Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 99 September 2024

Sorrento Bowling Club’s News Magazine

No 99– Our 4th Edition for 2024

“PARTICIPATION

– ENJOYMENT – SUCCESS”

AUSTRALIAN JACKAROO PLAYERS AT THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS HELD AT SORRENTO

Back row: l-r: Cody Packer, Matthew Lucas, Aron Sheriff, Corey Wedlock, Carl Healy, Aaron Teys, Ben Twist, Aaron Wilson and Barrie Lester

Front Row: l-r: Chloe Stewart, Kylie Whitehead, Ellen Ryan, Natasha Van Eldik, Kelsey Cottrell, Jamie-Lee Worsnop, Dawn Hayman, Bolivia Millerick, Lyndsey Clarke and Kristina Krstic

From Your Editor

Welcome

Here we are at Edition No 99. Only one more to reach 100! Denise and I hope that all our readers are still enjoying our news magazine. We are planning to make our 100th Edition our Christmas Edition where we will thank Ray Green and Barry Bradshaw for sponsoring our new Club shirts. A review of the highlights from the 100 editions will also be included in this special Edition #100!

We had lots of hassle, with the last edition, as we got the following wrong:

• Shona Carter was shown as Shonah Carter

• Shonah Buckley was shown as Shona Buckley

• Steve Buckley was shown as Steve Buckly

• Paul Ramsey was shown as Paul Ramsay

• Mark Douglass was shown as Mark Douglas

• Ian Munro was shown as Ian Monroe (No relation to Marilyn Munroe

• Denis' was shown as Denis's (Later Google told us both are OK)

Fortunately, thanks to our proof-readers, these were corrected before it was sent to the printers and put onto our website!

Some more "Did you Hear" and "Did you Know"

Did you know that Dan Greig recently showcased his exceptional orienteering skills by securing second place in the over 70's category at the Australian Middle Distance Orienteering Championship! This prestigious event, which tests both navigation and endurance, brings together top competitors from across the nation. Participants navigate through diverse terrain using a map and compass, aiming to complete the course in the shortest possible time. Congratulations to Dan on this outstanding achievement.

Did you hear about Paul Knight's impressive performance at the prestigious Mount Lawley Masters Singles? This tournament, which features some of the top talent in lawn bowls, saw him navigate through a series of challenging matches to secure his spot in the finals for the second year running. Despite falling short of the title, Paul's skill and determination were marked by several hard-fought victories, showcasing his prowess in the sport. This not only earned him the runner-up position but also solidified his reputation as a formidable player. Well done "Knighty"! We are very proud of your effort.

Congratulations to Wendy Flack, who after recently becoming a grandmother, has now been appointed as Deputy President of Bowls WA. This is a welldeserved honour and there's no doubt she will provide outstanding leadership for our sport. We've seen her exceptional leadership at Sorrento over the years, and now her talents will have an even broader impact. Bowls WA is fortunate to have someone of her calibre on their Board. Clive Adams has informed us that he will provide a full write-up on the new Bowls WA Board in the next Jack Hi.

Did you hear about the centenarian, Harry Berckes, a 100-year-old lawn bowler from Cedar Rapids, Iowa who embarked on a unique journey to celebrate his milestone birthday? He played at 20 clubs and delivered five bowls at each. This impressive feat not only showcased his enduring passion for bowls but also demonstrated his remarkable vitality and enthusiasm for bowling despite his age. His dedication over many decades has made him a beloved figure in all the bowls clubs he visited during his celebratory tour.

Did you hear that Pauline Bourne and Paul Knight have both been selected

to play for WA in the Over 60s team this October in Tweed Heads? Pauline and Paul are both fine bowlers and will represent WA and Sorrento well.

Did you know that Sorrento did very well at the Geraldton Bowls Carnival. Barney Fleiser, Geoff Thomas, Paul Knight and Peter Auguston won eight out of nine games and claimed 2nd place for a $2000 prize in a field of 36 teams. In 3rd place were Matt Sharrett, Frank Tyson (ex Sorrento), Jan Konig and Adrian Rose who won $1400. Apparently, an excellent BBQ with steak and prawns was enjoyed by all.

Did you know that Pat Dichiera has fallen head over heels for "Bridgerton," that irresistible TV series? Pat now spends his days lost in the drama of Regency-era London. Instead of discussing his recent touchers and wins, Pat's conversations drift to the scandals of the Featheringtons, the simmering chemistry between Daphne Bridgerton and Simon Basset, the Duke of Hastings, and the secret life of Penelope Featherington as Lady Whistledown. Pat tells us that "Bridgerton" is based on Julia Quinn’s eightbook series of romance novels, and that he has read them all!

Did to hear the recent changes to WA’s gun laws forced Brian Lucas to surrender his family’s Tranter Patent, 5 Shot Revolver. This was manufactured circa 1853 is the same model gun that was used by the infamous bush ranger Ben Hall and the Gardiner-Hall Gang who committed violent robberies throughout New South Wales. The revolver is only part of this ancestry. An old bible is another heirloom that records the various generations of the Lucas family dating back to when Nathaneil Lucas arrived at Botany Bay aboard the Scarborough as a First Fleet convict in 1788.

Odds and Ends

Evan Cosh trying to impress the Selectors with three of his bowls close to the Jack!

Des Russell, our new Sponsorship Manager, hard at work. Des is being supported by Wendy Flack who looks after the administration of our Sponsors

Some of our members having a roll up

This caricature, of one of our members, was drawn during his recent holiday. Do you know who this is? If so, please send an email to: nevodell@bigpond.net.au

You will then be in the draw to win a bottle of red or white wine

Did you hear that one of the Sorrento teams in the first Dash for Cash managed to give two "Eights" away in one of their games? In order not to embarrass them by disclosing their names we have used their initials. (DG, KO, ED and BE so you can work it out yourself!)

Did you hear that one of our Skips was proudly declaring his spectacular victory, having trounced his opponents with a score of 52 to 12. He even suggested we feature this "useful" bit of information in the next news magazine. However, in a delightful twist of fate, karma quickly came knocking. The very next week, our boastful skipper found himself on the receiving end of a humbling defeat, losing 32 to 4. As the saying goes, what goes around comes around—sometimes faster than a perfectly aimed bowl!

Did you hear that Mark Douglass says he plans to use an "Ear" emblem on his new bowls as this may help his bowls to listen to his instructions?

Did you know that a size 4 bowl only needs to make two and a half revolutions to travel one metre? So, when the Skip tells you to add a metre all you need is to do is to roll your bowl for an extra two and a half revolutions! Some members have told me this is wrong and that their bowls make eight revolutions when they travel a metre. Remember that your size 4 bowl makes 67 revolutions when it travels 27 metres!

Letters to the Editor

#1: Dear Editor

Please tell me why in a triples game, the first bowler is called the Lead, the second bowler is called the Third, and the third bowler is called the Skip. As a novice bowler it is all very confusing – A Novice Bowler

Dear Novice Bowler

The reason for the curious naming convention in triples lawn bowls, might indeed seem perplexing at first. However, fear not, for there's a whimsical logic behind these titles that adds to the charm of lawn bowls. While it may seem bewildering initially, this naming convention

is a testament to the rich tapestry of lawn bowls culture. It's a nod to tradition, a wink to history, and a gentle reminder that in the world of lawn bowls, there's always room for a bit of whimsy. So, dear novice bowler, as you embark on your journey through the verdant greens and rolling bowls, embrace the quirks and relish and the challenges.

#2 Dear Editor

In your last newsletter (#98), on page 32 you listed what was permissible and what was unacceptable in Mixed Gender bowls. Unfortunately, you failed to mention that patting, rubbing, or fondling your teammates' heads might seem like a fun way to celebrate. However, remember that not everyone wants their head treated like a magic lamp. Instead, stick to high-fives or verbal praise to avoid turning your celebration into an awkward game of "Whose personal space did I just invade?" This way, everyone can enjoy the win without worrying about surprise head massages!

– An ex Head–rubber

Hi Ex Head-rubber,

Thank you for your well thought out addition to "What to do when you win". We should have included this in our article as recently your Editor tried to rub a lady's head just after she had paid $70 for a new hair style.

☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

Feedback

√ "Thank you both, your team of contributors and your proof readers for providing me with a pleasant hour or so of reading the most excellent newsletter #98" – Philip

√ "Another outstanding production. Thanks, and well done" – Bruce

√ "Another good news magazine" – Peter

√ "Enjoyed the latest news magazine but thought it was a bit close to the bone in places" – Anon.

Editor's Note:

While keeping the magazine fun, we are be careful not to upset members, while at the same time providing anecdotes that highlight notable events

by our members. We try not to offend our readers and avoid the "A-Word", "B-Word", "C-Word", "F-Word", "S-Word" and the "W-Word" even though these abbreviations are now being used more frequently in newspapers, the TV and in movies.

