unburdening Agonies

unburdening agonies with aunty kk

“he is having an Affair”

Aunty KK My husband is having extra marital affairs and I am scared of contacting AIDS! What do I do?

Dear Dear Wife, I’m afraid your concern should be beyond self, disease and Aids, the eternal destiny of your husband’s soul is also pertinent. I’ll take advantage of your elusive question as liberty to address this issue on a broad spectrum, even though I believe what you mean is should I continue to have sex with my husband? Disturbing, frightening, and seemingly life threatening as it may be, my counsel is: DO NOT cut off sexual intimacy with your husband. Don’t even go there; it would bring NO solution to your dilemma. If anything is guaranteed to worsen the situation and give your husband a ground to perpetrate his atrocities.

The first step I would take in such a situation if I were in your shoes would be between me and God. I would bind unto myself the power of God invested in His word in Hebrew 14:3. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled”

I would entreat the Lord for divine immunity against any defilement on my matrimonial bed. Having settled that spiritual aspect, I would ask the Lord to deal with my emotions and hurt as I would need a forgiving spirit, healed heart and the fresh grace to actually continue to love my husband without bitterness. Heavens must supply me the ‘Hosea’ kind of grace as believe what would keep any man in sort of situation is beyond man.

The next action line is the most delicate. I would talk things over with my husband. I believe if steps one and two are in place, then the truth would be spoken in love.

One very bitter truth that was shared with me by a good friend of mine, who is not just a respectable and committed Christian, but an ordained pastor, would forever remain in my heart every time I think of men and infidelity. He claimed that irrespective of the male, his spiritual inclinations not withstanding, the average man is ready to break NEW grounds sexually, six months after he’s been sexually active with one woman even when he is head over heels in love with her. He said it is only natural that he wants variety!

He however expressed the reassuring clause that it takes a commitment to God and a divine covenant for a man to keep his fidelity. In other words it takes the ‘Joseph’ kind of anointing to withstand errant seductions and subdue illicit emotions. What keeps a man is actually beyond man. Well I have no jurisdiction whatsoever to argue with him but it kind of makes a lot of sense to me and I will never cease to marvel at the specie called ‘man’. What a tragedy from the fall! Speaking the Truth in love in the context of such nuggets from my friend will go a long way.

If we are able to have a meaningful talk, then genuine sorrow in his heart would birth true repentance, and it would also afford me the opportunity to look in wards for my own inadequacies and faults if however there is no remorse, then I would drop the issue and trust that God will work even this out for good. Whatever the outcome of our talk I will take it upon myself to enter inter into a new level of intercession for him. Above all I would not want him to miss heaven.

Dear concerned wife enter your closet and let God’s counsel prevail. Remain dovetailed with the Holy Spirit, He’ll see you through. DO NOT cut off sexual intimacy with your husband. Don’t even go there; it would bring NO solution to your dilemma.

Silent Treatment

Aunty KK Whenever my husband and I have a misunderstanding, it always ends up in us not talking to each other for days and weeks which makes me very unhappy and when I try to talk to him, he doesn’t answer until he feels like it. When I asked him why he does that he says that he has to deal with his feelings. I can’t take it any longer. It’s getting to me and I always feel I want to get out of the relationship when the malice is on. Please help!

Every time I hear a concerned wife express this fear it always confirms my deep seated fear that marriage vows these days are just MERE words devoid of any commitment! Much like our relationship with God, largely mental accents yet to become flesh dwelling in us. Marital vows today are not lifebinding covenants and such can be discarded whenever they cease to benefit us.

At the risk of being called over spiritual, unrealistic and not pragmatic, I would say without any apology that marriage, as far as the originator is concerned is for better for worse , till death put asunder and the challenges therein are his strategies to build us up.

I do appreciate that living with a husband who will not talk could be very frustrating especially for us women who are blessed with the gift of ‘oral diarrhea’ but do not think it is a good enough reason to consider quitting your marriage. I want you to truthfully consider the problem. You too must have been involved in the malice as it takes two to tango!

One person must be ready to take the initiative and the responsibility of

making the first move for peace. The onus lies on your husband

being the head to do this who commenced his love to an says while we are yet sinners

If however he fails to do this the presumptuous idea of whatever , you as his dutiful to the occasion, especially at you more than him. “...I would say without any apology that marriage, as far as the originator is concerned is for better for worse... “

because he must be like God unrepentant world. The bible God initiated love towards us.

for reasons of ego, pride, or being the offended party, or help meet should rise up because it is obviously getting

I’ll counsel you to submit yourself by the Holy Spirit immediately after

for a spiritual checkup a misunderstanding. Allow him to show you the issue from His perspective since we all do have our blind spots. Irrespective of the outcome, make a commitment always to take the initiative to start a conversation, then the issue of malice will not survive.

Another sure way to quell this rot is to purpose in your heart to settle his malice the ‘Delilah’ way. Make yourself irresistible every malice night and you’ll wake up to laughing mornings. Don’t be surprised, however, if you begin to have more than you bargained for. Dear friend enjoy your marriage. It’s for a life time and the challenges are meant to deepen your intimacy with your husband. Remain dovetailed to your husband.

Write Me

Would you like to share your experience, and receieve godly counsels for situations confronting you? I’ll like to hear from you! Write and share with me at auntykk@gemwoman.com Till I hear from you then,

Remain dovetailed with His Spirit

Aunty KK