No 100– Our 1st Edition for 2025
Special thanks to Barry Bradshaw and Ray Green the Sponsors of our new shirts
From Your Editor
Welcome to the 100th edition of our News Magazine! Since 2007, Denise and I have had the pleasure of producing these editions, with tremendous support from our members. We want to extend a heartfelt thanks to all our contributors and proof-readers who have helped us along the way. We also take this opportunity to wish all our readers a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2025 ahead!
As your fearless editors, the 'Oddies' – otherwise known as 'Noddell and Doddell' – we’re back at it, doddery, tottery, and slightly more wobbly! At age 84, we’ve become masters of the shuffle and the stumble even if we need a few extra minutes to catch our breath! So grab a cuppa and enjoy this special 100th edition!
Some more "Did you Hear" and "Did you Know" Did you hear that the Booroodabin Bowls Club, in Newstead, Queensland, has had to forsake much of what was once at the core of a traditional lawn bowls club. There is some sadness with the passing of the years and with them the slowing down of a very proud game. There is, however, no sadness at the fading memories of the ‘topless years’ when topless ladies served at the bar three days a week. Testament to what desperate clubs will do to survive. The current membership, merely caretakers of the club, has embraced a new model of broader community engagement to ensure the club survives. (Editor's Note: Is this an option for our Club?)
Did you know Barney Fleiser courted his wife, Gillian, for 11 years before proposing marriage! When asked by his father-in-law why he had waited so long he replied – "I wanted to marry an older woman!" Did you hear about Jim Portwood’s latest stand for fashion freedom?
Peter Auguston and and Steve Buckley
Mal Burton looking thirsty
Around Our Club
Brownie, Graeme and Brian: The Three Wise Men
Keith, Sandra and Evan
Jo and Ray Sutton
New member Les Adkins
Anne and Trevor supporting the Scorchers
Rose Gannaway who is always prepared to help around our Club
Left: Ross hard at work in the Match Office
Right: The 3 Amigos–Tony, Ken and Pat
John, Paul, Larry, Gary and Gerald
He told Charmain that he was not prepared to wear a frock for the new Open Gender Pennants. “I draw the line at floral prints and ruffles” he declared, sounding more like someone prepping for battle than a friendly game of bowls. Charmain, ever the sharp-witted one, sized him up with a raised eyebrow and replied, "Oh Jim, darling, no one was asking you to wear a frock. We were thinking more along the lines of a tasteful kaftan. It’s breezy and hides a multitude of sins. You’ll love it!" Paul Ramsey, always with an ear to the ground overheard and couldn't resist joining in. “Wait – are we talking petticoats, liberty bodices, chastity belts and spencers too? Because I’ll need time to rummage through Nan’s old wardrobe if that’s the case!”
Did you know Ron Rogers celebrated his 67th birthday in Paris! If any of our male bowlers need a recap of ‘Emily in Paris,’ just ask Ron – he’s seen every episode! Thanks to John Godfrey for this useful recommendation! Photo on the left is "Emily" and photo on the right is: "Emily/ Ron in Paris"
Did you hear about a seasoned elderly player known for her quiet demeanour who suddenly found herself in the spotlight. After years of playing steady, but unspectacular bowls, she stepped up for a crucial shot in the club championship and bowled with such power that her bowl not only knocked the jack into the ditch but also bounced into her opponent’s bowls bag. She turned to the stunned crowd and said, “I’ve been holding that one in for 50 years!” The entire club erupted into laughter.
Believe it or not, lawn bowls has seen its own love drama. In
Some Odds and Ends
New Zealand, a bowls club found itself in hot water when two of its members, embroiled in a romantic triangle, got into a heated argument on the green. Apparently, bowls wasn’t the only thing rolling that day, as tempers flared and harsh words were exchanged. The club had to hold a special meeting to cool down the situation, and membership renewals were a little awkward that year.
Did you know that during their time in South Africa, one of our members, Michael Hughes and his wife Klair were stand out underwater hockey players? They discovered that this sport isn’t just about physical fitness – it’s also about strategy, breath control, and trying not to laugh when a team mate’s snorkel makes an amusing noise! They tell us the game resembles a frantic, aquatic ballet, with players surfacing and diving in a carefully choreographed chaos and that it’s not all about lung capacity, but it’s just as much about teamwork—passing the puck with precision and dodging opponents.
Now, Klair and Michael have floated a new idea that’s sure to make waves at our ClubUnderwater Lawn Bowls! Soon, members could be donning flippers and masks, aiming at the jack while navigating the odd fish or friendly crab. In this daring new sport, we will need to swap our traditional bowls outfits for snorkels and fins. The goal will be to gracefully glide through the water and deliver that perfect underwater draw shot whilst making sure to watch out for any curious crabs!!
Did you know that we had to pay the Warwick Bowling Club $10000 to get them to agree to transfer Brian Tucker to our Club? This was a bit of a shock as in previous transfers we got Bobridge, Ockleford
Some
More Odds and Ends
Anne-Marie and John De Rosa our Treasurer
Spider Webb after his hip operation
A stunning photo of a Sorrento pink rose, captured by Paul Ramsey on a rainy afternoon.
Bob tells me that this was photoshopped. He had given Shelley a bouquet and someone had then changed it into an ice cream cone
and Dunstan for free!
Did you hear that Kerri and Peter Mogan discovered a three-year-old dugite – a snake at its most venomous age and season – hiding out in their room? When the snake busters arrived, they noted an injury on the snake’s back that looked like it had been stepped on by a dog’s paw. Sadly, it explained the sudden passing of their beloved dog, Indi.
"Disclaimer: The snake has been depicted at a rather enthusiastic scale for dramatic effect. Actual size was a bit less heart-stopping!"
Did you know that we have a number of long term Sponsors? The following 12 have supported our Club as follows:
√ Aussie Clothes Lines 9 years
√ Barbaro Butchers 7 years
√ Bowra Panel and Paint 7 years
√ Brads Barbershop 11+ years
√ Duncraig Fresh/IGA 10 years
√ Duncraig Physio 10 years
√ Egoli Place of Gold 7 years
√ Eyes On Optometrist 6 years
√ Helloworld/Jetset 11+ years
√ Safeway Security 11+ years
√ Trevors Carpets 10 years
√ BCIB 11+
Did you know that in October, Jonathan Cochrane, a passionate South Africa bowler, set out to break the Guinness World Record by playing at the most lawn bowls clubs in a single day. Starting at Fish Hoek Bowls Club, he aimed to visit ten clubs across Cape Town,
surpassing the previous record of eight. Cochrane played five rounds at each location and travelled exclusively on public transportation or on foot, covering a 50 kilometres. Although he completed the attempt, verification from Guinness World Records is still pending. His motivation behind this record attempt was to raise awareness and appreciation for lawn bowls in South Africa, emphasizing the sport’s accessibility across age, race, and ability levels.