You didn't ask but.......

According to the Sunday Times, Oxford University scientists were thrilled as they unveiled a ground breaking discovery – a second use for Viagra famously known for helping men rise to the occasion. Researchers have now found it can also help those with dementia by increasing blood flow to the brain. (If you think we are making this up please read the original article in the 9 June 2024 edition of the West Australian.) This unexpected benefit has been the talk of lawn bowls clubs nationwide, where members are eagerly anticipating sharper memories for bowlers hoping to improve their aim, improve focus during games, to prevent a wrong bias and finally remembering where they left their bowls bags.

Scientists have also noticed that a small dose of Viagra, dissolved in water, may perk up drooping house-plants. One bowler commented, “I thought my ficus was a goner, but now it stands tall and proud on my windowsill.” One scientist remarked, “We were initially focused on roots, but it turns out, it works wonders on noggins too!"

And Some Last Few Things...

√ Barney Fleiser told us that when his wife, Gillian's credit card was hacked he decided not to get his bank to cancel her card as the hacker was spending less than his wife!

√ Your Editor recently asked one of our Premier players for some input to this magazine. I told him I needed to know who was sleeping with whom! His immediate response was that this would require a full page!

√ One day when your Editor was having a roll up and Brownie was sitting on a bench watching I asked him if he would come and show me how to bowl. His typical Brownie response was "Sorry No. It would take too long"

Comments and contributions

Please contact us on 9309 3108 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au

We would love to receive your comments and contributions to future editions.

– Neville and Denise Odell

Men’s 100 Up

Aftersectional play, with eight sections, in the quarter-finals, Ron Rogers defeated Neville Odell, Dan Greig saw off Barney Fleiser, Paul Knight cruised in over Bob Jeffs, and Murray Hulbert overcame Steve Buckley. Ron was a very comfortable winner over Dan in the first semi, whereas the all-Premier contest between Paul and Murray took the full 20 ends. Ultimately, Murray triumphed over Paul after the latter just failed to take the jack back to the ditch for a potential tie. In the final between Ron and Murray, Murray maintained a very high standard throughout, running out a well-deserved winner

– Match Committee

Women's Dash for Cash

Inearly May we held our 4th Annual Women’s Dash for Cash proudly sponsored by Safeway Security Screens. We had three greens full with 36 teams from Yanchep to Safety Bay. The format of the day was four games of eight ends. All teams changed greens after lunch. Special thanks to:

• Our men who did a great job serving up delicious soups and crusty bread as well as cleaning up and setting up the tables for the teams.

• Michael Hughes who was our Umpire of the Day

• Dan Greig who recorded and calculated all the results and for all his

hard work. His expertise, calm and diligent nature certainly made life a lot less stressful for the Match Committee.

• Barry Bradshaw our Sponsor for our successful day

A perfect example of teamwork resulted in a successful outcome.

– Match Committee

Parent/Child Pairs Event

Originally conceived as a way of introducing kids to lawn bowls, this event has evolved to include all ages up to and including any greatgrandparents and their off-spring.

A good cross section of generations enjoyed the family day and it was great to see the "inherited" talent of our younger players on display. Tim Tassone and Jaxon Alcock impressed and were our Junior Achievers. In second place were Kimalee and Brian Saul and in first place Jay and Spider Webb. Congratulations to all players on making it a fun event.

From left to right: 1. Glenn Woodward, 2. Owen Sodano, 3. Jim Woodward, 4. Jay Neindorf, 5. Jodi Neindorf, 6. Tim Tassone, 7. Jan Cook, 8. Eddy Tassone, 9. Aiden Deering, 10. Jay Webb, 11. Jaxon Alcock, 12. Spider Webb, 13. Brian Alcock, 14. Brian Saul and 15. Kimalee Saul

– Match Committee

Tackling Discontent in Our Club

Welcome

bowlers, croquet, dart, mah-jong players and social members to another edition of our Club's news magazine. As we gather to enjoy our beloved sports and social interactions, it’s important to address a topic that’s been on many members’ minds lately—the challenge of dealing with the WHINGERS among us. Yes, you know who they are—the MOANERS, the COMPLAINERS, the GRUMBLERS, and all their synonyms. These individuals can sometimes make our time at our Club a bit less enjoyable. But fear not, for we are here to tackle this issue head-on.

Firstly, let’s talk about the TROUBLEMAKERS. Those who take great delight in causing trouble and dissension in our Club, just for the sport of it or because they have got nothing else to do! “Did you hear that one of our Life members is involved in a relationship with a married…………”.

Next up, the FAULT-FINDERS. While constructive criticism can be helpful, incessant nitpicking can dampen the spirits of even the most enthusiastic volunteer. These folks could find a flaw in a diamond. Let’s encourage a positive and supportive atmosphere where feedback can be given constructively and received graciously. Remember, if you’re not part of the solution THEN you are part of the problem.

Then there are the GROUSERS and GROANERS. We’ve all encountered them—the ones who always find something to complain about, whether it’s the wind, the green being too fast or too slow, or their opponents’ bowls. They complain if the sky is too blue. Classic lines include, “Why am I in the 4th division when I should be in the second division?”. The more pertinent question is why they’re in fourth division and not fifth.

Let’s not forget the BLAMERS. “My Skipper was useless and my Lead was also useless!” What about “Why don’t THEY do something to fix the problem?” "Why do THEY always do it that way, why not try something different?” “Why do they always play me with my wife?” Ah, and let’s not forget the CURMUDGEONS. The ones with a permanent scowl and a disdain for anything new or different. They can scowl at a rainbow. While their grumpiness may seem impenetrable, they probably still want to feel the warmth of our community.

And of course, there are the classic complaints: “The committee doesn’t know what they are doing”, “The beer is not cold enough”, “The drinks are too expensive” and “The greens are too slow”. Apparently, running a club is akin to solving world hunger – everyone has an opinion on how it should be done, but no one wants to take on the task.

OK I hear you say, “aren’t you just whinging about the whingers whinging?” Fair enough, let’s look at the issue and the solutions. What’s the main reason we come to enjoy our Club? Yes, it’s the bowls, darts, and other sports but it’s mainly the people who frequent the Club – friends, colleagues and casual acquaintances.

To meet, greet and socialise. It’s what our human systems crave, and socialising is what does us the most good. So, let’s enjoy one another’s company. And as members we can all strive to create an environment where everyone feels welcome, respected, and valued. Together, we can ensure that our Club remains a place of enjoyment and sportsmanship for years to come.

– Neville Odell

Evolution of Our Newsletters: 1976 - 2024

Looking back, it is interesting to see how our newsletters have evolved over time. Our Club was incorporated in 1976 and thanks to Ian Wittber, we still have Sorrento's first A5 newsletter, written in 1978, by Peter Wooldridge, the Club President. As our Club was a Sporting Club, it included articles on the then separate "Men's Bowls Club," "Ladies' Bowls Club," "Tennis Club" and the "Darts Club". John Murphy tells us that there was a separate President for each Club! Were we better off with five Presidents instead of one?

For those members who complain about the current price of a beer, our first newsletter recorded that in 1978 a middy of beer cost 44 cents and a steak and salad was only $2.40!

For many years, Ian Wittber produced the newsletters. In 1992, Graeme Whitehorn offered to take over this from Ian and for 14 years produced a comprehensive and interesting newsletter. It was interesting to see that over the years there were significant contributions from our dear friend, Joe Stow, who wrote "Fat Cat's Corner".

In 2007, when Denise and I took over from Graeme, we decided to switch to a 36-page A5 booklet. Mal Washer, the then Liberal Party Representative for Moore, kindly allowed us to use his office printer at no charge. However, printing in black and white, back-to-back and collating the pages in a small, hot room was challenging due to frequent interruptions when his staff needed access to their photocopier. We then moved to colour printing on this photocopier to achieve better quality images of our sponsors' advertising and members' activities.

In 2013, the Governing Council agreed that our now 64-page edition No 52 – "The Commemorative Award Winning Edition" would be professionally printed on a once off basis. In 2014, as issues with photocopying persisted, we proposed, that 10% of our Sponsorship budget be used for professional printing and this was agreed to by the Governing

Council. Since then, the Club has provided printed newsletters for about half of our readers who prefer and enjoy reading a hard copy.

In 2018, our Club's "The Weekly Newsletter" was introduced and to avoid confusion Denis Croker suggested that the quarterly newsletter be renamed "The News Magazine" and this was agreed by all. Well, here we are in 2024 at No 99 with only one to go to reach 100!

– Neville and Denise Odell

Men's Dash For Cash #1

Our first Safeway Security Screens Dash for Cash, attracted 26 teams, all "Dashing for cash". The winners were Knight, Toster, Cox and Webb with +36. Second were Scott, Vandertogt, Adu and Salleo with +34 and Eagles, Hulbert, Baker and Bradshaw in third place with +20.

