14 Leeuwarder Studentenkrant 2020
“IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY!” ISN’T IT? WHY DOES IT, IN 2020, FEEL AS THOUGH IT’S NOT OKAY TO BE GAY? “In the 80s and 90s in Amsterdam, it was okay to be openly gay. Over the last 10 years it has changed.“ As we sat on the terrace of a cute little wine bar down a dainty street in the city center of Leeuwarden, the young waiter approached us with a cheeky smile. He asked if we were a couple. There is a possibility that my feisty response came from the two and half glasses of chardonnay I had guzzled down thirty minutes prior, but in essence, I had heard this question several times before in many different settings across the city. I snapped back with an answer I too have given many times. Annoyed once again with people asking about my business I responded, “Isn’t it obvious?” A taken aback smile was returned before mentioning that his father’s own this restaurant and he merely wanted to let us know that it was a safe space for same sex couples to wine and dine. A safe space for same sex couples? My question to myself
Tekst en fotografie: Jody Simone
was this exactly. Why do same sex couples need a safe space to eat out together? Surely all places one eats outs at is a “safe space.” It seemed I had misunderstood the true struggles and reality of the society we live in coming with loving someone of the same sex. Essentially the LGBTQ community is clearly separated and different from “the norm.” Gracious in its liberalism, 2001 was the year The Netherlands legalized same sex marriage. The first country across the world to do so. Revolutionary right? One would assume being gay and living in this avant-garde country would be a breeze. Ignorance, in this case, is not bliss. After speaking to Cees van Baalen, manager of COC Friesland for the past 18 years, mentioning that there is clearly a lot of work still to be done in this province of the north didn’t come as a surprise. COC, its head office in Amsterdam, is a self-regulating
federation that educates and promotes awareness of the LGBTQ community throughout The Netherlands. “Our job is to educated society, speak to students in schools, play a role in the political system and keep the LGBTQ community in the news as an actuality,” Van Baalen mentions over a phone call last Friday. Normally, COC would do on average 100 lessons throughout the year. Due to the COVID crises this has had to cease, helaas. Over the last few years, rainbow flags have been popping up in each province throughout the country but due to political reasoning Friesland did not hop on the band wagon until May of this year. Thanks to the help of television presenter Sipke Jan Bousema, more attention was attracted to this topic and a difference was made. His documentary on the journey to be a ‘rainbow province’ can be found on Omrop Friesland. It’s inspirational. “In the 80s and 90s in Amsterdam, it was okay to be openly gay. Over the last 10 years it has changed. People are more careful and a bit more frightened. I think it has to do with the polarization of politics.” – Van Baalen Some of Leeuwarden’s inhabitance have shown intolerance and disrespect towards the LGBTQ community. This can be due to the lack of education or simply not having the knowledge. One needs to keep in mind that on the outskirts of the city, some villages hold
religious communities that obviously frown upon same sex couples. “People are not necessarily discriminative; they merely need to come to an understanding that being gay is not a choice. Some areas in Friesland are liberal, but some areas are difficult because of religion.” Up until my twenty-sixth year around the sun, I had only dated men. During this time I wasn’t getting cat called, stared at, commented on or in the presence of big egos and little penises. Okay, yes sometimes, but I guess my naivety consumed the negativity. When I began my relationship with my girlfriend, I did not even think twice about being with someone of the same sex. The drastic differences that I am now able to distinguish on people’s faces, purely by the fact that my hand is now in a woman’s and not a man’s, is beyond my capacity. To put it simply, I’m shook at the inconsideration of society. Two worlds where I have the ability to analyze and observe the behavior of societies treacherous behavior when it comes to straight and same sex couples. I can only imagine the struggles, hardships and frustrations transgender men and woman have to go through in such a loud-mouth, outspoken world. As we sat on the terrace of an Irish bar across the road from the provincial house, a simple night out for two did not come with the
ease that was expected. While enjoying my two and a half glasses of chardonnay attention seemed to attract itself to our table. A small crowd of men gathered around us, all of which we were acquainted with to some extent, so nothing in particular was thought of it. Moments later, the topic of conversation revolved around the measurements of their private parts. Horrified and shocked we grabbed our stuff and sprinted out of there to find our “safe space.” Now I get it. Society has forever created a blanket of protection for straight white men to get away with saying and doing what they please without any consequence. Why do I say these things? There seems to be an extremely thin layer of ice when being an attractive woman in a relationship with another attractive woman. Are these men now insecure? These well-educated, married, fathers of young boys felt the need to comment on their scrotums while in the presence of woman. Shook. Let me be clear in saying as well as saving my ass (which has also been the topic of their conversations), not every man is disrespectful. For those in the back and who are not listening clearly, not every man is bad. It’s 2020. Some respect, consideration and educating yourself on the fact that there might be people “different” to you should be an obvious.
