Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 93 June 2023

From Your Editors

Welcome

This is our second edition for 2023! We hope that it has been a good year so far and that you are enjoying your bowls, croquet, darts and mahjong. First of all, thank you to all members who asked about my "one-eyed" operation. The major problem was poor Denise got all the flack and bad temper when your one-eyed editor was not allowed to bowl for three weeks! All good now so no more excuses!

Some More Did you hear/know?

Did you know that Egon Mikolajczyk is German and he tells us that Egon gets pronounced as ‘Egg*on’, ‘Egg On Toast’, ‘Egg-ee’ or more commonly as ‘E - gone’? As for his Polish surname it should be get pronounced Mik*O*Lie*Chik but he gets called

• ‘Mick*o*way*czick’.

• ‘Mick*o*large*- ick’

• or ‘Mick with a large ..ick’!

When he orders take away, he uses ‘John Smith’ because by the time he has spelt his name out, they could have cooked it! According to Google, the 11 letters in his surname name can be arranged in about 5 million distinct ways so he is lucky that there are not more incorrect pronunciations or spellings of his name!

Did you hear the following advice sent in by Ian Johnson? "Lord, keep Your arm on my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!" Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you then stick around awhile and it will!

Around Our Club

The Konig family Demi, Max, Alice and Jan after Demi and Jan got to the finals of the Mixed Pairs Championship

Anne Sauerwein and Shonah

Buckley, two of our new members who played in the WA State Singles and did well

Tracey, Pauline, Charmain, Lee, Jan (Siney) and Janpan. It is interesting that Janpan has three wine glasses in front of her!

A lovely photo of Anne and Trevor

Did you know that Ron Hutchinson is a song writer and musician (guitar) and has written many poems and songs? One of his poems "Empty Chair" is on page 57. He tells us he wrote this poem for his family after their youngest grandson drowned and left an empty chair at the family table. Having noticed some recent “passings” at our Club he thought he'd send it to us for use in this news magazine.

Did you know that due to the high rate of attacks on women in secluded car parks, especially during evening hours, the Edinburgh Council has established a 'Women Only' car park at a shopping centre. Even the parking attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Alongside is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot!

Did you know that Ken Foggo entered himself and John Jackson into the Women's Pairs competition because he did not have his glasses with him?

Did you hear that when you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra?

‘Did you know” Peter Flack and Murray Hulbert won the Yokine All Sorts Pairs in early January? This is a very popular annual event with bowlers. Teams consist of any gender and four games of “all sorts” of

pairs are played. Games include 2-2-2-2, 3 bowl pairs, 2-4-2 and finish with the cut throat 2 bowl pairs, with points awarded for wins and ends won. Well done to Peter and Murray who were undefeated with 71 points at the end of the day.

Did you know that Ken Bradley, member of the Cambridge Club died last year at the age of 100 years and two weeks? According to his mates he was still bowling at age 99 and 50 weeks! He started his bowls at City Beach and became part of Cambridge when the Clubs merged in 2003. He was a keen bowler and put his name down for all Championships events. Records do not go back far enough as to how many Pennant games he played but, at the very least he would have played over 1000 Pennant games in his career.

Did you know that in February

Chris Lander, Paul Knight, Anne Sauerwein and Jennifer Page joined 32 teams, of both Metro and Country bowlers, to celebrate the Pinjarra Bowling Club's 73rd Anniversary? They played well in all their games to win the $2000 first prize.

Did you know that Jim Woodward’s involvement in and passion for Queen’s Prize shoots saw him made a life-long Vice President of the NSW Rifle Association in 1987? He tells me that, even though he spent the best part of three decades as a sports writer on Sydney’s Daily Telegraph covering major sports such as international cricket and Rugby Union, receiving the badge was both unexpected and truly humbling.

Did you know that one of our 3 Gold players (whose name is synonymous with a flower) was in a bit of a dither before a Saturday Pennant game at Stirling? He was concerned that he had not put on his Sunscreen, didn’t have his hat and was looking for his sunglasses. He was relieved when he was reminded that Stirling Bowling Club is a fully enclosed indoor arena with a roof!

Appointment of Sensitivity Readers

A wise man once said, “intelligent people must remain silent so that dumb people won’t be offended”. As Editors we are still trying to get our heads around the sensitive differences between a LADY and a WOMAN, a GENTLEMAN and a LADY, a MASCULINE' person and a FEMININE person, a MALE and a FEMALE and a GUY and a GIRL!

Our Honours Board still calls winners "LADIES" and we always refer to the kind LADIES who make the Men's Pennant sandwiches as LADIES. When people excuse themselves, they say they are going to the LADIES or the GENTS! Nollamara Bowling Club have overcome this problem by having a JACKS for the men and KITTYS for the ladies, A while ago a FEMALE member told us she was a WOMEN and not a LADY. Is it OK to say, "Would you GUYS like to join us for a roll up, or should this be "Would you WOMEN like to join us for a roll up? Is a woman not a lady? As we’ve all seen, a lady is not necessarily a woman, a woman is not necessarily a lady and not all men are gentlemen.

Anyhow, in our desperation to not unwittingly offend anyone’s delicate fabric of feelings, and to help us with these difficult decisions, it has been decided that Jan Paniperis and Denise Odell, our current “ARBITERS OF GOOD TASTE”, be promoted to the new and important position of “SORRENTO SENSITIVITY READERS”.

As "Sensitivity Readers" they will contribute to ensuring the opaque quality of our news magazine by spotting details that don’t ring true, and identifying scenarios and story lines that, for whatever reason, may be considered by some members to be unlikely to happen to someone in our Club. They must also ensure that we do not include any offensive or insensitive content in our magazine that may upset a member and cause them to take offence. Jan and Denise must also ensure that there is no opportunity for misrepresentation, bias, lack of understanding, prejudice, profanities, gender-imbalance, sexual innuendo, or cruelty.

Cognisance will be taken of the sensitivity interpretation of Roald Dahl’s children's books where Oompa Loompas who were “small men” are now “small people”. Miss Trunchbull in Matilda, once a “most formidable female”, is now a “most formidable woman”.

Recently some insightful and very sensitive people, who have a much better understanding of what is right and what is wrong have determined that his 15 books for children are bursting with:

• Gluttony and flatulence (a big fat fart in case you did not know!).

• Wives feeding their husbands worms (probably spaghetti).

• The young are eaten by giants and changed into mice by bald, toe less hags (hate to think how they are regurgitated after being eaten, perhaps a “mouse-steak”).

