When the Hard Cycles Return: Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Healing
AllocationDay: Preparingforthe nextschoolphase
SpringingForward:The BenefitsofLosinganHour!
Editor'sNote
MeettheTeam!
Now,Next&Later:PlanningTransitions
WhentheHardCyclesReturn:UnderstandingandSupportingYour Child’sHealing
UpcomingEvents
AllocationDay:Preparingforthenextschoolphase
AsktheExperts
HellofromtheGallowayHillsScotland:ATherapist’sviewpoint
SpringingForward:TheBenefitsofLosinganHour!
DearReaders,
Asparents,weoftenencountermomentsofchangeandtransitionthatshapenot onlyourchildren’sexperiencesbutalsoourownjourneys Whetherit'stheexcitement andapprehensionofstartingschool,adaptingtoanewroutine,ornavigating emotionalchallenges,transitionsareallpartofparenting Inthisissue,weexplorethe complexitiesofchangeandhowitaffectsourchildren,especiallythosewith traumaticbackgrounds.
SarahNaishdiscusseshowchildren,particularlythosewithtraumaticbackgrounds, strugglewithtransitionsandroutinechanges,whichcantriggersignificantanxiety. Thisarticleexploresstrategiestoeasethesedifficulties,emphasizingtheimportance ofcompassionandempathyinhelpingchildrencopewiththeirfearslinkedto changes
SarahWatson,achildren'sandadolescentplayandcreativeartstherapistand counsellorbasedinDumfriesandGalloway,highlightstheimportanceofemotional connectionsinparentingandhow,bymakingsmallcommunicationchanges, parentscanpositivelyimpacttheirchildren'swell-being,particularlyforthosewho haveexperiencedtrauma.
Inherarticle,JessicaSpenceleyaddressesthechallengesofparentinganadopted childandthecyclesofregressionthatcanoccurduringthehealingprocess She highlightstheimportanceofmaintainingconnectionthroughstrategieslikebeinga supportiveteammate,prioritisingjoyfulmoments,andpracticingself-compassion.
EmmaEdwardsdiscussesasignificanttransitionthatmostschool-agechildren whosefamiliesintendforthemtostartschoolwillundergointhenextcoupleof months.Thisprocessstartswithchoosingaschool,andoneofthepivotalmomentsin thischangeisallocationdaywhenfamilieslearnwhichschooltheirchildhasbeen assignedto
WehaveinvitedDaveEdwards,ourConflictManagementandDe-escalationTrainer andConsultant,toanswerourAsktheExpertsQ&Aonthisissue,whichisallabout managingchallengingandviolentbehaviourathome.
SairPennaalsodiscussestheupcomingtransitiontoBritishSummerTimeandthe positiveeffectsoflosinganhour,particularlyhowitcancontributetoouroverallwellbeing.
Wehopeyouenjoythisissue
Warmestwishes
Sair, Sarah, and The Team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma
TheCentreofExcellenceinChildTraumaismadeupofateamofexpertswhohave essentialreal-lifeexperience.WeareAdopters,FosterParentsandBioparentsofneuro diversechildren,andalsoworkasprofessionalsinthefield.
ExecutiveEditor-SarahNaish
SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an Adopteroffivesiblings,former FosterParent,retiredSocialWorker, BestsellinginternationalAuthor, KeynoteSpeakerandfounderof threeIndependentTherapeutic FosteringAgencies
ExecutiveEditor-SairPenna Sair(Sarah)isaTherapeuticParent, Trainer, TherapeuticParenting Coach DirectorofNATP,TheHaven ParentingandWellbeingCentre andInspireTrainingGroupand author,SairworksacrossCoECT supportingfamilies
ManagingEditor-Kathryn Talbot
KathrynworksacrossCoECT, specialisingincommunications andpublicrelations
Contributor-EmmaEdwards
EmmaisaTherapeuticParent, Adopter,DirectorofNATPandThe HavenParentingandWellbeing Centre.
Contributor-DaveEdwards
DaveisaTherapeuticParent,Conflict Management&Point-of-Impact CrisisInterventionTrainer.Heworks withinFamilyServicesspecialisingin enablingparentswiththeknowledge andimplementationofdeescalationstrategies,andsupports parentsandagenciesincasesof childonparentviolent
Contributor-Jessica Spenceley
Jessicaisatherapeuticsocial workerwithover20yearsof experiencehelpingadoptive parentsnavigatetheirparenting journeysusingtheattachmentbased,trauma-informed parentingapproachofTBRI®
Contributor-SarahWatson
Sarahisachildren'sandadolescent playandcreativeartstherapist,and counsellor,basedinDumfriesand Galloway.Withabackgroundin socialworkandexperience supportingadoptivefamilies,shehas dedicatedhercareertoaddressing thementalhealthneedsofchildren andfamiliesinhercommunity
Written by Sarah Naish
Whatisatransition?
