Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 101 January 2025
Sorrento Bowling Club’s News Magazine
No 101 – Our 2nd Edition for 2025
101 – Our Final Edition
“PARTICIPATION
– ENJOYMENT – SUCCESS”
"The Sorrento Bowling Club Orchestra where striking the right note is as rare as a perfect draw shot! From rolling bowls to rocking symphonies, these maestros are sure to hit... something!"
(For more information see article on Page 21 called "Bowls Meets Beethoven")
Hi Readers,
Editorial
For some time now, our Governing Council has expressed concerns about the cost of printing our "Quarterly News Magazine". The cost has now risen to over $5.54 per copy (a fixed price for 2025).
We therefore identified the following five options for our magazine’s future:
1. Maintain the Current Format: Continue producing both an online version and 120 printed copies four times a year.
2. Move to On-line-Only: Transition entirely to an on-line version to save the printing costs four times a year.
3. Combine Newsletter and Magazine: Merge the weekly newsletter and quarterly magazine and issue a combined weekly newsletter.
4. Downsize the Magazine: Reduce its size and objectives
5. Discontinue the Magazine: Focus solely on the weekly newsletter.
We recommended Option 2 but our Governing Council has asked us to proceed with Option 3. As a result, this edition (#101) will be the final issue of our Quarterly News Magazine. This edition will only be available on-line and we apologise to members who prefer the printed booklet.
Combined Newsletter and Magazine
Trevor and Anne Orton, the current editors of our weekly newsletter, will produce the weekly combined newsletter and magazine. This will include articles and photographs that were previously part of the quarterly magazine
Trevor has advised that the majority of our members have email
Bits and Pieces
The Winners of the Joe Stow Cancer Day Philip Irwin, Jacques Hugo, Kerry Hutchinson, Sue Gianatti and organiser Barbara Spence
What a handsome bunch? A bottle of wine for the first person who sends in all 17 names and surnames correctly spelt! Nothing makes you happier than a good English breakfast
addresses and will be able to read the weekly newsletter without a problem.
If you have any contributions for upcoming newsletters, please forward them directly to Trevor and Anne.
Special Thanks
Denise and I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those members who, over the last 17 years, have contributed and helped with our quarterly news magazine. The following members have been the main contributors: Jan Paniperis, Jim Woodward, Brian Lucas, Wendy Flack and Denis Croker. We would never have managed to get to edition #101 without their help. Jim has been our major contributor and the following is a list of the articles he has written for us:
√ Nothing antisocial about this fabulous four – Chris Tibbits, Barbara Spence, Stan McCullagh, and Betty Stern.
√ Men’s novice singles – Al Walton v Ray Green.
√ Getting to know Kerry Bomford.
√ Our club mascots – Dennis Saunders and dog Lilly.
√ Tribute to Eric Tompkins.
√ Thank you to Joan Witham.
√ Numbers no problem for tireless Tony Friedlieb.
√ Getting to know Herbie.
√ Division 4 Blue win promotion.
√ No hill too steep for versatile Ken Giles.
√ Sorrento players in Broome’s Shinju Matsuri tournament.
√ Getting to know Rob Tozer.
√ McCarthys prove some things are meant to be – Glenn and Trish
√ Getting to know Spider Webb.
√ Getting to know Tiger Hogan.
√ Our Annual Cancer Day.
√ Alex and team sow seeds for the future – Alex Third.
√ Sorrento lost property box – missing bra.
√ Five Davids v Goliath – John Sturk’s winning fours team.
√ Our Rubik’s Cube expert – Dion Smith.
√ Tribute to Ken Vercoe.
√ Kate Atkin-Smith wins Ray Green’s Trevors Carpet award.
√ Barbara and Betty – our pillars of social bowls.
√ Brian Keily walks tall in the company of champions – a tribute
√ Loafing is not on Jan Cook's list.
√ Opinion Piece – One Red supports Five Gold.
√ Getting to know Keith and Margaret Cooper.
√ No climb too steep for mighty Mick Martin.
√ What our members do in their spare time – Robyn and Glen.
√ Liz Marshall – the ultimate quiet achiever
√ Pat Dichiera on the mat with his hopeful habit
√ Loyal and dedicated service recognised – Brian Clausen.
√ Getting to know John Murphy.
√ No Orton-ary member – Trevor Orton.
√ Why skippers need smart phones.
√ Sorrento’s Superman – Ian Lucas.
√ The three amigos – Robin Clarke, Malcolm Clarke, and Peter Appleton.
√ Warnie’s idea for new balls a little late.
√ Wendy stands the test of time – Wendy Flack.
√ Triple treat for Sorrento – Paul Kain, Allan Barron, and Murray Hulbert.
√ Getting to know Greg Boyd.
√ Getting to know Egon Mikolajczyk.
√ Our valuable volunteers.
√ Twin towers of strength – Alan and John McFayden.
√ The ups and downs of Robin Clarke.
√ Getting to know Barney Fleiser, Gary Bayne, Greg Clements.
√ Getting to know Eric Doust, Matt Sharrett and Adrian Rose.
√ Getting to know Brian Staples.
√ Tribute to Ted McGrady.
√ Clive and Jan get a five-year visa – Clive Webber.
√ Our Ladies Captain – Cheryl Greig.
√ Tribute to Arthur Richards.
√ Our valuable Kiwis.
√ Our own blast from the past – Frank Tyson and Jeff Thomson.
√ Willie Tan – the Swan
√ Sky’s the limit for dashing Dan Nicholls.
√ Tribute to Brian Self.
√ A double act hard to match – Roger and Shirley Palmer.
√ Lorraine Hyde sings her swan song
√ Getting to know "Mr. T" – Ron Taylor.
√ Tribute to Craig Grisbrook.
√ Getting to know Brian Alcock.
√ Getting to know Ian Munro, Michael Dixon and Peter Ninnis.
√ Getting to know Penny Hynam.
√ Getting to know Anne Sauerwein.
√ Getting to know Jodi Neindorf.
√ Management strategy – Brian Lucas, Denis Croker, Geoff Murray, Wendy Flack, Kerry Hutchinson, Anne Sauerwein, and Matt Sharrett.
√ Don’t jump to conclusions with Carmel Hyde.
√ Getting to know Peter McHugh.
√ Getting to know Clare Deeves.
√ Tribute to Ian Wittber.
√ The game of life deals Snowy a good hand – Peter Snow.
√ Happy 94th – Emily Dunn.
√ Sorrento gets lucky with shining Shona.
√ The end of an era – Bill and May Leyland.
Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor
There has been some debate, in the bar, about the difference between "Mixed Bowls" and "Open Gender Bowls". Please clarify.
– Confused
Dear Confused
Mixed Lawn Bowls requires teams to include both male and female players, ensuring gender balance. Open Gender Lawn Bowls has no gender restrictions, allowing any combination of players regardless of gender, promoting inclusivity and flexibility.
Dear Editor
I would appreciate it if you would include this article in the next magazine:
In 2007, while serving as Deputy President of our Club, I approached Neville Odell with an important question: would he consider taking over the production of our Club’s newsletter from life member Ian Wittber? At the time, Neville was a sprightly 67-year-old and a new member. In an earlier conversation I discovered that he had written a book called "Bowl 'em Over" which he and Denise had sold to raise funds for the Hospice Association whilst living in South Africa. They were also in the process of selling their three books to raise $30000 for Alzheimers Australia. The match seemed perfect for the role of newsletter editor.
Happily, Neville accepted the challenge, but not without enlisting Denise, as a willing accomplice. And, as they say, the rest is history. Over the next 17 years they transformed our Club’s newsletter into what many believe to be the most professional Club magazine in all of club-land.
