Stop Domestic Abuse Annual Report 2020

Domestic abuse during the pandemic See page 7

How do we support children and young people?

See pages 20-21 Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

stopdomesticabuse.uk #stopdomesticabuse @southerndas @Southerndas

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How you can support us See pages 16-17

Chair’s Report: Donna Cullimore

I am proud to serve Stop Domestic Abuse as the Chair of Trustees. The past year has demonstrated some of the organisation’s key characteristics of resilience, adaptability and flexibility.

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here have been many challenges that we have met with understanding, skill and passion this year.

We expanded our services in new areas of Hampshire in April 2019 and started new services to reach more people affected by domestic abuse. We have also responded well to COVID-19.

None of this would have been possible without the dedication of Claire Lambon, our CEO, and the wonderful team of staff and volunteers who have risen to every challenge. I want to thank every one of them.

Domestic abuse has received

a lot of media attention, both due to the Domestic Abuse Bill going through Parliament and the impact of the COVID-19 lockdown on victims and survivors. We want domestic abuse to be ‘everyone’s business’ and to remain a priority for the whole of society.

Through engaging with the media and projects like Ask Me (see page 12) we break the silence to talk about domestic abuse and its impact on women, children, young people and men.

Our Buy a Brick campaign (see page 16) continues strongly, with nearly £750,000 secured towards our £1million target.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

The need for refuge has never been more strongly exemplified than during the COVID-19 lockdown when being told to ‘stay home’ was not a safe option for many domestic abuse victims.

The months ahead will present new challenges which I am confident Stop Domestic Abuse will meet with resilience, adaptability and flexibility. We all have our part to play to achieve our vision of a world without domestic abuse.

Please do what you can to help us make our vision a reality.

stopdomesticabuse.uk

Chair’s Report

2

Rob’s Story: Up2You client

14

Our vision

3

Grants, funding, and partnerships

15

Buy a brick

16

Donate without Dosh

17

CEO’s Report

4-5

Susan’s Story: A high-risk client

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COVID-19 7

Jen’s Story: A refuge client

18-19

Where we work (with map)

A day in the life of a children and young person’s worker

20-21

8-9

Mo’s Story: Honour-based violence

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What is domestic abuse?

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We need to talk

Why we do what we do

22

12-13

There is a long way to go, but we are moving in the right direction.

Join us!

Our Mission Here at Stop Domestic Abuse we seek to help all those affected by domestic abuse by providing innovative and unique services.

We protect and work with victims as well as helping perpetrators, the police and many other organisations.

Annual report 2020

By committing to these values we aim to guarantee that our organisation: • works in partnership • regularly monitors our services and outcomes • provides services that reflect the diverse needs of the communities we serve • continually lobbies and campaigns

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• guarantees that everyone we work with counts And that our organisation: • Is well managed and provides value for money • Ensures good governance • Is open to progressive and innovative ways of doing things By dedicating ourselves to our vision to stop domestic abuse and to the values that underpin our work, our team significantly improves the lives of the people who use our services.

NOTE: The case studies featured in this report are real, but the names of individuals have been changed to protect their identity.

@Southerndas

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Our Values At Stop Domestic Abuse we are committed to: • Equality • Honesty • Respect for individual dignity and diversity • Compassion • Care • Empowering women and children

By upholding our commitment to these values we will continue to ensure that our service will be: • Easily accessible • Continuously improving and innovating • Relevant to the needs of our service users • Of real assistance to women, children, young people, and men

CEO’s Report

Chief Executive Officer Claire Lambon says 2020 has been a year of resilience, adaptability and flexibility. Stop Domestic Abuse consolidated its role as the principal provider of Hampshire’s domestic abuse services after last year’s expansion across all 11 Hampshire districts plus Portsmouth.

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e did not know we would experience a new challenge which would test the organisation’s resilience, adaptability and flexibility on an unprecedented scale.

In early 2020, along with the rest of world, we were watching the COVID-19 pandemic spread. (See page 7) Being told to ‘Stay Home’ to stay safe meant seeking sanctuary with home considered a place of safety. For those trapped in intimate relationships with people who use violence and abuse, staying at home was far from staying safe and far from a place of sanctuary.

Working from home This pandemic is a dynamic situation and our plans have changed according to new information and advice.

I am grateful to my colleagues who remained in client-facing roles in order to keep the refuges open throughout lockdown.

Community-based staff started working from home in late March 2020, providing support via video calls and phone to clients. We successfully adapted group work programmes to be delivered via Zoom.

For younger children where remote support wasn’t suitable, we supported their non-abusive parent so they could help their

child. The Up2U Programme for perpetrators of domestic abuse was adapted for remote delivery.

I extend my thanks to my colleagues for their dedication which ensures we continue to support our clients during this pandemic.

Domestic Abuse Bill failed us in some areas While Covid-19 has focused media attention on domestic abuse, the Domestic Abuse Bill itself was under the spotlight. I have continued to lobby our local MPs in order to influence the Bill.

This Bill is a once-in-ageneration opportunity to deliver a step change in the response to

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

domestic abuse and other forms of violence against women and girls.

It includes some welcome measures, particularly the guarantee that all survivors will be in ‘priority need’ for housing.

There are changes to the family and civil courts (a ban on cross examination and a guarantee that survivors can access special measures in these court settings), a recognition of children in the definition of domestic abuse, a guarantee that survivors can retain a secure lifetime tenancy if they need to move or leave their home due to domestic abuse, a statutory duty on local authorities to provide refuge space and the removal of the so-called “rough sex defence”.

Attempts by Conservative MP Philip Davies to include a genderneutral definition of domestic

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abuse failed to pass. This is a welcome defeat which recognises that domestic abuse is still a gendered issue.

But there are crucial areas where the bill failed to deliver.