Forusitmightmean somethingbiglike, movinghouse,startinga newjob Forourchildren, itcanbeassmallas
changingfromplayingwithonetoy toanother,orthechangefrom activitytobedtimeroutine Our childrenhaveveryhighanxiety levelsaroundchangeasinthepast thisoftenhadanegativemeaning forthem Wemayjust bethinkingaboutgoingout somewhereniceinthecar.This couldbeatriggerforthechild astheymayhavebeentakenina carfrom,ortoatraumaticevent.
Everydayexperiencescanbe terrifyingandweneedtoremain awareofthatatalltimes. Ifeverythingseemstobegoing reallywellandthensuddenlyyour child'sbehaviourchangesoutof theblue,(fortheworse)-weneed totryandlookupwhatthepossible triggersforthatare Sometimeswe cannotidentifythem Sometimes theyareobvious.
Wherethechild'searlylifewas traumatic,theirbrainishardwired forfear Theygenerally seeadultsasunsafe.Becauseof this,ifthereisachangeina boundarybyyourselforby anotheradult,thefear/survival responsekicksbackinandtakes over Thechildrevertsquicklyand instantlytooldnegativebehaviour patterns Theleastusefulthingwe candointhissituationistoblame thechild,oraskthechildwhy Thechildiseitherunaware, unconcerned,ordeeplytroubled andperplexedbytheirown behaviour Itisuptous,as therapeuticparents,toworkout whatisgoingonandhowtofixit.
Anempathicresponsetothenew (old)behavioursisourbeststarting point.
Keepinmindwhattriggersthere maybeforyourchild
Sometimesthesearenot obviousandwecanonly identifythembythechild’s reactionstoaspecificchange Giveadvancewarningof activitychangesevenifitis somethingthathappensatthe sametimeeveryday Myson usedtoalwaysbesurprisedthat itwas‘suddenly’showertime! Usetimers,suchassandtimers wherethechildcanseehow muchtimetheyhaveleft On computersandtablets,youcan useacountdownalertaswell. Setalarms Thesecanbefun songsorupbeatsongs,relevant totheactivity.Itisless triggeringforachildtohavean alarmwhichinformsthemitis timeforanactivitychange,than aparenttellingthem!
Aspartofself-care,therapeutic parentsneedtotakebrainbreaksforrecovery Thisneeds tobehandledsensitively The bestwayofminimising disruptiontoallisforrespite carerstobetrainedin therapeuticparentingandto cometolookafterthechildin theirownhome Thiscanalsobe reassuringforthechild,and theygetalittlebreakfromthe hardworkofattachingtotheir newparent Pauseandreflectwheneveryou seeareaction Thinkaboutwhat hasjusthappened,orwhatis abouttohappen Thiscanhelp youtoavoidorminimise reactionsinthefutureand secure.
Thinkaboutthetimingsofwhen youtellchildrenaboutany majoreventssuchascontact, holidays,housemovesetc. Nearlyalltherapeuticparents findthatgivingthechildalotof noticeaboutachangeisnot necessarilyhelpful!Thisjust givesmoretimeforanxietyto build Wherethereisanapproaching contactmeetingwithsignificant othersinthechild’slifethisis likelytoprovokeanxiety,stress, guilt,feelingsoflossandgrief Asparentsandcarers,wemay seeangerandrejection.It's importanttokeepadiaryof yourchild’sreactionsand responsesandany deteriorationsinbehaviours suchasbedwetting,aggression etc Thiscanhelptodetermine lateronhowthecontactis impactingonthechild psychologically Ifyoufeelthe contactisnotbeneficialand youhaveevidenceof deteriorationinthechild’s behavioursandemotionalwellbeing,thisneedstobesharedin apracticalfactbasedmanner Beproactivearoundcontact arrangements Ifthechildis expectedtotravelforhoursina careachwayforacontact sessionwithablebodiedadults, thisisnotacceptable Weneed tobeproactiveaboutcontact arrangements,ensuringthatthe transitionisashortand disruptiveforthechildas possible,especiallyconcerning travellingtoandfromthe contact.
Havingaplanneronthewallwith normalroutinesandsmall eventscanhelpthechildtohave visibilityandfeelsecureabout whatishappeningwhen (See ‘Holidays’)
UseNow/Next/Latercardsora dailyplannerwhichthechildcan carryaroundwiththem Itcanbe veryreassuringforourchildren tohavevisibilityaboutwhatthe sequenceofeventsis
Usetransitionalobjects This mightbesomethingwitha familiarscentwhichthechild cankeepclosesuchasaclothor favouritetoy
Avoidsurprises!Don’tbe temptedtoevenusetheword ‘surprise’unlessyourchildisvery wellestablishedwithyouand secure.
Ifyourchildhides(orgoesblank emotionally)atpickuptime, bearinmindthatthisisa survivalstrategybasedonfear andthechildisnotdoingiton purposetoannoyyou Thechild maybeunsurethatyouarestill safe,thatyouarenotangry,or thatyouhavenotchangedin anyway Thismaybeparticularly prevalentwherethechildhas beenexposedtoaparentwho wasunreliableintheirresponse. Justcarryonasnormal,if possiblespeaktoanotheradult andperhapswonderaloud wherethechildmightbewithout showinganyanger.Ifthereare nototheradultsaroundyoucan usethephonestrategyand speaktoanimaginaryfriendon thephone,usingempathic commentarytolowerthechild’s fearresponse
Reassurethechildthatyouwill bewiththemforthetransition,or namethepersonwhowillbe Usewonderingaloudtokeepup anarrative,explainingwhatyou thinkishappeningforthechild.‘I wonderifyouarehidingunder thebedbecauseyouareworried aboutwhatwillhappenwhenwe leavethehouse?HowcanIhelp youfeellesswobbly?’