Neville brought a remarkable set of skills to the task. With his antenna always finely tuned, he consistently uncovered fascinating titbits of member stories, notebook at the ready.
Whether finding an unusual angle or injecting humour, Neville's writing informed and entertained our members. His technical expertise in producing our magazine meant mastering a variety of technologies, assembling articles, selecting and producing clever caricatures, and crafting the polished 64-page magazine we’ve come to cherish.
This effort came with its challenges, from proofreading and printing to handling complaints about minor errors and navigating the sensitivities of some members. Yet Neville managed it all with empathy, tolerance, and his characteristic aplomb.
His ability to connect with people, particularly when encouraging contributions, was equally outstanding. The regularity of the quarterly magazine showcased the Odell’s' tenacity, diligence, and organisational prowess – even when Neville faced health issues along the way.
Between 2015 and 2021, Sorrento Bowling Club secured ten major Club recognition awards, along with a myriad of smaller accolades. The quality and communication value of the Club’s magazine played no small part in that success and in 2022, Neville’s extraordinary contribution was recognised with a richly deserved Life Membership.
The magazine, an integral part of Sorrento's identity, will be sorely missed. But the legacy of Neville and Denise’s contribution will continue to resonate. Neville, ever humble, may insist the
magazine’s success was a team effort. Nonetheless, I am certain I speak for all members in thanking Neville and Denise for their outstanding contribution to our Club.
– Brian Lucas
Compliments
We received some very positive and kind comments about our 100th edition. Here are some:
√ We would like to thank you for your latest and 100th edition of the club magazine. We found it hilarious and informative and we had a good laugh reading it over breakfast
√ "Your magazine is so good, I showed it to my neighbour and he now wants to join Sorrento just for the laughs!"
√ Congratulations on an excellent magazine. I love reading the hard copy as my eyes are not so good.
√ "I read it twice, not because I had to, but because it was that good.
√ "Thank you for producing a magazine that’s the perfect combination of belly laughs and club banter – I’m nominating it for the Nobel Prize in Bowls Literature!"
√ "Reading your 100th edition gave me goose bumps – who knew a magazine could make me laugh and tear up all at once!"
Complaints Department
It didn’t take long for the 100th News Magazine to ruffle some feathers – our first complaint landed faster than a wrong bias careering into the ditch! The issue? Some articles were deemed “borderline and too close to the bone.” Naturally, we turned to Google to decipher this critique, because who can keep up with the ever-shifting boundaries of modern sensitivities?
According to Google, this kind of feedback typically comes from
those with an uncanny ability to detect offense where none was intended – let’s call them the guardians of evolving sensibilities.
These noble champions of inclusivity have perfected the art of transforming harmless puns, cheeky quips, and tongue-in-cheek jabs into opportunities for introspection, dialogue, and perhaps a workshop or two on cultural awareness.
Using ChatGPT's artificial intelligence ability we were able to identify possible articles they may have been offensive to this reader and we have listed the six possibles below together with a revised version which would perhaps cause less offense. Which version do you prefer? The Original or the Revised version? Here we go:
1.Topless Years Mention (Page 4):
Original: "There is, however, no sadness at the fading memories of the ‘topless years’ when topless ladies served at the bar three days a week."
Revised: There is, however, no sadness at the fading memories of some unconventional strategies employed in earlier years to attract patrons.
2. Open Gender Pennants Joke (Page 6):
Original: “I draw the line at floral prints and ruffles,” he declared. “Oh Jim, darling, no one was asking you to wear a frock. We were thinking more along the lines of a tasteful kaftan."
Revised: Jim, holding firm against floral tyranny, was reassured that a kaftan – practical, breezy, and woke-friendly – was the perfect compromise for a world where even your wardrobe must make a statement!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
3.Did You Know – Weight vs. Speed (Page 11):
Original: "Apparently, saying 'weight' could rub a few bowlers the wrong way... Next, they'll be telling us to say 'directionally enhanced' instead of 'wrong bias!"
Revised: Apparently, “weight” is now problematic, so we’re moving to “speed.” And while we’re at it, perhaps we’ll replace “wrong bias” with “directionally unique” to avoid offending the bowls!
4. Sarcastic Sledges (Page 22):
Original: "Your best two bowls were in the roll-up."
Revised: It seems your practice bowls set a very high standard for the rest of the game!
5.Philosophical Observations (Page 37):
Original: "If your crotch itches, you've already got it."
Revised: If your palm itches, you’re expecting something nice; if anything else itches, perhaps it’s time to check your laundry detergent!
6. True Origin of the Olympics Story (Page 61/62):
Original: About 2500 years ago, a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-off -a’-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name at that time. In those days, the events were quite raw, and the athletes competed without any form of clothing, as was the custom in ancient Greece. Gedophamee was mesmerized by the spectacle of naked, oiled men engaging in feats of strength and endurance. She found herself caught in the excitement of the crowd. At one point, in her native Sardinian accent, she exclaimed loudly, “Oh! Limp pricks” (pronounced "Olympics") referring to the state of the athletes between events.
The crowd misunderstood her words, thinking she was referring to the entire festival. The phrase caught on quickly, and as a result, the Greeks started referring to the event as the “Olympics.”
And so, thanks to Gedophamee’s offhand comment, the name stuck, and the festival has been known as the “Olympic Games.”
Revised: About 2500 years ago, Sardinian visitor Gedophamee attended an athletic festival in ancient Greece, where nude athletes symbolized equality and human beauty. Enthralled by the oiled, glistening competitors, she shouted an unfiltered exclamation in her dialect. The Greeks misheard her and adopted it as the festival's name. And so, thanks to Gedophamee’s boldness, the “Olympics” were born - a lasting celebration of strength, endurance, and cultural exchange.
Editor's Note
Over the years, articles in our news magazine have undergone rigorous scrutiny by our elite "Arbiters of Good Taste," supported by our dedicated "Borderline Spotter." All future complaints must be submitted to the new Editor's – Trevor and Anne Orton – in triplicate on the official club form, accompanied by a $20 processing fee. (Refunds available only if your complaint is considered to be funny)
Some More "Did You Hears" and "Did You Knows"
Did you hear that one of our bowlers, nicknamed "The Road Runner" (because his runs after his bowls) tells us that he has always been a runner? In his youth he spent a lot of time running after women and then having to run away from their husbands!
Did you hear that Jean McIntyre and Malcolm Gunner, passionate bowlers from Canberra, turned their love for the game into an epic retirement mission: visiting every bowling club in Australia? After two years they have managed to visit 500 clubs. With 2,400 clubs across Australia, they estimate another eight to nine years to complete the journey, aiming to finish before Jean turns 70. They document their travels, on their blog, sharing the unique culture, characters, and quirks of each club.
Did you hear that Ken Ockleford wants Sorrento to hold a competition to identify which of our members has the least number of ailments? Mike Dixon reckons we should start counting back from twenty like we do to help the Match Committee at Twilight bowls!
Did you hear that Greg Clements ordered a new club shirt with long sleeves? He then found that it was obscuring his biceps (so he tells us) so he took it to his tailor and got the sleeves shortened.
Did you hear what happened when "Little Larry"attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the milkman wants to buy Mom ....."
Did you know that in 2016 Brian Lucas documented the early history of our Club in a fascinating four-page article? This will serve as a valuable resource for Wendy Flack's proposed 2026 book which will commemorate our Club’s 50th Anniversary? Brian’s article, traces our Club’s journey from its origins as the Sorrento Sporting Club
(Inc) in 1973 to the establishment of the Bowling Club in 1976 on a re-purposed quarry. Treasure the past to celebrate the future!