• Villains loom large; as mean as they are ignorant, they tower over pint-sized protagonists (sounds like the government).

As Jan Pan and Denise have a difficult task ahead of them these new positions will only be effective from March 2025 as they will have to undergo two years of intensive special sensitivity training. As a first pass however, they have tried to desensitise the ageless “Baa baa black sheep”.

More Around Our Club

Right: "The Man, the Myth, the Legend" on his recent 80th birthday!

"Any sport anytime, just hand over your money!"

Saturday 2 BLUE says

"THANK YOU”

On behalf of all members, Graham O'Brien's team contributed to a small gift as a show of appreciation for the Sandwich Ladies' efforts during the Saturday bowling season.

From left to right: Liz McKersey, Gail Taylor, Bev Carrigy and Penny Hynam. Stan and Wayne represented 2 Blue

Above: John Murphy who very kindly runs the Saturday raffle.

Baa, baa, black sheep, Have you any wool?

Yes, sir, yes, sir, Three bags full; One for the master, And one for the dame, And one for the little boy

Who lives down the lane.

This 1879 rhyme seems harmless. It is just talking about sheep, after all. However, controversy first started in the 1990s, when a few parents in the United Kingdom started to complain that their children were being taught a song that alluded to slavery. The reasoning here was that the titular “black sheep” was a reference to African slaves, with the wool referencing them being forced to work on farms. In time, however, it became clear that the political climate in the UK had created a controversy where there really wasn’t one. It had however been reported that one school district had banned the nursery rhyme. This prompted allegations in the media and from other parents that the district was overreacting. The district later clarified that there was no such ban, just optional racial sensitivity courses. Later, an Australian school district opted to introduce a rainbow sheep. Our desensitised version now reads: “Sheep, have you any wool?"

Thanks

We would like to thank the following who contribute to our magazine: Brian Lucas. Trevor and Anne Orton, Jim Woodward, Dan Greig, Shirley Palmer, Mike Berecry, Ray Stapledon, Denis Croker, Wendy

Flack, Jan Paniperis, Ian Wittber, Ron and Kerry Hutchinson, Di

McGivern, Ian Johnston, Spider Webb, Stan Brickell, Ian and Chloe

Lucas, Ken Foggo, Larry Perry, Barbara Spence, Nerrida and Ross

Porteous, Frank Tutt, Graeme O'Brien, Kevin Coffey, Moira Dean.

Lesley Hughes, Lee Leach, Peter McIntosh, Matt Sharrett, Pope

Francis, Barry Stewart, Socrates, Paul Ramsey, Colin Bangs and Graeme Whitehorn.

– Denise and Neville (Tel 9309310 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au)

Match Committee Reports

Mixed Pairs Championship

After sectional play, the four semi finalists were Pauline Bourne and Peter Flack, Demi and Jan Konig, Robyn and Stan Van Mosseveld, and Pauline Marsden and Richard Bone. The Konig pair played their semi final against Pauline and Richard with scores tied at 14-all after 17 of the 18 ends. Demi Konig drew a toucher with her first bowl on the last end and this survived as the winning shot despite Richard glancing off the scoring bowl. In the other semi final between Pauline and Peter and Robyn and Stan the first half of the game was tight with the Robyn and Stan ahead 8-6 after the 11th end. A two then a damaging five gave them the break to win 16-9.

In the final Jan and Demi got away to a good start with a four on the 8th end giving them a 12-5 lead and looked to be in control. Stan and Robyn, with some outstanding draw bowling, won eight of the next ten ends to win 21-15, This was Stan's first Championship win at Sorrento. Congratulations!

Women's Triples Championship

This event was played in mid January and early February. After the usual sectional play the teams going through to the semi finals were Liz Marshall, Wendy Saul and Lorraine Hyde who played Coral Smith, Jan Cook and Pauline Bourne. The other semi final was played between Wendy Flack, Kerry Hutchinson and Tracey Newman against Shelley Jeffs, Lee Leach and Robyn Van Mosseveld. After two exciting games

the final was played between Pauline, Coral and Jan against Robyn, Lee and Shelley. Congratulations to this year's Women's Triples Champions Pauline Bourne, Jan Cook and Coral Smith and to the Runners Up Robyn Van Mosseveld, Lee Leach and Shelley Jeffs.

Women's Novice Championships

A big day on the green today for these three ladies – Shonah Buckley, Jodi Neindorf and Demi Konig. A huge congratulations to you all on some beautiful bowls played and many tight heads. Congratulations to Jodi for winning our Women's Novice Championship and to Runner Up Shonah. Our future looks bright!!

Women's Fours Championship

Eight teams were divided into two sections. Section 1 was won by Robyn Van Mosseveld, Tracey Newman, Kerry Hutchinson and Shelley Jeffs. Section 2 was won by Pauline Marsden, Cheryl Greig, Jan Paniperis and Robyn Woodward

Oh! What a final between Robyn, Tracey, Kerry and Shelley against Pauline, Cheryl, Jan and Robyn!! Pauline's team started well, winning seven of the first nine ends when the score was 14-4. Robyn and her team came back, scoring six shots in the next two ends bringing the score to 14-10. By the 16th end they had taken the lead by two shots.

Members in Action

Runners up in Mixed Pairs

Jan and Demi Konig

Runners up in Ladies Triples: Shelley, Lee and Robyn

"Hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil" as per the three wise monkeys – Jan Cook, Wendy Saul and Kath Harris.

"Quote of the Day"

"I've missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot... and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

MICHAEL JORDAN (from Jack-hi August 2004)

On the 17th end Pauline's team picked up a five, giving them a 20-17 lead going into the 18th and final end. With great draw bowls being played by the Robyn and her team, as they picked up a four to win by just one shot, 20-21 with both teams having won nine ends.

Men's Singles Championships

In the first semifinal Barney Fleiser eased out to a 8-2 lead with some fine draw bowling, before Andy Elmer found his line and length to draw level near the half-way mark. A drive by Barney removed his only bowl from the head and Andy to score four. Andy pulled ahead to a 25-11 win. In the second semifinal, Rhett Butler established a 10-4 lead after 10 ends, before Ross Cunningham made inroads with some impressive bowls. The turning point was a quick run by Ross of a 3, 4 and 4 shots to give him a nine shot lead. Rhett continued to bowl well but the lead, it proved too large with Ross winning 25-20.

In the final between Ross and Andy scores were level after 10 ends. Thereafter Andy continued to draw well, but Ross managed to pull steadily away to run out the deserved winner at 25-12.