Talkabouthowyouwillreturnto thesameplace.Sometimesour childrencannotvisualisethis ‘OncewegetinthecarIam goingtodrivetotownandpark intheshopcarpark.Thenwe willgotothesupermarketand buyourdinner Afterthatwewill getinthecarandcomehome’ Letthechildknowwhenthey canreturntotheactivity
Ifachildisdemonstrating sabotagingbehaviours, approachingasignificant contact,firstofalltrytotellthe childaboutthecontactasclose aspossibletotheactual meeting.Letthechildknowthat youknowwhatisgoingon ‘Ican seethatyouareverywobblyat themoment Thismightbe becauseyouareduetoseeX tomorrow Whatisgoingtohappenis ’ Givedetailedinformationabout whereyouaregoing,whowillbe there,howlongforandwhere thechildwillgonext Itis essentialthatthechildtakesa transitionalobjectto‘return home’with
Ifthetransitionsaroundcontact aretoodifficultforthechildto manage,youneedtofollow yourinstinctshere.Alltoooften contactissetupwithadults whohavebeenthecauseofthe causeofthechild’strauma,in ordertomeettheadult’sneeds, notthechild’s!.Sometimesitis difficultforthechildtoletus knowthatthecontactistoo difficultorfrighteningforthem, sotheytellusthroughtheir behaviours
Followingcontact,ourchildren oftenhaveconflictingloyalties andconfusedfeelings. Avoidplanningexciting distractingactivitiesandallow forsomequiet‘downtime’for reflectionandreintegration. Usenamingtheneedand empathicreflectiontohelpthe childtoexploretheirfeelings aroundthecontactorother transition ‘Ithinkyoumightbe verycrosswithmebecauseyou sawyourDadtodayandyouare
missinghim Thatmustfeelreally sad’. Navigatingtransitionswith children,particularlythosewith ahistoryoftrauma,requires sensitivity,foresight,anda proactiveapproach.
Byunderstandingpotential triggersandimplementing supportivestrategies,suchas providingadvancewarnings, usingvisualaids,and maintainingconsistentroutines, wecanhelpcreateamore secureenvironmentforour children
Empathyandawarenessare essentialtohelptoaddresstheir fearsandbehaviours,allowing themtofeelsafeduringchanges
Ultimately,ourroleasparentsis tosupportchildrenwitha nurturingapproachthatreduces theiranxiety,ensuringthatour childrencanadaptmore comfortablytothetransitionsin theirlives
Extracttakenfrom“TheA-Zof TherapeuticParenting” Sarah Naish (2018)JessicaKingsley Publishers
Date:Wednesday14thMay
Time:10am-4pm
Location:Berkeley,Gloucestershire
£120perperson
Tobookcontactinspire@coect.co.uk
01453519000
Written by Jessica Spenceley
Parentinganadoptedchild is not a straightforward journey. It’s a process of moving forward, slipping back, and finding your way again The key to navigatingtheseupsand downsisunderstandingwhythey happenandrespondingwith connection ThisiswhereTrustBasedRelationalIntervention(TBRI) canhelp
WhyDotheHardCyclesReturn?
It’seasytothinkthatonceyour childseemsmoresecure, connected,andregulated,the hardestpartsofthejourneyare behindyou Buthealingfrom traumahasmanylayers,andas childrengrow,challengesfromthe pastoftencomeback Going throughnewdevelopmentalstages andmeetingnewsocial,emotional, andcognitivemilestonescanbe overwhelmingforchildren And whenchildrenfeelstressed,they regress Thisacommonreason whythoseoldbehaviourpatterns return
Thisdoesn’tmeanyou’rebackat squareone itmeansyourchildis readyfordeeperhealing Each cycleofregressionisactuallyan opportunitytoreinforcetrustand connectionandstrengthenthe foundationofyourrelationship.
SeetheNeedBeneaththe Behaviour
AcoreprincipleofTBRIisthat challengingbehavioursand emotionscommunicateunderlying
unmetneeds Often,whatyourchild isactuallycommunicatingina difficultcycleistheirdeepneedfor comfort,safety,orco-regulation
Sothenexttimethingsgettricky, takeamomentbeforeyourespond andconsider:
Ismychildhungry,thirsty,or tired?(Physicalneedsfirst!)
Aretheyoverwhelmedby sensoryinput?
Doesmychildneedtofeelsafe andsoothed?
Whenyouareabletoseethereal need,yousetyourselfuptobeable torespondwithinsightand compassion.Thatshiftfeelsawhole lotbetterforbothyouandyour child
TBRIoffersmanystrategiestohelp meetyourchild’sneeds,allofwhich canbeadaptedtofityourown uniquefamily. Thecommonthread amongthemisthattheyarerooted inconnection However, maintainingconnectioncanfeel toughwhenyou'rebackinahard cycle Hereareafewwaystostay presentandsupportiveduringthose moments.
