Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 98 June 2024

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From Your Editor

Welcome

Denise and I hope that all our readers enjoy our 3rd Edition for 2024. Once again, many thanks to all the members who helped with photos, contributions and proof reading.

Some more "Did you Hear" and "Did you Know"

The only photo we received from the end of the Pennant season's Ladies Luncheon, at the Odin Tavern, was this photo of Kerry's lunch order. Apparently, there was concern as to whether she would manage to finish the generous serving or whether she would need a doggie bag!

Did you know that our Greenkeeper, Alan McFayden, estimates that he has walked 100,000 kilometres in the 20 years he has been cutting and rolling greens? Walking 100,000 kilometres over two decades is truly remarkable. For example, the distance from London to Sydney is approximately 14,500 kilometres as the crow flies, so he could have made this journey nearly six times. Alan has therefore walked the equivalent of four trips around Australia, as the coast line of Australia, is about 25000 kilometres.

Did you know that according to author, On-Kow Au, "A bowling club is one of the friendliest places on earth and usually provides an excellent mix of social and physical recreation. A feeling of camaraderie is an integral part of lawn bowling. Let’s face it – life is too short to dwell on your wins and losses. Have some fun during your time on the green and share a laugh and some friendly bowls banter with your opponents".

Did you know that Steve Buckley, one of our beloved bowlers, unveiled a rather unexpected excuse for dodging a nominated pairs game of 2/4/2 with his dear

wife, Shonah, who ended up having to play with Peter Flack! Steve cited a pressing yoga session commitment. We applaud his wish for inner peace and flexibility. Apparently, his downward dog and warrior poses are the best in the business! Namaste, dear bowler, namaste.

Did you hear about an elderly gentleman who had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted with a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again". The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" Thanks to Mike Hodge for this contribution.

Did you know that during Country week, Gordon, a local resident, came to watch the finest bowls in town? In his motorised wheel chair, he was the first to use Sorrento Bowling Club's "temporary' drive-thru bottle shop". With our RSA requirement, Kevin Coffey checked Gordon's age and breathalysed him on one of his drive-thru visits! On a more serious side, Gordon played for Doubleview before he stopped playing three years ago. If you see Gordon at our Club, please say hello.

Did you hear that one old codger set his computer password as: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin When he was asked why he said it was because he had been told that his password had to contain "Eight characters and one Capital".

Did you hear that a little goes a long way for women? They only need to do half as much exercise as men to reap the same heart health benefits. Those who play bowls, cycle, swim or run regularly are much less likely to die from a heart attack or stroke compared to men!

How to Confuse a Bowler!

Behold a Skipper who brought a touch of ancient flair to lawn bowls. He swapped out the ordinary for the extraordinary with Roman numerals on his scorecard. Et tu, Brute? Let's roll our bowls like it's 44 BC!

Ask a bowler whether he prefers E4 toast or J8?

No, I can't Tik Tok or Snap Chat but I can write in cursive, do maths without a calculator, read Roman numerals and tell the time on the clock above!

Did you know that Dave Robinson, has helped raise $18000 for the Burns Unit at the Perth Children's Hospital? He also sells his interesting book "Fossil's World", for $10, with the proceeds going to this unit. He looked like this when he was a Transport Manager in Karratha. He now looks like this!

Did you know that because of the millions of iPads and iPhones sold throughout the World, some scientists have developed a breast implant that stores and plays music? The iTit (also known as the iBoob) will cost $1700 to $2600 depending on the cup and speaker size. This is a major social breakthrough for women who complain about men staring at their breasts instead of listening to them.

Did you know that in 2023 our Club raised $1581 for Guide Dogs WA? The money was raised via the plastic guide dog on the bar. Well done all!

Did you know that, through some brilliant bowling, Steve Bomford, Alan Gallager, Brian Staples and Frank Bomford won the $600 2nd prize in a Merriwa competition? Well done Guys! We hope the ATO will be advised accordingly.

Letters to the Editor

Tribute to John Sanders:

Thank you so much it’s a lovely tribute you wrote about my Dad in the Sorrento Bowling Club’s news magazine and for your generous words about my Dad. It was so lovely see the photos of my Mum and Dad and Dad with his friends in his happy place– the Sorrento Bowling Club. I appreciate you reaching out. I still miss him every day. I have passed your magazine onto to my sister and brother, Catherine and John.

– Lorraine Sanders

Mad Dog

Something very funny and unusual happened in our Pennant game against Merriwa. Jim Spencer played one of his explosive drives which resulted in the jack, which he hit across two rinks, missing heads of bowls on the two adjoining rinks and finally hitting a bowl in the head on the third rink across and actually tipped that bowl over. There were a lot of bemused bowlers standing over the head and it was funny to observe.

On another end Jim took the jack, which was on the tee, into the ditch at high speed only for it to bounce off the bank somehow and end up half way up the green resulting in easy draw shots for both Skippers. Once again something we don't normally see. Never a dull moment when playing with Jim "Mad Dog" Spencer!

– Roger Palmer

Another Pennant season has come and gone. I would like to thank our Selectors for all the many hours they allocated to this difficult task and hopefully they were able to get through the 2023/24 season without getting abused too badly. Will their job be made easier with the introduction of mixed gender bowls? Time will tell, I guess. Also playing in the heat of the day has been a problem this year. Maybe starting earlier or later in the day may be a solution.

Finally, I would like to highlight and mention what a very good 2023/24 season Paul Ramsey has had. When Bowls WA analysed results for the season, they came up with the top five performers in each position in each of the competitions. Our Paul Ramsey is listed in the honours list for the Men's Thursday Pennants as the most successful lead with 14 wins in 18 games! Well done, Paul.

– Gerald Hanna

Did you know that Greg took Wayne Gray’s bowling bag to Yanchep one Saturday? Greg's bag is on the left and has ribbons. How did he get it so wrong? Wayne Gray borrowed two bowls from Wayne Raffaele and won his game

Odds and Ends

What on earth happened over these 70 years?

Jan, Shirley, Cheryl and Moira, four of our 1 White team, were all smiles on the last day of the Pennants with a win against Mosman Park

A lovely photo of Peter Morgan and one of his granddaughters

Trevor Orton thought the above may help some to reduce their coffee consumption

Apologies

• First of all, to Ian Johnson who we mistakenly called Ian Thompson in our tribute to our Vietnam Veterans. There is no one else to blame except your 83-year old Editor. My brain is really getting more and more foggy by the day!

• Secondly to Alan McFayden, our green keeper, for once again misspelling his name in different ways. No excuses. We do try to avoid errors! (He tells us he uses both spellings himself.)