That failure will deny support to some of the most vulnerable victims.

Annual report 2020

Legislation “must go further” Refuge services operate as a national network, accepting referrals from women and children in any part of the country who need shelter and support.

Specialist women’s refuge services are an established, essential element in delivering support to survivors of domestic abuse who are no longer safe at home. A refuge service provides holistic, specialist support to meet the needs of women and children in a safe and secure environment.

But this national network of life-saving services has been experiencing a funding crisis for a decade. The Bill had the potential to change this.

I welcome the Bill’s statutory duty on local authorities to deliver

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support in accommodationbased services, but the future of community-based services is uncertain. There remain questions about how the duty will resolve the challenges facing the national network of specialist women’s refuges and deliver funding for children services, communitybased support, prevention and work with perpetrators.

Domestic abuse legislation must go far further if it is to deliver the changes survivors need.

Help us achieve our goals We continue to take matters into our own hands and protect our refuges through our Buy a Brick campaign (see page 16) which aims to raise £1m so we can buy a refuge (or refuges) of our own and guarantee a continuous service for women and children fleeing domestic abuse.

We are determined to provide vulnerable families with a safe place to sleep at night and begin their journey to a life free from abuse. We sincerely appreciate your donations to help us achieve this.

Claire

@Southerndas

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MPs ignored women’s “impossible choice” Sadly, MPs voted against lifting the no-recourse-to-publicfunds rule for migrant women experiencing domestic abuse.

This was in spite of campaigning from specialist domestic abuse organisations. Women still face an impossible choice: stay with an abuser or leave with no support.

The Bill contains a statutory duty on local authorities to fund support in accommodation-based services. It must go far further to deliver safety and support. And the lack of funding underpinning the Bill remains a severe concern.

I am also disappointed that the Bill does not clarify that councils are obliged to fund specialist refuge services supporting women and children escaping abuse.

Long-term, sustainable funding for all specialist services must be delivered alongside the Bill. Women’s Aid Federation of England estimates that an investment of £393m for specialist women’s domestic abuse services is needed per year, including £173m for the national network of refuge services.

Susa n’s STORY: A high-r isk cl ien t

Susan was married to Al for 25 years, but it was only recently that she began to realise that the relationship was abusive.

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he controlling behaviour had been happening for so many years that it had become normal. Al would stop me from seeing friends or family.

He’d tell me what to wear and controlled all the finances. Our daughter left home because of his constant bullying. Al also tried to stop me from talking to her.

I couldn’t do anything around the house, even simple things like washing up, unless he gave me permission first. It was very rare that I would even get any time alone as he would follow me around, criticising me and telling me I was disgusting.

He told me that I’m not right in the head and that I need help.

After a while I began to believe it.

He convinced me I was going crazy.

He would make it seem as though I was forgetting things.

I was too scared to leave the marriage. Al would threaten suicide. He said he would ensure I was the one who found his body and that he would write letters to everyone we knew so they would know his death was my fault.

Seeking support In early 2020 I got help for depression and anxiety. The

doctor referred me for counselling and this helped me realise how abusive my relationship was. The counsellor referred me to Stop Domestic Abuse who carried out a risk assessment and allocated me an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Adviser) who works with high risk victims.

My IDVA knew it wasn’t safe to talk when I was at home so she suggested short and regular phone appointments while I was at work.

We had a plan to improve my safety. This included downloading personal safety apps and making a plan for where I could go if I had to leave in a hurry. There were some simple things I hadn’t thought about, like always keeping my mobile in my pocket.

Al and I had a joint tenancy and I didn’t want to go to a refuge as I work and wouldn’t be able to take my dogs.

Stopped paying the rent and the bills My IDVA helped me obtain an emergency non-molestation order and an occupation order.

Al was served by a process server while I was out at work and when I returned to the house that evening I took a friend so we could check

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

that he had left. Thankfully he’d gone.

Once Al left, my IDVA looked again at my safety. If Al came near I should call the police as this would be a breach of the orders. My parents stayed with me for a while too, which made me feel safer.

Al stopped contributing towards the rent and bills. My IDVA advised me to contact the companies quickly. The IDVA also found benefits I’d be entitled to. I can now support myself and live independently in the house. I even paid my first full rent this month.

Tactics used by perpetrators Al still tries to control me, saying he’s happy to come off the tenancy, then refusing to do so, or having me pack up his belongings then have the person who was due to collect them say Al has changed his mind.

My IDVA said these are tactics perpetrators use. She provides emotional support when I get upset. It feels amazing to finally be away from Al. Life is so much better. For the first time in a very long time I don’t feel as though I am constantly walking on eggshells.”

stopdomesticabuse.uk

The COVID-19 pandemic and the impact of the disease itself has been huge, but largely invisible. Nowhere more is this true than behind closed doors, where people are supposed to be safe.

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he impact of lockdown during the pandemic on domestic abuse victims has been immense.

Our priority throughout the pandemic has been to ensure that our clients and staff are safe and supported.

Annual report 2020

Post-COVID World We don’t know what the future will hold. Victims and their children were confined in abusive homes with little or no respite for months and we expect the impact of COVID-19 and the lockdown to last for a significant time. Stop Domestic Abuse will continue to improve, adapt and develop services to meet the changing needs of our clients.

#stopdomesticabuse

@Southerndas

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The figures are astounding: In the first three weeks of lockdown there were 16 suspected domestic homicides in the UK, more than double the average of 2 per week.

• Since 23rd March the number of referrals we received each week were on average 17.5% more than in February 2020.

• A Women’s Aid survey in April 2020 with victims and survivors found that 67.4% said the abuse had got worse since COVID-19 and 71.7% said that their abuser had more control over their lives.

• In June 2020 there were half the number of daily refuge vacancies in the UK than in June 2019.