The Match Committee congratulates not only the finalists, but all entries for the sporting conduct displayed in this pinnacle club event. Congratulations to the greenkeeper for the quality of the greens at the end of a busy summer and Men’s Country Week.

Combining Men’s and Women’s events proved successful, and we will look into combined finals next season as 40-50 people turned up to watch, providing a good atmosphere.

Women's Singles Championships

In mid March the finals were played in perfect conditions alongside the Men's finals and in front of a sizeable and enthusiastic crowd.

In the first semifinal, Kaye Martin dominated the game with brilliant draw bowls and up shots, not giving Kath Harris any opportunity to score. The game continued this way until the 13th end, when Kaye trailed the jack to give Kath her only two shots in the game. In the second semifinal, Liz McTaggart and Charmain Harris had a very close game. With scores even at 14-14 on the 17th end it looked like anyone's game. However, Charmain pulled away picking up seven shots over the next four ends to win 21-14.

The final between Kaye Martin and Charmain Harris saw Kaye get off to a strong start, picking up seven shots in the first three ends. Charmain won an occasional end with a four on the 13th end keeping her in touch at 8-15. Kaye once again pulled ahead, winning the next three ends to be 19-8 up and looking to be guaranteed the championship. However, Charmain once again knuckled down winning five of the next six ends with just one shot to challenge at 13-21. Kaye's outstanding bowling continued and saw her win the game 25-13. – Match Committee

Life is so short

We spend so much time sweating the small stuff, worrying, complaining, gossiping, comparing, wishing, wanting and waiting for something bigger and better - instead of focusing on the simple blessings that surround us every day. Life is so fragile and all it takes is a simple moment to change everything you take for granted. Focus on what's important and be grateful. You are blessed! Believe it! Live your life and leave no regrets.

–Thanks to Melanie Koulouris and Ann Orton

10 Reasons “Why English is Weird”

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could be a good lead if he would get the lead out of his pants.

6. The soldier decided to desert his unit in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

Thanks to Ian Johnston for this useful list!

What Bowlers Say to Selectors?

We all know what a hard task being a Selector is as bowlers are inconsistent and won't play with certain people and spit their dummies when they are unhappy. When dear old Arthur Richards (a Spitfire pilot in WW2) was a Selector he was inclined to be unsympa-

thetic when someone complained and was often heard to say "Don't slam the door on your way out!"

Below are some of the comments Selectors receive:

• I put myself down on the Pennant application form as a Second (where I've played for years) and now I'm a Lead every week

• My husbands a much better player than 4th Division. He should be in 2nd Division

• Why am I in a different team each week?

• Why am I in the Duty Team so often?

• I have Skippered a team that has won nine of their last eleven games and I've now been demoted to a Third in a lower Division?

• Why is he a Skipper? He has no idea and can't read the head.

• I only really want to play home games. I don't want to travel away especially to play in a lower division

• Why would I bother filling out your Pennant form to tell you what position I want to play when you just put me where you want? I thought comments were there for Pennant players to tell Selectors their thoughts but apparently not!

• I have been playing Lead in Division 1 for 26 years and now I'm a Skip in a lower Division

Selectors at the pearly gates

Three bowlers stood at the pearly gates, Their faces were sad and old. They humbly asked the man at the gate, Admission to the fold.

“What have you done?”, St. Peter said, “To gain admission here”.

“Selectors sir, we have been For many a weary year”.

Some More Around Our Club

Our September 2017 Opening Day when with great difficulty we managed to get members to spell out our name on B green!

Guess who this bikie moll is at the Lance Classic! (In case you do not know a bikie moll is a female companion of a gangster) Answer on page 46

Graeme Whitehorn updated his profile photo on Facebook!

Congratulations to Peter Karhu who won the $5000 jackpot in mid February

The gates of Heaven flew open wide, As St. Peter pressed the bell.

“Come in at once and take a harp,

2021 Stats On Full Body Screening at

It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls. Just thought you'd like to know

Why You Should Not Gossip

InAncient Greece, Socrates had a great reputation for wisdom. One day, someone came to find the great philosopher and said to him:

"Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"A moment", replied Socrates. "Before you tell me, I would like to test you with the three sieves. "The three sieves? "Yes", continued Socrates. "Before telling stories about the others, it’s good to take the time to filter what you mean. I call it the test of the three sieves.

The first sieve is the TRUTH. Have you checked if what you’re going

to tell me is true?" "No, I just heard it. "Very good! So, you don’t know if it’s true".

"We will now continue with the second sieve, that of KINDNESS. What you want to tell me about my friend, is it good? –Oh, no! On the contrary. So, questioned Socrates, you want to tell me bad things about him and you’re not even sure they’re true?

Maybe you can still pass the test of the third sieve, that of UTILITY. Is it useful that I know what you’re going to tell me about this friend?

– No, really. So, concluded Socrates, what you were going to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor useful. Why, then, did you want to tell me this? “Remember Gossip is a bad thing. In the beginning it may seem enjoyable and fun, but in the end, it fills our hearts with bitterness and poisons us, too!”

– Pope Francis

Secrets for Club and Team Success?

Forrest Gump’s Mama always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get". In sport however, we see teams and clubs that consistently outperform their rivals, irrespective of their particular “box of chocolates”.

So, for those of us who remember Professor Sumner Miller – “Why is it so”. The Western Australian featured an article by Justin Langer where Justin summed up his reasons for the Scorchers success. These being:

• They celebrate success and this helps them build an environment of happiness and camaraderie, two powerful traits of success.

• They are like one big family. You can feel it and you can see it on and off the field because there is power and joy being part of a team.

• They have built a culture where there is constancy and an understanding of values and expectations.

• They prioritise attracting and then keeping players.

• They make sure strong leadership is a fundamental ingredient in their set-up.

• They rarely pivot away from their simple, tried and tested game plan.

• They know how to apply their tried and tested formula.

• They are a shining example of using simple but proved methodologies.

Stephen R. Covey, in his best selling book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, focuses on timeless principles of fairness, integrity, honesty, and human dignity.

He sets out seven habits that people (including teams and clubs) should follow to become more effective. These habits are:

• Habit 1: Be Proactive and focus and act on what you can control and influence instead of what you can’t.

• Habit 2: Begin "With the End in Mind". Define clear measures of success and a plan to achieve them.

• Habit 3: Put "First Things First". Prioritize and achieve your most important goals instead of constantly reacting to urgencies.

