New Beginnings

My Story and The Story of Clubhouse Visalia

By: Gwen Schrank, Co-Founder and CEO–Clubhouse Visalia Editor: Breathe Magazine

Imagine having an illness that isn’t contagious, however, everyone around you treats you as if you are. Doctors and clinical professionals take you away from everything that you love and everyone that you care about and put you in a place with others who also suffer from a similar illness. It feels like a place of isolation and confinement.

Imagine the feeling of being used as a guinea pig for experiments by drug companies trying to figure out how to fix your mind, but their solutions take away the very best parts of you.

Imagine people knowing that you suffer from an illness, but instead of trying to help, they make you feel pitied and less then and that you don’t matter.

Imagine living in a world that takes away your self-worth, dignity, and love because people don’t understand your illness.

Imagine wanting to die because no one around you understands what you’re going through or how you feel. You sense only judgement. These are just a few of the experiences that are constant companions for those of us who suffer from mental illness. Our society has refused for decades to deal with the real issues that plague the mental health community. An out of sight, out of mind mentality has prevailed. In the early 20th Century, people were still being institutionalized for chemical imbalances in their brains.

In 1948, a group of former patients from a New York City hospital founded a place where those who were released from the hospital, still suffering with psychiatric disabilities, could go for refuge, support, and rehabilitation. The site was called Fountain House, and it was the very first Clubhouse created by people who suffered from mental illness for people who suffered from mental illness. The founders understood the fact that they needed to selfadvocate to find solutions for themselves and for others like them. They knew that they needed to do something to help people get back to being integral parts of society. In the 1970s, deinstitutionalization laws were passed that created a pressing need for services in local communities.

It was recognized that there was a lack of support and services in place for the people who were being released from mental hospitals. States began opening drop-in centers where people could go during the day. They were places where families could leave their loved ones and know that they would be kept safe. Each one was basically an adult day care facility. It provided daily activities like arts and crafts, television shows, food, and other opportunities that were organized by the clinical staff members and activity coordinators.

In 1994, the International Center for Clubhouse Development was established within Fountain House to give sufferers of mental illness an opportunity to be included in the planning and involvement of their own treatment plans. It was a revolutionary paradigm shift that ensured that people could play a role in comprehensive measures that would give them better quality of life skills while also helping with their self- worth. Clubhouse International was then formed out of Fountain House to assist others interested opening this type of facility, starting a movement that has now led to over 400 Clubhouses being opened globally. Back to my story, the Clubhouse movement came just in time for me as I struggled with the side effects of living with anxiety and depression for such a long time. From my teenage years, I felt a deep sense of emptiness and loneliness in my life, even though I was surrounded by family members and friends. As a pastor in the church for ten years, I felt as if my faith was lacking because the thorn of mental illness was plaguing many moments of my daily life. The thoughts in my head were endless and uncontrollable to the point where I couldn’t sleep more than an hour at a time during the night. The exhaustion overcame me and began to dominate my actions, which led to multiple attempts of suicide.

Things went from bad to worse for me in February of 2019. The suicidal thoughts that I was harboring were stronger than ever. I was determined to finish the job that I had attempted a few times in the past. I needed to stop feeling empty and alone. I was also at a point in my life where I didn’t feel as if I owed anyone anything. My three children were adults and living their own lives, my husband I were having marital problems and discussing divorce, and my employers decided they no longer needed me. While I was out on disability from a mental breakdown, they determined that they could get volunteers do my job. I was devastated and felt as if I had nothing left to give.

The last thing that I remember after taking a whole bottle of pills was a vision of me holding Jesus by the shoulder begging him to help me.

Little did I know that the plans had already been in the works seventy years prior—plans for just what was needed for me to heal and to open up a Clubhouse so others like me could also find wellness.