• On one day, 30th June, Hampshire Police attended 165 domestic abuse incidents.

Five new beds in just five weeks We secured funding from many sources. This enabled us to employ additional staff, provide practical assistance to clients such as paying for travel costs and home/personal security equipment, and buy additional IT equipment, phones and PPE. With emergency funding, in partnership with Portsmouth City Council housing department, we opened an additional five-bed refuge in the city in just five weeks. This COVID-19 refuge will be available to women and their children until the end of March 2021.

This brings our refuge network to 15 (one is managed by our partner Andover Crisis and Support Centre).

Where we work

Discover what we do and where we do it. Below is a summary of the services we provide across Hampshire.

We offer community based one-to-one services for adults and children affected by domestic abuse across Portsmouth and the whole of Hampshire (with services in Test Valley delivered by our partner and subcontractor Andover Crisis and Support Centre). Our support is tailored to the individual’s risk level and their support needs.

Refuge Stop Domestic Abuse runs 14 refuges across Hampshire and Portsmouth, offering 94 spaces to women and their children fleeing domestic abuse.

Group Work We deliver a number of different group work programmes for adults, children and young people.

Up2U The Up2U programme is a behaviour-change programme for people using unhealthy/abusive behaviours in their intimate relationships. The Up2U programme runs in Portsmouth and surrounding areas including, Gosport, Fareham, and Havant.

Up2U:My Choice The Up2U: My Choice programme for victims of domestic abuse who have some unhealthy relationship behaviours. The service runs in Portsmouth, Fareham, Gosport and Havant.

Target Hardening Target hardening provides practical home security advice and items such as window alarms and locks, spy holes etc across Havant, Fareham, Gosport, East Hampshire, Hart and Rushmoor.

Harmful Cultural Practices Specialist work addresses harmful cultural practices including female genital mutilation, forced marriage and ‘honour’ based violence across the whole of Hampshire.

Health Advocates A domestic abuse health advocate works at the Royal Hampshire County Hospital in Winchester offering immediate advice and support to staff and patients.

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Ask Me Our Ask Me community ambassador training has been expanded to cover Havant, Fareham, Gosport, East Hampshire, Hart and Rushmoor.

Child Sexual Exploitation Specialist support for young people affected

by Child Sexual Exploitation in Havant, Gosport, Portsmouth, Eastleigh, Winchester, New Forest and Basingstoke.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

stopdomesticabuse.uk

Key to services 1 Refuge 2 One-to-one Support

Hart

3 Group Work

2

3

4

5

7

8

Basingstoke

4 Child Sexual Exploitation 5 Harmful Cultural Practices 6 Health Advocates 7 Ask Me

1

2

4

5

3

Rushmoor

Test Valley

8 Target Hardening 9 Up2U

1

2

10 Up2U:My Choice

4

5

1

2

3

4

5

7

8

3 East Hampshire Winchester 1

2

3

4

5

6

1

2

7

8

4

3

5

Eastleigh 1

2

4

5

3

Fareham

Havant

New Forest 1

2

4

3

5

Gosport Portsmouth 1

2

3

4

7

8

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Think you’re not affected by domestic abuse? Think again.

Domestic abuse affects the safety, wellbeing, health and prosperity of every part of society.

Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

of domestic abuse. Yet fear or stigma mean they might not speak up.

Domestic abuse is everyone’s business and we all have a role to play in creating a world without domestic abuse. It’s time to break the silence.

What will you do?

@Southerndas

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Statistically, someone you love, someone you work with, someone you socialise with or someone you exercise with is a victim or survivor

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Mo’s STORY: ‘Honou r’ Based A buse Cl ien t

Mo suffered PTSD after his wife’s brother attacked him. Mo came from a culture where domestic abuse was considered dishonourable so he felt too ashamed to speak out.

I

had an arranged marriage to my wife 20 years ago.

I moved to the UK and didn’t know anyone apart from members of her family. I also didn’t speak English. My wife stopped work immediately, saying that as the husband I had to provide for her.

As soon as we were married, she took control of our finances. I found out recently that my name wasn’t on the housing tenancy. She told me where I should work and how many hours to work. She took my wages and once the rent and bills were paid, she spent the rest on herself. I rarely got to keep any of the money I had worked for.

She didn’t want me to go to English classes, saying she would translate for me whenever I needed it. As I was initially in the UK on a spousal visa she threatened to get me deported.

We argued a lot, often over money. Whenever I disagreed with her, she threatened to go to the police and tell them I had attacked her. She said she’d tell all our friends I was an abusive husband. I believed her when she said nobody would believe me over her.

Money wasn’t the only aspect of life she sought to control. I couldn’t leave the house without telling her where I was going and when I’d return. I felt under constant surveillance. She’d listen to all my phone calls and monitor my phone.

I felt a lot of pressure from her family to be a perfect husband and didn’t feel that I could talk to anyone because I felt ashamed.

Last year everything changed.

I was outside work when my brother-in-law turned up in a rage and attacked me with a crowbar.

My wife had told him that I’d threatened her. He headbutted me and punched me repeatedly. He said he’d kill me if I went to the police. He stole my car keys, keyed my car and took off.

I was rushed to hospital and treated for injuries to my face, teeth and chest. The pain was so bad I couldn’t eat for days. Even now I am easily startled by loud noises. The attack was reported to the police and a court date was set. I was so terrified of getting involved with the police and the courts. On the same day that my brother-in-law attacked me, my wife reported to the police that I attacked her.

After the attack my anxiety skyrocketed and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was so scared to go outside in case I would see my brother-in-law. I was so ashamed.

In my culture it’s dishonourable to be abused.

I didn’t drive my car for ages. I knew if people saw the damage my brother-in-law did to the car they would ask questions. I wasn’t ready to answer them. I didn’t know who I could turn to help or if anyone

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He headbutted and punched me repeatedly.