Did you hear about the Doubleview bowler who was so cross about the bowl he had just delivered that he threw his hat down and without him noticing it had fallen over another bowl? He then gave his hat a massive kick and ended up with very sore and painful toes!
Did you know John Cleese once defined stupidity in a way that perfectly captures its irony? He said:
“The problem with people who are truly stupid is that they are too stupid to realise that they are stupid.”
This clever observation not only showcases Cleese’s sharp wit but also highlights a psychological phenomenon known as the DunningKruger Effect, where people with low ability overestimate their competence. Do we have any in our Club?
Did you hear that Saulie, with the help of Colin Cramond, was able to buy a dead bowler's bowls, for $200? Someone made the observation that it was an easy transaction as Saulie didn't need to haggle over the price.
Did you hear that Liz McTaggart was overheard, on the green, recommending the TV series Naked Attraction to her teammates? She said it was “fascinating viewing.” For those unfamiliar with this series it's a British dating game show. Contestants choose potential dates based on their completely naked bodies, revealed one section at a time from the feet upwards, while the chooser remains clothed.
As each round progresses, more of the contestants’ bodies are revealed, and one person is eliminated per round until only two remain. At the end, the chooser must also strip off before making their final choice. For members interested, this series can be viewed on Channel 9NOW! Is this something we could arrange one evening at Sorrento?
The Science of Condensed Milk
Over the last 17 years, as editor of our Club’s news magazine, I’m often asked how I got into writing. The question always makes me smile because my academic background is firmly rooted in maths and organic chemistry, not exactly the training ground for budding writers.
In truth, the only time I remember writing something significant was when I was about 16 years old. Our English teacher, known for his quirky assignments, asked us all to write an essay on "Cows". At first, I was stumped! What could I possibly say about cows? But then inspiration struck.
I decided to write about "how to get condensed milk from a cow!" I only wish I‘d kept the original essay! However, I’ve attempted to recreate what my essay might have covered:
Cows are marvellous creatures – big, calm, and utterly devoted to chewing grass. Most people think of them as simple milk producers, but I believe they hold the key to something far greater – condensed milk. Now, the process of obtaining condensed milk directly from a cow is not widely understood - probably because I've just invented it. But fear not! With a little ingenuity, some physics, and a cow willing to co-operate (or at least not protest too much), it’s entirely possible.
First, it’s important to get the cow in the right frame of mind. Feed it sweet treats like apples, sugar cubes, a hint of molasses, lactose, fat, carrageenan and Vitamin D. A contented cow, I’ve discovered, is far less likely to object to the next phase of the operation. This is where the true innovation lies.
To condense milk, you must encourage the milk to… well, condense! And what better way to achieve this than "by bouncing the cow?" Picture this: the cow is gently lifted (a sturdy trampoline works wonders here) and bounced up and down just enough to agitate the milk inside. With each bounce, the milk thickens ever so slightly, while the cow remains blissfully unaware of the scientific marvel occurring within.
After a few bounces, the milk is extracted in the usual manner. You might notice it’s already a bit thicker. Add a sprinkle of sugar for good measure, and voilà – homemade condensed milk! Some sceptics (like my English teacher) might argue that this method lacks practicality or scientific rigour. But I ask you, where would the world be without bold ideas and a willingness to bounce a cow or two?
And there you have it – the essay that marked the beginning of my writing journey. To my surprise (and delight), the teacher read my essay out to the class, and it was met with laughter and applause. That moment planted the seed for my love of storytelling, though it took decades before it fully blossomed.
Final Message from Your Editors
Denise and I are pleased that members, and our USA and Tasmanian readers, have enjoyed our magazine over the last 17 years.
"Bowls Meets Beethoven"
According to the dictionary, "to orchestrate" means to arrange or combine elements to achieve a desired or maximum effect. High-performing lawn bowls teams, much like an orchestra requires careful orchestration. Let’s explore the parallels. An orchestra is a large group of musicians playing together, divided into four sections – Strings, Brass, Woodwind, and Percussion.
Similarly, a lawn bowls team is normally composed of a Lead, a Second, a Third, and a Skipper. If we compare these groups, some striking similarities emerge. For example:
"Strings vs. Leads"
Strings often carry the melody and harmony, adding elegance and texture. In bowls, the Lead’s role might seem simple – set the jack and roll the first bowls but it’s anything but that!. The Lead is the team’s “surveyor’s theodolite,” setting the length, direction, and standard of play. They profoundly influence the melody and harmony of their team and opponents alike. Optimistic and accountable, Leads
play their bowls before anyone else can “ruin things” and can always claim, “We were only two down when I finished!”
"Brass vs. Seconds"
The brass section, known for its powerful, resonant sounds, commands attention in any orchestra. From the deep tones of the tuba to the piercing notes of trumpets and trombones, brass instruments provide critical depth and power. Similarly, the Second is the unsung hero of the bowls team. They step in when the Lead falters, building the head or fixing a wayward jack. If the Lead sends the jack into the gutter, the Second somehow draws a bowl within sniffing distance. They’re also the official scorekeeper – juggling diplomacy and math, a skill no bowler signs up for willingly. For a Lead or Second to play short is akin to the lead violinist poking the bassoonist in the eye.
"Woodwinds vs. Thirds"
Often overlooked, the woodwinds add richness, texture, and subtlety to an orchestra. When arranged well, their harmonies can melt hearts. In bowls, the Third is part strategist, part therapist. They assist the Skipper with tactics, measure distances, and provide constant encouragement. “Nice try” is their go-to phrase, even when a bowl ends up closer to the car park than the jack. They are also a crucial buffer, ensuring the Skipper’s temper stays in check after a wrong bias or missed opportunity.
"Percussion vs. Skippers"
Percussion provides rhythm, drive, and accents, transforming music from dull to dynamic. Enter the Skipper – the team’s leader and ultimate decision-maker. The Skipper shouts instructions, waves their arms like an air traffic controller, and takes the blame for everything (even when it’s not their fault). Their bowls are just a small part of their influence. They define the strategy, game plan, and mood, guiding the team with leadership and motivation.
Harmony on the Green
So, what do a lawn bowls team and an orchestra have in common? Both need every member working in harmony to perform at their best. Playing bowls – or Beethoven – with a reduced line-up is like baking a pavlova without eggs: it just doesn’t work. Whether you’re on the green or in the concert hall, every role is essential.
So next time you’re out there, remember: the Lead’s your Strings, the Seconds your Brass, the Third’s your Woodwind, and the Skipper’s your Percussion. Together, you form an orchestra of precision, strategy, and camaraderie. Play in harmony, and take a well-deserved bow!
Mentoring Potential Bowlers
Atthe heart of every successful bowls club lies a tradition of shared knowledge. Our experience bowlers, like Graeme O'Brien, bring more than just skill to the green they embody the spirit of the game, with a treasure trove of experience and a lifetime of wisdom. By mentoring new members, they ensure the future of our beloved sport remains vibrant, competitive, and welcoming.
Whether it’s perfecting a delivery, reading the green, or simply understanding the etiquette of bowls, the guidance of experienced players is invaluable. Graeme has been helping and mentoring potential bowlers for a number of years and currently has 11 new bowlers in his group.
As a result of his efforts, his trainees have progressed from being
recreational bowlers to participating in social and community bowls. Two from the current group are now playing Pennants.
Thank you Graeme. Your mentorship is appreciated by all your trainees.
– Neville Odell
Time For A Little Laugh
A prospective husband in a book store asked: “Do you have a book called Husband – the Master of the House?" Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”
Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an antidepression pill you need a proper prescription. Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough!"
A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water and Mother Teresa.
