Spilled Milk Volume 7 - Before the Cheese!

THE BOARD

Big Calf / EIC / refuses to step foot in Noyes : Maddy Laws ‘23

- total geek but has a decent sense of humor somehow. Big Calf Jr. / Vice EIC / big ball of sun: Vivian Teeley ‘24 - back problems from carrying several sports teams and always looking down at tiny people (average height people)

Calf 3 / Articles / Salatto, not salty : Grayson Salatto ‘25 - hockey and fhockey icon.

Calf 4 / Interviews / student has become master: Brinly Teeple ‘24 - i have a girlfriend.

Calf 5 / Monthly Whispers / never at meetings: Amelie Deng ‘24

- Overqualifed and not paid. Literal ghost. does she even exist?

Calf 6 / Surveys / us again: Maddy Laws ‘23, Vivian Teeley ‘24 - we’re back and better than ever

Calf 7 /??????/made the cover (multi-talented): Claire Chow ‘24

- plant mother and art prodigy. Destined for greater things.

Calf 8 / Ask Tito and Chetta/ petito potato : Lyla Petito ‘25 - might very well be a fake blonde.

Calf 9 / Ask Tito and Chetta / tiny ball of sun: Ellie Turchetta ‘25

- Short and spunky. Don’t ask her if she rows or coxes (long story)

The Farmer/ has a cute dog: Ms. Kim McMenamin

SURVEYS!

Survey Questions and Answers

SM Writers December 2022

DISCLAIMER: We did not include every answer to each question, or else that would be an entire book on its own. Just the ones we found funniest for each.

The winner for the “Best Answer” contest will have the submitter’s name on it and written in BIG BLUE LETTERS.

Question One: Yeah, Hurricane Ian’s pretty bad but what about that time when _______?

Club Penguin crashed

The Bunn newsletter was delayed

Chipotle ran out of guac

The class average for a chem test was 56

My girlfriend got mad at me

Irwin[Tsai] ran out of chocoalte milk

Irwin served cheeseburger soup

I fell into a pond in middle school biology

Boanoh gave a meeting speech about how sickened he was that boys wapo lost to Hill’s Ukrainian pgs and 4 naval commits.

Question Two: Yay, it’s a no homework weekend! I finally have time to

Procrastinate for the next day Do homework (8) Study for the six quizzes I have on Monday Bioblitz See my girlfriend Watch even more netflix than normal Watch every. single. episode. of My Little Pony Worry Question Three: The real reason we built Tsai? Too have a public school dining hall Lavino was going to collapse into the pond and they got scared arcitecturecore <3 the knives in the ceiling compromised the structural integrity of irwin to the point of safety code violations

N/A Irwin>> It’s a safe house for Jack ma to connect to the tunnels under the circle to make everyone painfully aware of how we took house pods for granted

Question Four: ________ basically raised me instead of parents.

Mary Calvert Khan Academy (2) Club Penguin Stock Khan Academy

Lville Therapy dogs

My girlfriend

The house letter Ben Shapiro

Question Five: What transformative lessons have you learned in advisory recently?

Getting a house turtle is a process that Im smarter than lville A really dumb handshake I can fling a coin really far the eyes are the windows to the soul don’t bwe mwean because it hwurts others feewings uwu

Staring people in the eyes for minutes at a time is extremely uncomfortable but teachers will make you do it anyway Sustainability is the most important virtue how to avoid eye contant when asked about how interms will be

Question Six: Sometimes, I’ll stare into the eyes of the animals in KMSC and wonder _____________.

If they have feelings too “There’s animals in KMSC?”

What can I do to be them

What would happen if I set them free

If they will ever get to experience the wonders of Tsai

Who’s in more pain

Do it, fart

Do you have a girlfriend?

Why arent umbrella hats back in style

Why I wasnt born a turtle

How do you evacuate during fire drills?

Where I went wrong

If they also paid 70k to stand in a damp cage

If they would eat us if they could

Question Seven: Yeah, I’m _____. (Then give an acronym for that word)

bus: being utterly scrumptious short - small height over really tall Down Bad down own wn n bad ad d for my girlfriend soap- super over always (being in dress code) properly coping - completely overwhelmed by psats, interims, no-sleep, grades

WINNING ANSWER: ““SLAYING. Seeking Light And Yearning

Instead of NDoing GWork” -Eric Frankel 23”

Love- loss of valuable energy

Question Eight: Fire fit Fridays or thoughtful thread Thursdays?