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would believe me. However, one of my friends became concerned and recommended Stop Domestic Abuse.

I met with an IDVA (Independent Domestic Abuse Adviser) who wrote a letter so I could get legal aid and a Community Development Worker who provided support around community/familial issues.

She also speaks my first language, which made the appointments easier.

I wasn’t able to return home. When I made a homeless application to the council, the Community Development Worker explained my situation and how my culture had affected the treatment from my wife and her family. But as I was a single man, they were unsure if I was a priority.

Eventually I was offered a flat.

The Community Development Worker supported me at appointments with my solicitor who was handling the divorce proceeding. She would check afterwards that I understood everything.

We spoke about the expectations I felt in my marriage and why what I had experienced wasn’t my fault. I now understand more about domestic abuse and ‘honour’ based abuse.

I am in a much better position now. I have my own flat and I am away from my wife and her family.

I feel better and I have been able to set new goals, including gaining contact with my children and divorcing my wife.

I don’t know where I would be now if it wasn’t for the support I have received from Stop Domestic Abuse. I am so grateful. stopdomesticabuse.uk

Domestic abuse is a one-off act – or a series or pattern of acts – of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour.

It includes sexual abuse, economic abuse and psychological, emotional or other abuse. The Domestic Abuse Bill currently passing through parliament will give the UK its first statutory definition of domestic abuse, which will include both parties being 16 or older and ‘connected’ either through an intimate relationship or being related to one another.

Domestic abuse usually happens within the home. Most commonly perpetrators are partners or ex-partners. However, in some cases a family member or a carer can be a perpetrator.

Gender and domestic abuse Domestic abuse is a crime rooted in the inequalities between men and women and, therefore, disproportionately affects women.

Abuse is directed ‘against a woman because she is a woman’ (United Nations, 1992).

However, anyone can still experience domestic abuse regardless of their gender identity, ethnicity, ability, age, class, race or religion. Some victims who have experienced other forms of oppression and discrimination are faced with further barriers to disclosing the abuse, accessing support and finding help.

Types of abuse • Coercive control – domestic abuse is not always physical.

Controlling behaviour seeks to isolate, exploit, and deprive victims of their independence and regulate their everyday behaviour • Psychological and/or emotional abuse • Physical abuse • Sexual abuse • Financial or economic abuse • Harassment and stalking • Online or digital abuse

Two million adults in England and Wales experience domestic abuse each year More than 1 in 4 women aged 16 to 59 have experienced domestic abuse An estimated 160,000 children in England live in homes where they witness domestic abuse 82% of women who experience abuse by their partner don’t report it to police 1.3 million women and 695,000 men in England and Wales experienced domestic abuse in the year to March 2018

Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

@Southerndas

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Young women aged 16-19 face the greatest risk of abuse in their intimate relationships

Domestic abuse affects us all. It impacts the safety, wellbeing, health and prosperity of everyone. By breaking the silence we build awareness and strive to create a world without domestic abuse.

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he problem we face is that due to stigma and fear people don’t like to speak up and talk about domestic abuse. People remain silent as they do not want to be involved, yet statistically 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. This means that someone you love, socialise with, or work with is a victim or a survivor.

Awareness Raising awareness about the impact of domestic abuse is an integral part of what we do at Stop Domestic Abuse. We seek to break the silence by talking in the media, online, in our communities and with politicians and other influencers.

Over the past year, Stop Domestic Abuse and the work we do has been featured numerous times in newspaper articles and profiled on various radio shows.

In October 2019, The News, Portsmouth, ran a front page story on Stop Domestic Abuse’s provision of refuges.

In the same month, BBC South’s evening programme South Today interviewed a past client, an IDVA worker and our CEO Claire Lambon. The following month the same programme featured an interview with one of our Ask Me

ambassadors as part of a campaign

by Thames Valley Police to target coercive control.

Express FM conducted interviews with Claire and a service manager regarding domestic abuse. One was aired on the evening show for an hour.

The News, Portsmouth, published an article in November featuring

Stop Domestic Abuse and the work we have done raising awareness for White Ribbon Day, a global movement working to end male violence against women and girls.

Over Christmas, The News featured Stop Domestic Abuse again. It published articles regarding ambassador training, Christmas donations, and Stop Domestic Abuse’s involvement in the Comfort and Joy Campaign.

The Hayling Herald likewise published an article featuring Christmas donations.

Clockwise from above: Claire Lambon being filmed for BBC South Today, Claire Lambon and Czarina Jacobs with Express FM presenter Miles Henson, Alan Mak MP for Havant visiting our offices.

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stopdomesticabuse.uk

Support from MPs

Ask Me Ambassadors Ask Me trains local community members to become Ask Me Ambassadors who break the silence about domestic abuse. In 2019 and 2020 we trained 41 people who speak to friends, colleagues and neighbours about domestic abuse. They signpost people to Stop Domestic Abuse’s services, challenge misconceptions and help to remove the stigma by talking about domestic abuse. This included 14 people who had never spoken about their experience of domestic abuse before and were signposted to support.

Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

@southerndas

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COVID-19 and awareness Throughout the COVID-19 crisis, media attention has turned to domestic abuse and has regularly featured the impacts of ‘lockdown’ on domestic abuse. News sources reported that within the first three weeks of ‘lockdown’ there were 16 domestic abuse related homicides, more than double the average of two per week. It is essential that we consider the long-term impact on those who have experienced domestic abuse and been locked down with their perpetrator throughout the coronavirus pandemic. In addition, it is necessary to consider the longerterm impact on domestic abuse services as they work to meet increased levels of demand.

