TIPs Issue 17

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE

T.I.Ps

Trauma Informed Parents ISSUE No.17 September 2025

IN THIS ISSUE: "THROWING WATER ON THE FLAMES NOT THE SMOKE ALARM" Understanding Behaviour as a mode of communication

From Surviving to Connecting: New Approach to Challenging Behaviour

Regulate from the Inside Out: Nutritional Approaches to Support Nervous System Regulation

Evenings on edge Supporting Children When Safety Looks Like Rage

Photo: ©Coect

Meet the Team!

Executive Editor - Sarah Naish

Executive Editor - Sair Penna

Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot

Contributor - Jessica Spenceley Jessica is a therapeutic social worker with over 20 years of experience helping adoptive parents navigate their parenting journeys using the attachment-based, trauma-informed parenting approach of TBRI®.

Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies. Sarah is also and cofounder and CEO at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

Kathryn is co-founder and managing editor of the TIPs magazine, at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C specialising in public relations.

Contributor - Gareth Thomas Gareth is a Kinship Carer to three children, and has volunteered with children for fifteen years. He hosts and produces the new CoECT Podcast series "Trauma Talks". Gareth is also a Senior Trainer, Ambassador for Wales and Director of Strategy and Communications at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C. Contributor - Dave Edwards Dave is a Conflict Management & Point-of-Impact Crisis Intervention Trainer. He works within Family Services specialising in enabling parents with the knowledge and implementation of de-escalation strategies, and supports parents and agencies in cases of child on parent violent.

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Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Author, Parent Coach and Havening practitioner. Sair is also co-founder and Director of Training, Qualifications & Quality at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C

Contributor - Laura Taylor

Laura Taylor is an independent Social Worker, Trauma Informed and Responsive Trainer, Practice Educator, Author and Key Note Speaker. You may have seen Laura in some of our training and webinars as she regularly supports COECT with our busy training schedule.

Contributor Sarah Hanratty Sarah is a Clinical Nutritionist specialising in the gut–brain connection and supporting mental and physical wellbeing.

She works with children and adults to restore balance, build resilience, and thrive.

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TRAUMA-INFORMED PARENTS

CONTENTS 4 Throwing water on the flames not the smoke alarm: Understanding Behaviour as a mode of communication

6 From Surviving to Connecting: A New Approach to Challenging Behaviour

20 Regulate from the Inside Out: Nutritional Approaches to Support Nervous System Regulation.

3 Editor's Note 9 Evenings on Edge: Supporting Children When Safety Looks Like Rage 12 Time Out: Take Five minutes to yourself

15 Practising with Insight: A Level 4 Qualification in TraumaInformed Practice

17 -18 UPCOMING EVENTS CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2025/2026

19 Ask the Experts

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From its beginnings as a Therapeutic Parenting Group on Facebook a decade ago, we have evolved into a Community Interest Company dedicated to supporting parents of children who have faced early life trauma and display neurodiverse charachteristics. This edition focuses on The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

Editor’s Note Hello Everyone, Welcome to the September edition of TIPS magazine! Can you believe it’s already that time of year again, that the summer holidays may seem a distant memory and school has started for those who attend. We are also now on our 17th edition of TIPS! As we transition into from Summer to Autumn, many of us are gearing up to survive the hustle and bustle of school and work life, which can sometimes lead to feelings of overwhelm, especially for parents. In this edition, we’ll also explore how to interrupt parental compassion fatigue, helping parents find balance and support during the busy weeks ahead.

In this issue, we’re excited to explore the theme of behaviour as a mode of communication. It’s fascinating how our actions can speak volumes, often telling stories that words can’t quite capture, and this is similar for our children. Often their behaviours tell their story when their words cannot.

We also have an article on the new Level 4 Trauma-Informed Practitioner Diploma has just launched.

This customised qualification, which is independently accredited with NCFE CACHE and ACCPH, is a fantastic opportunity for those looking to deepen their understanding and skills in supporting individuals who have experienced trauma. Whether you’re just starting out in social care or you’ve been in the sector for a while, the diploma is sure to be a valuable addition to your toolkit.

As always, we would love to hear from you. Do get in contact with us by emailing tips@coect.co.uk.