Did you know that calling out "Weight" on the bowling green might soon be a thing of the past? That's right, apparently, saying "weight" could rub a few bowlers the wrong way – especially those who’ve perhaps indulged in one too many beers and/or sandwiches. Instead, commentators are suggesting we call it "speed" to keep things politically correct! Imagine telling your Lead, "Just a tad more speed on the next one, mate" and watching their puzzled look. Next, they'll be telling us to say "directionally enhanced" instead of "wrong bias!" So, here’s to holding onto our weighty traditions – whether they’re light, medium, or full-bodied.
Did you know that, in 2007, our By-laws stated that if there was a State event, a Gala Day, a Club Championship or Pennants were being played then whites or Club colours had to be worn for any practice games or roll up? This applied until 3.30pm! This upset men wanting a roll up so it was eventually changed!
Complaints
• "Why was my name not included in the GOAT article on page 28 of the last news magazine #99? I am a very good bowler!"
• "Why was my name included in the GOAT article on page 28 of the last news magazine #99? This was embarrassing as I don't want everyone to know how good I am!" (Editor's Note: This was supposed to be a amusing article and Sorrento bowlers
were drawn from a hat so that we would not be accused of favouritism!)
• "Why did I have to play on the slow grass green as I prefer the synthetic?"
• "Why did I have to play on the fast synthetic as I prefer the slow grass?"
• "Why did Barney Fleiser use his 25 year-old wedding photo on his new advertising sign on B - green?"
• Why don't the Sorrento Match Committee make sure the results from a Saturday's Nominated Pairs are published in the West Australian? (Editor's Note: This complaint was made by a visiting bowler from Cambridge so it was ignored!)
• "Why is my Lead always short?"
Compliments
"Great mag. Huge amount of thought and effort is evident here. Well done. Keep up the great work!" – John Roberts
"I always look forward to the magazine – it’s the perfect length for a good nap!" – Reginald "Wrong Bias" Bottomley
"Your magazine is like my favourite sitcom – I enjoy it in small doses, and sometimes I’m not sure if it’s meant to be funny."
"I keep the magazine in my toilet – no better place to reflect on the latest updates! It would be great if the pages were perforated as this would make it easier to use."
– Neville and Denise Odell
"Snippets, Titbits and Bits: 2007 to 2024
While we can’t complete for longevity with the world’s oldest magazine – the London Magazine, or Gentlemen’s Monthly Intelligence 1772 (the mind boggles at the topics featured), our magazine has reached a significant historical milestone – its 100th
Some Photos from the Past
Bowlers of the Year
2007: Ron Rogers and Myrtle Raven
2008: Niel Adams and Moira Dean
2009: John Collishaw and Denise Odell
2010: Moira Dean and Ron Kuziela
2011: Bruce Eagles and Kath Harris
2012: Ron Kuziela and Fran Bracknell
2013: John Godfrey and Wendy Saul
2014: Ron Kuziela and Liz Marshall
2015: Alan Wood and Coral Smith
2016: Brian Collins, Greg Taylor, Brian Lucas (three-way tie), and Jackie Maxwell
2017: Chris Lander and Pauline Bourne
2018: Ross Cunningham and Nerrida Porteous
2019: Bruce Eagles and Nerrida Porteous
2020: Murray Hulbert and Pauline Marsden
2021: Ross Cunningham and Pauline Bourne
2022: Dan Nicholls and Liz Marshall
2023: Peter Flack and Robyn van Mosseveld
2024: Bruce Eagles and Wendy Saul
Some hoons built this erection on our B-Green
edition. The Club's newsletter was started by life member Graeme Whitehorn in 1998, continued by another life member Ian Wittber and then taken over in 2007 by Denise and me. The Club Newsletter/ Magazines have chronicled much of the Club’s history, captured its culture and hopefully informed and entertained its membership.
Reflecting on our 17 years as editors, we've uncovered cherished moments, heartwarming victories, quirky traditions, and memorable mishaps. Among the countless good memories, special moments, and fun snippets, selecting the true highlights wasn’t easy. Please note that we decided to exclude Life Member awards and Championships already listed on our Club's Honour Boards.
So enjoy our summary and please note we are looking for members who are prepared to find the missing "Highlights".
Volunteering
Over the past 17 years volunteers played a critical role and were recognized in most editions. At one point, 25% of our members were active volunteers. We have held "Volunteer Appreciation" events to acknowledge our valuable vollies.
Facilities and Infrastructure
Newer members would have trouble conceiving how small the original clubhouse was. The wall containing the dart boards was the western end and the row of pillars was the southern end. The kitchen was located in the northern end of the bar. A major refurbishment was undertaken in 2008, and a number of extensions shifted the walls to their current locations.
A Major Highlight
After eight years of planning, our synthetic green was eventually
commissioned in March 2024 at an "Opening Ceremony". This was indeed a highlight and continues to be well utilised on Monday afternoons. We also installed solar panels, a modernized POS system, and improved our CCTV.
Special Days
We celebrated Sorrento’s 30th anniversary ("Pearl") and 40th anniversary ("Ruby") and are looking forward to our "Golden" Anniversary in 2026. Over the years we have got together on Anzac Day, Australia Day, Melbourne Cup Day. We held a number of "Black and White Awards" dinners and Christmas in July events. Each year, our ladies played our men on "Opening Day" for the Des Bennett Memorial Trophy. The Annual Ladies Gala Days generating substantial funds. Our annual Silver Chain, Beyond Blue, Heart Foundation, and Cancer Days to raised funds for these organizations. We also held "Morning teas" to raise funds for Cancer Research.
Events and Hosting
We hosted a “Meet Steve Glasson” evening, the Under 18 Quad Series, and the 2024 Australian Championships, the Police Bowling Championships, the Annual Country Week, “Get on the Green”, “Darts vs. Bowlers” Day and ‘Bowlers vs Croquet” days. For many years we have held weekly "Twilight" bowls from 4.30pm. We have held our well known "Dash for Cash" bowls days as well as several "Trevor Carpets" events. In the winter our Sunday morning "Scroungers" event continues to be popular. Our Community Bowls has also proved to be very popular over the years.
Membership Growth
Over the last 17 years, our membership increased from 500 to over 900. This was partially due to a successful “Welcome Day” which brought in 130 new members.
Achievements and Awards
We have received the following awards from Bowls Australia, Bowls WA and Clubs WA:
√ 2012 Bowls WA Most Outstanding Metropolitan Bowling Club of the Year
√ 2013 Clubs WA Medium Club of the Year
√ 2015 Bowls WA Most Outstanding Metropolitan Club of the Year
√ 2016 Clubs WA Medium Club of the Year
√ 2017 Clubs WA Medium Club of the Year
√ 2018 Bowls WA Metropolitan Club of the Year
√ 2018 Clubs WA Medium Club of the Year
√ 2018 Coach of the Year
√ 2019 Inauguration into Clubs WA Hall of Fame
√ 2019 Runner up - Bowls Australia’s Best Bowling Club award
√ 2020 Finalist in Bowls WA Most Outstanding Club of the Year
Friday Evenings
Ross and Trish's Cafe Sorrento provided delicious meals for ten years, and we were disappointed when this was discontinued. We have, however, enjoyed a Joker Jackpot and meat raffles on most Friday evenings.
