Our 2034/35 "Bowlers of the Year"

Congratulations to Pauline Bourne and Bruce Eagles for once again winning this prestigious award (Remember some of us age quicker than others)

Some of our members enjoying a game in 2035!

Note: Last year our uniforms changed to neutral colours (preferably white as still done at Wimbledon). Coloured uniforms were causing some dissension amongst members

Dreds (Alan Walton) who over the last ten years has lost all his hair and is now affectionately known as “Nude Nut”, keeps complaining that he will never be old enough to play in a Veteran’s competition. Anyway, Nude Nut skippered his team in the 2035 Club Men's fours final, being the youngest in the team, with Steve Bomford, Rhett Butler and Murray Hulbert all under 70. By contrast their opponents (Brian Saul, Peter Snow, Neville Odell and Tiger Hogan) were in the elite category of being nonagenarians (aged between 90 and 99) and what a game it was.

We can’t tell you about the winner at this time. Sports Australia’s anti-discrimination policy introduced in 2031 allows the losing side in a competition three months to lodge an appeal based on discrimination. This could be from intimidatory behaviour such as staring at your opponent, oppressive body language but excluding obesity, verbal insincerity, excessive flatulence when in an up-wind position, players changing their gender identity during a game, and a myriad of other offenses. So, I hope to bring you the results in my next report.

Selection

I would like to thank our Gender-Neutral Selection Committee for their efforts during this difficult year. Having fifteen ladies and one man as selectors has proved to be a success although we continue to have a problem with dummy spitters (no offense meant to babies) who continue to criticise selections.

Saulie is still a canny, crafty, shrewd, and astute old bowler! Peter Robson has fine-tuned his now Internationally accepted legitimate ROBBO and his short bowls continue to be effective in blocking the oppositions shots.

Unisex toilets

The introduction of unisex toilets has been a success and our ladies can now use a urinal when they wish and men can sit down even when not on the job (so to speak)! The new unisex showers are also appreciated by members, although this has caused some problems with mixed showering with some bowlers arriving home late for their tea, although smelling like a rose.

Synthetic green

Despite the wonderful efforts of our 12th "Synthetic Green Committee" annual cost escalations and supply shortages have kept the dream of a synthetic green just out of reach.

The latest proposal is for a two rink green and to reduce the cost further we will use old carpet tiles from the clubhouse for the surface. The proposal to sell the contents of the lost property box to help finance the cost of the synthetic was considered controversial by some and has therefore been abandoned as a lost cause.

Bar prices

Unfortunately, due to inflation and the Federal government’s new alcohol excise charge, we have had to again increase bar prices. From next month a pint of beer will cost $40 and a middy $26. Wine has also been increased and a glass of Oyster Bay will cost $24.

As per the regulations, alcohol is only served in paper cups which must be drunk quickly before the contents are lost through the bottom of the cup.

Awards

But not all bad news. I am happy to report that we have been nominated for the 2034/35 Bowls WA award for the most tolerant and compliant club in WA. Results will be released in 2037 after the appeal process has been completed.

– The Sorrento Bowling Club's Honorary Madame Lady President

Founding Mahjong Player

Yvonne

Watson, pictured, was one of the founding members of the Sorrento Mahjong Group, along with Lynne Penne, Peg Bamforth, Shirley Saunders and Sue Dowson. All were bowlers and in the off season they played cards.

Around winter 1997 they were invited by the President to learn how to play mahjong. The rest as they say, is history. Around 10 to 16 ladies play every Wednesday morning.

Yvonne married Arthur on 14 February 1948, and recently celebrated 75 years of marriage. They received congratulatory cards from King Charles, the Governor General David Hurley, the Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and the Governor of WA Chris Dawson. This remarkable achievement is shared only by 1% of all marriages worldwide. Heartiest congratulations to the happy couple.

Answer to Guess Who on Page 20

In case you did not recognise her, this is Nerrida Porteous.