“PARTICIPATION – ENJOYMENT – SUCCESS”
From Your Editor
Welcome
Welcome to another edition of our news magazine! Hope you like our cover. This is a sunset over Sorrento. As we go further into 2024, let's reflect on the triumphs, challenges, and camaraderie that continue to define our Club. From thrilling matches to heart-warming moments on the green, there's plenty to celebrate and share in this issue. So grab a cuppa, or a beer, and settle in to read our latest magazine.
Some more "Did you Hear" and "Did you Know"
Did you know that Keith Minnett played bowls with Nick Brett, the UK famous lawn bowler, who is widely celebrated for his precision and strategic prowess? His smooth delivery and unwavering focus make him a formidable opponent. Nick Brett's impressive career includes multiple victories. Brett is admired for his sportsmanship and dedication to the game. Now we know where Keith got his talent and bowling skills – from one of the best bowlers in the World.
Did you know that Life Members Graeme Whitehorn and John Abercrombie can perhaps be excused for feeling they are somewhat immortal? The reason? Take a look at the Honour Board listing Sorrento’s Life Members and you’ll notice Graeme and John are the only ones who don’t have enough room alongside their names to have a deceased asterisk inserted. Thanks to Jim Woodward for this useful observation!
Did you know that new recreational member, Matt Owen, is a project manager/technical specialist in instrumentation and airborne data acquisition. He works for Xcalibur Smart who perform Airborne
Assorted Bits and Pieces
Meet Ethel, Mildred, Agatha, and Clarence, four dapper lawn bowlers from 1938 in regulation dress-length attire!" This cartoon was up on the wall at the Glen Forest bowling club just outside the ladies toilet!
One Pennant day, when we were under pressure, there were five top bowlers watching us lose and drinking beer. How are we supposed to win?
An easy mistake to make! A man was VERY disappointed after ordering a 34-year old Escort online and then got this!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!
Spider Webb was a bit confused when he saw these signs on our new synthetic green!
geophysical mapping so, if you need geophysical mapping help, have a chat with him. Matt and his mate Dave are both bowling well and will be great in our Pennant teams when they are ready. When I told Matt that I was always looking for things for our news magazine he suggested articles on the following:
• The styles, victories, and impact on game of bowling legends.
• A guide on etiquette, sportsmanship, opponent respect, and how to foster a welcoming atmosphere.
• Tips and insights on improving our deliveries, techniques, footwork, and body positioning.
• A personal narrative of a bowler's journey from novice to mastery, including challenges faced, lessons learned, and the joy of achieving milestones.
If any one of our readers would like to write a piece on one of the above suggestions, please let us know.
Did you know that Jeff and Lesley pass 12 bowling clubs when they travel from their home in the Perth Hills to the Sorrento Bowling? Jeff tells me the trip takes about an hour each way. We are indeed lucky to have Lesley and Jeff in our Club and hopefully they will not get tired of travelling! The clubs they pass on the way are Mundaring, Kalamunda, Glenn Forrest, Ellenbrook (Valley), Inglewood, Mount Lawley, Nollamara, Yokine, Bayswater, Wanneroo. Warwick and North Beach
Did you know that Kevin Coffey has given up on ponies. middies, schooners and pints and now prefers a jug?
Kevin needs a special shout out for all the volunteering he has done in our Club – from Friday night's Joker to new backing on all our ditches. We are indeed lucky to have volunteers like Kevin.
Did you hear about the latest scandal rocking our Club? It seems Shelley decided to take her bowling technique to a whole new level by giving Roger's bald head a good luck rub and then his leg too! Her husband, Bob, sitting opposite and a keen observer of all things, couldn't believe his eyes!
Shelley's defence? She insists it was an innocent mistake, claiming she mistook Roger's head for none other than her husband Bob's!
Did you know that Aaron Ziz is very good at working out the likely sections winners based on actual and potential draws and current scores? He tells me he was good with arithmetic but was bad when it came to Algebra and Geometry!
Did you know that after sky diving last year Carmel Hyde is now planning to swim with the sharks at Hillarys? Her son Stephen, who plays for Yanchep, says she just needs to learn how to breathe properly with a snorkel. Carmel tells us that she already knows! Hopefully we will get a photograph for the next news magazine.