I woke up a few days later on a gurney in an ambulance headed to our local mental hospital. They rolled me into their intake area, had me put on scrubs—with the door open so anyone who walked by could see me dressing—and I signed papers that to this day, I can’t remember what they said. The intake lady walked me through the halls to a bedroom that had two beds very low to the floor, a couple of shelves that were empty, and a restroom that had a dirty toilet, mildewed shower with no soap or shampoo, and an old sink that had cracked, dirty tile. I knew that, as the saying goes, “I’m not in Kansas anymore.” This place was different. I had never experienced anything like it. There I was locked in a dark dingy building with no freedom. I was able to experience what it was like a hundred years ago for those who suffered from mental illness. I was put in an institution.

Later on I began to walk around and get a feeling for the rest of the facility. I saw people sitting in a room watching an old television show. As I looked at their faces, I could tell that they had given up, just like I had. I tried to talk to them a few days later, but didn’t know what to say because I really didn’t know what to think. Soon I began asking other patients about their hopes and dreams, and to my surprise, they were more than happy to share them with me. We had many conversations about their lives, their mental health journey, and the lack of assistance there that they needed to get well. The whole experience was eye opening for me, because I was locked up in a place where necessary resources were not available to us. I could go on and on about my days there, but I won’t in this article. However, I did come to the conclusion there that if I made it out, I would need to make changes for myself and for the people who had been in and out of that facility for years. About a month after I was released from the mental hospital, during a job interview for a program manager position in San Diego, I learned about Clubhouse International. I remember walking into the facility and feeling so loved and accepted. Sharing my story, I did not feeling ashamed. People were working together toward their goals and supporting each other in ways that only they fully understood. It was a community of individuals who were headed in the same direction with the same hope of complete mental wellness. I started to research this program model, and Clubhouse International as a whole, whose sole mission is to help others like me open up clubhouses all over the world. I turned down the job offer in San Diego and decided to come back to the Central Valley armed with everything I needed to open a Clubhouse here.

Schrank’s Clubhouse, doing business as Clubhouse Visalia, is a safe place where individuals and their families can go to start the process of attaining mental health and wholeness. It’s all about new beginnings. And it’s a place where we focus on working together to problem solve the issues that we have within the mental health community locally. We are creating a place of empowerment, inclusion, and freedom. When people walk through the door, we want them to feel loved, valued, and respected immediately. We are a community that will selfadvocate, as well as provide true awareness and prevention information to our county’s residents with the hope of stopping the stigma that is associated with mental illness. We also want to help save lives by providing resources for our members and access to care.

“This place was different. I had never experienced anything like it. There I was locked in a dark dingy building with no freedom. I was able to experience what it was like a hundred years ago for those who suffered from mental illness.”

Clubhouse Visalia is a program that is free for anyone who wants to join the movement. We are partnering with local businesses and organizations to bring enlightenment and resources to their employees and customers in regard to mental health. This is a huge step in the right direction for the mental health community; it will open doors to change the way employers view and deal with employees with mental health problems. We offer an employer partnership alliance called the Distinguished Workplace Champion program. We celebrate the choices that these business owners are making to help our community by hosting an event for employers to sign a pledge to create change, awareness, and prevention opportunities in their place of business.

Last but not least, Clubhouse Visalia created Breathe Magazine as an avenue for giving a voice to those of us who have stories that need to be shared, so that we can reach out to and help those dealing with mental illness who are still trying to figure out what to do and where to go for community, help, and support. We wanted a venue for sharing information, resources, and inspirational material for those who need it the most. This is our time, this is our opportunity.

Imagine having an illness where everyone around you has some awareness of what you’re going through, so you do not feel alone and you do life together—creating change.

Imagine problem solving with your peers to find solutions to the problems that you face. Imagine living in a world where every day you can live in freedom without the fear of people judging you, because they know that you have an illness.

Imagine the chemical imbalance in your brain being healed and balanced, because you have taken the necessary steps to get well and create a life that is filled with love, respect, and value.

This is a new beginning for those who will benefit from Clubhouse Visalia and Breathe Magazine. This is the beginning of something new and innovative in Tulare County. This is a new beginning for change in the lives of our members and community. And this is just the beginning!