There are three kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make Wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see Wonders happen. Rest get married and wonder what happened!
Why do women live a Better, Longer and Peaceful Life, compared to men? A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!
"Bowls,
Banter, and a Dash of Wisdom"
Lifeat the Sorrento Bowling Club gets better with age – just like fine wine and our members’ wisdom. Here are a few gems of humour to remind us that aging can be as much about laughter as bowls: Remember when you couldn't wait to grow up? Well, here we are: no school, no work, and a monthly allowance! Plus, a driver's license, our own pad, and no curfews. Who said being a teenager at heart couldn't be fun?
√ Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now, they drink like their fathers – and we applaud their multitasking
√ Speaking of fitness, I didn’t make it to the gym… for the fifth year in a row. But it’s not all bad – I renamed my bathroom “The Jim,” so now I proudly say, “I went to 'The Jim' this morning!”
√ Old age may be sneaking up on us, but who needs toe-touching when wisdom highlights are in style?
√ Nap time once felt like a punishment! Now? It’s a mini vacation
√ And about that memory? The biggest lie we tell ourselves: “I don’t need to write that down; I’ll remember it.”
√ At our Club, we often find ourselves sharing "expert advice" with ourselves or wondering what "Getting Lucky" means these days (hint: it involves remembering why we walked into a room).
So, if you spot a member who has more friends than names they can recall or someone with a horn that sounds like gunshots, don’t worry. That’s just another day of fun, camaraderie and, of course, bowls at Sorrento!
A Long-Term Volunteer – John Godfrey
Onbehalf of the members of the Sorrento Bowling Club, I would like to celebrate and express our heartfelt thanks to one of our most dedicated and long-standing volunteers, John Godfrey. John has been an integral part of our Club for an incredible 33 years, continuously demonstrating unwavering support and enthusiasm for all our activities. His commitment to the Club is truly inspiring.
In 2015, John was appointed Men's Captain and served with distinction for five years. After a short break, he once again stepped up to the role for the 2024/25 season, a testament to his enduring dedication.
Having had the privilege of serving alongside him as Secretary on numerous occasions, I can personally vouch for John’s fair and even-handed approach. His ability to inspire and motivate committee members to tackle their responsibilities with enthusiasm has always been deeply appreciated.
John’s contributions extend far beyond governance. He has been a significant business supporter of the Club, offering financial expertise and encouraging talented bowlers to join our ranks, thereby strengthening our playing groups. Even when not actively bowling himself, John took on the demanding role of managing our First Division side for several years, performing this task with dedication and care.
On a personal note, John’s encouragement played a pivotal role
in broadening my coaching services to include women bowlers, fostering inclusivity and strengthening the Club’s community spirit.
John’s presence is felt everywhere at the Club. He has spent countless Fridays assisting with the Chase the Joker fund-raiser, cheerfully dedicating his time to this important initiative. He has also played a key role on financial subcommittees and in many other Club activities. For years, John has been our trusted “Uniform Tzar,” and over the past year, he has worked closely with Wendy to ensure all members are outfitted in our stunning new shirts.
John embodies the spirit of the Sorrento Bowling Club through his selflessness, dedication, and unwavering commitment to the welfare of others. He is a valued and beloved member of our community and a role model who inspires generations of bowlers.
He has always been good bowler and for many years has been part of the so-called "Dream Team" with Wayne, Murray and Glenn. When someone was unavailable Ray Green or Trish Cunningham took his spot as Lead in this "All-Star" and "Best-of-the Best" bowling team!
It is therefore with immense pride and gratitude that we acknowledge John for his exceptional contributions to our Club. Thank you, John, for your steadfast support, leadership, and generosity. You continue to leave an indelible mark on our Club, and we are all the better for having you among us.
– Graeme Whitehorn – Life Member.
A Memory from the Past
These gravestones were photographed by Ron Burroughs, when he was walking at Pinnaroo Cemetery and found this tribute to Graeme and Nellie Heard. Their dedication to our Club will never be forgotten. Graeme, a Life Member, was a patient coach and mentor to countless bowlers, while Nellie’s tireless voluntary work brought warmth and support to our community. Together, they left an indelible mark on our Club and will always be in our hearts.
Croquet Committee
Since 1997, when Geoff Bloemfield set up the Sorrento Croquet Club, we have been most fortunate to have had many willing hands to contribute to our on-going success. Three ladies, Judith Skeet, Kerry Bomford and Di McGivern, in particular, have played significant roles.
Judith Skeet
Judith spent two years as the Vice-Captain, followed by another four years as Captain. She introduced a number of new players to the sport and spent many hours helping them to improve their skills. Being a trained medical nurse, she ensured that any risks to the Health and Safety of members throughout the Sorrento Bowling Club were minimised. She also ensured that a Heart Resuscitation unit was installed in the Club and that volunteer
members were properly trained in its use by inviting members of St John’s Ambulance Team to carry out such training. She was successful in having a formal First Aid Room allocated within the Club House. That area (immediately on the right of the entry doors) was later used to extend the area currently used by the Dart players.
Kerry Bomford
Kerry diligently supported Judith’s “reign” as Captain as the Secretary of the Committee. In this role, she played a significant part in helping to determine the direction of the Croquet section; and eventually taking over as Captain - a position she held for a total of five years before handing over the reins to Di McGivern when caring for her husband Frank (aka “Bomber”) who was undergoing significant medical treatments and challenges, and also assuming her new role as “Granny”. She was sorely missed by the croquet players when she eventually resigned as a member of the club.
Di McGivern
Di “cut her teeth” by initially serving on the Committee as an ordinary member, and then taking on the role of Captain in 2015/16. She continued to serve on the Committee and then spent another two years as Captain before handing over the reins to the current Captain, Terry Craddock, in 2022/23 for personal reasons. Di helped to bring SCC to the attention of Croquet-west by accepting the role of Vice President of that organisation; and also hosting a few National competitions at our Club. Through these associations, Di qualified as a Level 1 and Level 2 Coach and became the WA State Coaching
Coordinator for three years, when she held a number of Coaching Accreditation Courses; and attended a State Coordinators Conference in Adelaide. She also qualified as a Golf Croquet Referee and has refereed a number of State and National matches.
Our Volunteers
Members of our Croquet section have spent many hours carrying out voluntary work, from making sandwiches for the Men’s Pennants bowlers, preparing salads for Community Bowls sessions, assisting the Lady Bowlers at some of their major functions such as Melbourne Cup, Ladies Day and Opening Day. Rose Gannaway is a regular, and well-liked, volunteer who puts her hand up to help whenever needed – she is the very popular “coffee machine maintenance engineer” and seller of Friday Night stars! To name every croquet member who has volunteered to help the Club would be an impossible task, but we take this opportunity to thank each and every one of them and encourage them to continue their invaluable efforts into the future.
The Shared Aims of the Croquet Club
The complex challenge for any croquet club is well captured by the Strategic Mission of the Noosa Croquet Club; which is duly modified below to reflect the overall aims of the Sorrento Club:
√ To provide opportunities for players at all levels of skill, from beginners to experienced players,
√ To enjoy the different codes of the game of croquet at a club that is renowned for the quality of its outstanding facilities; combined with friendliness, support, and the hospitality of its social environment.
√ Taken together, these elements represent what is perhaps best described as the club’s culture with prominence given to the concept of a ‘duty of care’ for each member given by all other members.
√ The aim is for everyone to feel that they are part of, and actively contribute to, this culture of an inclusive community of people united in their love of the sport, irrespective of their primary motivation to play socially or to compete in formal competitions and tournaments.
√ Competitions are held both within the club, including club championships; as well as between other clubs within the region.