BetheirTeammate
Averycommonfearamong adoptedchildrenisthattheir foreverfamilywillrejectand abandonthem.
Thisoftenbecomesheightened whenthosehardcyclesreturn becausechildrenworrythattheir “difficultbehaviours”willpush theirparentsaway.
Letyourchildknowtheyaren’t alone. Thismightlooklikesitting besidethemquietlyduringa meltdown,offeringagentletouch ifwelcomed,ormodellingdeep breathstohelpregulatetheir emotions Evenasimplephrase like,Iseeyou’reupset;let’sfigure thisouttogether,reinforcesthat you’reonthesameteam
Activelyshowingyourchildthat you’rewiththembuildstrustand strengthensyourbond,while helpingtoreducetheirfears
Whenchallengesarise,it’seasy forfunandjoytoslipintothe background Makeitapriorityto carveoutregularmomentsof undividedattentionwithyour child Itcanbethingslike10 minutesofchild-ledplay,doing anactivitytogether,orlisteningto
themtellyouallabouttheirlatest favouritething Thesemomentsshow yourchildthattheyareseen,heard, andvalued Plus,thosesmallmoments ofconnectionfeelgoodandhelpyou tomaintainmoreofasenseofbalance whenthingsaretough
GiveyourselfGrace
Whilesupportingyourchild,it’salso importanttoextendthesamekindness andpatiencetoyourself Giving yourselfgracemeansrecognizingthat youwon’talwaysgetitright–and that’sokay Whenthingsgettough, smallactsofself-carecanmakethe cyclefeelmucheasiertogetthrough.It canbeanynumberofthingsliketaking deepbreaths,steppingintoanother roomforamomenttocentreyourself, orremindingyourself,I’mdoingthe bestIcan,andthat’senough
TheOngoingJourney
Asyoupracticethisagainandagain, you’restrengtheningyourchild’sability totrust–trustthattheyaresafe,that theirneedsmatter,andthatyouwill showupforthem. It’sthosesmall moments,builtupovertime,that createlastingchange
Whenoldchallenges resurface,it’seasytofeellike allyourprogresshasbeen undone Butyourchild’s healing journeyisn’t measuredbytheabsenceof
struggles–it’smeasuredby theirgrowingabilitytotrust andconnect Andyour compassionatepresenceis whatmakesallthedifference
JessicaisthefounderofNurturedBelongingwhereshehelpsparentsandadoptedchildren overcomechallenges,healfromthepast,andbuildstrong,connectedrelationships
ToconnectwithJessica,gotohttps://nurturedbelongingcom/
of our team have had first-hand experience of therapeutically parenting children with either trauma backgrounds or neurodiverse characteristics. We get how hard it can be at times.
Managing Feelings for ParentsCompassion Fatigue
Tuesday 26th April, 10 am - 1 pm
Nottingham
Exploring the Foundations of Attachment
Thursday 24th April, 10 am - 1 pm
Devon
First Steps In Therapeutic Parenting
Wednesday 7th May, 10 am - 1 pm
Leicester
Managing Challenging & Violent Behaviour At Home
Tuesday 13th May & Wednesday 14th May, 10 am - 4 pm
Coventry
Managing Feelings for ParentsCompassion Fatigue
Tuesday 20th May, 10 am - 1 pm
Cardiff
Exploring the Foundations of Attachment
Tuesday 27th May , 10 am - 1 pm
Durham
Through the Keyhole - Easter/Sugar
Friday 4th April 2025, 12:00 noon – 1:00 pm (BST)
Join us for a supportive series designed to empower trauma-informed parents with practical tips and meaningful ideas on the topic of easter and the associated consumption of chocolate/ sugar content
Through the Keyhole - Lying & Stealing
Friday 2nd May 2025, 12:00 noon – 1:00 pm (BST)
Join us for a supportive series designed to empower trauma-informed parents with practical tips and meaningful ideas on lying and stealing.
Through the Keyhole - Social Media
Friday 6th June 2025, 12:00 noon – 1:00 pm (BST)
Join our panel for a supportive series designed to empower trauma-informed parents with practical tips and meaningful ideas on the influence of social media.
For more information click on the QR code or go to https://wwwnaotpcom/natp-training-booking
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Bedtime Issues
Friday 14th March 2025
12 noon - 1 00 pm (BST)
Are bedtime struggles leaving you and your child feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? Join us for an engaging and informative webinar that explores the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching Strategies to tackle nightly challenges
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Birthdays, Christmas and other Celebrations
Friday 21st March 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for an insightful webinar on the section Birthdays, Christmas, and Other Celebrations through the lens of trauma-informed teaching As educators and caregivers we understand that celebrations can evoke a range of emotions, especially for individuals who have experienced trauma.