• Thirdly to Bob Steven for putting an "S" on the end of his name. One of our more observant readers found this error! Unfortunately, for "Privacy" reasons we are not allowed to have a copy of our Club's latest telephone list. This makes life difficult when we need to check for correct spelling of names and/or need to call or email a member. Some clubs have an opt in/opt out system for members and this allows for publication of contact details to be available for the majority of members. Why don't we try this?

• Fourthly for mixing up LAWS and RULES! We have been told that the game of lawn bowls has laws whereas Croquet has rules. We learn something new each day!

You didn't ask but.......

An armed thief entered a house mid-afternoon and found two people there. He tied up the woman and ordered the man to hand over the family jewellery and other valuables.

The frightened man started sobbing, and said: “You can take anything you want, and even beat me up, but please, untie the rope and free her.” “You must really love your wife” said the burglar. “Not particularly,” replied the man, “but she will be home soon”.

–– Neville and Denise Odell

Please contact us on 9309 3108 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au

We would love to receive your comments and contributions.

More Odds and Ends

Trevor and his lovely bride Anne on their wedding day 47 years ago

A great photo of Ron and Kerry at the 64th WA Police Bowling Club event in Busselton. Ron was the Tournament Director and Kerry won a gold medal

This is why POMs need to use suntan when they holiday in Australia

Wayne Raffaele and his son Jaryd enjoying a beer at Sorrento

Gary Bobridge trying to look like Andy Capp!

Match Committee Reports

Men's Triples Championship

Only ten teams entered this event, so it was decided to treat these as two groups of five, with round-robin match-ups within the group, and with the top two teams in each group progressing to the semi-final. This saw matchups between

• Steve Buckley, Peter Snow and Alan Walton against Trevor Orton, Ken Ockelford and Greg Clements and

• Jan Konig, Barney Fleiser and Matt Sharrett against Dan Greig, Roland Hill and Jim Spencer.

The finalists were Jan, Matt and Barney to play Steve, Alan and Peter. A steady start from team Buckley was quickly negated with a five to team Konig on the 4th end and they then went on to a solid 10-4 lead after nine ends. This was followed with some good draw bowls in the trying conditions. The score was 14-13 in favour of team Buckley leading into the 16th end. With the jack on the T, the Skips changed ends with team Konig holding three and team Buckley with only one bowl on the rink. They held that three for a vital 16-14 lead with two ends to play. However, team Buckley responded superbly to pick up a four on the second to last end and defend their lead with two shots on the last end, to run out eventual winners 20-16.

Ladies Singles Championship

This was held on a Sunday to coincide with the Men's event this year to encourage bowlers, who are still employed to play, and we had a total of 18 players in six sections. Our six section winners were Lee Leach, Kaye Martin, Wendy Saul, Shonah Buckley, Demi Konig and Nerrida Porteous. After an alignment round the semi-finalists were Lee, Kaye, Wendy and Nerrida. Wendy and Nerrida played off in the one semi-final and Lee and Kaye in the other. Wendy won against Nerrida 21 – 19 and Kaye won on the last end against Lee to play in the finals.

In the final Wendy and Kaye were neck and neck but Kaye managed to again take the Singles championship for the second year in a row with another close game of 25 –17. Congratulations to Kaye Martin and to our runner up, Wendy Saul. In the Bowls WA Champion of Champions competition, Kaye did extremely well with a massive win in her first game but unfortunately lost her second game by only three shots

Men's Singles Championship

After sectional play, Dave Dunstan played Jan Konig in the first semifinals. In an exciting game, with the scores at 20-19 to Jan, Dave drew two bowls to the jack for a 21-20 win. In the other semi-final Bruce Eagles played Greg Taylor. Bruce put down his usual very consistent draw bowls, and ended up winning 21-10.

In the final Bruce got away to a 12-0 lead with some excellent draw bowling. He was consistently drawing his first bowl to the jack thereby

maintaining pressure on Dave. When Dave got bowls in the head, Bruce found a way to win the end through drawing or when he needed to, with reaching weight and running out the deserved winner.

Ladies' Novice Championships

This year we had the Men's and Women's events at the same time and this worked really well, as we had lots of spectators. Shonah Buckley, Penny Hyman and Cath Russell competed this year. In the first game Shonah played a perfect game against Cath winning 22-2. In the second game Cath settled down against Penny and won 21-18. It was so hot that Penny was unable to finish her second game against Shonah and Shonah was declared "Novice Champion 2024". Congratulations to Shonah who got into the semi finals in the Bowls WA Champion of Champions Novice competition.

Men's Novice Championships

Des Russell, Peter Ninnis, Brian Alcock and Russell Tomlinson played this year. It was decided that each player would play the others to 21-up, the winner being determined on games won and shots up. It was one of the hottest Autumn days on record which made concentration challenging. The matches were all keenly contested. When the dust settled, Des was a clear winner, winning all three of his games. Each of the other contestants won one game so the runner-up, Peter Ninnis, was determined by shots-up.

Des tells us he played 60 ends and two roll ups so he put down 240 bowls during this long day! Des went on to play in the Bowls WA Novice Champion of Champions but was unsuccessful which he blames on the commencement of COVID at a critical stage.

Mixed Handicap Triples

The format for the day was 20 ends with three bowls for each player. We had 12 teams (36 bowlers) each with a maximum handicap limit of 11 points. Winners were Des Russell and Cath Russell with Gerald Hanna as Skipper. Runners- up were Ron Hutchinson, Shonah Carter and Eric Doust.

The Match Committee supplied sausage rolls, party pies, bread sticks and Anzac biscuits using the profit from their money sheet raffle. Special thanks to Shonah for her home-made Anzac biscuits and to Robyn Rowe who supplied the Easter eggs. All in all, a successful fun day. There were no complaints and several "thank you's for the day".

Women’s Handicap Triples

On a hot March day, our Bar Manager had to bring us iced water to keep us hydrated. The format was two games of 13 ends with two bowls per player with 24 players in eight teams.

• Winners: Jan Cook, Cheryl Greig and Lorraine Clarke 2 + 17 shots

• 2nd: Pauline Marsden, Denise Odell and Liz Marshall 1 + 10 shots

• 3rd: Sandy Everest, Shona Carter and Liz McTaggart 1 + 2 shots

• AM Winners: Pauline Bourne, Larraine Brickell and Kath Harris

• PM Winners: Charmain Harris, Wendy Flack and Jan Goddard

Mixed Veteran's Pairs

This event was played on our synthetic green. With 10 teams and 20 players, the weather was perfect with all players enjoying the day. Winners were Dave Dunstan and Shona Carter, second Roger and Shirley Palmer and third was Gerald Hanna and Pauline Marsden

Men's Veteran's Singles

After sectional play, with four sections of three, we ended up with four semifinalists, Russ Lockwood vs Bob Jeffs and Paul Ramsey vs Peter Ninnis. The first semi-final saw Bob move out to a commanding 13-0 lead after eight ends, before Russ fought back to be trailing 10-16 at the 14 end mark. However, Bob then put his foot down and finished off at 21-10. The second semi between Paul and Peter started off competitively to be 4-4 after six ends, but Paul suddenly hit his length winning 21-7. In the final Bob played an immaculate draw game to win 21-3 and his first Veteran's Men's Singles.