Keep the conversation going When the COVID-19 related ‘lockdown’ began, the impact of the pandemic on domestic abuse was heavily featured in local and national newspapers. Claire was interviewed on ITV Meridian’s evening show, Express FM’s radio show, Radio Solent and Action Hampshire’s Facebook page.

These interviews discussed the impact of ‘lockdown’ on people experiencing domestic abuse and the impact the pandemic has had on the provision of Stop Domestic Abuse’s Services. The News published several articles regarding domestic abuse and directly quoted Claire. The Hayling Herald and the Bournemouth Echo also featured Stop Domestic Abuse in relation to the consequences of COVID-19 for those experiencing domestic abuse.

While this attention has succeeded in raising a certain amount of awareness and has helped break the silence, the challenge remains. We must keep the conversation going. Domestic abuse is not going to end when the Covid-19 crisis ends. We must ensure that this rise in awareness is sustained and that the conversation is continued. It will be the longer-term solutions and ongoing conversations that will help in the long term to break the cycle and Stop Domestic Abuse.

Throughout the year we have been in frequent contact with local councillors and MPs. Claire has lobbied all MPs representing constituencies where we provide services, regarding the Domestic Abuse Bill, refuge provision and funding. Letters have been sent to all MPs where our services are provided in Hampshire and Portsmouth, and Southampton urging them to influence amendments to The Domestic Abuse Bill.

Maria Miller, MP for Basingstoke, who has been a consistent and invaluable support to our organisation, mentioned Stop Domestic Abuse in a parliamentary debate regarding the Domestic Abuse Bill.

During the COVID-19 pandemic Claire has kept MPs up-to-date on all funding received and our service adaptations and provisions.

Concern has been expressed over the short-term nature of this funding.

We have an ever-growing presence on social media including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Social media allows us to reach our clients and also connect with our supporters. Join the conversation today and follow us.

@Southerndas

ROB’s STORY: Up 2U pro gramme

Rob was referred to Stop Domestic Abuse’s Up2U programme after he broke his partner’s fingers. The sessions helped control his anger.

I

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was referred to Stop Domestic Abuse’s Up2U programme by Children’s Social Care after an incident with Anna, my partner at the time. I was drunk and arguing with her. The angrier I got, the more I lost control. I grabbed her hand so hard that I broke her fingers. The sight of her fingers in a splint and bandaged filled me with remorse. I had lost my temper before, often yelling or swearing.

This was the first time I lost control to the point of hurting her.

I knew I needed help and I needed to learn how to control my anger.

I’ve always been quick to get angry with strangers, particularly men. I had a traumatic childhood and I never realised how the things I had witnessed impacted me.

Recognising others’ emotions Anna left me after I broke her fingers, taking the children with her. It wasn’t until I saw how out of control I had been that I knew I needed help, not only for my own sake, but for my children too.

I was quite wary of support and scared I’d be judged and labelled as a bad person. I convinced myself that I didn’t need help changing my unhealthy behaviours and that I was only engaging with support

to increase my chances of seeing my children more.

I soon realised that the Up2U Facilitator wasn’t there to pass judgement. I began to realise that only I am responsible for my actions.

The Up2U programme helped me discuss my feelings and emotions. It’s helped me understand how I can work to avoid conflicts by reacting differently in certain situations. I can now recognise other people’s emotions as well, by working harder to notice how they are feeling and by paying attention to their body language and by really listening to them.

Someone cared about my progress I was being supported by the Up2U programme when lockdown started. It was quite isolating as I was living on my own.

But the support didn’t stop during lockdown, instead my support worker delivered phone sessions. These gave me opportunities to discuss my feelings and assess many aspects of my life.

I realised that I was benefiting from exercising daily, talking to

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

friends over FaceTime and reading more. It gave me time to stop and focus. Even though I was living on my own, I knew someone was there who cared about my progress. That was a great comfort.

We have started to talk and listen to each other By identifying healthy and unhealthy behaviours and attitudes within a relationship, I’ve really come to understand the role I played in the breakdown of my relationship. I used to blame my actions on things like having a bad day or having had too much drink, but now I’ve had time to reflect, I understand so much more about why I react to things in certain ways.

I never thought I would practice mindfulness skills but it’s really helped me to understand my emotions and feelings. It helps me to take a moment to pause and consider the situation before reacting.

I still have a lot of room for personal growth and development, but the programme has taught me so much and has given me the time to work with my ex-partner to co-parent our children. We have started to talk more and listen to each other.

stopdomesticabuse.uk

Grant Funding and Partnerships

A

t Stop Domestic Abuse we are passionate about empowering our clients to live their lives free from domestic abuse. Despite our 40 years’ experience of supporting victims of domestic abuse, we are constantly evolving our services to meet the needs of the diverse communities throughout Hampshire.

We have constant conversations with our clients, staff and other organisations working in Hampshire to understand what people affected by domestic abuse want and need from us. This allows us to adapt existing services and develop new ones to best support our clients.

Array of services need supporting We couldn’t do this work without the funding from a wide range of grant-makers, trusts, foundations and community partners. Every single grant is valued as they all make a difference to our clients. Last year this ranged from £479 to deliver group work to children, to a subregional partnership bid where nearly £975,000 was awarded to provide additional support for refuges and community-based early intervention projects across

If you are a business, community stakeholder or grant-maker and would like to work with us, please call 023 9200 8329 or email info@stopdomesticabuse.uk.

I

n Autumn 2019, we piloted a new group programme called Own My Life, working closely with the author to give feedback from clients and facilitators. relationship or have already The programme empowers left. They learn to identify what women. Its core value is that domestic abuse is and the lasting women are the experts on their psychological effects it can have. own lives. Women can attend At the end of the programme whether they are still in an abusive

the women are encouraged to continue meeting as a selfrun peer support group, with resources provided such as templates for group rules and meeting structures.

