not a party person, so I guess that helps.

GEM: How long were you married before you lost your husband?

T.S: Okay! I guess now we are delving into more interesting territory. I was married for five years, though we knew each other about two years before we got married.

I got married before I became a Christian, he wasn’t then a Christian either and that created its challenges because we argued a lot.

Only God can ordain the coming together of two people from totally different backgrounds, with different lifestyles, that expect to live peacefully under the same roof and live happily ever after. I mean, it’s really a mystery.

My marriage was very challenging. As a matter of fact, it was in an attempt to cope with the challenges that I became born again. Somebody invited me to church and when I got there, I asked the Lord to help me experience some calm.

I later found out that being married to an unbelieving husband also created its own major demands, but one thing that made it a whole different experience was that my husband and I were friends. We were two different people, with different values but the friendship we developed before we got married was sustained and that added great value for the short time we lived as husband and

I believe it is good for children to enjoy some degree of independence, at least, enough to give them a sense of responsibility for their own lives, and decisions, of course with guidance from adults around them.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

cover interview wife. The way things were after our first year together, may have ended up parting ways if not for God and the friendship we had. I am an advocate of friendship before marriage because, when the stars have gone down, it is the friendship that keeps the relationship alive.

GEM: At what point did your husband become a Christian?

T.S: A year before he died, he gave his life to Christ. He saw that whatever I was doing was working for us as a family and for our marriage.

He managed to stay on the straight and narrow road after that. Our last year together was so blissful but was cut short by his sudden death. Still, I am grateful that I had that period even though it was really short compared to the other years of our marriage. Memories of our last moments have remained with me.

GEM: Is that why you never remarried - did you remain a widow by choice?

T.S: I don’t know how to answer that question. I don’t want to say it was by choice or design- perhaps it is a combination of both. I became a widow at 31 and a year later, everybody thought that the natural course was for me to remarry and being a very domesticated person, many assumed that I was better of becoming a wife again. I love home cooking and always seize every opportunity I have to do one or two things in the kitchen or do normal things that a home maker likes to do.

A few years after, I had very strong desire to get married again, given one or two possibilities but which never got any far for various reasons. With each passing year, my views on… or should I say the qualities I wanted in a man appeared to increase and that perhaps is because God develops our character and depth as we grow older. What you thought was okay years back suddenly seems inappropriate, or out of taste and you wonder how you ever came to thinking you could live with this or that person in the first place.

I felt it was important for me to marry a man that I would look up to since I was now mature and had somewhat advanced in my career, which some Nigerian men often see as an issue. I really didn’t think that I should marry just for the sake of marriage. Considering the fact that I am approaching another phase of my life, I’ll like to call that the second half (I’ll be 45 soon by the grace of God). Children are not on my radar right now, I have one biological child but several other children that I look after.

Of course, loneliness has been an issue but God has brought me through it and I’ve learnt to enjoy my own company and have found joy even in my single state. There are times when one feels low and anxious about the future; you start thinking okay, at the end of the hard work; you need a companion, someone to share the rest of your life with and grow old with.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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cover interview

Life should never be put on hold permanently on account of bereavement. God is a God of restoration and can make all things new. Learn to continue doing things that you enjoyed as much as possible. Keep a positive outlook and firm conviction in God’s ability to bring some good even out of bad situations.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

cover interview GEM: Are you open to marriage - it’s not a no go area?

T.S: No it is not. I simply tell God it will only happen if it is the right person. May be it is because I’ve grown used to my own company and think perhaps, if I go back to living with someone, it could mean a complete change of lifestyle. So, it must be someone who is worth my while and can make me give up my independence.

GEM: Do you see God’s hand in the whole matter?

T.S: Everything is about God. Sometimes, I imagine what it would have been like if I wasn’t born again, the new people I have met along the way, my parents in the Lord and things like that. Life would have been so different.

God took me through some of these things so that I can be an encouragement to others in my state. I’ve met some young widows along the line and I let them know that they can get through life and come out on top with God. I am not a Superwoman; it has been all about God’s grace. It is not a pleasant experience, and if I was to write the script of my life, it would have been different but God knows the end from the beginning. Widowhood is different from never having been married. Even with someone you quarrel with everyday, once that person goes out and you suddenly find yourself with no one to quarrel with, you still miss the person. After all, anger is only an emotional expression.

GEM: How do you advise we counsel young widows since there are times when words don’t seem enough?

T.S: Not every situation is exactly alike. Emotions are different and people react to situations differently. This is one of the reasons God has carried me thus far - to reach out to other widows and talk to them about God’s sufficient grace.

One of the most important things people must bear in mind is allowing widows grieve properly. I realized that it is a common norm in Nigeria, for everybody to come around you when something happens. They offer prayers for you and encourage you not to cry. I think it is wrong because people need to express their pains. Worse still, it is usual to see people flocking around your house immediately the news goes out and after a while the faces disappear. It is like plunging a person into cold water after a hot one; suddenly reality dawns that you have to face life by yourself.

I am talking based on my experience. Widows must always be prepared for the time when they would be left alone. At the end of the day, nobody can walk that road with you except God. Not even another widow can share your grief or hold your hand, only God can. He alone is the comforter.

The second thing to bear in mind is that children also grieve, but the attention is always on their remaining parent.

The children who have suffered loss of their father also have to learn to adjust to life without him. Sometimes we think overprotecting the children is the answer and that brings different reactions from the children. gemwoman | July/August 2007

Never build high expectations about anyone, if it comes, great. At least, there will be no disappointment if it doesn’t because you will never really know what people can do or are capable of. I have been shocked getting all kinds of propositions from men who were friends of the family and close associates….clients, all manner of people. Three weeks after my husband died, a man told me how sorry he was to hear the news, then he said he had always wanted to have me as his second wife, and now the coast was clear. Can you beat that? That day, I thought I was going to die, I was so shattered. You would not believe that man kept at it for more than 3 years.

You also get to know the heart of in-laws and relatives, and believe me, even those you expect to watch your back, can stab you. There is no use depending on anyone but God. The watchword should be I am dependent on God because my expectations are of Him. GEM: What is the way forward for widows?

T.S: It is important to pick yourself up and get on with life, God helping us. Life should never be put on hold permanently on account of bereavement. God is a God of restoration and can make all things new. Learn to continue doing things that you enjoyed as much as possible. Keep a positive outlook and firm conviction in God’s ability to bring some good even out of bad situations. There will always be adjustments to be made in view of the fact that one suddenly finds you are no longer part of a couple, but it is still possible to live a fulfilled life as a single person.

GEM: Are you aggressive in your career?

T.S: All I can say is I do my best to enjoy work, but I would say again, that God has made all the difference. He has brought me thus far and will continue to lead me towards His ultimate plan for my life in Jesus name.

GEM: Who is your ideal man?

T.S: My ideal man for marriage is someone who is intellectual, spiritual, matured and can influence me, as well as share a passion for the things I enjoy.

Interview Credits Outfits: Tomi Soyode’s wardrobe Jewellery: Tomi Soyode’s Photography: Ade Plumptre, 0802 317 5992 Makeup: Ebonymintes, 0802 338 6402

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stepping out in style

Prints & Plains It was more than just a fashion statement when women from various works of life stepped out in trendy garbs of prints and plains as part of the “Women for Change” programme put together by This Present House Church, Lekki, with Pastor Nkoyo Rapu, playing hostess.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

Pictures: Lemosh

stepping out in style

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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stepping out in style

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

gemwoman | July/August 2007

39 Pictures: Sunday Maglo, 0803 722 8272

stepping out in style

These well tailored attires designed by Indigo Clothings and Frankerin Artwears are definitely clothings that distinguish you among the crowd.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

Picture: Original Intentions

stepping out in style

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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Life Nuggets A Life without Christ is a life of crisis.

•••

Life does not end here on earth, there is eternity to consider. Where will you spend it?

•••

Consider your number one mission in life and see if you are running towards it.

•••

Don’t put off enjoying your life.

•••

A life of purpose may you lead.

•••

Recognise this day as a gift and discipline yourself to find something to thank God for.

•••

The life that intends to be wholly obedient, wholly submissive, wholly listening is astonishing in its completeness.

•••

See your life through heaven’s eyes.

•••

Don’t live your life in a hurry, slow down and appreciate what God has done, pause a few minutes to watch the sun on the horizon.

•••

The little things make each day a master-piece.

•••

Don’t take the people in your life for granted.

•••

Say to yourself; I am not going to live this day, angry, bitter, dejected or sad.

I choose to be happy.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

feature

Help for widows

Living a life of

Purpose T

by Bola Olawale

he story of Helen Keller remains one of the outstanding cases of people banished to the abyss of hopelessness as a result of childhood disability, but who never-the-less, took a leap above life’s constraint to make her mark.

Though blind and deaf to a world of sight and sound, her words drum into the soul, good melody and colourful picture of a woman who has learnt to conquer fears by taking a grip on her life. She says, ‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’

My meeting with Mrs. Sandra Edowaye Ishola, who heads the Samuel Iyere Foundation - a Ministry for Widows, brought these words more vividly to my mind.

In spite of a health condition that has left her bedridden for many years, the 48-year old mother of six and grandmother, has chosen to look beyond her predicament to give hope gemwoman | July/August 2007

to women in distress, though not a widow.

From her bed in a modest apartment located on the outskirts of Lagos Mrs. Ishola, says she heard the call of God to take up the challenge.

‘I really didn’t know what to do when I got the vision in 2001 because prior to that, I had a burden to care for orphans. After I heard God speak

to me about a Ministry for Widows, I got confirmation that it was his will for me, but could not immediately, take it up until a year ago due to financial limitations. Somehow, I knew I needed to actualise the vision and had to hold on to the word of God.’ It required a step of faith, ‘the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the feeding of the multitude by Jesus, with two fish 43

feature and five loaves, and I knew it will require a humble start.’ How did she do it? I asked.

‘We started by sending letters to churches to be sure the women are indeed widows who need help, while the churches serve as guarantors. We also ensure that they get personal guarantors. We give out forms to get information about their late husbands, the number of children and their future desires. We are interested in knowing whether they want to remarry and

themselves and to make them selves relevant in society. Horror stories abound as to the treatment of widows even though no one prays for it we should empower ourselves as women.

Apart from the Widow Ministry, Mrs. Ishola has a poultry and sells eggs.

She trained as a caterer and handles various contracts such as interior decorations and party planning.

When asked how she has been able to look beyond her disability to take up these tasks, considering that other women may have felt handicapped, she replies with boisterous enthusiasm, ‘I can’t just give up. May be I am stubborn, but I have made God my source of strength. Whatever I am going through at the moment is not my making. I remember some of the people I spoke to about my vision, they discouraged me because of my condition. But I decided to listen to the voice of God. I am like an orange tree planted at the junction; everyone and drinks from it.

“I can’t just give up. May be I comes I know what God says conam stubborn, but I have made cerning me and love to counsel people. I know what the Lord God my source of strength.” is able to do, so I cannot comwhy? Some say they need someone plain.’ to pay their children’s school fees and It takes a strong will, and a trust in provide for their upkeep and are ready God’s word that comes from a deep to trade if settled. Some simply want knowledge of His love, for a woman in to marry for companionship and it is such a condition to see life in such a based on the information provided, positive way, with no time to spare on that we select those to give loans with self pity. proper advice.’ We thank God for the Listening to Mrs. Ishola is a humtremendous support we have received bling experience as she is full of ideas so far. and so bubbly that one momentarOur target is to affect at least 50 or ily forgets about her disability. This is more widows in the first three years. indeed a woman that lives by her faith When asked what keeps her motiMrs. Ishola got born again about 23 vated. She smiles and says you need years ago. The long period of her illto see the faces of the widows after ness has in no way affected her faith they have started their businesses. The in God’s divine ability to heal her even change is drastic and is evident in their with suggestions to seek alternative walk and attitude. They become more means. secure and confident and believe there ‘It is too late for me to turn back. is a future for their children. Indeed The illness became worse about four widows are treated badly in the soci- years ago and I’ve made it clear that I ety. She encourages women to develop cannot go seeking ‘babalawos’ (herbal44

ists). God does not lie and because I am still alive I know He will do it.’

Mrs. Ishola’s story would not be complete without the unsung heroes in her life - her children. ‘I have the best of children, to the Glory of God and they are always willing to go the extra mile. I feel fulfilled both as a mother and as vessel of God and when they are happy, I am happy because we are meeting people’s need in our little way.’

She also spoke of her father, after whom she named the foundation.

‘I am the first of eight children and my parents have remained by me through my wilderness period. Till now, my father sends me foodstuff.’

She says very happily.

Her advice to women in pursuit of life goals is, ‘not to be lazy and not to give up. No matter how small, the vision will grow. I find it difficult to understand what some women mean by saying they cannot do anything. I don’t know why. I think there is always more than enough to do, if only you can connect to the source. Idleness can lead only to unwholesome acts like fornication and adultery. It could also give room to depression. I couldn’t help but tell her what an inspiration she was and in her ever so humble manner she couldn’t see what was so special about the things she was doing. I made a mental note never to complain about anything again

Goals of the Foundation • To erase untold hardships from the life of the widow.

• To piqué the interest of the society about the harmful treatment the widow and the children receive, and to bringing the trials that the widow and the orphan face in the society.

• To provide a reason for a change in her life as a widow.

• To portray the widow as an intelligent, and emotional being.

Samuel Iyere Foundation Plot 377, 5th Avenue, Gowon Estate, Ipaja, Lagos, Nigeria.

E-mail: samueliyerefoundation@yahoo.com Tel: 0806 242 8245

gemwoman | July/August 2007

an Ode to

Ifeyinwa Irukwu At sunrise I met Agape.

We wondered at a love so deep, yet so gentle, a love so giving yet so rich.

We looked up expectant, seeking the face of the master.

We sought then at the dawn of our lives a kindred spirit, one in whom the master’s love flowed without compromise.

Then we found you…..

You breezed through life like a gentle wind calming and uplifting You spoke the potter’s heart quietly but powerfully. You touched each heart warmly but surely.

You flushed out blackness with his radiating lightness.

Then you left us……

For each who sought the master’s rest you gave your dependable shoulder.

For each who groped confused in the darkened maze, you shone sparkles of brightness.

For each dazed and broken spirit you mended with your graceful words.

Then you flew home…..

We gape aghast at the deep gnawing pain of separation, no longer a call away but in eternity at rest.

With heavy hearts and tear filled eyes we savour every memory of you.

It was a privilege to have called you friend and an honour to have called you sister.

Goodnight Ifeyinwa, see you once more someday where light forever shines.

- Alero mobola adollo

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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Teen-Age Attention!

A

by Dapo Awosika

young teenager I ‘tutored’ once, described the teenage years with a qualification ‘X’- signifying Generation X as we have come to know it.

As a variable, ‘X’ is not only capable of assuming a variety of numbers as the case in mathematical equations, it also represents various character dispositions. From being mild and good tempered, to an angry stubborn, rebellious or defiant teenager.

