Issuu

1 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

2 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

CONTENTS

THE BOARD

Live laugh Lville

SURVEYS

Asking the real questions, not people out

ARTICLES

How to Navigate lville love life

3 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

4 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

THE BOARD Baby Cupid/ Editor in Chief: Calli Colvin ‘22 Galentine 2/ Interviews: Devan Morey ‘22 Galentine 3/ Surveys: Yendi Foo ‘22 Galentine 4/ Monthly Whispers: Vivian Teeley ‘24 Galentine 5/ Articles: Maddy Laws ‘23 Galentine 6/ ??????: Tiffany Wen ‘23 Galentine 7/ ??????: Emily Hammond ‘23 Galentine 8/ Caption This!: Ollie Chui ‘23 Galentine 9/ Assistant? (Who knows): Brinly Teeple ‘24 The chocolate heart boxes/ Graphics: Calli Colvin ‘22 & Stephanie Xu ‘23 Sent with love/ Cupid in Charge: Ms. Kim McMenamin

5 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

SURVEYS 6 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

Survey Questions and Answers Lville Students Valentines 2022 DISCLAIMER: We did not include every answer to each question, or else that would be an entire book on its own. Just the ones we found funniest for each.

Question One: Worst pickup line you’ve used or have had used on you: Imagine having pickup lines used on you I asked him what his hobbies are and he said sports and getting girls I’ve never held hands with a girl before Are you Lightning? Cuz I wanna make you McQueen “You look like an ogre” “That’s really mean” “ Because youre so shrexy” Nice clothes, but they would look better on my floor Can I get your number or should I just call you mine “I think we should break up” Kind of bad because it didnt work. Happy birthday! Its not my birthday. Then what are you doing with all that cake? the one about rearranging the alphabet with me and u i dont really remember Hey girl, are you a beaver? Cause dam*!!!! I thought your feet would smell like roses— like these flowers im holding for you! Are you a snow flake, cause you’re one of a kind 7 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

*insert awkward silence and then walking away* Do you like sales? because at my house clothes are 100% off Where are your wings? Cause you look like an angel... I+U=11 bc you’re a ten and I’m the one you need If i could rearrange the alphabet i’d put U and I together HOW CAN YOU BE HOTTER THAN THE BOTTOM OF MY LAPTOP I’d take you to the movies but they don’t allow outside snacks Are you a lego Death Star? Cause I want to spend all of my time for months on you because you are the best thing in the world and unmatched. “Are you from Tennessee because your the only ten I see”

Question Two: Best pickup line you’ve used or have had used on you: “Can I have the homework answers?” Knock knock, whos there, interrupting cow, intetroijgemooooooooo (works every time) Are you my homework cause I’m not doing you but I should be I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together I really like this playlist you made. i listen to it. all. the. time. Hey babe are you multivariable calculus because i’m losing sleep over you Are you a time traveler bc you look like my future boo Have you fallen from heaven because you are an angel I know ****** ******* (Student) Do you ever wake up in the morning and look at someone and just think “dang, they’re hot”? No? I guess we must have a different brand 8 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

of mirror then. None that I remember Complements > pick up lines Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.

Question Three: Instead of roses im giving my valentine ___ KN95 masks Intense eye contact. Lego flowers Chocolates (13) Anxiety issues A hug A used irwin container Nothing because i dont have one $15 subway gift card A firm hand shake. A pet squirrel in what society is it appropirate to ask me about my lack of valentine? who are you? what are you hiding? Access to my notes app rant about them Nothing, I have none but I’m getting myself anti depressants A chunk of my hair so that they can make a clone of me… bc who wouldn’t want that 9 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

A bucket of assorted blue crackers A map so they can find me My last name The gift of my existence

Question Four: What are your valentines day plans? Question why monday classes are a thing Crying into a pillow in my room alone. Wanna come find out? Share a sweet sweet study hall with my s/o I’m gonna eat heart shaped pizza from Aldi and reminisce on how my eighth grade valentine never texted me back Finally get around to reading the all school summer reading Watch movies and eat chocolate my mom sent me. A milkshake and a movie. in my room. alone. i’m going to have a rumplestiltskin moment. Sleep cause i won’t get much of it at night ;) Babysitting for all the faculty going out I’m single. Watch the Star Wars prequels twice, then Ant-man and then go to the mall and buy flowers for myself