Ladies' Veteran's Singles

We had nine entries divided into three sections. Section one was Robin Woodward, Larraine Brickell and Jan Goddard and was won by Jan Goddard. Section two was Liz Marshall, Carole Ford and Shirley Palmer and was won by Liz Marshall. Section three was Jan Cook, Kath Harris and Liz McTaggart and was won by Kath. Jan played Liz in the first final and this was won by Liz who played brilliantly. Jan played Kath in the second final which was closely won by Jan. In the third final, Liz played Kath. Liz only needed one point to win the Ladies Veteran's Singles. Congratulations to Liz.

Our

4th

Annual Women’s Dash 4 Cash Sponsored by Safeway Security

In perfect conditions, all teams were greeted on arrival and after the registration they were treated to a delicious morning tea organised by our members. We had all three greens full of 36 teams (144 players) from as far North as Yanchep to Safety Bay in the South. The format was four games

of eight ends. Special thanks to:

• Our men who set up the tables, served up a variety of delicious soups and crusty bread and then cleaned up.

• Michael Hughes who was our Umpire of the Day

• Dan Greig who recorded and calculated all the results.

Barry Bradshaw, from Safeway Security Screens, presented prize money to the top four winners, the morning and afternoon winners as well as four round prizes. His generosity was acknowledged. All in all, a perfect example of teamwork which resulted in a successful outcome.

2023-2024 Women's Match Report

What a challenging year! I do hope that more of our ladies put their hands up to help run these events in the new season. It’s been a major task organising and running championships due to the hot weather, as some people pull out at the last minute.

We ran Men’s and Ladies' Country Week this year and hosted Singles, Pairs and Fours. This was carried out very professionally with Peter Flack organising our many volunteers to help with the daily lunches and morning tea. All players enjoyed the Sorrento hospitality.

Invitation Day was a great day with a new format introduced by Kerry. This consisted of a morning tea, a sandwich for lunch and a lovely “High Tea” spread of delicious food made by our ladies. We only had 22 teams which is way down from the last few years so very disappointing. Our raffles, however, were very successful and we ended up with a small profit and lots of praise from the players.

Thank you to

• Charmain, Shirley, Robyn and Cheryl for their help, advice and suggestions during the year.

• Robyn Rowe for setting up the flags, jacks, mats and washing the dishes so all the ladies could relax after the game.

– Shona Carter/ Shirley Palmer/ Dan Greig

A Senior's Perspective of Facebook

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists these are the reasons I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I like them. And it works just like Facebook. And, I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

Communication with Members

Our Club tries hard to communicate with members on a regular basis. This is done through the following:

Our Weekly Newsletter

This serves as a vital tool for keeping our members up-to-date with timely information, reminders, announcements, upcoming events, matches, and other important news. We also have Jim's Welfare Report which keeps us up-to- date with members who are unwell or out of action.

Our Quarterly News Magazine

This 62-page magazine offers a more comprehensive approach to communication, providing in-depth articles, features, and interviews. It offers a broader coverage of activities, achievements and member profiles. The magazine includes highlights from recent events, detailed match

reports, interviews with players or coaches, and articles discussing lawn bowls techniques or strategies. It offers an opportunity for members to delve deeper into our Club's culture, history, and community involvement.

Our Facebook page

Facebook serves as a dynamic platform for real-time engagement, community building, and social interaction among our members. Regular posts are made to keep members informed about Club news, events, and activities. Members are encouraged to actively engage by liking, commenting, and sharing posts.

The platform is also utilised to share photos, videos, and live updates from matches, events, and social gatherings. Additionally, Facebook Groups are used for discussions, polls, and member-generated content, fostering a sense of belonging and camaraderie within our Club.

Our Website

This acts as a centralised hub for comprehensive Club information and resources, providing members with easy access to essential details. It is regularly updated with the latest news, an events calendar, and contact information. Detailed information on membership, facilities, coaching, and history is provided to offer members a complete understanding of the Club's offerings.

Additionally, downloadable resources such as registration forms, rulebooks, and Club policies are available for convenient access. Ensuring the website is mobile-friendly and easy to navigate enables members to find information quickly.

By effectively utilizing each communication channel ensures that members stay informed, engaged, and connected throughout the year. Please go to:

www.sorrentobowlingclub.com.au

The Fun and Challenges of Being a Selector in a Bowls Club

Being a Selector presents both joys and challenges. After serving three years in this role, let me share my experiences and reflections on the various challenges Selectors face:

1. Evaluating players objectively becomes a daunting task when subjective factors come into play.

2. Comprehensive performance data about individual players is often lacking. Some members don't bowl consistently, making it challenging to assess their skills accurately. Balancing competence and fairness is difficult especially as our members have a wide range of skill levels and experience.

3. Performance fluctuations from one day to the next pose significant challenges. It's hard to predict how a player will perform in a match based on their previous games.

4. Ensuring cohesive collaboration with compatible and balanced teams can be challenging. Some members refuse to play with certain individuals, complicating the process of creating harmonious teams.

5. Balancing the desires of individual players with the overall needs of our Club requires careful consideration. Some players only want to play alongside their friends, disregarding club unity. While camaraderie is important, it's essential to prioritise the interests of our Club

6. Coping with numerous changes when players pull out at short notice is challenging to adjust team compositions at short notice, especially when multiple players withdraw on game day.

Selectors in Heaven

Three bowlers stood at the pearly gates, Their faces sad and old. They humbly asked St. Peter For admission to the fold.

“What have you done?” St. Peter said, “To gain admission here.”

“Selectors, sir, we have been For many a weary year.”

The gates of Heaven flew open wide, As St. Peter pressed the bell. "Come in at once and take a harp, You’ve had enough of hell!"

7. Bowlers often express dissatisfaction with team placements and offer various excuses for sudden unavailability. Dealing with complaints and managing expectations requires patience and diplomacy. Not everyone will be selected for every game which can lead to disruptions or disappointment.

8. Shortage of players on many game days. We, as Selectors, didn't have any reserves available to play due to players unavailability.

9. Like other clubs we have internal politics. We face pressure or criticism from members who feel they're not being treated fairly or who believe there's favouritism.

10. Selectors need to address performance issues with individual players, which can be uncomfortable or challenging, especially if it involves long-time members, friends or injured players.

Despite the challenges, I want to express my gratitude towards my fellow Selectors and acknowledge the commitment of players, over a long season, who consistently participated in matches. Your dedication ensures the smooth functioning of our Club and, overall, the season went well.