– Match Committee

Philosophers of the Century

David Bryant: "In bowls, there are three types of players: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened."

Prince Philip: “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

Spike Milligan: “The best cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”

Tony Allcock: "Success in bowls, as in life, comes from hard work, dedication, and a little bit of luck."

Arnold Schwarzenegger: “Having more money doesn’t make you

happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.”

Steve Glasson: "The beauty of lawn bowls is that it's a game for all ages and abilities. Anyone can play, and anyone can win."

Johnny Carson: “If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.”

Jonathan Winters: “If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.”

Karen Murphy: "Bowls is not just a game; it's a test of your character and your ability to stay focused under pressure."

Robert Benchley: “I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

Brett Wilkie: "Lawn bowls is about more than just skill; it’s about reading the green, understanding your opponent, and staying calm under pressure."

John Glenn: “As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.”

David Letterman: “America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.”

Old Italian proverb: “After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.”

– Thanks to Barry Stewart for this contribution

Why Golfers Become "Good Bowlers"?

Why do golfers take to lawn bowls like ducks to water? First off, both golf and lawn bowls require some serious hand-eye coordination. Golfers are masters of control and precision. If you can nail that perfect putt under pressure, delivering a bowl just right is basically the same thing, only with less risk of your ball ending up in the pond (unless someone really messed up designing the lawn bowls green).

Golfers are already pros at judging distances and slopes and are experts at reading the terrain. They’ve spent countless hours calculating how a tiny bump in the green will affect their putt. Transferring these skills to lawn bowls is a piece of cake, or should we say, a roll in the park. If you can figure out how a golf ball will roll on an undulating course, a lawn bowls green should feel like reading the morning paper. Bonus points if you can do it without complaining about the greenkeeper.

Strategic thinking? Golfers have that in spades. Planning your shots three steps ahead in golf translates perfectly to lawn bowls, where the goal is to position your bowls just right and mess with your opponent’s strategy. It's like chess, but with fewer pieces and more walking.

Focus and concentration are also a golfer's best friends. Keeping your cool through 18 holes of golf means you’re already primed to handle the Zen like calm needed for bowls. Just think of it as meditation with a bit more flair. The physical motions in both sports are surprisingly similar. Sure, the swing might differ, but the smooth, controlled movement in lawn bowls will feel like a gentle practice swing before you drive the ball down the fairway.

Golfers already live and breathe sportsmanship and etiquette. This means they slide right into the bowls community without missing a beat. The friendly banter, the polite clapping, the gentle ribbing when someone’s bowl veers off like a golf ball hit by a rogue gust of wind—all familiar territory.

Lastly, golfers love their outdoor precision sports. Lawn bowls fits this niche perfectly. It’s like golf’s charming little sibling, offering all the strategy, skill, and fresh air with a slightly lower risk of sunburn.

In short, golfers take to lawn bowls like ducks to water – or like golf balls to a water hazard. It’s a match made in sporting heaven, with just the right mix of skill, strategy, and stylish head wear. So, if you see a golfer eyeing up a set of lawn bowls, don’t be surprised – they’re just expanding their repertoire of ways to frustrate themselves in beautiful surroundings.

– Thanks to Freepik for the cartoon image used in this article.

– Neville Odell

Why a Skipper Needs an Apple iPhone

(Update of an article in our March 2020 edition)

Vision:

Objective:

This proposal aims to enhance the efficiency, accuracy, and overall experience of our Skippers and their teams by integrating modern technology. Specifically, we propose equipping them with Apple iPhones and HYS police-quality mics and ear buds, particularly benefiting our partially deaf members.

Imagine a serene afternoon at the Sorrento Bowling Club in the near future. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and our Skippers are seamlessly communicating with their teams. Gone are the days of frantic arm waving; instead, Skippers will request “more weight and less grass” with ease. By equipping our Skippers with Apple iPhones and HYS police-quality mics and ear buds, we will revolutionize communication and strategy on the green. Here’s how this technology will transform the game:

Enhanced Communication:

Our Skippers will no longer need to rely on semaphore signals or exaggerated miming. Quick texts or video calls via their iPhones and ear buds will ensure the entire team is on the same page instantly. Learning to text with two thumbs will avoid delays, making phrases like, “Speak up, mumbles, Reg has a piece of cake in one ear and a hunk of jelly in the other,” a thing of the past.

Real-Time Strategy and Analysis:

The Skipper can use the iPhone to display real-time replays and strategy diagrams. Imagine the Skipper pausing to show a slow-motion replay of the last bowl: “See here, Zebra Echo, this is where you went wrong. Next time, put the stubby down before you bowl and don't aim for the car park.”

Asking Siri:

Siri will assist in relaying instructions without the need to leave the head. Siri will be like having a personal assistant who never complains, never asks for a raise, and never rolls their virtual eyes at strategic moves.

Umpiring:

During tense moments when decisions are questioned, the Skipper can consult the digital measuring app on the iPhone. This can serve as a diplomatic tool to smooth over those tense moments: “According to the app, my dear chap, our bowl is precisely 2.47 mm closer than yours.

Entertainment and Help during Downtime:

While waiting for his Lead to get him a beer or for the opposition to make their move, the Skipper will have endless entertainment options. They can "phone a friend" for advice, stream the latest episode of “The Crown,” catch up on TikTok trends, or play Candy Crush to keep morale high and avoid boredom. Skippers can also text their drink orders to the bar staff and enjoy music, watch live horse races, or take selfies for inclusion in our next newsletter. They can also call home before the game ends to find out what's for dinner.

Weather Monitoring:

The unpredictable weather will no longer be a concern. With the iPhone, the Skipper can monitor the forecast, ensuring the team is never caught off-guard by the sea breeze, a sudden downpour, or a passing cloud: “Zebra Echo, incoming cloud arriving in three, two, one – bowl, over.”

Advanced Tracking and Timing:

The Skipper can use the iPhone’s GPS to track wayward bowls, ensuring

no bowl goes astray unnoticed. Additionally, the Skipper can check the green speed by timing how long a bowl takes to travel 27 meters, allowing for precise adjustments and improved strategy: “Alright, team, that bowl took 8.2 seconds – let’s adjust our weight accordingly.” The built-in GPS will also help a Skipper with dubious eyesight track wayward bowls and warn the team on the adjoining rink of a misdirected bowl.

Contact their Support Team for Help

Coaches and trainers would be available to provide tailored programs for skill improvement and physical fitness, while physiotherapists and nutritionists would ensure optimal health and injury prevention. Sports psychologists would offer stress management. Team managers and support staff would handle logistics, allowing Skippers to concentrate on their game, while massage therapists would aid in their quick recovery and relaxation.

Conclusion:

Integrating the Apple iPhone and HYS police-quality mics and ear buds into our Skippers’ tool kit will simplify communication and strategy while adding modern flair and prestige to the game. This technology will reduce the need for shouting and arm waving, delighting everyone involved, including our neighbouring Croquet players. Let’s embrace this technological advancement to enhance our game and set a new standard at the Sorrento Bowling Club. Investing in mobile phones for our Skippers will ensure they are well-equipped for the future of lawn bowls. Those responsible for taking out the mats and jacks can simply hand each Skipper a phone and wish them good luck. They’ll need it.

Denis Croker has queried whether our Club will supply the rest of the team with iPhones and HYS police-quality mics and ear buds as well. The answer to this is "No". Leads, Seconds and Thirds will be expected to use their own equipment for receiving texts and verbal instructions from the Skipper!

– Neville Odell

"The Humour of Bowls" (1953)

Whenwe were searching for something different to put into our news magazine we discovered J.P. Munro's book "The Humour of Bowls" which he wrote 71 years ago. It contains 234 so called "humorosities", 26 humorous stories and 43 humorous poems. In the foreword he states that his book will furnish those bowlers and others who are called upon to say a few words at bowling functions, green openings, and such like, with material to brighten their speeches. Here are some extracts published in 1953 in the Queensland Morning Bulletin.

The bowls we are interested in are also called 'woods,' mainly because 99 percent of them are made from something else. According to my Skipper, 99 percent of bowlers are wooden too. Interestingly, the manufacturers of these bowls never manage to make them perfectly round, which is why they don't produce goldfish bowls – the fish might develop a bias. That’s what the bowls have, and the dictionary defines it as a leaning. It’s the reason why the bowls travel right across the rink and end up two yards past the jack. All the bowlers must draw well, and most of them do, especially with their imaginations after the game. They make good drawers and often make bloomers too, which makes the Skipper shirty over the bloomers of his drawers. The drawers wear white slacks and never wear shorts, as anything short enrages the Skippers.

