M Y F I R S T L OV E by B ri ttany Sch rank I remember the first time that I was
As I think back to that day and look at
pregnant. I was so excited about the
pictures, my face was so blank. I looked
baby inside me. I heard so many things
extremely tired. I didn’t know what to
from many different women who had
do. It was a little difficult to breastfeed
experienced pregnancy. They told me
at first, but then I got the hang of it.
things like, “You’re going to be the best
And then just as I got the hang of it,
mom ever because you are so good
the fear set in. I didn’t know if my son
with kids.” Some said, “You’re going to
was getting enough nourishment. So
experience an overwhelming level of
I decided to pump more, which led to
love after you give birth.” Many of them
feeding him out of the bottle more than
even scared me half to death about the
I had anticipated.
pain that I would experience, and often suggested that I have an epidural.
My memory today is really fuzzy because I don’t remember much of what
I went through my pregnancy feeling
happened when I got home. That first
like I needed to get prepared, but I
night, my son slept with my parents. I
didn’t really know what to prepare for.
remember just wanting to rest. The rest
I thought, “I’ve been around lots of
that I needed grew into more rest that I
kids—things will be okay.” Then a few
thought I needed, and before I knew it,
months later my water broke, and it
my son was a few months old already
was time to welcome my little bundle
and time had gotten away from me.
of joy! My labor wasn’t so bad, but
I’ve since learned about the powerful
I did opt in on the epidural. It caused
emotions that come with having the
unexpected side effects like the shivers.
“baby blues” that hits some us of after
However, the lack of pain made that
childbirth. Recently, I learned about
bearable. Sixteen hours later, and three
postpartum depression. It can interfere
big pushes, and my little boy was born.
with a mother’s ability to care for her
He was six pounds, ten ounces, and
baby and handle other daily tasks.
nineteen inches long. He had a head full of hair, but I didn’t get a chance to see it because they took him to the other side of the room immediately to clear out his mouth. I was looking for that overwhelming feeling of love that everyone talked about. Where is it? My thoughts took on a life of their own.
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