TIPS Issue 16

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE

T.I.Ps

Trauma Informed Parents £4.50

ISSUE No.16 July 2025

IN THIS ISSUE:

Safety First

Connection is the Curriculum Supporting Healing through Relationships

Supporting children to engage in learning

Lights On! Redefining Education

Fostering a love for life-long learning

A Parent’s Journey Through Home Learning

What's on?

Training & Events

Photo: ©Coect

Early Years and Screens

Meet the Team!

Executive Editor - Sarah Naish

Executive Editor - Sair Penna

Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot

Contributor - Jessica Spenceley

Kathryn is co-founder and Director of The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C specialising in communications and public relations.

Jessica is a therapeutic social worker with over 20 years of experience helping adoptive parents navigate their parenting journeys using the attachment-based, trauma-informed parenting approach of TBRI®.

Contributor - Russ Hartland-Shaw

Contributor - Julia Black

Contributor - Arabella Skinner

Contributor - Dr Zachary Du Toi

Contributor - Dr Libby Gaskell

Contributor - Neil Cunningham

Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies. Sarah is also and co-founder and CEO at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

Russ set up Breathe Leadership & Business Coaching in 2020 as a result of adopting and becoming a parent to two boys in 2019. He was then inspired to specialise in Therapeutic Parenting to support families navigating the challenges of early childhood trauma.

Arabella is Policy Director at Health Professionals for Safer Screens.

She has an MSc in Psychology and has experience campaign for children. She is a mother of teenage boys.

Libby is a chartered psychologist who has worked with children, young people, and their families for a number of years. Libby offers specialist therapeutic interventions and assessments for families who have been affected by trauma and attachment difficulty, and also offers consultation and training in these areas to various professional teams.

Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Author, Parent Coach and Havening practitioner. Sair is also co-founder and Director of Training, Qualifications & Quality at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C

Julia is the creator of Lights On®, a groundbreaking approach to learning and life that helps families move from survival to radiance. She's also the author of Lights On Learning—a transformative guide that empowers parents to ignite their child’s love of learning by reconnecting with their own inner spark.

Dr Zachary Du Toit is a GP Registrar with an interest in the wider determinants of health, in particular children and young people's mental health and intersection of technology and health.

Neil is a carer, musician, and breath instructor. He developed the 'Off Switch' breath program to promote self-care and well-being among foster children and carers, creating a supportive space for guided breathing practices. Through his work, Neil has partnered with Health Trusts and NHS professionals to enhance mental health and overall wellness in the community.

TRAUMA-INFORMED PARENTS

CONTENTS 10 Early Years and Screens Arabella Skinner & Dr Zachary du Toit

13 Fostering a love for life-long learning Julia Black

17 Safety First! Dr Libby Gaskell

3 Editor's Note

4 Redefining Education: A Parent’s Journey Through Home Learning Russ Hartland-Shaw

8 Connection is the Curriculum: Supporting Healing and Learning Through Relationships Jessica Spenceley

15 Finding Hope Through Understanding: The Level 2 Certificate in Therapeutic Parenting Helen Ayres & Joanne Wilson

19-20 What's On - Training, Events and Meet Ups

21 COECT Wellbeing: Finding the Off Switch! Neil Cunningham

From its beginnings as a Therapeutic Parenting Group on Facebook, a decade ago, we have evolved into a Community Interest Company dedicated to supporting parents of children who have faced early life trauma and display neurodiverse charachteristics. This edition focuses on The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

Editor’s Note Welcome to July’s edition of TIPS magazine!

This issue’s theme is all about different ways of learning and what happens when school isn’t the right fit for the child. Whether that be home schooling, where the child is still on roll at school and accessing online learning at home, or home education, where the parents have decided to take responsibility for the child’s learning. Some of the articles in this issue focus on breaking down the information and options. If school doesn't work for your child, there are other ways to support their learning and achievements.

In this issue, we are joined by Russ Hartland-Shaw, a parent coach and adoptive parent, who shares his story of homeschooling his child. Arabella Skinner and Dr. Zachary du Toit from Health Professionals for Safer Screens address the impact of screen time on young children, particularly those under two, and discuss the research, emphasising the importance of healthy modelling by parents. Julia Black has kindly written an article that highlights the importance of supporting children in developing a love for lifelong learning, starting with parents. She presents "Lights On®" as a way to integrate mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of learning.

Libby Gaskell's article, "Safety First!", discusses the difficulties children with early trauma face in school and how supportive school environments can be safe havens, helping to counteract the effects of trauma by taking a trauma-informed approach. Also, our regular contributor Jessica emphasises the importance of connection in learning. Her article encourages parents to use everyday moments to instil a sense of worth, safety, and love in their children, which is essential for effective learning. She leads Nurtured Belonging, helping adoptive parents support their children's growth.

We are delighted to welcome our resident Breathwork Instructor, Neil Cunningham, as he shares insights about “Off Switch,” a self-care breath program designed specifically for parents and carers. He provides 15-minute guided sessions focused on breathing techniques, allowing participants to relax without pressure or expectations. The goal is to enhance well-being and build a supportive community. If you haven’t joined one of his sessions, it is well worth giving it a try!

Sair Penna

Also, Jo and Helen from our COECT team have written an article about the Level 2 Award in Therapeutic Parenting, which supports parents facing challenges like care proceedings or supporting children with EHCPs. As always, we hope you enjoy reading, and if you would like to get in touch with us to contribute to future editions, you can contact us via tips@coect.co.uk. We wish you a peaceful summer (hopefully) and will be back in September with Issue 17!

