COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE
T.I.P.s
Trauma Informed Parents ISSUE No. 3 MAY 2023
IN THIS ISSUE:
Oh, Brother!
A brief look at sibling relationships in the context of trauma
WHAT'S ON? Events online and in your area
THE TFA – BIG CHANGES IN FOSTERING ASSESSMENT Photo:: © CoECT
IT’S OK TO SAY NO – THERAPEUTIC PARENTS HAVE BOUNDARIES
CHANGING THE LANGUAGE Re-thinking terminology
In this issue CoECT News
Page 1
Editor's Note
Page 2
Meet the Team!
Page 3
Oh, Brother! A brief look at Sibling Relationships - in the Context of Trauma
Page 4
Big Changes in Fostering: The Brand New Therapeutic Fostering Assessment
Page 6
Changing the Language - Re-Thinking Terminology
Page 8
"I'm NOT a Placement"
Page 9
Ask the Experts
Page 10
It's OK to say No! Therapeutic Parents have boundaries
Page 11
My Journey to Trauma-Informed Coaching
Page 13
What's on Where? – Events and Connections
Page 14
Trauma-Informed Qualifications
Page 18
Listening Circle Viewpoint
Page 19
Compassion Fatigue and Taking Care of Yourself
Page 20
Annual Conference 'Making the Change - Trauma Informed Teaching'
Page 22
Contact Us
Page 22
www.coect.co.uk To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk ISSUE 3
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COECT News Update Fostering News! TRAINING NEWS At SAfER Fostering, plans are moving forward with the purchase of a caravan that foster parents can use freeaof t.co.uk for free consultation charge. After consultation, the consensus was that no more than 1 ½ hours driving from Wales was desirable. This ruled out most sites in Devon but Haven in Somerset fitted the bill. There are plenty of activities within the park which impressed Kathryn and Alison who visited recently. The agency is delighted to say that it is now in the process of negotiating a caravan purchase and pitch within this beautiful, landscaped and well equipped park. The caravan will be both dog and child friendly and have three bedrooms as well as an additional sleeping area (if needed) in the lounge.
At True Fostering we have a new ‘pod’ of fostering families being developed in East Anglia, we are assessing a number of FP’s in the region and are looking for more foster parents to join us. We are also recruiting a Social Worker to support this new cohort of foster parents. This will also be supported by our therapeutic team with monthly professional development groups facilitated by Sarah Dillon.
New Book for Schools coming out 21st August! The CoECT schools team are excited to announce that their new book 'The A-Z of Trauma Informed Teaching' is now available to pre order on Amazon and through other good book stores. The book is set out in a similar style of Sarah Naish’s 'A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting', and is packed full of strategies to support children in the educational environment. The book can be pre-ordered on Amazon using this link tinyurl.com/y6zy6krz
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Editor’s Note Welcome Everyone! We are well into May now and Summer is just around the corner! The weather here at HQ has been varied and similar to April showers. We are hopeful of sunnier days to come as we move into Summer and NATP hosts more listening circles and family circles outside. This edition is packed full of articles including an article on Sibling Rivalry, where we look at navigating family life when therapeutically parenting siblings. We also take a look at the therapeutic parenting ethos, setting boundaries and how it is ok to say 'No'. To coincide with the increased interest and uptake of the new Therapeutic Fostering Assessment (TFA) we look at how the TFA can benefit fostering families and supporting professionals. Also, our resident Attachment Therapist, and former looked-after child in care Sarah Dillon, explores the terminology of language from a child in care's perspective and the need for it to change to support the child's internal working model. We also have some exciting news from the CoECT Schools Team who have been busy for the past 18 months writing 'The A-Z of TraumaInformed Teaching', which is to be published in August. The book will also be forming the focus of the CoECT conference this year, you can find more details of the book and the conference on pages 1 & 22 of this issue. As always, we would love to hear from you, so email your thoughts or questions to TIPS@coect.co.uk Best wishes
Sair, Sarah and the team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma ISSUE 3
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Meet the Team! The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is made up of a team of experts who have essential real-life experience. We are Adopters, Foster Parents and Bio parents of neuro diverse children, and also work as professionals in the field.
Executive Editor - Sarah Naish Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, former Foster Parent, retired Social Worker, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.
Executive Editor - Sair Penna Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Trainer, and Therapeutic Parenting Coach. Director of NATP, and Independent Panel Chair for two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.
Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot Kathryn works across CoECT, specialising in communications and public relations.
Contributor - Emma Edwards Emma is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Director of NATP and The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre.
Contributor - Sarah Dillon Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Attachment Therapist, Keynote speaker, former child in care, Author (Therapeutic Parenting) Head of Therapeutic Services (Fostering).
Contributor - Alison Douglas Alison is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Social Worker and Operations Manager in two Fostering Agencies. Alison is also Safeguarding Lead at NATP.
Contributor - Jane Mitchell Jane is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter and Keynote Speaker, Author and Head of Family Stability in two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies .
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Contributor - Jessica Jackson Jessica is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter & Lecturer in Social Work at the University of Derby.
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Oh, Brother! A brief look at Sibling Relationships in the context of Trauma Written by Jessica Jackson
S
ibling relationships can, and often are, our longest lasting and most enduring. However, they can also be the most complex and challenging as we navigate our other relationships both within and outside of the family.