• Habit 4: Think "Win-Win". Collaborate more effectively by building high-trust relationships.

• Habit 5: Seek "First to Understand" and then to "Be Understood".

Influence others by developing a deep understanding of their needs and perspectives.

• Habit 6: Synergise - Develop innovative solutions that leverage differences and satisfy all key stakeholders.

• Habit 7: "Sharpen the Saw". Increase motivation, energy, and work/life balance by making time for renewing activities.

Sorrento is a complex community made up of over 900 free-thinking members. This represents a lot of experience, knowledge, talent and passion which, if harvested, can certainly make Sorrento an effective and highly recognised sporting and social club. But of course, it does require individual and collective contributions from all our members.

Let’s all put our shoulders to the wheel and “make it so”.

– Thanks to Justin Langer who inspired this article

The Case of Emily South

Whowas Emily South? Read on. Emily South had been a member of the St. Kilda Bowling Club for seven years and wanted to play at the highest level of competition. This was the Saturday afternoon competition, a Men’s competition that ran under the auspices of the Royal Victoria Bowls Association (RVBA). Her own club deemed her to be of sufficient standard to play but because she was female, the RVBA refused to register her.

When Emily took her case to the Victorian Equal Opportunity Commission, the RVBA defended their stance by using the “strength, stamina and physique” exception which applies in discrimination legislation. In other words, the RVBA tried to imply that Emily did not have sufficient strength or stamina and her physique was the wrong shape for her to play in the men’s competition. However, at the tribunal

hearing this defence by the RVBA was rejected on the grounds that strength, stamina and physique was not significant in "Lawn Bowls". In fact, an expert witness (a physician) put the case that women were more physically advantaged to play lawn bowls because their centre of gravity is lower. A woman’s centre of gravity is across her (child bearing) hips, whilst a man’s centre of gravity is across his chest making him far more likely to topple over.

The RVBA were ordered to amend its rules so as not to prohibit women. But many of our Sorrento men are ahead of the game and have been steadily working on their physique to lower their centre of gravity (if you can’t beat ‘em – join ‘em). And all with great success! Look across the greens and you will see that while chests are out stomachs are even further out! Keep it up guys as it has been proposed that the Men’s Saturday Pennants will include Mixed Gender from 2nd Division and below in the 2023-24 season and then be a completely Open Gender Competition in 2024-25. So, sort out your centre of gravity!

– Nerrida Porteous

So What Gender is a Computer?

Alanguage teacher was explaining that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "So what gender is a computer?" One of the students asked.

The teacher wasn't exactly sure and decided it would be a good idea to have the students decide what they thought the gender should be. So, the class was split into two groups by gender and were given 30 minutes to come up with their conclusion.

The male group decided that computers should be feminine because

• No one understands their internal logic.

• The language they use to communicate with each other is incomprehensible to outsiders

• All small mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later use

• Once you have one, you are continually spending money on accessories and upgrades.

Predictably the female group concluded that computers should definitely be masculine because

• They do absolutely nothing until you turn them on.

• They are full of data but are unable to think for themselves.

• They are designed to solve problems but for most of the time they are the problem.

• As soon as you get one you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model!

The Silver Years Certainly aren't Golden

1. People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.

2. Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.

3. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

4. It's weird being the same age as old people.

5. Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter either.

6. Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So, remember – Don't sing!

7. I see people my age mountain climbing. I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

8. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story anyway. “And Now You Know!”

Brian Rallies to the Call with A Skip in his Step

Fora long time now the name Alcock has been synonymous with building. Dale Alcock, the boy from Kellerberrin, established an empire in the housing industry. In more modern times, Brian Alcock, the boy from Boulder, is building a reputation as an up-and-coming Skipper at the Sorrento Bowling Club.

The pair are not related and have never met, but both their wives are named Janet, which led to a confusing and hilarious scenario once when the name Janet Alcock was called out with both Janets and Brian sitting in a doctor’s surgery waiting room.

Joining Sorrento only a couple of years ago, having not sent down a single bowl since 1988 in Port Hedland, Brian has made a rapid transition from a fledgling social bowler to a respected Pennants skipper. After firstly being approached by Rob Tozer and then Roger Palmer, Brian was appointed skipper at the start of this season with virtually no experience, except for a few games in social bowls, after stating

on a form he would play in any position in any division. As a result, Brian has been in charge of Sorrento’s Division 4 Gold teams on both Thursday and Saturday. His easy going, but firm, nature has served him and his teams well this season. Brian is acutely aware of what is going on around him on the green and what is required across the board to secure the aggregate.

But then, from the early days when he attended Boulder Central Primary School before transitioning to Eastern Goldfields Senior High School, Brian has been focussed. On leaving school, he gained an apprenticeship in diesel motor mechanics with the Metropolitan Transport Trust (now TransPerth). Those qualifications landed him a job with the Mt Newman Mining Company in 1972 and for more than 20 years he worked as a diesel mechanic in a locomotive workshop in Port Hedland. “I fell in love working on those big locomotives, they were a power station on wheels,” Brian said.

Brian met his wife in Port Hedland and together they raised a son and a daughter with sports of all descriptions playing a major role in their upbringing. But football, not bowls, grabbed Brian’s attention. He was selected as a back-up ruck man in the Panthers A-grade side which lost the Port Hedland grand final to Rovers in 1976.

Brian briefly had a crack at bowls at the South Hedland Club in 1988 but moved to Mullaloo in Perth soon afterwards as firstly a mechanical inspector and then in purchasing with BHP until he retired in 2014. Bowls would eventually appear again on the radar, and that came as no surprise after what his half-brother, Allan Spence, had achieved in the sport. Allan, a great all-round sportsman, boasts the phenomenal

record of having won the Goldfields singles championship 10 times, the pairs nine times, the triples on 11 occasions and the fours six times.

Brian also had a reputation, as a wicket-keeper, of standing right up to the stumps to very fast bowlers and on one occasion stumped a disbelieving Bob Simpson while playing for WA Country at the WACA.

So, now with plenty of spare time on his hands, Brian decided to give bowls another go and set off for the closest club to where he lived – Joondalup. But on finding the “welcome mat” was definitely

missing there, Brian jumped back in his car and headed for the Sorrento Bowling Club where he ran into a very obliging Trevor Orton – and the rest is history. For not the first time Sorrento’s friendly culture had prevailed.

And it’s no coincidence that unique culture has rubbed off on Brian who, as well as being a valuable, caring and popular skipper, very much has Sorrento’s best interests at heart.