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Executive Editor

Kathryn Talbot Managing Editor

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Redefining Education: Photo: ©Russ Hartland-Shaw

A Parent’s Journey Through Home Learning Written By Russ Hartland-Shaw When I shut down my laptop at the end of July 2020, I remember feeling a huge sense of relief and personal achievement, having successfully navigated homeschooling with my then 5-year-old son. I also remember, vividly, thinking that teachers deserved danger money for choosing their vocation in life! I had a newfound respect for teachers and their ability to keep children engaged and motivated to learn, day in, day out. I also recall thinking this was an experience I never wanted to repeat. Aside from another

by no means an expert, but this is our account as a family and our experience of navigating learning at home as a solution to our son’s educational needs.

stint of homeschooling the following year and this time over the winter months, I vowed that homeschooling was not for me or my son. How wrong I was, and looking back, how misguided at the same time.

everything, from reduced timetables and coming home for lunch to reset, to one-to-one provision in a side room at school.

Homeschooling during the pandemic cannot be compared to longer-term home educating options. They are entirely different, so if there is a part of you, understandably, dismissing the idea based on your homeschooling experience in the pandemic being your

right for him. So, educating at home, certainly for the short to medium term for us, is where we have arrived.

My son and I have been on a massive learning curve these past few

workplace and realise how out of touch our education system is. What employer would ever expect an employee who might present as a child struggling in school to turn up for work the next day as if nothing had happened and then be told to

only reference point, I would advise you to remain open and continue to

months, which in itself has been wonderful for connection and

carry on, doing the same thing over and over again with no consideration

explore your options. It is certainly not for everyone, and it comes with the acceptance that your life will change, but it is important to be aware of the facts before decisions are made. I am

attachment. There are many versions of education at home, ranging from deregistering your child from the national curriculum and school system entirely and

for the damage that is being done to their team members' mental health?

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My son is dealing with the impact of early childhood trauma as a result of his early lived experiences. This has made navigating the classroom very challenging for him and, on and off, has seen him spend extended periods of time away from school and his friends. We have tried

Ultimately, the school environment in its traditional form is simply not

going it alone with the support of other home educators, known as home education; to home schooling which has more involvement from the Local Authority and can range from reduced timetables and flexi schooling that sees a child on a parttime timetable in school and working from home or accessing alternative provisions elsewhere.

Enter into the world of a child who struggles in school; however they might present, and you will realise there is a crisis emerging of epidemic proportions. Our education system is failing thousands and thousands of children, up and down the country each year. It is woefully behind the times when it comes to well-being.

You only have to take a look at the

When put like that, it is frankly ludicrous. This is food for thought T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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and the government needs to address this issue through significant and revolutionary reforms, as opposed to placing blame on the shoulders of teaching staff, children, and parents all the time; but this, perhaps, is a topic for another time.

within this population of children struggling in school and opting to be educated at home, too, which for me speaks volumes. For anyone to thrive, their environment needs to be right, and there are so many different versions of this that one size does not fit all. Education at home solves a fundamental issue for a child who struggles in school; it changes the learning environment, which has the potential to be a game changer.

This is not to say by any means that this is a quick fix; more often, there needs to be a period of adjustment and healing from the school-based traumas that may have occurred for the child, not to mention the parents.

The subject of educating a child at home is a contentious one; there are many judgements made and many different views on what defines it, but fundamentally, it should not be demonised and deemed a compromise. Often a child is dealing with a failed education system that is unable to meet their needs, whether they are academic, social, or emotional, and with this can come an overwhelming sense of failure on the child’s part. It is very easy to see the masses, in this case, your peers and friends, seemingly accessing the school environment with no issues, and think you are failing, rather than realising it is the environment and the system that are failing you and your child.

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Photo: ©COECT via Canva

There is an overwhelming number of neurodiversity diagnoses sitting

If left to fester, these feelings of inadequacy are damaging for the child and make learning even harder. Possibly more critically, the child’s mental health is significantly impacted to the extent that it changes the course of their lives forever.

There is a common misconception that educating at home, whether that is home schooling or home education, means your child has to sit for 6 hours a day learning. This is because, for most of us at least, that was our own reality in school, not to mention what society dictates, and therefore our only reference points. To learn at home is to follow the passions and interests of the child; this is not to say subjects that are not as favourable should be ignored, but the appetite to tolerate them is far greater when your nervous system is not activated, which is the case for many children where home schooling works. It is important to note that each case is unique, though.

So as a parent who is fairly new to this process compared to some, my top tips are as follows:

It depends to what extent educating at home is adopted as a methodology, but it is important to note that it is worth doing your research before embarking on it.

Work with the agencies involved and foster the best relationships you can.

Seek advice from other home educators both when it comes to handling agencies and how to home school.

Do not be scared off just because the world around you is suggesting there is only one path to education.

Trust your instincts and advocate for your child as best you can.

Whether it is home education, home schooling, flexi schooling, or anything in between, do your research and reach out to others in a similar situation. Your allies might not be where you think they are either.

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Mainly due to others' judgement and fear, the most wellintentioned people who have strong and deep-rooted opinions believe they know best and that following the norm can be the only course of action. This can make you doubt yourself and feel as though you might be making a mistake. Yes, there is an element of risk, but ensuring you are fully aware of the facts is a great place to begin to make some informed decisions.

There are a great number of fantastic resources out there, as well as a whole community of people who offer support and guidance when needed. These groups are all full of people going through the same or a similar situation, and as a result, they are able to offer practical advice and an honest account of what to expect.

I would encourage you to make contact with the groups listed as a first step to understanding if an

alternative route to education is right for your family.