In conclusion, navigating the complexities of team selection requires patience, adaptability, and a keen understanding of the dynamics and personnel within our Club. My best wishes to our new group of Selectors for Season 2024/25.

– Roger Palmer

Bottom to the Top in One Year

WhenDes Russell, retired and pondered "what's next?" He found his answer at the Sorrento Bowling Club. With a competitive spirit honed as a lifelong sports enthusiast and a knack for winning, Des began with social bowls on Fridays and Sundays. But that was just the beginning.

Undeterred, Des decided to challenge himself further by trying Pennants on Thursdays and Saturdays. Despite warnings that he might have to start in the Bankers division, Des defied expectations. In a remarkable feat, he

ascended from Bankers to our Club's 2nd Thursday Premier team in a mere year. NOVICE??

Des' contributions extend beyond the green. His brainchild, a separate division for social bowlers in our Wednesday's Twilight Competition, has revitalised midweek activities drawing members and enthusiasts alike.

However, challenges loom, exacerbated by the global pandemic's economic downturn. The Club has felt the pinch with dwindling sponsorships. Yet, there's hope on the horizon as the world tentatively recovers from COVID19's grip.

Recognising the critical role of sponsorships, Des has stepped up and offered to conduct a sponsorship campaign for the next six months. He is prepared to stand for this position at the next AGM. He will succeed Barry Stewart, who has diligently served in the role for three years. Des' vision involves a proactive approach, personally engaging with businesses in the surrounding areas to secure vital sponsorships. He calls upon every member to join the effort, urging them to identify potential sponsors and communicate these leads. Des' commitment is clear: to cultivate a new era of robust and sustainable sponsorships.

In this endeavour Des reminds us all of our role. Supporting sponsors isn't just about financial transactions; it's about fostering relationships. He encourages members to express gratitude to sponsors, reminding them of our Club's appreciation. Des Russell's journey exemplifies not only personal achievement but also a commitment to the collective success of our Club. With his leadership and the support of the community, the future looks bright indeed.

– Gerald Hanna

Recognising Some of Our Vollies

About 10 months ago I accepted the position of Volunteer Coordinator, taking over from Ken Giles who had done it for many years. He has

done a magnificent job and I thank him for presenting me with thorough background information on what the job involved. I cannot thank you enough, Ken.

My main job has been to arrange supervision of the many people who contact the Club to arrange a fun game of bowls and sometimes to also use the alfresco and the BBQ after a game. The groups can range from 5 to 80 in number and include all ages. To do this well, I soon realized that I needed a capable, willing, and small group of volunteers, which I have found and have been so grateful for their help. This brief note is in recognition of them.

Trish McCarthy, the cog in a very important wheel, takes the bookings from any groups or individuals who would like to use our Club, using both greens and alfresco areas to have a fun time learning the basics of our game and socialising after. The names of the contacts are then passed on to me to allocate volunteers to assist with the sessions. During this last season we had approximately 1000 visitors at our Club to enjoy our facilities. Thanks Trish, your guidance keeps me on top of things.

The core of volunteers includes Alex Third, my go to man. Gerald Hanna (Mr. BBQ), who has so many ideas and is so reliable, Phil Bilich is so willing and ready for any job. Others who continually offer to help are Brian Alcock, Kevin McKersey, Paul Ramsey, and ‘me’, Tony. Brian Staples is also included in this great team and has come forward with endless ideas to improve our service, to ensure Sorrento is going in the right direction to be the best club offering bowling to the community. The future looks exciting.

– Tony Bourne Editor's Note:

The lovely photo on the cover of this edition was taken by Paul Ramsey at a Kath and Kim birthday. This is typical of what is happening behind the scenes.

Brian Cuthbert's Scotland

Justhow ‘canny’ are we Scots? In Scots’ dialect canny means careful, especially with money, but we’re not miserly. It’s purely a coincidence that when wee Sandy dropped a £1 coin, it hit him on the back of the head as he bent to pick it up!!!

What about the kilt? Ask any Scotsman: "What’s worn under the kilt?" He’ll likely reply: “Nothing! Everything’s in good working order!”

In Scotland “wee” means small. People from outside Scotland probably find it confusing. You hear Scots saying things like: "I think I’ll have a WEE cup of tea", or "I’m going to have a WEE whisky". It gets confusing when we say things like “I’ve got a day off tomorrow, so I think I’ll have a WEE LONG LIE IN? … Eh?? But when we refer to a person for example, WEE Jimmy, It’s because JIMMY REALLY IS WEE!!

And what about the women in my Scotland? Wee Archie rushed home from school to tell his mother he had been given a part in the school play. “Whit part have ye got” she says, “I play the part of a husband” says Archie, proudly. “Well", she says, "just get right back there and tell that teacher you want a speaking part!” My Scotland …. I just love it.

Some "Dad Jokes" from Mark Douglass

√ I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes and she gave me a big hug.

√ I got mugged by six dwarfs last night! Not HAPPY!

√ My wife said she's leaving me because I'm obsessed with tennis, and I'm too old. I said: "I'm only 40, love."

√ My wife said to me: "Why don't you treat me like you did when we first started dating?" So, I took her out to dinner and to a movie, then I dropped her off at her parent's place.

Reverend Clare Deeves

Did you know that Clare Deeves serves as the Assistant Minister (Women) at Kallaroo Anglican Church, where her deep faith and academic background have made her an invaluable leader. Clare has spent years studying and understanding Christianity. With a Master's in Divinity, a Diploma of Divinity, a Master's in Theology and recently a PhD, she fosters an inclusive environment for women, blending her scholarly insights with practical wisdom in her dynamic sermons. She's known for her compassion and commitment to empowering women both within the church and in society. Her impact on her Church community is profound, and her influence extends far beyond its walls, leaving an enduring mark on all. PS: She is also a very good bowler!

– Neville Odell

Thank You Denis Croker

Forover three years, Denis Croker has been the backbone of our membership administration team, tirelessly dedicating his time and expertise to ensure the smooth functioning of this important function. Unfortunately, due to personal circumstances, he has had to step back from his volunteer duties.

Denis has been the first point of contact for all membership inquiries, ensuring that every question was addressed promptly and accurately. He maintained our membership database with meticulous care, processing applications, issuing invoices, and updating members' details. He ensured that annual renewals were processed efficiently and accurately, updating membership levels and issuing reminder invoices when necessary. A key responsibility was the maintenance of our Bepoz membership

database. He handled tasks such as crediting membership and locker fees, updating membership levels, and resolving any issues promptly. Denis's proficiency extended to providing remote assistance through Teamviewer, demonstrating his commitment to resolving any technical challenges.

Denis also played a crucial role in managing our communication platforms, maintaining the Mailchimp database, and overseeing advertising of our sponsors as well as members' activities on our large TV screen. Additionally, he managed the BowlsWA database for all Pennant bowlers.