The most basic level of sibling relationship is formed on shared family values, being alike, spending time with, and growing and developing together. This creates opportunities for growth and nurture within the dyad, but also opportunities for conflict and disruption. The cycle of rupture and repair is essential to building and maintaining strong relationships, it is recognised, in academia and practice, that strong relationships are less about keeping harmony, and more about how disruptions in the harmony are addressed. When children grow up in families where they witness healthy attachments, skilful compromise, and adults who can repair disagreements and disruptions; they are more likely to develop a sense of safety and confidence in managing relationships. This will be seen in the relationships with parents and siblings but also within friendships and as they grow up within professional relationships. However, where children have been exposed to traumatic experiences in early life, or if they simply had parents who had themselves not learned how to manage disruption and disagreement, they are more likely to have developed maladaptive coping strategies or will feel ISSUE 3
Photo: ©Victoria Borodinova from Pexels via www.canva.com
unsafe and see relationships and people as unpredictable. It is important to recognise that a core parent/child attachment must be secure and safe for a child to be able to have secure and safe attachments with others, including siblings. This highlights that when we identify difficulties in sibling relationships, we can confidently formulate an understanding of security in the parent child dynamic. It goes without saying that this does not mean the parent is doing anything ‘wrong’ or that the parenting is harmful, this can simply be that the child has experienced attachment difficulties or disruption prior. When this is considered in the more complex world of children who have experienced trauma and are placed outside their family of origin there are multiple strands to consider. Keeping siblings together is focussed on ensuring children do not have additional loss and bereavement, however the sibling dynamic and difficulties occurred through a trauma bond. Research suggests that children placed with siblings had complex
and conflictual relationships, and that there is a higher rate of adoption breakdown in children placed in families where there are already birth children present and are needing to build a new sibling relationship too. The challenges faced with siblings who experience trauma are far too vast to include in one article, however there are some core challenges these children face. In families where significant change occurred following the birth of one of the children, such as children being removed after the birth of a sibling, the other child(ren) can hold a belief that their arrival was the reason for the disruption, and this can cause a degree of subconscious resentment. Similarly, where one child was well cared for at the expense of the others, can again become the source of resentment. Similarly, where a sibling looks or sounds like a family member who caused them harm, every time they are around their brother or sister their whole sensory system can be triggered causing immeasurable fear and grief and addressing this can be a challenge. Trying to develop a secure and loving relationship with someone T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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you blame for the loss of your family can be incredibly challenging and whilst trying to reconcile your own trauma and life changes at such a young age makes this feel impossible. Some siblings have had to take on the role of the protector or carer and once in a new home, this responsibility is dramatically removed from them. Children find this challenging as they see their siblings as their responsibility and have become ‘parents’ We need to safely support these children to find trust and safety in the adult to meet their sibling's needs and this can be challenging. Unfortunately, in more concerning dynamics children are mimicking abuse they have witnessed, are displaying harmful sexual or physical behaviour towards siblings, or have defined beliefs and roles around gender in the sibling relationships. For theses families, it creates a challenged in keeping all children safe.
What is important to remember is that a child’s safety is established via their primary attachment figure, in most cases this is the mother or father but then can become a kinship or foster parent or adopter, therapeutic parent. Each other person in the household who is also bonded or seeking a relationship with that adult becomes a threat to the child’s attachment with the therapeutic parent. In several families, we see challenging sibling dynamics, that at the core are built around the child seeing their brother or sister as a threat to the attachment they have to the therapeutic parent.
This is a topic shrouded in complexity and often shame and blame, this will only further harm the dynamics and the focus needs to be around developing security and safety and moving forward with therapeutic strategies.
Want to find out more on this topic? Listen to Jessica on the CoECT Podcast Series
In such situations work has often been focussed around building the sibling relationship, however the focus could be redirected to the parent child relationship as when the security in the attachment with the therapeutic parent improves as will the sibling relationship change.
Would YOU like to run a Listening Circle in your area? It's really straightforward and you get FREE membership to NATP!
www.coect.co.uk
Contact listeningcircles@coect.co.uk to arrange an informal chat
To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk
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BIG CHANGES IN FOSTERING! THE BRAND NEW THERAPEUTIC FOSTERING ASSESSMENT (TFA) Written By Sair Penna ©LAONG from LAONG via www.canva.com
Therapeutic Fostering Assessment
W
ending and the child has to move unexpectedly. This has a huge impact on the child and the fostering family. It also creates a great deal of work for the Social Workers!
We felt it was essential to overhaul the current process to make it less time consuming for Social Workers, but yet getting to the absolute heart of the issue. That is preparing applicants for the task of looking after children who have suffered trauma. There is no getting away from that and there is no sugarcoating of it.
Over the years, at the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma, we have felt it to be imperative to tackle the root cause of these breakdowns. Many times, we have been involved in advocating for fostering families where an unplanned ending has happened. Almost always, the foster parents have spoken about a lack of preparedness and training which was not relevant to the task.