Not Fine in Schools – available on Facebook Home Education for All – available on Facebook Home Educators UK Empowering Parents in Home Education As I reflect on our own home learning experience so far, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that it has saved my son from lasting damage to his wellbeing and mental health. He is thriving at home, where ultimately, he feels safe. He is engaged in learning, as much as any 10-yearold is; he has his moments, like anyone else, after all, but the point is that he is open to the process in a way that was not possible in a mainstream setting.

He is, and we are, doing things differently. Once you get over the initial shock and judgement from others and become comfortable with your own anxieties, it is an empowering experience. I refuse to allow my son to feel like he has failed and is somehow settling for second best when it comes to his education, so we spend our days reminding him that there are many routes to learning, and it is not always about being in a building that makes him feel nervous and scared. For now, my son's classroom is our kitchen and the garden, and when you do things differently, it is amazing to see where those teachable moments are, and what is most rewarding is to see the difference this environment makes for your child.

You can find out more about the support Russ offers to parents via his website. https://www.breathebusinesscoaching.com Russ is also an Associate with The Haven, The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma’s Parental Support Service.

TIPS Consult

Are you looking for a supportive space to explore real-life challenges in therapeutic parenting and trauma-informed care?

Come along with your parenting-related questions and let us help you find a resolution to the difficulties you are experiencing.

Join us on 21st August 10 am - 11 am for our next session Book at www.coect.co.uk/events or scan the QR code below ISSUE 16

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Launching September 2025

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✔️ Accredited Level 4 Qualification ✔️ Flexible Online Learning ✔️ Ideal for Social Workers, Family Support Workers, Therapists, & Educators, working with children who have experienced trauma. ✔️ Starts September 2025 Learn more and register for enrolment by following the link www.coect.co.uk/level-4-qualification or scanning the QR code:

Photo: ©Jessica Spenceley

Connection is the Curriculum: Supporting Healing and Learning Through Relationships Written By Jessica Spenceley It’s easy to think of learning as something that happens at school – reading books, sitting at desks, raising hands. But long before your child ever steps into a classroom, they’re already learning from you.

As a parent, you shape not just what your child learns, but how they experience the world. And for adopted kiddos, that world can sometimes feel uncertain or overwhelming.

Safety First, Always Learning starts with feeling safe.

When your child feels secure and connected to you, their brain can relax and open up. They’re more able to explore, focus, and take in new information. Without that sense of safety, the brain often stays in survival mode, prioritising protection over curiosity.

For children who’ve experienced trauma, loss, or disruption, building safety takes time. However, with your steady presence and empathy, you’re already offering your child one of the most important lessons they’ll ever learn: that the world can be a safe place.

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child feel safe. When your child feels connected to you, their body releases calming hormones that help with regulation. And when a child is regulated, they’re more open to learning – not just academics, but also how to manage emotions, navigate relationships, and handle challenges. You might not even realise it, but your child is learning from you all the time. Every cuddle, every shared laugh, every moment of listening, every calm response to a meltdown – each one is teaching your child how to connect, how to repair, and how to trust.

What TBRI Can Offer That’s where TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention®) comes in.

TBRI is a practical, compassionate approach that helps you stay connected, especially when things feel hard. It offers tools across three core areas: Connecting, Empowering, and Correcting Connecting This is where teaching begins. Eye contact, play, cuddles, and attuned presence help your child feel seen and understood. Even small, simple moments like slowing down and really listening can speak volumes to a child

who’s still figuring out what trust feels like.

Empowering Once a child feels connected, they’re more open to growth.

Empowering strategies meet your child’s physical and sensory needs – things like movement breaks, snacks, and calming routines.

These supports help regulate the nervous system and make it easier for your child to focus, cope, and learn.

Correcting Correcting doesn’t mean punishment. It means offering gentle guidance. With TBRI, boundaries and structure come through connection, not fear. This helps your child learn how to problem-solve and manage behaviour in ways that feel safe, supported, and effective.

Teaching Through Everyday Moments You don’t need to create perfect lessons. You don’t need charts or elaborate activities. You just need to be present and connected.

Whether you’re reading a bedtime story, helping your child get

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teacher, and there will be days that stretch your capacity.

But in every hug, every deep breath before responding, every time you choose warmth over frustration, you’re offering something profoundly healing.

You’re teaching your child that they matter.

That they are safe.

That they are loved.

And that is the foundation for all real learning.

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

dressed, or riding out a big wave of emotions together, you are teaching. You’re modelling how to manage stress, how to ask for help, and how to keep showing up, again and again.

And if you’re in a season where

nothing seems to be working; you’re not failing. It likely just means your child needs connection before anything else can click.

Jessica is the founder of Nurtured Belonging where she helps parents and adopted children overcome challenges, heal from the past, and build strong, connected relationships.

To connect with Jessica, go to https://nurturedbelonging.com

A Gentle Reminder You may not always feel like a

Foster care isn’t a spreadsheet It’s being woken at 3am by a child who can’t sleep.

It’s seeing the fear, and still showing up with love.

It’s crying in the car after holding it together all day.

And yet—so many decisions still come down to data, not people.

At TRUE, we don’t just look at the numbers.

We listen.

We walk with families.

We put relationships first.

Because the forms don’t feel it. But foster families do. www.truefostering.com

EARLY YEARS AND SCREENS Written By Arabella Skinner & Dr Zachary du Toit

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

The potential harms caused by screen time in children and young people appear intuitive to parents and are increasingly well-elucidated by research. Growing cultural awareness of the harms of smartphones and social media, especially for teenagers, is welcome.

However, there has been significantly less focus on the potential harms of the ubiquitous use of screens on the youngest children. This article highlights concerns and offers approaches to this modern parenting puzzle.