Denis took charge of updating advertising on our large TV screen, ensuring that sponsors received the visibility they deserved and featuring members' activities to recognise our volunteers. He managed the printing and distribution of membership cards, promptly issuing new cards and reissuing damaged or lost ones and also handled locker invoices to ensure fees were processed efficiently.

His dedication and expertise have left an indelible mark. His commitment to excellence and tireless work ethic have contributed to the smooth operation of our membership systems. As he steps back from his volunteer role, we express our deepest gratitude for his invaluable service. Denis's legacy will continue to inspire us for years to come.

– Neville Odell

The "Butterscotch/ Barley Sugar Baron"

MeetEvan Cosh, the "Butterscotch Baron" of our Club. With a pocketful of lollies he spreads joy across the green, turning every game into a sugary delight.

Accepting a lolly from Evan, means signing up for a delightful sugar rush. Evan's reign remains unchallenged. As long as there are bowls to be rolled and sweet teeth to be satisfied, the Butterscotch Baron will hold court, dispensing his treats with the flair of a seasoned showman. Thank you from us all.

Croquet Report

Congratulations to:

• In our Singles Club Championship, Wendy Price won all her games to become the 2023/24 Champion.

• Jan and Terry (Team Craddock) prevailed in a very closely contested Club Championships. Wendy Price and Janice Davidson (Sister Act) were runners-up (again); with the "Hurt Team" (Amanda and Larry) in third position

• Wendy Price and her sister Janice Davidson entered the “C” Grade Golf Croquet competition and won all ten of their matches as well as the raffle!

The Development of Golf Croquet

This originated in England in the 19th century as a simplified version of traditional Association croquet. It was designed to be a more sociable and quicker game to play, with two teams of two players on the court at the same time. Its fast-paced nature led to its popularity among players of all ages and skill levels, both casually and competitively.

In 1996 the first Golf Croquet World Championship was organised in Milan, which was a great success. Surprisingly, the Egyptians, who only took up the sport in 1952 dominated the competition. Since then, world championships have been played on a semi-annual basis in each of the major playing countries.

Skills Required for Golf Croquet

Golf Croquet emphasizes two main skills: estimating distance; and the force required when striking the ball to ensure accuracy in placing it or moving an opponent’s ball. The game is won by the side that is the first to score seven hoops in the correct order.

Social Golf Croquet

This is played in a relaxed atmosphere, offering opportunities for pleasant interactions, but with strategic thinking and concentration, which keeps the

mind sharp. It is a game that is easy to learn, but becomes more complex with experience in learning new strokes and applying them to game tactics.

It is relatively low impact compared to many other sports, reducing the risk of injury. It appeals to all ages with younger players participating more and more – especially in New Zealand.

The Twelve Commandants of Golf Croquet

1. Learn the rules and apply them when you play.

2. Work on your grip, stance and swing to ensure consistency and accuracy.

3. Develop tactics and strategies. Anticipate your next moves and your opponent's possible moves – then plan your shots accordingly.

4. Practice aiming accuracy: Set up targets and practice hitting them consistently.

5. Manage speed control according to the lawn conditions to enable you to place your ball where you want it.

6. Learn and practice advanced shots: once you are comfortable with the basics.

7. Play regularly. The more you play with focus, the better you'll become.

8. Watch professional players to pick up tips and techniques to improve your game.

9. Stay patient and positive. Improvement takes time and practice.

10. Attend coaching workshops to refine your skills.

11. Maintain your fitness and flexibility as croquet can be physically demanding.

12. Enjoy the game and the process of improving. Sport is not just about winning.

– Di McGivern

Sorrento Ladies in Action

Congratulations to our Premier Division for retaining their position in Premier with five wins ending up 8th on the ladder

The annual Mosman Park "Inter Region Round Robin" was a great competition with bowlers from Premier to 3rd Division playing each other. The Northern Region won the competition

In April, Sorrento played in the annual "Wanneroo /Joondalup Trophy" and by the looks on their faces they had lots of fun

A Poem from JJ

Thanks to John Jackson (JJ) for this poem by Barrie Horn, which he thought was appropriate for our news magazine. With a bit of help from our ChatGPT we took out references to "red hot rivets and "Tyneside toilers" and converted the Heaton Park poem to the following:

In Sorrento's lovely bowler's haven, Shaded by trees, a soothing scene, Here, we find respite and pleasure, Shielded from the heat so keen.

In timeless afternoons of summer, Under a sky of azure blue; We play the ancient game with pleasure, On our greens, so trim and true.

Let's roll our bowls with measured grace, As the sea breeze whispers a calming sound; In Sorrento's embrace, we find our place, In timeless games, friendship is found.

Let’s Do It

Did you hear about the bowling club that had a problem with tasks not getting done. At the next meeting the Secretary shared this story: "Once upon a time, there were four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. When there was an important job to do, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody assumed Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized Everybody wouldn’t do it. Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done".

What to do when you Win!

"Winners are Grinners"

Did you know that, after a win, the Aztecs took it to the extreme by scalping their opponents?

The Romans were a bit more intimate. They swapped undergarments with teammates whenever they nailed a shot in Bocce. Nothing says "team spirit" like sharing your undies, right?

And let's not forget the Visigoths, who had a peculiar tradition. They'd have a group bowel movement into the same bucket and then deliver it ceremoniously to their opponents. Fortunately, we have moved on a bit since then. In my 2009 book, "Roll up for a Laugh", I listed some suggestions for bowlers to consider when they win. These were:

√ Put one or two fingers or your fist into the air.

√ High five your fellow bowlers.

√ Glide through the air.

√ Sing, whoop and holler.

√ Prance and dance with a bit of cavorting.

√ Or a combination of these options.

The above are still acceptable for MIXED GENDER bowls. My other suggestions are unfortunately, no longer acceptable in the genteel world of

These celebrations, of a win or a good shot, are all acceptable when playing "Mixed Gender Bowls"

These celebrations, of a win or a good shot, are all unacceptable when playing "Mixed Gender Bowls" NO!

MIXED GENDER bowls as they may cause offence! Therefore, don't try any of the following without modification in the future:

* Swaggering down the green pulling your shirt /blouse over your head.

* Doing a stacks-on-the-mill where players create a stack by diving onto each other after a successful shot or victory.

* Kissing or hugging your partner or both. Hugs are like snowflakes –each one unique and potentially hazardous. When wrapping your arms around a fellow bowler in celebration, be mindful of their size, stature, and personal space. Nobody wants to feel like they're being squeezed by a boa constrictor. A gentle embrace goes a long way!

* Jumping up and down or into your partner's lap. Sudden movements like jumping or leaping can disrupt your balance and lead to accidents, such as falls or collisions with other players or objects on the green.