How we did it When we started writing the TFA and associated training, we looked at all the things that were going wrong, or that people had complained about with the system they were using. Sarah Naish had been assessed as a foster parent 35 years ago using the same assessment as is used today,
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hy we needed a change? One of the issues in fostering that affects everyone in the team is when there is an unplanned
although there have been add-ons and updates. We formed a Focus Group made up of Social Workers, Panel members, Foster Parents, Assessors, Panel chairs and Agency Decision Makers. They were unanimous about all the things they didn't like and luckily it seemed to all be the same things! Duplication, not feeling like they had a real sense of the applicant, and most importantly applicants feeling they were not properly prepared for the task of fostering. We felt it was really important to streamline the entire process. Make sure that all the training was embedded within the Assessment, and we removed the need for further basic training which many T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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foster parents told us they found to be largely irrelevant. We spent about a year fine-tuning the new Assessment and the integrated Level 2 Therapeutic Fostering Qualification. What happened next? After the pilot completed, Sarah Naish and I became busier due to the high levels of interest from Local Authorities and Independent Fostering Agencies in our TFA and qualification. Why all the excitement? Well, Social workers and administrators are enjoying the more streamlined assessment, which they feel brings out the best in the applicants. The TFA speak to the applicants, not about them. This creates an interesting and logical ‘story’ which brings the applicants alive for Panel and makes use of modern media too.
If you would like to know more about Therapeutic Fostering you can listen to our Podcast in the Therapeutic Parenting Series Podcast series 1 Episode 11 www.coect.co.uk/podcasts
What's next? The TFA launch has been so successful it is now being used in England, Scotland and Wales. We are now working on an Assessment and Qualification process for Connected / Kinship Carers in partnership with an English Local Authority. Please note: Due to the demand for training and licensing of the TFA, we only accept one client per month, so we can fully support them in the changeover period.
Applicants find the assessment process to be enjoyable and interesting and they love the fact that not only can they complete the training largely online, but its video-based too. It's all outsourced to our training company, relieving a great deal of pressure on the social workers and admin team. Agencies and Local Authorities also like the fact that if they want to, they can get groups of applicants together and just join in the training by putting up the videos we've prepared for them. No need for more time spent doing the training and PowerPoints. It's been amazing and rewarding to hear the feedback from the Local Authorities and Agencies who have started using the TFA. It's been overwhelmingly positive, and applicants feel much better prepared for the task of fostering. Best of all, we know that this means Foster Parents are professionally qualified for the task and are prepared for trauma-based behaviours- and that means stability for our children. ISSUE 3
To see our short informative webinar on the TFA and integrated Level 2 Therapeutic Fostering Qualification you can watch this on the link below https://tinyurl.com/52u8dax3 T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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Photo: ©Deyan GeorgLev from Getty Images via www.canva.com
CHANGING THE LANGUAGE Re-thinking Terminology - A child's perspective. Written by Sarah Dillon Imagine coming into care and struggling to understand all the terminology. What might these things mean to a child who has no understanding of such terms but quickly has to work them out for themselves?.. 1. Carer: a person who will now look after me and gets paid for it. 2. Respite: Going to stay with more strangers cos the ‘carer’ can’t cope with me or wants a break from me. 3. Contact: Seeing the people I’ve been taken away from, Mum, Dad etc for a short amount of time in a depressing room at a contact centre. Or for some children, contact means having to see the person/people who hurt them as they’re too scared to say they don’t want to. 4. Placement: not sure what this means yet but sounds a lot like placemat! Maybe it means I’m just staying here for a bit, much like a lodger. 5. Birth children: The special ones who live here. The loved ones. 6. Short-term: you’ll soon be out the door. 7. Long-term: out the door at 18yrs old. 8. Permanence: never going home. 9. Behaviours: All the things I do wrong and prove that I’m bad. 10. Staying Put: Might get to stay a bit longer once I’m 18. 11. Giving notice: out the door in 28 days (rest assured I’ll be gone before then) 12. Residential Unit: Prison where all the bad kids live who no one wants. 13. Step Down: Worse than the rest (will be terrifying then). 4. Adoption: My sister’s been adopted. She’s wanted more than me. More proof I’m crap! Will I ever see her again? 15. Therapy: Going into a room on my own with a stranger who wants me to talk about my problems and why I am such a bad kid (like I’m gonna do that). ISSUE 3
16. Social Workers: people who take you away or yet another stranger who is allowed in my bedroom even though I’m scared and the carer said it’s my private space……. Social workers are also adults who make promises and hardly ever keep them. They ask stupid questions like what are my wishes and feelings! Well I can easily answer that but I don’t. My wishes are to not be in care, to get my sister back, go back home (not always though if very scared), have more chocolate, go to bed late and play video games. As for feelings, what are they??? 17. Supervising Social Workers: More strangers who come into my room asking the same stupid questions then ticking lots of boxes on their laptop with the carer. 18. LAC Reviews: obviously I’m lacking something! Stupid meetings with loads of adults who make more promises and never keep them. Scary as well as I don’t know who to sit with. With my mum, my Carer might be upset, but if I sit with my Carer, my mum will definitely be upset! 19. Consequences: I don’t give a shite what these are, I ain’t doing them anyway! Taking stuff off me is stupid and it’s not yours so I’ll get you back for it one way or another or I probably don’t deserve nice stuff anyway so I’ll just break it. 20. Boundaries: Stupid rules made by idiots. Even if I try to keep within them, I can’t keep it up for long and then get another stupid consequence. 21. Reward charts: More proof I’m crap. 22. Panel: Where the carer has to go once a year to see if he/she can still look after me. 23. Court: One step before prison where people with strange clothes and hair decide what’s my future is... We must look again at the terminology we use and think about how many of the words we use can depersonalise a child and minimise their experience of being in care. T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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I am NOT a PLACEMENT! I am NOT a placement, I’m a vulnerable, innocent child Not to be depersonalised, insulted and reviled. I am NOT a nightmare, a burden or a brat I didn’t ask to be here so please don’t call me that. I am NOT a respite, short-term, long-term match I am a little person. A frightened one in fact! I am NOT a solo, I’m the eldest child of three But due to my behaviours, they’ve granted enhanced fees. I am NOT a LAC, a Step Down or a Bridge Chucked around the system like a second-hand fridge! To live within a family should be my human right And I should never have to ask Where will I sleep tonight? Poem written by Sarah Dillon Have you watched the recorded version of "I am NOT a Placement"? You can find the recorded version of the poem by Sarah Dillon produced by CoECT at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyJ6g9B6dFI
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ASK THE EXPERTS Let our team of experts with first-hand experience, guide you through some of those tricky TIP moments!