The brains of babies and toddlers are susceptible to the external environment—they are designed to develop in response to the cues around them, and digital devices do not offer this. There is no evidence to support the introduction of technology at an early age, and the

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increasingly extensive global research shows the immediate and long-term effects of frequent and prolonged screen exposure. From a parental perspective, to enable healthy development and attachment patterns, Health Professionals for Safer Screens (HPFSS) recommend children under two years old have no screen time apart from video calls with family.

It is commonplace to see a baby with a smartphone attached to their pram or a toddler propped at a table with a screen and headphones—27% of 3-4 year olds have their own smartphones. When toddlers are used to high levels of sensory stimulation from screens, everything else appears dull or uninteresting in comparison. The child is, therefore, less motivated to explore their environment and seek interactions,

missing meaningful learning and development opportunities. HPFSS recommends that parents mindfully transition from screen time to nonscreen time at all ages. Give warning and let your child know that screen time is coming to an end soon.

Transition actively, like playing a game such as eye-spy, peekaboo, or singing a song whilst changing activities; this smooths out the stimulation of turning the screen off. Furthermore, being prepared by planning a fun postscreen activity makes it easier for everyone. Lastly, stick with your decision—children need routine and structure, and by adhering to your decision and enforcing it, your child will know what to expect and will hopefully look forward to the post-screen activity too. Health Professionals for Safer Screens have evidence-based resources that parents can use to inform their parenting.

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When considering development, research shows that increased screen time negatively impacts young children. Children who watched more

pattern where meltdowns become associated with screen time, as using screens can diminish self-control and result in more frequent outbursts.

than 90 minutes of “daily direct screen time” were, at the ages of 4.5 years and eight, below average for vocabulary, communication, writing, numeracy, and letter fluency. They are more likely to play alone, be less liked by other children, be less considerate, and be less likely to share their toys.

There are several approaches HPFSS advocates for in terms of overall reduction in screen time. Firstly, the development of a family digital plan, co-created with everyone’s input where appropriate. This plan should balance prohibition with positive screen time. Positive planning of screen time, in alignment with guidance as per HPFSS, can help regulate the child’s use. Secondly, and more importantly as the child gets older, is having a unified stance among yourselves as parents and with other parents about screen time. If you want to see what’s happening in your local area, Smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk is an organisation helping parents to come together to address smartphone usage as communities.

HPFSS recommends prioritising faceto-face interactions, which are so critical for development, particularly outside activities that hold many benefits. The term technoference refers to the negative role screens play in interpersonal relationships.

Technoference clearly can impact children's attachment patterns; therefore, it is recommended that both parent and child use screens as little as possible. Childrenandscreens.org has an outstanding collection of resources, and we encourage you to visit their website.

A major theme in digital parenting guidance is to model healthy use oneself as a parent. Healthy modelling of screen use is a gift to one’s child in the long run because it models life without screens, which will translate into resilience and flourishing in the future. On the other hand, screens and tablets are often used to keep children calm as “digital dummies”, but this can hinder the development of children’s self-regulation skills in the long term. Studies have shown that the amount of screen time a child has at 3.5 years old can predict the increase in their anger and frustration at 4.5 years old. Furthermore, it may create a

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The importance of sleep and rest cannot be overstated throughout the whole life course—childhood is no different. When considering why our children are misbehaving, a lack of sleep and rest may have a role to play.

The increase in ADHD and ASD symptoms, as well as atypical sensory processing, has, in part, been shown to be linked to the rise in screen usage in young children. The evidence suggests that excessive screen time may significantly contribute to the development of ADHD in children.

Longitudinal studies have shown strong evidence that increased screen time is linked to reduced language skills, and developmental

Speech and Language referrals have hit an all-time high, with 1.9 million children diagnosed with speech and language challenges in 2023, and 25% of speech and language posts are unfilled. A child with speech and language challenges is more at risk of emotional and behavioural disorders, mental health issues, and worse literacy and numeracy. At least 60% of young offenders have language challenges.

Excessive screen use has serious consequences for children’s development. According to the Kindred Squared School Readiness survey, teachers report that a third of children are not school-ready.

In an average Reception classroom: 45% of children cannot sit still 34% don’t respond to simple instructions 36% struggle to play or share with peers 25% are not toilet-trained

📌 📌 📌 📌

The use of screens has increased, and this trend appears to be continuing. Nearly half (49%) of teachers say school readiness has declined since last year.

The report explores multiple causes, but screen time is a significant factor. Teachers and parents are deeply concerned:

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📱 54% of teachers say parents

spend more time on screens than engaging with their children.

54% of teachers believe children

📱

exceed the recommended two hours of screen time daily.

52% say parents aren’t reading enough to their children.

📚

There is enough evidence to act, and many of the actions we need to take for our youngest are free and easy for us to implement as a society.

Create clear screen time guidance for Early Years. Health Professionals for Safer Screens recommends no screens before two and no more than 30 minutes a day for children between 2 and 5 years old.

Make parents aware of the harms of screens by giving them clear guidance through a public health campaign Support parents and carers with opportunities for their children to play and help them understand the value of play as a developmental driver

Communicate the value of shared activities - for example, shared reading is proven to support language development.

Remove screens from nurseries and early years.

This can feel overwhelming from a parenting perspective. However, as mentioned, many approaches can be taken, such as creating a digital family plan, prioritising face-to-face interactions by finding alternatives, and modelling healthy use yourself.

We cannot overstate the importance of the bedtime story—indeed, any

If the Government is serious about its stated mission to “break down barriers to opportunity with a

story—the evidence is overwhelming.

