Alan’s story: A high-risk client

ALAN’S STORY: A high - ris k client

Alan’s life became hell when his teenage son became abusive and pulled a knife on him. With support from Stop Domestic Abuse, Alan has learnt to put his safety first and is finding happiness again.

Jack was always a difficult child. He had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Jack breached his bail conditions During my first meeting with my IDVA, I told her that Jack was (ADHD) and as he grew into back at my home. With the IDVA’s adolescence, he became more and support I called the police who more aggressive. He was only 16, took him away. but I was scared of him. He would My IDVA and I created a safety smash the house up. One plan and she referred day he grabbed me in a me to the target headlock, physically It’s been hardening team, assaulted me to improve the and demanded heartbreaking security of my money. I was afraid to say no for me to accept home. They fitted window to him. My wife the breakdown of my alarms and gave me and I separated relationship with security advice. because of the pressure and my son. My IDVA also arranged for the were advised by the police safeguarding police at the time that team to fit a national they could not guarantee her monitoring alarm. safety. Jack assaulted her a couple of years ago, so he continued living He threatened me with suicide with me. On another occasion One day, Jack appeared at my he pulled a knife on me. I was front door demanding money. so scared that he was going to I didn’t open the door, but stab me. He smashed the door eventually I gave into his demands and various items in the house, and slipped £5 through the causing over a £1000 worth of letterbox. A little while later, Jack damage. Eventually I found the came back, pushed the letterbox courage to call the police. open and shoved three empty

The police removed Jack from paracetamol packets through. the property. Jack was bailed to He screamed: “This is what you’ve his mother’s address. The police made me do!” referred me to Stop Domestic I panicked and called my IDVA. Abuse, who assigned me an She helped me to stay calm and Independent Domestic Violence told me to call the police and an Adviser (IDVA). I had become so ambulance, but not to open the anxious and depressed that I had door. I followed her advice and to be signed off work. didn’t go with Jack to the hospital.

My IDVA saved my life

It’s been heartbreaking for me to accept the breakdown of my relationship with my son. I thought: “How can I give up on him?” My IDVA has helped me to understand that my safety and wellbeing has to come first. I have grown in confidence and gave evidence at court against my son. I was granted a restraining order for two years.

Jack is now living in supported accommodation provided by the local authority. Slowly, I’ve started feeling happier again.

I’ve started swimming and gardening and I’ll be returning to work soon. When I first met my IDVA, I was ready to take my own life, but she has helped me to live again.

Names have been changed

Did you know…?

One in six men experience domestic abuse, yet only one in twenty report it. Men may be abused in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship or by a family member. Men may also be victims of forced marriage.

(ManKind Initiative, 2018)