From Your Editors

Welcome

This is our second edition for 2023! We hope that it has been a good year so far and that you are enjoying your bowls, croquet, darts and mahjong. First of all, thank you to all members who asked about my "one-eyed" operation. The major problem was poor Denise got all the flack and bad temper when your one-eyed editor was not allowed to bowl for three weeks! All good now so no more excuses!

Some More Did you hear/know?

Did you know that Egon Mikolajczyk is German and he tells us that Egon gets pronounced as ‘Egg*on’, ‘Egg On Toast’, ‘Egg-ee’ or more commonly as ‘E - gone’? As for his Polish surname it should be get pronounced Mik*O*Lie*Chik but he gets called

• ‘Mick*o*way*czick’.

• ‘Mick*o*large*- ick’

• or ‘Mick with a large ..ick’!

When he orders take away, he uses ‘John Smith’ because by the time he has spelt his name out, they could have cooked it! According to Google, the 11 letters in his surname name can be arranged in about 5 million distinct ways so he is lucky that there are not more incorrect pronunciations or spellings of his name!

Did you hear the following advice sent in by Ian Johnson? "Lord, keep Your arm on my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!" Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you then stick around awhile and it will!

Around Our Club

The Konig family Demi, Max, Alice and Jan after Demi and Jan got to the finals of the Mixed Pairs Championship

Anne Sauerwein and Shonah

Buckley, two of our new members who played in the WA State Singles and did well

Tracey, Pauline, Charmain, Lee, Jan (Siney) and Janpan. It is interesting that Janpan has three wine glasses in front of her!

Did you know that Ron Hutchinson is a song writer and musician (guitar) and has written many poems and songs? One of his poems "Empty Chair" is on page 57. He tells us he wrote this poem for his family after their youngest grandson drowned and left an empty chair at the family table. Having noticed some recent “passings” at our Club he thought he'd send it to us for use in this news magazine.

Did you know that due to the high rate of attacks on women in secluded car parks, especially during evening hours, the Edinburgh Council has established a 'Women Only' car park at a shopping centre. Even the parking attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Alongside is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot!

Did you know that Ken Foggo entered himself and John Jackson into the Women's Pairs competition because he did not have his glasses with him?

Did you hear that when you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra?

‘Did you know” Peter Flack and Murray Hulbert won the Yokine All Sorts Pairs in early January? This is a very popular annual event with bowlers. Teams consist of any gender and four games of “all sorts” of pairs are played. Games include 2-2-2-2, 3 bowl pairs, 2-4-2 and finish with the cut throat 2 bowl pairs, with points awarded for wins and ends won. Well done to Peter and Murray who were undefeated with 71 points at the end of the day.

Did you know that Ken Bradley, member of the Cambridge Club died last year at the age of 100 years and two weeks? According to his mates he was still bowling at age 99 and 50 weeks! He started his bowls at City Beach and became part of Cambridge when the Clubs merged in 2003. He was a keen bowler and put his name down for all Championships events. Records do not go back far enough as to how many Pennant games he played but, at the very least he would have played over 1000 Pennant games in his career.

Did you know that in February

Chris Lander, Paul Knight, Anne Sauerwein and Jennifer Page joined 32 teams, of both Metro and Country bowlers, to celebrate the Pinjarra Bowling Club's 73rd Anniversary? They played well in all their games to win the $2000 first prize.

Did you know that Jim Woodward’s involvement in and passion for Queen’s Prize shoots saw him made a life-long Vice President of the NSW Rifle Association in 1987? He tells me that, even though he spent the best part of three decades as a sports writer on Sydney’s Daily Telegraph covering major sports such as international cricket and Rugby Union, receiving the badge was both unexpected and truly humbling.

Did you know that one of our 3 Gold players (whose name is synonymous with a flower) was in a bit of a dither before a Saturday Pennant game at Stirling? He was concerned that he had not put on his Sunscreen, didn’t have his hat and was looking for his sunglasses. He was relieved when he was reminded that Stirling Bowling Club is a fully enclosed indoor arena with a roof!

Appointment of Sensitivity Readers

A wise man once said, “intelligent people must remain silent so that dumb people won’t be offended”. As Editors we are still trying to get our heads around the sensitive differences between a LADY and a WOMAN, a GENTLEMAN and a LADY, a MASCULINE' person and a FEMININE person, a MALE and a FEMALE and a GUY and a GIRL!