Children who are read to perform better and avoid all screens before

milestone of giving children the best start in life”, then they have to recognise that it is unachievable unless it addresses the issue of screens. The harms that screen usage is doing to our youngest children, and the lack of guidance from the government in this area (or often encouragement to have more screens) have serious consequences for the individual child, impacting their ability to learn, build relationships and pay attention - all vital for child development. It also has enormous implications for society with the associated costs—speech and language therapy, increased EHCPs, increased diagnosis of ADHD, ASD, and atypical neurodevelopmental conditions, as well as the opportunity cost.

bedtime. Becoming aware is the first step. Our website has resources and approaches you can take at home to help your child develop a positive relationship with screens.

For more details on the research mentioned above visit here

or to visit the website, scan here

Have you subscribed to TIPs yet?

Find out more by visiting our website www.coect.co.uk

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Fostering a love for life-long learning Written By Julia Black When you and your family discover that special ‘thing’ you were meant to explore, everything transforms. I refer to it as your switch, for it’s evident in your eyes – it’s as if your lights have been turned on. By incorporating your passions and unique talents, you become deeply engaged in your pursuits, almost instantly. As you step into your spotlight, you radiate brilliance. Lights On! For the past two decades I’ve been obsessive about understanding the art and science of learning. I’ve worked with thousands of children, young people and adults to shift to a sustainable model of success, where we feel happy, fulfilled and curious.

My learning and living philosophy, approach and blueprint – Lights On® – uses the power of your mind, the neuroplasticity of your brain, the intuition within your heart, and the energetic shifts within your body to learn, grow, heal and flourish.

There is something magical about the embodied experience of being connected mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to learning.

It feels so good, but it also takes courage and commitment. It can feel vulnerable and exposing to express all that is on your heart and mind.

Parents whose families love learning understand one simple truth: it begins with them. Once this lands, they embrace parenthood in a new way. They realise being a parent is a ISSUE 16

Photo: ©Ted Giffords

rich source of personal and professional development and they open up and create a life of abundance, happiness and inner wealth that enriches every area of their lives.

Although my two kids are now young adults, I recently read an illustrated children’s book by James Dunbar. It explored the concept of time and one question jumped out at me.

What can happen in ten heartbeats?

It captured my imagination and got me thinking. How many heartbeats do we have over our lifetime? How many might I have left?

It turns out we have, on average, 2.5 billion heartbeats during our lifetime, if we live to 80 years old.

How might our lives be different if we consciously supercharged our remaining heartbeats with the energy of love?

I want to invite you to wonder alongside me. What if we view these heartbeats as our family’s inner wealth? Could we feel truly abundant with the simplest of lives?

When we consciously decide we want our heart to sing and resonate with love, we become more present in our lives. To express your creative energy and radiance through emotions such as love, joy, peace

and gratitude. To truly allow yourself, as a parent, to enter a state of being where it feels so good to be you. To feel alive. Vibrant. Expansive.

When you are Lights On, your thought patterns are empowered. ‘I can do this. I have what it takes to keep going, no matter what.’

Emotions such as contentment, hope, happiness, love, joy, peace and gratitude make you feel alive. Like you can do anything. You are more creative and energised and have a rock-solid belief in yourself and a positive sense of wellbeing. You like, or even love, who you are.

How many of your life’s heartbeats will you be brave enough to shine your inner light out into the world?

This isn’t a flippant invitation. Not one to gloss over and say ‘Of course I choose love’. Because through my work as a Master Neurocoach with thousands of children and parents over the past fifteen years, I’ve discovered that tuning into our Radiance can actually be more scary than being in Darkness. It can feel more vulnerable. Exposed.

Uncertain. Like we have more to lose if we love so much. So we unconsciously summon fear back in.

Being Lights Off is equally as important. The good news is that it is equally important to be Lights Off. This is where we feel lost, scared and T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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alone. Unplugged. Powerless. Stumbling around in the dark. Being Lights Off is a reactive state where your thoughts limit and diminish your power. ‘I can’t do this.

It’s too hard. I’ll never be successful, so why bother? I might as well give up now.’

Everything feels hard, pointless, forced and challenging. Like walking through treacle. You will feel insecure, anxious and under threat in some way. This internal state is where your hidden potential is locked away and crucial for flourishing. The key is to learn how to lead yourself to resonate through the Lights On signatures by choice, and use being Lights Off for growth. This is when everything changes and you enter a new paradigm. One where you shift from leading life from the outside-in to living from the inside-out.

How many of your life’s heartbeats might you stay stuck in fear? Take some of today’s heartbeats to reflect on whether you currently live life more Lights On or Lights Off on a daily basis. Think about different areas of your life: work and career, home life, relationships with

Photo: ©Ted Giffords

friends and family, and mental,

signatures of Darkness,

What insights land for you? Are

emotional and physical health. Run a

Dimness and Glimmer or the

you being who you truly want to

quick audit to get clarity on whether you

Lights On signatures of Glow,

be? Or are life circumstances

resonate more through the Lights Off

Brilliance and Radiance?

constantly tripping you up?

My vision is of a world where all children love learning because children who love learning can, and will, change the world. For this reality to play out, we need as many adults to know how to flourish through choice, not circumstance. I hope you will become one of them, and I am here for you if this is the path you choose.

To find out more about Julia Black’s Lights On philosophy for yourself or your family, visit www.lightsonuniverse.com or buy her book *Lights On Learning - A Parent’s Blueprint For Happy, Fulfilled, Curious Kids*.

Photo: ©Ted Giffords

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Written By Helen Ayres & Joanne Wilson Photo: ©COECT via Canva

For parents navigating complex challenges—especially those on the edge of care proceedings or raising a child with an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP)—support can feel scarce, and judgement can feel overwhelming. That’s why the Level 2 Certificate in Therapeutic Parenting is proving to be a lifeline.