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Biting
Monday 31st March 2025
10.00 am - 11.00 am (BST)
Unlock the keys to fostering a supportive learning environment in our engaging webinar, Biting, from The A-Z of Trauma Informed Teaching Join us as we delve into the complexities of behaviour, exploring how trauma influences aggression in educational settings. In this webinar we will be looking at why this may be happening and preventative strategies to help you move forward.
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Boasting and Lying
Thursday 10th April 2025
10 00 am - 11 00 am (BST)
Join us for an insightful webinar as we explore the dynamics of lying and boasting through the lens of trauma-informed teaching. In this session, we will delve into the root causes behind these behaviours, unpacking how trauma can influence communication and self-perception Learn practical strategies for recognising and responding to these behaviours in a compassionate and supportive way, fostering a safe environment for growth and learning
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Charming
Thursday 17th April
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for an engaging webinar as we dive into the "Charming" section of the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching. In this session, we’ll explore how charm can be a defense mechanism for individuals impacted by trauma, often masking deeper feelings of insecurity, fear, or pain Learn how to recognise the signs of charm in the classroom, understand its roots, and develop strategies to create authentic, trusting relationships with students
MARCH-MAY2025CONTINUED
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Choosing Difficulties
Tuesday 25th April 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for a thought-provoking webinar on the "Choosing Difficulties" section from the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching. In this session, we’ll explore how students who have experienced trauma may unconsciously create or gravitate toward difficult choices or situations as a way of coping with their past experiences. We’ll discuss the underlying causes of these behaviours and share practical strategies for supporting students in making healthier, more empowering decisions. The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Clothing
Friday 30th April 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for a fascinating webinar on the "Clothing" section from the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching. In this session, we’ll explore how clothing can serve as a powerful form of selfexpression, protection, or even a coping mechanism for students impacted by trauma.
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Compassion Fatigue
Wednesday 7th May 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for an essential webinar on the "Compassion Fatigue" section from the A-Z of TraumaInformed Teaching. In this session, we’ll explore the impact of compassion fatigue on educators, counsellors, and anyone working with trauma-affected individuals. Learn how constant exposure to others' trauma can lead to emotional burnout, reduced empathy, and diminished effectiveness. We’ll share strategies for recognising the signs of compassion fatigue and offer practical tools for self-care, setting boundaries, and recharging your emotional resilience. This webinar is designed to help you sustain your well-being while continuing to provide compassionate support to those who need it most.
For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.traumarevolution.co.uk/events
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Nonsense Chatter
Monday 12th May 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for an insightful webinar on the "Nonsense Chatter" section from the A-Z of TraumaInformed Teaching In this session, we’ll explore how seemingly aimless or excessive talking can be a coping mechanism for students dealing with trauma, serving as a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions or gain control over their environment
The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching - Controlling Behaviours
Wednesday 21st May 2025
10:00 am - 11:00 am (BST)
Join us for a transformative webinar on the "Controlling Behaviours" section from the A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching In this session, we’ll examine how controlling behaviours in students often stem from trauma-related needs for safety, predictability, and control over their environment
For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.traumarevolution.co.uk/events
Free Allegation Support Pack: Supporting Parents Through Challenging Times
At CoECT, we understand how devastating and isolating an allegation can feel for parents and carers. That’s why we’ve created an Allegation Pack, designed to provide guidance, reassurance, and practical support to help you navigate this difficult situation. www.coect.co.uk
Written by Emma Edwards
AllocationDay justtwosmall words,yettheycarryimmense weight Forparentsand guardians,thesewordsare chargedwitharaw,unfiltered intensity ablendofhopeand apprehensionthatsetsthepulse racing.Forfamiliesofneurodiverseor earlytrauma-affectedchildren,this dayisnotmerelyaboutlogistics;itis anemotionalcrossroads It’sthe culminationofdreams,fears,anda yearningforaplacewheretheir child’suniquenesswillbecherished, notjustaccommodated
TheEmotionalCocktailofAllocation Day
Formanyparents,AllocationDayfeels likestandingontheedgeofa precipice teeteringbetween exhilarationanddread There’sthe gnawingfearofwhethertheassigned schoolwillhavetheresources, compassion,andunderstandingto trulyseetheirchildforwhotheyare Willthestaffrecognisetheirpotential beyondthelabels?Willthe infrastructureprovideasenseof safetyandbelonging?
Andyet,tetheredtothisfearisthe ever-presenthope Ahopethat somewhere,amidstthechaosof decisionsandpolicies,liesa communitywheretheirchildcan thrive It’sanoverwhelming concoctionofemotions love,worry, resilience,andasilent,unshakable commitmenttofightforwhat’sbest. Asparents,wemustturnthis emotionaltideintoaction Weneedto channelthesefeelingsinto constructivestepsthatnotonly advocateforourchildrenbutalso empowerustofacethechallenges head-on
Theeducationsystemcanfeellike anintricatemaze eachtwistand turnrevealingnewcomplexitiesfor parentsofchildrenwhodon’tfitthe mould.