Own My Life has been very popular with our clients and we have since trained more staff to facilitate the programme so we can roll it out to more areas.

Every donation adds up One-off or regular donations can be made using our Virgin Money giving page: tinyurl.com/stopDA. Some supporters have made a donation instead of sending Christmas cards, or given us part of a one-off bonus they’ve received, or sent us a few pounds each month.

Every donation adds up and enables us to keep offering a wide range of services.

#stopdomesticabuse

@Southerndas

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Support Us We couldn’t do everything we do without the support of our local communities. Cash donations enable us to direct the money to where it is needed most.

Whether it is a one-off donation or setting up a monthly direct debit, we are very grateful for every pound donated. We are able to claim gift aid as well on donations from UK tax payers, meaning for every £1 donated we can claim an additional 25p.

Annual report 2020

Hampshire, Dorset and the Isle of Wight.

We currently provide refuge accommodation, one-to-one support in the community for victims of domestic abuse, specialist support for children and young people, group work, a perpetrator programme, preventative work in schools, early intervention work in hospitals and the community, specialist support for people from ethnic minority communities and training to other agencies.

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A specialist refuge is more crucial than ever We may be three-quarters of the way there, but the need for a specialist refuge is more crucial than ever.

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n 2016 we launched our Buy a Brick campaign to raise £1million to buy our own refuge in Hampshire and secure the future of domestic abuse services.

We are delighted to announce that we have secured nearly threequarters of our target.

Refuges are the core of what we do. In 1977 a group of local women started a refuge in Havant - and Havant Women’s Aid was born.

We may have changed our name - and expanded both the services we offer and the area we serve - but the need has never been greater.

The funding future is uncertain A refuge doesn’t just provide shelter for families. Refuges give individual support to women to help them recover from abuse, address legal and financial issues, improve their confidence and selfesteem and plan for the future.

Children who have lived with domestic abuse can have severe physical, psychological and behavioural issues. They have an increased chance of being in abusive relationships in the future.

Our refuge will provide specialist workers so children and young people can talk about

their worries and what they have experienced. They can take part in group activities, play and have fun!

The future funding for domestic abuse services is uncertain.

Local authorities are expecting further cuts from government and many grant-making trusts and foundations have lost income due to the stock market crash that began in February 2020.

Provide a supportive environment, free from abuse As the UK enters a recession, job losses and financial difficulties put further strain on personal relationships. In abusive relationships this can trigger an escalation in the severity and increase the number of incidents.

It is therefore more crucial than ever to ensure there are safe, specialist refuges to welcome women and their children who have made the incredibly hard decision to leave their home, friends, extended family and sometimes even their jobs.

We are working with clients, housing associations, staff and volunteers to continue to develop the plan for our refuge. The most crucial factor will be location – near to public transport links and other services our clients use.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

Whatever our refuge looks like, we will ensure that it is welcoming and gives women and children a supportive environment to move on and live lives free from abuse.

If you are able, please help us to reach our target so we can secure the future of our service and ensure there is wonderful refuge in perpetuity.

We want families to have a life free from domestic abuse, can you help us?

Your support is crucial to the continuation of our service. Will you help us reach our target?

• Make a one-off donation now via Virgin Money giving – tinyurl. com/buyabricknow • Donate every month – tinyurl. com/stopDA • Run a fundraising event or take on a sponsored sporting challenge for us • Make a donation from your business or club (or nominate us to your boss) • Play local community lotteries each week – stopdomesticabuse.uk/lottery • Leave us a legacy in your will To find out more about supporting us, contact info@stopdomesticabuse.uk

stopdomesticabuse.uk

Looking for ways to help us but short on cash?

There are many ways to support our work without spending a penny.

1. Donate your time Would you be able to help by picking up, sorting out and delivering donations or doing some gardening at a refuge? Alternatively, if you’re a hairdresser or a beautician then you could donate your time by giving the residents at a refuge a treat! If you have the time and would like to share your unique skills with us, then we would love to hear from you!

2. Donate your voice You could use your voice to support us! If you would be willing to talk to friends and family about domestic abuse then join our Ask Me ambassador training programme.

3. Donate your network You could use your social media networks to help us raise our social media presence! Engage with us on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook and help us raise awareness by having conversations about domestic abuse.

Annual report 2020

6. Donate while you shop If you do your online shopping via GiveAsYouLive.com then every time you make a purchase on certain brands (such as Amazon) we will receive a donation! Just choose Stop Domestic Abuse as your charity partner.

Whichever way you choose to support us, we would love to hear from you! To get involved, get in touch with us by contacting info@stopdomesticabuse.uk.

We greatly appreciate your assistance and, whichever way you choose to help, it will really brighten the life of someone who has been affected by domestic abuse.

Thank you!

#stopdomesticabuse

@Southerndas

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4. Donate your celebration You could use an upcoming event or occasion to help us! Run a raffle at a special event. Is your birthday soon? Ask friends to donate instead of buying gifts! Or perhaps for Christmas you could skip all the shopping and make a donation in your loved one’s honour!

5. Donate your goods You could donate home items, children’s toys, or clothes! Donations are really welcome, however, due to COVID-19 we continue to be restricted by what we can accept so currently we can only take new/unused items. If you are unsure about what to donate, then please get in touch and ask us.

Jen’s STORY: A ref uge cl ien t

Jen was in a violent relationship with a cocaine addict.

One Christmas her abuser held a knife to her throat.

Stop Domestic Abuse arranged for Jen to stay in a refuge.

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’d wanted to leave my relationship with Sean for so long, but I couldn’t see a way out. I was terrified of what he would do if I tried to leave.

There were numerous physical assaults over the years, but I never went to the police. I was too scared of him and his family. He had completely isolated me from my family and friends.

I wasn’t allowed any friends.