My 8-year-old adopted daughter seems to panic every time I am out of her sight. She needs so much reassurance and bedtime is a nightmare. Can you help please?. TC Epsom
Sarah Dillon replies: Children who have experienced trauma and neglect have not developed object permanence sufficiently. This means that an older child who is in care can reexperience a sense of abandonment every time their primary care giver is out of their line of sight. Object permanence typically starts to develop between 4 and 7 months of age and involves a baby’s understanding that even when they can’t see an object, it is still there. Before the baby understands this concept, things that leave his view have ceased to exist. As a result of this, a child may follow us everywhere or may constantly chatter and ask nonsense questions through fear of invisibility and fear of being forgotten. Often, these children have numerous sleep issues. They may struggle to go to sleep at night because they intrinsically believe that when the adult leaves the room they are no longer available for them, particularly if nobody consistently got up to them in the night when they were babies. A child may repeatedly say ‘hello’ to an adult whenever they walk back into a room after a brief absence (for example a toilet break or to make a cuppa), as if they’ve been away for a significant period of time. We may also see problems in school because once we have left the child at school they struggle to believe that we still exist and, indeed, that we will return to collect them at the end of the day. When we explore this further it is understandable that, due to the ruptured attachment the child has been conditioned to believe that adults are temporary figures.
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Adults don’t stick around, and when they leave they’re gone for ever. Some helpful strategies might be; Using narratives: Letting them know that you can see they are worried that you have forgotten them and reminding them that you haven’t. Sand timers at night or a coloured clock in the room: Using a sand timer to help the child to go to sleep. Let the child know that once the sand has fallen through, we will return. Go back into the child’s room for a minute and connect with them before turning the timer over again. This helps the child to know that when we leave, we always return. Sing or make noise when you are downstairs and the child is in bed. This helps the child to realise that you still exist/haven’t left even though they can’t see you and that nothing bad is happening to you whilst they are in bed. A photograph of you at school because you miss them as opposed to them missing you! Having something that smells of you Draw a heart on your wrist and also on the child’s to remind them that you are there when they are away from you You can find more useful strategies like this in our Therapeutic Parenting Podcast series which can be found at www.coect.co.uk/podcasts
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IT'S OK TO SAY ‘NO’!
Illustration from The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting Naish/ Dillon JKP
Therapeutic Parents have boundaries Written By Sarah Naish
R
ecently I was contacted by a member of NATP who said, “I can’t
do
therapeutic
parenting because I can't just sit here and empathise
with my child while they hit me”! I said, “Good, because that is NOT THERAPEUTIC PARENTING”!
At our Listening Circles and training events, parents often express confusion, (in relation to boundary setting), between ‘Gentle Parenting, Standard Parenting, Therapeutic/ Trauma Informed Parenting and also what I refer to as ‘Unsafe Parenting’, which I will
The boundaries which we put in place need to be very firm. The Therapeutic Parent cannot allow a child to do something today, which he was not allowed to do yesterday, or vice versa. Any changes to boundaries need to be done slowly and carefully as the child develops. In our book ‘The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting’, Sarah Dillon and I described the need for boundaries like this: ‘Often our children have had a very difficult start in life and are unsure about ISSUE 3
It is tempting to overcompensate and ‘make allowances’… leading to UNSAFE parenting. Unsafe parenting might allow children to ‘fall off the cliff’ by permitting without challenge, violence, aggression, rudeness, conflict and extreme behaviours but avoids (the) parent expressing anger and reinforcing boundaries, instead using misplaced empathy in all situations.
does not mean that we are ‘too soft’ and confuse our children by not being clear about our expectations of them. My children would have described me as ‘strict’ or ‘no nonsense’. Well, I was. I was ‘the unassailable safe base’. This meant that ‘no meant no’ and the children could rely on what I said and did. So, for example it's ok to show anger and say loudly 'Stop that right now' BUT then we move swiftly to repair. 'It's ok/you're safe/ I've got you/I still love you' etc but that behaviour is not acceptable.' Illustration from The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting Naish/ Dillon JKP
describe later.
what is and is not ok. (It feels as if) suddenly they are plopped on top of a new ‘cliff top’, with no idea about what the rules are. It can feel like trying to navigate the top of a cliff blindfolded!
