PAWIS NG MATA Poem by Faith Malaborbo

HALF PIECE

PAWIS NG MATA

Poem by Faith Malaborbor

Tila isang araw lang ang natapos, subalit ang totoo’y ang pag-ikot ng mundo ay di’ pala kinapos. Isang kumpletong pag-libot sa araw ay kaniyang nabuo;

At gaya ng taon, ‘di ko na alam kun nasa’an na ‘ko sa pangarap na aking binubuo.

Sabi ng iba ako raw ay laging “nakatingin sa kawalan”, lingid naman sa kanilang kaalaman mga hikbing kinulong ng palad at ‘di hinayaang maalpasan.

Marahil dahil ayaw ko nang pumalahaw; ‘pagkat sa kawalan ng tugon sa aking daing, lalo lang akong nauuhaw.

Nasaan na nga ba tayo? Wala na akong matanaw na katiyakan. Solusyon ba ay tanging sa ilusyon na lang mananahan? Paano patahimikin ang tanong na walang katugunan?

Ang alam ko lang, pagod na ang aking mga mata— masakit sa mata ang pag-gapang ng kapwa kong maralita; masakit sa panoôrin ang paglaho ng pag-asang sinalita.

At kung pagpikit naman ang pahinga, bakit sa dilim, kalagayan pa rin natin ang aking nakikita?

Pawisan na ang aking mga mata.

ULAN

Flash Fiction by Jane Elmundo

Pasado alas dose na. Pero hindi ito kagaya ng mga nagdaang tanghali, makulimlim ang langit ngayon. Natatakpan ang araw ng maitim na ulap pero mabilis din itong tinatangay ng hangin palayo kaya hindi mawari kung nagbabadya nga ba ito ng pagulan.

“Bilisan natin kumain, Ela. Baka maabutan pa tayo ng ulan, o. May pupuntahan pa tayo, marami ring masasarap na pagkain do’n, ‘di ba sabi mo gusto mo ring dalhin kita ro’n?” Ngumiti si Eren habang pahapyaw na nakatingin sa maamong mukha ng nakababatang kapatid dahil alam niyang masaya ito ngayong kumakain.

Bahagyang itiningala ni Eren ang kaniyang ulo habang inuubos ang mansanas na hawak niya, palinga-linga kung mayroong ibang nakakakita sa kanila. Walang tao. Bukod sa kanilang dalawa na payapang inuubos ang mga nakabukas na pagkain, at dinadama ang ginaw sa balat na haplos ng hangin.

Ngunit sa kabila nito ay hindi rin siya mapakali, kinakabahan siya. Alam niyang hindi lamang ulan ang dahilan kung bakit sila nagmamadaling kumain sa mga oras na ‘yon.

Pero dahil na rin wala siyang ibang pinangarap kun’di ang makitang masaya si Ela, habang kumakain ito ng mga pagkain na minsan lang din nilang matikman, pinursigi na niya itong maisama.

“Talaga, kuya? Meron pa tayong ibang pupuntahan?” Sabik na tanong nito habang napupuno ang bibig ng nilalantakang palabok na nasa plastik pa.

“Oo naman! Pangako sa ‘yo ng kuya ‘yon, e! Kaya mas mabuti baunin mo na lang din ‘yang tira mo, lipat na tayo ng makakainan baka kasi—” Hindi pa natatapos nguyain ni Eren ang huling subo nito, napapitlag siya sa tunog ng gate, hudyat na may nagbukas nito at saka nanlaki ang mata nang lumabas ang isang babaeng nakasuot ng puting long sleeves at itim na slacks.

“Aba’t nandito na naman kayong mga bata kayo, ha! ‘Di ba ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa inyo na huwag kayo rito kumain at maghalungkat sa basurahan namin?” Bulyaw nito habang sinusubukan nitong maghanap ng kahit anong maipanghahampas sa dalawang bata na nasa edad walo at sampu, para lamang mas madali niya itong mapaalis.

“Tsupi! Ang babaho ni’yo! Wala na kayong ibang ginawa kun’di magkalat dito!”

Noon din ay kumilos na si Eren, mabilis nitong hinawakan sa kaliwang kamay ang ilang mga pagkaing nakabalot pa rin sa plastik at patakbo nang umalis sa tapat ng bahay na iyon habang hawak-hawak sa kabilang kamay ang braso ng nakababatang kapatid.

Bumuhos ang akala niyang hindi darating na ulan kanina.

Inisip niyang mabuti kung tutuloy pa nga ba sila sa susunod na pupuntahan. Alam niyang hindi pa iyon ang nakakatakot na hagupit ng ulan; pero para sa kaniya, mas maigi na’ng maramdaman ang kaba sa dibdib, kaysa kalam ng sikmura.

I, INSIDE

Short Story by Hannah Nicole Pioquid Illustration by Blesselle Ramirez

My dream fades away when I wake up, then I find myself empty.

The warm morning breeze from where I fell asleep came rushing to me. I felt like it was embracing me so that I would wake up from my not-so deep sleep. I looked at my watch. It has been exactly 30 minutes since I decided to close my eyes and take a nap. I looked at the clouds above me and as always, it’s gloomy sunny. I cannot say that it’s my favorite time of the day but somewhat the view from the rooftop gives me peace. I put my shoes on and went downstairs.

I’ve been on-call duty since who knows when. I don’t care anymore. I lost track. Today is not different from any other days, I’m tired. It’s exhausting. Same cycle every single day.