Some Photos from the Past
Brownlow Winners
2006/07 I Linford
2007/08 R Bone
2008/09 R Bone
2009/10 I Linford
2010/11 A Anderson
2011/12 G Murray
2012/13 G Murray
2013/14 D Woodrow
2014/15 G Murray and P Crow
2015/16 R Bone
2016/17 C Lander
2017/18 C Lander
2018/19 S Loftus
2019/20 C Lander
2020/21 C Lander
2021/22 R Butler
2022/23 R Butler
2023/24 M Hulbert
Clive Adams and Steve Glasson visit Sorrento
Brownlow Award
We have listed the winners of the annual "The Brownlow" award. For readers who don't know about this award it is for the best player for in the Men’s top side in the Saturday Pennant competition.
Comparisons
Over the years we have compared lawn bowls to cricket, golf, crown bowls, snooker/pool, curling, tennis etc.
Clubs within the Club
Our Darts, Croquet and Mah-jong Clubs continued to flourish. We have recently started hosting the “Godiva's Red Hat Ladies".
Selection
We were not surprised to find that in every year, there were complaints, whinges, and observations about our selectors (usually from members who have never served on a Selection Committee).
Miscellaneous
Our Umpires and Coaches made many contributions over the years and we always enjoyed reading "Hot Hints from Heardie." In 2018, Men’s Thursday and Saturday teams won promotion to Premier Division. ABBA guided us through the two-year COVID-19 pandemic. Other Awards During the Men's Pennant seasons some of our bowlers qualified for the "Crab Award" when they had a wrong bias or some other misdemeanour.
Strategic Planning
Long-term planning commenced in 2007 with the production of “2020 Focus-Planning for the Future of the Sorrento Bowling Club” and a subsequent iteration in 2015 titled “Continuing to Thrive Beyond 2025”. At this stage we decided to change from an Executive Committee to a Governing Council.
Membership Growth
From its humble beginnings in 1976 with twelve members our Club has grown to its present-day numbers of around 900.
The Next 17 Years
Finally we would like to thank all our contributors and proof readers. As we move into 2025, our journey continues.
– Neville and Denise Odell (with help from Brian Lucas)
Men's Dash For Cash #4
The last Dash for Cash of the winter season, attracted an unusually small field of 12 teams. A late withdrawal of a team from Yanchep meant some active recruitment was required the day before, in order to reach even numbers. Thank you to the four Club members Alan Gallagher, Brian Collins, Egon Mikolajczyk and Jeff Thomson, who volunteered at the last minute.
The small number of teams meant that only one green was required, and our new synthetic green provided a nice fast surface for the event. Only two teams remained undefeated, these being skipped by Gary Booker from North Beach (4 wins+26 shots) and Sorrento’s Bruce Eagles (4 wins+16 shots), these two taking out the major prizes. Thanks again to the long term sponsor (Safeway Security Screens), and to our ladies for providing morning tea and lunch.
– Dan Greig
A Tribute to Brian Kiely
The bowling fraternity of Perth has lost a true gentleman in every sense of the word, with the peaceful passing of Brian Kiely at Sir Charles Gardiner Hospital on Thursday, 15 August. Brian was
a beloved member of the Sorrento Bowling Club, a Premiershipwinning bowler with Cambridge Bowling Club, and a player who racked up numerous first Division games with North Beach, Cambridge, and Sorrento.
Brian was a gentle giant, both on and off the green, loved and respected by teammates and opponents alike. His towering presence, both physically and in spirit, will be deeply missed by all who knew him.
Patrick Kelleher reflects, "Such a great man! Taught me a lot about the awesome game of bowls down at Sorrento! Gona miss ya, mate!" This sentiment is shared by many, including Ross Bolton, who remembers Brian as a "terrific bloke" and a "great teammate" who played 201 Premier League games at Cambridge and countless others at Floreat before the clubs amalgamated. Even in his later years, Brian’s commitment never wavered, as he continued to play every Thursday during the winter months at Cambridge.
Brian’s kindness and warmth made him a true gentleman. Stein Davies expressed it best: "Sad news, one of the greatest gentlemen on and off the green." Peter Morgan added, "A bigger gentleman you will never meet. Will be sadly missed."
Brian’s sense of humour and humility were equally memorable. His legacy isn’t just in the trophies he helped win, like the Premier Division grand final in 2012 with Chris Lander’s team, but in the friendships he forged and the respect he earned.
Beyond bowls, Brian was a remarkable athlete and leader. His incredible contributions to the North Beach Amateur Football Club, where he played 227 games, earned numerous best-and-fairest awards, served as a captain, coach, and President, was recognized with his induction into the Western Australian Amateur Football League’s Hall of Champions – a colossal honour he humbly accepted at a black-tie dinner at Perth’s Crown Casino.
Brian's legacy at Sorrento is more than just the games he played; it is the lasting impact he had on everyone who had the privilege of knowing him.
Rest in peace, Brian. You were indeed a gentle giant, Big Fella. Your presence, your kindness, and your stories will live on in our hearts forever.
– Your Sorrento friends
"Some
Sarcastic Sledges" (S.S.Ss)
* Skip says to Lead, "Where have you been all game?" Lead replies, "Down at the pub looking for a decent Skip."
* Hit that bowl. I can only see half of it. Well, hit that half. The other half will go with it.
* You are in the right postcode, but you need more stamps.
* Skip asks, "Which is the danger bowl?" Third says, "The one in your hand!"
* Your best two bowls were in the roll-up.
* Skip tells his Lead, "You are the second-best Lead in the club." The Lead questioned the Skip, "Who is the best Lead in the club?" The Skip replied, "Everyone else."
* Player releases an average bowl and turns to walk away back to the bank. Skip shouts out, "Turn around and watch; if I have to
look at that rubbish, then so do you."
* One of our mates was playing Nathan Rice in the Aus Open a few years back. He was down about 19-1, and we yelled out, "Go easy on him, Ricey." Without blinking, he shot back, "I am."
* While bowling not so well, a mate of mine said, "Fall over and fake an injury so I can get a replacement." It was a classic; I chuckle about it still to this day.
* Skip says to the Third, "What is the bowl worth?" Third says, "About $125."
* Second: "Where's the jack?" Skip: "Why didn't you ask that before you put the first bowl down?"
* Apart from your line and length, it was a good bowl.
* Remember "Don't poke the Bear".