Did you hear about when 3 Blue were playing Belmont on the last end they ended up 16-16, 17-17 and 18-18 on three rinks? Fortunately, the 4th rink won so 3 Blue got six and a half points to Belmont's one and a half!
Comments, Letters and Messages to your Editor
We joined Sorrento in May 2023, from Joondalup, and although it was a bit further to drive from our home in Currambine, we popped by one afternoon to check it out and immediately felt welcomed by a few members who asked us to join them. It didn’t take us long to fill in our forms and sign up. We have thoroughly enjoyed our time here and met some great people and have enjoyed the banter the members and everything that happens in the club. We watched the nationals and it was great to be a part of that. We love our social roll up with our ten friends from Joondalup and I can honestly speak for Lynne and Gordon Plenderleith, Jan Boekestein, George Smart, Roy Alexander, Tom Henderson, Dave Munnings, Jacques Hugo, David Jackson and Sally Woods who are all pleased that they made the right decision to leave Joondalup and are very happy being at Sorrento. Kind regards – Kathy & Mark Donoghue
Robyn Rowe and her husband Graeme
Bob and his Grandson. Note the sympathy bandage!
"Mad Dog" and his "brother" Mike. We have been told that they go to the same hairdresser
John and Robyn swanning around Vietnam!
Ron Taylor and John Abercrombie looking happy!
Kerry, George, Colin, Phil, Ron, Larry and Larraine enjoying Australia Day
Volunteers Brian Allcock, John Keddie, John Jackson, John Hobbs and Les Burnett helping with the dishes after the Social Christmas party
Thank you for such a wonderful No. 96 news magazine. I was particularly pleased to see the articles on Ian Wittber and John Sanders. I saw John and shared a few moments with him on a train from Perth not long before he died. The article provided by Alan McFadden was also very interesting and enlightening. We are so lucky to have him. And I'm sure readership of the magazine will be huge - that our sponsors will be completely pleased to have such good exposure.
– Phil OldershawHi Neville, I am extremely proud to have served but nobody has ever acknowledged Sorrento's Vietnam Veterans in the wonderful manner you have on page 54 of this edition. lt's extremely well written and proves you have a great passion for this delicate subject. They were very difficult days and I hope the other seven blokes feel the same way about it as I do.
– Jim WoodwardThe SBC News Magazine is fantastic, Neville. You've put in a tremendous effort, and members of your club must be proud of your outstanding work!
– Con Migro Yokine Bowling ClubWe have not renewed our membership for the 2023/24 season As members for many years, we always appreciated and enjoyed your magazine. It contained a wealth of general content which we found most informative and interesting. We hope you receive plenty of positive feedback from members to ensure continuation of the magazine in whatever format. Denise and yourself deserve a huge vote of thanks for the time and effort you have put into the delivery of such a great Club asset. Warm regards and best wishes to you both – Anne and Frank Lilley
Thanks to following who continue to help with our news magazine: Bob Stevens, ChatGPT, Mark Douglass, Shona Carter, Pat Dichiera, Matt Owen, Mike Hodge, Ian Johnson, Kerry Hutchinson, Kathy Donoghue, Brian Cuthbert, Stan Brickell, Anne and Trevor Orton, JanPan, Denis Croker, Keith Minnett, Jim Woodward, Moita Dean, Dan Greig, Paul Dohert, Brian Staples, Alex Third, Kevin McKersey, Michael Hughes, Di McGivern, Ken Partridge and Kevin Coffey for their contributions.
Complaints:
Brian Keily told us that his wife had spotted an error on page 4 of our last edition. We wrote "Here we are in February already" when the news magazine was issued in January. Apologies but this was my fault as I failed to change February to January! It is good to know that wives read our magazine. We also had one member tell us our article on "Appreciating the Dedication of Our Volunteers" was too long! I told him I needed five pages to do justice to this important topic.
You didn't ask us but.....
• You never appreciate what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example!
• The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in place!
• Try to remember, the greener grass across the fence may be due to a septic tank issue!
• Did you know that on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary either!
And one more thing........
– Thanks to JanPan for this useful information.
Dear Lord - Please give me a sense of humour, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humour out of life, and pass it on to other folk.
