FEAT URED
n e e r g r e Ev
The hottest day of my life was Christmas day of 2020. Yet,
the forecast read 40°F and the chilling winds that hovered over the Cape Fear River fought for my balance as I stood on a hilltop surrounded by pine trees, and barren land.
I had finally come to peace with myself after months of concealing lies that only set my life on fire. The first fire was the one I alighted against myself; I was drowning in the mass of work I accumulated in Fall semester, and did not tell my parents about. The second one, a gift from God. I was shown immense grace, and was able to successfully complete two out of four of my classes with high A’s, and had chosen to withdraw from the other two courses. His fire alighted joy undeniable in my heart and founded my newest revelation; I was free from myself. Before, I was trying to uphold an appearance that I had my entire life together, but indeed I was in need of the support extended by advisors, and my parents. This marked the day of true serenity over every bone in my body. The bitterly cold winds were scorched by my radiating warmth from inner understanding that I was no longer alone. I needed to catch fire. Where hot tears of disappointment streamed down my face, agonizing headaches interrupted train of thought, and deep sadness lurked, was now a smile aglow for all to see. Though challenging, the illumination of my flaws taught me how to live again, and allowed for God to pierce my soul with his evergreen love. In the class of AP Earth & Environmental Sciences, my teacher had begun to cover the processes of Ecological Succession. Succession is known as the “series of events in which life comes back,” and the first part is known as Primary Succession (“Succession Interactive”). This is where all that is left in the ecosystem is bare rock, as some sort of disaster or wildfire had taken place. There is no soil left, just the presence of death. That night, when I opened my laptop, the volcano of lies erupted in front of my parents; I was failing my classes. Now, this was unlike me. All of my life I worked hard to get A’s in my classes, and fully take in every inch of knowledge I could possibly consume from my course curriculums. However, Fall Semester of my Junior was tumultuous. I had three college classes, was dually enrolled, and had a lab attached to my BIO-111 class. Overwhelmed, I wanted to make every assignment a masterpiece, but the work was abundant, and I pushed it off until the last minute. Each time then, I lied to myself that I would get it done. The growing list of my assignments haunted me deeply. As I tried to sleep my problems away, there were “little fires everywhere” exploding by my bedside (Ng). 26
May/June 2021