A Thank You to Some of our Members
Aspecial
thank you to the following members:
• Croquet member. Rose Gannaway who looks after our coffee machine, and helps on Fridays with the meat raffle
• Cheryl Saul who looks after our Library
• Gerald Hanna's Gardening Gang now known as the "Gee-gees". (See separate article on page 25)
• Mark Douglass who is now a Bowls Australia accredited Umpire.
• Paul Knight who is now a Bowls Australia accredited Coach
• Wendy' Flack's "Refresh team" who organised our beautiful new shirts
• Peter Flack who ran the very successful Monday afternoon Triples in the winter and Lindsay Baker who manned the bar
• Richard Bone for preparing numerous important policy documents
• Denis Croker and Wendy Flack for refreshing our website
• Sturkie, who makes sure our windows are sparkling clean
• Ray Green and Barry Bradshaw for their generous donation of $15000 for our new Club shirts
• Peter Crow for donating $500 for the purchase of seedlings and fertiliser for the upgrading of our gardens
• Trevor Orton for once again producing our annual Fixture Booklet and Denis Croker who has updated our "Club Information" booklet used for new members
• Paul Ramsey and Gerald Hanna for the music on the green that they have been providing
• Rob Tozer for once again agreeing to Chair the Selection Committee whilst continuing to drive volunteers for the City Of Stirling
• Jim Woodward who has done more than 100 Welfare Reports
• Charmain Harris, Anne Orton, Cheryl Greig and Shona Carter for helping out in the office in the mornings before the bar opens.
• ABBA and Pat who for 10 years have acted as bookmakers at our Melbourne Cup Days
• Larry Perry who is now helping as Club Supervisor. (It needs to be understood by our members that our Club is supervised to allow members and visitors to use the whole club (bar, greens, halls, meeting rooms etc).
See article on page 46 for some other volunteers. Apologies if your name is not on the above list. Your Editors are getting old and don't always know who is doing what to help our Club!
Gerald’s Gardening Gang (the "Gee-Gees")
MostSorrento members arriving at our Club will have noticed the improved appearance of the front garden area just inside the main entrance. If you haven’t seen it yet, take a moment to admire
the transformation made by a newly formed group of enthusiastic and hard-working members. Led by Gerald Hanna, this team—let’s call them Gerald’s Gardening Gang – includes Paul Ramsey, Brian Alcock, Ian Munro, Peter Flack, and John Sturk.
Over the past months, Gerald’s Gardening Gang has been busy planting new flowers, trimming trees, fertilizing, spraying, resealing the pavers, painting, and, of course, doing plenty of weeding.
Gerald’s persistence in realizing his long-held gardening vision is a testament to his enthusiasm and determination to improve not just the front yard but the entire exterior of our Club.
The enhanced look not only benefits our members but also leaves a positive impression on visiting clubs, reflecting the pride we have in our wonderful bowling community. This is yet another example of the great things that can be achieved by a dedicated group of Sorrento volunteers. Bravo to the Gee-Gees!
– Des Russell
Getting to Know Our Members Quiz
Ifyou know the answers to these questions please send us an email at nevodell@bigpond.net.au and you will be in the draw for a bottle of wine.
1. Who worked for the Post Office in 2010 delivering letters on a 80cc motor bike and whose sister is a better bowler than he is?
2. Which of our members wanted to be a Nun when she was at school and who now plays bridge at a "National Master" level?
3. Which husband and wife call each other "Sam"?
Cancer Day 2024
In September, we hosted our annual Cancer Charity Day, and while the weather was mostly kind, a strong afternoon breeze added an extra challenge to the bowling! Despite the tricky conditions, participants embraced the fun and camaraderie of the day.
Congratulations to our winners: Anne Pye, Jim Portwood, Terry Parker, and John Jackson and the runners-up, Les Burnett, Dave Wilson, and Doug Pittaway.
We're thrilled to announce that we raised $250 for this incredibly worthy cause. Every dollar will make a meaningful impact in supporting those affected by cancer.
– Barbara Spence
Editor's Note:
Special recognition goes to Barbara Spence, who has been the heart and soul of our recreational bowls for the past eight years. Her dedication and passion for the game have brought joy to so many and helped foster a strong community spirit. Thank you to everyone who participated, donated, and supported the event. Together, we’ve made a difference!
Rhyming Reduplications
If the same person who thought up “Walkie Talkies” had been in charge of naming everything, we’d be living in a much funnier world. Everyday items and even lawn bowls terms would get catchy, rhyming names that bring a smile to your face.
Here’s what life might sound like if rhyming reduplications ruled the day:
√ Imagine needing a "Hearty Starty" to jump start someone's heart.
√ A "Maybe Baby" test to confirm a bundle of joy.
√ We’d be licking "Lickie Stickies" instead of stamps.
√ Keeping warm with "Feety Heaties" on our toes.
√ Making sure the "Breastie Nestie" is snugly in place.
√ Forks would become "Stabby Grabbies" at the dinner table.
√ Hippos lounging in rivers would be known as "Floatie Bloaties."
√ Our worst dreams would be "Screamy Dreamies."
√ On the bowling green, we’d be watching out for “Wham-Bam Ditch Slams” when a drive flies off target.
√ Celebrating a “Slidey Glidy” for a close shot near the jack.
√ Shaking our heads at a “Nippy Chippy” when a bowl just grazes another.
√ "Wibley Wobblies" also known as "Pineapples"
√ Not to mention the “Hanky Panky” that might occur after dark in the "Darky Parky"!
With names like these, even the simplest moments on the green and in life would be brimming with charm, humour, and a whole lot of personality! Just imagine the fun we’d have with every roll, slip, and slide!
Bowling a Perfect Last End: Essential
Tips for Us Oldies
As proud members of the Sorrento Bowling Club, we know there’s nothing worse than a game that spirals into chaos –especially the last end! Just as we carefully plan our strategy on the green, it's essential to have everything in order for when we shuffle off this mortal coil (hopefully after a great bowls session). So, here are a few tips to ensure your kids aren’t left scrambling and arguing!
1. Prepare a Will
Make sure you’ve clearly stated who gets what. Remember to tell your children if you are skipping a generation and all your money is going to your grandchildren! What about your beloved bowls? Do they go to a good home, perhaps donated to the Club’s “Dead Bowls Men's Bowls Shed,” or sold to some poor soul who thinks they can inherit your skill? You don’t want your kids fighting over your prized possessions, like that garden gnome wearing our Club uniform, your vintage vinyl record collection, your motor car or your famous stamp collection.
2. Get the Paperwork Right
No one wants to guess who’s calling the shots. Your children will need someone to manage the financials, settle your estate, and keep the family ship upright. It’s like choosing a teammate to handle the hard ends when your back’s acting up.
