Height Limits

Article by: John Carlo Ocampo | Artwork by: John Carlo De Torres

A few months ago, it was an absolute bliss as we paced through the path of our own good sense – laughed at petty little things, became ironic as we shared and sympathized the stories of our lives… which I never had that much feeling of happiness before.

But just like that trail of light that just happened to pass-through my tainted vision as I stare upon the starry sky. It was ephemeral – for it ended in a blink of an eye.

I asked her why she suddenly turned herself away from me. I got answers.

“Pasensya ka na, hindi kase talaga ako komportable na kausap ka eh...”

“…dahil siguro sa hindi pa kita masyadong kilala? Basta, magpakumbaba ka lang sa ibang tao at ipagpatuloy mo lang ang pagbabasa ng magandang balita ng Dios,” she pleasantly uttered as I daze over in dishevelment while most likely getting provoked by millions of eels that seemingly uprooted my foot.

I tried to reach her and sought for her response but she still turned herself away from me, as the world primarily made for the both of us – became twisted as it turned into an endless void. …

‘Twas Wednesday and I was wearing old casual clothes – my beard was still unshaved while sweats emanate on my face. In a nutshell, I look like a street dweller, a beggar to be more precise. Humidity is hyped on this rusty public vehicle when I realize that I am still holding my jeep-fee and worst, which I should be telling the driver to pull over by now…

“Isang Tanauan lang po yung singkwenta, estudyante po ‘yan.”

The driver studied my appearance. I guess he wants to probe whether I’m a real student or not as he gave me the kind of look like I wasn’t credible enough to say the truth. And just like what I had anticipated, he didn’t recognize me as one, a student.

“Ikayaman n’yo sana ang bawat pisong hindi n’yo ibinabalik sa mga katulad ko,” inside me muttered in a devious manner.

Just like any other day of my life, a safe travel wouldn’t matter if you didn’t get enough sleep as you go to school. It could ruin my mental state and it’s very irritating for me – the thought of being deprived and the feeling of bearing a forced insomnia. …

“Uy? Bakit ang tamlay na naman ng mukha mo?” a woman with a sweet and lovely voice asked while standing on the left side of my desk.

“Parang araw-araw nalang may problema ka ah.”

“Wala lang ‘to, hindi ka na nasanay sa’kin. Talagang ganito lang ako pag walang magawa, nagkukunwaring malungkot,” I sarcastically replied.

“Ah, gano’n ba?” she snapped while making a bizarre gesture as she closed her right fist and weigh it on her chest.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?” I curiously asked while also staring at her fierce and endearing eyes as her wavy hair – seeming to a cloud, swayed like a tranquil ocean.

“Lupang hinirang na naka-closed fist?” I ironically assumed.

“Baliw…” she staggered as she also grabs the wrist of my right hand. She put it on my chest as she drearily said…

“Mangako ka… mangako kang hindi ka tutulad sa ibang tao na sinira ang kanilang buhay dahil nagpadala sa panandaliang kalungkutan.”

I could clearly see the sadness on her eyes as she spoke and transpose those simple words into wailing cries; the stubborn manner she had before, gradually dispersed seeming to a laid-down ice on a scorching platform.

I want to wipe her tears. Comfort her. Hug her. And give her anything she would ask at that moment – even the stars and moon.

Suddenly, a creaking sound was heard all over the room. A domineering voice of a middle-aged woman surged at the front door saying, “Mr. De Ocampo, ano na naman ang pinagkakaabalahan mo d’yan sa sulok?”

Our homeroom science teacher spouted while restraining herself from getting bothered. Everyone around suddenly bursts-out of laughter while discriminately staring at me. They seemingly resemble those starving vultures eyeing for their prey. Poor people, I don’t taste good.

I stayed impervious considering their eyes are on me, I puzzlingly looked around and said, “Nasa’n na siya?”

Everyone was confused on how and why I acted that way.

“Sino?” one of my classmates hastily responded while laughing.

“Nananaginip ka na naman ba ng gising?” our homeroom teacher added as.

“Di bale na, uulitin ko nalang ang tanong ko.”

Because of the embarrassment. My mouth became as timid as my frail body – unable to move nor speak for that would mean an act of disrespect to the lecturer in front of me.

“Again, who among you knows what celestial bodies are?”

Our teacher threw a question out of nowhere. She just came in and boom! There’s a ready-made question that left us all confused. It made my already stupid classmates more stupid as they usually are. The ambiance suddenly got clasped by a deafening silence inside our room. We were all shuddered in fear of answering the jargon question since we all know that we won’t be meeting the expectation of the lecturer in front.

“Walang may alam?” she patiently asked.

After a few seconds of idleness, she noticed that one of my classmates were asleep but, she didn’t even say a single word to her so, I thought that it would be okay to... ZzzzZzzzZzzzz

“Again, Mr. De Ocampo!” she irritatingly shouted while making an even more menacing look on her face.

“Bakit lagi ka na lang ganyan…” she continued to blabber words as if she was my mother, unbeknownst that, I temporarily entered my subconscious state to ignore her words which is initially my way to disregard the harsh words – other people may spout towards me.

“…naiintindihan mo ba?” are the only words that I heard the moment I gain consciousness as she also stopped moralizing me as if, it was not her lecturing period but her parenting hour.

Because of what just happened, the whole class got restricted from speaking except – if you’ll speak in English. The pressure became even more intense than before. I could clearly perceive everyone’s sweat as they fall down in a meter dash. Their body seemingly turned into an aerogel – the lightest substance in the world… that even a feeble gust of a wind would take away their sanity.

After a few minutes, no one would still dare to answer so, our teacher decided to answer it, herself.

