37 minute read
The law of in-laws
It’s time for Peace
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by Morayo Fawehinmi
Afriend of mine turned fifty five last month and decided to make it an ‘old-flames’ affair. She invited a couple of us who had been her childhood friends to an all girls, all expenses paid weekend at the Obudu cattle ranch holiday resort. This was a week after she celebrated her thirtieth wedding anniversary. You can bet we had the fun of our lives. Yours truly seized the opportunity to unwind from the spent routine life of Lagos. The writer in me cannot help but share a bit of the ‘gems’ I gleaned from that wonderful time out with the girls, away from our husbands, children and family, far from the maddening crowds of
city life. We had stories to share of the good, the bad and the ugly. Eventually we narrowed it down to the unavoidable inlaw issue. The celebrant story paints a vivid picture for the topic in this issue.
She had had a running battle with her husband’s most senior sister from day one of her marriage. This mother of all battles came to a head when this sister in law walked my friend out of her daughter’s wedding on the premise that it was only her brother, the husband that was invited to the wedding ceremony.
Thank goodness the husband was man enough to walk out on his sister and the whole wedding ceremony. No one missed the victorious glint in my friend’s eyes as she recalled her husband’s charge of ‘if you do not want my wife then you can’t have me’. She narrated how he took her and majestically walked out with her from the ceremony claiming that if his wife was not welcome at the wedding he was not staying too. Love me love my dog you will say! It was a serious matter as the wedding took place in the United States of America and the couple traveled all the way from Nigeria purposely for the ceremony!
We all knew our friend had never been on good terms with her sister in law but we never knew things had gotten to a head and degenerated that low. The question on every one’s lips was for how long was this going to continue for my friend, After all she had been married for thirty years! Why was nobody taking the initiative to settle this serious issue? The house was divided as some placed the blame at my friend’s doorstep, some on the husband and others on the sister in law. The most embarrassing aspect of the whole issue to me is the fact that they are all supposed Christians!
The option of ironing issues out peacefully by dialogues, speaking the truth out, and in love in particular is
one key that is guaranteed to work in such situations. The secret however is that such situations are better nipped in the bud than to allow it to degenerate like an uncared for putrefying sore.
While we were growing up, I could never get over the way the wives were always found ‘GUILTY’ by the arbitration parties and were usually instructed to tender unreserved apologies to the supposed offended party even in obvious cases where it was as glaring as the day that she had been wronged. A friend of mine said she grew up confused as herself and her siblings were always coerced to join their mother to ask for forgiveness every time there was a misunderstanding. She said she was ever ready to go on her knees for offences she knew never existed! Her grouse was that her mum was never really given the opportunity to express herself or her side of the story.
You’ll be surprised to learn that this injustice is not outdated. Just last week, a sister in church shared with me of how an unsolicited arbitration panel set up to settle a ten year old quarrel between her and her mother in-law invited her for a secret pre-sitting meeting. She was instructed to keep mute all through the hearing and was asked to expressly decline any invitation to give her perspective of the problem. She was asked only to offer her unreserved apology to her mother in law. What a lie! What a life! Of course issues are never truly resolved that way. The best that could be achieved by such efforts would be a distant but cordial relationship. You can be assured that relationship remains a potential volcano waiting to erupt one day.
Freedom of expression of truth, and calling a spade a spade is fast becoming endangered today because the truth is always bitter and never goes down well with any offender. The antidote is that when such truth is seasoned with love it has a way of turning sweet in the belly despite its bitter taste in the mouth. It abides and brings convictions to hearts that are ready to flow with God.
The dilemma is that correct unbiased seasoning of truth with Love can only be achieved by him who is Love. Man does not have the capacity to season the truth with the right love as the average man is not only selfish, but also self-centered and this is the age where men are lovers of themselves. The fact that we all do have our BLIND SPOTS would hinder us from ever seeing the total picture on any issue.
Talking issues over immediately they happen is the safest. It helps to nip matters in the bud and affords us opportunity to see beyond our blind spots and see from other people’s perspectives, and not employing unrighteous tactics, scheming and plans as it was the practice in a lady’s home.
This beautiful sister shared with me the unrighteous tactics that was
the order of the day in her home. A very serious matter yet I could not hold back the ripples of laughter from my sides.