3. Nominate Who Gets Your Super
Make sure your superannuation or pension is assigned correctly. You don’t want your family arguing over who gets to cash in your decades of "hard-earned" bowls winnings! With clear instructions, they can focus on celebrating your bowls legacy rather than getting
Please remember to use our new Sponsors to sort out your wishes and make life easier for your children
You need to make sure your paper work is in order and readily available
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
lost in paperwork. The article on page 32 about one man's "Ultimate $1 Million Revenge from Beyond the Grave" may help you make the correct decisions.
4. Make a List (No, Not for Santa but for your assets)
Don’t let your kids go on a scavenger hunt for your finances. Round up all your accounts, investments, and—most importantly – your final game scorecard (just to remind them of your greatness).
5.
Organize Your Passwords
Save your kids from the headache of trying to hack into your accounts. Make sure they have your online logins and passwords, or they might spend more time guessing them than actually organizing your affairs. Pro tip: maybe change the password that’s currently “SorrentoRocks2024” to something a bit less predictable. Make sure someone clears your browsing in case someone sees what you have been Googling!
6.
Share Your Secret Hiding Spots
Let your kids know where you keep the important stuff. Maybe it’s a filing cabinet, or maybe it’s the secret compartment in your bowls locker where you’ve hidden the Club Champion ’74 mug no one’s allowed to touch. The last thing you want is them tearing the house apart in search of your “important papers.”
7. Plan Your Farewell (And Yes, Make It
Bowls-Themed!)
Why leave your send-off to chance? Whether you want a bowlsthemed disco, a simple send-off, or perhaps everyone rolling a bowl in your honour—make sure your kids know. After all, no one wants a boring funeral when they could be at our Club in uniform, sending off a legend with style.
8. Introduce the Kids to Your Dream Team (No, Not the FourPerson Bowls Team – Your Professional Advisors)
Your kids need to meet the professionals you’ve trusted—be it your lawyer, or financial advisor. It’s like introducing them to your bowls coach: they need to know who’s been keeping you in top form all these years.
9. Declutter Your Life (But Keep the Trophies)
Help your kids by decluttering now, so they don’t end up selling your “Club Champion ’74” mug at a garage sale. Separate what’s valuable from what’s sentimental – those trophies are worth more than gold to you (even if no one else gets it).
Final
Thoughts
Just like preparing for a tough final end, getting these details sorted now ensures a smooth finish for everyone. Your family will thank you for it, and who knows, maybe they’ll finally understand why you spent all those years on the green! Let’s make sure our kids are as prepared as we are for the last end—whether on the green or in life!
– Neville Odell
Shocking $1 Million Twist: Bowler’s Revenge from the Great Beyond!
Melbourne’s bowls scene has been rocked by an unexpected posthumous bombshell. Bruce Hallman, long-time member of Doncaster Bowls Club, left a jaw-dropping $1 million – not to his own club, mind you – but to rival Donvale Bowls Club. Yes, you read that right. The man rolled his last bowl straight into the heart of his competitors' bank account, leaving his own club with not so much as a Jack to follow.
Donvale's chairman, Ian Bramstedt, was floored by the news. "We’re over the moon," Bramstedt told Sunrise with a grin likely wider than the green itself. "No more sausage sizzles at Bunnings for us!" Yes, thanks to Bruce’s baffling bequest, Donvale’s biggest future challenge might be choosing between a dome-covered green or installing floodlights for their glamorous new night games.
But what about Doncaster? The bowls club that housed Bruce’s talents for 15 long years? Well, they were left scratching their heads – and eventually consulting their lawyers – to figure out if there was some mistake. Turns out, there wasn’t. Apparently, Bruce had a bit of an ‘eccentric streak’ and, well, we all know how a few post-pennant beers can lead to life-changing decisions – or at least life-ending ones!
Rumours swirled that Bruce had fallen out with a few folks at Doncaster, but their executive chairman Trevor Dawson swore there was no bad blood. “Nah, Bruce loved us,” he claimed, perhaps through gritted teeth, “We can’t explain it either. Maybe we should’ve shouted him an extra pie at the kiosk.”
Regardless of the reason, Donvale is now swimming in cash, while Doncaster… well, they're back to running their raffle nights and dreaming of domes they can’t afford. So, the moral of the story?
Always be nice to that bloke at the other end of the green. You never know when he might leave you a million bucks!
Tips for Switching Between Grass and Synthetic Greens
One of our members recently asked a Premier Division bowler how he adjusts when moving from a slow green to a fast one. His response was that he keeps his back swing, step, and followthrough the same, only adjusting the speed of his arm.
I don’t fully agree with this approach. When moving from grass to synthetic, you’re likely transitioning from a slower grass surface (especially in winter) to a faster synthetic one. To adapt:
• Take a smaller step.
• Reduce your back swing.
• Play a wider line to allow for the quicker pace.
When going from synthetic to grass, the grass will generally be slower. To compensate for this:
• Take a slightly larger step.
• Increase your back swing a little.
• Maintain a strong follow-through and narrow your line to adjust for the slower speed.
Above all, remember: Concentration is the key to good bowls. – Gary Bobridge
The End of an Era
The passing of May Leyland in October signalled the end of an era at Sorrento that will likely never be repeated. May, who joined our Club in 1979, passed away in a nursing home at Bassendean
at the age of 84. Take a look at Sorrento’s Life Membership board and you will notice that May was awarded the honour in 2010 and her husband, Bill, the same accolade in 2006.A phenomenal and rare achievement indeed and Sorrento certainly reaped the benefits of their tireless work for the Club. Together with Bill, May helped create a legacy which shaped the direction of our Club for decades.
Bill, a “fine old gentleman”, was one of Sorrento’s original 12 Foundation Members. His contributions were immense, particularly his tireless work on both A and B greens, where he often took on the role of part-time greenkeeper. But beyond his work on the greens, Bill’s legacy is one of passion, hard work and leadership. As well as being a guiding force for the club, Bill served as Club Secretary and Welfare Officer. His calm demeanour and gentlemanly conduct were admired by all who played with or against him.
Likewise, May’s warm heart and selfless dedication were evident in the many roles she took on over the years, including her services on Match Committee, the Selection Panel, Lady Vice-Captain, Captain, Social Committees and Welfare Officer, demonstrating her leadership and care for every member of the Club.
May and Bill’s commitment and service, which knew no bounds, will be cherished by all who had the pleasure of knowing them. Their legacy is not only found in the physical work they performed or the positions they held, but in the spirit of fellowship, kindness and community they fostered. Thank you, Bill and May, for your enduring love, passion and dedication to the Sorrento Bowling Club.
– Jim Woodward
Beyond
Alovely fine day with 37 players on 'C' Green. We raised $222 for Beyond Blue. Our wonderful recreational bowlers played with plenty of spirit, laughter and encouragement and it was a great afternoon. The winners were Helen Eisenmann, Ron Burroughs, Ken Evans and Pauline Marsden as Skipper.
