little gems

Teen-Age Attention!

by Dapo Awosika

Ayoung teenager I ‘tutored’ once, described the teenage years with a qualification ‘X’- signifying Generation X as we have come to know it. As a variable, ‘X’ is not only capable of assuming a variety of numbers as the case in mathematical equations, it also represents various character dispositions. From being mild and good tempered, to an angry stubborn, rebellious or defiant teenager.

Why does a teenager become rebellious? What do teenagers rebel seemingly against? Are the demands of the highly venerated offices of Reverends, Pastors and Imams, responsible for the obstinate tendencies of their progeny or siblings?

Is it the unusual attention they get or the lack of it? Could it be as a result of the constant reminders from their parents to at least, remember the sons and daughters of whom they are, or as the case may be, a matter of having no choice but to conform to the expected lifestyle - obeying the last order?

As parents, do we affect their character developments negatively or positively by the demands we make on them? Do we expect them to obey every command or do we give them room to act based on personal discretion when necessary?

As a young teen raised by a single mother, my mum demanded absolute obedience. Though she had a wonderful nature and encouraged me in sports activities, she made it clear that morals and absolute obedience in the area of my academics was none negotiable.

Whenever I slipped, which was often, she convenes a ‘Berlin Conference,’ with my aunts and uncle in attendance, but usually not after administering the rod and staff to comfort me.

The outcome of the ‘Berlin Conference,’ was more agonising than the rod, since it provided them an opportunity to tongue lash me and remind me of some bitter truths. It particularly upset me that my mother was always calling these people and knew little or nothing about happenings in their own homes. But it became clear that she took me through it to make me fall in line.

I craved a situation, where my mum would talk to me as mother-to-child, rather than calling together a whole community!

Never compare your teenage child or any other with those of your neighbours, his or her nephew, nieces or cousins, your child is unique!

The father of a pretty teenager told me once that he made his house out-of-bounds to her friends- both male and female- because he didn’t want anyone to corrupt his precious daughter. I advised that it would be more proper

to ensure that she never went to school, and that he should get her a personal teacher instead.

A child without friends is only a disaster waiting to happen.

I recommend that teenagers be allowed or encouraged to bring their friends home, whether they be male or female. An old adage says, show me your friend and I would tell you who you are. When their friends pay a visit, don’t take a seat in front of the TV, or choose that time to sit in the living room to read dailies. Give them some space! It is advised to go in every now and then to keep track of their gist. You are then able to assess their friends, their backgrounds and what they have been taught. Where you disapprove of his or her friend, don’t make an issue of it. Sit down with them from time to time to discuss. Let them understand why you approve of Peter and disapprove of Jack, or why you prefer Debbie to Delilah.

At a forum organized for youths, I asked if parents think their daughters would confide in them if they became pregnant or if their sons would tell them about impregnating a lady.

Some parents still have difficulty discussing sex with their teenagers. They see it as a taboo! In my days, a teenager between sixteen and eighteen fantasize about sex. Today, they not only fantasize but indulge in explicit sex from the age of thirteen or fourteen.

There was the case of a teenager who was infected with HIV after her first sexual experience. It is not enough to brand the words, ‘No Sex’! Cultivate a relationship with your teenage child; that makes it convenient for him or her to discuss friends of the opposite sex with you. And based on this, you are able to properly advise without posing a threat.

Some now advise that if their teenagers must have sex then they should use condoms. What has happened to the issue of chastity in our children, especially, for us as Christians?

Many teenagers are now so ashamed of admitting to their friends that they are virgins.

It may be proper to ask your teenager the questions I asked those parents, so that you know where you stand and try not to be surprised by their answers.

What happens in home environment is imprinted on the mind of a teenager. While a beautiful home environment produces a happy and cheerful teenager, a home with squabbles and resentment produces a disturbed child who gets angry at the whole world, a situation that could result in something similar to the recent case in America; where a student shot at his lecturer and fellow students.

While I am of the view that a teenager should be guided in his choice of a career, I do not support the idea of imposing a career choice on him or her. A Lawyer friend of mine studied Medicine because of his father’s insistence that it was that or nothing else.

Immediately he concluded the pro-

gramme, which was six years after, he enrolled to start law. He has since qualified to practice Law. Find out your child’s dreams and passion and assist him or her to be the best he/she can become.

A minister preached once about children honouring their parents, that it may be well with them and so that their days may be long. The same preacher, encouraged parents not to provoke their children to anger and resentment, but to instill discipline in them lovingly and nurture them with godly advice. Parents are the greatest influence on teenagers; they are the role models the children emulate. Our societal values have been greatly affected because we have less of parents that can positively impact on their children. If we give them the attention they deserve and desire, there would be little or no need to bark out commands.

Being a father and a preacher, my piece would not be conclusive without writing something on this unusual relationship. Gradually, more children are beginning to resent “our God”, whom their parents love and cherish because He appears to get more attention than they get from their parents. One day, while preparing to go for a vigil in church, my son stood by the door insisting that I wasn’t going out that night. His grouse was that I was in Church on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. ‘Everyday, it is church, church, church!’ he exclaimed.

Initially, I was upset and asked him to step away from the door, then it occurred to me that all that my son wanted was a little attention. I took off my shoes and changed my mind about attending the service; and I didn’t think God would get angry over my decision.

Every child deserves to be loved. Teenagers particularly desire relevant attention from their parents and when they don’t get it, they go take to other measures. While some may warm their ways into your heart to get it, other do things that get them branded as being rebellious. Is your child vocal about his craving or desire for attention? Does he/she make demands on you through defiant behaviours?

I think it is about time we paid attention to the growing needs and changes in our teenagers, rather than calling them to attention.

You must ask yourself the question, ‘how well do I know my teenage son/ daughter?’

I hope you can answer the question positively. We must invest in our future and this is where to start!

What happens in the home environment is imprinted on the mind of a teenager.

no avail, hence she decided to take a drastic step.

She would eat her fill of the food prepared by her sister-in-law and shared the rest out to her neighbours. The message eventually got home to the husband who was forced to allow his wife to assume her position in her kitchen. What can

I say? That was wisdom, knowing that the way to a man’s heart (at least one of the ways) is through his stomach.

Yet another oppressed wife once argued with her irate mother-in-law about the supremacy of the position of the wife over that of the mother. Her claims were backed by her belief that the great achievement of bearing fruits in any man’s life can only be realized through the office of the wife.

This is a truth I have earnestly prayed that one particular woman would receive. That woman is no other than the church! She is one woman who has refused to assume the ulti-

mate position earmarked for her. She is content to ‘tabernacle’ in the position of a child and has refused to see beyond the Fatherhood of God. Look around and assess her: the Church has no fruit. She needs a revelation that it is only in the position of a wife that fruit bearing is ordained. I can’t wait to publish and release this mind blowing and life changing truth in my book, BEYOND THE FATHERHOOD OF GOD.

Understanding the theology of position as an office is needful, yet exercising the authority and power invested in any position is a function of knowing that the ultimate authority is God.

We should borrow a leaf from the wise centurion in the New testament, who though had authority over one hundred soldiers, yet understood that he was still a man under authority.

“I am a man under authority, I say to one soldier ‘go’ and he goes and to another, ‘come’ and he comes”

As long as you stand in your God given position and are ready to take up the responsibilities of the position, then the whole of Heavens: the ultimate authority will always back you up. So hold your positions and possess your possession.

As long as you stand in your God given position and are ready to take up the responsibilities of the position, then the whole of Heavens: the ultimate authority will always back you up.

Hold your position continued from page 25