Why does a teenager become rebellious? What do teenagers rebel seemingly against? Are the demands of the highly venerated offices of Reverends, Pastors and Imams, responsible for the obstinate tendencies of their progeny or siblings?

Is it the unusual attention they get or the lack of it?

Could it be as a result of the constant reminders from their parents to at least, remember the sons and daughters of whom they are, or as the case may be, a matter of having no choice but to conform to the expected lifestyle - obeying the last order?

As parents, do we affect their character developments negatively or positively by the demands we make on them?

Do we expect them to obey every command or do we give them room to act based on personal discretion when necessary?

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As a young teen raised by a single mother, my mum demanded absolute obedience. Though she had a wonderful nature and encouraged me in sports activities, she made it clear that morals and absolute obedience in the area of my academics was none negotiable.

Whenever I slipped, which was often, she convenes a ‘Berlin Conference,’ with my aunts and uncle in attendance, but usually not after administering the rod and staff to comfort me.

The outcome of the ‘Berlin Conference,’ was more agonising than the rod, since it provided them an opportunity to tongue lash me and remind me of some bitter truths. It particularly upset me that my mother was always calling these people and knew little or nothing about happenings in their own homes. But it became clear that she took me through it to make me fall in line.

I craved a situation, where my mum would talk to me as mother-to-child, rather than calling together a whole community!

Never compare your teenage child or any other with those of your neighbours, his or her nephew, nieces or cousins, your child is unique!

The father of a pretty teenager told me once that he made his house out-of-bounds to her friends- both male and female- because he didn’t want anyone to corrupt his precious daughter. I advised that it would be more proper gemwoman | July/August 2007

little gems

gemwoman | July/August 2007

of admitting to their friends that they are virgins.

It may be proper to ask your teenager the questions I asked those parents, so that you know where you stand and try not to be surprised by their answers.

What happens in home environment is imprinted on the mind of a teenager. While a beautiful home environment produces a happy and cheerful teenager, a home with squabbles and resentment produces a disturbed child who gets angry at the whole world, a situation that could result in something similar to the recent case in America; where a student shot at his lecturer and fellow students.

While I am of the view that a teenager should be guided in his choice of a career, I do not support the idea of imposing a career choice on him or her. A Lawyer friend of mine studied Medicine because of his father’s insistence that it was that or nothing else.

Immediately he concluded the pro-

desire, there would be little or no need to bark out commands.

Being a father and a preacher, my piece would not be conclusive without writing something on this unusual relationship. Gradually, more children are beginning to resent “our God”, whom their parents love and cherish because He appears to get more attention than they get from their parents.

One day, while preparing to go for a vigil in church, my son stood by the door insisting that I wasn’t going out that night. His grouse was that I was in Church on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. ‘Everyday, it is church, church, church!’ he exclaimed.

Initially, I was upset and asked him to step away from the door, then it occurred to me that all that my son wanted was a little attention. I took off my shoes and changed my mind about attending the service; and I didn’t think God would get angry over my decision.

What happens in the home environment is imprinted on the mind of a teenager. gramme, which was six years after, he enrolled to start law. He has since qualified to practice Law. Find out your child’s dreams and passion and assist him or her to be the best he/she can become.

A minister preached once about children honouring their parents, that it may be well with them and so that their days may be long. The same preacher, encouraged parents not to provoke their children to anger and resentment, but to instill discipline in them lovingly and nurture them with godly advice.

Parents are the greatest influence on teenagers; they are the role models the children emulate. Our societal values have been greatly affected because we have less of parents that can positively impact on their children. If we give them the attention they deserve and

Every child deserves to be loved.

Teenagers particularly desire relevant attention from their parents and when they don’t get it, they go take to other measures. While some may warm their ways into your heart to get it, other do things that get them branded as being rebellious. Is your child vocal about his craving or desire for attention? Does he/she make demands on you through defiant behaviours?

I think it is about time we paid attention to the growing needs and changes in our teenagers, rather than calling them to attention.

You must ask yourself the question, ‘how well do I know my teenage son/ daughter?’

I hope you can answer the question positively. We must invest in our future and this is where to start!

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Picture: Original Intentions

to ensure that she never went to school, and that he should get her a personal teacher instead.

A child without friends is only a disaster waiting to happen.

I recommend that teenagers be allowed or encouraged to bring their friends home, whether they be male or female. An old adage says, show me your friend and I would tell you who you are. When their friends pay a visit, don’t take a seat in front of the TV, or choose that time to sit in the living room to read dailies. Give them some space! It is advised to go in every now and then to keep track of their gist. You are then able to assess their friends, their backgrounds and what they have been taught. Where you disapprove of his or her friend, don’t make an issue of it. Sit down with them from time to time to discuss. Let them understand why you approve of Peter and disapprove of Jack, or why you prefer Debbie to Delilah.

At a forum organized for youths, I asked if parents think their daughters would confide in them if they became pregnant or if their sons would tell them about impregnating a lady.

Some parents still have difficulty discussing sex with their teenagers.

They see it as a taboo! In my days, a teenager between sixteen and eighteen fantasize about sex. Today, they not only fantasize but indulge in explicit sex from the age of thirteen or fourteen.

There was the case of a teenager who was infected with HIV after her first sexual experience. It is not enough to brand the words, ‘No Sex’! Cultivate a relationship with your teenage child; that makes it convenient for him or her to discuss friends of the opposite sex with you. And based on this, you are able to properly advise without posing a threat.

Some now advise that if their teenagers must have sex then they should use condoms. What has happened to the issue of chastity in our children, especially, for us as Christians?

Many teenagers are now so ashamed

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The Ultimate Gift.

To Give

the law of in-laws Hold your position continued from page 25

no avail, hence she decided to take a drastic step.

She would eat her fill of the food prepared by her sister-in-law and shared the rest out to her neighbours. The message eventually got home to the husband who was forced to allow his wife to assume her position in her kitchen. What can

the great achievement of bearing fruits in any man’s life can only be realized through the office of the wife.

This is a truth I have earnestly prayed that one particular woman would receive. That woman is no other than the church! She is one woman who has refused to assume the ulti-

As long as you stand in your God given position and are ready to take up the responsibilities of the position, then the whole of Heavens: the ultimate authority will always back you up.

I say? That was wisdom, knowing that the way to a man’s heart (at least one of the ways) is through his stomach.

Yet another oppressed wife once argued with her irate mother-in-law about the supremacy of the position of the wife over that of the mother. Her claims were backed by her belief that

gemwoman | July/August 2007

mate position earmarked for her. She is content to ‘tabernacle’ in the position of a child and has refused to see beyond the Fatherhood of God. Look around and assess her: the Church has no fruit. She needs a revelation that it is only in the position of a wife that fruit bearing is ordained. I can’t wait to

publish and release this mind blowing and life changing truth in my book, BEYOND THE FATHERHOOD OF GOD. Understanding the theology of position as an office is needful, yet exercising the authority and power invested in any position is a function of knowing that the ultimate authority is God. We should borrow a leaf from the wise centurion in the New testament, who though had authority over one hundred soldiers, yet understood that he was still a man under authority.

“I am a man under authority, I say to one soldier ‘go’ and he goes and to another, ‘come’ and he comes” As long as you stand in your God given position and are ready to take up the responsibilities of the position, then the whole of Heavens: the ultimate authority will always back you up. So hold your positions and possess your possession.

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singled out

g n i k a e r B

m r o N the

by Bola Olawale

After a meeting with a group of singles a few years back, a pretty sister approached me. She was tall and looked confident. As she began to speak, I could tell she had a lot on her mind. Her words were however, ‘um and ah’, and it took some words of encouragement to make her relax.

50

gemwoman | July/August 2007

singled out

gemwoman | July/August 2007

...your submission should be based on your understanding of the position he occupies as head of the family.

Submission to your husband is an indication of what you make of God’s instructions.

but the men I know always look older than their wives, although I believe it also requires the woman’s effort in keeping herself neat and trendy.

One is not advocating that you marry a teenager or someone old enough to be your child as a recent case in America involving a school teacher who married her son’s friend.

Ensure he is matured enough to take on responsibilities and loves the Lord.

Pray, pray, pray and get confirmation before you take a leap. Seek godly counsel and ensure that you are able to decipher between what the Lord wants for you and what you want for yourself.

My lady took a cue from what I said and later told her Pastor and folks about the Youngman. They are now married with 2 children and she says things could not have been better.

Pictures: Original Intentions | Make-up: Bukky, 0803 378 0424

“Is there truly something like a marriage made in heaven? She asked.

She was troubled over the fact that some of the couples she knew and greatly admired were having problems with their marriage. She felt confused about the chance she stood in building a good marriage relationship as a Christian.

She spoke further about courting a 31-years-old brother, who was 4 years younger than her.

She said she believed God led him to her, but she was yet to tell her parents about the relationship because of the age difference. Her Pastor had also not been informed.

According to her, the man was a good Christian and treated her well.

He was ready to marry her as soon as she gave the word, but she was haunted by the age gap and wondered what people may say if they know? Was it of God? I could see the tears in her eyes and understood her dilemma.

Does age really matter? When we look through scriptures, Abraham and Sarah were the only couples that had their age spelt out but only in relation to child bearing. It is therefore, irrelevant whether the man or woman is older. The important question is, is it God’s will for you? Many times we end up missing God’s will for our lives and become unhappy, simply because we worry about what men would say.

None of those people will live with you when you get married.

The issue of submission also came up. How do you submit to a man who is younger? It is not about the age, nor whether your husband is old, educated, rich or talented; your submission should be based on your understanding of the position he occupies as

•

head of the family. Submission to your husband is an indication of what you make of God’s instructions.

I know women who married men that are younger than they are and indeed have enjoyed excellent relationship.

Some women also worry about looking older than the man as time rolls by. I don’t know how God does it,

WISDOM QUOTE •

Life is in stages If you believe you haven’t moved far Trace your steps; you are certainly not where you were before.

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M

any women find themselves trapped in tedious and uninteresting work conditions today, but few are able to take that major leap that will bring order and sanity to their world.

It’s important to remind ourselves that we can only find fulfillment in life not just in pursuing our career goals but doing those things that bring meaning to our lives. We are often tempted to grab that plump job with fat salary though we dread the responsibilities that come with it. We hate Mondays and wish that Fridays extend forever!

A lot of us are simply ‘managing’ to get by without a guarantee of happiness, yet we are afraid to launch out to the deep either due to uncertainties or because we think it’s rather late in the day. There are some who believe they are to young to leave their employment and start something of their own, even though they have all it takes in terms of technical know-how and intelligence.

Starting Out…

not too young, not too old!

Picture: gem Woman Library

by Hannah Oyebanjo “Ma, I just quit my job with a financial institution. Although I was well paid, I would rather take a job that allows me to spend more time with my family. Having spent 7 years on my the job, three more years on the job would have earned me greater benefits, but something tells me it would be the most miserable period in my life. Already I feel like a stranger in my own home.”

52

Reasons Women Pursue Wrong Career 1. Lack of right counsel 2. Inability to readily identify area of keen interest 3. Frequently changing interests 4. Inability to focus on a particular career due to multiple talents and skills 5. Lack of financial support to pursue the desired career 6. Short-term orientation and focusa mentality of ‘survive now, tomorrow will take care of itself ” 7. Fear of the unknown 8. Lack of self confidence 9. Concerns about other people’s perception of the career choice 10. Too old or too young syndrome

gemwoman | July/August 2007

profession of faith Finding the Right Career How are you able to identify the right career for yourself even now?

Know Yourself: Developing career goals require basic information; knowledge about yourself and career options that are compatible with your interests, values, and skills.

Clarify Your Interests: Further explore your work interests or preferences by remembering what courses you’ve enjoyed and the careers you have considered.

Assess Your Values: Determine which personal values or attitudes influences and affects you in decision making and actions.

Determine Your Skills: Evaluate what skills you currently possess or want to develop. Skills come from a variety of work, academic, and life experiences.

Explore Options: Acquainting yourself with various career fields and what the jobs actually entail is critical to developing career goals.

Determine Preliminary Goals: Summarize the results of your selfassessment on a prioritized list to guide your in research.

Not too Young or Old You are never too young or too old to start your dream career. Remember that it is not how far but how well.

You can only perform your duties with passion only when the career path has been clearly defined.

David was called by God at a tender teenage age whereas Moses received a push in his adult years. There is an African adage that says the morning hours of a man life is the time he/she wakes up; be it noon, evening or night! You must determine for yourself whether gemwoman | July/August 2007

your age is a barrier to your chosen profession or not, it is not a decision that others should make for you.

I have been personally blessed seeing some elderly gospel artistes doing what they enjoy doing! It’s your call.

Are You Still Bothered about Age? 1. Pray about your career decision 2. Be courageous - Its your life!

3. Take that risk 4. Get committed to your passion.

5. Be humble enough to learn from others even if they younger than you are 6. Have a trainable heart. Learn from those who are older than you even if you are a whiz kid 7. Be self confident 8. Be disciplined - You have a point to prove 9. Be positive - the first world to conquer is your mind 10. God makes the difference - He can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you can ever ask or think.

I recall the case of a senior friend in her late thirties who said she had always wanted to obtain a university degree in order to pursue a career in teaching.

She was encouraged to do so and in no time became a graduate. She is more enthusiastic about life and generally more fulfilled.

It becomes very important for us as women, to help in identifying the areas of career interest in our children and encourage them in their career pursuits. They are never too young to launch out!

In conclusion, your age is not the issue. The success you make of the decision to change to a more fulfilling career, may soon become a reference point and a source of encouragement to others. The age you chose to make that move could actually be the core issue in your motivational story. So stop procrastinating, stop dilly-dallying! Get started.

A lot of us are simply ‘managing’ to get bye without a guarantee of happiness, yet we are afraid to launch out to the deep either due to uncertainties or because we think it’s rather late in the day.

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creative endeavours

Gap

Standing A

s in the days of old when Esther stood in the gap for the Jews in the face of impending extermination, Patience Eworo coordinator of the Women Intercessors International Fellowship (WIIF), heeded the call to stand up as one of God’s Generals for her native land, her nation and women the world over.

This was not only borne out of desire to see the will of God come to pass in the lives of men, but also an understanding of the intercessory ministry.

“I caught a revelation that made me realise that God is looking for a woman to stand in the gap and as His daughter, I am being called to arise and fulfil a purpose for my generation. In Jeremiah 9, the Bible spoke about the wailing woman and in Genesis see the story of how God created the woman out of the man to be his help-meet for him.

54

in the

Women are called to be help-meet and that means God has given unto us that thing which the man needs to fulfil the assignment of` God for his life. In 2004 to be precise, God said He will groom me for an intercessory ministry for women and He is doing that powerfully through WIIF today.’