– Neville and Denise OdellMatch Report
Women's Pairs Championship
In early December, 20 teams enjoyed a perfect morning for bowls. A straight knock-out was played leaving the five winning teams to play off
• Lorraine Clarke and Jan Goddard +8
• Jan Cook and Liz Marshall +3
• Larraine Brickell and Sue Delavale +12
• Jennifer Page and Shirley Palmer +17
• Kath Harris and Charmain Harris +7
After some closely contested and exciting games we ended up with a final between Sue/Larraine and Kath/Charmain Harris. The score was six points each on the eighth end but the Harris team managed to pick up two fives, on the 9th end and 12th end. Sue and Larraine put in a great fight but the Harris team went away with a 22/9 win to win two in a row.
Men's Fours Championship
In January after the qualifying games, we ended up with four teams. The semi-finals were between Ross Cunningham, Warren Elliott, Des Russell and Gerald Hanna ("The Kiwi Crew") against Peter Auguston, Gary Bayne, Mark Douglass and Adrian Rose. It was a closely contested game with scores quite close up until the mid-point of the game, however, the Auguston team then started to get on top with some very consistent play and ended up winning six of the last nine ends, albeit by only small scores, but enough to hold the Cunningham combination at bay until the final end, winning 15 shots to 9.
The second semi-final Dan Greig, Jim Spencer, Jeff Thomson and Brian Staples against Murray Hulbert, Alan Walton, Peter Flack and Peter Morgan started with the Greig team leading by four shots after four ends. By the thirteenth end the fancied Hulbert side looked in control until they inexplicably dropped five shots on the fourteenth end. They recovered quickly by picking up three shots on the fifteenth end and by the start of the eighteenth end there was a two shot advantage to the Greig side. All set for a very tight finish. Ultimately, the Greig side played a percentage game on the last end and restricted the opposition to take a one shot lead on the final
end, which wasn't good enough to take the win. Final score 17 to 16. This left the grand final to be played out between the teams of Greig and Auguston in the afternoon. This game also started very evenly with scores tied up until the tenth end. On the eleventh end the Auguston team surprisingly gave away a five and followed on with another four dropped on the twelfth end, generated in large part by the entertaining and skilful bowls of "Mad Dog" Spencer. This was ultimately too big a lead to give to the determined Greig team and while the Auguston team never gave the game away, (winning the last five ends) it was too big a lead to give away. The "Shock and Awe" team's final score 25 to 21 after the twenty one ends.
Ladies Triples Championship 2024
The was held in January in very hot conditions with eight teams.
The four semi-finalists were Sandy Everest, Kaye Martin and Jennifer Page who played Wendy Saul, Liz Marshall and Diane Cox with Team Saul winning 19 to 12. In the other semi-final Kerry Hutchinson, Anne Sauerwein, and Lesley Hughes played Pauline Bourne, Jan Cook and Coral Smith with team Bourne winning 16 to 8.
The final was Team Bourne, our champions for the past two years, playing Team Saul. It was a really tight game going down to the last couple of ends with a result of 13 to 11 to Wendy Saul, Liz Marshall and Dianne Cox.
Mixed Pairs Championship
In the first semi-final, Lee Leach and Ronnie Rogers proved to be too strong beating Liz Marshall and Bruce Eagles 19-11. The highlight of this game was one of Ronnie`s drives which after a few glides/wicks managed to leave only his teams four bowls on the rink. In the other semi-final Wendy Saul and Murray Hulbert beat Anne Sauerwein and Matt Sharratt 18-11.
In the final both leads, Lee and Wendy, started well and it was a tight struggle with Skips Ronnie and Murray showcasing some great draw bowls. At 12-11 after nine ends and with Lee continually getting bowls in the head, Ronnie edged ahead 18-12 and then 22-14 after 15 ends. With Murray needing to chase shots the game finished 23-17 to Lee and Ronnie. Congratulations go to Lee and Ronnie who now have their names on the trophy for the fourth time.