Thestakesarenothingshortof monumental Eachdecisioncarries theweightofachild’sfuture,and thepathforwarddemandsequal partspatience,persistence,and courage
Fromdecipheringeducational healthcareplans(EHCPs)to findingschoolsthattrulyembody inclusivity,theprocessisboth exhaustingandenlightening.These parentsnavigatethismazewith steelydetermination,drivenbya fiercelovethatrefusestolettheir childbeoverlookedor misunderstood.
Butamidstthetechnicalities, there’saguidinglight:instinct Sometimes,therightschoolisn’t justabouttheOfstedratingorthe policiesinplace it’sabouta feeling,asparkofconnectionthat tellsyou,“Thisiswheremychildwill besafeandcelebrated”
Everyparentdreamsofaschool thatfeelslikeasecondhome a placewheretheirchildcanshed theirarmourandsimplybe.Butthe realityoffindingsuchasanctuary canfeeldaunting Thepolished presentationsduringopendays oftenmaskthetrueessenceofa school’sethos
Parentsmustbecomedetectives, askingtoughquestionsand observingwitheagleeyes Doesthe staffshowgenuinewarmth,orisit rehearsed?
Dothechildrenseemhappyand engaged,oristhereanunderlying tension?Thisprocessisasmuch aboutintuitionasitisabout information Forfamiliesof neurodiversechildren,thestakesare evenhigher.
Aschoolthatfailstounderstanda child’striggersorsensoryneedscan quicklybecomeaminefield,draining theirconfidenceandjoy.Ontheflip side,aschoolthatembracestheir individualitycanignitea transformationthat’snothingshort ofmiraculous.
TheRoleofCommunication
Attheheartofeverysuccessful schooljourneyliescommunication abridgebuiltonmutualrespectand sharedunderstanding Parentsand educatorsmaynotalwaysseeeye toeye,buttheircollaborationisvital tocreatinganenvironmentwhere thechildcanflourish
Parentsbringinvaluableinsightinto theirchild’suniqueworld their triggers,theircopingmechanisms, theirdreams Whenpairedwiththe expertiseofeducators,this partnershipbecomesaforcetobe reckonedwith Together,theycan navigatethehurdlesandcelebrate thevictories,alwayskeepingthe child’sbestinterestsatheart
AsAllocationDaycomesandgoes, rememberthis:itisnottheend,buta beginning Thejourneyofadvocating forandsupportingyourchildisa marathon,notasprint Therewillbe hurdles,tears,andmomentsofselfdoubt Buttherewillalsobetriumphs, breakthroughs,andtheimmense prideofknowingyouneverstopped fightingforyourchild’shappiness andsuccess
Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon will be joining our team to answer your questions and provide valuable insights into therapeutic
Join us at one of our drop-in events. For more information go to www.coect.co.uk
Letourteamofexpertswithfirst-handexperience,guide youthroughsomeofthosetrickyTIPmoments! Inthisissue,wearejoinedbyDaveEdwardswhohas answeredyourquestion.
"I have been recommended to attend the Managing Challenging and Violent Behaviour course. As a parent struggling with my child's challenging behaviour, how can I effectively apply the strategies taught in the Managing Challenging and Violent Behaviour course to create a safer and more supportive environment at home?"
OurManagingChallengingand ViolentBehaviourtwoday courseisbuiltonpersonallived experienceandbasedon TherapeuticParenting techniquessuchasPACEand maintainingpositive attachments Thisisalongside triedandtestedcrisis managementandconflict resolutionstrategies Thecourse canbeseparatedintothree basicstages‘What,Whyand How’.
The‘What’startswiththe professionals(parentsand supportingprofessionals) attendingthecoursesharingan insightintotheissuesand difficultiestheyarehaving currently.Thiswillbefocusedon behavioursshown,effectson familiesandrelationshipsand thetriggersarisingfromthem Weunderstandthatevery parentisdifferentandwhat somewouldfindquite straightforwardtodealwith, othersmaybeoverwhelmedby duetotheirownlevelsofstress ortrauma
Wethencoverthe‘Why’ representingtheunderlying reasonsandemotionsforthe behaviour,andtheimpactonus
thatcancauseournegative responses.Wediscussthe incidentcycleandlookatwhat thesignsandcharacteristicsare foreachofthese.Theseinclude tell-talesignssuchaschangesin bodylanguageandtoneofvoice thatindicatethattheyare beginningtostruggletomaintain theiremotions.Wealsolookat identifyingthedifferences betweenchronologicaland developmentalagesofthechild, inthemoment,andhowwecan adjustourresponses accordingly
Thefinalpartofthefirstdayisto identifytheattendee’spriorities intermsofbehaviourstheyfind mostdifficulttodealwith This enablesustochoosewhichof thescenarioswehavecreatedto mosteffectivelysharelearning experiences,whichenablethem tostarttobemorecomfortable indealingwiththosebehaviours, whentheyfacethemathome
Thesecovereachescalating pointfromlowlevelnon escalation,whichcansometimes bethemostfrustrating,through toconflictmanagement techniquesincludingour positioning,crisisanddistance managementnecessarytokeep
TR - Oxford
everyonesafeandthenhowto endtheseincidentsinabetter placethanwhentheystarted Theseareallunderpinnedwith empathiclisteningand therapeuticparenting knowledgetomaintainthe attachmentsandself-esteemof allparties.