The rules also require a white hat, but the bowler never wears a white bowler. This seems a pity, as it would meet the requirements and allow him to bet on the races during the game. Coming to the little white ball of unknown sex, it is sometimes called Jack, sometimes Jill, but for some reason, Jill goes by the alias of Kitty. Perhaps this is because the bowlers are fond of the green. These greens are full of vitamins. Bowlers who don’t partake become narrow; the hearty eaters who do become wide. This accounts for the figures of successful Skippers, who usually have plenty of points in their favour and plenty of pints in their figure.

The Leader is a dour, unsociable type whose outlook on the game has been soured because he cannot blame short bowls if he doesn't get on the jack. The Second often needs to tail the jack, so this position is best suited for detectives and income tax collectors, although sometimes these individuals will make the jack disappear entirely. To play Third, one must have a driving license and be adept at angle and parallel wicking, hand signals, passing shot bowls on the right side, and offering excuses for being either too narrow or too wide.

No one has yet seen a Skipper skip. His figure is against it. He should be given more rope. He must be able to draw, trail, and drive, sometimes doing all three with one bowl. He must smile modestly after scoring the shot with three wicks and control the gnashing of his dentures when his opponent does the same. He is protected from assault by spending the afternoon at the opposite end of the green and only needs to look after himself when crossing over. His chief remark is, "How many would we be with that one out?" He then drives, takes out his own, and leaves the opponents with six.

Every middle-aged man with a 40-inch waist should join a bowling club. The game itself is harmless, and the afternoon tea is usually good. Plus, it provides an ironclad excuse for coming home late when there are visitors.

– J.P. Munro

Wherefore Art Ye Fortunate?

Your illustrious Editor, the "The Right Honourable

Sir Neville, Lord of the Manor, Keeper of the peace, and Stalwart Editor", did beseech me, to list the reasons why the members of the Sorrento Bowling Club should be most grateful to dwell within the fair lands of Australia, more precisely Western Australia and Perth, and to also belong to the prestigious Sorrento Bowling Club. Thus, I did respond:

O blessed land of Australia, thou art revered among the realms of earth! Ranked the thirteenth by CEOWORLD magazine’s list of finest countries in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty-four, thy high standard of living, excellent healthcare,

and noble education system doth honour thee. Thy diverse and inclusive society, and thy landscapes of such natural beauty that angels might envy, do further exalt thy name. Thy kindness to the elderly and those beset with infirmities doth manifest thy great compassion.

Fair Western Australia, thou art the jewel of this great southern land! Thy natural wonders, such as the Ningaloo Reef and the Kimberley, and thy unspoiled beaches, are a feast for the eyes. Thou art rich in resources, and thy contribution to the prosperity of Australia through mining and industry is mighty. Thy inhabitants are known for their friendly and easy-going ways, and the balance of urban joys and outdoor splendours doth render thee a paradise. Blessed with a Mediterranean clime, thou art perfect for outdoor pursuits through all seasons. Thy schools and physicians doth further enhance the high quality of life within thy borders.

Perth, thy fair city with a Mediterranean climate, doth bless thee with mild winters and hot, dry summers, permitting thee to engage in outdoor sport and play, lawn bowling among them, throughout the year. Thy vibrant culture, with festivals, events, and dining aplenty, combined with thy well-laid infrastructure and public services, doth elevate thy urban existence. Thy parks and green spaces add to the allure of thy fair city.

Finely remember that your illustrious club hath won many a laurel in these past dozen years. In the annual Clubs WA Awards, ye were crowned Club of the Year (Medium) in 2013, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2021. And in the Bowls WA Awards, ye were lauded as the Metropolitan Club of the Year in 2011, 2015, 2017, and 2018. In 2019, Sorrento was honoured as the runner-up in the Australian Bowling Club of the Year. These honours testify to your Club’s excellence and your unwavering commitment to a premier lawn bowling experience.

Acknowledging your many blessings kindles gratitude within your hearts, an emotion linked to joy, health, and well-being.

Reflecting on your good fortune and recognizing your tireless volunteers strengthens your community. Their contributions, met with simple thanks, make them feel appreciated and esteemed.

In conclusion, ye are truly fortunate to be part of this splendid club. Treasure your blessings, show gratitude, and continue to build a supportive and thriving community. This enriches your lives and inspires others to join you in celebrating the vibrant spirit of your club. "Be not afraid of greatness."

– William Shakespeare

The Delicate Art of Greeting a Lady Bowler

Ah,the intricate dance of greeting a fellow lady lawn bowler – a timeless art that has waltzed its way from the grand halls of history to the sunny greens of today. Back in the day, you'd need a "PHD in Etiquette" just to figure out whether to call a lady "Madam," "Mistress," or "Miss." Fortunately, these days, we're a bit more laid-back, but a touch of finesse never hurts. And for those playing in the higher echelons, "Your Grace" is still ready to roll out for any duchesses gracing the game.

Enter "Ms." and "Miss", the modern marvels. These neutral terms are like the comfy sneakers of greetings: reliable, non-intrusive, and perfect for not stepping on any toes before the game even starts. "Ma'am," a favourite in certain regions, offers respect and warmth, much like a friendly nod across the green. But where’s the fun in stopping there? Let’s dive into the treasure trove of slang. Adding "Girl," "Sweetie," "Dearie," and "Darling" to the mix can bring a playful or affectionate tone – but be sure to gauge the familiarity and comfort of your audience. Please only use "Sweetheart" for someone "intimate". Maybe just keep these terms of endearment for your wife, girlfriend or lover!

Then there's "Babe," which can be endearing or a bit too cosy, depending on your rapport. "Luv" adds a touch of affection, but make sure you're not

misreading the vibe. When addressing women specifically, "Beautiful" can be charming if the context and relationship allow, though it’s best to use it sparingly to avoid any unintended awkwardness. "Lady" is the reliable old guard, safe and respectful. "Ma'am" is polite and appropriate, much like a well-executed bowl. "Madam" brings a touch of formality and courtesy.

An interesting nuance is comparing "Good shot, lady to "Good shot, woman!" The former is warm and respectful, while the latter might come off as too formal or even a bit awkward. Avoid comments such "Good Shot for a woman" and "Anything you can do I can do better".

Finally, when in doubt, simply using someone’s name is a no-risk option that shows personal recognition and respect. And remember, if all else fails, just compliment her bowling shoes. Our ladies are the real stars of the show, anyway. So, roll out your finest greetings, sprinkle them with charm, and never forget the golden rule: flattery will get you everywhere, especially in lawn bowling!

– Neville Odell

The Greatest of All Time (or the "Goat")?

Aheateddebate has erupted on Facebook about "Who is the Greatest Bowler of All Time?"

Below is a summary of submissions from around the globe. If you think your name is missing, give us a shout – we'd love to hear from you!

Notable champions and contributors

David Bryant, Willie Wood, Steve Glasson, Kelvin Kerkow, Bruce Eagles, Paul Foster, Alex Marshall, Paul Knight, Aaron Sheriff, Liz Marshall, Karen Murphy, Jo Edwards, Lee Leach and Pauline Bourne.

Contributors and legends

Bob Fishlock, John Snell, Glynn Bosisto, Rob Parella, Jack Simpson,

Che Thiele, Rex Johnstone, Ian Shumack, Darren "Fox" Freeman, Andy Turner, Brett Foley, Robert McMullen, Daniel Dimery, Leif Selby, Ross Cunningham, Tony Alcock, Murray Hulbert, Barry Salter, and Wendy Saul

Ye Olde Chestnuts

JohnRoberts, the Chairman of the State Umpiring Committee in Victoria, oversees the development and management of umpiring standards and practices. He coordinates training programs, ensuring compliance with regulations, and promoting excellence in umpiring. He has kindly agreed that we may publish his following advice "Ye Olde Chestnuts" in our news magazine. Hopefully these 15 points will eliminate the need to call an Umpire and preventing disputes and arguments between players:

1. If players play out of turn, the opposing Skip can stop the bowl and return it. If the bowl has come to rest and has not disturbed the head, the opposing Skip must decide whether to leave the head as it is and let their team play two bowls to re-establish the correct order, or return the bowl to get back to the correct order. If the head has been disturbed by the bowl, the opposing Skip can leave the disturbed head and have their team play two bowls to restore the correct order or replace the head to its former position and return the bowl to get back to the correct order, or declare the end dead. If a bowl has been played by each team (or player in Singles) before it’s realized they are out of turn, that end must continue in that order.

2. A scoreboard cannot be used instead of a scorecard. The scoreboard can be updated by any player but must be updated at least every second end. Scorers should concur at the conclusion of each end and if they can't agree, they should consult their Skips. If there is still no agreement, call the Umpire.

3. If the mat or the jack has not been correctly placed on the centre line at the beginning of an end, and the first bowl has been delivered, the mat must be moved to the centre line as soon as someone notices but the jack must remain in the incorrect position.

4. The jack is referred to as a "jack" in the law book; there are no "kittys" in bowls or the law book.

5. Players do not have to stand on the bank when umpires are measuring. Players do need to clear irrelevant bowls, stand well back and ensure they are not interfering with the measure or casting shadows.

