The Importance of a Meaningful Goodbye By Dr Bill Webster
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ragedies often come out of nowhere. They are unexpected, unwanted and in many cases, unimaginable. Who would have thought that a local virus in a remote part of China could cause a global pandemic that would bring so much of life as we know it to an effective standstill? Many people during this period have struggled with many losses, including the death of loved ones; inability to visit or comfort elderly, sick and dying; worries over finances and job security; mental health issues and a host of others. We’re grieving the world we once enjoyed and feel we have lost; our “normal” life, our routines, seeing friends, going to work. Everything has changed. And grief is a natural reaction to any change we didn’t want. But this is nothing new. All these facts have been repeated so many times in the last 12 months. But this article is not a review of the past, but a strategy for the future. The existential philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” This principle is a crucial element of grief. While the COVID crisis is not over just yet, we need to begin to focus on helping people make sense of it all in order to find ways to help them move forward. Particularly those who have lost loved ones. When someone dies our world is turned inside out. Hard enough at the best of times, but during this pandemic, grief has been complicated. Many of the rituals of grieving, adapting and integrating, which are essential elements of the grief process and the search for meaning, have been cancelled, postponed or at least restricted. These albeit necessary circumstances have limited the opportunity for many to able to
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have the funeral they wanted. Their seeming inability to share in or express a meaningful goodbye has and will complicate the grieving process. So the question becomes: How can we acknowledge that our loved one’s life was meaningful, even though the circumstances of their death will never make any sense to us? I believe this is the challenge facing people today, who, in many cases, confronted with albeit necessary restrictions and regulation, feel they have not been able to say a meaningful “Goodbye”. A Celebration of Life can help people come together to acknowledge that this life was meaningful regardless of the circumstances of the death. But, some may ask, “Is it too late?” “How long since the death?” is the least important question. Can funeral directors offer an creative alternative to people who are searching for an opportunity to find some closure in a meaningful goodbye? I believe there is! Some years ago, when my son Steve died, circumstances did not allow us to have a traditional funeral immediately. With heavy hearts, we simply had to make arrangements for him to be cremated. But within a month or so, we had TWO celebrations of life, one in the town of his residence with his many friends; and then a few weeks later, in the city where I live and where Steve grew up. These celebrations did not make the tragedy of his death any more meaningful. But they were of tremendous help in reaffirming the meaningfulness of his life, and giving his family and friends an opportunity to say a meaningful goodbye. I believe it is both crucial and beneficial to
