ANG PIYESA NG ISANG REYALISASYON

Poem by Cristina Gallego

Sa mundong napuno ng pangungulila at pagsikip ng dibdib at pagtulo ng mga luha. Mga tuhod na nanghihina at hanapbuhay Na mistulang naging bula. Mga imaheng nagdulot ng mapagpanggap na tuwa. Isang tahananang nawalan ng kalayaan, Ang tahanang naging mukha ng mundong puno ng walang kasiguraduhan.

Manunulat na nga lang ba ang magiging dahilan ng pagmulat ng ‘yong mga mata? Ngunit meron ka ring taglay na tinta, na kayang iguhit ang mga salitang nais mong iparining sa mga saradong tenga. Mamulat ka sa reyalidad ng iyong sariling karanasan. ‘Wag mong hayaang dungisan ang imahen ng pangarap mong tahanan. Ang tahanang pinapangarap din ng iba, Masaya at malaya, payapa at may kasiguraduhan.

Buhayin mo ang nag aalab na apoy sa ‘yong pagkatao. Tupukin mo ang mapagpuksang imahen sa loob mo. Pumasok ka sa pintuan ng realidad ng buhay at Akyatin mo ang hagdan upang kamtin ang siklo ng tagumpay.

Ngayong ika’y mulat na, dinggin mo ang nais kong Wag ka nang matulog pa sa mapagpanggap na mundong minsa’y iyo ng kinalakhan.

SUNFLOWER DREAM

Short Story by Josh Anne Cipriano and Shane Villena Illustration by Justine Dacocos

Flower shop by the west, coffee shop by the east. My intuition tells me to walk by the east for some morning warmup. You can discern a morning is busy when a crowd can sweep you to your destination just by standing still. The sky is cloudy as if it’s about to rain, hours from now. As a frequent customer of this coffee shop, everything about this place remains the same since my first visit. Should I start scanning the area to kill the time?

Café au Lait it is. The bright yellow ambiance of this coffee shop gives me instant happiness. The aroma of coffee can awaken a sleepy soul. Once I nod at the baristas here, they knew what coffee to serve in an instant since I never ordered any other coffee than Café au Lait ever. I sat close by the window, my favorite spot.

“We might give you a discount if you will try other coffee orders.” a barista laughingly told me as they handed me my coffee.

In the first sip, the roses were replaced with sunflowers. The second sip, the doorway rug is gone. Third sip, I almost dropped my coffee after seeing a familiar presence. The silhouette of this person perfectly syncs with the trace in my memory.

Our eyes met. No amount of caffeine can make my heart palpitate; she can do it alone.

At the fourth sip, I mindlessly forgot to take my eyes off her. I shifted my eyes toward the other direction. Useless. My peripheral vision focuses on her vivid brown hair. Is it just me or was she staring at me?

The distance between us is in parallel, aligned but not meeting. In my mind, I am up on my feet, making my way towards you. Wondering why you would trade coffee for wine. If today was 3 years ago, we would be sitting across each other, sharing the funniest jokes, and endlessly poking each other’s waist. You should be handing me a sunflower by now, not this loud silence. The fifth sip, will you ever come to me and say “Hi”? The barriers between us are sturdy yet it cannot stop us from locking our eyes together.

The hurt in your face, the day I refused to accept your love, is still painted in my memory. I did not know what to do next as soon as I deserted you.

I was afraid. Of course, not of you. I was about to cross a fragile bridge that I never constructed in the first place. Raging currents are down there waiting for me to fall. I was too weak to take a step on it. Too scared to even look at it. You were standing on the other side, calling me. I tried crossing, but the bridge snaps each time I land my foot. I am sorry for stepping back. Each step hurts as I go distant, slowly, and further until I can only glimpse at your blurry silhouette. I knew I wanted you. I yearned for your embrace once I crossed the bridge.

A year later, I attempted crossing the same bridge again. I came back stronger, and I managed to make it to the other side. The difference? The water beneath seems calmer, the passage is now secured. But you were not there waiting for me. I ran a lot of laps crossing the bridge as if I am recalling your presence back.

I am sorry for being a coward, years later and today. I loved y-.

My head went back over my shoulders. Thanks to the loud table tapping of my girl who is half an hour late. The noise she made fetched my mind back in this wooden chair. She handed me a sunflower. How did she know that I have a thing for sunflowers?

The last sunflower I received was from you. I have this feeling, so bitter-sweet. How long will these feelings last? As soon as this flower dies?

I am sorry.

Yellows and sunflowers filled the room. White petals were scattered. Loud music was playing that I bet can be heard across the street. Kids were running around, chasing each other as if they understood what was happening around them. Sunset was even celebrating with you. It might have been the best sunset I have ever seen; subtle orange, pink, and purple rays shining from the sun. Everyone, everything looked so perfect, so happy.