Fire Fit Fridays (10)

Thoughtful Thread Thursdays (3)

Morbid Material Monday

Tuesday #ABD

Regal regalia random-days

Throwing fits on a Thursday

Worrisome Wardrobe Wednesdays

Question Nine: Who needs a hoco date when you have ______?

An amazing invisible friend named Gertrude to go with A cardboard cutout of Zendaya

DMAC’s baked goods

Social anxiety

My girlfriend

Panini Machine

A really hot stuco prez who is way out of your league detention (my favorite way to spend a sat night)!

Self love [heart/love emojis that didn’t transfer to magazine formatting]

Question Ten: If not for____I would have gone to Hotchkiss instead

Irwin’s hamburger soup (RIP)

the lack of cell service, temperature, location, low oxygen levels, weather, cold, snow, blizzards, seriously why is it so cold in conneticut, no delivery apps cause it’s so far up a mountain, and wtf a bearcat is

The big red farm pigs

Our amazing and practical golf course

Bathhouse sushi

Cheeseburger soup <3

It being in the middle of nowhere

My girlfriend

Question Eleven: Best dad joke (or any) you’ve heard?

“I”m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by iteself? it was too tired

What has 2 butts and kills people? An assasin

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? Because if they slept with both legs up they’d fall over!

What do you call 2000 mocking birds? 2 kilo mocking bird

Question Twelve: The real reason the faculty wake up to go to the 8am faculty meeting is__________.

To see The Mustache ™️

I dont care because it gives me time to hang out with my girlfriend

Peace while children sleep

To gossip about cross grade relationships

To deliberate n [stuff]

Question Thirteen: It’s hard for Hill to compete with Lawrenceville when _______ is the biggest thing they’ve got going for them.

The victorian orphanage/factory aesthetic

Literally nothing...(2)

An exceptionally close learning community, a place where faculty and students treat each other as family – where teachers know and care for their students as individuals and students form lifelong friendships.

Being in Pottstown

Not having my girlfriend a hill.. like what

Not being in NJ radiation mutation

Having their own coal mine

Fancy barbie princess charm school blazers

Spoon banging and washing a red shirt

Question Fourteen: When you wipe, do you stand up or sit down?

Who wipes? (4)

Girls dont poop Stand up (3)

Not telling (3)

Me personally i dip my body in the water to get nice and clean Depends how exciting it was I wedge myself between the walls like spider-man I dont. no further questions please

Caption This!

principle expectations / majors with a fancy name that doesn’t look as bad Top Tsai bottom Irwin (but with a gucci belt)

DMAC what r u doing here

Teachers on the first week vs in turkey term

The people I hang out with beside my girlfriend when ur wapo coach was in the russian mafia Lville long weekends – literally just a normal two day weekend Me inventing inner demons to fight to procrastinate

Caption This!

thoughtful threads Thursday when they aren’t allowed to say “vibes on vibes on vibes” When the teacher takes 30 minutes to acknowledge the kids on zoom we get this thing called sparc / it presents at smeeting / it makes smeeting go long (x2) speech competition play by play (I pulled it out of my ***) let’s connect the field house full of sweaty athletes and where we eat!

First pic: “No school” Second pic: “Time to sleep in” Third pic: “Time to clean my room” Fourth pic: “Mandatory ‘activities’ “ 1.) I get to go to Lawrenceville 2.) it’s a very good school 3.) the work is hard 4.) THE WORK IS HARD

ARTICLES

Behind the Scenes of a Field Hockey Game : Being the Ball Girl

Some say that offense sells tickets and defense wins games; but have you ever wondered who does the winning behind the scenes? No. You haven’t. During the Mercer County Semi-Finals Tournament at Lawrence High School, Big Red Field Hockey took on Notre Dame High School in an intense battle, taking home the dub. BRFH worked together and fought hard. Each girl on the field played a key and essential role in the team’s success. On the sidelines, things were a bit more intense. Both Jamie Leas and Grayson Salatto stood, eagerly waiting for a neon yellow ball to come flying their way. Both girls, positioned on either sideline, held two balls in their hands, fashionably sporting matching neon yellow pinnies. When the girls were first posed with the idea of being ball girls for the semi-finals, both were ready to take on the challenge, as many Lawrentians readily are. Being a ball girl came with many rewards. Besides standing in the closeto-freezing weather in the dark, we got to miss practice to ride the bus with the team while rocking our puffer jackets. Besides the standing for all four quarters and the humbling hop-skip-jog to get the ball that rolled far out of bounds, we got to enjoy the post-game grub with the team. Besides not being able to cheer for Lawrenceville, we watched the finals firsthand and felt the adrenaline and grit of the players on the field when Anna Hoover scored the game-winning goal. Overall, we rate the experience an 8 out of 10 on a good day (minus two points for it being cold).