Rooted in empathy, neuroscience, and practical strategies, this course is transforming how parents connect with their children—and with themselves.

Therapeutic parenting isn’t just a skill set; it’s a mindset shift. It equips caregivers to respond to traumadriven behaviours with compassion and consistency. The course provides insight into attachment, regulation, and the importance of repair after rupture. For many parents, it’s the first time they feel truly understood and empowered.

The Level 2 Certificate in Therapeutic Parenting is more than just education—it’s transformation.

For families teetering on the edge, it offers a bridge back to connection, understanding, and stability. For many, it's not an intervention; it’s a lifeline.

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I signed up for the Level 2 Certificate in Therapeutic Parenting because I felt like I was at the end of the road. My son has an EHCP due to complex needs, and our home life had become completely chaotic. I was constantly being called into school, and there were whispers about social care involvement. I felt judged, isolated, and like a failure.

This course gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time—hope. Personally, I’ve gained a better understanding of how my child’s brain works under stress, and why traditional parenting methods just weren’t effective.

Professionally, it’s also helped me advocate more confidently for the support he needs in school.

One thing that stuck with me was learning about PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy). That simple shift in how I respond— especially during meltdowns—has changed everything. We now have more moments of connection than conflict. I’m still learning every day, but I no longer feel alone or helpless.

Taking this course didn’t just help me parent differently—it helped me see my child differently.

— Sarah L., parent of a 10-year-old with an EHCP T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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This programme takes a therapeutic approach to support parents caring for neurodivergent children or those who have experienced early life trauma. It is particularly beneficial for those seeking to obtain an Education, Health & Care Plan (EHCP)

Level 2 Certificate Therapeutic Parenting You will learn about: Therapeutic Parenting – Building the foundations of a trusting relationship Meeting the Needs of the Growing and Developing Child Creating a SAfE Parenting Environment Therapeutic Parenting Building the foundations of a trusting relationship through the use of the Therapeutic Parenting Approach "Secure Attachments founded on Empathy" (SAfE)

For more information:

www.coect.co.uk/qualifications

A Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma (CoECT) Qualification

Safety First!

School is tough at times for everyone. Exam stress, new transitions and new classmates, navigating timetables, forgetting your homework for that strict teacher, etc. This is usual, and most importantly, such experiences often generate tolerable levels of stress. It is a rite of passage, some might say.

However, for others, the stress triggered by school is toxic. For children with attachment vulnerabilities and developmental trauma, who are the focus of this article, the school environment can be particularly triggering.

When children develop in the context of a safe and nurturing home, where their needs are met and their trust in adults is automatic, they can spend their resources and energy on learning, problem-solving, and exploring. When children develop in the context of an unsafe and scary home, where their needs are not often met and they have actively learned they must not trust adults, they have no choice but to spend their resources and energy on survival, keeping watch, and defending themselves. For these children, there is neither the time nor the resources to confidently explore their world and learn. They must restrict this developmental curiosity, and as a result, they don’t always develop cognitively and socially as others might.

Their adverse experiences are therefore neurotoxic and can change the way the brain develops. For older siblings in a sibling group, they may also be inappropriately and unfairly

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Photo: ©Libby Gaskell

Written By Dr Libby Gaskell

tasked with the care needs of their younger siblings, causing a further strain on their mental resources.

school system is simply at odds with what is often the norm for traumatised children.

Therefore, by the time children with early trauma start school, they are already, developmentally, on the back foot.

They may be described as academically behind or delayed, and the child themselves may begin to notice that they interpret the world differently from the other children around them. In school, children may be observed to have low self-esteem, and their survival behaviours are interpreted and described as hyperactive, defiant, disruptive, challenging, and even harmful to others.

Also, children can often experience missed education, in addition to any cognitive or behavioural difficulties. Missed education can arise as a result of neglect, repeated school moves, missing episodes, exclusions (often in response to those survival behaviours discussed above), hospital admissions, and school refusal (phobia). Children may simply not be present at school, can be out of an educational routine, and often have a lack of investment in education (even if they are cognitively able) due to feelings of poor self-esteem and hopelessness. This unfortunately reinforces further feelings of unsafety.

In school, children are asked to trust adults, listen to them, and follow their instructions. They are asked to apply their energy to learning and concentration. They are expected to relax and socialise during unstructured times of play. Matters of trust, directing energy to learning, and relaxing and socialising don’t fit or match with those anxious needs and behaviours of survival. You can only listen, concentrate, trust, and relax when you feel safe.

Therefore, functioning in a way that is expected of you in the

I have heard various beliefs about school expressed during the time I have supported children with developmental trauma, which can act as a significant barrier to them accessing education (at least in the traditional and expected way).

For some of the children I have supported, school has been considered a place; “Where I’m forced to interact, when I don’t want to or don’t know how to” T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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“Where I am judged” “Where I am expected to be happy and compliant all the time, but in my head it’s a fairground!”

“Where things are sprung on you, and I need stability” “Where I don’t understand things and feel behind, so I feel rubbish about myself” “Where I don’t fit in, or where I was bullied” “Where I have to leave the safety of my foster carers” “Where adults try to control me and this is so scary for me” “Where I am expected to do things I just simply can’t do” Although school can be a challenging environment for some children with trauma, I have also known many occasions where school has been a safe haven for children. Educational staff have been the children’s only constant, and have, via their dedication and skill, become a child’s key attachment figure. I have met some amazing educational staff who really are superheroes! Such a positive educational experience for a child is highly buffering and can be an antidote to the harmful experiences to which they have been exposed elsewhere.