Ladies Fours Championship
This year we played this competition as a round robin. There were only six teams nominated to play, so each team played five games over the two days
of the event. All round one games went down to the wire with our three winners being:
• P Boardman, K Hutchinson, N Porteous and N Atheneides
• S Everest, S Delavale, J Cook and L Brickell
• P Marsden, A Sauerwein, S Palmer and R Woodward
Round two winners:
• P Boardman K Hutchinson, N Porteous and N Atheneides
• P Bourne, L Leach, W Saul and C Smith
• M Dean, C Greig, J Power Tuke and J Page
Round three winners:
• M Dean, C Greig, J Power-Tuke and J Page
• P Bourne, L Leach, W Saul and C Smith
• C Harris, S Carter, L Hughes and K Harris
Our final round winners were
• P Boardman, K Hutchinson, N Porteous and N Atheneides
• S Everest, S Delavale, L Brickell and L Marshall
• P Bourne, L Leach, W Saul and C Smith
A big congratulations to winners
Pauline Bourne, Lee Leach, Wendy Saul and Coral Smith with a score of 12 + 33. The runners up were Sandy Everest, Sue Delavale, Lorraine Brickell, and Jan Cook/Liz Marshall with a score of 9 +2.
Horrible Bowls Etiquette
— Or how to upset the opposition with a bit of gamesmanship
Committees around the World have discussed the etiquette of lawn bowls at length with many words written about this contentious subject. I thought it might be useful to record how, by ignoring all this advice, you can deliberately upset your opposition with a bit of gamesmanship thereby increasing the frequency of winning a game.
Remember gamesmanship is the art of winning without cheating. If the art is applied against you, it is dirty play: the other way round it is clever psychology.
Here are some suggestions:
Obscure the peg
A good way to start is to stand in front of the peg. Several bowlers use the peg to get their line so make sure you get in the way. Movement in the head as your opponent is about to bowl is also a useful distraction. A variation on this is to surreptitiously move the peg. (See paragraph below on S.P.O.G.S.)
Sledge
As in the courteous game of cricket, exchanging words with the opposition to put them off their usual game by getting them to lose concentration is known as sledging. It is a good way to “psyche out” an opponent and may lead to an unexpected decline in their performance. It is therefore recommended next time you want to get an advantage you “chirp like a canary”. This niggling may result in your opponent putting down a bad bowl
Encourage the drive
When your opponent is on the mat, wiping down his bowl, try to encourage a drive, as this risky action could lead to the loss of his bowl. This is a good strategy to adopt especially if the person has been drawing beautifully all afternoon.
Argue and kick
Another way to upset the opposition is to argue vehemently about the number of bowls removed from the head during measuring. Kick counted bowls away from the head so that there is additional confusion. Deride the opposition Third if he puts down his duster for placing counted bowls.
Alex Marshall, the Scottish bowling maestro, took 'checking the shot' to a whole new level in the World Indoor Bowls final. At a crucial moment, he got on his knees, hoping for a miracle. When reality hit, and he found out he was one down, he decided to roll with it—literally. There are no explicit rules against such actions. However, if you want to create a disruption to disadvantage your opponent perhaps this might be seen as a humorous and quirky moment rather than unsporting behaviour.
Show impatience
The etiquette rules say that the mat is yours until the bowl comes to rest. If your opponent steps off the mat to watch his bowl, get onto the mat and prepare to bowl. Show impatience if he takes too long to get off the rink.
Make extraneous noises
Humming, passing wind, coughing, flapping arms, dropping bowls, calling out to spectators or casting a shadow help and remember it is always a good idea to loudly applaud their bad shots.
Block the view
Finally, if your opponent likes to stand on the mat and watch his bowl until it comes to a complete stop walk up in front of him so that he cannot see the line his bowl is taking.
Foot faults
As your opponent is about to bowl remind him about the new foot fault rules. This will make him aware that you are watching his feet, and this will put him off his game. If they continue to cheat call the Umpire.
The Surreptitiously Positioned Object Disciple (or the S. P. O. D)
Within the ranks of the fine upstanding bowling fraternity, there exists the S.P.O.Ds. They are instantly recognizable as they emerged from the clubhouse loaded down with spare bags, a duster, a Thermos flask, the daily newspaper, a spare sweater and a waterproof. During the trial ends the S.P.O.D will take careful note of the correct lines and surreptitiously position the aforementioned objects on the bank, as
guiding marks for the forehand and backhand in both directions. The trick is to move his carefully placed objects when he is in the act of delivering his bowl. Initially moves of a subtle and fractional nature are recommended but once the S.P.O.D has become totally distraught make larger moves.