Jamie Leas ‘25 & Grayson Salatto ‘25

The Best (Worst) Team

Taylor Hill ‘25

Have you ever given much thought to who the best team on campus is? The most spirited and energetic team at Lawrenceville? The team that everyone desires to be on and that brings the energy everywhere even through the dull winter months? Girls Junior Varsity Ice Hockey, though we sometimes overlook the junior.The best, yet somehow one of the worst teams on campus. Given that we are the best, worst team on campus, I figured it is important to acknowledge the best, worst aspects of our team!

Let me begin by stating the obvious, many of us have never played this sport in our lives. We arrived with the confidence and excitement to become a true ice hockey player. For me, it was like joining a field sport without knowing how to run, challenging right? Yes, it is in fact challenging, but that is the fun of it. My favorite part about GJVIH is being able to advance my skating skills. We have a very exclusive team with many many selections, therefore our bench only holds the best of the best. Our roster consists of approximately 11 girls, which gives us two lines and a goalie. I just love the ability to play so much of a game and truly improve my skating because honestly, when everyone on the team is so athletic, why have subs?

Another thing many of us enjoy is the consistency of the films we are able to find through LocalLive. It is truly amazing that our school is able to get recordings of all games because these are needed in our highlight videos for colleges, but more importantly, for the @ lvillegjvpuck Instagram. These videos are never embarrassing and only lead to improvement because watching my roommate fall on repeat only helps my mood improve.

Another big aspect that the team enjoys is the bus ride home after a tough game. The school wants us to get acclimated to the cold temperature inside the rink, so they give us a school bus with windows that will not go up while it is snowing. This helps us all become better players because the rink temperature becomes warmer compared to our rides. After returning to campus, we unload and enter our locker room, where we then gain more muscle by throwing our bags onto shelves in a small closet beside the locker room. To say the least, we all appreciate the thought that goes into helping us become stronger muscularly, and against the cold.

The team really seems to bond with our late practice times. It is said that these late practices are on a rotation for all of the hockey teams, but I believe we had the 8-9:45 slot about five or six times a week, good thing we love it! Missing study hall and not having time to finish your English essay for the next day is a crucial aspect of getting through Lawrenceville. Many girls decide to take short power naps while on the ice before heading back to scrimmaging or the current drill taking place. Mrs. Willard, who is practically our team manager, is kind enough to drive girls towards their dorms once we finish changing at around 10:30, sometimes it’s a struggle to untie skates or fit everything into our hockey bags.

If late practices, access to many benefits, and constant improvement sound appealing to you and your athletic career, then consider joining our team. The energy and hype we bring to every game and practice are unmatched. We may not necessarily have the skills needed for varsity, but can anyone actually tell a difference between the two teams? Ultimately, we have the desire for fun with

Board Picks

Question 1: What is your position?

Maddy- editor in chief. (not eci contrary to what I might have accidenallly told you I am NOT the early check in)

Ellie- tito and chetta!

Vivian- editor-in-chief part 2

Brinly- (interviews editor)

Amelie- Monthly Whisperers

Lyla- column writer Grayson- Articles Claire- ??? editor

Question 2: What inspired you to join this magazine?

Maddy- the lawrence editors were mean to me and insulted my grammar and im too scared to write for anything else now.

Ellie- maddy dumping milk on her head

Vivian- I read spilled milk freshman year when people actually read digital articles

Brinly- Lauren Kim

Amelie-The all-school email tbh

Lyla- I love incorporating humor into everyday writing

Grayson- To add another thing to my to do list Claire- it’s so funny

Question 3: When a Type A person and literally anyone else in existence meet, they spontaneously react together in a combustion reaction to form H2O, CO2, and one more gaseous product. If Fyou (force of you) is equivalent to 69 newton fig bars, the temperature outside is 4 kevins, and avocado’s number is a beatles’ week before halloween, what percent unicorn is the sun? What gaseous product is produced? (give answer to 12 sig figs)

Maddy- *screams in honors chem* ah, according the the 12th law of thermodynamics the answer is obviously 2.9 joules. The gaseous product produced is contained inside my head based on my response to this question.