Describing the activities of the group, Patience says, ‘we take issues to God when we meet, not necessarily on things that concern us, but based on revelation. We intercede on pressing issues for individuals, families, the church of God and nations by the help of the Holy Spirit. We are not tailored after the ‘bless me’ pattern because we know that when we seek God first, all other things shall be added unto us. It is about erecting walls that have been broken down.’

To support this fact, Patience shares one of the many testimonies that abound in their midst. ‘To let people know that the power as of old is still present in our days, the marriage of a woman who has been separated from her husband for 14 years, was restored.

She talks about the fact that she is the most unlikely of women to be used

by God because of her colourful past.

‘Honesty, I do not know the quali-

fication by which God calls a man, for I do not qualify by any chance. Up till now, I still wonder how I got here.

When I got born again, I heard people talk about hearing from God and I wondered if God will ever speak to me.

I began to worship God and fellowship with other brethren and prayed that I should hear from Him. The best moments of my life are the times I share in His presence. My whole family knows that, so whenever I am upset, my eldest daughter will say, mummy it’s time for worship. That was how I came to hear from God. There is no way you seek God and not hear from Him.’ Patience speaks of the place of women in the building of broken walls in the family as the only remedy for the revival of nations and healing of societies.

‘It all begins from the home, the church and then to the society. The Bible says a wise woman builds her home. God can not demand from you, what he has not given to you.

The woman is the bridge to overcoming obstacles in the home regardless of whether she has a good husband or not and any woman who has lost her godly virtues or who has none, will find it difficult to flow. A woman’s strength rests on her knees where she can intergemwoman | July/August 2007

“...the secret to living a godly Christian life is, ‘an indwelling of the word of God. Until God’s word becomes life to you, you cannot be empowered to come out of condemnation.” cede on behalf of her husband before his maker and not in fighting and quarrelling as is often the case. I have come to that realisation. You need not insult your husband or call him names because once you’ve said your husband is stupid, he acts stupidly.’

She says the secret to living a godly Christian life is, ‘an indwelling of the word of God. Until God’s word becomes life to you, you cannot be empowered to come out of condemnation (2 Cor 5:17). Only the glory of God can takes away your past.’

Patience’s dream for WIIF is, ‘to go to the nations - we are not limited by walls or boundaries.’

WIIF holds its meetings at 10.00 a.m, every second and fourth Tuesday of the month at A.Y Hotels Ogba, Ikeja, Lagos.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

55

home and you

simple

Keeping it

H

ave you ever been to a house with photographs of the children (from early age through growing up) lined up on the wall of the living room, with pictures frames, artworks and calendar that compete for space?

That is, apart from having a sofa with over eight throw pillows on each sofa and potteries on mantle pieces that give the look of a green house, rather than an apartment.

Is this the chaotic picture of your home? Then it’s time to introduce some sanity.

To start with, decide on the pictures you really should keep. We don’t need to see the entire story in one breath.

Two pictures of each child will be adequate, if they are not a whole team.

A console table will make a better host to the pictures. Hanging calendars on the wall of your sitting room is a no-no. They are better in your study.

If you are someone who selects calendar for decorative items because of the scenic pictures, a cute table calendar on a mantle piece would do.

It is also time to either relocate some of those pots and vases or make

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Give your home a break! Make your living room a nice place to relax, by constantly decongesting it of excesses. someone’s day by giving some of them away. Flowers can be more appreciated if they are but a few in the living room.

Having more than enough throw pillows creates an awkward sitting position for your guests.

Those award plaques can also do better in the study. One or two might just be okay to show off the achievement.

Give your home a break! Make your living room a nice place to relax, by constantly decongesting it of excesses.

Keep it simple! It would surprise you what great feeling you get from it.

You may like to add a long indoor plant at the corner, it gives you something to nurture.

Keep it simple and you would never go wrong.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

stepping out in style

Gorgeous.

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be you!

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Pictures: Wale, 0805 425 2308

stepping out in style

gemwoman | July/August 2007

59

rare gems

Age Barriers

T

by Bimbo Oloyede he last time, we identified some Nigerian women who contributed immensely to the nation’s socio-economic development in various capacities of service. One common denominator they all have is their visibility. All but one of them, were somewhere between 40 and 55 years old.

That surely doesn’t say only women within that age bracket are capable of playing a vital role in nation building nor does it suggest those who are older, are not in a position to make significant input, wherever they are placed.

I recall a visit to an Aunt of mine, Dr. Irene Modupeola Thomas, of blessed memory in 1987. It was very usual to find her reading various medical journals or writing papers for presentation in international conferences, but this day was different.

tilation in Nigeria. The papers on the floor, were leafs of her first newsletter, now ready for distribution.

She had so much to say but had to keep an appointment that was prescheduled for that afternoon, and as she hurried out, I wondered where she got all that energy to start afresh at 70.

After a fulfilling career in the health sector, she was targeting a cultural no-go-area, in a country that seemed resistant to change at the time, and having to deal with people that were quite nervous about tampering with taboos, than the consequences of their unsavoury practices. But she was not deterred. When she passed on at the age of 88, she had established 23 chapters of the IAC around the country.

Talk about old (wo) men dreaming dreams and mounting up with strength like the eagle.

It would not be out of place concluding that passion was her energizer. Throughout her career as a medical

As it is commonly said, age is just a number and has nothing to do with how you look, how you feel or how you sound…unless YOU decide to be ruled by those figures.

Her flat was covered with sheets of papers and as she collated and stapled them, she spoke excitedly, about starting a Nigerian chapter of the Inter Africa Committee, and of her determination to fight female genital mu-

60

practitioner, she witnessed complications arising from harmful traditional practices and had been motivated to make a case for their elimination.

From time to time, many of our senior female citizens find themselves

in places where they can make a difference. Some might have been lulled into believing that their advice may be of little significance for various reasons.

What they fail to realize is that such efforts produce great results due to the priceless experience that come with age.

I believe that elderly women have to consider how to pass on the expertise gathered over the years, to ensure that younger women don’t fall into the same traps that they set themselves for either knowingly or unknowingly.

Sometimes, only women within certain age brackets, qualify to give specific advice. Who can better advice on how to keep a peaceful home and marriage than a woman who has been married for fifty years?

Even if she got married at 18 or 20, after 50 years she would have attained the age of 68 or 70.

It all comes down to the age advantage and the desire to share knowledge that would be of benefit to others, especially these days when people are so eager to learn about health and proper nutrition.

The old wives’ tales that is said to contain a kernel of wisdom; local treatments for simple ailments; beauty secrets passed from one generation to another and folk tales that teach children values and principles are rapidly slipping away. Only elderly women at community levels, whether educated or not, are the ones who have the privilege to champion these causes for posterity.

I have often wondered why State gemwoman | July/August 2007

rare gems

and Local Governments have not woken up to the huge available resource located within their reach.

By this, I am talking about the huge number of pensioners, retired professionals and business women who have either retired to their original communities or remained in their adopted communities.

Their years of service and expertise should not be allowed to go to waste. Their skills should be effectively utilized for social re-engineering in matters concerning health, industry, commerce and the likes.

Of course, these pensioners would not be averse to a little extra income whose beneficiaries would be on the receiving end of first class information and by so doing, ensuring that citizens of all ages are partners in progress.

These women are not only landlords and land owners, but have educated their children to Masters and Doctorate levels. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that they are in a hurry to hand over to the next generation or equip them with the necessary training for the future.

How do YOU become an agent of change - a Rare Gem - using the age advantage?

Reach out and play an Active Role within your Environment. Give with Enthusiasm of your Major skills and knowledge.

Identifying your strengths and seeking opportunities where they can be utilized, you will discover that the more you give of your time and person, the more fulfilling your life becomes.

Clearly, age is not a barrier when it comes to making positive impact and it doesn’t matter where women find themselves.

Consider the hundreds of women selling at the market places. We like to describe them as petty traders and fail to acknowledge that many of them have honed business skills, which equals those touted by employees of Conglomerates.

These women (in the conglomerates) deal with huge amounts of money on a daily basis and are revered by the companies they represent. You would be surprised to know the average ages of most of these women, some of whom have been with companies like Unilever, Cadburys and Nestle Foods, in the last 35 to 40 years!

Age is of no consequence when you are involved in pleasurable undertakings that are constructive. Soon, you will wonder why you waited so long to make that move.

As it is commonly said, age is just a number and has nothing to do with how you look, how you feel or how you sound…unless YOU decide to be ruled by those figures.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

I urge you to: Reach out and play an Active Role within your Environment.

Give Enthusiastically of your Major skills and knowledge.

Do you know a RARE Gem? Please send details to the editor at editorial@ gemwoman.com

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Nest egg for

Sunset

by Alero Mobola Adollo

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T

fiscal fitness

he world employs currency to build dreams and give wings to their ideas. Our early years are times when our dreams move with the wind and find their place at the feet of the Supreme, waiting for instructions.

Wealth creating channels: • Private Equity: Investment in unquoted companies.

There are good private companies we can invest in by buying shares though they are not quoted i.e. MTN, Celtel

• Capital Market Investment: These are quoted shares traded on the floor of the stock exchange. Bank shares fall under this category though not exclusively i.e. First Bank PLC, Sterling Bank PLC, etc.

• Mutual Funds: These are Funds pooled together from various sources for investment purposes, usually managed by an investment company.

Examples of Investment companies are IBTC Equity Fund and ARM Discovery Fund. The return is very high, if left for a number of years.

• Fixed Income Instruments: I. Bonds They are debt instrument issued by companies to raise capital payable over a period of five years.

The return on investment is high.

II. Fixed Deposit These are interest earning term deposits. It could be 30, 60 or 90 days and you can roll over as your deposits fall due.

• Real Estate: Purchase of property. The real estate market though capital intensive, has a very high return on investment.

I believe all God’s children need to put on their thinking caps so that the wisdom which is accrued to us over the years will birth in the evening of our lives a nest egg filled with gold, to cushion our lives when our bones become brittle.

There is a need, after having worked for a lifetime, to have something to show for it at retirement. It will be a shame if we fail to map out an economic master plan to navigate the evening tide.

•

“Never start your day without an agenda or a plan If not, your day simply becomes just an another day“

Picture: gem woman library

The oomph and grit required to succeed is predominant in our consciousness. As we glide along the Milky Way, we draw pictures on our reality; which sometimes suffer the misfortune of being wiped off by the cares of life. The years of our life fly away at the speed of light and when we finally catch up with them, we discover that the sun has set and the night is nigh.

We need to start planning now so as not to get swept into obscurity, by the sands of time. This is the time to build a portfolio of diverse wealth creating instruments.

We may sail on a course we did not chart, to a destination we did not create.

But the Creator has an economic plan which enables His children to excel.

We need wealth creating abilities in our golden years that will cushion our twilight, not an extravagant lifestyle, which may end up pauperising us.

There is a need, after having worked for a lifetime, to have something to show for it at retirement. It will be a shame if we fail to map out an economic master plan to navigate the evening tide. The Scriptures emphasis on the daily expiration of God’s children from a disease called ignorance…

We need to build wealth through creation and create through education, and educate through information…

• gemwoman | July/August 2007

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pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

Have you had a mouth check up lately This is in no way an attempt to do a free biz for dentists, but a regular visit to get our teeth cleaned out, fill in a hole or place a dentition, is the proper thing to do. Yet, there’s a mouth check- up many don’t even seem to be aware of, which never-the-less remains of essence in order to maintain a healthy heart and keep up a good attitude.

What has a mouth check up got to do with heart and attitude?

Check this out!

P mouth - P for Postive An individual with this mouth type speaks good things about life, people, situations, and sees something good

about the future, no matter his or her present condition. It’s a mouth from which blessingss proceed rather than curses. It says pleasant things and gives positive remarks. It makes optimism a watchword and does not spew hot and cold at the same time.

P Mouth Advantage • Positive people enjoy the good results of their words, but those who are treacherous beget violence (Prov 13:2) • Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

• Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction (Prov. 18:20) • Wise speech is rarer and more valuable than gold and rubies (Prov. 21:15) • The godly give good advice, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense (Prov. 11:21) • Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers (Eph. 4:29) N mouth - N for Negative This mouth type is pessimistic; it makes a habit of saying things that are unconstructive, depressing and that often end up hurting people or leaving them in miserable conditions - hardly something to make anyone feel good about him or herself.

N mouth “Mis…advantage” • Your own soul is nourished by your kindness, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel (Prov 11:17) C Mouth - C for Complaining This mouth is usually bad tempered and ill-mannered; it is very irritable, argumentative, never contented, and difficult to relate with. The C mouth feels disgruntled always, when things don’t turn out to his or her advantage.

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It is impatient about life situations, and worries about everything and anything.

The C mouth also shares something in common with the nagging mouth C - Mouth Misfortune A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day, trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands (Prov. 27:15) • A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted (Prov. 12:16) Double sided mouth - DS mouth This mouth can be termed a gossip, cheeky and a flatterer. It will say something good about someone and almost immediately passes unfair comments about the same person behind his or her back.

This mouth is particularly, sarcastic and cynical. The DS mouth is a people pleaser and will say things to make people happy even when it doesn’t mean it.

DS Mouth Misfortunes People with hate in their hearts may sound pleasant enough, but don’t believe them. Though they pretend to be kind, their hearts are full of evil, while their hatred may be concealed by trickery, it will finally come to light for all to see (Prov 27:24) • The Lord hates those who don’t keep their words, but he delights in those who do (Prov. 12:22) Key words to ponder • Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life (Prov. 21:21) • If you keep your mouth shut you will stay out of trouble (Prov. 21:23) • Those who control their tongue will have a long life, a quick retort can ruin everything (Prov. 13:3)

gemwoman | July/August 2007

pebbles selbbep ollodA edniheby K yKehinde b Adollo

1. Give your life to Christ!

2. Get committed to the of things God, save the world and earn yourself some crowns by winning souls.

3. Identify your God-given talents and spell out your dreams - pursue and achieve it.

4. Sponsor someone or support a family in need.

5. Give, Give, Give! Especially, to projects that are changing society for good.

6. Reconcile with people that you have hurt and those who hurt you.

7. Save up for an exotic holiday cruise - could be alone, with friends or family 8. See the sunrise!

9. Spoil and pamper yourself - lately, I have been in the mood for some grilled salmon with herbs; cream source over mixed vegetables with baked potatoes, and a glass of fresh pineapple and mango juice… yummy and refreshing don’t you think!

10. Take a picture and get an autograph of someone you admire or emulate - it may be an important person you’ve always dreamt of meeting…

Oops! Don’t forget to get it framed.

Bad attitude!

20 Ways to know if you’ve got it…

1. Do you make fun of others and look down on people because of how they look, speak or what they wear?

2. Do you judges others based on their past, forgetting where God brought you from?

3. Are you someone who never feels confident enough to introduce your family to friends because you think they don’t measure up to their standards?

