BECC A’S STORY: A R EF UGE CL IEN T
“He screamed at me for trying to call an ambulance” Becca and her baby came to a refuge after her partner’s controlling behaviour put the health of their child at risk. With the help of Stop Domestic Abuse, she was able to recognise her partner’s mistakes – as well as her own – and is now starting a new chapter.
PAGE 8
G
ary was a steroid user. He had a lot of anger and was very controlling. The first incident I remember happened one day when he was at work. I went to the shops wearing shorts and a vest. Gary drove past, saw me and started sending me abusive messages, saying ‘you look like a hooker’ and ‘what street corner are you standing on?’. He even accused me of sleeping with a man who was just walking by! Being with Gary, I lost myself. I stayed because I loved him. But I became a shell, was self-harming and was completely dependent on him. My journey to a refuge started when our daughter had not long turned one. She climbed up and fell out of her cot. Gary refused to let me get help and screamed at me for trying to call an ambulance. Our daughter was in my arms at the time. After that she stopped eating. I spoke to my health visitor and she got me into a refuge. At the beginning, I still didn’t see Gary
as abusive, but getting to know the other girls in the refuge and relating to their stories, I realised my relationship was abusive. My baby came back to life As my daughter settled into the refuge, I realised that the abuse had made her lose herself too. She started to eat better and play more. She was happy again. Living in refuge was never easy. I still had some contact with Gary and he tried to continue the emotional abuse – threatening to take the baby. There were days that I was upset and wanted my own space, but everyone helped each other. The staff were always on hand to provide support or even just to have a chat. We also had a playworker that helped with the children, so
STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE
at times I could have a break. There were workshops for adults as well, and we got to have a little fun along the way. We had regular house meetings, where we could raise issues or make suggestions. Everyone got to have a say. I learnt my own worth Being in the refuge helped me to realise my worth and gave me the strength to stand up for myself. It taught me that I can be independent. It also taught me that there are lots of different types of abuse and that no abuse is okay. I used to think that Gary was a good dad but while in the refuge, I came to realise that he was a bad dad for putting our daughter in the middle. Since we left him, he has also realised his mistakes and is correcting them.
Being in the refuge taught me that there are lots of different types of abuse and that no abuse is okay.
stopdomesticabuse.uk