Golf Croquet
Golf Croquet is but one of three different codes of the game – the other two being Association Croquet (the original version); and Ricochet Croquet. Ironically Golf croquet bears little resemblance to the game of golf itself, beyond the shared aims of hitting a ball with a stick (a mallet in croquet versus a club in golf) and achieving a specific target to score (running a hoop in croquet versus sinking a putt in golf).
It is, of course, much more complicated than that not least because in Golf Croquet the essential hazard is not a bunker or a lake of water, but your competitors who have licence to hit your ball out of the way with one of theirs.
In Conclusion
Thanks to Paul Ramsey for this lovely photo. Finally remember Croquet has been described as a mix between chess and billiards played on immaculately groomed grass lawns with a touch of both golf and lawn bowls thrown in.
– Di McGivern
Health and Safety at our Club
The top priority at our Club isn’t just winning games – it’s ensuring a enjoyable and safe environment for all our members, guests, volunteers and staff. Everyone has a right to be safe while enjoying the facilities of our Club in any capacity, including the paid employees, volunteers, members and visitors. If you see anything dangerous please contact me on 047 555 5288
Also, under the new and current Workplace Health & Safety (WHS) laws, sporting organisations and clubs that employ paid workers need to take new actions to comply with the WHS Act and their state and territory Codes of Conduct and Regulations.
Failure to comply potentially exposes the club to significant fines and penalties that could financially ruin the club.
Our Governing Council takes OH&S seriously. Some of our members may not be aware of the background actions that they have supported to improve our WHS Compliance. These are:
* Changes to the way chemicals (Grounds & Bar) are stored, handled and documented
* Bringing our Electrical test & Tagging of appliances up to date
* Purchasing of Safety and Out of Service signs
* Review of staff consultation of safety matters
* Process of recording and review of hazards and incidents by the Governing Council
* Regular safety audits
Emergency Equipment
Our Club is equipped with essential emergency equipment, including First Aid Kits and a Defibrillator located in the Club House. The defibrillator is simple to use and can provide critical assistance in the event of cardiac emergency. Members are encouraged to familiarise themselves with its location and operation. Training sessions are also offered on it’s use, so consider attending one, you never know when you may have to use it and it may save the life of one of your bowling buddies, as it has done in the past.
We also have a wheelchair available for emergencies or for assisting those who may struggle to move across the green. If you see someone looking unsteady or in discomfort, don’t hesitate to offer help or notify a committee member.
Preventing Common Injuries
• Slips and Trips – Be mindful of your surroundings, don’t step backward off the mat, store bowling bags and equipment neatly and out of walkways. If you notice a trip hazard (e.g.: raised edge on a sprinkler box) report it. Don’t leave it until someone has an accident.
• Sun and Heat – Hats, sunscreen and hydration are key to avoid heat stress and sunburn, especially in our hot Perth summer. Sunscreen is provided by our Club and available in change rooms.
• Lifting and Carrying – Lift with your legs and not your back. If you are lifting something heavy or awkward don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are plenty of members willing and able to provide assistance.
A Team Effort
At Sorrento Bowling Club not only do we bowl for a team, we also have to act as a team to ensure we are looking after the Health and Safety and each other. By keeping an eye out for each other we can ensure that Sorrento Bowling Club remains a welcoming, safe space for all to enjoy.
– Brian English
Match Committee Reports
Thesehave been shortened a bit as the full results are now being covered extensively in the weekly newsletter.
Men's 100-Up
In the semi-finals Ian Linford defeated Brian English while Rhett Butler defeated Jan Konig. The final between Ian and Rhett, was postponed due to deteriorating weather and was eventually played in a closely contested match. After being tied 50-all at the halfway mark, Ian showcased excellent draw bowling in the latter stages, steadily pulling ahead to claim victory with a final score of 100-80.
Men's 2nd Division and Under Singles
The first semi finals, between Brad Marshall and Trevor Orton was over fairly quickly with Trevor showing good form to win 21-4. In the other semi between Bob Jeffs and Ross Porteous saw a hard fought first 8 ends with the score 5-4 to Ross. Ross went on to win 21-12. In the final between Ross and Trevor the lead changed numerous times but Ross took his opportunity at 18-17, putting together 2 ends of great draw bowling to win 21-17.
Women's Pairs
The semi-finals were closely contested. Larraine Brickell and Jan Goddard faced Jan Cook and Liz Marshall in a thrilling match that was tied 15-15 on the second-last end. Larraine delivered a perfect final bowl to secure a 1-shot victory. In the other semi-final, Sandy Everest and Wendy Saul battled Kerry Hutchinson and Coral Smith and tied 10-10 on the 14th end, Sandy and Wendy gained a 4-shot lead over the next ends. Despite a late surge from the Hutchinson team, they fell short 14-13. In the final, Sandy and Wendy dominated from the start, overwhelming Larraine and Jan to win 25-7.
Men's Pairs
In the first semi-final, Bruce Eagles and Simon Deering dominated early, leading Rick Hutchinson and Peter Auguston 18-2 after seven ends. Rick and Peter staged a strong comeback, narrowing the gap to 20-18 by the 16th end, but Bruce and Simon held on to win 2118. The second semi was a tighter affair early on, with Peter Morgan and Ross Cunningham leading Gary Bobridge and Trevor Orton 8-5. Peter and Ross then pulled away, scoring multiples to secure a 21-8 victory. In the final Peter and Ross surged ahead to a 17-5 lead but Bruce and Simon fought back and went into the last end leading 2219. Peter and Ross delivered under pressure, drawing four shots to clinch a thrilling 23-22 win.
– Thanks to our Match Committees
Over 60s State Triples
This year’s tournament showcased incredible talent and determination, with Bruce Eagles, Peter Flack, and Greg Taylor emerging victorious. Their latest win added to an already illustrious record, having previously triumphed in this prestigious event.
Bits and Pieces
Steve, Paul, Brian, Dan and Barry. Note: There are no beers on the counter?
An interesting T-shirt!
Pauline and Jan many years ago!
Did you know that out of the millions of creatures on earth, humans are only one of three species capable of laughter, the other two being chimpanzees and rats!
Trevor Orton's 70th birthday celebration
A pirate party at our Club
The team sealed their victory in the grand final with a hardfought 15-11 win over Chris Margin, Neville Stevens, and Garry Booker in a match that kept the crowd on the edge of their seats. This win cements Bruce, Peter and Greg’s place among the greats of the Over 60s WA Men’s Triples.
Their ability to perform under pressure and maintain their composure in tight matches exemplifies their skill and experience.
Words of Wisdom from ChatGPT
(A bit of artificial intelligence)
1. "You need to concentrate on concentrating!" In lawn bowls, focus isn’t just a skill - it’s a game-changer. Precision and mental clarity are the keys to delivering that perfect bowl. Even the slightest distraction can send your shot astray. So next time you step onto the green, remember: the most important thing to focus on… is focusing!
2. "The jack may be small, but it holds the power to change the game."
Never underestimate the importance of the target. A small adjustment in aim or weight can make all the difference between victory and defeat.
3. "A calm mind delivers a steady hand." When the pressure mounts, staying composed is the secret to
consistent performance. Control your thoughts, and your bowl will follow suit!
4. "Every bowl is a new beginning."
No matter how your last shot went, the next one is always a fresh chance to turn the game around. Stay optimistic and keep rolling forward.
5."The ditch is there to remind us of boundaries, not to test them." While it’s tempting to play boldly, a measured approach often wins the day. Know your limits, play within them, and success will follow.
Breaking Records or Breaking Backs?
It started innocently enough: a friendly conversation at the Sorrento Bowling Club about who’s bowled the most in one day. One of our dedicated lady bowlers proudly declared she’d put down over 200 bowls in a single day of competition.