Talk to the opposition’s bowls
Although we all know that bowls are deaf lumps of plastic it is nevertheless useful to shout or laugh at your opponent’s bowls as they come into the head. Comments such as “Miss everything” or “No wicks, no wicks” are particularly useful. If you get a lucky wick claim that it was deliberate. If your opponent gets a wick describe it as lucky.
Exaggerate problems
Whenever the opposition complains about the rink or one side of the rink you should immediately and sympathetically agree with these viewpoints saying that you agree entirely that the backhand (or forehand as the case may be) is impossible to play and that such a surface should not be presented for serious pennant play. Exaggerate the problems! Underline the fears. By sympathising excessively with the moaning opponent who grizzles about the team, the weather, the green and the wind.
Finally remember: “If you want to beat somebody on the bowling green, just get them mad”.
– Neville OdellSpeeding Drivers and Clever Solutions!
Onceupon a time, in the serene realm of a rural highway, Farmer Jack faced an unprecedented challenge. The once peaceful road had transformed into a bustling thoroughfare, where the thunderous pace of traffic threatened his beloved free-range chickens—falling victim at an alarming rate of three to six per week.
Frustrated and determined to protect his feathered friends, Farmer Jack took matters into his own hands. He dialled the local police station, pleading for action against the reckless drivers jeopardizing his poultry paradise. "You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens," he implored to the local police officer.
In response, the officer, keen on resolving the issue, asked, "What do you want me to do?" With a desperate tone, Farmer Jack exclaimed, "I don't care; just do something about those crazy drivers!"
The next day, the diligent policeman orchestrated the installation of a sign that read "SCHOOL CROSSING." However, three days later, Farmer Jack called once again, unsatisfied. "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The 'SCHOOL CROSSING' sign seems to make them go even faster!"
Undeterred, the dynamic duo decided to try a new tactic. A sign was erected, boldly proclaiming "SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY." Surprisingly, this had the unexpected effect of accelerating the traffic even more, leaving Farmer Jack exasperated.
Driven by determination, Farmer Jack proposed a solution of his own. "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?" He inquired. In a bid to quell the persistent farmer, the accommodating officer replied, "Sure. Put up your own sign."
And so, the calls to the Police Station ceased. Intrigued, the officer couldn't resist the urge to uncover the secret behind Farmer Jack's success. He dialled Farmer Jack and inquired about the situation, "How's the problem with the speeding drivers? Did you put up your sign?" With a triumphant chuckle, Farmer Jack proudly declared, "Oh, I sure did, and not one chicken has been killed."
Intrigued, the officer decided to investigate. He drove out to Farmer Jack's abode, eager to witness the magic behind the sign. As he approached, his jaw dropped in amazement at the sight:
NUDIST COLONY – SLOW DOWN AND WATCH FOR CHICKS!'
Editor's Note: Farmer Jack has brilliantly transformed a road safety concern into a humorous spectacle, successfully slowing down drivers and ensuring the safety of his precious chickens.
– Thanks to Stan Brickell for this story
God's Creative Design for Seniors
On the 8th day, when God was having a bit of fun, He created Seniors. Yes, those wise folks who pre-date the pill, population explosions, and everything else that came after.
Before God hit pause on the heavenly remote, seniors were already here, casually strolling through a world without TV, penicillin, and Frisbees. They were the "Original Gangsters" of a time when chip meant wood, hardware meant hardwear, and software was just a non-existent mystery.
Seniors lived in an era when timesharing meant togetherness, not sharing memes on social media. They got married first and then lived together – talk about quaint! In this golden era, men didn't sport long hair and earrings, and women didn't don tuxedos. Girls believed cleavage was something butchers did, not a fashion statement. Batman, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and Snoopy were yet to make their grand entrance, and the idea of explaining CIA, MS, NATO, UFO, JFK, ERA, or IUD felt like deciphering alphabet soup.
But God wasn't done with His cosmic comedy routine. He blessed seniors with the gift of forgetfulness, turning glasses and keys into a real-life game of hide-and-seek. The divine decision to induce coordination challenges was all part of God's quirky exercise plan, encouraging seniors to bend, reach, and stretch – the original yoga for the elderly.
And let's not forget God's creative design for bladders. Seniors were graced with additional calls of nature, leading to more bathroom trips and unintentional cardio workouts. God, in His infinite wisdom, was basically saying, "Seniors, you need more steps, and I'm here to help."