The key magic ingredient for children in these responsive and traumaaware schools is their ability to offer emotional safety to the child. Most children without experiences of chronic trauma often feel safe unless they are faced with a threat. Feeling safe is their default position day to day. But for children with developmental trauma, due to the changes in their brain discussed above, their default position is to be in the ‘fight or flight’ position, to be ready for danger and threat. Having this as their default position makes it far easier and faster to survive, but far more difficult to cognitively apply themselves in school.

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Photo: ©COECT via Canva

Therefore, in schools, interventions should be focused on supporting a child to feel as emotionally safe as possible, not correcting and punishing behaviours. To feel safe is a neurological and essential prerequisite for learning and educational stability. There are ample strategies to promote emotional safety specifically in schools outlined in the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching (by Sarah Naish and colleagues), and I would direct any educational staff reading this article to explore this game changer of a book.

Lastly, as I close this article, I must stress that despite discussing the difficulties faced in education by children with trauma, it is also my experience that significant courage and progress are often shown by these children in educational settings, and unfortunately, it is often missed by professionals around that child.

This is not because professionals are unwilling to recognise progress. In my experience, professionals are often preoccupied by sheer volumes of workload, under significant pressure from the systems in which they work, and are at a high risk of burnout. As professionals, we are primed and conditioned to believe what ‘progress’ looks like, and at times the targets, plans, and matrices designed to help children only reinforce these primed and conditioned views and unrealistic expectations.

The stress that can be created by these inappropriate expectations is felt by teaching staff and the children alike, and most certainly does not contribute to the emotional safety needed to thrive.

Education is incredibly important, but it is not possible unless there is emotional safety first.

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UPCOMING EVENTS CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2025/2026 Trauma-Informed Practice Trainer: Gareth Thomas Friday 19th September 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Wednesday 14th January 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Gloucestershire Wednesday 13th May 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Manchester

Understanding behaviour as a mode of communication Trainer: Gareth Thomas Tuesday 21st October 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Wednesday 4th February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Wednesday 17th June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Manchester

Understanding and Addressing Unmet Needs in Children through Therapeutic Parenting and TraumaInformed Care Trainer: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Wednesday 12th November 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Monday 23rd March 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Tuesday 14th July 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester

BAIRT - Behaviour Assessment of Impact and Resolution Tool Trainer: Sarah Naish Tuesday 14th October 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm via Zoom Tuesday 3rd February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm via Zoom Tuesday 23rd June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm via Zoom

Introduction to Trauma-Informed Life Story Work Trainers: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Wednesday 10th September 2025, Dursley, Gloucestershire Tuesday 13th January 2026– Dursley, Gloucestershire Thursday 14th May 2026 – Dursley, Gloucestershire

For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.coect.co.uk/coect-training-events

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COECT TRAINING, WORKSHOPS & EVENTS SCHEDULE 2025/2026

Compassion Fatigue Day Retreat Facilitator: Emma Edwards Friday 30th January 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 27th March 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 26th June 2026. 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire

“What to do when nothing works “ Workshop Trainers: Sarah Naish & Sarah Dillon Monday 10th February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Tuesday 16th June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester Wednesday 9th September 2026, 10:00 am - 3: 00 pm, Wales

Managing Challenging and Violent Behaviour Trainer: Dave Edwards Tuesday 16th & Wednesday 17th September 2025 - Coventry Tuesday 18th & Wednesday 19th November 2025 – Wales Tuesday 17th & Wednesday 18th March 2026 – Gloucestershire Tuesday 23rd & Wednesday 24th June 2026 – Manchester

TIPs Meet-Ups

Join our regional peer support groups to connect with other parents and carers in your area! Held once a month for 1 - 2 hours in a cafe, community space or green space, these gatherings provide welcoming space for sharing experiences and support.

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COECT Wellbeing

Photo: ©Neil Cunningham

Finding the Off Switch!

Written by Neil Cunningham Who is Off Switch?

Neil Cunningham is a carer, musician, yoga and breath instructor. Based in Peckham with his stylist wife, Rachel, whippet Ziggy, budgie Norman, and the visiting children and young people that, as foster carers, they help to look after; he also lives something of a parallel life on Zoom and no, that’s not another planet. Neil formulated ‘Off Switch’, his breath programme at a time when going out was impossible. The aim was to bring guided self-care into the homes of carers and children. Now this programme has developed and expanded hugely, working with Health Trusts, NHS Health Care professionals, looked-after children, and sportspeople.

Ok you might, but you wouldn’t expect things to run so well, would you? If you find yourself breathing shallow, breathing fast, breathing through just your mouth, failing to use your diaphragm, these are all ways to make sure that you are not taking in the maximum breath available to us; air is one of the few things which remain free, so for now we can take in as much of it as we like. That’s where we will start, breathing in through our nose, lowering the diaphragm, taking fuller breaths, increasing our capacity.

What is Off Switch?

This thing we do, this thing that fills our lungs, fuels our heart to pump blood around our body, this taking in of oxygen, expelling carbon dioxide, this exchanging of gases, well I simply call this thing ‘breathing’. That’s the basics of the matter; look, we are all doing it right now. Hands up if you are not.

Breathe in, fill our bellies with air, breathe out, navel moves in towards the spine as we expel CO2. Breathe in, filling our bellies, breathe out, navel moves in towards the spine, expelling CO2.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Once we have the hang of this, then we can build on it. We can do this by ourselves: breathe in—2—3 —4, out—2—3—4, in—2—3—4, out— 2—3—4. But it’s most likely that we won’t! And that’s where ‘Off Switch’ comes in.