This is her story. Her mother in law who lives with her lives by the biblical principle; of not letting the sun goes down on her anger. Whenever there is a misunderstanding during the day, she would pout and whine until the evenings. On all of such nights she would volunteer to take the family altar worship and would preach at her through her sermons, using that platform to speak out her mind, argue her case and drive home her points.
The lady drew the husband’s attention to this peculiarity and your guess is as good as mine. The man dismissed his wife’s claims as unfounded, [By the way I do sympathize with him for I know he being a man, by design, would never see the ‘nitty gritty’ details of such issues but only the head lines. This is the way he has been wired by the manufacturer. Moreover, this was his mother we are talking about here, and this is his blind spot.
The lady kept on taking various doses of these malicious acts until she eventually got tired of stomaching it. She devised a counter scheme when on one of the nights she opted to take the prayer session after her mother in law had preached at her again through her preaching. She retaliated by praying her perspective out to ‘God’ to every one’s hearing and ended the prayer by asking Him to avenge her and judge the situation!
This eventually caught her husband’s attention and he was forced to call for a meaningful talk out with the two women in his life. This was how
the problem in this lady’s home was sorted out.
I tell you, the place of fruitful, balanced, talking over of issues in love can never be over emphasized. If one is sincere much can be achieved. The sincerity can actually be measured by the body language too. Is there a peace talk you need to initiate? Is there some one that you need to reconcile with? Do not wait for the other party. The good book actually encourages the offended party to initiate the move. Why not if not? You will only be like your heavenly father who initiated his love to us while we were yet sinners.
So, set out to do this but make sure you’ve received a back up of love from the throne of grace.
The Perfect Season, The Perfect gift... Perfect Moments
Now Out!
PerfectMoments
A Collection of Inspirational Poems
kehinde adollo
Your career and Your home 2
In the last edition, we started on ‘Your Career and Your Home’ how it is very possible to have a thriving career and still have a happy home. Today, we conclude by giving you tips on how you can best maintain the balance.
• You just have to keep investing in your home - your husband and children even as you move up your career ladder. Carry them along. Make time to be together as a family. Show your husband the love and care he deserves; remember your primary role as a woman is to be a help-meet to him. Value time alone with your husband on a daily basis. Let him know you place a premium on the time you spend together. It could be as little as 30 minutes of your very busy day, maybe just watching the news together or just chatting over some sporting events on the TV. And you don’t have to like sports to do this. Sneak into his time and as time goes on, he will learn to respect that time and to reserve it for you.
• Make sure you devote sometime in a year, at least, two weeks to go on a holiday together. Where your children are young, you will have no choice than to take them along, but work out a day or two when you can leave them with a family member or friend so you can have time alone together with your husband. You will be surprised at the amount of bonding that will result from this.
• Invest in your children. Devote quality time to nurture and groom them, inculcating in them values that will equip them for the future. Show interest in what they do. Help with their studies if only on weekends. Get to know their friends and the people they move with. Take them out once in a while and remember to spend time daily with the entire family. Where you cannot have supper together spend at least 5 minute praying together either before going out in the morning or bed time in the evening. Vacation with your children should be a priority. It doesn’t have to be in London or New York. If you cannot afford it, a beautiful resort in your city can be equally exciting.
If you do not learn to manage your home and career properly while you are still making your way up the ladder, you may find it difficult to do so when you reach the top of the ladder. As a matter of fact, you are most likely not to do better when you get to the top.
Woman, you are a multi-tasked creature. You are custom-made to handle the roles. So, just rise up to the challenge.
You can make a difference!
Pastor Taiwo Odukoya www.thewomanleader.org
NO MIND ME OH, I JUST DEY YAN!
The year is fast coming to an end, for many it is littered with pieces of broken dreams dashed hopes, tears and pain and in genuine confusion they wonder what they have done wrong that a good God who has promised so much seems to have built a wall of silence to their incessant cry
What a year………..I tell you life has blown many every which way because of our refusal to spiritually strategise by focusing on the ONLY one who can direct our path.
I tell you many people today are “born against Christ” because of the atrocities they commit in his name, it is distressing to see people call his name like a broken record but their actions speak an alien language. We daily rewrite the bible through our interpretation of what we believe God is saying vis a vis what he is actually saying.