– Jennifer Page
Scroungers – Another Great Season
This year we played 15 games on Sunday mornings, with only three washouts. Numbers were down slightly compared to last year, however, once again everyone had good fun and played in the great spirit of scroungers. There were 11 different winners with four of those winning multiple times.
This year Sandy Everest, Shona Carter and myself represented SBC at the "Scroungers Champion of Champion's held at North Beach. We represented our Club well with Shona drawing the dreaded C green and Sandy and I drew B green. Unfortunately, both Sandy and Shona were knocked out in the rounds and I was fortunate enough to win my rink and go through to the semi-finals and get knocked out there. The eventual winner was a Premier player from Doubleview.
Pictured, at the final, were our loyal supporters, Trish, Anne, Charmain and Spider Webb cheering us on.
– Glenn McCarthy
Philosophical Observations
√ My girlfriend says I'm cheap, so I took her out for tea and biscuits. It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.
√ It's been months since I bought the book, "How To Scam People On Line". It still hasn't arrived yet.
√ When someone recommends a book to me and says, "It's a page turner!" I say, "Yeah, I know how books work."
√ If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
√ Vitamins are good for what ails you and Viagra is good for what fails you.
√ One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
√ Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
√ If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
The 1% Club: Vintage Edition
Congratulations! If you were born between 1930 and 1946, you are officially a “one-percenter” – but not the kind with yachts and stock options. Nope, you’re part of the rare 1% still around to
remember the days when milk arrived at your doorstep, and the only “streaming” was the occasional dribble from a leaky tap.
Back in your day, you had one phone per house (perched on the kitchen wall, who cared about privacy?). The “remote” was a kid told to go change the TV channel – if you were lucky enough to have one of those black-and-white, three-channel wonders.
Your entertainment was pure DIY: marbles, Monopoly, and mischief in the neighbourhood streets. Computers were hand-cranked calculators, typewriters doubled as finger workouts, and Google wasn’t even a word. You got the news from the radio (the original podcast) or the newspaper (Dad passed the comic section when he was done).
You grew up in an era when polio was still a worry, but the world around you felt as steady as a rock, with no one talking about global warming, cyber threats, or whatever new things lurking under the bed. You were surrounded by optimism, and your parents threw themselves into work, finally freed from the Depression and war years.
So, if you’re 77 or older, give yourself a pat on the back and a slice of cake. You’re part of an exclusive club, and best of all, you’ve outlasted 99% of your generation! Enjoy the perks of being a true classic—may your memories be as rich as a slice of Sunday roast! – Thanks to Trevor Orton for this contribution
Fascinating Facts to Amaze and Amuse
Did you know?
• No word in the English language rhymes with "month," "orange,"
"silver," or "purple."
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in "mt."
• Our eyes stay the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.(Know anyone like that?)
• Palindromes like "race car," "kayak," and "level" read the same forwards and backwards. (Couldn't resist, could you?)
• There are only four words ending in "dous": "tremendous," "horrendous," "stupendous," and "hazardous."
• English has two words with all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Go ahead, say it out loud!)
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear, and a goldfish’s memory span lasts about three seconds. (Relatable, isn’t it?)
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (Know anyone like that?)
• Babies are born without kneecaps; they appear when they’re around 2 to 6 years old.
• If the population of China walked past you, eight abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• The cruise liner, "QE2," moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel it burns.
• There are more chickens than people on the planet.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the elephants!
Thank You "Whitey"!
All successful community clubs rely heavily on the commitment and contribution of its members, with no better example than Graeme Whitehorn. Since joining our Club in 1992, our dear friend Graeme has been a steadfast, dedicated, and tireless volunteer, contributing immensely to our growth and success over the years.
As a devoted bowls coach, Graeme generously shared his knowledge and enthusiasm, guiding new bowlers and sharpening the skills of seasoned players. Reflecting on Graeme’s journey, we’re reminded of the wisdom he gained from seasoned bowlers like his friend Doug Arrowsmith who used a little booklet published 90 years ago after an Australian Bowling Carnival. As former coaches, Doug and Graeme used these principles throughout their careers. Graeme often says that, in his humble opinion, nothing has changed – the key to success is learning and sticking to the basics of lawn bowls.
Possessing years of bowling experience as a premier bowler with Hollywood Subiaco prior to arriving at Sorrento, Graeme applied his skills and knowledge for over a decade as the secretary of Sorrento’s Bowls Committee. His efforts extended beyond the green as he served on the Social Committee, bringing warmth and camaraderie to our gatherings. He tells me that one of his proudest moments was when he was made a Life Member.
Graeme's commitment even reached the Northern Region Bowls Committee and the Metropolitan Bowls Council, where he championed the sport and represented the broader bowling community with passion and commitment
Receiving Life Membership in 2019, Graeme says, was the proudest moment of his life – a well-deserved recognition of his dedication. Many members may not know the Club's first newsletter was
produced by Graeme in 1998, initiating a tradition that has since evolved into a weekly newsletter and a quarterly magazine. In this 100th edition of our news magazine, it is fitting to honour Graeme’s vision and countless hours of service. His contributions have not only shaped our Club's publications but have also fostered a sense of community and fellowship that defines Sorrento. His legacy is a shining example of the power of volunteering and the profound impact one person can make. Though Graeme is no longer able to bowl, we always cherish his visits, enjoying a beer and a chat, grateful for all he’s given to our Club.
– Brian Lucas
Some Championship Results
Men's Fours
We had only eight teams this year but all the games were played in great spirit with plenty of friendly banter. In the finals Ian Munro, Peter Morgan, Peter Flack and Murray Hulbert beat Paul Bradshaw, Lindsay Baker, Chris Leggett and Bruce Eagles 23-13.
Women's Veterans Singles
We had 9 players this year, the same as last year with three sections. The section winners were Kerry Hutchinson, Kath Harris and Lee Leach. In the play offs each competitor won one game each so it had to go to shots up with Lee winning with +37 and Kerri the runner up with +34.
Divorced Pairs
We were very happy to have a full 26 teams this year, 4 more than last year. Congratulations to the overall winners – Lee Leach and Ross Porteous with 2 wins +38. Runners up were Peter Ninnis and Sue Delavale with 2 wins + 20 . Morning Winners ( we had a tie with + 10). Peter Flack and Cheryl Greig and John. DeRosa and Liz Marshall. Afternoon Winners were Charmain Harris and Gerald Hanna with + 13.
Women's 100-Up
After sectional play and an alignment round the semi finalist were Wendy Flack, Kerry Hutchinson, Jennifer Page and Liz Marshall. Liz then played Jennifer coming away with another win. Wendy and Kerry played a very hard fought game with Kerry winning 10080. In the final Liz beat Kerry with a score of 100/99.
The Trials and Tribulations of a Selector
Oneafternoon, I was enjoying a beer when I overheard a bowler confidently declare to a Selector:
“My needs are few and very straightforward,” said the bowler. “There should therefore be no problem for you to meet them and satisfy me completely.” “Tell me more,” said the Selector.