– Jim Woodward

Silver Chain Charity Day

Our annual Silver Chain day was held in early March. Weather wise it was a very pleasant day but there were not as many players as we would have liked as only 31 social members turned up. We raised $265 and a good

time was had by all. The winners were Graham Bury, Ken Evans and Greg Boyd (Pictured) with Emily Dunn, Colin Scott, Peter Irvine and Frank Bomford as runners up.

– Barbara Spence

Thank you and Complementary Letters

Webeen donating to this underprivileged school for nearly a year. A bin here and there. So great to be giving back to the community and receiving recognition. A great inroad to increase our exposure to our government grants campaign, which we very much need to capture every grant. Heartfelt to know these kids could actually have a shower and be in safe environment and Sorrento made this happen.

– Ian Lucas

Sorrento Bowling Club’s overwhelming generosity in donating to Bentley Primary School’s Containers for Change fund-raiser supported our Year 6 students in attending an overnight camp in December 2022. This was the first camp that Bentley Primary School had attended and it was only made possible by the generous support of the wider community.

The camp took place at Woodman Point Recreational Camp and provided an opportunity for the students to experience many firsts, from vertical challenges to archery, and for some their first night away from home. As their teacher, I sincerely thank you for your support. It was a privilege to witness their excitement and happiness over the two days, and am truly appreciative of the part your club played in contributing to our fundraising efforts. With thanks,

– Laura Baines

Some Interesting Quotes

Did you know?

• "Bowls is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result"

• "Bowls is 20% mechanics and techniques. The other 80% is philosophy, humour, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation"

• "Playing bowls is like eating. It's something that has to come naturally"

• "An advantage bowls has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowl"

• "I got a new set of bowls for the wife. Best deal I've made in years!"

– Thanks to Peter McIntosh for these quotes

When "You" get to Heaven

Mike and Joe have been friends for years. When Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved bowls all our lives, and we played bowls on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's bowls there." " Mike, you've been my best friend for years. I'll do this favour for you.”

Joe sadly passes on. A couple of nights later, Mike is awakened by a blinding flash of light and a voice calling "Mike, Mike." "Who is it? Asks Mike. "Who is it?" "Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died!" "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,"

"Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have good news and bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's lawn bowls in heaven, our wives are here too

and are as young and pretty, old friends who died before us are here, we're all young again, it's always springtime and it never rains and best of all, we can play bowls.

" That's fantastic," says Mike. "So, what's the bad news?”

"You're in the team for this Saturday".

– Stan Brickell

Lorraine Sings Her Swan Song

Overthe years there have been comparisons between Lorraine Hyde and Dame Nellie Melba. The iconic Australian operatic soprano had a habit of making celebrated “farewell” appearances. And our own dear Lorraine has a few times indicated she was quitting bowls only to reappear once a new season came around.

But this time it is official. Lorraine has graced our greens for the last time. Turning 86 in August, Lorraine says now is the perfect time to give the game away. Lorraine made the big call immediately after Sorrento’s Division 1 Green North finals series and in the knowledge she had played an important role as a Skipper in helping that squad gain promotion to Division 1 White next season.

“My legs and arms don’t want to get out of bed these days,” she said. “I’ve been bowling for 48 years and it’s time.”

Starting with a six-year stint in the WA wheatbelt village of Beacon, Lorraine then spent 26 years with Wanneroo before what she described as 16 “very special” seasons with Sorrento.

For 33 of those years Lorraine was in top divisions, for most of that time as a Skipper, and for 15 summers as a selector at Wanneroo. Lorraine said she wanted to help care for several unwell family members and that she, herself, was retiring in “pretty good health”.

But, fortunately, that’s not the last we will see of Lorraine. She fully intends to cheer on her friends in Division 1 White next season and will continue making scones whenever Sorrento hosts big day events. Somehow that fits in with Dame Nellie Melba’s most famous song “Home Sweet Home.”

– Jim Woodward

WA Police Bowling Association vs Sorrento

Our annual match was held on a Tuesday in early March when 24 eager Sorrento players took on the Police. Despite winning 3½ of the 6 matches, we were defeated 84-76 by our visitors due to one lop-sided result. No names mentioned! Thank you all for trying your best. Next year, we’ll try to encourage some higher-division bowlers from our Club to take on a traditionally strong Police team and record a win after a string of recent defeats.

– Trevor Orton

A Kim Hughes Story

Ona recent cruise from Melbourne to Fremantle, Kim Hughes, ex Captain of the Australian cricket team, was a guest speaker. He recalled a story about Joel Garner, the 6ft. 6in. West Indian fast bowler, being interviewed by a female reporter. "Joel, you have long legs, long arms and large feet, is your body all in proportion?" Joel's reply "If I was in proportion, I would be 10ft. 6in."

Don't You Quit!

When playing for your side in a Pennant match; You're trying hard but you're not up to scratch; When your score's well down and you can't win an end, And your bowl won't finish where you intend; When you cut your grass, or you're short a bit; Just pause and think, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT.

Bowls is strange with its ups and downs, Sometimes there's smiles, sometimes there's frowns; You can have a wick for a real good pot, Yet weight may shift your only shot. Last week you won and were proud of it; This week you're down, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT.

All day luck goes with the other team; You try so hard but you're way off beam. If the jack is moved, it's not your way; You've never had such an awful day. But you're part of a side, so where's your grit; Fight for your Club, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT.

– Written by A.J. Tutt , Frank Tutt's brother

IF YOU DON'T VOLUNTEER DON'T COMPLAIN

Jim Woodward found this brilliant sign at the Inglewood Bowling Club and thought it might be something for our nonvolunteers to consider

ur first competition of the year was the annual “Australia vs the Rest of the World” competition. "Australia" won the “gong” for their patriotic attire; with “the others” winning the croquet! A great time was had by all – as always.

OA “Daft Doubles” competition was held by Cambridge Croquet Club on 18th February with two Sorrento pairs competing and both doing really well! In the end, Wendy Price and her sister Janice Davidson were the winners of the finals!

The GC Singles title was won by Jan Craddock, who won all her matches; and Wendy Price was the runner-up – losing only one match. Jan was defending her title of last year; and has now won it for two consecutive years! Congratulations, Jan, on your consistently high level of play.

The Golf Croquet (GC)

Doubles was held in early February and won by Sandy and Di with Janice and Wendy (the sisters) being runners-up; with Jan and Terry in third place.