There are those of us who sit back totally blasé to the events happening around us believing that we are insulated from the consequences of the mockery by others of our faith. This my sisters is a fallacy because if evil continues to thrive while good men do nothing, then the consequences will be borne by all, as no man lives in a vacuum.
To both I make bold to say Life is an enigma even to the brilliant. It is not a mathematical equation, and the ONLY one who has all the answers is the Creator.
Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people, we ponder as to WHY having been told in the good book that we reap what we sow, but no one has ever asked where the harvest takes place, here? Or in the hereafter.
Another year is about to be born, I tell you, it is best to look into the morrow and correct the mistakes of yesterday rather than dwelling on what is now in the abyss of history, dead and buried.
It is time to take stock and look up for guidance knowing that we cease to walk in the dark when the Lord becomes the light of our nights.
It is time to stand and be counted for God instead of mouthing him like a dead creed, love as deeply and as sacrificially as he has instructed us to, we are soldiers of the living God, we need to fight the darkness with his piercing light. We need to become spiritually proactive instead of carnally reactive but fellow travellers, as usual if these words hurt too much, I beg, no mind me, I just dey yan…..
- Alero Adollo
Greenville Village,
58A, Isaac John Street, G.R.A. Ikeja, Lagos. Tel: 01-7210340
Sheraton hotel & Towers,
Mobolaji Bank Anthony, Ikeja, Lagos. Tel: 01-4978660 Ext: 8842
Ikoyi Mall,
1, Bank Road, (Opp. Fed. Secretariat), Ikoyi, Lagos. Tel: 01-7250580
by Eyiyemi Rogbiyin
Party Hairdo
The hair is the crowning glory of any woman and with the approach of the EMBER months it means PARTY, PARTY, PARTY! Ladies usually want to come out looking their best and not to get to the party feeling underdressed. The hair might just be the icing on the cake to get that overall great look.
How do we achieve that fantastic hair and still be able to manage it all through the party season without frequenting salons every week and spending a fortune?
here are a few great ideas:
Braids are versatile and require little or no fuss after it’s been done. This would probably be the 1st choice to party hair for the season. Depending on the length and or thickness of the braids it can be let down or packed up in different styles.
For those of us who do not have the patience or time to braid our hair, the next best option would be the weave which may not last as long as braiding but can also be quite versatile and hassle free. This of course depends on the style the weave is cut to.
For short weave you’d probably have to own a pair of tongs or visit the salon every week, while for the long weave you can as in the case of braids leave it flowing down your shoulders, pull it into a ponytail, have it styled in the salon in an upsweep with tendrils cascading down your neck and the sides of your face. The possibilities are ENDLESS!
Ghana weaving is also an option but for most women it only lasts 2 to 3 weeks, but the styles are limitless. There’s also the wig which you would probably have to own a few to change your look.
No matter what style you choose, the perfect accessories will make all the difference. There are all sorts in the market these days and you could go to town but remember to do it with the utmost style!
Get rid of that Ugly feeling
Have you ever woken up feeling frumpy and ugly. There is a saying that maybe you woke up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’. You can’t seem to shake off the feeling and You feel like laying back in bed and covering yourself with the duvet but you know that is impossible. There are bills to pay and commitments to keep up with and somehow your hair, face, clothes don’t look or feel right and you just can’t seem to get rid of that ugly feeling.
To remedy the situation might take a while and we doubt that you’d want to be late for work or school or that meeting. So, here are a few tips that could get you on the right track:
Once you notice the mood which would probably be from the moment you wake up, put in an uplifting cd one that you know is bound to lift your spirits. There is nothing as good as worship to get you out of the doldrums. Make a conscious effort to see every situation that comes your way through rose colored glasses in other words look at the glass half full rather than half empty.
Thank the lord that you are alive and well you might not feel like praying but do try and muster thank you to the creator. Your hair might not look right but what about the cancer patient who has lost all her hair. Your clothes don’t seem to be enough or the ones you would love but remember the lady in church who seems to have only two good church outfits and manages to smile in those faded outfits each Sunday.
The shoes that seem not to be the right shade. Remember people who have no legs to put into shoes. That should help to put a new perspective to things. Pour some scented oils in your bath water, light a few scented candles. This can be uplifting. Tell yourself good things. Celebrate yourself after all. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Look for the brightest outfit in your wardrobe. This would be the day to wear it. Splash yourself with your favorite perfume. We guarantee you’ll be floating in a sea of scent! If you can, squeeze in the time to go to the spa for a massage. If you do not have time to do the full works either one of the following are options; hand, foot, neck, shoulder, head massage. These would not take as long but they are guaranteed to leave you feeling rejuvenated.
Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or a facial. You’ll definitely be loving yourself afterwards. This has been known to work for many a woman… GO SHOPPING!!! Buy yourself something you’ve always wanted and don’t think about the cost! Take the day off or at the very least leave the office early if you can and pamper yourself for the rest of the day.
Last but not least, spend time with a loved one and go to bed early. Do try this and let’s know how nice you feel afterwards. Have a fun filled season.
Yewande Zaccheaus
Driven by Purpose
Interview by Bola Olawale
“Waiting for most people, is a painful period of life. In Yewande Zaccheaus’ case, it was a nine-year period of waiting for a second child. According to the doctors, it was an “unexplained secondary infertility”. For the writer and CEO of Eventful Management Company, it was a time of refreshing in “God’s waiting room” where He unveiled her life to a more fulfilling purpose. Hers is a story of perseverance, character, faith, and triumph, in ‘God’s waiting room’.
GEM: Please tell us a bit about Yewande Zaccheaus in terms of your family and educational background. YZ: I was born in Ibadan in April 1961 to Chief and Mrs. Bayo Akinnola. I am the first born child of the family. I went to All Saints Church School, Jericho Ibadan: for my primary education and International School Ibadan: for my secondary education. I then went on to Clifton High School Bristol England for my A levels and then returned home to study Law at the University of Lagos. After Law School, I went back to England for a Masters in Law at Cambridge University.
GEM: Can you tell us about your husband how you met and when? YZ: Interestingly enough, my husband Teni and I were in Unilag at the same time but we never met then. We met in the home of mutual friends, Lookman and Aniola Durosinmi-Etti, we were introduced and became friends. We got married in October 1989 and the rest as they say, is history! My husband and I have quite different personalities but I believe we complement each other beautifully. Teni runs Zacchi & Krome Limited a corporate promotions, printing and publishing company based in
Ilupeju, Lagos. Teni is easy going, absolutely dependable and a rock of support for me in all areas of my life. He truly gives me the wings to fly, always encouraging me to go that much further with my business and my ministry, releasing me from many of the traditional roles of a wife that would otherwise make it quite difficult to succeed. We are blessed with two beautiful children, a boy Teniola who is 17 and a girl, Iretidayo who is 8 years old.
GEM: Who are the key influences in your life? YZ: The key influences in my life are my natural parents Chief and Chief Mrs. Bayo Akinnola and my spiritual parents, Pastors Taiwo and Bimbo Odukoya of the Fountain of Life Church. My parents brought us up in the way of the Lord and I am forever grateful to them for teaching us to fear and reverence God, work hard, respect and have compassion for people, and strive always for integrity and justice. My spiritual parents have also impacted my life greatly. Pastor Bimbo with her unwavering passion for the Lord and for touching people’s lives and Pastor Taiwo, who to me epitomises the very best of all a Christian man and a Pastor should be. The examples that have been set for me by these four individuals have certainly shaped who I am today. GEM: What inspired you to write the book “God’s Waiting Room” YZ: I got married in October 1989 and I conceived my son Teniola immediately. I never imagined I would have to wait for a second child. It took 9 long years after my son was born before my daughter arrived. It was a time of testing, growing and maturing into the woman God has called me to be. During my waiting years I told God that if He blessed me with a child I would testify to the whole world of His faithfulness by writing a book.
However, once I had my baby in 1999 (I don’t know why we human beings can never learn!) the cares of life took over and I never got round to it. The miracle was here, the zeal had fizzled out and the passion to write had waned. In October 2003, I very unexpectedly found myself pregnant again. I was totally embarrassed because I was 42 at the time and honestly didn’t expect to get pregnant again after all I had been through. In any case I felt I was too old for another baby!
After a while I started getting quite comfortable with the idea and was enjoying the “older mum” status. Unfortunately however, I lost that pregnancy at 5 months in January 2004. For a pregnancy I neither planned nor wanted, the pain was devastating.