Warmest wishes Sair, Sarah & The Team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C

Sair Penna Executive Editor

Kathryn Talbot Managing Editor

TIPs Magazine

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"Throwing water on the flames not the smoke alarm" Written By Gareth Thomas During my childhood, the smoke alarm seemed a regular soundtrack to daily life. The mere thought of popping some sliced bread into the toaster appeared enough to set it off. These days, we rarely hear that dreaded sound.

So what happens if we hear the sound now? Our first thought should be “fire”.

This seems logical enough to be unworthy of a mention. The smoke alarm sounds, so we check (through our various senses) to see if there is a fire. If we find one, we have some important decisions to make.

Get everyone to safety, attempt to put out the fire, and/or call emergency services.

What we wouldn’t do is throw water on the smoke alarm. And yet, this is precisely what we often do when it comes to behaviour.

Behaviour is the best (and sometimes, only) form of communication available to children with early life trauma. Their actions are the siren from the alarm.

Just like the alarm, they alert us to something else that’s going on, and yet the temptation is to address the behaviour, and not what lies beneath.

Pouring water on the alarm isn’t just a bad idea; it makes things much worse. The fire keeps burning.

Why do we respond to the behaviour and not the need?

An important factor is social influence. Our default parenting style is heavily influenced by how we were parented and the broader societal expectations of how we should parent. For those observing a

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child “misbehaving” in a supermarket, it would seem a perfectly logical response for their parent to shout at the child, perhaps with a few threats added in for good measure (“If you don’t stop this, we won’t be going to the playground on the way home.”).

We can discuss at length why this approach doesn’t work. Still, we first need to acknowledge how this parenting style is socially acceptable and how a different approach may attract a significant volume of disapproving looks and comments.

How do we respond to the need?

For our child in the supermarket, their shouting and screaming is their smoke alarm sounding. It’s our job, as therapeutic parents, to identify what’s triggering the alarm. They could be small sparks (a slight change in the usual routine, concerns around what time lunch will be today, etc.) or some bigger flames (a memory of earlier abuse, fears around visiting someone who harmed them in the past, etc.).

Accepting and validating how they feel is a great place to start.

Our children have Internal Working Models that convince them they’re not worthy of acceptance or validation. They believe they aren’t allowed big feelings. We can do this while also making it clear what behaviour is acceptable.

“I can see that you’re finding this tough at the moment. I’m here for you, but it’s not OK for you to hit your sister, and that needs to stop now.”

Our children want to be seen and understood, but they don’t receive that unless they feel safe. Our most vital job as parents is keeping children safe, but a very close second is helping children feel safe.

The two are linked, but not the same.

Next, we need to accept that children with early-life trauma often need some help with their thinking.

We know they may have an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex (where logical thought and decision-making happen), and that even this underdeveloped brain area will be offline during moments of distress. Telling our children to “sit there and think about what you’ve done” isn’t going to help. Instead, we do some thinking with and for them.

“You’ve got a big day coming up tomorrow, and I think you’re worrying about how it will go.”

This requires some attunement (not always easy in the middle of a supermarket). We’re making an educated guess about what our child is thinking. They may not even be fully aware of what’s unsettling them, but they know something isn’t right. And so this can come as a shock to them. It’s not unusual to be told we’re wrong (along with a few other choice

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words), and it’s our job to decide if we’re wrong or if we’re right, but it’s a lot to take in.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

We’ve validated and accepted how they feel, and we’ve done some thinking with/for them. We can start to offer some solutions.

The timing for this needs to be right, and (sticking with our supermarket example), a more appropriate time for further discussion might be the drive home or after lunch. Whenever it’s done, this job becomes significantly easier and substantially more effective now that we know what’s causing the smoke alarm to beep.

"I’ve been thinking that, with tomorrow being a big day, you might be worried I won’t be there if you need me. I’ve decided I’ll take a book and sit in the car while you’re there. If you need me during the hour, I’ll be right outside.”

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

At every step, we’re balancing huge waves of empathy with clear signs of safety.

This is how we throw water on the flames, and not the smoke alarm.