Ellie- i’m failing icaps Vivian- 887776,666,6 Brinly- Lauren Kim Amelie- 420% and plant based gaseous product Lyla- maddy why are you the way you are but approximately 8.99999999922244

Maddy- I’m scared to answer this for fear of both.

Ellie- catherine Vivian-Mrs. Teeley, I have short thumbs Brinly- Devan Morey(she’s also a bird)

Amelie- Ms. Teeley, you can’t outdo the doer

Lyla- Vivian clearly Grayson- vivian Claire- Ms. Teeley

Question 5: What’s more intimidating: Your parents after interims or Maddy?

Maddy- maddy after maddy’s interims. I expect nothing less than perfection. Ellie- dlaws Vivian- Sometimes I think maddy but then I remember she tried to put on a backpack while riding her bike and hurt herself

Brinly- Maddy def Maddy until my parents see my French grade

Amelie- Maddy

Lyla- Maddy, when I cant do my precalc Grayson- maddy Claire- Maddy

Question 6: Who gave the board covid?

Maddy- Lyla. Ellie- covid is fake Vivian- Definitely Maddy Brinly- Maddy’s Costco pie

Amelie- Rue when was this Lyla- Grayson Grayson- the bat in taylor & i’s room Claire- helena chen

Question 6: What did you do to the milkman?

Maddy- I asked him to join spilled milk and he said no. What happened after that uhhh, I INVOKE THE 5TH AMMENDMENT. can i get a lawyer?

Ellie- ;)

Vivian- The fifth amendment “protects against self-incrimination” (law. cornell.edu)

Brinly- Nothing. However I did quite a few things to the milkwoman (bc I’m gay)

Amelie- I robbed him at gunpoint

Lyla- i never kiss and tell

Grayson- made him eat the turkey products in tsai

Claire- bring him to club Stan

Question 7: Wait stop! Don’t fire me, I have _________.

Maddy- college apps due and a less than minimum wage salary

Ellie- serious time-management issues

Vivian- to put this on my college app

Brinly- Spunk

Amelie- to quit first

Lyla- dirt on everything everyone has ever done wrong

Gryason- an essay on the importance of geography in the defeat of the Aztec empire

Claire- food and plants

Some Real Life Spilled Milk!

Sleepy Milk an improvisation

Tito ‘25

I wish I was in a land off to sleep,

But my eyes simply won’t shut a peep.

If only i had a warm glass of milk, That would make the ends of my bones feel like silk.

My life felt so grand, And I could actually stand. But I slipped and tripped over a spilled glass of milk. Then I fell on a quilt.

And I finally fell asleep, Because I’m in the eternal sleep.

Ode to Lactose an improvisation

Madeleine Laws ‘23

C12H22O11

You know some people say that starches only exists in a 1:2:1 ratio

But you are special You’re better than the rest

You are unique

You are special You Are LACTOSE

P.S. If you’re lactose intolerant don’t talk to me

Got Extra?

Do you have extra milk at home and don’t know what to do with it? Do you really want to dump it out and waste good quality milk that you spent hard earned money on (or rather your parents’ hard earned money)??? Well look no further because here are some solutions!

MAKE SOME CHEESE - save some money and have some fun, for you can make cheese, and stick ‘em in a bun???

HOW BOUT A MILK FACIAL - want smooth skin? Use milk! It’s a win win!!!

CHOCOLATE MILK - ‘Tis the season! It’s sweet, nostalgic, and great for movie nights!!! Chocolate milk is a classic for a reason

WHIP UP SOME PANCAKES - Milk and pancakes go hand-in-hand. You can use milk in pancakes, drink milk with the

WHEN IN DOUBT, MACARONI AND CHEESE - Mac and cheese is the greatest of all time. Make it better with extra creaminess. And please don’t discard it because of these rhymes

MILKSHAKES FOR EVERYONE - Vanilla, caramel, chocolate, strawberry, just a few of my first loves. Try one, try a few, or invite your friends over to try them all!!! And since there’s no COVID no need for gloves

FREEZE! - Yes, the milk can freeze... You can store for longer, and it’ll also work better with frozen drinks! Try it it’ll be a breeze

GARDENING????????? - As your resident “plant mom“, use your milk for gardening before it spoils. What can I say it’s the vitamin B and protein... Just put it in your soil!!