A visit from the “Red Hat” ladies brought a colourful splash to our courts. Thanks to Jan and Terry, Sandy and Trish for welcoming the group and showing them the basic elements. We hope to encourage some interested members of the group to re-visit, and perhaps join, our Club.

In February, four visitors from Gainsborough CC in the UK visited Sorrento and enjoyed some good games in hot weather. Their colleagues in UK were very envious of our weather. The final game of the morning happened to be Sorrento vs Gainsborough, with Sorrento winning the game and both sides winning some new “friends”.

– Di McGivern

Emotions Run High as Grissy is Farewelled in Style

Thediverse makeup of the enormous throng of mourners who came to farewell Craig Grisbrook said it all. And the grief was palpable.

A gathering of about 300 people signalled in a manner loud and clear the impact Grissy had on those in attendance at his funeral – men and women of all ages, plus children, from all walks of life. Celebrant, close friend and at times an emotional David Wimbridge painted a stunning picture of a man who, at the age of 60, was taken way too early with the insidious condition of Mesothelioma.

With a picture of Grissy in healthier days happily looking down on those who had come to say goodbye, Grissy’s daughter, Elyce, her sorrow matched only by her strength, made it quite clear what a decent, caring and funny bloke her dad really was.

And the family inner circle at Pinnaroo on March 3 of Grissy’s wife, Anne, and son Mitchell, who is the spitting image of his father, and his wife Kat, also included his precious Golden Labrador Macie. Craig’s son-in-law Daniel had prepared a glorious collection of photos, with his favourite artist Kasey Chambers singing gently in the background, which showed Grissy – simply having a good time.

Then there was the strong contingent of Sorrento bowlers, those

who had played alongside Grissy included our former member Peter Balcombe, who had driven up from Dunsborough to pay his respects.

Having decided to join the club in 2003 Grissy was soon turned into a formidable first division third by Mick Martin and was so thrilled at winning our Club championship pairs with his mentor in 2016 that he kept the scorecard pinned to a wall in his house ever since.

Mick was the driving force behind the wake at our Club that followed Grissy’s funeral – and for the second time that day it was a case of packed to the rafters.

Pictured above is Grissy, second from the right in the front row. Records show that this was the "hot shot" 3 Blue team that won the 3rd Division finals.

Craig Harvey Grisbrook was born in Osborne Park in 1962 and grew up in Tuart Hill and Karrinyup – attending Karrinyup Primary School and then, reluctantly, Hale School. After completing his education, Craig completed a Carpentry/Builders Certificate which eventually led to him setting up his own handyman business which saw him building horse stables one day and then hanging up pictures for little old ladies the next.

He met his eventual bride, Anne, at the Overflow, which was part of the Nookenburra Hotel when he was 21 and she 17. After six years of enjoying each other’s company, Elyce was born in 1990 and Mitchell a couple of years later.

Grissy liked bowls because you could have a beer while you were playing. But having a beer and camping trips with his mates were absolute highlights for Grissy. On one such trip to Milligan’s Island, about 190kms north of Perth, Grissy got lost after a few beers one night and decided that if he yelled Cooee a few times his mates would come to the rescue. They could hear him hollering but didn’t know where the noise was coming from in the dark and went back to sleep. The next morning, they learnt Grissy had given up being rescued and had slept in the sand hills cuddled up to Macie.

Then on one holiday to Queensland with Anne and some friends Craig fell down some stairs where they were staying and broke a couple of ribs. Still sore when he got home, Grissy decided to have an X-ray, which ominously revealed shadows on his lungs – later to be confirmed as Mesothelioma which he contracted as a young man on a building site riddled with Asbestos. The fortunate aspect of the diagnosis was that Craig learnt of his condition before the symptoms set in and it was almost three and a half years before they cut him down.

That gave Craig, Anne, Elyce and Mitchell valuable time to spend together and that’s what they did until the very end. Hospitalised again in February, Grissy finally realised his time was up and insisted he be taken back home. Grissy had decided he wanted to do things on his own terms and he did it with dignity and deliberate intention. He knew it was time and he gave his family those last few precious hours.

– Jim Woodward

On the right Grissy and his son Mitch who played Stan and Dean Brickell in our annual "Fathers and Sons" Bowls competition

A smiling Grissy acknowledging the prestigious "Crab Award" he won for a misdemeanour. Mick thinks it was a wrong bias

What our Club Might Look Like in 2035

OUR MADAME PRESIDENT’S 2034/35 ANNUAL REPORT Welcome

On behalf of my Governing Council, I would like to welcome you all to our 2034/35 AGM. Once again we have had another stellar year. Membership increased to over 1200 in 2034. Unfortunately, efforts to increase the size of the clubhouse over the past 30 years have proved unsuccessful and members now have to attend our Club in shifts as seating is still 150.

Bowls

We can accommodate our 550 players with Pennant games now starting at 4pm, 8pm and midnight. The heat issues have been largely overcome but moon glare is starting to affect some players. The wives and husbands, left stranded at home during mealtimes, are pre-recording “Home and Away” as a way to pass the lonely evening hours.

The gender balance has been restored over the past decade with similar male and female membership numbers. This has been due in part to the increase in mixed gender and "open" gender competitions. Accurate numbers are problematic since members are now free to choose their gender identity before or during a game.

Club Championships

Once again Bruce Eagles and Pauline Bourne were our "Bowlers of the Year", The Club Championships have been well supported and the Mixed Singles was won by Pauline who beat Bruce in a tightly contested final with Pauline winning the nine end game 13-12

This year we had more than 150 entries for the Mixed Veteran’s Singles. We tried to restrict entries by increasing the eligible age from 60 to 80 but this did not help the Mixed Match Committee.

Our 2034/35 "Bowlers of the Year"

Congratulations to Pauline Bourne and Bruce Eagles for once again winning this prestigious award (Remember some of us age quicker than others)

Some of our members enjoying a game in 2035!

Note: Last year our uniforms changed to neutral colours (preferably white as still done at Wimbledon). Coloured uniforms were causing some dissension amongst members

Dreds (Alan Walton) who over the last ten years has lost all his hair and is now affectionately known as “Nude Nut”, keeps complaining that he will never be old enough to play in a Veteran’s competition. Anyway, Nude Nut skippered his team in the 2035 Club Men's fours final, being the youngest in the team, with Steve Bomford, Rhett Butler and Murray Hulbert all under 70. By contrast their opponents (Brian Saul, Peter Snow, Neville Odell and Tiger Hogan) were in the elite category of being nonagenarians (aged between 90 and 99) and what a game it was.

