we’ve got male
A
gentle man in his late 70’s, who has been married for over three decades voiced a common impression about “woman” nature when he said, ‘I have just come to realise that there is still so much I am yet to learn about my wife,’ due to a shocking discovery he made about his spouse a few days earlier. Is it true that a man never fully knows what his woman is capable of? May be that explains why John Gray, expert in Communications and relationships, fastidiously titled his best selling book, ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus (Harper Collins 1992).’ Could this really be all that there is to the matter of male and female behaviour? Is it indeed a case of the North and South poles that never meet? Everyone who desires a thriving relationship must understand that the male and the female are intricately different in constitution, physiology and psyche, and these facts must be put into consideration when dealing with matters of the opposite sex. It is certainly not a case of “no agreement today, and no agreement tomorrow,” as the late Afro beat maestro succinctly puts it. The gender differences do not make either of the two, more superior to the other. They are simply traits that determine behavioural patterns. It is our response to these behaviours that counts depending on our understanding of the opposite. In physics we are told that opposite poles attract while like poles repel. For human beings, a man tends to admire what he either likes or lacks. It is only natural for a quite individual to feel fascinated by, and consequently, attracted to a quiet female or vice versa. The inquisition inherent in man (male or female) makes him/ her in a weak position against something he does not have capacity for (I stand to be corrected). When there is an attraction between opposite sex, the gender com78
Handling the Opposite by Victor Adeyemi
pliment each other as one’s weakness becomes the area of strength for the other. If well managed, a harmonious symbiosis could result in a case in which both individuals immediately achieve a symphony. Couples in marriage must learn to turn their attention from things they can barely tolerate areas of strength that can be celebrated, to appreciate the other party. These areas of strength must be highlighted so much so that the weaknesses become less significant. When this has been successfully carried out, a time comes when mutual understanding is achieved effortlessly
and acceptance replaces what was previously termed unbearable. It also creates a willingness to learn the love language, which refers to what an individual perceives or interprets to mean love. This is relative since it differs from one individual to another. A lady may prefer to receive gifts as an expression of love from her partner, while another may see gifts as being unduly materialistic and instead, appreciate the attention and time her man spends with her than anything else in the whole world! It really depends on what condition the woman finds herself. The same goes for the man. The need for affirmation is probably the gemwoman | July/August 2007