So, if you ever find yourself muttering under your breath about misplaced keys or wondering why you're suddenly doing impromptu yoga, just remember – it's all part of God's plan for a good laugh.
Today's seniors, the hardy bunch that survived the world's makeover, have truly mastered the art of gracefully aging, one chuckle at a time.
– Based on an American Lawn Bowls Association's 1987 Bowls Magazine
"Schooners and Harmony of the Quartet"
Step right up, folks, and behold the spectacular tale of the Pennant quartet – the dazzling Dream Team that's been setting the sports world ablaze since October 2022! This isn't your run-of-the-mill tale of talent and skill; oh no, this is a saga of camaraderie, coordination, and the delicate art of balancing a ball game with a beer belly.
4th member Missing in Action
Murray, Glenn, John and Wayne, known as "The Fab Four" not only conquer their opponents but also have the elusive art of team synergy. It's not just about scoring points for these maestros; it's about scoring points on the camaraderie scale. In 54 games, they've emerged victorious 35 times.
But wait, there's more to this dreamy quartet than just scoreboard dominance. Off the field, they've created a bond so tight, it could rival the molecular structure of super glue. Known for their post-game love affair with drinks and banter, these lads have elevated the art of celebrating victories to a whole new level. Forget about trophies; they measure success in schooners. Six after each game, to be precise. That's right, 1296 schooners collectively – and that's not even counting the heroic efforts of one team member during the actual games. It's a spectacle of athleticism and beer-drinking prowess that has never been seen before.
As they continue raising their glasses – and the bar for post-game celebrations – we can all take a sip of wisdom from their play book. Here's to the "Dream Team", where winning isn't just a statistic; it's a state of mind, accompanied by the clinking of glasses and the occasional hiccup of victory. Cheers to the champions, both on and off the field!
Want to give 103%?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If:
is represented as:
The Breakdown:
Let's break down the components:
Hard Work: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
Knowledge: K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
Attitude: A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
The Surprising Revelation: But then, there's more:
Bullshit: B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
Ass-Kissing: A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
Conclusion:
With mathematical certainty, this breakdown reveals a startling truth: while hard work and knowledge propel you forward, it's attitude that paves the way to success. However, it's the combination of bullshit and asskissing that propels one beyond conventional limits, shedding light on the dynamics of achievement in various spheres of life.
Armed with this mathematical perspective, one gains insight into the dynamics of success, offering a new lens through which to understand the journeys of individuals in various pursuits.
– Thanks to new member – Brian Cuthbert
What to Remember as We Grow Older
√ Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
√ Life is sexually transmitted.
√ Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
√ Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
√ Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
√ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
√ All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
√ In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
√ Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
– Thanks to Alex Third for this useful list
The lost bowls bag
Early in the season after a home game, I was in a hurry to get home as we were having grandsons over for a pizza night. My job was to light up the wood fired pizza oven and do the cooking. After drinks with the
opposition, I rushed out and grabbed my bag, put my hat on and shot off home.
As I walked into the house I glanced at my bag and to my horror I noticed the name “Porteous” written clearly on the bag. I exclaimed “Oh Fun” (or something like that!). I immediately jumped in the car and headed off on the 15 minute drive back to the club. I rang the club on the way to see if they could find Ross to explain, but they could not find him.
As I arrived back in the car park, Nerrida was standing patiently at the gate. She was waiting for her "silly" husband who had mislaid his bag and was searching for it. He was very relieved when I found him and explained. His car keys were in the bag. To think, If I had known that, I could have driven his car home too!
– Kevin McKerseyHow to Impress Your Mates
Did you hear about a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, who showed up at our Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman.
She knocked everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and whilst hanging over his arm she listened intently to his every word.
His buddies were all aghast. At their very first chance, they cornered him and ask, “How did you get the trophy girlfriend?” He replied, “Girl friend? She's my wife!” They were knocked over, but continued to ask: “So, how did you persuade her to marry you?”
“I lied about my age,” he replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?” He smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
– Mike HodgeOur Bowling Team ("Oor Rink")
“Oh, if only we had the ability to see ourselves as others see us, how it would be!” – Robert Burns
When Robert Burns wrote those lines, I think, He was observing the men on our bowling rink.