We can’t tell you about the winner at this time. Sports Australia’s anti-discrimination policy introduced in 2031 allows the losing side in a competition three months to lodge an appeal based on discrimination. This could be from intimidatory behaviour such as staring at your opponent, oppressive body language but excluding obesity, verbal insincerity, excessive flatulence when in an up-wind position, players changing their gender identity during a game, and a myriad of other offenses. So, I hope to bring you the results in my next report.

Selection

I would like to thank our Gender-Neutral Selection Committee for their efforts during this difficult year. Having fifteen ladies and one man as selectors has proved to be a success although we continue to have a problem with dummy spitters (no offense meant to babies) who continue to criticise selections.

Saulie is still a canny, crafty, shrewd, and astute old bowler! Peter Robson has fine-tuned his now Internationally accepted legitimate ROBBO and his short bowls continue to be effective in blocking the oppositions shots.

Unisex toilets

The introduction of unisex toilets has been a success and our ladies can now use a urinal when they wish and men can sit down even when not on the job (so to speak)! The new unisex showers are also appreciated by members, although this has caused some problems with mixed showering with some bowlers arriving home late for their tea, although smelling like a rose.

Synthetic green

Despite the wonderful efforts of our 12th "Synthetic Green Committee" annual cost escalations and supply shortages have kept the dream of a synthetic green just out of reach.

The latest proposal is for a two rink green and to reduce the cost further we will use old carpet tiles from the clubhouse for the surface. The proposal to sell the contents of the lost property box to help finance the cost of the synthetic was considered controversial by some and has therefore been abandoned as a lost cause.

Bar prices

Unfortunately, due to inflation and the Federal government’s new alcohol excise charge, we have had to again increase bar prices. From next month a pint of beer will cost $40 and a middy $26. Wine has also been increased and a glass of Oyster Bay will cost $24.

As per the regulations, alcohol is only served in paper cups which must be drunk quickly before the contents are lost through the bottom of the cup.

Awards

But not all bad news. I am happy to report that we have been nominated for the 2034/35 Bowls WA award for the most tolerant and compliant club in WA. Results will be released in 2037 after the appeal process has been completed.

– The Sorrento Bowling Club's Honorary Madame Lady President

Founding Mahjong Player

Yvonne

Watson, pictured, was one of the founding members of the Sorrento Mahjong Group, along with Lynne Penne, Peg Bamforth, Shirley Saunders and Sue Dowson. All were bowlers and in the off season they played cards.

Around winter 1997 they were invited by the President to learn how to play mahjong. The rest as they say, is history. Around 10 to 16 ladies play every Wednesday morning.

Yvonne married Arthur on 14 February 1948, and recently celebrated 75 years of marriage. They received congratulatory cards from King Charles, the Governor General David Hurley, the Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and the Governor of WA Chris Dawson. This remarkable achievement is shared only by 1% of all marriages worldwide. Heartiest congratulations to the happy couple.

Answer to Guess Who on Page 20

In case you did not recognise her, this is Nerrida Porteous.

Porteous Park And Ross Avenue

Overthe years I have been asked a few times if the Porteous Park located in Sorrento is “related” to our family. And more recently interest has been expressed by several people, including our own Neville Odell and Ken Foggo about the origins of this park which is located just to the west of Marmion Avenue and bordered by Parnell and Jerome Avenues and Porteous Road.

In 1955 Dad and Mum had split up and Dad had purchased some 10 acres of land in Sorrento on the old West Coast Highway which was just a narrow sealed track in those days. He had built with his own hands, a caravan park of sorts on the site which he operated for a number of years.

In those days the North Beach Bus Company as the name implies, ran the only public transport service to that area of the coast usually terminating at Waterman’s Bay. So, visiting Dad was an adventure but, with a sizeable journey ahead of us, we had to set out from our home in Mt Lawley pretty early.

From Watermans to Sorrento there were miles of bush and no homes of substance along the way just a few weekend getaways and fishermen’s huts. All accept one. Rob (my brother) and I used the “nice house” as a landmark as to how far we still had to walk. Can you imagine our surprise and shock when one weekend the “nice house” had been reduced to a pile of

rubble?

Now Dad (Keith Porteous) was the chairman of the Wanneroo Road Board and, as such, was a fountain of knowledge when it came to know what was going on in the area.

Evidently the “nice house” was lovingly built by a builder as his own home but it was later revealed that the building was on a future gazetted roadway. He had appealed to the Wanneroo Road Board to shift the road alignment so he wouldn’t have to demolish his house but not surprisingly, his appeal had failed.

As we locals know, the land along the coast is riddled with outcrops of limestone which had to be removed before any building commenced. Clearing the land with the troublesome limestone was difficult and so, quite often, gelignite was used. Now, unfortunately (or fortunately) the builder of the “nice house” had stored in his laundry a quantity of the said gelignite. Did It become unstable over time? For suddenly there was a spontaneous explosion. It blew up! The whole house was flattened. Not a wall left standing.

It was fortunate there was no one home at the time and the owner was able to claim on insurance. How lucky!!!!!

Dad eventually subdivided the land on which the caravan park sat naming the southern boundary Ross Avenue after me and the northern boundary Robin Avenue after my brother. Later the Wanneroo Council named Porteous Park after my Dad in recognition of the work he had done over the years.

– Ross Porteous

Australia versus the "Rest of the World"

Atotalof 63 bowlers registered for this annual event, sponsored by Spraggon and George. Entries were relatively evenly matched between Australia and the Rest of the World, although a couple of late-nominating Australians were surprised to find themselves reassigned for the afternoon to balance the numbers.

Eight rinks of fours were contested, with teams created by Trevor Orton in a delicate balance of abilities and interests. Matches were played on over 18 ends under very pleasant conditions.

In contrast to 2022, when ROW suffered a flogging, this time around the "foreigners" triumphed by five rinks to three and 132 shots to 118. The highest winning margin was recorded by Bob Mulroy’s team (playing for ROW in case you could not tell from his accent), followed by Ron Rogers (Australia). Prizes for best national costume went to Charmain Harris (ROW) and the Hutchinsons (Aus). The contest was played in very good spirits, and the sausage sizzle put on afterwards by Ian Lucas and his helpers was greatly appreciated.

– Dan Greig

Volunteers at Our Gala Day

Our Ladies Gala Day

Inearly January 30 teams competed in howling winds and a drop in temperature in the afternoon which made it challenging but at least it wasn't 39 degrees!!