Understanding behaviour as a mode of communication Join us to develop the skills to interpret behaviour through a trauma-informed lens and respond with empathy, insight, and effective strategies.

For: Social Workers, Therapists, Children's Support workers, and family support workers. ​Cost: £120 per person plus VAT Next Training date: Tuesday 21st October, Cardiff, 10 am - 3 pm

Photo: ©JSpenceley

From Surviving to Connecting: A New Approach to Challenging Behaviour Written By Jessica Spenceley When adoptive parents reach out to me, it’s usually because they’re struggling to manage their child’s behaviours. Not listening. Explosive reactions.

Swearing. Meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere. Parents have already tried everything they can think of – rewards, consequences, stricter routines, taking parenting advice from friends and family – but nothing seems to stick.

It’s exhausting, discouraging, and lonely That’s where Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI®) comes in. TBRI is a traumainformed parenting approach that helps you move beyond behaviour management into something deeper: building lasting connection, meeting your child’s holistic needs, and guiding behaviour through compassion rather than fear or control. At its core, TBRI is about helping your child heal from early trauma, and the greatest source of that healing is you.

But how do you build those healing connections when you’re constantly in correction mode, just trying to get through the day? TBRI helps make connection possible even in the hardest moments, and ISSUE 17

these practical steps can show you how.

Step Two: Focus on Connection Before Correction Feelings

Step One: Shift Your Perspective

TBRI teaches that connection is the foundation of parenting. It’s the starting point, not the reward for good behaviour.

The first step is reframing how you see your child’s behaviour. When you’re exhausted and triggered, it’s easy to interpret your child’s actions as wilful, disrespectful, or manipulative. But for children who have experienced trauma, behaviours are rarely what they seem on the surface.

Instead of asking “How do I stop this behaviour?”, try asking “What is this behaviour trying to tell me?”

When the parents I work with begin to reflect this way, they often discover that underneath their child’s big behaviours are big feelings: rejection, grief, jealousy, fear. These insights don’t excuse the behaviour, but they do change the way you approach it.

How you respond to grief is very different to how you respond to

When your child is dysregulated, your connection is what helps bring them back to a place of safety. You can do this through eye contact, a warm tone of voice, a gentle touch (if welcomed), shared laughter, or simply sitting close and staying present.

Offering connection may feel counterintuitive, or even permissive, especially when your child is shouting at you or throwing things. However, showing your child that even in hard moments, you are safe, consistent, and emotionally available builds trust – something many adopted children deeply need, but struggle to access.

intentional disrespect.

Step Three: Meet Needs Proactively

This shift doesn’t just lead to more empathy – it leads to more effective parenting.

Many challenging behaviours are driven by unmet needs: physical, emotional, sensory, or relational.

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TBRI encourages you to meet those needs proactively, rather than reacting to the fallout when things go wrong.

Some examples: Physical needs: Is your child tired, hungry, or overstimulated?

A quick snack or movement break can go a long way.

Emotional needs: Has something triggered old feelings of rejection or loss? Your steady presence and empathy help re-regulate.

Relational needs: Is your child seeking attention? Intentional one-on-one time, even ten minutes of child-led play or general playfulness, can build security and reduce the need for “acting out.”

By anticipating and meeting needs, you can often prevent the behaviours before they start.

Step Four: Offer Gentle Guidance When correction is needed, TBRI offers strategies that are firm, clear,

and kind. Discipline isn’t about punishment – it’s about teaching.

And teaching is most effective when it happens in the context of a trusted relationship.

Instead of “You need to calm down or you’re going to your room,” try, “Let’s take a few deep breaths together. I’m here to help.”

And that relationship starts with you.

Boundaries are important, but how you hold them matters.

A Final Thought If you’re parenting under difficult circumstances, know that you’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. Parenting a child with a history of trauma is complicated.

And when the traditional approaches don’t work, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you need a different framework.

TBRI offers you that framework, along with a lot of hope. Because every time you choose curiosity

Managing Challenging and Violent Behaviour at Home 2 Day Workshop for Parents & Carers Is the child or young person in your care showing signs of frustration and anger, manifesting as aggression and violence towards you and other family members?