6. The appointed umpire of the day can measure a disputed shot on their own rink.

7. Markers should avoid standing on the bank when marking.

8. A player must not deliver their bowl until their opponent’s bowl has come to rest.

9. If the laws are silent on an issue, you cannot assume that you can do it –check with the umpire.

10. A declared ‘dead end’ does not have to be replayed in the same direction, providing the Skips agree.

11. You can only receive advice from a coach when your team or side is in possession of the rink, and only from outside the boundaries of the green.

12. When measuring whether a jack is legal in length of delivery, the measurement is from the front of the jack (nearest to the mat) to the front of the mat along the centre line.

13. In Pennants, when a team has completed their trial ends, they can start their game; you are not required to wait for all teams to finish their trial ends to commence

– John Roberts

R.I.P. – Ray Linsdale: 1930 - 2024

RayLinsdale, who passed away at the age of 94, was a lovable Club member from 1993 to 2020. He was a character, always full of laughter and a joy to have in our Club. One of his stories, and it's true that he went to the Mundaring Bowls Club to play Pennants on a Saturday and he went direct in his own car by himself because he was going out that night and didn't want to be late. However, when he arrived at Mundaring he was asked why was he at Mundaring because he was supposed to be playing a home game at Sorrento. Ray did the right thing and advised our Selectors what he had done. He then decided to stay at Mundaring and have a few beers. After drinking a few beers, Ray decided it was time to go home. Another gentleman who was also having a few beers asked Ray where was he going, Ray replied, "Going Home ", the gentleman said, "No you're not", I am an " Off Duty Policeman" and you have had too many drinks. Ray stayed a few more hours and drank lots of coffee before heading home.

In November last year Peter Crow picked Ray up from his retirement home in Karrinyup and brought him to our Club. Ray had an amazing time, enjoyed a couple of red wines, and his memories of our Club began to flood back. Ray's funeral was held in May 2024.

– John Godfrey

Heart-warming Moments at a Funeral

Amanis at the funeral of an old friend. He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora." The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says, "Mind if I say a word too?" She says, "Please do." The man clears his throat and says, "Bargain." The widow replies, "Thanks, that means a great deal."

Another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says, "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a couple words. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says, "Being alive." The widow replies, "Thank you, he would have liked that."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says, "Infinity." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means more than you could possibly imagine."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says, "Fhqwhgads." The widow replies, "Thanks, you don't know what that means."

Another man comes up and says, "Mind if I say a few words too?" She says, "Please do." The man clears his throat and says, "The Mariana Trench." The widow replies, "Thanks, that’s really deep."

Another man comes up and says, "Mind if I say a few words too?" She

says, "Please do." The man clears his throat and says, "Water pit." The widow replies, "Thanks, I know you mean well."

"Grip It and Rip It"

Someuseful suggestions from Gary Bobridge:

1. Before stepping onto the mat, ensure you have a repetitive setup. Check the wind bias and your grip.

2. Have your bowling line firmly in your mind.

3. When delivering, make sure your whole body is facing your intended bowling line.

4. Ensure your lead foot follows your body towards your bowling line.

5. Keep your upper body as still as possible during delivery, except for your arm.

6. Stay on the mat and watch your bowl from start to finish to make necessary corrections.

7. Keep an eye on the wind and note any changes to adjust to new conditions.

8. Watch your fellow players to see their bowling lines and if they use the same bowl as you.

9. Keep your bowl clean and use some Grippo if needed.

10. Relax, enjoy yourself, and don't panic under pressure—it's just a game – Regards,

Men's Dash For Cash #2

Our June 2024 Dash For Cash attracted a field of twenty teams with a good representation of visiting players. Congratulations to our visiting teams who took out the major prizes. Once again, many thanks to Barry and Paul Bradshaw who have sponsored this event for many years. Barry pictured in the middle.

–The Coach

Winners were

First: C Slavich, R Moyle, B Conway, A Bloxam + 12

Second: B Leddingham, R Lorron, G Bobridge, B Shand +10

Third: P Davies, S Perica, A Anderson, M Marovic +9

– Match Committee

The "Tale" of an Ambidextrous Bowler

Asa proud ambidextrous lawn bowler, Brian English's journey has been filled with moments of sheer hilarity and, well, educational mishaps. An amusing episode occurred one afternoon at Sorrento. It was a crucial match, the kind that makes your palms sweat and your knees knock. Their revered Skipper, known for his patience and wisdom, asked Brian to switch from a forehand to a backhand. Determined to impress, he took a deep breath, switched hands with all the flair of a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat, and promptly delivered another forehand.

The look on the Skipper’s face was a masterpiece – a blend of shock, disbelief, and just a hint of “Did that really just happen?” His eyes bulged, his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Meanwhile, Brian stood there beaming, utterly convinced he had just performed a bowling miracle. The rest of the team was a study in contrasts: some were frozen in stunned silence, others were biting their lips to stifle giggles, and a couple of teammates had turned away, shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. The Skipper finally regained his composure.

With the calm of a man who had seen it all (and probably wished he

hadn't), he suggested in the politest way possible that perhaps Brian might need a bit more practice in distinguishing between a forehand and a backhand.

– Neville Odell

Getting to Know Our Members

LizMcTaggart’s parents were both Scottish; her Dad had red hair and her Mum had black. She started out with mousey brown hair which later turned blond. Despite always being small, Liz humorously claims she's still growing – laterally! Her surname translates to "son of the child of the priest," a cheeky nod to her ancestry. In her early years in Watford, alongside her brother, sister, and their West Highland 'Terrifier' Dougal, she learned Latin, French, and the art of sewing with a machine at school – skills that proved unexpectedly useful later in life.

Liz pursued teaching at a Physical Education college, participating in various sports like hockey, lacrosse, cricket, and badminton. She even encountered another notable PE graduate, Pat Boardman. Her career spanned teaching young children and teenagers, covering subjects ranging from gymnastics and athletics to biology, music, and basic Indonesian.

She also played hockey competitively for Hertfordshire and Sussex. Liz’s professional journey took her to diverse places – from teaching English near Harrods in London to working in a psychiatric clinic on Kings Road Chelsea during the Punk Rock era. There, she had memorable encounters, including with comedian Peter Cook and a spirited martial arts enthusiast. Living near Wembley Stadium meant free concerts if the wind was right, though the traffic was often a hassle. She married a Syrian Muslim, which deepened her understanding of the culture and language, though she tells us she didn’t convert to Islam.

Her travels have taken her across North America and Europe to Syria,

Lebanon, and Thailand. She has familial ties to Damascus and Istanbul, and she harbours a love for Perth, where she settled at age 44. Today, besides playing bowls, she enjoys Zumba, bridge, and learning mah-jong. Her greatest joys are her three daughters and five grandchildren, and she relishes the opportunity to meet new people and explore new things.

– Neville Odell

A Wee Tale

Morag MacDonald lived all of her life in the Scottish Highlands. Sadly, Morag passed away last week. When she was a young lass her grandfather, Angus, a tough old sheep farmer, told her that the secret to living a long and healthy life was to sprinkle a wee pinch of gunpowder on her porridge every morning. Just like sprinkling some pepper he told her. Morag followed her grandfather’s advice religiously all her life. When she passed away at the grand old age of 103, Morag left behind five children, nine grandchildren, 24 great grandchildren and a 12-metre hole where the crematorium used to be.

– Thanks to Bob Steven for this story

The Noble Arts of Croquet and Bowls

Imagine, if thou wilt, a verdant battlefield whereupon one’s mission is to direct balls through hoops with utmost precision. With mallets in hand, players embark on a journey reminiscent of a strategic military campaign, pondering each move with deepest contemplation. Lawn bowls engages us in a noble endeavour to roll biased bowls towards the jack with the calm deliberation of a tactician. It is as if one were attempting to achieve a precise and measured outcome, yet with infinite grace and decorum.

With their mallets that serve as instruments of precision, elegance, and weaponry, croquet players direct colourful balls across lawns where a major consideration lies in the terrain, demanding a keen eye and steady hand. Lawn bowls players, on the other hand, use bowls curiously

biased, rolling with a determination that commands respect. The greens, immaculate and pristine, rival the finest of sporting fields. The jack stands as the coveted objective, a symbol of success and aspiration.

In the theatre of croquet, each turn is a calculated tactic where every strike of the mallet resonates with purpose. Scoring depends on the number of hoops successfully negotiated and is a race to achieve seven before one’s opponents. Lawn bowls awards points based on the proximity to the jack, prompting discussions of such intensity they would not be out of place in the most serious of assemblies. Each end unfolds like a dramatic saga, filled with triumphs and disappointments.