Mostly he would just tell me where I should be and when I should be there. I just stopped bothering to go out, rarely left the house as it was just easier to go along with whatever he said.

He was high and flew into a rage He wasn’t only controlling, he was so violent. He was addicted to cocaine and when he was using, he

was volatile. He would take out his aggression on me. There had been so many incidents over the years.

One time he strangled me and tried to suffocate me.

My mental health had become so bad. I believed there was no way out, so I took an overdose thinking I was out of options. However, I wasn’t ready to admit what was really going on, so I didn’t seek support. I was smoking more cannabis than ever. I think I was trying to self-medicate as it was the only time I ever felt relaxed.

It wasn’t until the incident on Boxing Day that I realised Sean really would end up killing me.

He was high and flew into a rage, I can’t even remember what it was about. He held a knife to my throat and threatened to cut my face off and kill me.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

I had to address my drug use The incident was reported to the police who referred me to Stop Domestic Abuse. Not long after this I went into a refuge. As I had a sole tenancy on the flat I had left, the refuge worker explained that I could ask for a management move – swapping my flat with another in a different area with the same housing association. They needed evidence of the domestic abuse, so the refuge worker wrote a letter explaining my situation.

Having someone with me gave me confidence While I was living at the refuge I was supported by the refuge workers and by Stop Domestic Abuse’s mental health worker. I started to learn other ways to cope such as mindfulness techniques

stopdomesticabuse.uk

Statistics Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales (ONS, 2019)

Three women a week take their own lives as a result of domestic abuse (SafeLives, 2019)

An estimated 2.4 million adults experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2019, (ONS, 2019)

85% of abuse victims sought help five times on average from police, social workers or other non-domestic abuse specialists in the year before they got effective help (Safelives, 2015)

Annual report 2020

I’m doing voluntary work and have set myself goals The support I received while at refuge helped me so much. I gained the confidence I needed to move on.

When I moved out of refuge, I was offered resettlement support, which has helped me find my feet in the new area. I am still working with Inclusion. Thanks to all the support I have received, I haven’t smoked cannabis for 19 weeks. I have left refuge and am living on my own in a flat.

I have even started doing some voluntary work and have set myself some new goals to undergo some training to help build myself a new career.

#stopdomesticabuse

On average, a victim of domestic abuse will experience 50 incidents of abuse before getting help (Safelives, 2015)

More than 1 in 4 women aged 16-59 have experienced domestic abuse (ONS, 2019)

1 in 7 children experience domestic abuse (Woman’s Aid, 2019)

In 2018 only 18% of women who had experienced domestic abuse in the past 12 months reported it to the police (ONS, 2018)

@Southerndas

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rather than using drugs. I also went to the Freedom Programme (designed to help victims make sense of domestic abuse) and began to understand the abusive and unhealthy behaviours I had been subjected to. While in refuge I celebrated my birthday, which was the first in years without drama.

I knew that I had to address my drug use. The refuge worker told me about Inclusion, which supports people kicking drugs. I was nervous so the worker offered to come with me to the first appointment. This was great as I didn’t need to worry about finding the right place. Having someone with me also gave me more confidence.

A Day in the Life of a Children and Young Person’s Worker

My name is Chris. I’ve worked for Stop Domestic Abuse for over three years as a Children and Young Person’s Outreach Worker. I work with school and college children aged four to 17.

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I support their emotional needs and help manage their safety and wellbeing.

8:30am: The day starts with a strong mug of tea while I check the news headlines. I’m heading straight to some appointments rather than going to the office first, so I double check I have all I need before heading out. Every day is different so I never know quite what it will bring, 9:15: My first appointment is at a local infant school. I’m meeting a five-year-old girl for the first time. She witnessed her dad strangling her mum. Her mum and her teacher are concerned that she has become a lot quieter, which is why a referral to Stop Domestic Abuse has been made. For younger children, I keep the sessions short, no more than half an hour, so they don’t get bored or overwhelmed.

A teaching assistant introduces me to Maddison. I ask her if she understands why I’m here. She says it’s because her daddy wasn’t nice to mummy and that made her sad. I tell Maddison that she’s right and that I have some activities and games for us to do together.

I explain that I won’t tell anyone what she tells me unless I need to in order to keep her safe.

It’s really important to build rapport quickly with children so

we play a few ice breaker games.

Maddison is a little shy but while playing she becomes chattier and laughs along with me! We then complete the POWeR form (Personal Outcomes and Wellbeing Record). Maddison identifies that she sometimes feels scared for herself and for others. Maddison starts to get distracted so we move on to the next activity ‘helping hand’. For this activity, I ask Maddison to draw round her hand and then write the names of people she feels happy and safe talking to. Maddison identifies her mum, grandma, grandpa and teacher. We speak about what number to call in an emergency and Maddison knows to phone 999.

I tell Maddison I’ll see her next week.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

9:45: I head to my next appointment which is at a junior school with a nine-year-old boy called Danny. This is our second session.

10:15: We explore ‘what is worry’. This game gives Danny the opportunity to talk about a few of the things he is worried about and how it makes him feel. Danny is agitated and he tells me that he is worried about his and his mum’s safety. We spend a long time working on his safety plan. We discuss what he could do if he was ever in a scary situation, who he could call and what he could say.

Danny identified who he could ask for help.

Danny relaxes a little and seems pleased that he knew a lot of the answers to my questions.

It is so important to encourage children to identify safe people, to emphasise the importance of talking to others and to recognise that their feelings are normal and justifiable. With this type of support we can empower children to feel more confident. stopdomesticabuse.uk

11:15: After my appointments I head to the office and I type up my notes from today’s sessions. Maddison is currently on a Children in Need plan with Children’s Social Care (this means there are concerns about her safety due to the domestic abuse she has witnessed and some neglect from her father) so I phone her social worker to give her an update on the session.

Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

the different types. Max shows a good understanding and is able to answer correctly most of the time.

We then complete the domestic abuse true or false quiz. Again, Max demonstrates that he had a good understanding so we explore the answers a little further. After this we examine healthy and unhealthy relationships. Max identifies that relationships should be about trust and should be equal.

He gives the example of checking someone’s phone as a sign of not trusting someone. We then look at Max’s self-esteem and complete the ‘this is me’ worksheet where Max says what his best qualities are and what his family and friends like about him. Max says he has been feeling badly about himself because he’s struggling with schoolwork and feels stupid.

Max is opening up a lot more about his mum’s relationship with her ex-partner, who had been abusive to both her and Max, and how it had impacted on the way he thinks about himself. We spend a long time working on his confidence and thinking about what things make him unique, a good friend, person, and son.

5:15pm: I call my manager to confirm that I’ve left the appointment safely and am heading home. I’ve worked with nine children and young people today, each with different experiences, support needs and personalities. I love the challenge and knowing that I’m helping them. I’m looking forward to seeing more children and young people tomorrow. @Southerndas

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12:30: Time for a spot of lunch. I haven’t brought anything with me so go to M&S to grab my favourite sandwich and a Fanta lemon. I spend 15 minutes sitting with colleagues while we eat, talking about what we’re planning for dinner. We do like our food!

1:15pm: After polishing off my sandwich, a colleague and I head to a primary school where we are delivering group work to six children between the ages of seven and nine. We had multiple referrals for children from the same school, so I spent some time liaising with the school and, in consultation with the parents, agreed that some group work

would be beneficial for all the children. This week is the third session so we are half way through the programme. We start the session by discussing what we had for lunch, which involves a quick vote over which flavour crisps are the best, as a way to get a few giggles, break the ice, and help everyone feel relaxed.

Today we are talking about feelings. For our first activity we look at flash cards with different emojis on them. First we act them out and the children say what the different feelings are and then we take it in turns to give an example of when we had these feelings.

For the second activity we look at an activity called Marvin the Monkey where we look at Marvin in different situations and how Marvin feels in this situation, we identify his emotions (using the emoji flashcards to help). At first we discuss the questions as a group and then the children each have a go individually.

2:30: We head back to the office and I write up the notes from the session. I set up a couple of appointments for next week, including one with a mother where I’ll be getting parental consent forms signed for us to work with her son.

4:15: I head to my last appointment with a 14-year-old boy called Max, who I meet after school at his home. We start by exploring the ‘how has my week been?’ worksheet. Max says he hadn’t been sad that week but he had felt a bit worried. Next, we explore what domestic abuse is and

Why do we do this work?

We have one clear vision: A world without domestic abuse.

To make that vision a reality we offer many different services and projects, ensuring that domestic abuse is ‘everyone’s business’, that victims are supported to recover and perpetrators are supported to change their behaviour. Every client’s experience and journey is unique and our services reflect that.

We offer one-to-one support focussing on what is important to each client and we provide a wide range of group work programmes and complementary services that they can access.

Refuges provide a safe place to live for women and children when they cannot stay in their own homes.

We make each refuge feel like a home and provide both one-to-one support and group activities for women and children.

Up2U:My Choice is a programme for victims who have some unhealthy relationship behaviours, often as a result of the abuse they’ve experienced.

Children and young people’s services offer an opportunity for children to understand what they have experienced and to help them feel safe again.

Domestic abuse can have a severe and traumatic impact on children and young people which can result in developmental delays, unhealthy coping strategies and difficulties in friendships and relationships.

Specialist programmes for people who use abusive and unhealthy behaviours are key because domestic abuse won’t end unless the people who do it are supported to change. Up2U:Creating Healthy Relationships works with people who admit that they have been abusive or used unhealthy behaviours and are committed to changing.

Early intervention and preventative work includes training professionals from other organisations to recognise domestic abuse and be confident in talking about it.

This helps them understand the different types of support available for victims and perpetrators and the impact domestic abuse can have on their clients. We train Ask Me Ambassadors in the community who break the silence by talking about domestic abuse and have Advocates based in hospitals to give immediate advice and support to healthcare staff and patients.

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Community-based services offer as many victims as possible the chance to stay in their homes.

This may be one-to-one support in person in the home or a place the client feels safe. It could be on the phone, via video calling, email or text. We help improve their safety or address other issues affecting them.

We offer target hardening. A specialist worker visits homes to give safety advice and issue personal and home safety equipment.

Our group work programmes give participants the opportunity to learn about domestic abuse and how it has affected them. They can then recognise any warning signs in future relationships. Our clients tell us that they like meeting others with similar experiences and many friendships are made that continue after the group has finished.

We have specialist support for people affected by ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation, forced marriage and other harmful cultural practices.

Mental Health Support Workers offer additional support to clients in refuges and the community to address low-level mental health needs.

STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE

stopdomesticabuse.uk

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Annual report 2020

#stopdomesticabuse

@Southerndas

Advice line: 0330 016 5112 Always dial 999 if you are in immediate danger or in an emergency.

Contact Us In writing: PO Box 53, Havant, Hants.

PO9 1UA By phone Hampshire: Portsmouth:

0330 016 5112 023 9206 5494

By email: info@stopdomesticabuse.uk Stop Domestic Abuse is an innovative and unique provider of services to all those affected by domestic abuse.

Through Social Media: facebook.com/Southerndas Instagram: @southerndas twitter.com/Southerndas

We don’t just protect and work with victims, we help perpetrators, the police and many other organisations.

Our vision is a world without domestic abuse Stop Domestic Abuse is the trading name of Southern Domestic Abuse Service Registered Charity Number 1146773.