You looked so happy.

You looked so happy that I genuinely felt your happiness radiating, even though I was standing eight feet away from you, and with the love of your life.

It’s quite funny, because I was hesitant to attend after receiving the invitation, but I also would have never thought of you inviting me. We lost connection. The gap between us was clear was too great that I stopped chasing after you, to stop myself from pursuing you. But here I am, still filled with questions why you turned my love down for you; I don’t see any difference between me and the person standing beside you.

I never knew the reason. You didn’t say anything. You never never muttered a word. I couldn’t even get it out of your mouth. Maybe that is why I was so eager to see you, when the invitation dropped at my doorstep. I was so close to dropping everything right at that moment when I saw an envelope saying it was from you. My heart pounded fast and loud enough for me to feel it coming out of my chest.

I did not drop everything, but my heart did. It sank on the floor reading what’s inside of the brown envelope,

We’re engaged!

My mind tricked me for years thinking I had finally moved on from whatever I had felt for you. I thought I would completely forget your soft smile, receiving the sunflowers I give you every day; your heavy sighs of relief when I’m hugging you, tight enough to squish your cheeks on my neck. I thought so. For a second, I was so sure. Well, apparently, I didn’t cause if I did, I wouldn’t get drowned by the feelings I had kept before; the way my heart skips a beat when your eyes would land on mine. I thought I buried those feelings; hidden to be forgotten. Maybe that is why I found myself holding a glass of wine, watching you greet everyone while you cling next to her.

Maybe I wanted to know the reason why you turned me down. Maybe. But it only lasted for a moment. I saw how your eyes light up the entire room.

From what I can remember, you have always been this timid person and I felt so special back then because I was one of the few people who can make you smile, wide enough to make your eyes disappear. You’re stunning right now, just standing, but you’re even more astonishing with that same smile, my favorite part of you, all over again after a couple of years.

I looked at you, then back at the wine I’m holding, having a thought that I tried to bury each time I hit the bed and the moment sun touches my skin:

I am whipped for you, still. And so is she.

I can clearly see that she makes you happy despite the eight feet of distance between. Please, I can

feel it. Especially when she offered you a sunflower.

The staple of what we had before. The staple of what we were.

“You’re my love, my happiness, my sadness, the person that makes me feel safe; you make me feel safe.” Eight feet of distance but I can see the way you brush away your tears listening to the person who cherishes your soul and heart. “My strength, and my weakness at the same time. My sunset,” I smiled bitterly.

It’s like I have seen this before but only in a different color; this one is just brighter.

“And my sunflower cause for all the reason I love you, I love the way you outshine me by merely existing.” You were tenderly listening to every word she uttered. “You make me happy.”

That’s when I tried to divert my eyes away from you and scanned the room. The ceiling was engraved with gold accents. The pillars were white. Kids were still running. Congratulations constantly being shouted in the air. I took my eyes away from the scene, but I can still see the way she looked at you and the way you returned that intimate stare at her.

You are genuinely happy, I know. She makes you happy; you make her happy.

But this one thought is lingering inside my head again. Maybe because I haven’t come to terms with it but it’s here, crippling. It just kept getting louder when you said, “You make me feel things I had felt before but only this time, I am blown away by you and your love.”

I glanced at my shoes. My eyes stayed there trying the very best not to make a sound. Why does everything make sense? Yet, I am still overwhelmed with questions? Cause seeing how she treats you the way I did before makes me wonder still,

Artwork by Blesselle Ramirez

Lost but found (2020)

SANA AT BAKA SAKALING BUKAS

Flash fiction by Josh Anne Cipriano

Lagi akong pinapatulog ng Inay sa hapon at saka lamang niya ako pinapayagang maglaro sa aming bakuran kapag ako ay nakaidlip na pagkatapos kumain ng tanghalian. Ilang beses akong nagrereklamo sa Inay dahil mas gugustuhin ko pang makipaglaro sa ibang bata sa kalsada at madapa na hindi naman sa loob ng aming tahanan.

Ngunit sa bawat tanong ko ng “’Nay, bakit hindi ako puwedeng maglaro sa labas ng bakod natin?” ay iisa lamang ang natatanggap kong sagot, “Dahil sa oras na tumapak sa labas ay delikado na.” Tiningnan pa ako ng Inay nang masinsin at saka humalik sa aking noo. “Makakapaglakad din tayo na lagpas sa bakod.”

“Makakapaglakbay dito tayo uli nang matiwasay na walang pangangamba. Baka sakaling may makatulong sa’tin. Sana... Sana bukas.”