THE CLASSICS - Cereal. It’s always a good idea to stick with what you know... add milk to your cereal!!! You could even post it on your BeReal...???

If the genuinely good ideas haven’t convinced you, the rhyming should’ve.

MONTHLY WHISPERERS

Monthly Whispers

The Lawrenceville Community

Whispers are quotes that you, the Lawrenceville students, send us that are funny, weird, or out of context. Studies show that there are about 100 Whispers every day, but not all are sent to us. Here are the best of the ones that were. You’re welcome.

“You don’t like roller coasters?”

“No”

“Why do you want to go to six flags then?”

“I like to listen to people scream.”

“You’re fired I don’t even know what from”

“San Pellegrino, #1 enemy.”

“God is dead and PrecalcBC killed him”

“You know i don’t like tomatoes”

“No but these are different.”

“Apple Tsaider”

“I think I pinterested too close to the sun”

“If faculty give us too many A+s, they take us to a dark room in the music building and Steve Murray beats us up”

“I ordered an iced vanilla latte from the bathhouse and they gave me a cup of warm milk”

“My lab is like Master Chef and Doc C is Gordon Ramsey”

“If you have perfect handwriting I know for a fact you can’t spell”

“Can I tell you a dream I had about half the Kennedy boys?”

“It looks like you’re cosplaying homeless people from New York”

“Who are you taking to prom?”

“I don’t know but I’ve been scouting the bowl.”

“If I was a teacher and I heard the first few lines of that I would immediately give you an F ”

“Pregnancy can really make someone go from one to one hundred real quick”

“Pregnancy can really make someone go from one to one hundred real quick”

“If I was a teacher and I heard the first few lines of that I would immediately give you an F ”

“Pregnancy can really make someone go from one to one hundred real quick”

“Day students need to get out like what are you doing sleeping on the couch?”

“He looks like momo”

“Just hearing that she’s on duty is giving me a headache.”

A Cow. By Dlaws

DISCLAIMER** This is Dlaws’s proof that he is not an artist, and happily finds fullfilment in his duty as a science/math teacher.

TITO&CHETTA

Ask Tito Chetta!&

Anonymous responses, anonymous writers

Question #1: What’s some jewelry advice for guys?

Rings. Just rings. A good chain here and there is good, but please don’t make it your whole personality.

Quesion #2: Is waiting in the wok line worth it?

We’re all aware that the food we are served in Tsaii isn’t the best. We understand that sometimes you don’t want to spend 20 minutes pondering whether you’re about to eat fish or chicken. But guys. Wok isn’t worth it. The thirty minutes you waste standing there, doing absoutely nothing, you could spend doing literally anything else. But seriously, Lawrenceville gives us no free time, don’t waste it on Wok.

Question #4: What color is engish?

Chetta: Language is red, math is blue, and I don’t care what you say, english is purple.

Tito: Let me start off by saying that Cheta is so wrong and it makes my heart hurt. English is clearly either blue or purple, it all depends on what you’ve made your science color. But math will always be red, and theres just no questioning it.

Question #5: Who decided that we should give Stan and Kennedy a bunch of knives and large vegetables and put them together and not let anyone else have them?

We’re not really sure..... but the StanxKennedy alliances are real. Shoutout to Stan and Kennedy social reps (you know who you are). Plus, if this hadn’t happened, all of your eyes wouldn’t have been blessed with the super shrek and fabulous fiona pumpkins. (The Harry Potter one was supere lit aswell).

Question #6: Does mint chocolate chip ice cream taste like toothpaste?

While neither of us enjoy it very much, the answer is yes. Mint chocolate chip lovers are weirdos. The sensory overload we recieve is so disgusting and the first bite teleports me back to 7 am in the morning when I was spitting my toothpaste out.

Question #7: How do i get the ick for my crush?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have both been through so many men and have experienced many REAL icks. The key is: and then you have to go and after that you obivously, then, you will envision guy fieri. In your crush’s body. Then, naturally, you hit them with a pinata. And then, voila!

Question #8: How great do you find your day prefect turned icaps tutor because I think she’s pretty lit do you agree??

Disagree.

THANKS FOR READING