4. Do you pass nasty or resentful remarks at others?

5. Are you someone that rarely pays compliments to others?

6. Do you find it difficult to say sorry or thank you?

7. Are you someone who finds great joy in talking about others?

8. Do you snub others because you don’t want to get too familiar?

9. Do you make a habit of spreading foul mood whenever you are unhappy or upset?

10. Are you nosy about other people’s private lives?

•

Arrogance is destructive Even when you get to the top It will certainly not allow you remain there for long.

•

11. Are you rude, sarcastic, and brash when addressing others and never consider being polite?

12. Do you enjoy sowing a seed of discord among friends and associates?

13. Do you find joy in the mistakes and downfall of others?

14. Do you find it difficult to encourage others and express appreciation to those who deserve it?

of help to those in need because you cannot be bothered?

16. Do you offer help and assistance only because of what you stand to benefit?

17. Are you someone that has no respect for age?

18. Do you make a habit of spreading gossips and cannot keep a secret?

19. Do you enjoy bullying others and being unnecessarily domineering?

20. Do you take people for granted?

Ending words The saying, ‘your attitude determines your altitude...’ is almost a cliché but it remains a cold fact that we must live with, particularly, now that good attitude and manners are being considered a thing of old.

You just must adopt the attitude of giving a damn where the attitude of not giving a damn, is becoming a norm!

Erich Hoffer says, rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength The great secret is not having a bad attitude or good attitude but having the same attitude to all souls…which is a good, kind and contrite spirit that will love others without prejudice, yes, it hard, its very tough…. ask for His grace.

Last Line I write this as I listen to ‘God is the mender of broken hearts’, by Fred Hammond, one of my favorite gospel contemporary singers. The lyrics say He will heal, fix, mend, make whole whatever is broken … if your attitude is a by product of the blows life has dealt you, just give it all to Jesus. He has been where you are and knows the Way out.

15. Are you someone who refuses to be

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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10 things to do before going yonder

feminique

War of the ages!

by Ochee Bamgboye

I

t has been over 70 years since the West got fixated on sex promotion and racial equality.

Scores of anti-discriminatory and affirmative movements have generated enough legislation to more or less, outlaw overt practices. But just when activists may believe it was time to put down their demonstration placards, a new type of discrimination reared its ugly head.

The Menace of Ageism In October 2006, the UK government enacted a law banning age discrimination in the workplace. A new legislation in the UK is usually a safe prediction of the extent to which an issue has become a social menace.

Ageism is a growing global menace!

Ageism is a negative bias against a person or group of people on grounds of age. It includes attitudes and actions that relegate a person or group of people solely on account of their age.

Ageism can take different forms but the age discrimination legislation primarily concerns the aged.

secret that most people knock down their ages to remain within the employable age bracket.

When I consider our prevalent cultural attitudes towards the aged, I wonder whether we will ever reach the point of making laws to protect the older generation. So what’s this all leading to?

Our rich African culture and traditional views is set on an idealized construct that age symbolizes strength, character, wisdom and nobility.

Gerontocracy There are adult attitudes that are prevalent in our culture - adultism discrimination against those who are young. Adultist attitude takes this form – stereotypical and generalized views - that young adults are usually immature, violent and rebellious. There are therefore, possibilities of excessive nurturing, possessiveness and undue restraint, associated with this attitudinal behaviour. gerontocracy - government by the aged is fast replacing democracy as most of the ‘young’ elects in the last polls rode on the back of either a biological father or a godfather( mother) to their posts. Our educational system also bears hallmarks of cultural adultism.

Our rich African culture and traditional views is set on an idealized construct that age symbolizes strength, character, wisdom and nobility. It also connotes the need not only to nurture young people into the position of strength and nobility, but to be endorsed by older associates or rela-

So what has all this got to do with us back home in Nigeria? How does age discrimination affect us? You may ask, since it appears to be one of those Eurocentric issues that have little or no relevance within our borders.

To say that discrimination does not occur in Nigeria would be akin to burying our head in the sand. It is an open 66

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feminique

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Adultist attitudes do have its advantages since it promotes positive and strong caring attitudes towards the elderly, a virtue which is on a fast decline with increasing Western modernisation,...

When her husband returned with the tin of milk, she watched helplessly as her 33-year-old husband cowered in fear as his mother gave him a vicious tongue lashing for not heeding her advice. These are extreme cases but a reference point for evaluating our cultural attitudes.

Adultist attitudes do have its advantages since it promotes positive and strong caring attitudes towards the elderly, a virtue which is on a fast decline with increasing Western modernisation, culminating in the general view that aged parents are a liability that should be locked away in an old people’s home.

The sheer thought of being banished to an old people’s home has caused many aging Nigerians in the Diaspora to scuttle back home to enjoy their retirement in a society where the aged are treated with respect and reverence.

The West is, today, inundated with social problems stemming from an inability to supervise the youths. The last 10 years has been spent quenching fires caused by unfettered exercise of Child Protection Legislations. Most interventionist policies and support projects are no doubt doing well in the fight for the rights of children but also tend towards extreme cases.

While we may not want to swing the pendulum in the direction of the West, there is the need to re-evaluate our stereotypical views on age par-

ticularly as it concerns young adults between the age of 18 and 35. We also cannot ignore the threat that extreme forms of adultism poses. We must create awareness on the problems that could emanate from this practice. Extreme veneration of the aged and fear of inclusion of youth can lead to negative self image, frustration and prolonged dependability among young adults.

There is a growing concern amongst Human Resources practitioners and recruitment agencies about the widening skill gap between young adults and their older counterparts.

Extreme adultism can lead to a legitimate arrangement of power relationships between the young and the old that represses development potential and quashes crucial life skills in young adults.

We also risk over-nurturing of the younger generation to the point where they lack basic employability skills such as decision making, assertiveness, initiative and confidence.

Discrimination against the young or old must be shunned as we have increasingly witnessed the harmful effects of a failure to take the welfare of youths into consideration as the case in the Niger Delta, and the street urchins.

We must attempt to find a balance so that we do not further widen the generation gap or increase the rate of economic impotency among our youths in addition to other social concerns.

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tives. While this belief is not a problem in itself, it is, however, necessary to consider the social projections of this worthy traditional viewpoint.

Cultural adultism, tends towards a misconception that the youth are volatile and unstable. This belief, can lead to organized and systematic procedures that serve as mechanisms to leverage and perpetuate youth discrimination within the society. This is not new or peculiar to our culture, as examples abound in the Scriptures of several individuals who were disdained because of their youthfulness, but whom God put to great use having by -passed the ‘old’ folks, need I mention Samuel, David, Gideon, Joshua, and Timothy as references to those strict adherents of cultural adultism?

Recently, I was shocked when my twenty-something-year-old work mate lamented about her predicament. She wanted to get a place of her own but said her father would not even consider it. She was under strict instructions to remain in her uncle’s overcrowded house where she shares a room with two of her male cousins of the same age groups!

I encountered another lady who chauffeurs her twenty-year-old undergraduate son, within the Lagos Metropolis. When I asked why her son was not doing the driving she told me frankly that, he was too young to drive.

Another friend of mine recalled an occasion when she asked her husband to buy a particular brand of baby milk for their new born. She said her motherin-law overheard their conversation and advised that he buys the brand with which she fed him when he was a baby, which she considered better than the rest. The nursing mother did not want to change brands at that point, so when her mother-in-law was out of earshot she insisted on the preferred brand.

apples of gold

WEEK 1

July/August DAY 3

DAY 1 You are a success walking on two legs!

For a child of God, every place is a good place.

WEEK 2

DAY 2 DAY 8

DAY 10 Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are. Help us to spend them as we should.

In everything you do, put God first.

Then, He will crown your efforts with success.

WEEK 3

DAY 9 DAY 17

DAY 15 May you be found as a woman after God’s own heart.

Being dependent on God is not a sign of weakness but of strength.

No matter how bad things are, some are praying to be just like you.

WEEK 5

WEEK 4

DAY 16 DAY 22

DAY 24

God is not restricted by time or space. He can reach you wherever you are.

It is not impossible for God Getting older should make you ponder on the to do; so stop worrying. goodness of God; not everyone is where you are now.

DAY 23 DAY 28

What you think about yourself goes a long way in what you make of your self. So think big!

DAY 29 68

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DAY 5 Growing old has its challenges but believe Him, you were born to overcome.

He calls even the aged; you are not too old to be used by God.

DAY 4 DAY 12 Turn your back on evil; Wisdom gives a long, then you will be given good life, riches, honour, renewed health and vitality. pleasure and peace.

DAY 7 The lilies of the valley are always taken care of. Are you not more important than the lilies?

Follow the steps of the Godly instead and stay on the right path for only good men enjoy life to the full.

DAY 6 DAY 13 And God is able to make all grace abound towards you.

DAY 11

DAY 14

DAY 18

DAY 20

It may take time but He always comes through for His children.

It might not seem so but there is a purpose for which you were born into your family.

It is time to wait on God.

DAY 21

DAY 19 DAY 26 Remember how He brought you out of the storms and give thanks.

If it were not for God, where would you be?

Count your milestones in grace not in years.

DAY 25 DAY 30 Be yourself: that’s all the Lord asks of you.

Seasons may change but God remains the same.

DAY 27 Thank God you made it.

DAY 31 gemwoman | July/August 2007

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here’s to health

Staying

by Tony Akinyemi

Young

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred. - Allen”

I

Picture: Lemosh

t is everyone’s desire to live long, but living healthy is another matter. Without the effect of growth hormones, food processing, refining and additives on the food we eat daily, physical maturity comes naturally, with greater prospects for the future.

The book of Genesis establishes the limit of man’s age at 120 years while David (Ps 90:10), laments about man’s inability to live a good life beyond seventy to eighty years, depending on how cautious we have dealt with ourselves. You only need to look around to see the truth of it.

How many 70-year-olds do you know who are without health complications or free from arthritis, hypertension, prostate disorders, cancer, diabetes, strokes and heart conditions?

It is my firm belief that with a good lifestyle, proper diet, a dynamic relationship with God and faith in His promises, we can have a good, healthy, and productive life right up to age 100 and more. It is only a matter of choice.

Dr Margaret Drickamer, Director of Integrated Model of Aging and Geriatric Education at Yale University School of Medicine says, “there is a difference between those who live to be 100 and those who survive to be 100.”

Old age is not toxic nor is it in itself a disease.

Apart from hereditary cases, common diseases that are often blamed on aging turn out to be either caused by poor lifestyle or poor diet- the first a problem of over indulgence and the other a life condition.

When a person takes the wrong kinds of food and drinks, sooner or later, the consequences become evident. Pay-day is always sure.

I cannot agree more with Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke, who admonishes that we ‘mind in the beginning, the things that matter in the end.’

The fact that a person is old does not say he should be in poor health. Our heavenly Father expresses His

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here’s to health desire for us in 3 John 2, ‘I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospereth.’ Living up to a ripe age, makes prosperity worthwhile.

Is it possible to live long without getting old? Yes! Health comes from healthy living, based on healthy choices or habits.

Stress Stress in whatever form, makes people age faster than they should.

Chronically stressed people become almost 10 years older than their age.

Stress can disrupt the body’s digestive system and inhibit the body’s ability to absorb vital nutrients, thus inducing diseases and overage. Young folks in their 30s and early 40s who go through enormous stress develop grey hair and wrinkles prematurely. This may be why some young men prefer ‘skin cut’ nowadays.

Stress is linked to 6 of the leading causes of death in the Western world: heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide.

Sedentary Living An inactive life leads to rapid aging.

Our muscles and bones firm up and grow stronger with constant use and when we ignore exercise, they atrophy or deteriorate.

Six months of exercise can reverse decline in physical condition according to recent study. Exercise enhances aging as every hour of exercise is said to add 2 or 3 hours to our lifespan.

Nutrition When the body signals that cell repair or replacement is needed, growth hormones accomplish this with available nutrients, such as proteins, fats, carbohydrates, water, vitamins, minerals and enzymes to build healthy cells. Where there are not enough nutrients to facilitate this replacement, one of two things happens; the cell is unable to replace itself causing “poverty of flesh” or, the cell is replaced withgemwoman | July/August 2007

out critical elements needed to keep it healthy.

The body replaces millions of cells each day, it is therefore, critical for you to have all of the required nutrients. If you cannot take a balanced diet, take multiple vitamins or mineral supplement every day as a foundation for building healthy cells.

Fruits and vegetables contain antioxidants, which are the best scientific evidence for healthy aging.

Functions of Vitamins Vitamin A - This helps to prevent night blindness and other eye problems. It is essential to a healthy skin, strengthens the immune system, helps to heal gastrointestinal ulcers, and protects against cancer, cold, flu, kidney and bladder infections and infections

Vitamin B-12: Many people lose the ability to fully absorb Vitamin B-12 as they age. B-12 is very difficult for mature adults to metabolize. A sublingual B-12 supplement containing, Vitamin B-12, B-6, & Folic Acid, is recommended as it bypasses the digestive system and goes directly to the bloodstream.

Homocysteine: This has been recognized as a major indicator for common medical conditions especially in aging persons such as heart attack, stroke, cancer, diabetes digestive disorders, neurological and higher likelihood of developing dementia later on in life.

Homocysteine is an amino acid, which the body makes from another amino acid called methionine and when the body does not efficiently convert ho-

Is it possible to live long without getting old? Yes! Health comes from healthy living, based on healthy choices or habits. of the lungs and mucous membrane.

Vitamin A helps in bone and teeth formation and storage of fats.

Vitamin A essentially helps to slow down the aging process. It is estimated that we need 2,500 Units of vitamin A daily for good health.

Vitamin B1 (Thiamine): This helps to convert blood sugar into energy and prevent fatigue. It keeps the nerves in sound health, and promotes easy reproduction. It is also essential to maintaining a healthy heart. Thiamine helps control diabetes, assists in blood formation, carbohydrate metabolism, and production of hydrochloric acid needed in food digestion and good appetite. It also protects the body against degenerating effects associated with aging. A deficiency in this vitamin could result in heart failure.

mocysteine into SAMe and glutathione, which help to prevent depression, arthritis, and liver damage, it increases in the blood, damaging the arteries.

Ask your doctor to write up a requisition for homocysteine. Sublingual supplements vitamins containing B12, B-6, & Folic Acid helps to reduce homocysteine levels in the blood.

Vitamin C: This is a special antioxidant for healthy aging. A Daily in take of Vitamin C extends the lifespan of other antioxidants in the body. It works with other vitamins, minerals, enzymes, protein and collagen to help keep you young and healthy. Sweetened vitamin C is not the same as natural fruits such as oranges, lemon, lime, grapefruit, tangerine, guava etc. continued on page 85 71

pebbles

by Kehinde Adollo

Look good, feel good 1. Identify Positive Attributes that Reflect Your Age The more you think about the positives associated with your age, and can demonstrate these, the more it will help you to believe and sell a strong, confident and upbeat image - young or old. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t - you’re right.”