The2dayscontainsavarietyof differentlearningmethodsto provideasmuchinformation andhandsonexperienceas possible
Formoreinformationonthe ManagingChallengingand ViolentBehaviourTrainingvisit
www.naotp.com/managingchall enging-violentbehaviour
Doyouhaveaquestionabout acertainbehaviouryourchild displaysorasituationwhich seemstricky?
Writeintousviatheemail tips@coect.co.uktogetyour questionansweredintheAsk theExpertssection.
For: All Parents, Kinship Carers and SGOs
Dates & Times: 13th & 14th May, Coventry, 10 am - 4 pm 15th & 16th July, Cardiff, 10 am - 4 pm
https://wwwnaotpcom/managing challenging-violentbehaviour
Written by Sarah Watson
ImovedtoDumfriesand Gallowayjustovertwoyears agowhichisalovelyarea withHills,Lochsandlotsof sheep!However,itseems
quiteremotewhenitcomestoany sortofservicesandasIhave researchedtheareaforany therapeuticprovisionforchildrenand familiesevenatthebasiclevel,ithas becomeobviousthatitisvirtually non-existent
Throughmyexperienceasan AdoptionSocialWorkerfor10years andthenventuringintoPlayand CreativeArtsTherapy,Ihave developedarealpassiontogetthe messageacrossaboutwhatis termedas‘TherapeuticParenting’but aswellasbeinginvaluablefor parentswhohaveexperienced trauma,Ibelievethisapproachisas relevanttoallparentsasitbasically setsasolidfoundationtothe parent/childrelationship.However,it isoftenmuchlateronthatparents cometothisapproachwhenthereis asenseofdesperationandoften despairwhenitbecomesdamage limitationoncedifficultieshave escalated,ortraumahasoccurred
Youprobablythinkthatusingthe wordsimpleandparentinginthe samebreathislikesayingMarmite goeswellwithicecream!Theconcept thatparentingissimplemustcome fromsomeonewhoiscompletely deludedorhasabsolutelyno experiencewiththechallengesthat everydayparentingbrings However, tothecontrary,Iamnotsuggesting thatparentingissimplebyany means,butthatthemainprincipleis asimpleconcept,andthatitisall aboutconnectingandkeeping CONNECTION
Beingconnectediswhatmakesour childrenfeelnotonlyphysicallybut emotionallysafe Connectionwith someoneiswhatmakesusallfeel safeandcomfortableinsomeone’s
companyevenasadults,doesn’t it?
Well,thinkhowmuchmorea vulnerablebabyorchild,and especiallyateenager,needsto feelthatConnection However,this canoftengetlostevenintheearly stageswhenasparentswefeelthe needtofollowsociety'spressures andmessagessuchas,notbeing soft,notlettingthemgetawaywith things,notgivingin,needto operatetoughlove,needto colludewithwhatschoolsare saying,ourparentsviewsorour owninnervoiceofhowwewere parentedetc Thesearealldifficult thingstosetaside
Still,thereisrealfreedomin actuallyallowingyourselftotruly putyourarmsaroundyourchildin anemotionalsenseandultimately showingthememotionalwarmth Hence,theyknowthatyouare,and alwayswillbe,intheircorner whateverhappensandwhatever theydoordonotdo Ihavemet manyparentsovertheyearswho havefeltboundbyridgedrules andasetof‘Musts’and‘Shoulds’, suchashavingcertaintable mannersthattheirchildrenneed toadhereto,thattheirchildren needtodocertainchores,they needtoabidebycertainroutines, etc Thereisnothingwrongwith
theseasaguide,butitiswhenwe makethese,oranythingelse, moreofanissuethanour relationshipwithourchildthatwe losethevitalCONNECTION
Parentingisnotaboutsavingface orstickingtoourguns,thisdoes notmeanallowingthemtorule theroostorgivingintotheirevery whim,itisaboutbeingkind,warm, andforgiving,showingthatyou areforthemandnotagainst themandultimatelygivingour childrenwhattheyneedwhichis emotionalsafety.
ChildrenandYoungPeoplewho haveexperiencedtraumaor anxietyinwhateverformneedthis connectiontotheirparentseven moreastheycontinueintheir livestonavigatewhatcanbea veryscaryandunpredictable world
Thisphrasemightbefamiliarto youascomingfromMichael Mosley,theDoctorwhosadlydied lastyear,butwhocoinedthisterm andsuggestedthatjustchanging onethinginyourlifeorahabit couldhaveapositiveimpacton yourhealthandwell-being AsI haveledparentinggroupsovera numberofweeks,ithasbecome apparenthowjusttweaking
somethingeveneversoslightlycan alterthechainofevents,thereby shiftingthepatternof communicationand,therefore, behaviourintheirchildren This couldbejustachangeoftonein yourvoice,stoppingforamoment beforegivingyourusualresponse, mayberespondingwithaquestion orwonderingaboutwhattheyhave justsaidordone,ormaybesimply ignoringsomething.