Not to be outdone, one of the men quickly piped up, boasting that he’d managed 270 bowls during a gruelling Men’s competition. Naturally, the question arose – what’s the world record for bowls in a day?
This innocent inquiry spiralled into a full-fledged investigation (with calculators in hand) to determine just how many bowls a person could reasonably deliver in one day.
Turns out, if you’re bowling for 24 hours straight (because, really, who needs sleep when you’ve got a record to break?), you might deliver a whopping 2,400 bowls. That’s assuming you’re spending
85% of your time actively bowling and taking about 30 seconds per bowl.
But let’s be real here: who has the stamina – or the knees – for 24 hours? So, we scaled it down to a more reasonable 8-hour day. Drum roll, please: you could theoretically send down 816 bowls in an 8-hour marathon. That’s enough to make any bowling arm quiver in fear. Of course, if fatigue sets in and you slow to a more leisurely 40 seconds per bowl, you might “only” manage 612 bowls - still an impressive feat!
Naturally, this all got us thinking. If we hosted a Sorrento Bowl-athon, what might we see? Could our members break these theoretical limits? Would we need to hire a team of chiropractors and massage therapists on standby? Would the green survive the onslaught of relentless bowl after bowl?
And most importantly, what would the bragging rights be worth? A golden bowl trophy? Eternal respect? Or perhaps just the right to sit out the next club's clean-up day? In the end, whether you’ve bowled 200, 270, or 816 bowls, in a day, one thing’s for certain: lawn bowlers are a special breed of determined, slightly masochistic athletes.
And we wouldn’t have it any other way. So next time you’re on the green, remember - every bowl counts, but maybe don’t aim for 800 unless you’ve stocked up on ibuprofen!
– Neville Odell
Pearls of Wisdom
• It’s been months since I ordered the book "How to Scam People On-line". It still hasn’t arrived.
• If you get a red wine stain on your carpet, grab some white wine and drink it until you don’t care anymore.
• One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
• Even rarer than a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can’t stand the sight of money.
• My wife and I decided never to go to bed angry. We’ve been awake since Tuesday.
• Being old means you don’t care where your spouse goes, as long as you don’t have to go too.
• At a wedding reception, someone yelled, “All married people, please stand next to the one person who’s made your life worth living!” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
• I met my wife at a singles’ night. I was surprised - she was supposed to be home with the kids.
• I want someone I can share my entire life with... who will leave me alone most of the time.
• Yesterday, I bought a world map, handed my wife a dart, and said, “Throw this, and wherever it lands, we’ll go on vacation.” We’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.
"2025 New Year Resolutions"
New Year’s resolutions are a lot like that first bowl of the season – you start off full of hope but somehow you end up in the ditch or three metres short. By mid-January, the gym is a distant memory, the salad leaves have wilted in the fridge, and you’re back to
convincing yourself that tomorrow is the perfect day to start afresh. But hey, resolutions aren’t about perfection – they’re about having a good laugh! These may help you from becoming a grumpy old person! After much deliberation (and by that, I mean a few beers and a bag of popcorn), here’s what I came up with for your consideration:
Roll More, Moan Less
This year, channel your inner Zen and perfect your roll - no more blaming the green, the wind, or even last night’s dodgy curry for your less-than-stellar shots.
Practice… Occasionally
Peel yourself off the couch at least once a month for an extra practice session. Surely, even you can manage that much dedication.
Recruit Fresh Faces
Convince a mate to join the club. Bribes of coffee, beer, or biscuits are absolutely on the table. Bonus points if they actually stick around after their first game.
Upgrade Your Kit
Finally splurge on that fancy bowls bag that you have been eyeing. If you are going to play like a pro, you might as well look the part.
Applaud More, Grumble Less
When my opponent delivers a brilliant shot, applaud graciously… while silently plotting the ultimate comeback.
Master the Art of the Poker Face
When your bowl veers off into the ditch, perfect a serene, knowing smile - like I totally meant for that to happen.
Respect the Green
Treat the green with the reverence it deserves. No stomping, sulking, or attacks with your foot - except in moments of extreme frustration.
Dominate Every Surface
Whether it’s lush slow grass green or a super fast synthetic green adapt like a true champion!
Be the Green’s MVP (Most Valuable Personality)
Sprinkle compliments and smiles like confetti, even when your teammates’ shots are… let’s say “unconventional”.
Say Yes to Everything
Raffles, sausage sizzles, Melbourne Cup Day, Anzac Day etc.
Laugh at Misfires and Drives
Missed the jack by a mile? Ended up in the ditch? Perfect – more fodder for the post-game banter at the bar.
Spread the Lawn Bowls Gospel
Tell anyone who’ll listen – neighbours, dentist, baristas even the postie about the joys of lawn bowls. Extra points if you drag them along and sign them up.
Here’s to a year of camaraderie, competition, and plenty of laughs on the green. Bring it on,
– Neville Odell
Always Wear Underwear...
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From a local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to the shopping centre, only to have their
car break down in the car park. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward and quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
The R.A.C.Q. Mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his –forehead.
– Trevor Orton
Funny Things Skippers Say
Skipper on our new synthetic green:
Skipper: “You need to take more plastic.”
Third: “And I’ll just grab some Velcro while I’m at it!”
Skipper giving directions:
Skipper: “It would be nice if you could put one back here.”
(His Third tries his best but it’s still short!)
Skipper: “It would still be nice back here.”
Third: “And it’d be nice if you could bowl it yourself!” OK! But you still have to bowl – remember!
Skipper giving advice:
Third: “How short was my FIRST bowl?”
Skipper: “One metre.”
Third: “How short is MY shot bowl?”
Skipper: “One foot.”
Third: “So you’re saying I’m consistently inconsistent or just trying to confuse me?”
Skipper giving more advice:
Skipper: “Your last bowl was three feet past the jack! Try and drop a metre.”
Third: “I’m confused!”
Skipper: “Join the club.”
Third: “Isn’t that why I’m here?”
When the green’s tricky:
Skipper: “It’s running faster than my mother-in-law after free bingo tickets!”
Third: “What on earth? Is she available for coaching?”
Skipper giving questionable wisdom:
Skipper: “Just picture the jack as your ex and aim right for it!”
Third: “That’ll explain why I’m throwing it in the ditch.”
On windy days:
Skipper: “Aim at the tree on the left and hope the wind’s feeling kind!”
Third: “If it’s not, I’ll just blame you.”
Encouragement with a twist:
Skipper: “You’re narrowing in… only two more like that and you might hit the right line!”
Third: “Or maybe I’ll just take up knitting instead.”
The inevitable reality check:
Skipper: “Remember, it’s just a game… unless we lose, and then it’s your fault!”
Third: “Good to know where I stand in the blame hierarchy!”
– Barry Stewart
Darts Report
Gordon Penny proved the star of the Dart Club’s 2024 winner season, winning the Club singles and teaming up with Seth Drummond-Hay to win the Club pairs. Seth, in his second season with the Club also won the “most improved” trophy.
While no Association championships were collected, our dart teams proved competitive, and our newer players continue to develop their skills. Importantly, we all enjoyed the season, celebrating with our end-of-season wind-up at the Club.
Sorrento play in two separate competitions. Blue Water Darts
Association comprising predominately clubs located along the coast. Competition is played Tuesday nights. The winter and summer seasons of around 18 weeks enable players to play all year round, should they choose to play both competitions. The Bowling Club association plays a winter competition only, to facilitate Pennant bowlers, and plays on Thursday nights.
