GR ACE’S STORY: A T EENAGE CL IEN T
Dave was a good friend of my Dad’s. One of my earliest memories is of Dave coming to the house with his girlfriend. They got into an argument and he stabbed her in the chest.
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Annual report 2019
was so scared and needed someone to talk to. It would go in circles… I would tell my teachers about the abuse, Mum would be called in for a meeting, then she would get annoyed with me for talking. Eventually, I stopped telling the teachers what was going on. I started misbehaving and had to move schools. When I was 16, I moved in with Dad. Dave had left by then, so I had no reason to stay. People don’t understand this, but Dave was a parent to me. He wasn’t a good one, but he was consistent. When I got a good grade at school, I knew he’d be there to give me a hug when I got home. Around this time, my social worker referred me to Stop Domestic Abuse. I rolled my eyes when it was suggested. When I first met my Children and Young Person’s (CYP) Worker, I was rude to her and sat with my cap pulled down. My teacher told me to keep attending, so I gave it a go, but after a few months, I stopped.
Five months after that, my mental health had gone downhill. It took a lot of courage to text my CYP worker asking her to work with me again, but I knew I needed help. I needed someone I could trust to talk to about my childhood. When most children cry, their parents soothe them. I never had that. I never had anyone to teach me how to manage my feelings. Thanks to Stop Domestic Abuse, I now have a sense of how to deal with my emotions and how to have my own healthy relationships. I knew emotional abuse in a relationship was wrong, but now I understand what healthy friendships look like too. Mutual respect and the ability to share my feelings without intentionally hurting the other person. That’s what’s important to me.
“It took a lot of courage to text my CYP worker, but I knew I needed help. I needed someone I could trust.”
#stopdomesticabuse
Names have been changed
@Southerndas
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y parents separated when I was five. Soon after, Mum and Dave became a couple. Mum knew what he was capable of, but probably thought that she could change him. My younger brother went to live with Dad, so for a while it was just me, Mum and Dave – and he was really nice. Things started to change when Mum told him she was pregnant. That was the first time I saw him hit her. Everything got worse when her bump started to show. I clearly remember walking in on Dave violently kicking Mum while she lay in a pool of blood. I went with her to hospital and when she was asked how she had bruised her back so badly, Mum told the doctor she slipped down the stairs. I looked at her and thought: ‘No, you didn’t!’ As I became more aware of the abuse, the dynamic of my relationship with Mum changed. Increasingly, I felt like I was the parent. By now, I had a new baby brother and sister and I felt protective of them. Often, they would cry to me, instead of to Mum. When I started secondary school, I spoke to teachers about what was happening at home. I