Our Honours Board still calls winners "LADIES" and we always refer to the kind LADIES who make the Men's Pennant sandwiches as LADIES. When people excuse themselves, they say they are going to the LADIES or the GENTS! Nollamara Bowling Club have overcome this problem by having a JACKS for the men and KITTYS for the ladies, A while ago a FEMALE member told us she was a WOMEN and not a LADY. Is it OK to say, "Would you GUYS like to join us for a roll up, or should this be "Would you WOMEN like to join us for a roll up? Is a woman not a lady? As we’ve all seen, a lady is not necessarily a woman, a woman is not necessarily a lady and not all men are gentlemen.

Anyhow, in our desperation to not unwittingly offend anyone’s delicate fabric of feelings, and to help us with these difficult decisions, it has been decided that Jan Paniperis and Denise Odell, our current “ARBITERS OF GOOD TASTE”, be promoted to the new and important position of “SORRENTO SENSITIVITY READERS”.

As "Sensitivity Readers" they will contribute to ensuring the opaque quality of our news magazine by spotting details that don’t ring true, and identifying scenarios and story lines that, for whatever reason, may be considered by some members to be unlikely to happen to someone in our Club. They must also ensure that we do not include any offensive or insensitive content in our magazine that may upset a member and cause them to take offence. Jan and Denise must also ensure that there is no opportunity for misrepresentation, bias, lack of understanding, prejudice, profanities, gender-imbalance, sexual innuendo, or cruelty.

Cognisance will be taken of the sensitivity interpretation of Roald Dahl’s children's books where Oompa Loompas who were “small men” are now “small people”. Miss Trunchbull in Matilda, once a “most formidable female”, is now a “most formidable woman”.

Recently some insightful and very sensitive people, who have a much better understanding of what is right and what is wrong have determined that his 15 books for children are bursting with:

• Gluttony and flatulence (a big fat fart in case you did not know!).

• Wives feeding their husbands worms (probably spaghetti).

• The young are eaten by giants and changed into mice by bald, toe less hags (hate to think how they are regurgitated after being eaten, perhaps a “mouse-steak”).

• Villains loom large; as mean as they are ignorant, they tower over pint-sized protagonists (sounds like the government).

As Jan Pan and Denise have a difficult task ahead of them these new positions will only be effective from March 2025 as they will have to undergo two years of intensive special sensitivity training. As a first pass however, they have tried to desensitise the ageless “Baa baa black sheep”.

More Around Our Club

Right: "The Man, the Myth, the Legend" on his recent 80th birthday!

"Any sport anytime, just hand over your money!"

Saturday 2 BLUE says

"THANK YOU”

On behalf of all members, Graham O'Brien's team contributed to a small gift as a show of appreciation for the Sandwich Ladies' efforts during the Saturday bowling season.

From left to right: Liz McKersey, Gail Taylor, Bev Carrigy and Penny Hynam. Stan and Wayne represented 2 Blue

Baa, baa, black sheep, Have you any wool?

Yes, sir, yes, sir, Three bags full; One for the master, And one for the dame, And one for the little boy

Who lives down the lane.

This 1879 rhyme seems harmless. It is just talking about sheep, after all. However, controversy first started in the 1990s, when a few parents in the United Kingdom started to complain that their children were being taught a song that alluded to slavery. The reasoning here was that the titular “black sheep” was a reference to African slaves, with the wool referencing them being forced to work on farms. In time, however, it became clear that the political climate in the UK had created a controversy where there really wasn’t one. It had however been reported that one school district had banned the nursery rhyme. This prompted allegations in the media and from other parents that the district was overreacting. The district later clarified that there was no such ban, just optional racial sensitivity courses. Later, an Australian school district opted to introduce a rainbow sheep. Our desensitised version now reads: “Sheep, have you any wool?"

Thanks

We would like to thank the following who contribute to our magazine: Brian Lucas. Trevor and Anne Orton, Jim Woodward, Dan Greig, Shirley Palmer, Mike Berecry, Ray Stapledon, Denis Croker, Wendy

Flack, Jan Paniperis, Ian Wittber, Ron and Kerry Hutchinson, Di

McGivern, Ian Johnston, Spider Webb, Stan Brickell, Ian and Chloe

Lucas, Ken Foggo, Larry Perry, Barbara Spence, Nerrida and Ross

Porteous, Frank Tutt, Graeme O'Brien, Kevin Coffey, Moira Dean.

Lesley Hughes, Lee Leach, Peter McIntosh, Matt Sharrett, Pope

Francis, Barry Stewart, Socrates, Paul Ramsey, Colin Bangs and Graeme Whitehorn.

– Denise and Neville (Tel 9309310 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au)