* Crushing a delicate ladies' little hand – some men like to show their strength!

* Doing a chest bump with your partner

This could be a real problem if you are tall and your partner is short (see photo alongside) and someone gets a face full of chest. Remember, the goal is a jubilant bump, not a nose-to-nose boop!

Instead of a chest bump try and do a shoulder bump, a gentle high-five, a fist bump or a victory dance that won't send anyone to the chiropractor? Let's keep celebrations wild but injury-free.

Remember, before unleashing your signature victory move, take a moment to communicate with your fellow bowlers. Seek consent, respect boundaries, and ensure that everyone feels comfortable and included in the celebration. Remember, a simple "Are you ready for a chest bump?" This can prevent a world of awkwardness and mishaps.

– Neville Odell

"Bowling" Advice from Famous People

Genghis Khan (1162-1227)

"If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent, as punishment, a Skipper like me upon you".

Sir Francis Drake (1540-1596)

"There must be a headwind or a sea breeze to make a good bowler. Remember, there is time enough to play the game and thrash the Spaniards afterwards”.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

"All the world's a green, and all the men and women merely bowlers. To bowl or not to bowl, that is the question. Out, out, short bowls!"

Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"We shall bowl on the beaches, we shall bowl on the landing grounds, we shall bowl in the fields and in the streets, we shall never surrender!"

Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

"As a Skipper, I have a dream that my three little bowlers will one day help me to win a game”.

Sorrento Gets Lucky with Shining Shona

TheSorrento Bowling Club has not been the only beneficiary of Shona Carter’s “never let a chance go by” attitude.

From her early days in New Zealand until present times Shona has undertaken multiple roles with enthusiasm and efficiency. Born in 1952, Shona enjoyed her formative years in Wellington and at the age of 19 married Robert. She had gained employment as a junior officer worker for a trucking company and rose to become an assistant to two engineers. Children Rochelle and Brett arrived on the scene and when Robert was offered a two-year contract as an engineering draughtsman in Perth, the family took a deep breath and a giant step into the unknown.

Shona vividly recalls the day they arrived in Perth in March 1980 and climbed into an airport taxi with no air conditioning on a 39-degree day. The climatic difference compared to Wellington was staggering and Shona easily remembers thinking “let’s go home.” But they stuck at it, and like countless Kiwis before and since, decided to stay put.

Shona’s resourcefulness came to the fore one day while she was out walking and came across the Glengarry Hospital. She bowled into the foyer and asked if there were any jobs going – particularly in the office work area. They snapped her up and for 10 years Shona job shared with two other ladies in the delicate field of handling admissions and discharges.

At this stage bowls wasn’t on the radar but squash certainly was and remarkably, given what lay ahead, fellow players at the Marmion Club included Pauline Bourne, Shelley Jeffs and Di Cox.

On leaving Glengarry Hospital, Shona took a job at Kresta Blinds and rose

to be a manager in administration and purchasing. When the curtain came down on that job, Shona started her own business in the soft furnishing industry, selling wholesale fabrics to retail shops and factories.

Intermingled with all this came a crook knee and Shona was forced to seek out something less strenuous than squash. As luck would have it, especially for the Sorrento Bowling Club, Shona one day, just like she had at the Glengarry Hospital, walked in off the street 10 years ago and expressed her interest in lawn bowls. And like many before her, she bumped into head coach Graeme Heard and was on her way.

Not only has Shona been a valuable contributor on the green, she has fearlessly filled a variety of roles just about everyone shies away from. Those include two-year stints as chairperson of selectors and vice-captain. On top of that, Shona currently holds the demanding position of chair of Match Committee and gives up every Wednesday morning to attend to office work and answer the phone. Having hailed from windy Wellington, we at Sorrento are mighty fortunate that fierce breeze had enough strength to carry her all the way to our Club.

– Jim Woodward

Advice For Seniors

Havedeep conversations with yourself because you're the only one with the answers. Forget anger management; it's the people around you who need to step up their game. You're not lacking in social skills; it's just that your patience for nonsense is wearing thin. And let's be real, the biggest fib you tell yourself is, "I'll remember that without writing it down." Duct tape might not solve everything, but it can sure quiet the foolishness around you. You've noticed your peers aging faster than you, which is a bit odd. Getting old was supposed to be a gradual process, not a sudden rush. Sure, you might move slower, but your wit is as sharp as ever. And who says you have to act your age? Embrace the rebellion against the passage of time! And one final piece of advice: "One for the road" means a bathroom stop before heading out!

Our Bowlers of the Year 2023/24

Bruce Eagles

Achievements

Bruce won the Men's Singles and was runner-up in the Men's Pairs and a semi-finalist in the Mixed Pairs

The runner-up for "Men's Bowler of the Year"

Murray Hulbert

Wendy Saul

Achievements

Wendy won the Women’s Fours, the Women’s Triples was runner-up in the Mixed Fours and the Women's Singles.

The runner-up for "Women's Bowler of the Year"

Liz Marshall

Congratulations to Winners: Bruce and Wendy and to Runner's up Murray and Liz

Members and Others in Action

Jan and Alice Konig enjoying a drink

Anne and Trevor supporting the Eagles

John Smith trying to look like our President

Every Sunday morning members of the Hamersley Golf Club enjoy a beer at Sorrento while their clubhouse is being re-built

Two of our Volunteer barmen.

Above: Ron Taylor

Below: Lindsay Baker

Good Old Days"

Ian Munro was the winner of a 1 Blue Crab when he messed up the score card

"The

Sorrento 3 Blue Midweek Promotion

By round 18, 3 Blue were second and thus qualified for promotion to 2nd Division. It had been a close race for top spot which would have given us automatic promotion but top was Nollamara by four points. Therefore, in the first week of the playoffs, we played the 5th side, North Beach, at home and won convincingly. The 3rd and 4th teams played off with Morley defeating Cambridge.

We then secured promotion by beating Morley in the promotion playoff and were cheered home by a large and enthusiastic gallery which was very encouraging – thank you.

For the last ten games of the season the three sides remained unchanged, which made winning so much easier. Special congratulations go to Paul Ramsey who was clear winner on the ‘Player Ladder’ with 14 wins – 3 more than his nearest rival. We all look forward, with keenness, to strut our stuff for Sorrento in 2nd Division next Season.

– Phil Oldershaw

From left to right: Phil Oldershaw, Keith Tompkins, Peter Robson, Paul Ramsey, Ross Porteous, Gary Bobridge (Coach), Brian Staples, Greg Clements, Gerald Hanna, Graeme O'Brien, Peter Snow, John Smith and Stan van Mosseveld

For Pennant Player-of-the-Year, a player is awarded two points for a Pennant win and one point for a draw. Phil Oldershaw racked up

• 12 wins and three losses midweek for 24 points and

• 10 wins, one draw and four losses on Saturday for another 21 points. In total, Phil was 172 shots up for the season.