Changing rhythms, increasing efficiency, finding the space, that’s what I call improved breathing. If we are going to do a thing anyway, repeating it over and over and over again, then we might as well find ways to make it better. You wouldn’t fail to service your car or update your computer operating system, would you now?

We don’t want to set aside a portion of time and then have to think about what exactly it is that we are doing, deciding which patterns we will use, setting an alarm, counting off numbers in our head. We don’t want to scroll through countless apps to load up what will just be a solitary experience, one that we will stop

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half way through to make a nice cup of tea. Instead, how about we click into a fifteen-minute slot, a space between things, at a convenient point in the evening, post the first round of bedtimes, pre the evening wind down. A fifteenminute slot that you can choose to join, or not, depending on where your mind is after the day and whether or not you feel that you would like some help to regain your calm. There’s no guilt should you not join, no tuts if you click late or depart early; it’s simply there as an opportunity for you to do something that will make you feel better.

Fifteen minutes shared with a community of people, just people like you; close your eyes, relax your mind and follow a voice. Follow a voice as you are guided through a range of techniques, a variety of timings, picking up some hacks on the way, all of which can help clear and refresh your mind, calm your senses, relax your entire being. All without even having to leave your home, without turning on your camera, without being required to speak, to say your name, without being asked to learn or take notes.

That’s the point: I am not presenting you with yet another task, another thing to think about.

There are no forms to fill, no tests to take; the test is simply: do you feel better? Have you benefited from these fifteen minutes?

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Well that’s 'Off Switch'.

Breathe in 2-3-4, breathe out 2-34. Breathe in, close your eyes, breathe out, relax. We have begun.

Oh, you weren’t ready! OK, breathe in 2-3-4, breathe out 2-3-4. Now, how do you feel? Better? Great, so do I. If we had to describe what it is we do together, we might say making our breath work, making our breath work better, finding we can control how we feel in both our minds and our bodies by how we choose to breathe. Yes, that’s it— making our breath work. For the purposes of 'Off Switch', I tend not to say 'Breathwork', which by its very name implies some form of work; we are not here to work, we are here to relax. We are here using breath to bring about the changes we require; we are here to prepare for now and for our future. It's not mystical, therefore I don’t present it as such. What we explore is history, science, and modern research.

There are no Namastes, nor are there any long, drawn-out scientific explanations involving blackboards or equations; we are simply here to breathe together.

When I mentioned that I don’t ask you to learn, well that's correct; I like to be accurate. I don’t ask you to learn, but equally this in no way prevents you from naturally taking on board the patterns which you find work best for you, the ones which bring about the desired results, those which have the greatest effect and provide the most significant change. You may find yourself using these patterns consciously or subconsciously, at times of stress or at the times you choose to relax. I don’t ask you to learn, but the more you join, the more techniques you are able to take on board. Even the simple act of improving the quality of your regular breath can bring profound changes to your life. Breathing in a group, even though you neither see nor hear other 'Off Switch' participants, provides the feeling of being a part of something, a part of something bigger, creating a greater strength and energy and the knowledge of being supported.

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Photo: ©COECT via canva

You may find yourself ‘meditating’ but we don’t use descriptions like that; it’s just part of the process. If you fall asleep, that’s fine too! When you discover that happening, perhaps join future sessions from your bed.

Pyjamas are as good an outfit as any other; no special clothing or preparation is required, just be as comfortable as you possibly can. It’s your time to look after yourself, your gift of fifteen minutes to you.

How did Off Switch come about?

'Off Switch' was designed back in 2020, with the aim to help carers work through the problems that arose during the extended periods of isolation in which we all found ourselves. The sessions took place in the virtual world; they were succinct, a brief moment of time enabling us to refocus and reset. The techniques we used could also be relayed and repeated to those children and young people we were looking after. As we’ve moved on, the value and reach of these self-care sessions have grown.

The duration always remains the same: fifteen minutes. Easy to accommodate yet enough to achieve the desired effect, always delivered live, with care and compassion. Users now include carer groups, looked-after children, Health Care Trusts, and NHS healthcare professionals.

What is better breathing?

Well, what we are looking to do when breathing in is to nourish both mind and body, and when breathing out, to release toxins and stress. Once stress starts to take hold, breath is likely to turn fast and shallow, limiting our

oxygen intake, to which the body responds by entering fight or flight mode. Taking time to restore a slow and deep breath pattern decreases the need for a fight or flight state. As we activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, think of this as the ‘rest and digest’ state; this will help de-escalate and de-stress, which can lead to more positive feelings. The benefits of better breathing can include a greater quality of sleep, an improved immune system, better digestion, stronger respiratory function, balanced blood pressure, the release of stress hormones, and a reduction of feelings of trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, as well as an improved mental focus; although it may be as simple as saying, ‘I feel a bit better.’

Try Off Switch for yourself Feedback from ‘Off Switch’ participants shows that improved sleep, reduced anxiety, better focus, and the ability to cope with stressful situations are common results from the sessions. But really, the best way to find out how better breathing will help is to join the next course of sessions specifically for COECT. Join me live via Zoom on Monday 28th July at 8:30 pm - 8:45 pm.

Off Switch

Breathwork Sessions with Neil.

Mondays 20:30- 20:45 (BST) Via Zoom

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Scan the QR code to join the 15 minute session.

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Introducing the TIPs Hub Membership

Online Training Portal

Online Wellbeing Programme

TIPs Consult (Virtual problem solving meet-up)

TIPs Meet-Ups (Regional & Virtual Peer support groups)

Family Meet-Ups (Regional Family Events)

Discounts on Qualifications & Havening Sessions.

www.coect.co.uk

Access to Trauma-Informed Parenting Resources

Parental Peer Support Forums

Supportive Listening Calls

Join Now £18 per month