Therapeutic Parenting DOES NOT! Our children NEED us to be the unassailable safe base. To be strong through instruction and direction where the boundaries are, and to be clear with them about what is, and is NOT ok. As Therapeutic Parents we respond empathically and with nurture, often metaphorically holding up a mirror to our children’s behaviour, but this T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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We TELL our children what we expect, we don't ask them i.e. 'It's time to lay the table. Thank you!' Not 'Please can you help me and lay the table?' Trauma-informed parents also tend to implement a strong routine from the outset. This is an integral part of boundary setting. They may not have planned to have such strong routines, but they do so due to the identified needs of their child. These routines are largely inflexible, as the purpose is to allow the child to feel safe and to be able to predict their life, maybe for the first time. The Therapeutic Parent has to be seen to be safe, secure and ‘in charge’ at all times. Think serenity! Expressed doubt will lead to feelings of insecurity in the child and a very fast decline into chaos and fear. I often considered myself to be the steam train, running along the track, pulling my five little carriages. The carriages would do their best to ‘de rail’ me or jump onto an adjacent track and start going off at a tangent. Part of the conscious, therapeutic response is about staying on track and keeping on moving forwards. This is what keeps the boundaries strong.
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Our children often behave in unacceptable ways. It is our job to steer them using clear direction and strong boundaries
I know we often have children where difficult behaviours are entrenched already. We have to start how we mean to go on. Firm boundaries using natural or logical consequences to build connection and cause and effect… WITH nurture and repair. I can almost hear you all saying now, ‘But what about when they break a boundary? What do I do’? Well then, its all about consequences. And that is for another article!
The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting gives you some great bite sized essential tips, in the form of easy to remember analogies and illustrations. Available from Amazon, Jessica Kingsley Publishing and all good book shops.
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My journey to trauma-informed coaching Written by Laura Taylor
I
didn’t really know what I wanted to do when I “grew up” but I knew it had to involve people and not products. My early career was in local government administration which led to an admin role in Children’s Services. From there, listening to social workers, parents and foster parents made me realise I wanted a piece of the action! I moved from admin to family support to student social worker and being qualified in a short space of time. I loved working with families but loved working with foster parents more. It meant the last 7 years of my career has been assessing and supporting them.
was possible. It adapted the way I held conversations during supervision sessions and gave me the confidence to challenge other professionals and senior members of staff when I could see that a trauma informed lens was not being used on a child in care.
What fascinated me most was the insight I gained into compassion fatigue. Having a clear understanding of the difference between this and blocked care really helped me to pick apart the barriers for some of the carers I worked with as well as consider how to create more balance in their lives to really flourish in providing care for the children in their homes. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” During this time I could see a clear never felt more real! difference in those carers who really “got” trauma and those who didn’t. Not Similarly my learning of how trauma is to mention the effects this has on the often mistaken for a diagnosis was children in their care. I was lucky taken further. Using comparison tables enough to hear Sarah speak at our and case studies to think about Annual Fostering Conference in 2018 whether a child really had ASD, PDA etc. and it was safe to say I was hooked! I or if we were seeing trauma related felt like a sponge that day, absorbing behaviours and survival strategies, was the knowledge and anecdotes they a great help in how I supported not just shared, vigorously making notes on foster parents but my colleagues too. how I would approach certain Getting them to consider the basics of behaviours with foster parents and therapeutic parenting within their care how I would encourage them to read and being consistent, the "unassailable the books and watch the YouTube safe base”, was so important. videos. I read the books cover to cover and was so proud of how my practice As my role developed into recruiting was changing for the better. But I knew and training new foster parents I was there was more to come. able to include things like the impact
During the course there was a good variety of learning packages including videos, quizzes, research and case studies to help me develop my knowledge. The coaching units then allowed me to apply the theory to practice with some real life cases. I was able to work with a foster parent and an adoptive mother to support them, considering their goals and desired outcomes. There was also opportunity to think about their own self-care to avoid compassion fatigue and evidence my coaching skills to complete the qualification. The support I was offered as a learner was great. Both my assessors were readily on hand to answer any questions I had or proof read assignments that I felt needed some more work. They also introduced me to the private Facebook group which has other learners in so we could all offer each other peer support when needed. It felt good not to be isolated in my learning.
Since completing the course I have been offered the fantastic opportunity to become an associate trainer with Inspire Training and The Trauma Revolution. It has been great to offer my knowledge and expertise around various trauma related behaviours and challenges for parents/carers. Whether it’s a one hour webinar or a half day course, the skills I gained on my journey to becoming a coach are put to good use and I look forward to working with of trauma on the brain, the use of PACE In 2021 I was funded to undertake the and the importance of empathy into members of the group for a long time yet. Level 3 Therapeutic Parenting Diploma the pre-approval training course. and then the coaching units to complete my qualification. I completed It really helped me to see who More information on the Traumaroughly one unit a month and as I understood and who needed more Informed Coaching pathway can continued to work with foster parents, I support to change their parenting be found on page 18 of this issue. found I was sharing information and style.