Ross Porteous was 1 point behind Phil, and Paul Ramsey a further point behind. All data was taken from the Bowlslink Player Ladder database. Men's Pennant Player-of-the-Year

Bowls and Snooker/Pool Comparison

In previous news magazines, Neville has compared golf, cricket, curling, skittles, crown bowls, rowing and tennis to lawn bowls. He recently asked me to list the similarities and differences between bowls and snooker/pool.

Similarities:

Both sports require a high level of precision, accuracy, and skill. In bowls, players must aim to roll their bowls as close as possible to a target, while in snooker/pool, players aim to pot balls into specific pockets with precise control over the cue ball.

Both sports involve strategic thinking and planning as players need to consider angles, positioning, and potential future moves to outsmart their opponents and achieve their objectives. Success in both bowls and snooker/ pool relies heavily on maintaining focus and concentration throughout the game. A lapse in concentration can lead to errors and missed opportunities.

Bowls and snooker/pool require players to develop and refine their techniques and finesse over time to achieve consistent results. Whether it's the delivery of a bowl in bowls or the execution of a precise shot in snooker/pool, mastering the technical aspects is essential. A regular repetitive action or delivery in both sports is required to achieve favourable results. Where back swing and follow through allow for the player to achieve a constant line. A soft touch of the cue or bowl in hand to allow for the pace of the table or green.

The wick or rub shot in bowls can be attributed to Snooker (or billiards or pool) where you play to work off a bowl (whether yours or theirs) to achieve a favourable result. The plant or cannon shot is also straight from

the inside game where hitting a target that hits another bowl or snooker ball to also achieve a result in your favour.

Both bowls and snooker/pool can be mentally challenging sports. Players must be able to cope with pressure, setbacks, and unexpected situations while maintaining composure and confidence.

Differences:

Bowls requires players to use biased bowls, sometimes described as deaf lumps of plastic, whereas snooker/pool requires cues, balls, and a specially designed table with pockets. Lawn bowls is played on a grass or artificial turf surface, typically outdoors. Where the vagaries of the preparation and the weather have a great effect on the speed of the “green”. While snooker/ pool is played indoors on a flat and smooth cloth-covered table where the speed of the surface is constant.

Lawn bowls is played over various lengths determined by winning the toss and rolling the jack to your advantage. Whereas the game of snooker/pool is played on the same size table. In bowls, the objective is to roll the bowl as close as possible to the jack or to knock opponents' bowls away, whereas in snooker, the objective is to score points by potting balls in a specific sequence and preventing the opponent from doing the same.

In bowls, players remain stationary (unless your name is Saulie or Bruce) after delivering their bowls, whereas in snooker/pool, players move around the table to take shots from different angles and positions. Bowls is a turnbased game where players take alternate shots, whereas snooker/pool is a continuous game where players take shots until they fail to pot a ball or commit a foul.

In summary a snooker/pool player and a bowler have a lot in common in playing both sports and I found in my early days it was very healthy to have a game of pool or snooker to help keep my “eye” in. Good bowls and better health to you all.

– John Goddard

Women's Invitation Day– 15th March 2024

A Scottish Comedian

Chic

Murray (1919 - 1985) was a Scottish comedian with a unique sense of humour. Bob Steven sent in some of Chic's one-liners.

• We were so poor that a luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

• There were so many holes in my socks that I could put them on seventeen different ways.

• I rang the bell of this small bed-and-breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?" She asked. "I want to stay here," I replied. "Well, stay there then," she said and closed the window.

• I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze, and gambling. The rest I spent foolishly.

• I was walking along the banks of the River Clyde opposite Dumbarton with my mate who said, "If you look across the river, you can see Dumbarton Rock." I stared at it for a full ten minutes and never saw it move.

• I dreamt I was forced to eat 25 kg of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

• I was walking along the road. I knew I was walking because one foot was following the other. A car drew up beside me and stopped. The driver opened the door and asked me if he could give me a lift. I replied that I didn't need a lift as I lived in a bungalow.

• I went to the doctor, and he told me I only had three minutes to live. I immediately asked if there was anything he could do for me, to which he replied that he could boil me an egg.

• I met this chap at the Olympics. I said to him, "Excuse me, but are you a pole vaulter?" He replied, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter."

• I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

– Thanks to Bob Steven for this contribution

Prayer of an Ageing Woman

LORD,you know, better than I do myself, that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from getting talkative and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody: helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details: give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonable and sweet. I do not want to be a saint. Some of them are so hard to live with: but a sour old woman is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Help me to extract all possible fun out of life. There are so many funny things around us and I do not want to miss any of them. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. AMEN

Editor's Note:

Thanks to Moira Dean for this anonymous prayer usually attributed to a seventeenth century Nun but its sentiments are only too familiar. Moira tells us she is looking for a similar prayer for ageing men!

Things my Parents taught me…

• My Mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I've just finished cleaning".

• My Dad taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I will knock you into the middle of next week!"

• My Dad taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

• My Mom taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

• My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

• My Mom taught me about the WEATHER. "This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

• My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate."

• My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your Dad!"

• My Mom taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

• My Mom taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

• My Mom taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it from your Dad when you get home."

• My Mom taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

• My Mom taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

• My Dad taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

• My Mom taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

• My Mom taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your Dad."

• My Mom taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

• My Dad taught me about JUSTICE. "One day, you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

– Thanks to Trevor Orton for this contribution

Some More Odds and Ends

36 Members played in our annual Silver Chain Day which raised $233.Winners were David White, Bernie Smith and Peter Irvine. Runners up were Antonio Tarzia, Jim Portwood and Carol Bury. Well done to all involved.

Above: Ray and Pat Stapledon feeding their neighbourhood birds at 4pm every day

Right: A "quick" green somewhere in England

The "Three Wise Men"– Mike, Richard and Brownie

The original Clubhouse and Southampton’s members in 1894

Get a Knighthood at Southampton's (Old) Bowling Green (The S.O.B.G)

Theoldest lawn bowls club in the UK is believed to be the Southampton (Old) Bowling Green, established in 1299 (or 725 years ago) and is considered one of the oldest lawn bowls clubs in the world. A unique annual competition called the "Knighthood Competition" is held annually on the 1st Wednesday of August and is open to all members of the club, except the pre-existing knights.

The members compete to obtain seven points, with the winner being awarded the title of "Knight-of-the-green" and becoming a "sir" (in lower case). The competition is adjudicated by the members who have previously won the competition (Knights), who adjudicate in top hats and frocked tails suits. Those who win are excluded from future Knighthood competitions.