“Well, firstly, I am a much better bowler than people give me credit for. Much of my skill is innate, and there is no need for me to practice.
While I am very easy to get along with, I have taken the liberty of producing a list of players I will not play with. Some of the names on page seven might surprise you, but you don’t know them as well as I do.
Having a gammy leg and only being able to bowl from the hip should not be a consideration in my selection because that would be discriminatory, as would be my age.
While I can play any position, I will only play as Skip due to my leadership aspirations. Honestly, I’m a much better Skip than those currently selected. My past performance might not reflect this, but the teams I’ve played with have been, well, hopeless.
Oh, one more thing, I don’t drink and prefer to play in a team of non-drinkers. Also, I’ll be away for five weeks after Christmas, so I’ll need a replacement who’ll step down when I return.
Oh, not that it’s important, but because of my gammy leg, I can’t help with duty team duties. Also, I’d rather avoid pre-game chats; they’re distracting.
Well, I think that’s about it, but I’ll ring you if I think of anything else.”
The Selector pondered before responding, “I think your needs can be met, but probably not on this earth and certainly not by Sorrento.”
Selectors, we salute you! You juggle quirks, preferences, and lastminute chaos with patience, humour, and (probably) a stiff drink.
Without you, there’d be no game… just arguments over biscuits. So next time you’re paired with someone who yells “Good shot!” at everything, spare a thought for the Selector who made it all happen. Here’s to the Selectors, the unsung heroes of the Sorrento Bowling Club—keepers of peace, architects of teams, and magicians of logistics. Cut them some slack!
– Neville Odell
Our Unsung Heroes
Wikipedia describes an “unsung hero” as someone who doesn’t get appreciation, thanks, or credit for their voluntary work.
Well, that’s probably true for Alex Third, Phil Bilich, Gerald Hanna, Tony Bourne, Kevin McKersey, Brian Alcock, and Brian Staples.
The numerous social groups that these unsung heroes look after during the often cold and dark nights. These groups are always appreciative of their efforts and the time that they so freely give to ensure a good time for all.We get lots of feedback from participants.
–Brian Lucas
Croquet Report
Dear Croquet Club Members, Wishing you all a joyous Christmas and a prosperous New Year filled with happiness and health. May the coming year bring many delightful days on the croquet lawn, where we can continue to enjoy the camaraderie and competition that make our Club so special. Some useful information
• Did you know Croquet was included in the 1900 Paris Olympics It was the first, and only, time croquet was featured in an Olympic
• Did you know Croquet has historically been associated with royalty and aristocracy. Queen Elizabeth II and her family enjoyed playing croquet?
• Did you know the modern rules of croquet were standardised in the 1860s by the All-England Croquet Club, which later became the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club (Wimbledon)?
Some Croquet stories (edited from Chat GPT)
1. Why did the croquet ball refuse to join the game? Because it thought it might get mall(et)-handled!
2.Why was the croquet team always so calm? Because they knew how to keep things rolling smoothly!
3. Why did the croquet ball bring a ladder to the game? Because it heard the stakes were high!
4. What do you call a player who makes terrible puns during the game? A pun-dit!
5.How did the croquet ball feel after a long game? Totally knocked about!
6.Why was the croquet mallet not allowed on the court? Because it was accused of striking! Forgetfulness
Did you hear that at a local croquet club, there was a player who was known for his forgetfulness. He was frequently misplacing his mallet and even forgot where he had put his hat once. During a tournament, after losing track of his mallet yet again, he was overheard muttering to himself, "I swear, I need a GPS tracker for that thing!" Another competitor, trying to lighten the mood, quipped, "Maybe we should start a competition for forgetful folks. It could be called the 'Where the Mallet is It?'
– Di McGivern
Why I don’t play Croquet
I'd like to be a champion
And achieve some sort of fame, But I wouldn't take on Croquet, It's such a dangerous game.
You see - Football is for weakies, They play it just for kicks, And Boxers have those gloves on, And all those fancy tricks.
But Croquet is the toughest game, Just imagine, some fine day, You get into an argument, In the middle of a play.
These Croquet people never fight, They're much too finely bred, It's all settled with a gentle tap, With a Mallet on your head.
— Written by Grahame "Skew Wiff" Watt
Waistcoats and straw boaters stole the show on Sorrento's croquet courts one sunny Saturday, as the dashing gentlemen of the 'Sherlock Holmes Society' battled it out for the prestigious Annual Governor’s Award –rumoured to be for ‘detectivelevel precision’ in croquet, outrageous charm, and the best-moustache-twirling technique. A huge thanks to Denis for snapping this smashing spectacle!
How Bowlers Dressed in the Good Old Days
Top Hats, Braces, Long Dresses, Ties and Blazers
Er! Bad day at bowls dear?
Then We Moved to Assorted!
Light blue, dark blue, yellow and some multi coloured outfits
What Does the Future Hold?
Will we be moving from this to this?
Most cars driven by bowlers are now built by robots, with sensors to detect lane crossings or speeding. Call centre robots frustrate bowlers with endless options before asking them to confirm they're not a robot. Modern cars are designed to prevent human error, from keeping hands on the wheel to ensuring seatbelts are fastened. How long before we have driverless cars?
Could lawn bowls soon be dominated by automation and AI?
Let's explore. Imagine futuristic uniforms for bowlers, packed with advanced technology to prevent mistakes. Here's a glimpse: Flat soles will be out and your robotic shoes will track every step, offering feedback on positioning, and eventually, take the step for you. Shirts will feature customizable displays, cooling functions, and even the ability to humorously morph into the opposition’s colours if you're losing. Flexi-Bowl pants will adjust based on weather or the green speed, inflating if you fall for a soft landing. Hats will become "Hydration Helmets", with built-in cooling mist and Bluetooth speakers and magnetic gloves will ensure a perfect release and come in sleek metallic designs and we will be able to play bowls in the rain from the comfort of the clubhouse with holographic technology.
– Neville Odell
Opening Day Celebrations
OPENING DECLARATION
“Today it is my honour to declare season 2024/2025 open for the Sorrento Bowling Club.
To every member –Participate with enthusiasm Enjoy every occasion on the green Strive for success in every game you play. Go Sorrento!!”
– Barney Fleiser
Eagles welcoming members to Opening Day
We proudly sported our new shirts and welcomed several new members at our Opening Day. The Croquet Club joined the celebrations, hosting a croquet competition among their members.
The afternoon began with drinks and snacks organised by Kerry Hutchinson. Our President, Bruce Eagles, acknowledged the contributions of several members, including major sponsors Trevors
Bruce
Carpets and Safeway Security Screens, and the REFRESH project team. Notably, many members attended their first club opening, and the new club uniforms were proudly displayed among the 120 attendees.