“Celestial bodies were not literally a body of any person or any heavenly being. You could mostly see them in the night sky – stars, moons, planets, and asteroids are the four most commonly known celestial bodies in the outer space,” she explained without any obstruction from any of my classmates.

Everyone was astonished on what our teacher told us for she didn’t even wane nor doubt as she gave details to us. I mean… all were just a theory since we haven’t yet seen it in up close point of view. All might be just a deception engraved in our mind. I intrinsically concluded.

“Now, what do you think is the nearest star to our planet and how far is it to our moon?” she subsequently asked as she took a seat on her precious table while fidgeting her ballpoint pen on her right hand.

No one would dare to answer again. It was the same feeling as before. A *Deja ‘vu*.

I voluntarily stood up as I confidently answered, “Sun is the nearest star to our planet and based on my perspective…”

I opted for a moment because our science teacher suddenly interrupted what I’m saying as she interrogated.

“Whose perspective…?” she scratches her head in disbelief as she ironically added, “…yours?”

“What are you? A theorist?” she promptly asked again as her left eyebrow

shifted and form a curve on its utmost base for, she must be mystified on what I might answer.

“Alright, Mr. De Ocampo… what is the distance between the sun and the moon, based on YOUR PERSPECTIVE?” she repeated her question as she loudly emphasized the last two words.

Everyone laugh again for they must’ve thought that I was just showing-off in front of them.

“Ma’am, why do you seem doubtful about my perspective but not on yours or any of those theorists’ presumptions?” I insisted as I confidently spoke, “A million kilometres…”

“Why do I seem doubtful? ‘Cause you’re just a student. A million is correct but if not specifically or factually verified, it is obviously wrong. Based on whom not based on your own perception. That’s not the right way to answer it.”

Her voice clamored like an empty can inside the room. Galit na galit? ‘Ustong manakit?

“Ma’am, as I insisted to ask earlier. Why do you seem to easily believe with those logicians but not, to a person who stated his own theory? Isn’t it a bit, ironic? Everything you concluded as real could be just a fabrication to establish a deception on everyone’s mind for what you believe is just a theory. A star could be just a hanged lighting on a dome-like world. I would theorized and you won’t believe me, right? I’m not saying that, stars are like that or the Earth is flat or triangle or whatever its shape is. What I want everyone to know is, everything’s just a theory and theories could be wrong. But worry less, I’m not stating any of these to mislead everyone but for all of you to think that, how come those scientists or theorists came up with the thought that the distance between the sun and the moon is 150,000 kilometres? Or, how did they even know that there are billions of stars in the outer space? Does it even exist? If so, where is the heaven? Did those launch space shuttles pierced-through the heaven unknowingly? Or, is it because it was way higher than the space itself? I believe in celestial bodies but not absolutely, for I am looking on a brighter side… on a more possible outlook even though it is a sign of being neutral.”

Everyone startlingly glanced at me. They seem to have been petrified by the words I just stated as I walk back to my seat, dispassionately.

With my ears open wide to welcome the machine gun mouth of my teacher, WRA-TA-TAT-TA-TAT, a loud sound reverberated in our classroom – it was comparable to a situation where I was in a boxing ring as I faintly mumble, “Saved by the bell.” …

As I walk alone to our home. I suddenly felt a chilling breeze as the transparent arrows from above slowly goes down – it was a downpour. I don’t have any choice but to wait for the rain to stop. It was in the afternoon before I even

took the shelter and was still stuck for 3 long hours. My phone’s battery is barely discharged so, I just turned it off and all I could do was to stare above the bright sky – the stars and the moon as they shine while wondering.

Why do the star and moon, not even close to each other? Is it because scientifically, a star is said to be tantamount to a giant blazing ball that if any substance or celestial bodies tries to get nearer to it – dispersion is the only fate that waits for the foolish entity? Or is it because, there is a certain height limit between the two? Just like how most people distinguish themselves from others.

A rich to a rich, a gorgeous to a handsome, a king to a queen, and hypothetically knowing that stars are way higher than the moon basically state the fact that, the stars are out of a moon’s league. It wouldn’t be able to reach the star for there is a boundary that limits themselves from even knowing each other.

For a moment, I mesmerized again while staring above the night sky. There was an ambiguous figure of a woman earlier who I’m talking to, before. I even got scolded by my teacher because of that and for a while again… she’s faintly reappearing at my sight as suddenly – the rainfall stopped. As I continue to walk back to our home. It does not feel chilly at all. But why do I feel like, rain drops just kept on dripping down on my skin and it just won’t stop?

I felt its sadness again. The sky kept on crying for it sympathizes the sadness of the moon – the sadness of not even having a connection to his beloved star.

The only woman whom I seriously consider… disappeared, as the fog, the vague figure that comforts me before whenever I’m sad, was actually her, the one who made me neutrally believe on stars and moon – but was just in the form of a mist.

The Moon’s Sorrow By: John Carlo De Ocampo Unreachable star –The striding wind skipped a swoosh; It left a fragmented breeze But is gradually unknown In an instance, over the windowsill A silhouette of a maiden appeared, It made a gesture but is slowly fading away Getting farther, dimmer, it disappear All had suddenly end before it even start

The azure sky turns rowdy An agonizing scream reverberated Subsequent lightning struck down randomly, The clouds spewed an outburst; a downpour For they do sympathize the moon's grief – its sadness In that spur-of-the-moment, the star began to blink Faintly saying an empathic and pleasing phrase –"God has a plan for us, stay humble, Never step over those who were below you You are the moon and I am the star Both were below the heaven but is nearly impossible to stay together" And it goes on, just like a star above the horizon It shines brighter than a diamond Though perceivable, but still unreachable Wherefore you –My precious and unreachable star; Thus, unrequited love had been sought I'm still delighted and thankful by far –Knowing that even an astral goddess like you Once befriended, a solitary moon like me.