Ponder on the positive attributes that can accompany your age, and focus on the strengths in it and not your weaknesses. For example age bestows maturity and wisdom, a seasoned personality, focused energy and drive that comes with a much cherished inner peace.

2. Never say you are too young or to old to take certain challenges David was king at age 16yr, Moses led the Israelites at age 77, these are challenging roles and tasks.

3. Never pass judgmental statements on your age Comments like, you know age is not on my side, you know you are still young so you can enjoy life, God has given you life, sound mind and good spirit, to rise and live about ,do not let your age limit your your destiny.

4. Interact with both older and younger people It gives you an idea of different generations, most young people stick with their age groups and older ones vice versa…. Have a diverse mix of age groups as friends. You get a lot of wisdom from the older generation and a lot of energy from the younger generation.

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5. Enjoy your age It’s only a number, not a determination of how far you will go.

Advice about age • Avoid conversations on age, when you meet people especially for the first time, some may take it personal • Never make unfair remarks about another person’s age • Never make people pity your age • Never let your age determine how far you can go in life • Never look down at people’s ages, especially if you have accomplished a lot at your age.

• Every age you reach in life has a purpose, declare good things over your age • Compliment people on their age, especially if they look nice or have done well for their age.

• Read books on both the older and younger generation, don’t be stuck in one age generation, it allows you to be conversant with what people go through at different stages in life Final note: The world sees you by what you do, and not by your age 72

Age Factor The age factor indeed has become a major actor For some, age is meant to be celebrated For others, it is often deliberated Ageless creams fill our world Detox, botox, have become popular words Hmmm….The age factor The rage to be ageless With skin so flawless And a figure as of a goddess Hmmm… the age factor What is the age motto?

It’s an impeccable look lingering on every photo With a great feeling, like you just won the lotto Hmmm.. the age factor Children dance The men stand and glance And we wonder - does our age stand a chance Hmm...The age factor I feel good But sometimes I am in a mood For this age seems to limit my intake of food Hmmm.. the age factor Low cuts, Tight lots Trendy tops, Diet pops Seem to be in the fashion front How do I get fit without being gaunt?

Hmmm… the age factor You are ageless!

Think of yourself as timeless Encrusted as priceless Because you were created to be God’s wonder for the world to see.

Hmmm…My definition of the ageless factor

gemwoman | July/August 2007

pebbles selbbep ollodA edniheby K yKehinde b Adollo

To Be or not to be

W

hen I was born, my parents hoped that I will become a doctor, lawyer or an engineer, but never bothered to ask God what He called me to be… I ask, to be or not to be?

Growing up, I discovered I had a penchant for speech and writing, but was told this is not a lucrative job. I had an option to join the Yahoo! clique and become an instant millionaire…I ask, to be or not to be?

I earn a meager salary, and yet acquired possessions that are over and above my income. I am heavily indebted as result and that give me sleepless nights…

I ask, to be or not to be?

I joined a clique of nouveau riche girls who drive posh cars, carry expensive bags, and speak Queens English like they were personally trained by the Queen. They discuss fashion trends and the next show in Milan but hardly a word about Christ or things that are godly and noble. I plan to save up to buy some shares and do worthwhile things - can I keep up? … I ask, to be or not to be?

I am big and busty, and know for sure that tight-fitting tops don’t suit me, since they make me look like a cake that is about to explode from the baking pan.

Brandishing cleavages is hot on the fashion scene; I buy an array of wonder bras to reveal my good gifts…I ask, to be or not to be?

I can’t get my temper into a cooler, I raise my voice at my nannies and drivers, but become a different person in church or and around my boss or others depending on their status…I ask, to be or not to be?

I change my attitude with every changing season and environment, hoping to gain

gemwoman | July/August 2007

acceptance with those who matter; deep down I am just a simple natured girl who really desires to maintain her own personality... I ask, to be or not to be?

I am nice and caring towards certain kinds of people, and would readily go out of my way to call or visit them when I know I should be looking the way of real people who truly deserve my kindness…

I ask, to be or not to be?

I do cruel things quietly to get money to maintain my lifestyle, forgetting my moral upbringing; how do I tell anyone that I can’t afford to keep up my reputation as a big chic…To be or not to be?

expectations of you.

So, be original Be you!

Be what makes you happy Be different Be what you were born to be …

The Creator, made us all for a reason and even if it was just to make people laugh…Hmm! That’s a million dollar profession...Think about it!

Enjoy being you, life is so short!

I miss the good old days, when we didn’t have to make up for two hours in order to look so…o perfect, like front page models- a little touch up here and there was just fine no matter what’s up...

To be or not to be?

I miss the good old days, when we didn’t have to select friends based on material possession or what we can get from each other; just for the sake of friendship and never with an ulterior motive …To be or not to be?

I miss the good old days when shopping was so enjoyable, and not so rigorous.

Now I take the whole day buying half of what I might never get to use …To be or not to be?

Where do I find real people with real hearts, with whom I can discuss real issues and get workable solutions; I yearn for those who will love me when I am rough, sad, happy, and even when I don’t look it - Because they love what I am inside!

How unfulfilling not living to realise what you were created to be. It is even more unfulfilling to live fulfilling other people’s 73

men of honour

MAN MAN

by Tunji Adeyinka

My Fellow Kings, Leaders of the Clan, the Future of Humanity and Hope for Tomorrow, I hail o! By the time you are reading through this magazine, we should be in the month of July or August depending on the time you grab a copy or get to read from someone who has bought the magazine.

We have done over four months in the year already and I am sure you are beginning to feel some little fatigue, especially, if you have been working flat out from the beginning of the year like some of us.

Remember, no matter what they tell you, every man needs a rest. Forget all those stories about Superman; it exists only in cartoons and movies, not in the real world. Even the once handsome Christopher Reeves, famous for the Superman series, got done in after a fall during a polo game. You are not a Superman!

Authors, Steve and Mary Farrar in their book Overcoming Overloads say, everyone needs a Sabbath, a sanctuary, sustenance, supplication, need to simplify, a sovereign and a Savior. Everyone needs a time out. Take a quick rest and recharge. When you do take that rest, please go away with your Gem and rekindle that fire again.

Yes, my Fellow Kings, nothing keeps a relationship warm like a bit of sunshine- a bit of fire. No matter how old the relationship is, every woman loves that ‘get-away time’. When you want to present it to your Gem, check out her schedule and make it a surprise. When you do go on the vacation, please ensure that you do not take your laptop with you or it will soon become another business trip.

No woman likes to share her time with a piece of metal and plastic. Do not be like the typical African man who takes a leave and spends the whole time running after personal business. Talking about vacations, can you give me an answer to this small puzzle?

Why didn’t King Solomon ever manage to go for a vacation? Of course, he could not make up his mind on which of the 1,000 women to take along. Ha. Ha. Ha! Think about the life of Solomon, he got wisdom from the Almighty and he forgot to apply that wisdom to his relationship with women. You may argue that only such divine wisdom could have helped through such an historic experience of dealing with 1,000 women in a single life time.

No wonder, at the end of the day, the poor man concluded, ‘vanity upon vanity, all is vanity!’

A key lesson from the life of Solomon: One man one woman is not only Biblical it is pragmatic.

Look at the life of Abraham, who remained faithful to his wife Sarah till the grey age of 75 in spite of not having a 74

child until he took in the maid Hagar, by whom he fathered his son, Ishmael.

A few years down the line, Sarah became angry at Hagar’s seeming ‘shakara’ (display of arrogance). The only way to restore peace to her was for Hagar and her child Ishmael to leave the house. Old man Abraham must have been really confused.

‘But Sarah, you persuaded me to have a child through Hagar!’ Abraham must have exclaimed. A key lesson from the life of Abraham: You can never really fully understand women. When you think you know them, then you suddenly realize you really don’t.

You must have heard this story before, but I will tell you again. One day at an event, all the men were asked to stand up while their wives watched. The announcer asked that every man who believes he is in full control of his home or was sure that he makes all the decisions in the home, should please step forward. A certain man stepped forward while all others remained where they were.

The announcer stepped towards the lone man and asked why he stepped forward. Guess what his answer was; ‘My wife told me to step forward’.

Lesson: The man did not make the woman, so he cannot fully know her. He named her, so they do have a long-standing relationship but he will never fully understand her.

My Fellow Kings, the lesson in this story is very simple.

The only way to fully understand your wife is to ask from the manufacturer Himself. I have learnt that it is no use shouting, ranting and complaining about your wife when things are not heading the right way. All you need to do is go down on your knees and ask God to take control. I have seen men make all the noise about being the head of the home and shouting at the top of their voices to make themselves heard.

‘I am in charge. I am the head of this home. Are you contesting my headship with me?’ They say. Think about it, if you are really in charge, do you need to shout about it? Trust me, by the time you shout ‘I am in charge’, fifty times, the value of your charge is diminished. A General does not have to scream out his rank each time he has an argument.

Final lesson: Ask God to give you everything that you need to be a real man and to have a successful relationship with your wife. Stop trying so hard to exert control, hand it over to the one who made everything and watch him sort it out.

One more thing; give your Gem some space to shine - it can only get better with the years. gemwoman | July/August 2007

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Nigeria: Block 19, Flat 4, Lola Holloway Street, Omole Phase I, Lagos.

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we’ve got male

A

gentle man in his late 70’s, who has been married for over three decades voiced a common impression about “woman” nature when he said, ‘I have just come to realise that there is still so much I am yet to learn about my wife,’ due to a shocking discovery he made about his spouse a few days earlier.

Is it true that a man never fully knows what his woman is capable of?

May be that explains why John Gray, expert in Communications and relationships, fastidiously titled his best selling book, ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus (Harper Collins 1992).’

Could this really be all that there is to the matter of male and female behaviour? Is it indeed a case of the North and South poles that never meet?

Everyone who desires a thriving relationship must understand that the male and the female are intricately different in constitution, physiology and psyche, and these facts must be put into consideration when dealing with matters of the opposite sex. It is certainly not a case of “no agreement today, and no agreement tomorrow,” as the late Afro beat maestro succinctly puts it.

The gender differences do not make either of the two, more superior to the other. They are simply traits that determine behavioural patterns. It is our response to these behaviours that counts depending on our understanding of the opposite.

In physics we are told that opposite poles attract while like poles repel. For human beings, a man tends to admire what he either likes or lacks.

It is only natural for a quite individual to feel fascinated by, and consequently, attracted to a quiet female or vice versa. The inquisition inherent in man (male or female) makes him/ her in a weak position against something he does not have capacity for (I stand to be corrected).

When there is an attraction between opposite sex, the gender com78

Handling the Opposite

by Victor Adeyemi

pliment each other as one’s weakness becomes the area of strength for the other.

If well managed, a harmonious symbiosis could result in a case in which both individuals immediately achieve a symphony.

Couples in marriage must learn to turn their attention from things they can barely tolerate areas of strength that can be celebrated, to appreciate the other party. These areas of strength must be highlighted so much so that the weaknesses become less significant.

When this has been successfully carried out, a time comes when mutual understanding is achieved effortlessly

and acceptance replaces what was previously termed unbearable. It also creates a willingness to learn the love language, which refers to what an individual perceives or interprets to mean love. This is relative since it differs from one individual to another.

A lady may prefer to receive gifts as an expression of love from her partner, while another may see gifts as being unduly materialistic and instead, appreciate the attention and time her man spends with her than anything else in the whole world!

It really depends on what condition the woman finds herself.

The same goes for the man. The need for affirmation is probably the gemwoman | July/August 2007

we’ve got male Whenever, you are at a loss as to how to handle your opposite, remember, that the Holy Spirit is there as a helper and teacher.

most essential requirement for most men because of their psychological make-up.

The man feels a general need to be in-charge and get applauded for decisions he takes, while at it.

Others may appreciate gifts, depending on their unique experiences in life, backgrounds, exposure, values and ideals.

Either way, both genders are unique in their individual ways. Every relationship can work if opposites are well handled.

God the author of relationships, said of man, your thoughts are different from my thoughts as far as the heaven is from the earth. Yet, He has gemwoman | July/August 2007

been able to maintain an ultimate union with man.

If the Divine could achieve perfect union with mortals, the gap between mortals can be bridged. It means it is possible for us to handle opposites in the right manner, no matter how badly the relationship has deteriorated.

The wisest and surest way to achieve this is to invite The Lord Himself having fulfilled all human conditions, which is, to accept, appreciate, and celebrate the uniqueness of the other gender. The God factor becomes necessary in playing down the weaknesses and building on the good side.

Opposites are not in themselves bad; imagine how monotonous and

boring the life will be if we were all alike. It would be such a predictable world if your partner, friend or male and female child behaved just the way you expect them to.

Don’t be deceived, no one can lay claims to being a self-made man because someone assisted him, taught him, advised him or gave him that life changing opportunity along the way, to prove himself.

From the cradle to the grave, we need opposites to bring a balance into our lives and make us healthy individuals. Nature’s opposite creates a balance for our world. The water cycle is responsible for what we know as the atmosphere. That which we exhale is what plants inhale. The interdependence in nature is endless and man finds his place at the centre of it all.

Whatever he lacks is locked up in his mate somewhere.

Man was put to sleep while the woman was being created so, men are right when they say they know very little about women.

Woman was God’s initiative to man’s lonely state, for He said, it is not good for man to be alone.

God, knowing the frame of the woman He created commands that man should deal with her according to knowledge even as Christ deals with His bride, the church.

Whenever, you are at a loss as to how to handle your opposite, remember, that the Holy Spirit is there as a helper and teacher.

Both genders need understanding in dealing with one another in other to be all that God has called them to be.

79

real issues

by Bola Olawale

Time to Count

D

riving down the Lagos third mainland bridge in the early morning traffic that seems to go on forever, Bimpe already drenched in her own sweat, was caught up in one of those usual moods that left her wishing for a different kind of life.

A white sleek Benz pulled up beside her and kept pace with her old Datsun for a few minutes and soon she caught herself admiring the middle aged woman sitting lazily at the corner of the chauffer ridden car trying to catch a quick nap before the early morning meetings.

There was something familiar about her and taking a closer look she realised it was her room mate in the University, Rita. Cringing into the car seat, Bimpe prayed she would not be seen in her old Datsun whose exhaust left a trail of smoke.

As the car gained speed and sped past her, she heaved a sigh of relief. Yet, the experience aroused in her a metaphor on the imbalances of life so vividly captured by the several cars that now raced past her which appeared to relish the extra distance they gained over her rickety Datsun.

How come everyone seems to be passing her by why her life crawled slowly behind? She couldn’t shake the feeling off her all day and she had barely walked into her apartment when she burst into tears, sobbing profusely against her husband’s comforting chest as he cradled her closely, unsure of

what may have caused her such great pain.

She told him about her former room mate whom she saw in traffic that morning and another friend who sent her a text the day before to share the news of her new appointment as company secretary in to a leading bank, while she has remained on the same job for years without promotion for no particular reason.

Two promotions have passed her by that placed younger staff above her and going to work has become an unpleasant experience.