Fromourunderstandingof neuroscience,weknowthatthe brainformsneuralpathways, whichbecomemoreentrenched themoretheyareusedand, therefore,moreinstinctive Wealso nowknowthatthebrainhasan elasticity,whichmeansitcan changeanddevelopnewneural pathways,butthisrequiresinitial efforttoretrainthebrainthrough repetitiveactions.
Sojusttryalteringonethingand watchforthatshift!
Sarahwouldlovetotalkmoreaboutthesetopicsandyour individualcircumstances Sheoffersface-to-facesessions(if youlivelocally)orZoomparentingsessionsforanyone, regardlessoflocation Additionally,sheprovidesChildren’sand AdolescentPlayandCreativeArtsTherapyandCounselling locally FormoreinformationaboutSarahandtheservicesshe offers,visitwww.time-to-blossom-therapy.com
wwwtruefosteringcom
With this customised qualification, individuals will acquire the essential expertise and effective coaching methods to excel as a therapeutic parenting coach
You will learn about:
Understanding the Traumatised Child
Understanding parents; interactions, and reactions
Develop Knowledge and Understanding of Therapeutic Parenting
Exploring and understanding syndromes, disorders and survival behaviours associated with developmental trauma
Implementing initial therapeutic parenting strategies to work towards positive outcomes for children with developmental trauma
Implementing advanced therapeutic parenting strategies to work towards positive outcomes for children with developmental trauma
Understanding Family Life
Develop a Therapeutic Parenting Knowledge Base for Coaching
Promoting Resilience, Self-Development and Wellbeing in parents and children
Supporting Parents as a Therapeutic Parenting Coach
Written by Sair Penna
Asthechillywinter monthsendandthe daysstartgetting longer,weprepare ourselvesforthearrival ofSpring. Alongwith thechangein
weather,wealsoexperiencethe annualtraditionoflosinganhour duetodaylightsavingtime. Whilemanyofusdreadlosing thatprecioushourofsleep,there areactuallysomesurprising benefitstospringingforward In thisarticleweexplorethe positiveeffectsoflosinganhour andhowitcancontributetoour overallwell-being.
EmbracingtheSpringEquinox
Thespringequinoxisatimeof renewalandrebirthaswemove awayfromthedarknessof winter Itsymbolisesthereturnof longerdaysandwarmer weather,whichbringsnewlifeto plantsandanimals.Itisatimeto letgoofnegativethoughtsand habits,makingroomforgrowth andpositivity Thechangesin naturecaninspireustomake positivechangesinourownlives Bymentallypreparingourselves forthischange,wecanstartthe seasonwithafreshmindset We canletgoofthepastandfocus onthepresent,makingroomfor newexperiencesand opportunities.Thiscanhelpus feelmoreenergisedand motivatedtopursueourgoals
EstablishingaNewRoutine Losinganhourduetodaylight savingtimecanbeachanceto createanewroutine.
Asourbodiesadapttothetime change,itprovidesan opportunitytoevaluateourdaily habitsandmakepositive changes
Whetherit'sbeginninganew exerciseregime,includingmore self-careactivities,ordedicating timetoahobby,anewroutine canenhancebalanceand structureinourlives.
TheBenefitsofLosinganHour–yesreally!
Althoughlosinganhourofsleep duetodaylightsavingtimemay seemlikeadisadvantage,there areactuallysomeunexpected advantages Studieshave revealedthattimechangecan enhanceourmoodandboost ourproductivity.
Furthermore,itcanencourage ustoengageinmoreoutdoor activitiesandgetexposedto naturallight,whichisknownto haveapositiveeffectonour mentalhealth.
Aswetransitiontothenewseason andprepareforthetimechange,it iscrucialtomaintainapositive mindset Springisatimeofgrowth andrenewal,andbystaying mindfulandgratefulforthegood thingsinourlives,wecanfully appreciatethebenefitsthatcome withspringingforward.Thelonger daysandwarmerweathercan inspireustogetoutside,takeup newhobbies,orspendqualitytime withlovedones.So,let'sembrace thisnewseasonwithenthusiasm andrealisticoptimism!
Whilelosinganhourofsleepmay notseemideal,thebenefitsof springingforwardareworthit. Fromembracingthespring equinoxtodeclutteringourlives andestablishingnewroutines, losinganhourcanpositively impactouroverallwell-being.So, let'swelcomethechangeof seasonandmakethemostofour extrahourofdaylight!
Twohouses,twohomes, ButwhichplacedoIcallhome? Twonightshere,twonightsthere— ItreallydoesfeellikeI'malwaysmovingeverywhere. Packingabagforthisandthat, AndthenItrytorememberwhichhouseIleftmyfavouritehat Step-parents,step-siblings,pets,andall; IreallywishsometimesIcouldjustclosemydoor. Wehavelotsofstuff,fromonehousetothenext, Butthesetupissodifferent,Ifindithardtoadjust. Don'tgetmewrong;it'snotallthatbad AtleastIgettoseebothmymumandmydad. ButIwonderiftheyrealisehowharditisforme— Havingtobefromasplitfamily.
Lifewouldbeeasierifthereweretwoofme.