Gordon Penny also picked up the highest average most pegs trophies
for B2 division (49.32 and 17 respectively), sharing the most pegs with Davindra Chavda. Dav also got the highest peg with 111. Spider Webb picked up the daily double for B1, scoring the highest average with 49.65 and 36 pegs. Highest peg for B1 went to Stuart Davie with 103.
Our Dart club started operating shortly after the Club opened its doors in 1976 and has enjoyed great success over the years. We are looking for new players. Experience and ability are not important as teams are placed in competitions that match their darts background. If you are interested, please contact me on hlatham89@hotmail.com
– Helen Latham: President SBC Dart Club
Answers to Quiz in 100th Edition
Who worked for the Post Office in 2010 delivering letters on a 80cc motor bike and whose sister is a better bowler than he is? Brian Staples
Which of our members wanted to be a Nun when she was at school and who now plays bridge at a "National Master" level? Lee Leach
Which husband and wife call each other "Sam"? Ross and Trish
Some Billy Connolly Words of Wisdom
• ‘Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you have his shoes.’
• ‘Bonnie Prince Charlie was the only man ever named after three sheepdogs’.
• ‘Who discovered we could get milk from cows and what did he think he was doing at the time?’
– Thanks to Brian Cuthbert for the above
Bowls WA Vice Presidency Caps
Brilliant Career For Wendy
Having grown up in a cricketing environment Wendy Flack certainly knows the value of a good all-rounder.
Wendy’s love of Test cricket, in particular, can be traced back to the WA wheatbelt town of Corrigin where she was born in 1963. Also growing up in Corrigin , where his father ran a store, was Terry Jenner, a troubled but enormously talented leg-spinner who went on to take 24 wickets in nine Tests.
After living in far flung places such as Esperance, Wongan Hills, Geraldton, Morawa and back to Corrigin after marrying, Wendy began her bowls journey at Sorrento, after her husband and club heavyweight Peter made the switch from Wanneroo, by winning our Club’s Ladies Novice Singles Championship. Then in pretty rapid succession Wendy made it into Sorrento’s 3rd and 2nd Division teams on Tuesdays as a Lead and Second followed by promotion to Sorrento’s Premier Division squad.
But it has been Wendy’s off-field achievements that have qualified her as an all-rounder of the highest order, the culmination being recently through her appointment to the prestigious position of Vice President of Bowls WA. Head Office may not yet quite realise
the full extent of Wendy’s amazing talent, energy and vision. But we at Sorrento have been aware of her general skills, warmth and boundless versatility for quite some time now.
The diversity of the roles Wendy has filled at Sorrento is simply unparalleled. Difficult jobs like keeping our website going, standing in as treasurer during difficult and nasty times and organising multiple and varied events.
But the task of refreshing Sorrento’s image on the bowling green through the introduction of new shirts would have been like climbing Mt Everest for just about everyone else. But not Wendy, who was met by stubbornness and apathy along the way before reaching the summit with the support of our generous sponsors Ray Green and Barry Bradshaw.
But while Bowls WA has gained a huge asset, Wendy’s heart will always remain at Sorrento both on the green in the competitive climate of Premier Division and back in the clubhouse where her allround sincerity and compassion is guaranteed never to wane. We are so proud of you, Wendy.
–Jim Woodward
Discover the New Sorrento Website!
Our new website is live, and it’s better than ever! Designed to offer a seamless and enjoyable experience, the site is packed with features to attract new prospective members and keep current members informed. Here’s why you should check it out today:
Sleek Modern Design with Easy Navigation
The website’s modern, clean layout makes finding information a
breeze. The top navigation bar provides quick access to key sections such as Membership, Functions, Bowls, Croquet, Sponsors and Darts. Everything you need is just a click away.
Exciting Features
• Homepage Highlights: Stay up to date with upcoming events and announcements. The welcoming homepage captures the vibrant spirit of our Club.
• Membership Info: Explore various membership options tailored for everyone, from social enthusiasts to competitive Bowlers, Croquet and Darts players. As a member, you’ll not only have access to top-notch bowling and croquet facilities, but also enjoy a host of benefits and social events throughout the year.
• Participation: Learn about our bowls, croquet, and darts offerings, with details on both social and competitive play for all skill levels.
• Function Bookings: Planning an event? The perfect venue for your next function, discover how our excellent facilities can cater to your celebrations or workplace functions.
• Sponsors: Sorrento is fortunate to have a wide range of sponsors who offer members their products and services at competitive prices. Importantly, members will be dealing with a business who supports our Club and local community.
Community Connection
More than just a bowling club, we pride ourselves on being a community-focused, not-for-profit club, proud of our past and excited for the future. The website emphasizes our strong sense of community with easy access to Club newsletters, information
booklets, and fixture schedules. Whether you’re a long-time member or new to the Club, our website ensures you stay in the loop.
Special Thanks
A huge thank you to Wendy Flack and Denis Croker for their fantastic work in upgrading the website, and to our new webmaster Ray Sutton for keeping everything running smoothly. Your efforts are truly appreciated by all members of the Club.
Why Visit Our Website?
• Stay Informed: Never miss an event or activity.
• Get Involved: Find out how to join and make the most of your membership. Membership - Sorrento Bowling Club
• Celebrate With Us: Book our versatile venue for your next gathering.
Functions - Sorrento Bowling Club
Check it out today at sorrentobowlingclub.com.au
Discover everything our Club has to offer and experience the convenience of the updated site firsthand.
Let’s keep the Sorrento Bowling Club community thriving whether you’re rolling up for a casual game, enjoying live entertainment, or simply unwinding with friends and family, there’s something for everyone here.
– Neville Odell
Special Thanks to All Our Selectors –
Both Past and Present
In past editions of our magazine, we've often been quick to criticise our Selectors. But as another season comes to a close, it's time to shift gears and express our heartfelt gratitude to the real unsung heroes of our Club – our Selectors. These champions of patience, diplomacy, and unwavering perseverance deserve more than just a round of applause; they deserve our deepest appreciation for their tireless efforts and steadfast dedication to keeping the game running smoothly.
Let’s face it – bowls selection is not just a task; it’s an art form, a Herculean challenge that has stumped even the greatest minds. If there were a perfect guide to bowls selection, we’d have snapped it up faster than a Friday night raffle ticket.
History offers no answers either, despite Socrates’ rumoured “Socrates Guide for Bowls Selection” and Nostradamus’ ambitious but flawed “The Perfection of Bowls Selection.” Even Donald Trump, after declaring mastery over world peace and poverty would likely throw up his hands in defeat at this task.
But our Selectors? They’ve braved this uncharted territory with courage and grace, week after week. Whether juggling last-minute unavailability lists that could rival a small novel or managing team dynamics with the finesse of a seasoned diplomat, they’ve kept our Club rolling smoothly – both on and off the greens.
Take, for instance, the infamous week when 26 members were
unavailable, forcing Selectors to reshuffle 32 rinks. The number of possible permutations? A mind-boggling 10,518,300,000,000,000. Yes, that’s ten quadrillion, five hundred eighteen trillion, and three hundred billion.
And if you think arranging a team of four is easy, consider these possibilities. Assume we have A,B,C and D in a team. These four can be arranged as follows:
Twenty-four possibilities for one team! Now multiply that by the number of rinks, skill levels, personalities, and, of course, the inevitable "dummy spitters" and the "sick, lame, and lazy." Yet, our Selectors never faltered, proving that they’re not just selectors – they’re miracle workers.
This season, however, brought challenges that even the most dedicated could not endure. Three out of our five male selectors resigned halfway through the season, having had enough of the relentless complaints and criticisms. Their departure leaves a void, a stark reminder of the immense pressure and thankless nature of this vital role. It’s a sobering thought that these dedicated individuals, who gave so much, were ultimately driven away by the very community they sought to serve.
