Monday, September 10, 2018
howeenterprise.com
Living with children Q: I am reading your book “The Well-Behaved Child” and have a question that it doesn’t address. I am a single mom with children from two different fathers. One of John Rosemond my exhusbands (my son’s father) and I have arranged to do regular “childexchanges.” One weekend, all the kids go to his house and on another weekend, they all come to mine. My 11-year-old daughter (by another father) frequently complains of being in some type of pain – stomachaches, headaches, and most recently, pains in her feet that (she says) prevent her from walking. Doctors have been unable to find a cause for any of her problems. I’ve even had her see a therapist, but that didn’t help at all. My daughter says she hates the exchanges and that they are what’s making her sick. I know that this particular ex-husband can cause a lot of drama, but even when an exchange goes smoothly she comes back complaining of aches and pains so I’m not sure that’s the real issue. I don’t know what to do any more and hope you can help us. A: It seems to me that the solution to this problem is the most obvious one: Stop including your daughter in these child-exchanges. I had to read your question three times to make sure I was understanding correctly that the man with whom you are exchanging children is not your daughter’s father. That’s somewhat odd. Furthermore, for you to include in these trade-offs a preteen girl who is not his daughter constitutes putting her emotional and even physical health at risk. To be blunt, you should not be sending a girl to the home of a man to whom she is not related unless you are able to be there the entire time. I am not suggesting that he is
How do I ask for a pay raise?
engaging in inappropriate behavior with or around your daughter; I am, however, more than suggesting that you aren’t using good common sense here. I don’t know what sort of “drama” this man is capable of creating, but that description alone leads me to think that the emotional climate in his home is or can quickly become very disruptive, even threatening. Given the highly unusual nature of the arrangement you’ve worked out with him, I’m not at all surprised that your daughter is complaining of various aches and pains. Nor am I surprised that doctors can find nothing wrong. The aches and pains in question are most likely psycho-somatic. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that your daughter is inventing her aches and pains, that they’re “all in her mind.” I’m saying that these visits obviously stress her out (in fact, as you indicate, even the anticipation of an “exchange” stresses her out) and it is not all that unusual for stress to manifest in the form of physical ailments of one sort or another. Furthermore, prolonged stress can eventually cause serious physical problems. I can’t help but think that if you stop including your daughter in these “exchanges” her physical problems will quickly disappear. These days, being a pre-teen girl is not as carefree as it once was. Your daughter doesn’t need this completely unnecessary complication in her life. Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.
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The hardest part for most people is the introduction; opening a conversation about how great you are and why you deserve more money can be uncomfortable. I find people have more success with this part when they make it about the company and the future: “I love the work we do here and I want to be a part of it for a long time.” Assuming that’s true, it shouldn’t be too hard to say and it opens up the second part of your pitch - the evidence. As a valued employee, you’ve accomplished a lot over the last three years. Think about those Hey Taylor - I’ve been at my successes, then put a future-tense current job for three years and I’m spin on them: “I’m going to keep starting to feel like I’m due for a increasing our XYZ, just as I raise. I also feel like I won’t get increased XYZ by 20% over the one until I ask and I’m terrified of last 18 months,” etc. Again, these asking and getting turned down. should all be true statements. You Should I just do it? I love my job don’t have to brag and you don’t and would love it even more if my have to sound needy; you’re income went up! - June simply pointing out that a pay raise for you is nothing more than an Hey June - It’s a sad but true investment in the company. reality that some employers won’t give employees their due until At that point, you’ve arrived at they make a formal request. If your conclusion, in which you you’ve been there for three years, reiterate how glad you are to work like the work, are good at your there, how you appreciate your job, and others have seen pay boss or manager taking the time to increases, then you have every meet with you, and how you’ll right to expect a raise. It should respect whatever decision is made. come without you having to ask, If you aren’t properly compensated but sometimes we have to go the for your work, you may have to extra step. rethink your relationship with that company. However, it’s more I have clients who I’ve helped likely you’ll get what you deserve navigate through similar and your employer will appreciate situations in the past. Every you speaking candidly. company is different, so you have to find the angle that works for Never be afraid to ask for fair pay, you and your position before June. As long as you do so with making the request. That said, this confidence and integrity, you’re type of delicate situation is often doing the right thing. Good luck! best handled by a formulaic approach. Essentially, you need to Taylor Kovar - Family Man. make a pitch as to why the Wealth Manager. Author. company will benefit from paying Speaker. Serial Entrepreneur. you more. Like any good project Travel Lover. Chick-Fil-A pitch, you need to structure it Fanatic. Kovar is the CEO and properly. founder of Kovar Capital Management LLC of Lufkin, Texas. Taylor Kovar
Howe cross country team ran at S&S on Saturday
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Both the girls and boys cross country teams participated in the S&S Cross Country Invitational.