I wanted to run away.

I feel so empty. Maybe I lost my purpose.

I am determined considering quitting my job because I can’t can. But whenever I do the thinking, I will always end up back to that day. It was our childhood dream to wear lab coats just like our parents. She was the one who encouraged and motivated me to chase and run for our dreams. She was always the determined one. She’s full of light and her eyes glow every time she sees things that she loves. Well, for me, I am just exactly the opposite of her. She gave me so much that I started to depend on her and now, it’s so hard for me to continue living our dreams because she’s gone.

“Why do you want to become a doctor?” my twin sister asked me. She looked pale and fragile and it was hard for her to breathe but she managed to say those words. She’s helping me with my lines in our school play. We were in our room, she’s sick but she promised to cheer for me. I smiled. She knows exactly why I wanted to become one. The next day, I was so anxious and I felt like throwing up. I never felt this scared my entire life. Just as I was about to go on stage my teacher called me and I ran away.

“Why do you want to become a doctor?” It’s funny her voice keeps lingering in my mind. The day that I ran away was also the day she left me. She promised to cheer for me, but I was not expecting that she’ll do that away from me. Our family knows that we have to give her up someday but it’s too soon. I cried. Even after all these years, I can figure out how exactly she looked while watching me right now. I’m afraid. I don’t know if I still wanted to become one. I still pursued medicine. I got into Med School. I aced every subject. I wanted to do this for her so why do I want to run away?

My dream fades away when I wake up, then I find myself wanting to run away.

I am running away.

The warm morning breeze from where I fell asleep came rushing to me. I felt like it was embracing me so that I would wake up from my not-so deep sleep. I looked at my watch, 15 March 2020, 10:28am. It has been exactly 30 minutes since I decided to close my eyes and take a nap. I looked at the clouds above me and as always, it’s sunny and it reminds me of her. I feel closer to her here and maybe that is the reason why this place helps me feel at ease. This is my last day at the hospital. I finished everything that needs to be done. I planned to take long vacations and travel to find my purpose again.

Baffled.

I put my shoes on and went downstairs.

I dreamt of her.

My decisions are still vague. I am uncertain and scared that I may regret where it will lead me. For so many years, I’ve been in denial. I don’t want to recognize the possibility that I already knew why I felt such emptiness and to believe that I lost my purpose. So, I keep saying that I am not sure what I’m searching for. Was I searching for someone to guarantee me that it’s okay to move on or was I searching for something? That, I really don’t know. I might not be certain about many things but there is one thing that I am now sure of and it’s amusing how all this time, I let myself believe that I was searching but in fact, I am waiting. I am just waiting for the dreams that will lead me to where I want to be, to where I should be and will wake up the sleeping part of me.

That dream from the rooftop made me see that life is indeed full of surprises because just as I was about to let go, I felt a hand hold mine. “Doc.” She said with her voice so tiny and soft. She looked fragile and weak with her bangs covering her eyes. “Is my sister in there?” I held her face towards me and all other things fades away, just like in my dreams, for once in a long

My dream fades away when I wake up but I no longer feel like I wanted to give up.

After that time, I started to feel like it is okay to live for myself, maybe my sister asked for the world to conspire and tell me that everything will turn out to be fine. From that dream on the rooftop, it’s been 368 days since we’ve experienced being in total lockdown due to an unexpected global crisis. I was about to give up, I realized that maybe I was the one who kept myself from moving on, I was the one who didn’t want to let go. Witnessing my sister’s struggle left a huge hole and I cannot bring myself to fix it. However, at that very moment, when I first ran, I was running away. I wanted to leave everything behind and go far away. Today, I decided to stop and it’s surprising how my heart starts thumping so loud. I felt like I was in a world of my own captivated by the things that I can accomplish to help other people and that was the first time I made a decision on my own.

I realized that I am so focused on turning our dreams into reality that I grew tired from it. But what really matters is that I fail to realize our dreams are already in reality. I am already here. I made it this far always thinking that I do not have a purpose but that is exactly the opposite of what’s happening. I am so busy trying to find the cure for my own emotions that I forgot that I am also a doctor who provides aid for people. The world right now is going through a difficult battle because of the pandemic. We are left with no other choice but to follow safety protocols to keep us safe from the virus. I know I was about to witness more suffering and pain and there might be a time that I can no longer handle it. However, this is not the time to feel scared and anxious. This is where I should be, this is where I needed to be. This is why I became a doctor. To fulfill our dreams and to let every person acknowledge the importance of learning how to survive and conquer the challenges of life.

In a span of a year, it undoubtedly brought so many scars that are still healing. Some of us must be in different battles every day, some might be dealing with the emotions that were triggered. One might feel hopeless or one might feel losing the will to continue, however, the most significant thing that we must know is that we are alive and we learn how to survive. Bear in mind that you do not let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t have.

Life isn’t always fair. I finally learned about that. Not everything you want will go as planned. It will always find a way to disappoint you. You will learn how to love people and no matter how hard you try to fight for them, you will still lose them, they can still be taken away from you. In the long run, I understand that I don’t need to find meaning in all that I do because what matters is that I decided to accept things that I already know I no longer have control over. I like who I’m becoming right now because after a long time I am finally smiling for myself. It is fascinating to seek purpose because the more difficult it is to find, the more beautiful it can become.