Next Date: 18th & 19th November, 10- 4 pm Cardiff

Image: ©COECT via Canva

We can provide you with effective de-escalation tools to help support them during their emotional challenges.

Find out more about this Training https://tinyurl.com/mnya3t5j or scan the QR code

over control, connection over correction, and compassion over frustration, you’re helping your child rewire their brain, restore trust, and experience the kind of healing only a safe relationship can offer.

Jessica is the founder of Nurtured Belonging, where she helps adoptive parents understand their child’s behaviour through a traumainformed lens, build stronger connections, and support healing.

To learn more about TBRI or connect with Jessica, visit https://nurturedbelonging.com/

Enhance

Your Skills The Behaviour Assessment of Impact and Resolution Tool (BAIRT)

Professional Training for Career Growth Are you a social worker, therapist, or a skilled therapeutic parent looking to enhance your skills in therapeutic parenting and fostering?

Tuesday 14th October 2025 10:00 am - 3:00 pm Via Zoom

Join Sarah Naish for an insightful and interactive BAIRT Training Day!

£120 plus VAT What is the BAIRT? To book a place contact us info@coect.co.uk or follow link below: https://tinyurl.com/sccb9759

01453 519000

The Behaviour Assessment of Impact and Resolution Tool (BAIRT) is a groundbreaking interactive assessment tool designed to identify and address issues that may impact the stability of families and children.

This training will equip you with the knowledge and skills to use BAIRT effectively, ensuring better outcomes for the children and families you support.

Evenings on Edge: Supporting Children When Safety Looks Like Rage Written By Dave Edwards We may have all encountered the scenario when the school day ends and we experience a tidal wave of negative emotion from our children.

Whether we collect them from school or they come in the door and we ask, ‘how their day has been’ and from nowhere it feels like we have stepped on a land mine.

This may be in the form of abusive and aggressive language, their bags thrown on the floor and on bad days violence towards us.

The alternative response can be equally as negative in the form of blanking us completely and retreating to their room and a refusal to engage in any

strategies that hopefully we have

function when memories are created.

been able to.

This includes the other areas of the body and the nervous system.

This means that their reactions tend to be instinctive and can feel very

Children who have suffered trauma

personal for us when trying to deal

may lose the ability to build an

with this. They may have basic unmet

accurate narrative about incidents that

needs caused by events during the

makes sense. Trauma impacts short

day that mean they are hungry,

term or working memory and the ability

dehydrated or emotionally drained

to remember instructions and

from trying to mask their difficulties.

understanding what is required, and this then causes repeated perceived

This could be falling out with their

difficulties and weaknesses, that feed

friends, being told off or embarrassed

our natural negative bias when

by a teacher, or a perceived failure

reviewing events.

on their part judged against an unrealistic expectation of themselves.

We need to be aware of, or think about,

Some children use education to

the possible reasons for their emotional

make themselves feel better, or cover

state when we are preparing to

over other areas that they don’t feel

welcome them home. This could

comfortable in. When this is

involve knowing their timetable, days

challenged, they do not know how to

and teachers that give them the most

relationships.

deal with the feelings of failure. This

homework, or if they have any

can result in fear that we may think

upcoming tests in their weaker

When we are feeling stressed or

less of them and rather than admit

subjects.

communication. To understand why they react in this way it is important to know what is going on with their emotions and responses to stressful situations, peer pressure and developing positive

under pressure it inhibits our ability to think logically, and our actions are predominantly based on an emotional response. We may misinterpret body language, tone of voice and lack of eye contact as disrespect or rudeness. This is even more evident with our children, who’s brains and nervous systems are still in the developing stage, and have not yet developed the coping

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this fear, which they find really tricky, they provide us with a clear and

Recognising these stressful factors can

obvious reason to be cross with them

allow us to prepare more effectively to

and therefore avoid having to share

be emotionally available and have

difficult or uncomfortable

preplanned strategies and activities, to

information.

reduce the possible negative outcomes after school.