Her husband in his gentle manner began to recount the number of years they have been married - very happily - with 3 beautiful children, two of which were now in the university on scholarship and never a case of admission in hospital.

Yes, they lived in a moderate 2 bedroom apartment in the suburbs of Lagos; Yes, they had to jump start their cars at times when setting out in the morning, but she had a very healthy life, with friends and families that loved her dearly. What more, she had the joy of knowing Christ with the peace that comes with it.

He made her count the good things of life and by the time she noted a considerable number, she added rather vibrantly, ‘you forgot to add, a fantastic and caring husband’.

So when next you feel that life is passing you by, know it’s time to count.

Someone to talk to

A

s an only child, Eileen grew up to see in her parents all that she could ever need in life. They were her role models, and an example of what every parent should be. With a fast start and great opportunities she had attended some of the best schools in town where she court the friendship of the privilege few.

She was married to a prince charming, and had two brilliant kids. Being so bright and beautiful herself, she felt accomplished, deciding she could not have asked for a better life. Having learnt from her parents that hard work pays, she cared very little for those who were not doing well, concluding that they were simply lazy.

After returning from work one raining evening, she got a phone call and the news, which all but shattered her life. Her father and mother had been involved in an accident along the Lagos-Ibadan Express way, on their way from a business trip. They both died in the accident. This couldn’t be happening she thought. She lived a fairy-tale life and never had any reason to think something so terrible could happen to threaten her fragile world, without giving her enough notice to prepare.

80

Upon the death of her parents, she realised they left her virtually nothing having spent all they had to give her the best of life.

As if that was not enough, the bank where she had substantial amount, was closed down two weeks later, while her husband called with the news that the house in which they lived had been on mortgage and they had to move out in a few months. They could only keep one car and now her regular trips to the UK will have to stop.

It was then she remembered the Anns and Topes she had snubbed when they called on her for help. Now the tables were turned, to whom could she turn? She felt so sapped and alone. That evening as she sat alone in the sitting room pondering on the life that lay ahead, her eyes caught a tract her cousin dropped for her a few days back. Written in bold were the words, SOMEONE TO TALK TO! She read through the tract and had an encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ.

A few months after, as she stood at the entrance of the church welcoming ushering men and women to their seats, she felt a new sense of purpose, living to affect others. gemwoman | July/August 2007

movies & music

CECE WINANS The gospel music maestro exhibits her great potentials yet again in lyrical verses that reveal eternal relevance.

In this 13 track album, “Purified” the latest till date, CeCe Winans with a blend of contemporary songs and slow ballads, in creating essence for your moments and purity to your soul.

Simply move to the groove and soothe your heart. Go Cece! Go Cece!!

The Perfect Stranger Do you really

told me once that she visits the grave-side to be reminded of where her final assignment is when she is through with her life assignments. Sounds eerie, but it sure helps her keep herself in tune. The Mark Unleashed brings to you the reality of the end time.

The thriller film directed

by Kevin Downes starring Steven Baldwin, Sung Hi Lee and Eric Roberts among others is a prelude to Armageddon; in it rules a vicious dictator who makes the “holy implant (mark of the beast)”, the access card to everyday need and supply. Feeling frustrated in your Christian work and considering the option of backsliding? Get a grip with The Mark Unleashed!

mean a date with Jesus?

My, oh my! I’ll surely be in my Oscar de Larenta dress, Fendi shoes ‘n’ bag, leaving a scent of Elizabeth Arden’s “white diamond” on my trail. No point proving hard to get! It’s His Majesty Jesus, we are talking about here. What will you do if you were to have a date with Jesus? This film provides interesting answers to life questions especially in the area of faith. It features Pamela Brumley, who acts as Nikki Cominsky, a successful Attorney flustered by her imperfections. She gets invited on an outing with Jefferson Moore (Jesus) which turns out to be an unforgettable experience. It is mind buzzing.

What will you do if you were to have a date with Jesus? This film provides interesting answers to life questions especially in the area of faith.

DORINDA CLARKE-COLE Best Gospel Grammy award winner, DCC is a woman with a passion for the Master- Jesus!

She is just as beautiful as she sings. The 12 track album is timeless and gives you that godly feeling with tracks like, ‘If it had not been for the Lord’, ‘I’m coming out’, ‘You can’t take my joy’, ‘Show me the way’, to make your day!

Praise Team High praise 1, a praise album by the Praise Even babies in the womb would leap for joy, be sure at the praise of Jehovah.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

team of R.C.C.G is an array of Nigerian tongues in a mix of traditional and contemporary tune. Fantastic instrumentation and quality voices that make you move your body. Even babies in the womb would leap for joy, be sure at the praise of Jehovah. Hallelujah!!!

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Music

Feeling frustrated in your Christian work and considering the option of backsliding? Get a grip with The Mark Unleashed!

SIX: The Mark Unleashed A friend

Movies

by Kemi Ajumobi

between the covers AUTHOR: Max Lucado TITLE: HE STILL MOVES STONES PUBLISHER: Thomas Nelson (1999) PAGES: 240 REVIEWER: Bisi Ibitayo About the Author Max Lucado is an accomplished storyteller; a master of poetic prose. He is a thoughtful and insightful observer and with a string of best-selling classics to his name, which include ‘Just Like Jesus,’ ‘The Great House Of God,’ ‘A Gentle Thunder,’ ‘When God Whispers Your Name’, and ‘In The Grip Of His Grace’. The last two were recently named, Gold Medallion Book of the Year.

Lucado is the Senior minister at the Oak Hills Church. He lives in San Antonio, Texas,

with his wife and three daughters.

The Book He Still Moves Stones,was my first Max Lucado book. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t put it down until I was through.

It took me a day and the entire night.

He Still Moves Stones, brings to life Bible stories, so powerfully that you are made to relate with the characters as if they are ordinary folks you know. It also calls to mind the similarities of Biblical times and our present situation today, with answers to nagging questions and an assurance of hope for life’s despair.

‘The same God who spoke to Moses in the burning bush is still speaking to you; God who forgave David still offers us forgiveness; God who delivered Joseph from adversity is there to deliver you.’

Lucado, in this book, lives up to his reputation as the master story teller guided by the Holy Spirit because you feel God’s hands very strongly.

Writing in simple language that makes for easy reading, Max Lucado provides insight through his narration by the leading of the Holy Spirit. The beauty of chosen words and clarity of thought makes it a wonderful read.

Not only do we see a magnificent God who offers hope to the despondent, and succour for broken hearts, there is an assurance that everything about you is important to God. The author, through the book opens your mind to the fact that God is not silent He still works in the lives of

men.

When the stones of life are too big for you, God steps in to move the Stones.

The book covers the following; overcoming shame for past behavior, rising above disappointments and discouragement, dealing with bad attitude, building bridges with difficult relatives, genuine gestures of faith, how to love growing old…

Lucado writes, “Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.

Faith is the belief that God will do what is right.”

On ageing, a subject many would rather not talk about, Lucado says, “Try as we might, the calendar pages will still turn, the clocks tick and the bodies grow older”.

He notes that, “Just because you’re near the top of the hill doesn’t mean you’ve passed you peak” “Your last chapters can be your best”, he says.

Trust me, this is a book for you, those you love and those you should love.

‘The same God who spoke to Moses in the burning bush is still speaking to you; God who forgave David still offers us forgiveness; God who delivered Joseph from adversity is there to deliver you.’

Wisdom Quote on Reading The Christian who is not growing intellectually is like a book whose many pages remain unopened and unread like the book, he may be of some value, but not nearly as much as if he had chosen to sharpen and develop his mind.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

between the covers Top 5 Must Read 1. My Spiritual Inheritance

by Juanita Bynum 2. Why we want you to be Rich

by Donald J. Trump & Robert T. Kiyosaki 3. The Scarlet Thread

by Francine Rivers 4. Seven things that steal your joy

by Joyce Meyer 5. Ordering your private world

by Gordon Macdonald

AUTHOR: Karen Kingsbury TITLE: EVEN NOW PUBLISHER: Zondervan (2005) PAGES: 356 REVIEWER: Bisi Ibitayo

interferences and that even in very bad situations, God is still at work. He is always waiting to forgive and bestow ultimately a peace that passes all understanding.

About The Author Karen Kingsbury has written over thirty books, including ‘One Tuesday Morning,’ ‘Beyond Tuesday Morning’, and other bestsellers, one of which was adapted for a CBS Movie-of-theWeek.

She is one of America’s favorite inspirational authors, with more than two million copies of her books in print.

Karen lives in Washington State with her husband, Don, and six children, three of whom are adopted from Haiti.

The Book If you were a lover of romantic novels like Mills and Boon, Daniel Steel, Barbara Cartland, before you became a Christian, Kingsbury’s title will help you relax after a hard day’s work.

It would also provide great appeal to younger readers.

‘Even Now,’ is an excellent read on a day you want to curl up with a good book. It is full of suspense.

The novel teaches us that God can work in spite of human errors and

gemwoman | July/August 2007

Jesus shines through Kingsbury’s book to her readers as it deals with the realities of life, and helps us to see ourselves and how our actions can affect the rest of our lives.

As parents, we see the consequences of our endless plots, and efforts to manipulate the lives of our children and also the consequences of sex outside marriage. As youths, friends and relatives, we are made to see that the love and friendship we profess is not tested and proved until such relationships are faced with challenges.

The emotional undercurrent is overwhelming, as my heart ached for the characters, who like you and I, struggled with their faith.

Their stories tug at your heartstrings.

While it is common to be given an assurance that “God will work out your situation,” ‘Even Now’ emphasizes that it may not necessarily be on your terms or in your time- God makes all things beautiful in His time.

The writer assures that even when events spin out of control, a life saving relationship with Christ is our only guarantee to a lasting peace.

‘Even Now,’ is an excellent read on a day you want to curl up with a good book.

It is full of suspense.

83

affectionately yours Love affair of a lifetime continued from page 16

success of my marriage and though we have some challenges along the way, the enemy never succeeded in penetrating my home.”

Mrs. I “Initially, my husband felt shy about sharing very personal issues with me.

It put me at a distance and that hurt.

I kept putting my best into the relationship, praying and waiting patiently for a change just as my mother had taught me. At last! My story changed. The success of our marriage, my happiness and well-being suddenly became important to him.”

Mrs. J “I did whatever I could to make life more enjoyable for my spouse. I think it is pertinent to be concerned about your spouse’s self –confidence. Respond to him physically in love making and by helping to establish or maintain the home, which sometimes may include financial assistance. I believe I got extra love from my husband for taking good care of the home front.

Mrs. K “Every man would love to be encouraged in all activities he gets involved in. A lot of women now watch football because of their spouses. By sharing common interests, you can easily win his heart on a matter, get his attention and spend quality time together. Many great men attribute their success to the support or significant role played by their wives and this strengthens their relationships.”

Mrs. L “Going out together and taking regular vacations can help make marriages become more interesting. My husband and I enjoy each other’s company greatly. We never slept in different rooms except when one of us was away and we have made Christ the centre of our marriage and lives.”

“How do you catch fun as a couple?

For many couples the idea of catching fun is zero and their lives are purely a matter of daily routine.

Find things you can do together to create fun. Variety they say, is the spice of life, be creative and ready to spring up 84

wonderful surprises from time to time.

Special events such as birthdays, promotions, Christmas anniversary and so on should be celebrated. The plans should not be left to an individual; take turns choosing where and how you would like to spend your time together.

Do nothing out of selfishness and or personal interest, but for the good of all.”

Mrs. M “In proverbs 17:22, the Bible says, a joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Taking life too seriously can suck the air out of you. So, lighten up your marital relationship with humor, laughter and smiles.”

our relationship, if it is to survive.”

Young couples are facing numerous challenges today. While many try to catch up with their daily schedules at neck-braking speed, they get very little or no time to sort out the home front, which remains crucial to mental and physical health.

Sometimes, the only way couples get to know what is happening to their spouse is when there is a problem and it’s almost too late. This is why it is necessary to emphasis the need for couples to spend quality time together, and time management is of essence.

Very few families ever get to eat dinner together these days. Couples make

it is necessary to emphasis the need for couples to spend quality time together, and time management is of essence.

Mrs. N “Despite the challenges we faced at some point in our marriage, divorce or separation was never an option for consideration. Our minds were set on the fact that marriage is meant to last forever and so, we weathered the storm with prayers and patience. Sadly, many young couples now opt for separation or divorce when faced with marital challenges. The incidence of unfaithfulness in marriages today is alarming, as couples work far from each other all day, and begin to get attached to co-workers.

In many cases this has resulted in marital disaster. We must invest time into

plans that they hardly get to execute properly because daddy and mummy are never around to see to them. Given these pressures, how do marriages survive the test of time? You can decide to do something about yours now, so that you will not have to entertain any regret in the years ahead.

The wisdom and the counsel of older couples are worth pondering upon. Their counsel is a sure and sufficient guide to a love affair of a lifetime.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

here’s to health Staying young continued from page 71

Enzymes: They help to hasten up the process of healing and may bring about diseases and aging if deficient.

Those who eat 100% cooked foods all the time, age faster than those who eat raw foods (living foods) along with cooked foods (dead foods). A livingfoods diet with regular exercise, selfdiscipline, and faith in God, provides great health benefits.

Vegetables: A new study shows that eating vegetables protects brain function in aging adults. Those who consumed greater than 2.8 servings of vegetables per day have significantly slower rates of mental decline than those who eat fewer servings.

Healthy fats: This should be included in daily diets as part of the nutrients base needed for healthy aging as they ensure healthy cells and good hormones. “Bad fats,” in diet can lead to inflammation, imbalanced hormones and unhealthy cells. The brain is mostly made up of fat.

Sugar: High blood insulin values (hyper-insulemia) often results when an individual abuses refined sugar over a long period of time. Early discovery of high insulin values (through a blood test) could be a wake-up call to the pre-Type-2 diabetic to institute restriction of refined sugar and saturated animal fat reversing an impending diabetic state in 90% of persons.

The consumption of foods and beverages high in sugar content is associated with the prevalence of PMS and premature aging. gemwoman | July/August 2007

Salt: A recent report on food and nutrition lists hypertension, cardiovascular and kidney diseases as the major adverse effects of a toxic or excessive salt (sodium) intake. The report also notes evidence linking the toxic amount of salt in the diet to atrophic gastritis and stomach cancer, as well as increased calcium loss in the urine, which contributes to kidney stone formation and osteoporosis especially in older people since the toxicity of salt increases at that level. The more salt a person eats the higher their blood pressure will likely go over time.

WOMEN AND AGING Women have peculiar health challenges because of their unique physiology which varies with age. The workings of the reproductive cycle in a woman gives rise to a number of special health concerns and care must be taken to eat proper diet and take food supplements to replace loss of nutrients.

HEALTHY AGING TIPS Ideal Body Weight It is important to maintain an appropriate body weight for one’s height and bones. High blood pressure, clogged arteries, and fatigue are commonly associated with excess body weight.