As I worked myself through the pain, God reminded me of the work I had left undone. Whilst I do not believe that God was punishing me for not having kept to my vow, it was clear that He knew that only something so drastic would get me back on track to fulfill my promise to Him. I had to wake up at all hours of the night to write the book but now the zeal was back and God saw me through.
GEM: What are the lessons you learnt in the “waiting room” that you would like to share with our readers? YZ: The key lesson I learnt was that of patience. I was not a patient person. In fact, I used to be incredibly impatient with people who could not meet up with my demands of them and I did
not suffer fools gladly. I also was quite used to ensuring I got my way. Anything I wanted had to be NOW! However, my nine years sojourn in God’s Waiting Room brought me to a place of humility where I realised eventually that it was not about me but about His purpose for my life. We must get to a place where we understand that indeed His ways are not our ways, however His thoughts for us are ALWAYS for good and not evil. I learnt that waiting for the blessing of a child is a privilege.
We have been counted worthy by God to take care of what will be a special child. We must however ensure that a refining of our character takes place during that time of waiting – a time of preparation to be a vessel of honour unto the Lord. It would be a complete waste of time to have experienced such a season of wilderness and not come out of it a better person.
GEM: Did your waiting period, in any way affect your spiritual life and marriage? YZ: My time of waiting affected my spiritual life significantly. There is no doubt about it, when you are seeking the face of the Lord for something you will do everything possible to come to a place where you indeed feel God’s heartbeat. You pray a lot more, you read the word, you fellowship. You are simply hungry for any and everything that you believe will put you in a place where you will receive His mercy. I know for sure that I would not have grown so deeply in the things of God if I had not had that waiting experience and I believe it was one of God’s purposes for the delay.
In terms of my marriage, the delay served only to strengthen our relationship. Very early on, my husband always tried to convince me that he was quite happy with one child but I knew in my heart he wanted more because he loves
children. I am actually not that good with children but my husband can play with them for hours on end! He was extremely supportive, accompanying me from test to test, doctor to doctor, even though all medical indications were that we were both fine! Our situation was described medically as “unexplained secondary infertility”. He was very patient when I would sometimes be sad or depressed but thank God for Jesus, because those times never lasted long once I got myself back into the word of God.
GEM: What advice would you give to women trusting God for the fruit of the womb? YZ: My word for women still believing God for the fruit of the womb is very simple. You have no choice but to trust that God will make everything beautiful in His time. You need to seek God’s face to know exactly what the purpose of the delay is and you must key in to that purpose so you do not miss your blessing. We also need to remember that His ways are not our ways. God may be speaking to some women to go out and adopt some of his beautiful children who have no parents to care for them. I am firmly of the view that adoption is a valid option for the Christian woman. Are we not all adopted children of the most High God?
We need to come to a place where we know it is not about us, our needs, our desires but about fulfilling purpose. Pastor Bimbo always used to tell us to be purpose - driven and not needs - driven.
GEM: What has been the response to the book “God’s Waiting Room” YZ: I have several women who have read the book call or e mail me for counseling and I have received so many testimonies of how the book has blessed women. I was really excited yesterday when I received a text from one such woman based in Port Harcourt. We had prayed through an IVF cycle which unfortunately was not successful. However she just informed me that she had now conceived naturally and is believing God for the total manifestation of their miracle which I know will come by His grace. Many of
these women I never actually meet. We talk on the phone or communicate by email and I am grateful to God for the opportunity to be an encouragement to them in their hour of need. Sometimes, I do arrange to meet up with the women to share, and I am always blessed by the experience.
It is clear to me that there is a need for women to share their feelings. I have now set up a website www.godswaitingroom.org compiling testimonies and excerpts from God’s Waiting Room. We also have an email address, testimonies@godswaitingroom.org for women who wish to share their testimonies. I am presently working on God’s Waiting Room 2. Selected testimonies will be featured on the website and also be used in the new book. I do encourage women to share their stories by sending them to this email address as these testimonies really do as help and encourage other women.
GEM: YOU were a top banking executive in a successful bank. What were your reasons for leaving that enviable position to start your own business? YZ: Shortly after my maternity leave in 1999 I became very restless at work. I was the Company Secretary and Legal Adviser of Ecobank Nigeria Plc. I woke up every morning and the last place I wanted to go was work. I had been in the bank for ten years and I was totally bored with what I was doing. I asked to be moved from the legal department to another department because I felt I just needed a new challenge within the bank. I then started up and headed the Private Banking unit of the bank. However, the feeling of restlessness and dissatisfaction did not go away and it was clear to me that a complete u turn was required.