educating them more than I thought ISSUE 3
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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS May - July 2023 PEER SUPPORT - VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLES Virtual Listening Circle Dates 20th May – 31st July 2023 Monday 5th June 2023 – Virtual Listening Circle for Australia https://tinyurl.com/286pkbn4 Monday 3rd July 2023 – Virtual Listening Circle for Australia https://tinyurl.com/2e946ys2 Friday 14th July 2023 – Virtual Listening Circle Hosted by Michaela Ashby https://tinyurl.com/4zmusr25
FAMILY CIRCLES Family Circle: Thursday 1st June 2023 – South Australia Family Circle https://tinyurl.com/4mwym8tp Thursday 29th June 2023 – South Australia Family Circle https://tinyurl.com/yzuv63cn Monday 31st July 2023 – Gloucestershire Family Circle https://tinyurl.com/49rwvzcz
PEER SUPPORT - IN-PERSON LISTENING CIRCLES In-Person Listening Circle Dates from 20th May – 31st July 2023 Monday 22nd May 2023 – Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle - https://tinyurl.com/4wt29hmp Monday 22nd May 2023 – Cumbria Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/yc3eyzn5 Monday 22nd May 2023 – Surrey Walk and Talk https://tinyurl.com/yudumr7s Monday 22nd May 2023 – Gloucestershire Listening Circle - https://tinyurl.com/c3a5se75 Thursday 25th May 2023 – Northamptonshire Listening Circle - https://tinyurl.com/mryzvewr
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PEER SUPPORT - IN-PERSON LISTENING CIRCLES In-Person Listening Circle Dates from 20th May – 31st July 2023 continued... Friday 2nd June 2023 – Somerset Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/c3a5se75 Tuesday 6th June 2023 – South Australia Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/387fft7n Monday 12th June 2023 – Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/y499v2wm Tuesday 13th June 2023 – Cambridgeshire Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/5he8km3f Tuesday 20th June 2023 – Surrey Walk and Talk https://tinyurl.com/mrxjmrvs Friday 23rd June 2023 – Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/3uu3se2e Monday 26th June 2023 – Cumbria Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/526bnzn6 Wednesday 28th June 2023 – Gloucestershire Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/ykhrhz3t Friday 7th July 2023 – South Australia Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/2p93dt9w Friday 7th July 2023 – Somerset Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/2s39h6hu Tuesday 11th July 2023 – Cambridgeshire Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/y72n32dm Monday 17th July 2023 – Surrey Walk and Talk https://tinyurl.com/5462zwxr Monday 17th July 2023 – Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle https://tinyurl.com/3k5cxb79
Calling all Nurseries, Schools, Social Work Fostering & Adoption Teams! Corporate Membership also available for Peer Support and Training through a combined package - For more information email natp@coect.co.uk T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS May - July 2023 WEBINARS
Friday 26th May 2023 10 am - 2 pm (GMT/UK) £10 per person Live Access The A-Z of Survival Strategies Webinar with Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Join Sarah Naish (adopter of five, Therapeutic Parenting Expert) and Sarah Dillon (Leading Attachment Therapist, Child Trauma Expert) for a live online conference. It's all about YOU. · How to carry on when you feel you can’t carry on · Managing grief, anxiety and anger · Strategies to feel better Go on, put the kettle on, put your feet up and join us. It won't be heavy going and there will be some fun and laughter along the way. For more information and to book go to tinyurl.com/39mmpdeb
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TRAINING BRAND NEW COURSE - Residential Children’s Homes Trauma Informed Strategies for Change – Live Interactive Workshop With Sarah Naish & Sarah Dillon For more information please contact inspire@coect.co.uk Training is available in other locations contact inspire@coect.co.uk to register your interest. View our full range of training courses which include: Child to Parent Violence Therapeutic Parenting Compassion Fatigue Training and many more. Visit www.inspiretraininggroup.com or email inspire@coect.co.uk for a consultation on our bespoke training packages
Training is available in other locations, contact inspire@coect.co.uk to register your interest.
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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS May- July 2023 ONLINE TRAINING
Trauma Revolution Webinars Messy Bedrooms – 18th May, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) Does your child leave their rooms extremely messy, untidy or dirty? The level and scale may be far beyond the range of acceptable tidiness. Join us to have a look at the many reasons this may be happening and preventative strategies to help you along the way. Nonsense Chatter – 26th May, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) Nonsense Chatter can be really draining! It is important to remember that nonsense chatter and questioning is very often to do with a younger emotional age and is often seen later, and for significantly longer in children who have suffered trauma. We will be providing useful strategies to help you, ending with a Q+A to ask any questions you may have about this! Obsessions – 30th May, 10 am - 11 am (GMT) Obsessions often happen because our children struggle to be still and 'comfortable in their own skin’ When they are still, the trauma, anxiety and emptiness seem bigger and make them feel uncomfortable, driven to action and to find a distraction. Join us for this live webinar with many useful strategies surrounding obsessions. Poo Issues – 9th June, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) This is easily the topic (along with wee) that we get asked about the most on our Therapeutic Parenting Facebook Group! It can be exhausting, long-standing and difficult to cope with! Join us for a live 1-hour informal chat and Q+A looking at why this might be happening and ways to help both you and your child to cope with this. Rejection – 16th June, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) Rejection can be really difficult when your child is saying hurtful things to you however there are many reasons as to why this may be happening. Join us for some useful responses and strategies and a chance to ask your own questions and chat with our trainers! Rudeness – 23rd June, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) Sometimes our children may come across as rude when they are anxious or frightened, in this session we will be exploring the different reasons this may be happening and providing you with many strategies for before, during and after!