There were lots of laughs across both the croquet court and the bowling green as bowlers competed for the Des Bennett Trophy. This year, the "Women" emerged victorious, with Wendy Saul’s team of herself and three Men – Peter McHugh, Evan Cosh, and Barry Bradshaw scoring the most points.
Bruce introduced Russ Fishwick, representing the City of Joondalup, who thanked the Club for its contribution to the community. Club Director Barney Fleiser then declared the club officially open.
Under sunny skies, last season’s novice champions, Shonah Buckley and Des Russell, rolled the season’s first bowls, while Wendy Price and Nicky Mitchell struck the first croquet balls. A “Spider” competition followed, with Robyn Woodward’s bowl finishing closest to the jack amidst the usual chaos.
Teams selected by Trevor Orton assembled and, after some lastminute changes, the games began. Two hours later, players returned to the hall for drinks and a barbecue, prepared by Gerald Hanna, Gary Bayne, and Peter Flack. The scores were tallied, and the women won the aggregate 186 to 164, with the matches ending 6½ to 5½. The top rinks were awarded to Peter McHugh, Barry Bradshaw, Evan
Phil Potts –new member
Jan Goddard, Lorraine Clarke and Christine Donnelly
Geoff Hollingsworth – a new member
"The Barbie Team" Gary, Gerald, Peter and Kerry
Left: "Two Wise Men" – Abba and Russ. Right: Robyn Rowe and Keith Shadbolt, the winner of the "Money Tree"
Pauline, Anne and Trevor Antonio and JJ
Robyn, Ian and Charmain
Vicki Mitchell, Vicki Richards, Bronwyn Hanna and Wendy Price
Cosh, and Wendy Saul (Women), and to Russ Fishwick, Carole Ford, Denis Croker, and Ross Cunningham (Men). Raffle winners were Keith Shadbolt and Brian Alcock.
Thanks to all the members who registered and attended the Opening Day celebrations. The turnout was great, and we look forward to another exciting year of bowls and croquet. Special thanks to Kerry and her helpers for the delightful nibbles and to those working on the ongoing “refresh” projects. There is more to come!
– Thanks to Bruce and Trevor for this report
Spider chaos as every bowler aims for the jack at once, and precision takes a backseat to pandemonium! Bowls collide, strategies go out the window, as the battle for closest-to-the-jack unfolds in glorious mayhem!
Jeff Clarke another new member
Jan Day, Steve West and Wendy PriceCroquet Winners
Des Russell and Shonah Buckley
Des and Shonah bowl the first bowls of the new season
Wendy Price and Nicky Mitchell struck the first croquet balls
Annie Taylor at the Himalayan ash tree she planted at our Club many years ago
Alex, Stan, Bob, Gary and Ross looking smart in their new shirts
Special thanks to Wendy and her "Refresh Team" for our new shirts
Beryl and Frank Tutt
Break Dancing Versus Lawn Bowls
Afriend
of mine writes songs, but all his songs are about one thing –Singer Sewing Machines. He’s a singer-songwriter, or sew it seams. That threads me to another topic: Why aren’t lawn bowls an Olympic sport? The Tokyo Olympic Committee in 2020 set down criteria for admittance. These were ”Youth appeal” , “Added value” ,”Attractiveness for TV, media, and the public”, “Gender equality, “Infrastructure and operational costs” and “Complexity”.
As we head towards the L.A. Olympics in 2028, it looks like sports like break dancing, synchronized swimming, archery, target shooting, and golf apparently tick all the boxes, while lawn bowls gets left on the shelf like a fruitcake at Christmas.
Lawn bowls, with its serene greens and polished accessories, apparently don’t scream ‘showbiz’. Picture this: A packed stadium, everyone on their feet, shouting in anticipation as two competitors execute a perfect bowl. Now, imagine that same crowd for break dancing—they’re practically tearing the roof off with excitement! The difference is clear: One sport has people wondering if their TV is stuck on pause, while the other has them grabbing their phones to capture the next viral dance move.
Sure, bowlers in their crisp uniforms and sensible shoes might look like they’re ready for an AGM rather than an adrenaline-pumping showdown. Meanwhile, break dancers are rocking neon spandex, bedazzled sneakers, and enough bling to make your Aunt Edna’s jewellery box blush.
The IOC might find it challenging to justify why the elegant world of lawn bowls doesn’t include enough sequins and aerial stunts, but what is different from the statuesque stance of archers or shooters?
While break dancers are pushing the boundaries of human flexibility and creativity, lawn bowls remains a sport where innovation is measured by the precision of your aim. After all, it’s not easy to measure your heartbeat when you’re bent over, contemplating the line of a jack instead of the jump of a hip-hop beat.
Pictured below is Boris Johnson, a former Prime Minister, showing some moves for those bowlers who are considering taking up break dancing.
The Olympics are about making history and marketing merchandise.
Imagine the thrill of buying a “Gold Medal Lawn Bowls Champion” t-shirt versus a “Break dancing World Champion” hoodie. “Bowling is Life” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Dance or Die.”
"The
So, there you have it: while lawn bowls continues to be the epitome of dignified sport, break dancing is out there flipping and spinning its way into Olympic glory. All is not lost, though. There is hope that it may be included in the future if Brisbane hosts the games in 2032.
–
True Origin of the Olympics: Oiled Muscles and Misunderstandings"
About2500 years ago, a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name at that time.
Neville Odell
In those days, the events were quite raw, and the athletes competed without any form of clothing, as was the custom in ancient Greece.
Gedophamee was mesmerized by the spectacle of naked, oiled men engaging in feats of strength and endurance. She found herself caught in the excitement of the crowd. At one point, in her native Sardinian accent, she exclaimed loudly, “Oh! Limp pricks!” referring to the state of the athletes between events. The crowd misunderstood her words, thinking she was referring to the entire festival. The phrase caught on quickly, and as a result, the Greeks started referring to the event as the “Olympics.”
And so, thanks to Gedophamee’s offhand comment, the name stuck, and the festival has been known as the “Olympic Games” ever since, becoming a cherished tradition celebrated around the world for centuries. I will leave you with this little-known part of Olympic history. German philosopher, economist, historian, sociologist, and political theorist Karl Marx (1818-1883) had a sister called Onya. She is credited with inventing the starting pistol that is so important in today’s Olympics.
But that’s not all! Another legend claims that Marx’s lesserknown cousin, Immanuel Kantstandya, was notorious for his poor sportsmanship during the early events. He’s often remembered for coining the phrase “I Kant stand ya!” After repeatedly losing the discus throw to an athlete who, quite frankly, was more philosophy than physique. And thus, “Kantstandya” became an early, if unofficial, patron saint of sore losers everywhere.
– Thanks to Aristophocles Onomatopopadopoulos Kantstandemnos (Descendant of the Legendary Philosopher-Sportsman, Immanuel Kantstandya) for this useful information