Croquet is likened to a combined game of chess and pool played upon a lawn. Players must plot their moves, thwart their opponents, and maintain composure amidst the ever-present tension. It is strategic in the highest sense, with an undercurrent of rivalry and respect. Lawn bowls requires determining the line and weight of the bowl, akin to a strategist planning a campaign. The green, as capricious as the British weather, adds an element of unpredictability that enhances the sport's challenge and appeal.

Croquet requires a relatively gentle amble, punctuated by moments of spirited action. It is ideally suited for those who prefer their exercise accompanied by thoughtful contemplation and engagement. Lawn bowls involves bending, rolling, and occasionally a brisk walk to assess one's shot. It is a harmonious blend of measured movement and competitive focus, without the necessity of excessive exertion.

Croquet is a sport that invites reflection, challenge, and social interaction, welcoming individuals of all ages and dispositions to participate in it. Lawn bowls is renowned for its spirit of camaraderie and post-match discussions, a social pursuit that welcomes individuals of all ages and dispositions. Competitive, certainly, but always conducted with a sense of decorum and mutual respect.

Though croquet and lawn bowls both epitomize the quintessence of

leisure and strategy, they possess unique distinctions. Croquet offers the disciplined challenge of hoops and mallets combined with tactics—ideal for those who seek a blend of strategy and skill. Lawn bowls presents the refined challenge of rolling biased bowls towards a jack, where each end is an opportunity to also demonstrate precision and tactical acumen. Whether one’s aim is for the hoop or the jack, both sports guarantee engagement, thoughtful interaction, and moments of true sporting excellence.

– Di McGivern

Tribute to Louise Warren: 1950-2024

Itwas a great sadness when my dear friend and partner Louise passed away. Louise was born in Cape Town and was a loving mother of her children Brent and Jillian. In South Africa she was a qualified Accountant and managed the financial services of “Eikendal” Vineyards. She migrated to Western Australia to begin a new life and about nine years ago became a member of our Club. She was good friends with Jenny and Frank Gandras and was always quick to make other friendships on Friday nights and Sunday afternoons.

Jenny Gandras recalls that Louise indicated that she liked the look of me and prompted her to talk to me. I offered to give her bowling tips and things progressed from there for both of us. We both enjoyed each others company and loved to have long walks along Mullaloo or Sorrento Beach.

Louise soon became a proficient bowler, but a little heavy-handed and quite a few of her bowls went into the ditch. Occasionally she spilt a glass of red wine over the table. Friends soon learned to move their glasses

or hold on to them. Her Club friends became very familiar with her mannerisms of hand flinging and her favourite expression of “WOW” both in the Club and on the green.

Louise decided to become an Australian Citizen and always wanted to see as much of Australia as possible. We made trips to Jurien Bay; Kalbarri; Bunbury; Busselton; Albany; Esperance; Kalgoorlie; Broome (Horizontal Falls); Darwin; and New Zealand. While being proud of her new citizenship, she continued to love South Africa. When we recently travelled there, we both enjoyed meeting her son Brent and many of her friends. For many years, she endured considerable pain and trauma. Firstly, she had “Carpel Tunnel” operations on both wrists and then she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, a painful disease. Sadly, this year Louise was suddenly taken away from all of us. May she rest in peace. She will be missed by all.

– John Farmer

Playing Points: Some advice from Clive

Inan address to graduates at Dartmouth University, where he received an Honorary Doctorate, Roger Federer shared insights from his tennis career. He mentioned that out of the 1,526 singles matches he played, he won nearly 80% of them. He then posed a question to the audience: “What percentage of points do you think I won in those matches?” It was only 54%. Federer emphasized that even top-ranked tennis players win just over half of the points they play.

Does this statistic apply to lawn bowls? In lawn bowls, as in tennis, perfection is elusive. Our game is composed of many ends, each consisting of multiple shots, and even the best players will not win every single shot or end. Success in lawn bowls, like in tennis, hinges on consistency and resilience over the course of the game.

Federer explained that when playing a shot, it must be the most important

thing in the world at that moment. However, once the shot is done, it’s done. This mindset is crucial as it allows players to fully commit to the next shot and the next end with intensity, clarity, and focus.

Winning critical shots, as the game progresses, is vital in lawn bowls. Certain moments and ends carry more weight, and the ability to perform under pressure can determine the match's outcome. Focusing on these pivotal moments with heightened concentration can make a significant difference, often tipping the scales in favour of the more mentally resilient player.

Upon closer inspection, while Federer may have only won 54% of career points, he won 67% of points when defending a break point, and successfully converted 41% of his opportunities to break his opponents' serve. This shows Federer’s ability to perform in the moment.

Statistics over a 21-end match of pennant bowls show that the team that wins the most ends most often wins the match – it really is that simple. That means 11 ends to 10 ends gives you a decided advantage – like Federer’s example, that percentage is just 52%, but it’s enough to tip the scales in your fervour. Yet, we tend to get carried away with how many shots we are collecting rather than really valuing the one we already have.

The similarities between lawn bowls and tennis run quite deep. They are both sports where players have time between deliveries (or points in tennis) to consider their position, their tactics, and their shot selection. What has gone before will influence these decisions, but will it be for good or for bad? Reality is that what has gone before has no bearing on what happens in the future, but it often feels like it does – how do you deal with the bad shot or bad result of the previous shot and ensure that it doesn’t carry itself into the next shot, and the next?

Putting aside the outcome and concentrating on the shot itself isolates the moment and prevents “outside” noise from affecting performance. An open draw shot is the same shot regardless of whether you are holding one

shot or are down five, but the perceived pressure of the shot is what drives failure. Reality is that it is only the players of the best mindset that can block out being down by five and simply draw the shot – the fear of the outcome takes over.

It is the same for a golfer who hovers over a two-foot putt – at any normal time, it is straightforward, but suddenly when the outcome is a milliondollar prize, that same putt gets a whole lot harder. Incredible, given the actual task has not changed, but true.

The truth is, in any game you play in life, sometimes you will lose a shot, an end, a match, or even a season. Life is a roller-coaster with many ups and downs. It’s natural to doubt yourself and feel sorry for yourself when you’re down. Remember, your opponent’s experience self-doubt too. Never forget that. Remember too that the word pressure is a mind concept only –it doesn’t really exist!

– Clive Adams

Aphorisms

Someuseful information:

• I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

• When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

• Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

• Money talks, but all mine ever says is good-bye.

• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a dressing gown before you start looking like a mental patient.

• Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch.

– Trevor Orton

Our Achievements 2023/24

For those Club members who were unable to attend our July AGM, we thought it would be useful to summarise the main achievements of your Governing Council during the 2023/2024 season. They have:

• Managed significant resignations and appointments.

• Changed the constitution so that the Treasurer is now an appointed position and not elected.

• Hosted the Australian Bowls Nationals in October, earning accolades from Bowls Australia and Bowls WA for the smooth and professional execution of the event.

• Recognised the large number of volunteers who helped make the Nationals a great success.

• Completed the installation of a new synthetic surface on A green. Very positive feedback has been received from our members.

• Implemented a successful Monday afternoon event on the new synthetic A Green.

• Implemented “The Refresh Project” initiative which covered updated club signage, our website and new pennant shirts, all funded by sponsors Ray Green Trevors Carpets and Barry Bradshaw Safeway Security Screens.

• Introduced a permanent non-smoking and Vaping policy.

• Addressed the transition from casual to permanent part-time staff positions, created personal files and new employment letters for staff, ensured new staff received Fair Work Commission documentation, corrected under-payment of wages.

• Commenced updates to our HR policies, produced a Staff Handbook, and Bar Operational Manual.

• Reinvigorated Sponsorship was with new packages, brochures, business cards and relocation of the Sponsors' Board.

• Replaced worn out and damaged, window blinds, stool covers and table tops.

• Organised major repairs to the men’s facilities.

• Arranged for the dance floor area to be refurbished by being sanded

and polished, and for all the carpets to be cleaned.

• Ensured that future planning remained a focus.

• That regular communication from the GC was maintained with members through 18 President Updates, a weekly newsletter, a quarterly news magazine and publishing of the monthly GC meetings minutes.

– Neville Odell

Some Perspective

Just to put things into perspective regarding PETROL PRICES: So, you think a litre of petrol is expensive? This comparison might make you think differently:

√ Can of Red Bull (250 ml): $2.50 or $10 per litre!

√ Robitussin Cough Mixture (200 ml): $10 or $50 per litre!

√ L'Oréal Revitalif Day Cream (50 ml): $30 or $600 per litre!

√ Bundy Rum (1250 ml): $51 or $41 per litre!

√ Visine Eye Drops (15 ml): $6 or $380 per litre!

√ Britney Spears Fantasy Perfume (50 ml): $29 or $580 per litre!

√ Evian Water (375 ml): $3 or $8 per litre!

Ever wonder why computer printers are so cheap? So, they can hook you for the ink! Someone calculated the cost of the ink at – you won't believe it but it's true – $1,040 per litre! So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Red Bull, Robitussin, L'Oréal, or ink!