I sought God’s face and talked to several people who were in business on their own and realised most people ventured into business doing what they are naturally good at or what started as a hobby but grew into a business. The question now was - what was I good at? You know the Bible says that a man’s gift makes a way for him. In my case I knew I had a natural flair for organizing people and events but who on earth would pay for such a service, I wondered?
As I began to consider the matter more seriously, I did some research on the internet and found that events management was a huge and thriving industry in the USA. I bought several books, attended seminars and after receiving several confirmations from God, resigned in 2002 to establish my company, Eventful Ltd. We are 5 years old this month and I am totally in awe of what God has done with the business. I am also extremely delighted that as a pioneer in the field, we have opened the market for so many other young entrepreneurs who have decided to chart their paths in the business. I mentor several such young women and Eventful has now begun event management training services to add value to the industry.
GEM: How do you maintain a balance in your home, business and church responsibilities? YZ: You know as women, we have a natural gift for multitasking but sometimes even I wonder if God intended me to take on all the various commitments I find myself involved in! Honestly, I can only say that it is by His Grace and the help of the Holy Spirit that I am able to achieve some semblance of order in my extremely busy life. I also believe firmly in prioritising (doing what is most important first) and delegating, (getting other competent people to help me!) We have a biblical example in the Proverbs 31 woman, don’t we? I also thank God for an understanding pastor, a supportive husband, independent children and competent staff both at home and at work.
GEM: What are you passionate about and what are your aspirations? YZ: I am passionate about being the best I can be in every area of my life. It is a tough call, but I keep working at it, one day at a time. I am also passionate about giving my best to the people I love and those that I serve. I am extremely passionate about the cause of women as mothers, wives, career and business women. I have received an abundance of grace, love, favour and mercy from God and I am committed to giving all that I can to positively touch the lives of those I am privilege to interact with in one form or another. My aspirations? I am believing God that when I am called to glory my epitaph will read “She was a blessing to all who knew her” Amen!
GEM: How do you deal with stress and unwind? YZ: As we get older, our bodies react to stress in different ways. I am trying very hard to have one day during the week when I just unwind, concentrate on my various personal responsibilities, read, go to the spa or the movies or sit at home and just THINK! Unfortunately, I only manage to do this maybe once in a month, but I will get there! I honestly believe that we women need to strategise concerning our spiritual, social and business or professional life. I love the movies and I have a couple of other extremely busy friends who do too and we actually have to struggle to make the time occasionally to eat out and watch a movie! When we do, we always have such a wonderful time but it is a major challenge finding that time.
However because we realise it is so important to have this “me” time we continually strive to achieve it. Seasons of refreshing are so vital, otherwise we will continue to run around like chickens with their heads cut off! That is one of my father’s favourite sayings.
Another excellent way I deal with stress is by ensuring I go on at least 2 vacations during the year. I try to forget every thing about work during that time and I always return refreshed and rearing to go.
GEM: What does Christmas mean to you and how would you be spending
Christmas this year? YZ: Christmas to me is probably the best season of the year. I love Christmas. I love the joy, the sharing and the renewal of family ties. I love the decorations, the excitement and the festivity. It’s a time to look back on the passing year, take stock and thank God for his faithfulness. Christmas also brings the excitement of looking forward to the opportunities the New Year will bring.
Christmas is also a very busy period for my company as event managers. I always spend Christmas day with my family. We rotate Christmas lunch each year between my siblings and my parents now join us in Lagos rather than spend Christmas day alone. We always have loads of food, entertainment and many guests. The children especially have a ball.
GEM: You laugh a lot, is that part of your philosophy in life? YZ:Do I? I suppose I do, now that you mention it. I guess I am generally a very happy and very positive person. Unfortunately, I am also one of those people who are described as “wearing their hearts on their sleeves”. I cannot hide my feelings and I guess when you are usually a bubbly, upbeat person people notice immediately when you are not yourself. I am trying very hard to be more diplomatic in that area.
GEM: What is your message to women? YZ: My Pastor, Pastor Taiwo Odukoya always says that we as women should see ourselves as solutions to problems.
