Grace’s story: A teenage client

Dave was a good friend of my Dad’s. One of my earliest memories is of Dave coming to the house with his girlfriend. They got into an argument and he stabbed her in the chest.

My parents separated when I was five. Soon after, Mum and Dave became a couple.

Mum knew what he was capable of, but probably thought that she could change him. My younger brother went to live with Dad, so for a while it was just me, Mum and Dave – and he was really nice. Things started to change when Mum told him she was pregnant. That was the first time I saw him hit her.

Everything got worse when her bump started to show. I clearly remember walking in on Dave violently kicking Mum while she lay in a pool of blood.

I went with her to hospital and when she was asked how she had bruised her back so badly, Mum told the doctor she slipped down the stairs. I looked at her and thought: ‘No, you didn’t!’

As I became more aware of the abuse, the dynamic of my relationship with Mum changed.

Increasingly, I felt like I was the parent. By now, I had a new baby brother and sister and I felt protective of them. Often, they would cry to me, instead of to

Mum.

When I started secondary school, I spoke to teachers about what was happening at home. I was so scared and needed someone Five months after that, my to talk to. It would go in circles… mental health had gone downhill. I would tell my teachers about the It took a lot of courage to text abuse, Mum would be called in my CYP worker asking her to for a meeting, then she would get work with me again, but I knew annoyed with me for talking. I needed help. I needed someone

Eventually, I stopped telling I could trust to talk to about my the teachers what was going on. childhood. I started misbehaving and had to When most children cry, their move schools. parents soothe them. I never had

When I was 16, I moved in with that. I never had anyone to teach Dad. Dave had left by then, so I me how to manage my feelings. had no reason to stay. People don’t Thanks to Stop Domestic understand this, but Dave was a Abuse, I now have a sense of parent to me. He wasn’t a good how to deal with my emotions one, but he was consistent. When I and how to have my own healthy got a good grade at school, I knew relationships. I knew emotional he’d be there to give me a hug abuse in a relationship was wrong, when I got home. but now I understand what healthy

Around this time, my friendships look like too. social worker referred Mutual respect and the me to Stop Domestic Abuse. I rolled “It took a lot ability to share my feelings without my eyes when it was suggested. of courage to text intentionally hurting the When I first met my CYP worker, but other person. my Children and Young I knew I needed help. That’s what’s important to Person’s (CYP) Worker, I was I needed someone I me. rude to her and sat could trust.” Names have been with my cap pulled changed down. My teacher told me to keep attending, so I gave it a go, but after a few months, I stopped.