– Mike Berecry

The "10 Second Rule" vs. "30-Second Law"

According to popular legend, toast dropped on the floor can still be eaten if snatched up within ten seconds. This so-called "10-second rule" has led many to dive for their fallen slice as if it were the last life jacket on the Titanic. But alas, science reveals that bacteria are quicker than we think, colonizing the toast the instant it touches the ground. There’s no time to save it!

In the genteel world of bowls, there’s a different rule of patience – the 30-second law. Once a final bowl comes to rest, everyone must wait for 30 seconds before any wedging or measuring can commence. This rule ensures that the bowl is truly at peace and not just taking a breather. It’s like the bowl is saying, "Hold on, I’m not done with my dramatic finish just yet!"

The process of deciding the number of shots scored must not start until the last bowl has come to rest or until 30 seconds have passed. This allows for a fair assessment if a bowl might fall of its own accord within that time. So, don't get upset when your opponent invokes this rule – patience is key!

And so, we are left with a lesson in patience and hygiene. While bowlers exhibit Zen-like calm, awaiting the finality of their bowl's journey, toast enthusiasts embrace a frantic scramble, only to be thwarted by invisible microbes.

In conclusion, while lawn bowls champions may wait patiently for 30 seconds, toast enthusiasts are left scrambling within their mere ten-second window, only to face the harsh reality that bacteria don’t care about the rules. Whether on the green or in the kitchen, sometimes it’s better to wait and see—or maybe just have a spare piece of toast ready!

– Neville Odell

Some Useful Skippers Comments

• "Nice try, but we're playing lawn bowls, not ten-pin! Maybe you should stop aiming for the ditch!"

• "Good weight! Just a bit too much left or right. I think your bowl's GPS needs recalibrating."

• "The jack is your friend – stop treating it like an enemy! Think of the jack as your mother-in-law. Aim to get close, but not too close."

• "It’s not rocket science – just get the bowl close to the jack!"

• "Your bowl has as much chance of hitting the jack as I do of winning the lottery."

• "Next time, try bowling with your eyes open!"

• "Bowling's not a contact sport – stop aiming for the opposition's bowls!"

• "It would help if you did something different."

• "One out of three is not bad."

Men's Dash for Cash #3

Twenty teams were rewarded by lovely weather in what had otherwise been a wet end to the month. The only team to win all four matches was Bruce Eagles, new member Chris Leggett, Lindsay Baker and Barry Bradshaw. Second and third places were filled by teams skipped by Charlie Slavich and Chris Landers, while morning and afternoon prizes were won by Sam Perica and Steve Fewster. Once again, many thanks to the "Soup Ladies" some of whom are pictured above.

"Mate's Rates: The 72-Try Baby Blunder"

Thisis a true story, from a German newspaper, which we have adapted to Australian conditions:

In the heart of the Aussie outback, where kangaroos bounce and barbies sizzle, lived a fair dinkum couple named Mick and Sheila. They had everything they wanted except one thing—a little ankle-biter to call their own. After years of trying to start a family and numerous visits to the doc, Mick was handed some bad news: he was shooting blanks.

Bazza! I need your help to get Sheila pregnant

But Mick, being the resourceful bloke he was, came up with a plan straight out of a soap opera. He approached his good mate Bazza, a strapping fellow known for his two boisterous kids and a knack for chugging VB. Mick popped the question – no, not that question – the one where he asked Bazza to help Sheila, a former beauty Queen, to get pregnant. And to sweeten the deal, he offered Bazza a cool $2500. Bazza, never one to turn down a mate in need (or a bit of extra cash), agreed.

So, for the next six months, Mick made himself scarce while Bazza paid regular visits to Sheila every Monday night for 72 weeks, Bazza gave it his best shot – 72 shots in total, to be exact. Yet, despite all his efforts, Sheila’s "belly stayed as flat as a calm sea at dawn."

Perplexed and a bit miffed, Mick took Sheila and Bazza to the doctor for a check-up. And that’s when the plot thickened. Turns out, Bazza wasn’t the father of his own kids – he was as sterile as Mick! Bazza’s missus had some explaining to do, and boy, did that open a can of worms.

Mick, feeling double-crossed, decided to take the matter to Court. He sued Bazza for breach of contract, demanding his money back. Bazza, scratching his head, argued he never promised a baby, just that he’d give it his best shot!

Now the whole town was abuzz with the saga of Mick, Sheila, and Bazza’s bonkers baby blunder. Over a pint at the pub, folks couldn’t help but chuckle at the lengths Mick went to and the unexpected twist that left everyone gob smacked. Sheila, meanwhile, was left pondering the next steps, wondering if a visit from the stork was ever in the cards for her.

– Neville Odell

Getting to Know "Bocce"

First, remember that bocce is pronounced "BOT-Chay," so don’t say "Bot-Chee." So, why is bocce different from lawn bowls? Imagine playing bocce on a natural soil or asphalt court, perfect for when you want to throw heavy objects but don’t have a field handy. The goal in bocce is to get your balls as close to the pallino (the little target ball) as possible. In lawn bowls, it’s a similar idea: roll your biased balls towards the jack. But remember, our balls curve, adding a dash of drama and a sprinkle of strategy. It’s like the soap opera of ball games. Like bowls, points in bocce are awarded for each ball closer to the pallino than the closest opponent’s ball.

Here’s where bocce gets wild. You can throw those balls underhand, overhand, or however you fancy. Bouncing off the walls? Sure, why not! Meanwhile, in lawn bowls, we prefer a more refined approach— underhand rolling only, please. Bowls is a game of skill, patience, and just a bit of flair. People

play bocce in teams of one, two, or four – the more, the merrier! It’s all about strategy and teamwork – or just shouting “closer, closer!” At your teammate. More people, more fun, and more chances to blame someone else for a bad shot.

Bocce might look like you’re rolling or tossing rocks around a backyard, but don’t be fooled; it’s an ancient Italian tradition that just happens to look like a game invented by cavemen. Every bocce player knows that more arguments are sparked by "whose ball is closer" than by politics at a family dinner. There’s nothing like watching seasoned bocce players strike yoga poses as they lean, bend, and twist to get a better view of whose ball is closer to the pallino. And when it comes to fashion, only in bocce can you witness a dazzling array of mismatched socks, sandals, and sun hats that make every game feel like a runway show at a retirement community.

Bocce may look like a leisurely pastime, but don’t be deceived. The endless bending, squatting, and walking back and forth are secretly giving you a full-body workout. Bocce: the original Cross Fit. Underestimate the elderly at your peril. Many a confident young buck has been soundly thrashed by a granny with a deadly accurate bocce toss and decades of practice.

It's always entertaining to see players debate the right technique—some go for the gentle roll,

others for the dramatic lob. And then there’s Uncle Joe, who seems to think bocce is a game of dodge ball. Ever notice how a bocce game often ends with players on their hands and knees, peering at balls from every angle, looking like they're searching for lost treasure?

In the end, whether you’re rolling bocce balls or biased bowls, it’s all about the joy of the game, the thrill of the competition, and, of course, the postgame refreshments. Because let’s be honest, we’re all here for the snacks, drinks, and socializing.

– Neville Odell

Some Words of Wisdom

* Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

* People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

* Whatever you do, always give 100%--unless you're donating blood.

* What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roaming Catholic.

* What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.

* Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

* I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.

* I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.

* If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

* Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

* We can't all be stars, but we can all twinkle.

The "Mad Hatter's Tea Party

The Best "all-purpose Hat" – Klair Hughes

Thank You Kevin Coffey: From Us All

At Sorrento, there’s a Man, Who helps as much as Chicken Man. Kevin Coffey, with a heart so grand, Volunteers to lend a hand.

So, if you’re in need, just call, "Chicken Man Kevin" will save us all. With a cluck and a flap, He’ll be there in a snap.

With dedication and a smile so bright, Kevin works from morn till night. HERE, THERE, AND EVERYWHERE

Kevin Coffey stands out as one of our best and most productive and active volunteers. He is like Sorrento’s own "Chicken Man" – "here, there, and everywhere", tirelessly working to support our Club. For many years he has made numerous major contributions to our Club. Some of these are:

• He has been the driving force behind our "Chase the Joker" on Fridays, a highlight of the week for many of our members.

• He is passionate about fostering a love for bowls in the younger generation and is always prepared to help groups of children, encouraging them to learn and play with enthusiasm.

• When maintenance tasks are required, he is always ready to lend a hand. Last year, he led a team to replace the badly worn rubbers on our greens.

• He installed the outdoor custom-made bar tops along the edge of the front patio so that spectators can enjoy a drink.

• The cage for storing bottles for re-cycling bottles was another of his contributions.

• Thanks to him, we now have 14 new tabletops with the old tops on 14 new weatherproof bases for the alfresco area. Kevin found and purchased the tops and bases at an incredible price and, with help from Murray, Glenn, Trish, Bob, and Shelley, assembled the tables.