The hampers, wine bottle raffles, the money sheets and the book stall raised a fantastic $1900 to add to the entry profits. Thank you for the contributions from all the Pennant ladies, Social members and other members for making this happen.

Wendy and her helpers Lorraine, Pauline, Jenni, Coral and Jan did an outstanding job with lunch and nibbles. A very big thank you to Peter Flack and Colin Jasper who came to do the dishes, you are most welcome to join our section any time.

The presentation of the tables was unique with special table cloths, gifts of honey and bundles of lollies.

Congratulations to the winners: Shaan Saunders, Deb Saunders, Lily Rughoobur and Lyn Moffat (Composite). The day was a great success and, once again, thank you to all the helpers.

– Charmain and Shona

An Explanation of Life

WhenGod created the cow, He said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

When God created the dog, He said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).

When God created the monkey, He said, "Entertain people, do some tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again (heavy sigh).

When God created man, He said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren and for the last ten years we sit around the house and bark at everybody.

LIFE HAS NOW BEEN EXPLAINED.

– Thanks to Denis Croker for this useful information

Did you hear that?

• After a game “TB” could not find his car keys? After locating them in his bowls bag he happily went off to his car. He got halfway to the gate when somebody said “who’s wallet and bowling stick is this?” Guess what? He was even happier!

• In a Thursday Pennant game, a Second who was scoring tried to give the opposition an extra five shots until the opposition Second convinced him that they only had 27 shots and not 32?

• A Skip, after reading the fixture list, thinking he had a home game arrived at the Club to find that his match was at Glen Forest. He was very “ANGRY” and left in a hurry, forgetting to take his bowls bag. But, fortunately, one of his team mates had spare bowls!

• During a 2-4-2 roll up, when the kitty went into the ditch, the white marker was put on the edge of the grass not the bank. Everyone realised that it was a very "GRAY" area

Some Useless facts

• Crickets make their chirping noise by rubbing their special body parts together

• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain! Maybe we have something in common!

“Spider’s Web of Intrigue”

Frank's Injury

The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the lectern.

She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.

"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain". We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank". The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum." – Thanks to Brian Lucas for this story

Sorrento's 2007/8 Men's Pennant Teams

Thanksto Ron Burroughs for this summary of our Men's Pennant teams from 15 years ago. It is indeed sad to see how many of our fellow bowlers are no longer playing bowls for Sorrento for one or other reason:

Editor's Note:

We are all hoping that some of the above will return to Pennant bowls as we need some more good bowlers.

Tribute to Judy Campbell

Tribute from Moira Dean Judy Campbell left us on 6 January 2023. It was the Annual Sorrento Gala Day, a day she loved and supported every year. We held a wake for her at the Club on 12 January.

This remarkable woman, with her passion for the Sorrento Bowling Club, will be missed. She was a hard taskmaster and her understanding of the rules and etiquette of the game was legendary.

Those of us at her wake told stories and laughed, as friends contributed with their own experiences of Judy. Her daughter, Tracey, and son-in-law, Ken, brought photos, badges and other memorabilia. They were so pleased we had honoured Judy by meeting together. Her friend Merwyn Mills-Stewart, who was a former member of Sorrento, also attended. They were very close and she described their friendship as "like sisters".

The ladies provided a nice spread with savoury and sweet things to have with a glass or two of wine. It was fitting that the table was decorated in red, black and white (her favourite colours) and spots as Judy loved spots. May she rest in eternal peace, her love and passion for the game always remembered.

Tribute from Kevin Coffey

Judy was a multi-faceted person with a strong will and always spoke her mind. But the Judy who regularly helped out with the Joker over many years was amazing. Even as she became less mobile, she would at times accept a lift down to our Club to be part of the group.

Judy was a proud supporter and sponsor of the “Scroungers” winter Competition and in the last few years attended when her health allowed, She sponsored the end of season food and contributed to the prize pool in 2022.

Judy would occasionally give me a verbal serve but she had the spirit in her that accepted a strong reply. She liked a laugh, she was fun but she was also quite private. For some people Judy was a PITA but to those of us who knew her well and understood her she was a hidden Gem. She had many older friends and colleagues at the club of whom she spoke fondly. Judy, love her or hate her she will be missed by her friends at Sorrento

–In Loving Memory of my friend Judy Campbell.

Left: Judy and her dear friend Michelle

Right: Judy, Kevin and Bob – the Joker team for many years

Robyn and Judy supporting our bowlers

The famous "Measuring Tape" given to Lee Leach by Judy

Sorrentolady bowlers turned out in force in club uniform to form a guard of honour at the funeral for Helen Ironside who sadly passed away on New Year’s Day. During an emotional service, which included some of the magnificent music she loved, mourners were given a glimpse of the busy life Helen led and her passion for her family, travel and the West Coast Eagles.

Heartfelt tributes were delivered by her son Craig, granddaughter Maddie, a cherished friend Ray Almore and her former boss Terry Flanagan. Helen joined our club in 2007 and a year later won both the Ladies’ Novice Championship and the Ladies’ Open Novice Championship. These were great achievements and she was very proud of what she had done. During her 15 years at our Club Helen served on the Match Committee and along with her husband, Jim, took on volunteering jobs around the place. She and Jim were part of the team which assisted outside parties coming into the club for social bowling events.

Helen enjoyed making cards, a passion which kept her very busy. But it was her love of travelling for which she will be well remembered. There were bowling trips to Fiji and Colley and mourners were told of Helen’s wide variety of extensive trips around Australia and overseas. The story was told of how, although Helen knew she wouldn’t see Craig as often after he went to live in New Zealand, she was very excited at the prospect of going to the Shaky Isles to visit him. Our thoughts are with Jim and her family and she will be missed by all her friends.

–Sonia, Denise and Lee

Helen with some of the volunteers who have helped Ken Giles with the various groups wanting to learn how to play bowls

Helen and Jim with their good friends Ron and Betty

Empty chair

Someday you’ll be in a place

And you think no one is there

Someday you’ll remember a face

As you look at an empty chair

It may be only in your mind But you know they are there You will look and you will find A loved one in the empty chair

Someday you may ask “Why”?

So little time to share Memories of the last goodbye

As you gaze at the empty chair

So many things you had to say Now the memories are everywhere In your heart you’re never far away From the one in the empty chair

Memories stay, loved one’s gone Memories everywhere

Memories stay, you move on With the one in the empty chair

– Ron Hutchinson