First, Second, Third, and the Lead, Thinking they're clever, maintaining their grip. Running, twisting, turning around, Trying to guide the bowl, keeping it sound. But truth be told, they're quite clueless, it's true, Let me describe each one for you.
The Lead starts the game, rolling the jack, But most times, it comes right back.
Either too soft or too hard, you see, Never quite where it should be.
But no matter where it ends, it’s always the same, He never gets it right, it's quite a shame. He's only allowed one jack to throw, But maybe two would make the game flow.
Next is the Second, often called soft, But he's the master, despite that scoff. Covering up for the Lead's mistakes, Building strategies, whatever it takes.
Enduring the Skip's grumbling, ignoring the Third, Pressing on without speaking a word. I could praise him all night, it's true, I come from a long line of Seconds, too.
Then comes the Third, ready to stand, Always ready with excuses at hand. Either too short or too heavy, it seems,
But he'll never admit it, that's one of his schemes.
He's one of those trials sent from above, Playing the wrong hand, lacking the right love. But after the game, when he shares his take, You’d think he had carried the rink, for goodness’s sake.
Now for the Skip, leading the way, looking like royalty, I must say. Holding out his left hand, holding out his right, often a comical sight.
He complains about his Second, he groans at his Lead, Says his Third never delivers what's needed.
But when he plays for the win, it's a different tack, He puts in a blocker or one at the back.
And no matter the outcome, win or lose, He'll say, "We were beaten" or "We managed to cruise."
Now listen, my friend, though it may seem quite odd, How the Second found himself with such a squad.
But he hasn't lost his mind, not in the least,
The Lead's got a car, ready for travels wide and east,
And the Third knows a pub, just a stroll from here, For tales and songs, with laughter sincere.
The Skip reigns supreme in our country’s domain, What more could our bowling team possibly gain?
– Adapted by Bob Stevens from the original Scottish Poem
Getting to Know Michael Hughes
Did you know that Michael (Pictured with his lovely wife Klair) has run the gruelling Comrades Marathon nine times? This annual race spans 90 kilometres between Durban and Pietermaritzburg in South Africa.
Originating in 1921 to honour fallen soldiers, the race has evolved into a global phenomenon, now attracting over 20000 participants annually.
With alternating "up" and "down" runs, the course presents formidable challenges including steep climbs and treacherous descents, testing the limits of runners' physical and mental endurance. Amidst the struggle, runners find strength in the camaraderie of fellow participants and the unwavering support of spectators lining the route. For runners, completing this marathon is a crowning achievement, a testament to months of preparation and dedication. You have to finish within 11 hours with the winner now coming at about five and a half hours. Michael’s best time has been six hours and 48 minutes and for this achievement he was awarded a silver medal. If one does 10 races then you get a permanent green number. Michael had seven silver and 2 bronze medals. To get a silver medal one must complete the race in under seven hours and thirty minutes.
– Neville OdellMatt Owen, Dave Bartle and Craig Nezbit
InOctober 2022, a fearsome trio of indoor cricket legends – Dave, Nez, and Matt discovered a harsh truth that cricket was turning into a minefield of injuries and prolonged recovery times. Faced with this challenge, the trio decided it was time to embrace a sport with a lower impact – lawn bowls.
The genius behind this transition was none other than Nez, who, in a moment of brilliance, suggested they exchange cricket balls for rolling spheres on a grassy terrain. Enter Jo Wells, who, with a twinkle in her eye,
gladly became their guide. Some say their initial foray into bowls was like watching penguins trying to waltz! Undeterred by the giggles and raised eyebrows from seasoned bowlers, they committed to finding consistency through Community bowls and 2-4-2 on Wednesdays.
They tell us that scores were secondary, their primary mission was to unravel the mysteries of this simple yet deviously intricate game. Their determination to become good bowlers reminds us of immortal words of the movie Cracker jack:
"It's not just a sport; it's a way of life!"
Our Governing Council
Forthose members who don't know "who is who" on our Governing Council we have a group of very busy volunteers.
In the front row we have Peter Flack: Vice President Sport and Participation. Bruce Eagles: President, Glenn McCarthy: Vice President Operations.
In the back row we have Richard Bone: Appointed Director: Trevor Orton: Office Manager and Kerry Hutchinson: Appointed Director.
We need to thank this team for making sure we got our synthetic green before the Mitchell Freeway was completed.
– Neville Odell