Sleep Therapy Insomnia is a common complaint among many adults. Good sleep slows the aging process, boosts the immune system, reduces stress and improves brain function. Insufficient sleep can lead to a poor mood, lack of energy, and poor immunity against illnesses.

The peace of God brings about good sleep and takes away worry.

Laughter Therapy “No one is as old as those who have outlived enthusiasm” - Henry David Thoreau Be happy! Otherwise, you age rapidly. The Bible clearly states that ‘Being cheerful keeps you healthy. It is slow

Picture: Lemosh

Vitamin E (Tocopherol): It is an antioxidant that helps to prevent cancer, neurological, and cardiovascular disorders and helps in tissue repair.

It relieves premenstrual syndrome (PMS), high blood pressure, and leg cramps. It also supports a healthier looking skin and vitalizes the body by dilating millions of tiny blood capillaries. The World Health Organisation says that a lack of vitamin E in diet is a major cause of heart disease.

Eat only as much as you need and fast regularly to maintain spiritual, physical and mental alertness.

death to be gloomy all the time’ (Proverbs 17:22) TEV. *Fasting: Apart from being a spiritual exercise, fasting helps to slow down aging.

Over eating, on the other hand, makes you age faster, a fact that has been scientifically confirmed. Eat less and live longer! It does not mean you should starve. Eat only as much as you need and fast regularly to maintain spiritual, physical and mental alertness. *Avoid destructive habits *Pay attention to proper nutrition *Manage Stress Well *Avoid exposure to toxins *Exercise Regularly BE A TRUE WORSHIPPER! Worship the LORD your God, and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span (Exodus 23:25-26 NIV)

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motivational

Times

and

Seasons

by Omokorede Fasoro

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. - Ecc.3:1

I

t is a clear fact, that women go through different phases, when it comes to the issue of age. It has even been said, that no woman as she grows older ever likes her age being asked, and that it is actually an offence to ask a woman for her age! The interesting thing is that she was never like that before. As a toddler she is eager to tell you her age, the moment you ask her the question…..How old are you? She replies joyfully with a wide smile...‘I am four years old.’ (She even shows you her four little fingers, to make her statement clearer, just in case you have a problem with counting!)

Now, wait until she becomes a teenager, and you ask her for her age. She has no problem telling you, only you can be sure you will not get a sincere reply. A thirteen year old teenager suddenly adds three extra years every year, until she suddenly becomes twenty one almost overnight. She then remains that age for the next couple of years!

Should you press her further for her real age, you hear her say something like…..I’m twenty something……and 86

the conversation ends abruptly, since this is a no go area for her.

The moment she gets married and starts having children, you commit a crime by asking her for her age. She only tells you when she is marking her birthday that she is a year older...

Period! As she progresses, she then enters another phase when she begins to mark and probably celebrate the special birthdays...such as 40th, 50th, 60th etc. It is now okay for everyone to know her real age!

I have always wondered why women have problems telling their real age. Is it the fear of being seen as too young or too old? Could it be the fear of being seen by people as not having achieved enough for the particular age they really have attained? Many times, we have had dreams of achieving certain milestones in life before attaining a particular age. I have heard people say things like…. By the time I am 30 years old, I want to have been married, and have had two children; By the time I am 40 years, I want to be a millionaire, have built my own house and own my own business; By the time I am 60 years, I want to have had at least five

grandchildren...The list could go on and on.

It appears that society too places certain pressures on us to have some expectations for every stage of our lives. There are certain things, which if one has not achieved at certain periods of one’s lives, our society concludes that one is a failure. This just leads to frustration and a sense of unfulfilment in the hearts of those concerned.

The good news however, is that God is not moved by our time. He does not view time the way we do, with hours, days months and years.

He deals with us through seasons (Kairos in greek). Time (which is also referred to as ‘chronos’ in the Greek) and that we are used to, talks of duration of time, period, quantity, extent or the length of time. It tells us what day, month, or year it is. On the other hand, Kairos tells us the kind of and the quality of the time. It talks of the proper time, the set and due time and the appointed time for any particular action. This means that God does not necessarily look at the duration of the time we are in, rather He looks at the occurrences that should have taken gemwoman | July/August 2007

motivational

place during this period in accordance with His timing for our lives. The Bible says of the righteous person, …….He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither, and whatever he does, shall prosper. (Ps.1:3) In essence, for a person who has his life properly anchored in Christ, age is of no significance. However, what should matter to him is to determine from God what season of his life he is in. The passage above says the tree as long as it is properly positioned, will produce its fruit at the right season.

Every tree has its own season for fruit production. It is therefore unhealthy for anyone to compare himself with another person. The fact that as a lady you are not married at thirty, despite the fact that all your friends are, does not make you a failure, or that at forty you have not made your first million as a child of God does not make you a failure. Every man/woman has his/her own season.

Moses at the age of forty (when most men should have ‘arrived‘), became a fugitive and entered the wilderness season of his life. From a palace prince likely to be next in line to the throne, he became a shepherd who was working for his father -inlaw! To people around him, he had failed woefully. However, they failed to realize that this wilderness experience was necessary in Moses’ life, to prepare him for the season when he would become a deliverer of Israel from the hands of Pharaoh. He needed to be trained as a real shepherd before God could commit the shepherding of His people into his hands. Do you look back at your life and feel you have failed, because age no longer seems to be on your side. The truth of the matter is, that everyone has his own gemwoman | July/August 2007

seasons in life. There is a time for one to sow and a time to reap. Do not look down on your self, thinking because you have not achieved certain things at a particular age, that it is all over. As a popular preacher always says, …it is not over until it is over…… The prayer of every child of God should be that The Lord will lead him every day of his life in accordance to His seasons for his life. What matters is that you

...God does not necessarily look at the duration of the time we are in, rather He looks at the occurrences that should have taken place during this period in accordance with His timing for our lives.

gather about three young children in an uncompleted building she used to call a school then. She was the laughing stock of the town because those that knew her felt it was all over for her. They were in for a big surprise, because a few years after, it grew to become the biggest private school in that town with close to one thousand children! She went on to also start a secondary school as well, which is doing extremely well to the glory of God. It was obvious, that according to God’s kairos’ of her life, she entered her season of fruitfulness at the age of fifty. Every other time before then , was her time of sowing, which she had done dilligently.

Dear friend, do you sense that you are in the sowing season of your life?

Please do it wholeheartedly, joyfully and with great expectation, knowing that whatever a man sows is exactly what he will reap. The principle of seedtime and harvest time will never cease to be effective on earth, in accordance with God’s Word. Sow therefore, of your time, your skills, your life experiences, your talents and gifts to make the life of someone else better, and you will reap your harvest in due season.

God bless you.

key your life back to God through His Son Jesus Christ and trust Him to lead you aright.

I personally know of a woman who had worked for over thirty years of her life as an averagely paid Government teacher. At that time, a number of her colleagues were busy traveling all over the world making some good money.

By the time she retired from government service at about the age of fifty, out of frustration and not knowing what next to do in life, she began to 87

mountain view

Return of the

Valley Dweller

S

itting back on the rocking chair, savouring the fragrance of the flowers which seem to pour out so abundantly at the approach of dusk, and watching the sun as it makes its slow descent, which splashes the evening sky with russets of colour, is fast becoming a favourite pastime of hers. Here, she experiences a measure of peace, and with this solitude, the memories come out, unlocked of their own accord from that secret corner of her mind where she had consigned them.

As she gazes across the field, she recalls, a path across the field that leads to the foot of the hill. From there, a little footpath winds slowly to the top of the hill, well worn, yet not so broad that it can allow two walking abreast, all who make the trip to the top must walk each ahead of the other.

What about the old man who lived in the beautiful house up the hill? Is he still there, or not? That was the best memory of her life: going up the hill in the company of her friends to visit and play in the garden of the old man, he was always waiting just at the crest of the hill, just watching for their arrival, and took such delight in showing them his orchard, his flower, and every nook of his beautiful house.

As she grew older, the frequency of her visit diminished. He seemed so much wiser than anyone she has ever known, he would have helped her understand what she was going through and how to overcome all the challenges, but her friends had once mocked her for even mentioning a longing to see the old man they had once enjoyed being with, as children. Moreover, her parents had also ridiculed the notion saying those who still climb the hill were dreamers since the old man had 88

long passed on.

Yet, of late she has often woken up from dreams where she saw herself walking through the garden with the old man. Sometimes, she even fancied herself hearing the old man call her name in that special way of his.

Maybe she is losing her mind, maybe all the pains of the years are finally taking their toll, and she’s losing her grip on reality. But what if the old man is still there? Dare she make the trip up the hill? But why? To make a fool of herself, perhaps. She was no longer the beautiful unspoilt child, the old man had known. What would she say, having rejected the offer of friendship long ago? Is it when she is at the sunset

Suddenly, an unusual wave of courage swept over her. If she has made the trip so far to this place, would it really cost her so much to make the trip up the hill? of life that she should now renew a friendship she had long abandoned?

What use can she be to the old man now?

She remembered the last visit to the hill house as she used to call it when she was nineteen. The old man had sensed a gradual withdrawal from her, but in his usual wise way, he waited for her to tell him. When she mentioned her new friendship with her neighbour’s handsome cousin, the old man didn’t think it was the best for her. Of course, she thought him old fashioned, and living so high up there in the hill, he couldn’t possibly understand what a great honour it is for her as a valley dweller to have such a distinguished suitor seeking her out. Predictably, the relationship soon came to an abrupt end, but pride

by Omobolanle Ajide

wouldn’t let her come back to her old friend. So, in search of real love, she had gone through it all, suffered abuse, being used and dumped, slaved away the years paying for the mistakes of her youth. Isn’t it ironical that after all said and done, she had made her way back to the place of her birth, back to the country home where she was brought up, and looking longingly at that place that held for her the unsullied, loveliest memories of her life. Coming full circle, isn’t it?

Suddenly, an unusual wave of courage swept over her. If she has made the trip so far to this place, would it really cost her so much to make the trip up the hill? Maybe he would forgive; he was always so understanding in the past, even of things, she couldn’t put into words. And even if he rejects her, she would know she had at least made the effort.

With this thought running through her mind, she took the last step that took her to the crest of the hill in the dim light of the dusk and almost bumped into a figure standing there.

Catching herself with a start, she looked closely and fell to her knees in shock, for somehow, she recognized the unchanging form of the old man on the hill. As she beheld his wise and understanding eyes, unbidden tears came to her eyes as the years of her life flashed right across her eyes like a reel of film. She searched for words to explain but none came. Yet, the old man understood as he gathered her into his arms and wept with her for the wasted years. ‘Welcome back’, he said. ‘Everyday since you left, I’ve come here like this to await your return. Come let’s go back to our favourite seat in the lounge and you can tell me all that’s on your mind’. gemwoman | July/August 2007

martha’s place

A taste of Nigeria

by Bunmi Fadare

5 ways to cook rice 1. Regular Rice (Normally used rice): The hull and bran have been removed by polishing. Short grain rice is less expensive than long grain; it is used for casseroles; puddings and creamy desserts. Long grain is a better all-purpose rice and cooks fluffies, flakies and dries It is used for curries, Chinese dishes and as a vegetable.

2. Processed (converted) Rice: This type contains the vitamins found in the husk of Brown rice but is polished like white rice. It can be substituted for regular rice, but the cooking time is longer. It is the rice popularly called “ofada rice”.

3. Precooked (instant) rice: Commercially cooked, rinsed and dried. It is good as part of a main dish- and quick to fix at any time.

4. Brown Rice: A vitamin-rich whole grain, with only the outer hull removed.

It has a nutty flavour and is used as a side dish. However it’s much slower to tenderize.

5. Wild Rice: Long-grained and dark greenish brown color. (Wild rice is not true rice but the seed of an aquatic grass). Expensive, it is often sold combined with rice.

Rice flavor Cooking: A simple way to change the flavour and colour of plain rice is to vary the cooking liquid.

• • • • •

Chicken or beef broth or bouillon for all of the water.

Chicken consommé diluted as directed on can for all of the water.

Apple juice for half of the water.

Orange juice for half of the water.

Tomato or pine apple juice for half of the water.

Stir in: For colour, flavour or just for a change, prepare your 3 cups and stir in.

Bacon: 4 sliced bacon, diced, crisply fried and drained.

Carrot: ½ cup shredded carrot and 2 table spoons butter, melted.

Lemon: 2 teaspoons lemon juice and 2 table spoons butter, melted.

Mushroom: 1 can (6-8 tablespoons) Sliced mushroom or mushroom stems and pieces drained heated in 2 tablespoons butter.

Olive: ½ cup chopped ripe or pimiento stuffed olive or 10 pitted ripe or pimiento stuffed olives sliced.

Onion: 2 tablespoons minced onion cooked and stirred in 2 tablespoons butter until tender.

Don’t deny yourself the foods you enjoy but remember moderation is the key.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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martha’s place

1

Ofada Rice

3. Put in the meat which can either be fried or just boiled.

~ 3 cups ofada rice (picked and parboiled) ~ 1 tablespoon oil. ~ 1 small sized onion (chopped) ~ 1 teaspoon salt.

4. Cover and cook until the pepper is well fried.

Sauce: ~ Assorted meat (cooked) ~ 6 unripe tomatoes ~ 6 unripe bell pepper (tatashe) ~ 1 cup unripe ‘rodo’ ~ ¼ cup locust bean (iru woro) picked and washed ~ 2 bouillon cubes or to taste ~ 3 kitchen spoon palm oil. ~ Salt to taste

7. Turn in the bleached palm oil and cover to cook for another 5 minutes or until the sauce is really well fried and the oil appears on top.

Preparation 1. Fry the chopped onion in the vegetable oil until tender.

2. Pour in a little water that will be sufficient to cook the rice to perfection.

3. Add the rice, season with salt and cover to boil.

4. Cook the rice until soft, tender and dry.

Set aside and keep warm Sauce: 1. Roughly blend the tomatoes, ‘rodo’, bell pepper (tatashe) and onions.

5. Season with salt and the cubes.

6. Put in the washed and picked locust bean (iru) and stir very well.

8. Season to taste.

In order to make up for any lost vitamin, especially vitamin A, which is destroyed during the bleaching of the oil, serve the rice with dried cooked beans(“ewa woro”); cooked vegetable (Efo riro) or fried plantain.

2. Put in a pot and cook for about 5-7 minutes.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

martha’s place Weight Watchers Chinese Steak: ~ 10oz-Boneless beef steak ~ ¼ teaspoon - garlic powder and minced pared ginger root. ~ 1teaspoon- vegetable and peanut oil ~ 1cup-Diagonally sliced celery ~ ½ cup- chopped green pepper ~ 1 medium-Tomato cut into 8wedges ~ ¼ cup-Canned ready to serve beef broth ~ 2 tablespoons- Reduced sodium soy sauce ~ 1 teaspoon –Cornstarch ~ ½ cup-Drained canned button mushrooms ~ a dash pepper, or to taste ~ 1 cup cooked long grain rice (hot) Preparations 1. Season steak with garlic and ginger, 2. Put in a broiling pan on rack in oven.