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Sabotaging – 28th June, 10 am - 11 am (GMT) It is important to remember when your child sabotages a day out or an exciting event or destroys a precious gift, it does not come from a well-thought out plan to ruin everything. It won’t always be like this! But it will be until our children can believe that they are worth what we give them. Join us in this session for an informal chat and Q+A for any burning questions you may have! School Issues – 7th July, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) One of the questions we are most frequently asked is ‘How do I deal with my child’s school?’ Many therapeutic parents feel frustrated, undermined, and disempowered by well meaning teaching staff, who stick firmly to tried and tested methods which seem to work well with securely attached children. We know that standard parenting does not work for our children so standard teaching methods won’t either! Join us for strategies surrounding this and a Live Q+A. Self Harm – 14th July, 12 noon - 1 pm (GMT) The way we react to early signs of Self-Harm can have an extremely significant impact on the development of longer-term issues! In this session we will be touching on preventative and immediate strategies to help you and your children. Separation Anxiety – 19th July, 10 am - 11 am (GMT) Our children’s stress and anxiety around separation and their overwhelming need for nurture and safety can be suffocating and difficult to manage. Ask yourself ‘Why does this need to be changed?’ it may not be about your child’s behaviour so much as your need to have some space, that is completely understandable! Join Sarah Naish for many strategies to help you moving forward with this! Sexualized Behaviours – 28th July, 12 pm - 1 pm (GMT) It can be very frightening, even horrifying, to come across a very young child who is, or, appears to be, sexually knowledgeable and active; but if we can put aside our own horror and revulsion and see what the behaviour is really telling us, we can at least start off with the right mindset.
To book one of these webinars, or find out more about the Trauma Revolution Training Pass click on this link to our website: https://www.traumarevolution.co.uk/events
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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS May - July 2023 WELLBEING, COACHING AND THERAPY THE HAVEN PARENTING AND WELLBEING CENTRE Staff Wellbeing Sessions Perfect for self-development on an inset or training day Session can help to interrupt the symptoms of compassion fatigue, using a combination of coaching methods, aspects of mindfulness and other therapeutic techniques. The session enables individuals to acknowledge factors which can be causing compassion fatigue, and develop a self-care tool kit to enable them to focus on preventing aspects of compassion fatigue and promoting their wellbeing. Individual and Small group sessions available, either In-person as a Day Retreat format or a virtual wellbeing session held through an online platform. For more information go to www.thehavencentre.co.uk/services
Are you experiencing a disconnection to your child? 3 Steps to Connect™ (3SC) is a ground-breaking process which can be used in any situation where a parent is struggling to cope. This may be due to Child to Parent violence, Overwhelming behaviours, Secondary trauma, Compassion fatigue, or a disconnect in the relationship between the parent and child. This specially designed 3-stage programme is what parents of traumatised children need to rediscover their inner calm and reconnect to their child. Parenting children from trauma can be draining and exhausting, we understand the relentless pressures you face.
For more information go to www.thehavencentre.co.uk/services
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TRAUMA INFORMED QUALIFICATIONS Through Inspire Training we have a suite of qualifications to support parents and supporting professionals who work with children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences and neurodivergent children. Level 2 SAfE Parenting: A Therapeutic Parenting Approach This is a Level 2 online customised qualification accredited by nationally recognised awarding body CACHE NCFE under their CACHE accreditation. Can take up between 3- 6 months to complete. Perfect for individuals who want to learn and implement therapeutic parenting. Level 3 Therapeutic Parenting Programme This is a Level 3 online Inspire Training Group qualification for those learners looking for a detailed introduction to therapeutic parenting. This has a progression route to the Diploma in Therapeutic Parenting accredited with NCFE CACHE.
Level 3 Diploma in Therapeutic Parenting This is a Level 3 online customised qualification accredited by the nationally recognised awarding body CACHE NCFE under their NCFE accreditation. It covers basic and advanced strategies of therapeutic parenting and takes a year to complete. This has a progression route to the Award in Therapeutic Parent Coaching accredited with NCFE CACHE.
Level 3 Award/Diploma in Therapeutic Parent Coaching Two new additions to our qualifications is the Level 3 online customised qualification accredited by nationally recognised awarding body CACHE NCFE under their CACHE accreditation. This enables the learner to gain the knowledge and coaching techniques in order to become a therapeutic parenting coach. Please note: A pre-requisite for the Award is the Level 3 Therapeutic Parenting Programme.
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Listening Circle Viewpoint This issue we meet Sara Dowling, Volunteer Support Administrator at NATP Written By Sara Dowling Hello, I’m Sara and I am the Volunteer Support Administrator at NATP. I started working part-time at NATP in November 2022. My job role is to support our volunteer Listening Circle Coordinators (LCCs). This includes supporting them as they start their journey to become an LCC, by spreading the word about our upcoming volunteer information sessions and facilitating the information sessions. After that, if someone decides that they would like to become an LCC, I send them the application form and go through the process with them. Once they have become an LCC and submitted a booking form to run a Listening Circle, then I will get the information added to our website and advertised on our Facebook groups. I also send out regional emails about upcoming Listening Circles and organising volunteer catch-ups. These catch-ups are to make sure that their Listening Circles are going well, answering any questions they might have and making sure that the LCCs feel supported.