One of Our Most Active Volunteers

• He built, from scratch, a mat and jack trolley for the yellow jacks and black mats used on our new synthetic green. It is perfectly made and ideal for purpose. Well done, Kevin.

• He played a significant role in the Mega Bowl event, working on the microphone and helping behind the scenes.

• Kevin has served on the Men's Selection Committee.

• He is always prepared to help behind the bar

His spirit of volunteerism, much like the legendary Chicken Man, demonstrates that true heroes can be found in our everyday lives, making a difference here, there, and everywhere. These references highlight Kevin Coffey's active involvement and the various roles he plays at the Sorrento Bowling Club, ranging from player to organizer and committee member – Neville Odell

PS: Thanks to FreePik for allowing us to use the chicken image.

Comments About Bowls (Written in 1911)

With some difficulty your Editor was able to extract some comments from the Sydney Morning Herald, written in 1911, about lawn bowlers. It seems that nothing much has changed in the last 113 years!

√ A bowler without some humorous quirk is a rarity, often cited as an exception to the well-established rule.

√ Convincing a bowler of their comedic traits without camera evidence would be nearly impossible. One well-known player, for example, would vigorously deny his habit of squatting on the mat and following his bowl with a side-to-side head waggle reminiscent of an animated Chinese idol.

√ Another older left-handed player has a tendency to fixate on his bowl and walk diagonally across the green with outstretched arm, oblivious to the shouts of adjacent players until he fell into the side ditch.

√ I understand and appreciate a bowler who is a straightforward, unceremonious individual who speaks his mind without concern for

misunderstanding. He is focused solely on himself and seeks no compromise. There is no leisure in this bowling; it is furious work, spiced with more than a hint of pantomime.

√ For instance, there was a little podgy man, a grown man who waddled instead of walked. His opponent, in contrast, was long, lean, and all sharp corners. These men were only similar in their straight-faced demeanour and deep concentration. The podgy man won the right to lead off with the jack, and as I watched him, wood in hand, it seemed his ears twitched in appreciation of his good fortune.

√ The actual bowling was a serious, extraordinary business. The podgy man, uncomfortable in a stiff collar, twirled and fondled his bowl, peered at the jack, twitched his collar, rolled the mat, and from one knee, after a final anxious look, released his bowl. What followed was remarkable: a stern, emotionless man burst into ecstasy. His short, cone-shaped legs carried him after his bowl, alternating between standing on tiptoe and crawling on all fours.

√ This elaborate performance seemed essential for great bowling. I believed that without such treatment, the bowls would refuse to budge. They responded to threats, cajoling, and fondling with precise obedience, earning compliments like "Good lad, champion; well done."

√ Every bowler had a unique signalling code, requiring extravagant gestures. Spectators, steeped in bowling lore, mimicked these gestures, uniting with the bowlers in perfect enthusiasm.

√ Conversations were conducted at a shout, and disagreements were settled with bets.

– Sydney Morning Herald Dec 1911

Worst Day Ever?

"Worst Day Ever” is a poem attributed to 11th grader Chanie Gorkin of Brooklyn, New York. It has been making the rounds on the internet and we thought was worth sharing, if you haven’t read it. The poem captures a world-view that is far too common, but be ready for an interesting twist on the next page when red turns to green!

Today was the absolute worst day ever And don’t try to convince me that There’s something good in every day Because, when you take a closer look, This world is a pretty evil place. Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while Satisfaction and happiness don’t last. And it’s not true that It’s all in the mind and heart Because

True happiness can be attained Only if one’s surroundings are good It’s not true that good exists. I’m sure you can agree that The reality Creates

My attitude It’s all beyond my control

And you’ll never in a million years hear me say Today was a good day.

Now, read these lines in reverse order for "The Best Day Ever".

"The Best Day Ever?"

Today was a good day. And you’ll never in a million years hear me say It’s all beyond my control My attitude Creates

The reality

I’m sure you can agree that It’s not true that good exists Only if one’s surroundings are good True happiness can be attained Because

It’s all in the mind and heart And it’s not true that Satisfaction and happiness don’t last. Some goodness does shine through once in a while. Even if

This world is a pretty evil place. Because, when you take a closer look, There’s something good in every day And don’t try to convince me that Today was the absolute worst day ever.

Advice from an 80-year-old Bowler

Youmay like to read the following advice from an old bowler

• After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, and my friends, I have now started loving myself.

• I have realised that I am not “Atlas" who had to carry the heavens upon his shoulders for eternity.The world does not rest on my shoulders, especially not on the bowling green.

• I have stopped bargaining with vegetable and fruit vendors. A few dollars more is not going to break me, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

• I leave my waitress a big tip. The extra money might bring a smile to her face. She is toiling much harder for a living than I am, even harder than the toughest bowls game.

• I have stopped telling elderly bowlers that they've already told that story many times. Their story makes them walk down memory lane and relive their past games and victories.

• I have learned not to correct fellow bowlers even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me, whether on or off the bowling green. Peace is more precious than perfection.

• I give compliments freely and generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient but also for me. And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment: never, NEVER turn it down, just say "Thank you”.

• I have learned not to bother about a crease or a spot on my bowls shirt. Personality speaks louder than appearances, even more so in the bowling community.

• I walk away from bowlers who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do – both as a person and as a bowler.

• I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat, and neither am I in any race, except perhaps a friendly game of lawn bowls.

• I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human and passionate about lawn bowling.

• I have learned that it's better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. My ego will keep me aloof, whereas with relationships, I will never be alone, especially with my fellow bowlers.

• I have learned to live each day as if it's the last. After all, it might be the last, whether in life or in a game of bowls.

• I am doing what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at any time, just choose to be – both in life and in bowls!

– Author unknown

R.I.P. John Collishaw (1937 - 2024)

We were saddened to announce the passing of our beloved longtime member – John Collishaw. Though we had not seen John on the green for some time due to a severe fall, his memory and legacy remain strong. John, one of the kindest individuals you could meet, hailed from the Tiger Hogan territory of Bencubbin and lived to 87.

John's skill as a bowler is well-documented on our Honours Board. He won our Club singles in the 2005/6 season and went on to represent us in Bowls WA’s Singles Champion of Champions. We remember watching him at Yokine, where he showcased his full range of shots, from beautiful draws and some powerful weighted shots.

In the 2001/2 season, John, along with Keith Bransby, Ray Beard, and Doug Fitzgerald, won the Men’s Fours. In 2008/9, he triumphed in the pairs with Neil Breakell and in the Club Mixed Fours with his dear wife Pippa, Clair Hanlon, and Tiger Hogan. We were all thrilled when in 2009 John was named our "Bowler of the Year". John always enjoyed playing Pennants. In this photo we have John (second from the right when his team won the 2nd Division event.

John's presence will be deeply missed, but his contributions and the memories he created with us will never be forgotten.

– Jim Woodward

Please Support Our Sponsors

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Barney Fleiser, a seasoned real estate agent, has been a proud member of our Club since 2020. His real estate journey began 30 years ago. Since settling in Perth in 2009 he has become a trusted name in the local property market. His expertise and commitment have resulted in a remarkable track record of success, with a portfolio boasting over a thousand houses he has successfully sold. His in-depth knowledge of the market, combined with his ability to truly understand his clients' needs, has consistently delivered exceptional results. For Sorrento members and their families, Barney offers a 20% discount on his selling fee, coupled with great service and results. When it comes to real estate. "Always talk to Barney"

Lunch with Girlfriends

Elaine’s vertigo has never been worse, Kay can’t recall where she left her purse. Rhonda’s about to replace her knees, Linda’s breathing is tinged with a wheeze.

Donna's left boob has a troublesome lump, Diane’s on her third trip to take a dump. Lorraine’s husband can’t remember a thing, Nine years a widow, Marge still wears her ring.

Marlene is dealing with another UTI, Sally’s giving a hearing aid another try. Marie has decided she can’t drive at night, Sharon still wears clothes two sizes too tight.

They’ve been through divorces and babies and wakes, They do for each other whatever it takes. They’ve already buried Marcia and Kate, And truthfully, Lizzie’s not looking so great.

So, whenever they can, they get out to eat, Open bottles of wine and forget their sore feet. There’s laughing and crying and letting down guards, And when the bill comes, there are ten credit cards.

So, here’s to the waiters who keep orders straight, And to the places that let lunches run three hours late. And here’s to the girlfriends, those near and those far, Here’s to the girlfriends, you know who you are!

– By Kathy O'Malley

With over 30 years’ experience in the building and renovation industry, Dav Chavda loves bringing his clients’ ideas to life Having successfully completed a wide range of projects over this time, Dav enjoys a challenge and no job is too big or too small for his attention to detail. You can be guaranteed of quality, value for money and good old-fashioned service by using Dav and his team on your next home renovation project