3. Broil steak, turning once, until rare, about 3 mins on each side.

4. Transfer to cutting board and cut in thin slices, 5. Set aside.

6. In 12 inch nonstick skillet, combine oils and heat over high temperature.

7. Add celery and bell pepper and cook, stirring quickly and frequently, until tender-crisp.

1 to 2 minutes, 8. Add tomato and continue stir-frying for 1 minute longer.

9. Combine broth, soy sauce, and cornstarch, stirring to dissolve cornstarch.

10. Add to beef mixture along with mushrooms and pepper and cook, stirring constantly, until sauce has thickened and vegetables are cooked through, 2 to 3 minutes.

11. Serve over hot rice.

Makes 2 servings.

Each serving provides: 4 protein exchanges, 1 bread exchanger, 3 vegetable exchanges, 1 fat exchange, 10 calories exchange.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

2

Pictures: Original Intentions

Per serving with sirloin: 442 calories, 42g protein, 34g carbohydrate, 55mg calcium, 1027mg sodium, 41g protein, 12g fat, 34g carbohydrate, 55mg calcium, 1024mg sodium, 103mg cholesterol.

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martha’s place

Vegetable Curry Rice

3

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

50g-Magarine 1-Onion chopped 1-apple chopped 1-table spoon curry powder 1-tablespoon flour ½ litre-water ½kg-Mixed vegetables (Onions, carrots, celery) chopped.

1 dessert spoon-desiccated coconut Squeeze lemon juice 1 tablespoon-sultana 1 teaspoon soft brown sugar 100g-mushrooms, sliced 1cup-long grain rice Parsley to garnish

Preparations 1. Heat the margarine and fry the onion and apple until soft.

2. Stir in the curry powder and flour and cook for 3-4 minutes.

3. Gradually add the stock and bring to boil.

4. Add the mixed vegetables, lemon juice, coconut, sultanas, brown sugar and seasoning, cover and simmer for about 35mins.

5. Spoon into a serving dish, arrange your cooked rice round the edge of the dish and serve, garnished with a spring of parsley.

Green Rice ~ 1 cup –uncooked regular rice ~ 1½ cups-frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained ~ 1½ cups-boiling water ~ 3 tablespoons- minced onion ~ 1 tablespoon-butter or margarine ~ 1½-teaspoon salt.

Preparations 1. Heat oven to 350c.

2. Mix all ingredients in non greasy 1 or 1½ quart casserole or in a baking dish.

Note: Put all ingredients together

at once.

3. Cover dish tightly and bake until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender.

(Approximately 25-30 mins.)

4 to 6 servings.

Note: This easy method requires the use of regular rice for better results. Instant or converted rice should not be substituted.

Substitutions: For frozen Spinach: 1 package (10 ounces) frozen chopped broccoli.

For 3 tablespoons minced onion: 1 tablespoon instant minced onion.

For boiling water: 1½ cups boiling chicken or beef stock.

Note: Spinach is a blood booster.

It can go with any sauce.

4 92

gemwoman | July/August 2007

martha’s place Jambalaya ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

2 teaspoons- Margarine ½ cup-Diced onions 1 small-garlic clove, minced 1medium-Tomato, blanched peeled, seeded and chopped ½ medium-green pepper seeded and diced 1 teaspoon –all-purpose flour 1 packet- instant chicken broth or 2 chicken cubes and seasoning mix, dissolved in 1 cup warm water.

4oz-Diced boiled ham 2oz- Uncooked regular long grain rice 1tablespoon-Chopped fresh parsley A dash to 1/8 teaspoon-Thyme leaves, crushed A dash of ground red pepper or hot sauce 6 small shrimp, shelled and deveined 6 small oysters or prawn, shucked and rinsed (reserve oyster liquid)

Each serving provides: 4 protein exchange, I bread exchange, 2 vegetable exchange, 1 fat exchange, 10 calories exchange,

313 calories, 25g protein, 8g fat, 34g carbohydrate, 93mg calcium, 1212mg sodium, 87mg cholesterol.

Variation: Canadian-style bacon or very lean cooked smoked ham may be substituted for the boiled ham. Per serving with Canadian style bacon, 320 calories, 25g protein, 9g fat, 34g carbohydrate,93g calcium,1329mg sodium,85mg cholesterol.

With smoked ham: 294 calories, 23g protein, 7g fat, 33g carbohydrate,90mg calcium, 1246mg sodium, 84mg cholesterol.

5

Per serving:

Picture: Original Intentions

Preparations 1. In 10 inch nonstick skillet, heat margarine until bubbly and hot.

2. Add onion and garlic and sauté until onion is translucent.

3. Add tomato and bell pepper and sauté for 1 minute longer.

4. Sprinkle flour over vegetables and stir quickly to combine, cook stirring constantly, for 1 minute.

4. Stirring constantly, gradually add dissolved broth mix, 5. Add ham, rice, and seasonings and bring mixture to a boil.

6. Reduce heat, cover and let simmer, stirring occasionally to prevent rice from sticking or burning, until rice is tender.

(15 to 20 minutes).

7. Add shrimp, oysters or prawn and reserved oyster liquid and toss to combine, cover and cook until shrimp turn pink and edges of oysters curl (2 to 3 minutes).

Makes 2 servings.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

93

people & places Sherpherd’s Flock

Pictures: Lemosh

The Shephard’s Flock organised a breakfast Health Seminar for women as part of its Women Convention programme. The programme was held on the 17th of June at her Ikeja Church premises. Ministering was Rev. Tony Akinyemi, the Senior Pastor of The Shephard’s Flock, while Pastor (Mrs.) Akinyemi played hostess.

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

people & places

Pictures: Lemosh

Indeed it was an outpouring of His presence at the “Women for Change” programme organised by This Present House Church on the 2nd of June, 2007.

Ministering were Rev. (Mrs.) Oduyemi & Pastor (Mrs.) Abby Olufeyimi, while Folake Umosen ministered in songs.

Pastor (Mrs.) Nkoyo Rapu was the hostess.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

95

unburdening agonies with aunty kk

“He is having an Affair” Aunty KK My husband is having extra marital affairs and I am scared of contacting AIDS! What do I do?

Dear Dear Wife, I’m afraid your concern should be beyond self, disease and Aids, the eternal destiny of your husband’s soul is also pertinent. I’ll take advantage of your elusive question as liberty to address this issue on a broad spectrum, even though I believe what you mean is should I continue to have sex with my husband? Disturbing, frightening, and seemingly life threatening as it may be, my counsel is: DO NOT cut off sexual intimacy with your husband. Don’t even go there; it would bring NO solution to your dilemma. If anything is guaranteed to worsen the situation and give your husband a ground to perpetrate his atrocities.

The first step I would take in such a situation if I were in your shoes would be between me and God. I would bind unto myself the power of God invested in His word in Hebrew 14:3.

“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled” I would entreat the Lord for divine immunity against any defilement on my matrimonial bed.

Having settled that spiritual aspect, I would ask the Lord to deal with my emotions and hurt as I would need a forgiving spirit, healed heart and the fresh grace to actually continue to love my husband without bitterness. Heavens must supply me the ‘Hosea’ kind of grace as believe what would keep any man in sort of situation is beyond man.

The next action line is the most delicate. I would talk things over with my husband. I believe if steps one and two are in place, then the truth would be spoken in love.

One very bitter truth that was shared with me by a good friend of mine, who is not just a respectable and committed Christian, but an ordained pastor, would forever remain in my heart every time I think of men and infidelity. He claimed that irrespective of the male, his spiritual inclinations not withstanding, the average man is ready to break NEW grounds sexually, six months after he’s been sexually active with one woman even when he is head over heels in love with her. He said it is only natural that he wants variety!

f cut of h T O DO N imacy wit l int n’t sexua sband. Do ld u ou your h there; it w o nt go even NO solutio a. bring ilemm d r u yo

He however expressed the reassuring clause that it takes a commitment to God and a divine covenant for a man to keep his fidelity. In other words it takes the ‘Joseph’ kind of anointing to withstand errant seductions and subdue illicit emotions. What keeps a man is actually beyond man. Well I have no jurisdiction whatsoever to argue with him but it kind of makes a lot of sense to me and I will never cease to marvel at the specie called ‘man’. What a tragedy from the fall!

Speaking the Truth in love in the context of such nuggets from my friend will go a long way.

If we are able to have a meaningful talk, then genuine sorrow in his heart would birth true repentance, and it would also afford me the opportunity to look in wards for my own inadequacies and faults if however there is no remorse, then I would drop the issue and trust that God will work even this out for good.

Whatever the outcome of our talk I will take it upon myself to enter inter into a new level of intercession for him. Above all I would not want him to miss heaven.

Dear concerned wife enter your closet and let God’s counsel prevail. Remain dovetailed with the Holy Spirit, He’ll see you through.

Aunty KK

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gemwoman | July/August 2007

unburdening agonies

Silent Treatment Aunty KK Whenever my husband and I have a misunderstanding, it always ends up in us not talking to each other for days and weeks which makes me very unhappy and when I try to talk to him, he doesn’t answer until he feels like it. When I asked him why he does that he says that he has to deal with his feelings. I can’t take it any longer. It’s getting to me and I always feel I want to get out of the relationship when the malice is on. Please help!

Every time I hear a concerned wife express this fear it always confirms my deep seated fear that marriage vows these days are just MERE words devoid of any commitment! Much like our relationship with God, largely mental accents yet to become flesh dwelling in us. Marital vows today are not lifebinding covenants and such can be discarded whenever they cease to benefit us.

At the risk of being called over spiritual, unrealistic and not pragmatic, I would say without any apology that marriage, as far as the originator is concerned is for better for worse , till death put asunder and the challenges therein are his strategies to build us up.

I do appreciate that living with a husband who will not talk could be very frustrating especially for us women who are blessed with the gift of ‘oral diarrhea’ but do not think it is a good enough reason to consider quitting your marriage.

I want you to truthfully consider the problem. You too must have been involved in the malice as it takes two to tango!

One person must be ready to take making the first move for peace. being the head to do this who commenced his love to an says while we are yet sinners If however he fails to do this the presumptuous idea of whatever , you as his dutiful to the occasion, especially at you more than him.

the initiative and the responsibility of The onus lies on your husband because he must be like God y unrepentant world. The bible a s y God initiated love towards us. g lo

ould “...I w y apo ut an far witho rriage, as a is that m originator er t as the d is for bet rne conce worse... “ for

for reasons of ego, pride, or being the offended party, or help meet should rise up because it is obviously getting

I’ll counsel you to submit yourself for a spiritual checkup by the Holy Spirit immediately after a misunderstanding.

Allow him to show you the issue from His perspective since we all do have our blind spots. Irrespective of the outcome, make a commitment always to take the initiative to start a conversation, then the issue of malice will not survive.

Another sure way to quell this rot is to purpose in your heart to settle his malice the ‘Delilah’ way. Make yourself irresistible every malice night and you’ll wake up to laughing mornings.

Don’t be surprised, however, if you begin to have more than you bargained for. Dear friend enjoy your marriage. It’s for a life time and the challenges are meant to deepen your intimacy with your husband.

Remain dovetailed to your husband.

Aunty KK

Write Me Would you like to share your experience, and receieve godly counsels for situations confronting you?

I’ll like to hear from you!

Write and share with me at auntykk@gemwoman.com Till I hear from you then, Remain dovetailed with His Spirit Aunty KK

gemwoman | July/August 2007

97

heart talk

Shed the weight

travel light!

by ‘Bode Modupe

The number one factor in aging is burdens. Your burdens, or how you carry them, make you old. - Scarlett Bene

R

ecounting his mother’s last moments in a hospital bed a few years ago, an old classmate said he wondered how his mother survived 17 years of bottled up emotions arising from his father’s momentary departure from home to co-habit with a young single mother. A touching story indeed!

He said that Saturday morning when he walked into the hospital ward to relieve his sister, having just finished his exams the day before, he saw on his mother face an unmistakable tranquility, something he described as a paradox of some sort given her ailing condition.

He said she felt so much at peace that it got him confused thinking that the doctors finally got something right or a miracle had taken place, bringing to an end his mother’s long battle with ovarian cancer.

He felt eager to hear the news, but his sister was in the convenience. There was a look of recognition on his mother’s face unlike his last visit when she remained drowsy from the chemotherapy she had been receiving.

She mumbled something and he moved towards her to hear clearly. She repeated the words, “How are you…” to which he gave an affirmative reply. The words that followed cut him unawares and left him feeling very uneasy for along time.

“I have …forgiven your father… you must forgive him too…’ she said.

They were to be her last words. By the time he was relating this story to me, he was clearly a changed man. His single message to me as I narrated my ordeal was “forgive!

Put it behind you and move on, it is the only thing you can do for yourself.’

I have sat down to hear older women lament over the good lives and great careers they sacrificed to support their men only to be paid back with ingratitude and heart aches.

I have heard young women moan over the treachery suffered in relationships vowing never to forgive or forget.

I have heard parents talk about their worthless children wondering how come they have had to visit police stations again and again, while other people’s children bought them cars, built them new houses and gave them tickets to enjoy a holiday abroad.

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I have heard children blame their parents for not giving them a proper life and seen regrets etched on the brows of citizens who believe their countries and indeed the leaders have failed them, wondering why they had not seized the opportunities they had earlier in life to compromise the system.

These are men and women who have been offended and bruised along life’s journey and like the picture in John Bunyan’s (Classic) The Pilgrim’s Progress, they carry on them weights and burdens that make the journey uneventful.

How come it gets so difficult to forgive when all that it brings is hurt, ill health and quick gray. Some say it is human to err and divine to forgive, would you rather be limited to the realm of human error or attain the height of the divine?

Is it not so that we can hold down those who have caused us pain and gained from our vulnerability that we now render ourselves victims of our own circumstances?

Shed the weights, travel light- it is an old, aged wisdom!

Scientists have continued to provide various reasons why men and women suffer from cancer today, but I hear the most common reason of them all is due to strong negative emotions, that are bottled up over time.

Once my Pastor said to me, “meditate on Psalm 32 verse 1-2,” I really couldn’t understand why because we were talking about a matter in which I believe, I was the offended party.

It says, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity and in whose spirit there is no guile.”

What makes a man qualify to receive forgiveness than to forgive. It is a lesson that I am still being taught. There is always a starting point.

I read that not all growth are healthy, because cancer grows too. My classmate’s mother learnt that lesson in a hard way but she made the best of it.

Life will be a lot more meaningful if we just learn to let go and let God. I’m sure you heard the preacher say that in the recent past. What we make of it makes life’s journey what it turns out at the end.

gemwoman | July/August 2007

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