Volunteer Recruitment We are currently in the process of recruiting for new volunteer Listening Circle Coordinators. If this is something that you think you would be interested in, our next volunteer information session is on Tuesday 13th June at 12 noon. To book on, visit https://tinyurl.com/5n8w76b5
Photo: ©COECT
I started working at NATP after I was volunteering for 15 months for the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma (COECT). My role was to assist with shop products and enquiries, and other tasks supporting member services. Our Listening Circles Listening Circles are support groups for our members. They can either be face-to-face or virtual via Zoom. Our face-to-face Listening Circles include coffee and cake catch-ups and walks and talks. Our Virtual Listening Circles include subject Listening Circles, such as for birth parents, adopters and SGO/Kinship carers etc. Some LCCs also run Family Circles, so that our member's children can meet with other children and the parents feel less judgement being surrounded by other parents that understand. We have Listening Circles and Family Circles all over the United Kingdom and in Australia. I run a Listening Circle in Gloucestershire every month with my colleague Shannon. We go to different venues for coffee and a chat and to meet new members. Once a Listening Circle has established members we then hand the reins over to a volunteer to co-ordinate the Listening Circle, giving them support when needed. ISSUE 3
If you are interested in joining our Listening Circle, and either live in the area or are visiting the area, visit NATP’s events page https://tinyurl.com/y34x8fzn T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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Compassion Fatigue and Taking Care of Yourselves Written By Emma Edwards Do you ever get that feeling of dread when you arrive at home? Do you slowly gather your things delaying you from entering the house as you are not sure what awaits you? Exhausted - Mentally and Physically tired, have feelings of Overwhelm, feel anxious about things, or suffer from sleep issues? Any of these sound familiar? These symptoms relate to Compassion Fatigue, a stress response in individuals caused by looking after and supporting others who are going through difficult and traumatic periods. It can potentially affect anyone in a caring role and can create physical exhaustion, also known as burnout. Other signs and symptoms may be a lack of motivation; individuals may feel less efficient in what they are doing and lack empathy towards the person or persons they are caring for. They may also find that they emotionally distance themselves from others and find it difficult to concentrate or remember things. Compassion fatigue is your body's way of coping with stress when your compassion for others is overused and your empathy levels deplete. It drains your emotional and physical energy; individuals may find it hard to show empathy towards others and struggle to access their logical thinking. You may find you start to distance yourself from the individual and put barriers up so that you are not able to connect on an empathic level with that person. ISSUE 3
Compassion Fatigue is mainly associated with front line staff in the health and caring professions. However, the past couple of years there has put extra pressure on teachers and other supporting professionals who are working with children and young people who have experienced trauma. So why does it happen? Helping or caring for someone can be very rewarding but can also be draining emotionally and physically, this can be magnified when the individual has complex needs and has suffered trauma. The lack of downtime, rest and support can all contribute to the caregiver entering Compassion Fatigue. The Good News! There are ways of relieving Compassion Fatigue. Being away from a situation which is causing the stress response can help you to become resilient. This may not always be possible but aiming for just five minutes to start with will help. Try and build up this time, so that you achieve 30-60 minutes dedicated to ‘you’ a day. You may think this is impossible to start with but remember the bigger picture, there are 24 hours in the day, we are just asking you to build up to 1 hour. If it helps make it a quest you need to achieve! At the Haven, we also use a psychosensory technique called Havening which is based on neuroscience
The Havening Techniques®, reduce anxiety and stress associated with negative memories. It also helps individuals to feel calm and relaxed and can be used as a selfregulation tool. What can I do to prevent Compassion Fatigue? Healthy Lifestyle – Creating a healthy balance in your life will help with the prevention of compassion fatigue. Look after yourself – It sounds easy but when life gets in the way it is also very easy to take shortcuts which can spiral into ordering one too many takeaways a week, eating copious amounts of junk food etc. Over time, this can lead to an unhealthy pattern of eating. Being mindful about what you eat combined with being active can help. Make time for yourself – this allows you to de-stress; if you struggle with making time, try booking an appointment with yourself to do an activity you enjoy. Getting outdoors in the fresh air can have many benefits including keeping you active and helping to clear your mind. Whatever you choose to do, stick with it; willpower and stickability are the way forward. Awareness of Gratitude – shifting the negative bias. As human beings we are programmed with a negative
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bias, it warns us of danger and keeps us safe. However, feeling negative can also breed negativity, leading to a negative mindset. Starting a daily journal and recording what you are grateful for can help. It doesn’t have to be a lot, think of 3 things to start with and build on that. Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation – making time to focus your attention and calm the mind will help to relax and reduce your stress levels. Talking to others – Talking to likeminded people who have been in can empathise with what you are going through, will really help to relieve compassion fatigue, and help you access your logical thinking, as opposed to only being able to access an emotional response. Daily routine – having a routine which incorporates all the above will allow your body and mind to
Image: ©Fokusiert from Getty Images via www.canva.com
get used to your new habits. Consistency with the routine will really help to establish habits for a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes the onset of Compassion Fatigue can be quick, unlike burnout which can be slow and more noticeable at times.
and being able to identify the symptoms of Compassion Fatigue can help to make some small changes in order to build emotional resilience and prevent Compassion Fatigue in the future.
To find out more go to www.thehavencentre.co.uk
Being attuned to your own needs
TIPs Magazine Subscription If you have been enjoying our magazine and would like to receive each edition, please email tips@coect.co.uk to set up a subscription Paper subscription - £17.00/year Electronic subscription - free Subscriptions and past editions are also available through the NATP shop: www.naotp.com/shop
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National Conference
Making the Change Trauma-Informed Teaching. Come and hear from the authors of the new book! DATE: Thursday 19th October 2023 TIME: 10 am - 4 pm LOCATION: Coventry. TICKET PRICE: £90 plus VAT
For more information scan the QR code. BOOK OUT AUGUST 2023!
In the Next Issue (Available 20th July 2023) ... The Summer Holidays Survival guide Lying and Stealing Where do I start? - The Basics of Therapeutic Parenting False Allegations - Dealing with the Allegation Process Wellbeing - From Feeling Rubbish to Feeling Good.
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