Parent's Corner

Motivating your child!

As a parent, motivating my 3 boys is an ongoing process. As their wants, needs and desires change so does their motivation. And when I figure out what motivates one child, I quickly learn the same does not work on another child. So how do I provide incentives and be a motivating force for my ever-changing boys?

Using rewards is tricky because I feel you can over reward when trying to motivate your kids. I am not a fan of entitlement and there’s a fine line when motivation can start to make kids feel that when they do something good, then they must be rewarded. I am sorry, but that is not how life works so a reward doesn’t come with every good deed. For the child to want to complete a task it is also necessary to help them understand “why” the task is important. They might not understand why they need to do their homework or help around the house. Communicating the “why” can build an understanding of the importance of the task. This may not fully motivate them to complete the task but it can be a step in the right direction.

One trick I use is to find what really is important to them. Is it one on one time with mom and/or dad (I wish this was always the case but as they get older, we get lower and lower on their list), video games, friends, food, staying up past bed time, money, the list is endless. These are just a few of the motivating factors that drive my children to do their chores, keep their grades up and practice their skills in whatever activity they may be currently participating. I wish the good reward would just be how awesome it feels to be great on their test or at their game or with a clean room but let’s face it; we all like to be rewarded for our efforts…especially children! "Communicating the “why” can build an understanding of the importance of the task."

Another tactic we like to use is positive reinforcement. We want our kids to know how proud we are and we try to tell them that often and provide hugs and loving gestures. This is important in our family, because we want our boys to do the same in their families when they get older and to not be afraid to compliment someone when they do a good job. Words are very powerful and they can be just as motivating as an object!

My advice to parents it to find that good balance between keeping your child enthusiastic and ambitious with intrinsic motivation as much as you can before moving on to extrinsic rewards. Every family is different so I would recommend finding that good balance of tangible and not-tangible rewards while being able to raise level headed children who do not need to receive something for every good deed. Talk with other parents for ideas and talk with your children about what motivates them. Communication is key to finding the right method of motivation for you and your child!

Lindsey Stinson