Dr Bill Webster on the importance of a meaningful goodbye

The Importance of a Meaningful Goodbye

By Dr Bill Webster

Tragedies often come out of nowhere. They are unexpected, unwanted and in many cases, unimaginable. Who would have thought that a local virus in a remote part of China could cause a global pandemic that would bring so much of life as we know it to an effective standstill?

Many people during this period have struggled with many losses, including the death of loved ones; inability to visit or comfort elderly, sick and dying; worries over finances and job security; mental health issues and a host of others. We’re grieving the world we once enjoyed and feel we have lost; our “normal” life, our routines, seeing friends, going to work. Everything has changed. And grief is a natural reaction to any change we didn’t want.

But this is nothing new. All these facts have been repeated so many times in the last 12 months.

But this article is not a review of the past, but a strategy for the future.

The existential philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” This principle is a crucial element of grief. While the COVID crisis is not over just yet, we need to begin to focus on helping people make sense of it all in order to find ways to help them move forward.

Particularly those who have lost loved ones. When someone dies our world is turned inside out. Hard enough at the best of times, but during this pandemic, grief has been complicated. Many of the rituals of grieving, adapting and integrating, which are essential elements of the grief process and the search for meaning, have been cancelled, postponed or at least restricted.

These albeit necessary circumstances have limited the opportunity for many to able to have the funeral they wanted. Their seeming inability to share in or express a meaningful goodbye has and will complicate the grieving process.

So the question becomes: How can we acknowledge that our loved one’s life was meaningful, even though the circumstances of their death will never make any sense to us?

I believe this is the challenge facing people today, who, in many cases, confronted with albeit necessary restrictions and regulation, feel they have not been able to say a meaningful “Goodbye”.

A Celebration of Life can help people come together to acknowledge that this life was meaningful regardless of the circumstances of the death.

But, some may ask, “Is it too late?” “How long since the death?” is the least important question. Can funeral directors offer an creative alternative to people who are searching for an opportunity to find some closure in a meaningful goodbye?

I believe there is! Some years ago, when my son Steve died, circumstances did not allow us to have a traditional funeral immediately. With heavy hearts, we simply had to make arrangements for him to be cremated.

But within a month or so, we had TWO celebrations of life, one in the town of his residence with his many friends; and then a few weeks later, in the city where I live and where Steve grew up.

These celebrations did not make the tragedy of his death any more meaningful. But they were of tremendous help in reaffirming the meaningfulness of his life, and giving his family and friends an opportunity to say a meaningful goodbye.

I believe it is both crucial and beneficial to

give people the opportunity to have their own celebration of life for loved ones, especially where they have struggled with feelings that they were not able to have the funeral rituals they wanted. Many want (and perhaps need) to have a more meaningful goodbye in a celebration of life.

The problem is, they are just not sure how to go about it.

Let me offer something that may help funeral directors and their families alike. What if you had a simple, practical strategy to communicate to your community how you can assist them in creating meaningful celebrations of life to enable them to finally find some sense of closure?

I have written a 2000 word “Newsletter” entitled “The Importance of a Meaningful Goodbye”, with sections on “The Importance of Remembrance”; “Reasons for a Meaningful Goodbye”, and “Saying a Meaningful Goodbye”, with practical components such as eulogies, telling the story of the life and the death, and many other suggestions.

It gives down-to-earth information about the importance of a meaningful goodbye, and practical resources and suggestions as to how this can be accomplished. AND, it shows how their friendly local funeral director can assist.

The document comes in a simple Word format which allows you to design, personalize and produce the newsletter in any way you wish, in print or electronically.

If you have families who may have been unhappy or displeased with the necessary restrictions that affected how they said goodbye during the difficult COVID situation, and you would like to provide them with some alternatives, I would be happy to provide you with this resource.

Email Dr Bill at info@griefjourney.com to request your newsletter, and also ask us about a FREE grief support programme you can put right on your own website.

Believe me; I know the therapeutic value of a meaningful goodbye in my own personal experience. Would you like to offer that opportunity to your families and community? Trust me, people are talking and thinking about it, and if YOU don’t do it, others will!

First you hurt, then you heal

Dr. Bill Webster understands grief not just in theory, but also from personal experience. In his book, “First you Hurt, Then you Heal”, Dr. Bill outlines a road map for the grief journey in a series of articles that take us through the process .

He begins with a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Plan for This” that gives people an understanding of what they may experience in the early days after a loss. The book then goes on to give us an understanding of grief, some insights into various situations of loss, and some strategies to help us work through the process.

This book will be a helpful resource for those who are going through a grief process as well as containing much relevant and practical information for those who would like to know what they can say and how they can help someone who has experienced a significant loss. It will also serve as a basic knowledge and layman’s guide for those in the helping professions such as nurses, teachers, funeral directors and those who seek to support grieving people, young and old, through their work. “First you Hurt, Then you Heal” provides practical, down to earth and effective insight into one of the most difficult topics and most misunderstood experiences of life.

First you Hurt, Then you Heal: A Road Map for the Grief Journey (Kindle Edition) is avaialble to buy on Amazon.

Top Selling ‘Wilcox’ Hearsette for Colin Sneddon Funeral Directors Ltd

Our photo shows Colin Sneddon collecting his new Ford Tourneo

Hearsette supplied by Wilcox Limousines Ltd. Colin Sneddon Funeral Directors in based in

Cowdenbeath, Scotland. The business has been serving the families of Cowdenbeath and surrounding areas for 5 years. As part of Colin’s ongoing investment in the business, he has purchased a new Ford Tourneo. The vehicle comes with a very high specification including large folding deck capable of carrying two deceased, satellite navigation, DAB stereo, heated seats, heated front and rear windscreens, keyless start, alloy wheels and cruise control. Wilcox Limousines Ltd would like to thank Colin for his custom and wish him every success with his new vehicle. ‘Wilcox’ Jaguar Fleet for Greater Manchester Funeral Service Ltd

Our photos shows David Aitken and Stewart McCrakan collecting a Jaguar XJ hearse and limousine from the Wilcox factory in Hindley Green, near Wigan. The owner of the business, Michael Kennedy, has been a funeral director for over 30 years. He has two funeral homes one in Moston and the other in Harpurhey. They offer their services throughout the Manchester area.

A valued and long-standing client of Wilcox, Michael opted for aluminium Jaguars to update his fleet. They come with a high specification including luxury leather, air suspension, satellite navigation and DAB stereo. The hearse offers vast deck area, with plenty of height for flowers.

Wilcox Limousines Ltd would like to thank Michael for his continued custom and wish him every success with his latest fleet.