1 0 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

Question Five: The reason im single is ______ Because unfortunately there is only one perfect person, and I can’t date myself Im not Too pretty too awkward I have no game-- sup mamas let me take you out to dinner :D Because he likes someone else *reasons Focusing on education (disregard how I’m failing) How long do we have? I don’t wear anything besides lville merch My eighth grade valentine never texted me back and now he goes to hill… so like who’s actually losing? Ouch I’m a little hurt you would make this assumption, but nonetheless you are correct and my friend tells me I don’t realize when people are flirting with me.

Question Six: Valentines day is cool, but have you ever _____? Made eye contact with Head of School Murray Had an allergic reaction to pineapple Lived in a pineapple under the seas? Slept for two days straight after senior fall finals Finished a practice without wanting to scream? gotten an A in chem 1 1 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

Gotten ur first period on Valentines day while having white jeans on? Yeah thought so Had mint tea? it’s really good Celebrated groundhogs day (I love punxsutawney Phil) Finished your homework?

Question Seven: The best part of romance is _______ Having them cook for you The part where you’re alone in your room, by yourself, with no one around you. The ghosting. No? Just me? Oh ok sike nvm. Making fun of my single friends. I wouldn’t know Presents and then breaking up on February 15th Not experiencing it money N/A The breakup’s Seeing sophomore’s cuddle so closely in a bunn pod, thinking you can’t hear them, flirt in the most obnoxious way i’ve ever seen The part where you have it Sitting together in silence outside at night Laughing at other couples together Argueing and winning the arguments 1 2 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

Seeing punxsutawney Phil (my lover) every groundhogs day

Question Eight: This years valentines will be better than last year’s because...? I actually remembered it I haven’t gotten rejected yet. Im at a new school Because I’m single this year I don’t have to 3rd wheel I’ll manipulate myself into believing I’m more esoteric for being single Mclovin DANCE On campus instead of being confined at home We are doing spit testing instead of the nasal. My single streak is one year longer

Question Nine: What are you in love with rn? BRBVIH Extra credit assignments My ex————-box 360 You ;) i cant say its a secret me myself and i

1 3 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

ARTICLES 1 4 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

A Guide to Love at Lawrencevill e Maddy Laws ‘23

Are you back on campus for the first valentine’s day in two years? Looking to spice up your romantic relationship by keeping it nice and covid safe? Well, look no further than here, your ultimate guide to romance: covid safe edition! Through this series of tips, learn how to take your romance from feral to sterile! Gloves: Now I know you all might be reluctant, but wearing gloves is the surest way to spice up your covid safe romance, with a few added benefits. Not only will gloves make you less prone to accidentally incriminating your valentine if you commit a crime, they’re also great for sweaty palms. Plus, you can show off your expert gloving techniques to your valentine; If it’s a satisfactory technique, they might even ask you to be their lab partner in chemistry (something you could discover you both have…) Sharing masks: While we might not be able to exchange kisses in the name of a covid safe romance, touching your lips to the mask of the mask that would have touched the lips of your valentine had they not given it to you is just as romantic, right? Instead of adding that third mask for your own protection, try giving it to your valentine instead. Maybe even put it on for them. The night is bound to end in socially distant intense eye 1 5 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

contact if you play this one right. Individually wrapped gifts: Chocolates? Candies? Tide pods? The possibilities are endless. Individually wrapped, pre-packaged, completely covid safe. Imagine the delight of your valentine to carefully unfold a completely germ free little sweet yummy delight. Digital Cards: Whoa whoa whoa. No need to risk transmission of germs with a hand-made card. Send a text instead fellas. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, with romance in the air, it’s better to keep the airborne viruses out. Hand sanitizer: The one thing you can share with your valentine. Share the antiviral magic. Who needs jewelry when you could catch covid the next day? It would mean nothing. Now hand sanitizer, that’s a gift you can’t replace. It could be the difference between life and covid. You think you would be willing to die for your valentine? Well then sharing your hand sanitizer with them is the first step.