Some of the creative excuses we heard were:
√ “My knee hasn’t been the same since 1983.”
√ “The dog ate my afternoon tea.”
√ “My grand-nephew’s budgie has a doctor’s appointment.”
√ “I pulled a muscle sneezing this morning.” (Hay fever strikes)
√ “I will not play at Merriwa; the greens are too fast.”
√ “My wife says I’m only allowed to play on Thursdays.”
√ "I won't play if it's too hot"
A greenkeeper was once asked if he had many complaints from members about the speed of the green. He said his first question was: "Did you win or lose?" He noted that 90% of the time, the complainer had lost their game and was simply looking for someone or something to blame.
Maybe our Selectors should consider asking the same question when faced with criticism. It’s worth noting that most complaints come from members who have never served as a Selector and therefore don’t fully understand the complexities involved in this role when it comes to the clowns and cry babies!
Selectors, you’ve once again navigated the complexities of skill levels, availability, and personalities with grace and determination. Your efforts have kept the vibrant spirit of our Club alive and thriving. To those members who criticised or questioned your decisions, we say this: “ Step into the Selectors’ shoes next season and experience first-hand the juggling act it requires”. It’s an education in patience, diplomacy, and perhaps a touch of madness!
To all our Selectors, both past and present, we owe you a debt of gratitude that words can scarcely convey. Your work hasn’t gone unnoticed. You’ve done an outstanding job keeping our teams competitive, our spirits high, and our love for the game alive. As the season ends, we hope you find time to relax and recharge.
–The Members of Sorrento Bowling Club
Unfortunate Place Names in Australia
1. Bald Knob (QLD) – its name might make you question your hairstyle choices.
2. Booby Island (QLD) – A remote island in the Torres Strait, named after its bird inhabitants, not the other thing you're thinking.
3. Eggs and Bacon Bay (TAS) – A breakfast-lover’s paradise in name.
4. Humpty Doo (NT) – A town with a name so fun, it feels like an open invitation to visit.
5. Loos (SA) – A locality whose name inevitably makes everyone think of public toilets.
6. Mamungkukumpurangkuntjunya Hill (SA) – A tonguetwister of a hill whose name means "where the devil urinates" in Pitjantjatjara.
7. Mossy Nipple Bend (TAS) – A scenic feature whose name is both descriptive and oddly charming.
8. Peculiar Knob (SA) – A mining site with a name that perfectly sums up its odd allure.
9. Tittybong (VIC) – A small locality whose name is just quirky enough to spark endless curiosity.
– Denis Croker
The Art of Coarse Bowls
CENSORED
Michael Green, the celebrated British journalist and humourist, delighted readers with his iconic “The Art of Course ..........” series. He produced 15 "Coarse" books on subjects ranging from gardening to sex. The series sold millions of copies and remained in print for 30 years. These books hilariously explored the quirks and mishaps of amateur enthusiasts –those who approached activities with boundless enthusiasm and questionable skill. Green’s “coarse” participants weren’t crude in language, but wonderfully unrefined in execution, turning every pastime into an unintended comedy. Some of his delightful books are:
1. The Art of Coarse Rugby (1960): A side-splitting take on amateur rugby and its overzealous players.
2. The Art of Coarse Sailing (1962): Chronicling the misadventures of sailors who spend more time floundering than floating.
3. The Art of Coarse Acting (1964): A satirical guide to upstaging and unintentional havoc in amateur theatre.
4. The Art of Coarse Sport (1965): Exploring the many ways amateur sports can go gloriously awry.
5. The Art of Coarse Golf (1968): A funny and relatable account of golfing with more enthusiasm than accuracy.
6. The Art of Coarse Moving (1969): Turning the challenges of moving house into comedic gold.
7. The Art of Coarse Drinking (1973): A witty look at the trials and tribulations of social drinking.
8. The Art of Coarse Cruising (1976): Celebrating the misadventures of amateur sailors on extended voyages.
9. The Art of Coarse Sex (1980): A humorous exploration of the ups and downs of romantic relationships.
10. The Art of Coarse Office Life (1985): A laugh-out-loud take on navigating the absurdities of office environments.
Sadly, Green who died in 2018, never turned his pen to the world of bowls. But in his honour, we’ve imagined an extract from what The Art of Coarse Bowls might have looked like.
THE ART OF COARSE BOWLS (2024) A REBELLIOUS,RIOTOUS ROMP AND ROLL
An extract from this 2024 book
Tothe untrained eye, lawn bowls appears as a tranquil pastime. However, the advent of the so-called “coarse bowler” shatters this illusion, turning the green into a playground of audacious deliveries, boisterous banter, and spirited mischief.
The "Coarse Bowler" knows lawn bowls isn’t about etiquette, teamwork, or fair play – it’s about causing maximum chaos while pretending you’re a misunderstood genius.
Forget the golden rules of sportsmanship. Instead, embrace the fine art of distraction, disruption, and delightful disobedience. Follow these rebellious principles to ensure each game is an uproarious adventure:
√ Let your bowls take the most unpredictable paths possible.
√ Celebrate every wayward roll with enthusiastic exclamations
like, "Didn't see that coming!" Blame the sea breeze, mischievous slopes, or even an overhead helicopter for missed shots.
√ Ditch the traditional uniform for vibrant, eye-catching attire. Think mismatched socks, comically large hats, and flashy sunglasses to distract your opponents.
√ Begin each match with an over-the-top team entrance, such as a synchronized dance or humorous march. Start with a dramatic stretching routine, complete with exaggerated lunges, yoga poses, and interpretive dance moves to showcase your creativity and flexibility.
√ Narrate every shot like a sports commentator, complete with dramatic gasps, theatrical groans, and victory dances, moonwalks and shimmies. Impromptu jigs are encouraged.
√ Replace silence with spirited chants and interpretive conversations with bowls as they chart their course.
√ Keep your mobile phone on at full volume to catch updates from your bookmaker, the cricket, or the footie.
√ Stand close to opponents to offer unsolicited fashion critiques or tactical advice - whether they ask for it or not.
√ Turn measuring into a performance using props like a magnifying glass, a carpenter’s level, or even a laser pointer.
√ Make high-fives, fist bumps, hugs, and hand slaps mandatory after every bowl, no matter the outcome.
√ Play "Robbos" (blockers) whenever there’s a chance to disrupt your opponents’ plans.
√ Tell visiting opponents the green speed is 12 seconds when it’s actually 16 and watch as their bowls tumble into the ditch.
√ Cheer every outcome, especially lucky ones. Exaggerate your reactions to every roll for maximum effect.
√ After securing a win, gather your team for a pre-planned, overthe-top victory pose - perhaps a human pyramid, synchronized leaps, or a dramatic tableau vivant.
√ Prioritise storytelling over scoring. Share and embellish tales of your most outrageous shots during post-game clubhouse gatherings.
√ Turn near-misses into legendary epics - remember, the more exaggerated the tale, the better.
By adopting these whimsical rules, you’ll transform lawn bowls into a riotous spectacle of creativity, laughter, and camaraderie. Forget tradition; in the world of coarse bowls, mischief reigns supreme.
– Neville Odell
The Art of Coarse Lawn Bowling
A Rebellious and Riotous Romp
Think lawn bowls is all about precision and decorum? Think again! This book shatters the calm with its hilarious dive into the world of "coarse bowling," where audacity triumphs over accuracy, and laughter echoes across the green. From outrageous excuses for errant bowls to flamboyant fashion statements, victory dances, and theatrical antics, this playful guide invites you to embrace the chaos and camaraderie of the sport