The rules are different from normal lawn bowls. The competition is played with a "roving jack" style in that the jack is placed on a penny anywhere on the green. Each player takes it in turns to bowl his two bowls at the jack. Each bowl when it comes to rest is measured and the distance from the jack is recorded before the bowl is removed. If a bowl moves the jack, the jack is placed back on the penny before it is measured. If the penny is partially covered by the bowl, it is a toucher, if totally covered, it is a lodger. After all the players have bowled the player with the closest bowl is awarded one point. If he also has the second nearest, he scores two. The jack is then reset at a different position and the game continues until somebody has scored seven points.

The winner is made a "knight-of-the-green" and can never enter this competition again. It is a rarity for the knight to be declared on the first day and the competition has been known to last ten days.

– Thanks to Gail and Peter who visited this club

Sorrento's International Umpire

Did you hear that Michael Hughes has successfully completed the World Bowls’ assessment for accreditation as an International Technical Official (ITO) for the next five years. The criteria used for this assessment are a thorough understanding of regulations, their experience officiating at local, national, and regional events. In addition, they must have showcased their competence to experienced umpires. The ability to sustain focus during prolonged periods is also considered important.

We need to remember that Umpires are there to ensure that all games are conducted fairly and in accordance with the laws. They help maintain the integrity of a competition by preventing rule violations and ensuring that players adhere to the established standards of conduct. Umpires are also responsible for resolving disputes that may arise. Their impartiality and knowledge of the laws allow them to make informed decisions and settle conflicts quickly and effectively, preventing disruptions.

International umpires enforce consistent interpretation and application of the laws across different matches and competitions. This consistency helps create a level playing field for all participants and ensures that the outcome of the games is determined solely by skill and strategy. The presence of a qualified umpire instils confidence in players, knowing that their matches are being overseen by experienced professionals who will uphold the highest standards of fairness and sportsmanship.

World Bowls events are prestigious tournaments that attract attention from players, spectators, and media worldwide. Having competent umpires officiating these events enhances their credibility and prestige, reinforcing the importance and seriousness of the competition. International umpires contribute significantly to the success and reputation of World Bowls events by upholding fair play, resolving disputes, ensuring consistency, and maintaining the integrity of the sport at the highest level of competition.

– Neville Odell

Opening of Our New Synthetic Green

OnFriday 22 March 2024, our synthetic green opening ceremony, barbecue, and game of bowls was a great success.

Our President, Bruce Eagles, opened by thanking the Department of Sport and Recreation, the City of Joondalup and all the members that had helped to bring this project to fruition.

Our special guest was the City of Joondalup Mayor, Albert Jacob, and his kind comments about our Club and our new green were appreciated.

John Murphy, one of the 12 original members of our Club, was delighted to cut the ceremonial ribbon and to formally recognise the opening of the green.

Bowlers played a game of bowls and 12 of our members, pictured below, were pleased to take home a bottle of wine for their efforts on the green in our one-hour friendly game.

Winners:

Phil, Brad, Kerry and Shirley 2nd Prize

Stan, Neville, Denise and Alex 3rd Prize

Bob, Wendy, Ken and Roger

From left to right: Bruce welcoming members and introducing, one of our Founder Members and Life Members – John Murphy. Albert Jacob Mayor of Joondalup and John cutting the ceremonial ribbon to officially declare our synthetic green open

Sorrento Ladies’ Bracelet 100 Sprint

In the good old days we celebrated each Melbourne Cup Day in style. A group of ladies in their high heels and lovely outfits would race across one of our lovely grass greens to establish who was the fastest filly!

It was a foot race like no other! No horses here, but fillys still! Galloping across the green, lunging, heaving bosoms, bums wiggling, bracelets jiggling, knees knocking.

A fragrant cloud in the air as they quickened towards the finish. Paris, 4711, Channel No. 5, April Violets, all combining to a rich womanly aroma. Ah what a scent! Ah what a sight! All wearing horsey headdresses with names like ‘Jenny’, ‘Tiger Lily’, ‘Titmus’, ‘Archer’, ‘Neddy’, and ‘Fruit Cake’, some astride broomsticks. Daphne, alias Jenny, surged to the front and with a shout of ‘Tally Ho’, sprinted over the line.

Of course, nothing involving ladies is without ‘discussion’, and so it was with Tiger Lily (Anne) and Jenny (Daphne). Tiger Lily divulged that ‘Jenny’ had ridden side saddle, and she thought this an advantage, as she (Tiger Lily) had to contend with a ‘stick between ma’ legs. This, of course, caused much laughter. The objection was overruled, and all fillies enjoyed a glass of wine afterwards. The green suffered little damage, and indeed the ‘tiny’ heels had cored a small section of rink 2.

Great memories! Hey, did you hear about the Hermit Crab race? You’ll have to read the next magazine!

– Moira Dean

Mouth Guards Reign Supreme

(This extract, from the West Australian, helped with article)

Mouth guards are an essential item when playing tough sports like rugby, AFL, ice hockey, boxing and wrestling etc. Sportsmen want to avoid orofacial and dental trauma whilst shielding their precious smiles from the onslaught of collisions and impacts. But what about the more genteel sports like lawn bowls?

Imagine, if you will, two elderly gentlemen, engaged in a leisurely game. One enthusiastic bowler, perhaps a tad too eager to secure victory, forgets that he's aiming for the jack, not the clubhouse. Suddenly, his bowl takes on a life of its own, hurtling towards his friend's face faster than a bullet.

But fear not, for our intrepid lawn bowls champion is prepared! With a deft flick of the wrist, he reveals the secret weapon tucked away in his pocket - the mighty mouth guard! With a grin (albeit a slightly muffled one), he takes the

impact like a true hero of the greens, his teeth safe from harm, and his honour intact.

For some, the solution might seem simple: just remove those pesky teeth and set them aside in a glass of water while you enjoy your game. However, this makeshift approach poses its own set of challenges, especially for Skippers, who rely on clear communication to guide their players. Mumbling instructions through toothless jaws to teammates who may already struggle with hearing loss hardly sets the stage for effective play.

Probably the best plan for many of us is to wear a mouth guard to keep our false teeth in place.

– Neville Odell

A Little Bowling Poem

He took his place upon the mat At the angle that he wanted; So rigidly he stood there, that It looked like he was planted. He eyed the flag up on the mast And weighed the wind a blowing; He called experience from the past To guide where the bowl was going.

He firmly held his bowl in hand His eyes they were unblinking; None could tell what he had planned Or just what he was thinking. Then slowly down his body went His bowl arm was at the ready To neither side his torso leant He was so sure and steady.

Then gracefully his arm went out He knew how he would bowl it

“Wrong bias there!” Then came the shout Wouldn’t ya bloody know it!

Here is a little message –Make it a golden rule – Always check your bias And you won’t be a fool!

– By J.J. Hasson