I believe that a woman is a precious creation of God. I am troubled by the fact that so many women have such low self esteem caused by bad experiences either in their childhood or even in relationships.
I am committed to helping women realise that they can be all they want to be and achieve all they want to achieve through Christ that lives in them. I am privileged to serve as one of the executives of Discovery for Women and The Woman Leader, ministries established by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya to teach women to maximize their potential in all areas of life through Christ working in them and to encourage them to arise and take the leadership positions that God has called them to. I am also a Trustee of Women in Management and Business (WIMBIZ), an NGO set up to elevate the profile of women in management and business. I hope that through these platforms I can continue to work for the upliftment of women in all spheres of life.
Finally one advice I wish to give women is this - take stock of your life. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Set goals for yourself and give yourself milestones for achieving same. Don’t let life just happen to you and don’t let dream killers kill your vision. Prayerfully take charge of your life and ask the ever present Holy Spirit for help, guidance and wisdom for the race you are called to run.
You only have one life, so live it to the fullest. If you have a song to sing, a book to write, a child to nurture, a business to start, a career to develop, a ministry to launch….. the time is NOW. Live your best life, fulfill the purpose for which you were created and always remember Psalm102 v 13…….indeed the time to favour us all, yes the set time is now.
Interview credits
Outfits: Yewande Zaccheaus’ wardrobe Jewellery: Yewande Zaccheaus Photography: Ade Plumptre, 0802 317 5992 Makeup: Eyiyemi, 0803 306 9428
Meet henrietta Agboola the brain behind house of henri:
Henrietta Agboola is the CEO of House of Henri, an integrated fashion company in Lagos, Nigeria. She is an award winning fashion designer and the Best Nigeria Fashion Designer of the year (2005/2006) of the Nigeria Fashion Show. The award saw her representing Nigeria in Paris, at the Nigeria Fashion Show 2005 in France.
She started her quest in the fashion industry in her secondary school days at the International School, University of Lagos (ISL) where she got the award of the best student in Clothing and Textile for three consecutive years. She also finished with a distinction in the same subject in her School Leaving Certificate Examination.
A passionate fashion educator and writer on fashion related issues, Henrietta is faculty head at the Handikrafts Fashion School, the skills transfer arm of House of Henri which has trained over 800 people in various fashion related skills. Her designs have been exhibited and sold in the USA, UK, Paris, Italy, Kenya, Namibia and Ghana. She is the author of two fast selling fashion books - ‘Sewing Made Easy’ and ‘Jewelry Craft and Bead Stringing Made Easy’
In recognition of her entrepreneurship, she was sponsored by the Ford Foundation along with a select group of other female entrepreneurs on a training and business tour of Kenya. In May 2007, she was invited to showcase her collections at the United Nations headquarters in New York at the Fashion For Development Show which was focused on employing fashion as a contributing tool to achieving the UN Millennium Development Goals. She has featured severally in the ‘Heart of Africa’ programme a brand Nigeria project. She also participated in the Nigeria Cultural Day in Israel.
Henrietta has a first degree in Psychology from the University of Lagos. She is also an alumnus of the FATE Foundation Business School and a member of Prince Charles Foundation, Youth Business Initiative (YBI) in Nigeria.
GEM: When did you start the fashion business? hOh: The vision for House of Henri started 20 years ago in 1987 when as a form 2 student in the International School Unilag, I started sewing for myself and others. While a student in Unilag, I used to sew for people within and outside the university community to augment the stipend I got from my father. Then I called my business Henri creations.
GEM: What does your fashion speak about? hOh: Creativity, innovation, afrocentrism, quality and decency.
GEM: What is your collection called? hOh: “Native Passion” brand of shirts and tops are styled to provide a convergence between the ethnic and the western. That is to say the shirts and tops come in styles that can be easily related with both in and out of the country but with an ethnic stamp.
Primarily targeted at upwardly mobile young professionals, the brand is segmented into three categories- formal, casual, and occasional.
The formal category is an attempt to break the rules by providing clothing with an ethnic bias that can still be acceptable in strictly formal environments.
The casual category caters to the clothing needs of individuals whose work environment do not require strictly formal dressing and for the weekend and dress down clothing needs of those whose work environments dictate formal dressing for the greater part of the week.
The occasional category is targeted at the market that has the need to wear more designed and dressy wears to occasions.