I hope you take these tactics to heart and utilize them this valentine’s day. I’ve been looking for more test subjects, since I’ve been using them lately and they’ve proven unsuccessful for some strange reason, which means I’m technically at a 100% fail rate, which is kind of awkward. But PROVE THE STATS WRONG! Isn’t that what romance is about? Mathematically improbable miracles? Anyways, stay covid-safe, be happy, and enjoy a socially distant valentines day.

1 6 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022

What Your favorite

Valentines Chocolate Says Abouit you?

Vivian Teeley ‘24 Chocolate often ranks as a classic valentine’s day gift. A large chocolate box, wrapped in red cellophane, and filled with chocolates in different shapes and fillings. A 14 piece Godiva chocolate box will contain several gourmet options which all seemingly incorporate the word “bliss” into the name. However, I personally prefer the CVS mini hearts with five heart-stoppingly sweet pieces. If I want chocolate, I want the sweet stuff that is going to give me four cavities and a headache all in one bite. For this reason, my favorite chocolate is the milk chocolate buttercream truffle, which is really just a fancy way of saying “buttercream frosting rolled into a ball and dipped in chocolate.” Behold, America’s number one public health enemy. Even after assessing these health “risks,” I am forced to reach for this chocolate first every time I open the box, and let me tell you why. The buttercream center creates a perfect texture that coats your mouth with sugar, providing a slightly salty aftertaste, and leaves you craving a visit to the dentist. But what is love without pain? What is success without failure, a degree without crying from stress at night, chocolate without headaches and doctor’s bills? 1 7 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

Despite the disgusting amount of sugar in this chocolate, there is nothing to get you in the Valentine’s day mood quite like an insane amount of sugar contained in a one inch piece of chocolate. That said, here’s my analysis of every chocolate inside those giant chocolate hearts you’ve probably cried in front of at CVS (what? Definitely not me!!! Totally!!! *i’m so single*) and what you should do for your Valentine’s based on your picking of each: Chocolate caramel– you’re classic. Basic, almost. You know it’s always going to be good, but it isn’t exactly exciting. You’re content with your life where it is right now and not looking for anything new. I recommend ordering a pizza, cheese of course, and curling up with a good movie. Preferably a rom com. Vanilla cream- This ranks pretty similar to buttercream in terms of flavor, but the smoother texture hints at some level of sophistication. You enjoy a good conversation and cup of tea but despise Starbucks. For this reason, I would recommend spending Valentine’s day at home polishing your tea kettle and scrolling through TikTok. Pecan cluster- Classy. Crunchy. Like this chocolate drying out my mouth, your conversations are probably dry, or at least overly-academic(please don’t come at me with that hardcover copy of Pride and Prejudice. Please, I don’t want to die without having dated anyone, I’m begging y–). Peanut cluster- To be quite honest, my great-grandmother offers me these every time I visit her nursing home, so that may have affected my opinion a bit. I would say you also enjoy Reese’s cups, which are basically the blended version of this chocolate, but if you can appreciate the consistency of this candy, you have a sophisticated palette and would probably enjoy taking 1 8 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 20 22

a cooking class. Peanut caramel- Excellent combination, reminiscent of over-chewed bubble gum in terms of texture, but quite nice once you get past that. You’re a very considerate person, your friends come to you for advice, but you hide your more wild side. I can see you enjoying a classic theme park date, or if you’re single, hit the solo rider line and let the adventure begin. Strawberry cream- you don’t exist. This is no one’s favorite. Toffee- probably born in the 70s. I’m thinking coast-side, by a lake. Dog person. This is actually my second-favorite, and I appreciate anyone who loves the satisfying crunch as much as I do. I imagine you enjoying a second-hand book store or thrifting. Buttercream- age 7. See above. Coconut- Spicy. Tropical. I’m envisioning you on a beach with a piña colada in hand, but on the other hand, you might be completely unhinged for enjoying the texture of shredded wheat cereal in a slightly soggier form and dipped in chocolate.

1 9 S P I L L E D M I L K || VA L E N T I N E S 2022