When we have negative experiences, it creates trauma memories that

All violent behaviour comes from fear-

enable us to respond better next

based responses and a breakdown in

time. Trauma effects brain

our children’s ability to

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communicate their needs in that

Let them come to you if they have

Be flexible if you can and allow

moment.

had any issues during the day and

yourself time to process the days

give them your whole attention

events that your child has had. If it

When dealing with aggression and

whilst they share the information.

is appropriate, ask them to help

violence we need to use the

This is huge for a child to share their

you to allow more connection

PARENTS process to deal with it

most personal feelings and fears,

and opportunity to talk through

empathically and effectively,

and we should take it as a massive

events.

explained clearly in the A-Z of

compliment when they do so.

Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish.

If you have siblings try to find Allow time for the transition back

time to check in with each child

into the home before putting any

after school. Explain the

INCIDENT

expectations on your child if

importance of this as a family so

Pause – Breathe – respond

possible. Check their emotional

everyone knows what you are

consciously not emotionally, step

state with simple questions to

going to do and why.

back mentally and physically

ensure they are ok. This does not

Assess - Is there any immediate

include ‘how was your day?’ which

These strategies will not always

danger to anyone or likely serious

from experience is the most likely

be possible, but the more

damage?

way to cause a meltdown. Start with

prepared we can be when our

Reflect – Triggers, what is

phrases like ‘I’m really glad your

children come home from school

happening? Where is the child

home’, ‘it’s nice to see you’.

the more relaxed and emotionally available we will be, which is

coming from?

Empathise – Express empathy for

Manage expectations for yourself

unconsciously transmitted to our

the difficulty the child is

and your child. It may not be

children who react accordingly.

experiencing. Wonder aloud

possible to get tea at the normal

Nurture – Offer nurture, touch or

time or finish off that last work task.

parental presence, a drink etc.

Think – What other strategies might resolve this? Is there a natural consequence? Can I name the need? What can I change to avoid this happening in the future?

Self-care – What can I do to make myself feel better? Need to recover in order to reconnect with my child RESOLUTION Strategies for avoiding meltdowns using this method – Meet underlying unmet needs – Have snacks available to deal with hunger if they have missed lunch due to events.

Have a drink available to hydrate them, preferably not a sugary drink.

Have activities planned for when they get home to allow a smooth transition back into the home. Tell your children what they are in advance to avoid anxiety.

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

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Are you a Parent, Kinship Carer or SGO? Imagine being part of a journey where you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of others. As someone who is already familiar with the challenges and rewards of caring for a child who has experienced early life trauma, you know how important support can be from people who “get it”.

By becoming a Volunteer Meet-Up Coordinator with CoECT’s Regional & Virtual Peer Support Groups, you have the chance to share that understanding with others. You’ll help create friendly spaces where parents and family members can gather, share their experiences, and find comfort in knowing they’re not alone. It’s an opportunity to support others on their parenting journey while also enriching your own through connection and shared insights.

Monthly commitment (1–2 hours) Held in cafés, community spaces, or green spaces In-person and virtual options available nationwide

Volunteer Opportunities by Region We’re currently recruiting coordinators across the UK to lead local meet-ups.

If you’re warm, organised, and committed to emotional safety, we’d love to hear from you! Email - info@coect.co.uk Scotland - North: Highland, Moray, Aberdeenshire - South: Dumfries & Galloway, Scottish Borders Wales - North: Conwy, Denbighshire, Flintshire, Wrexham, Anglesey - South: Cardiff, Vale of Glamorgan, Rhondda Cynon Taf, Bridgend, Neath Port Talbot England - South East: Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, East Sussex, Kent, Oxfordshire, Surrey, West Sussex - South West: Bristol, Cornwall, Devon, Gloucestershire, Wiltshire ISSUE 17

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COECT Wellbeing

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

Time Out: Take Five Minutes to Yourself Written by Sair Penna Parenting a child who’s lived through early trauma, or whom displays neuro diverse characteristics isn’t just challenging —it can feel relentless at times. The emotional intensity, the unpredictability, the constant need to stay regulated when your child can’t—it’s a level of parenting that most people don’t see, let alone understand. And while there’s no magic fix, there are small, doable things that can make a real difference. One of them is the micro break.

What Are Micro Breaks?

Micro breaks are short, intentional pauses—usually 5 to 10 minutes— that give you a moment to breathe, reset, and get your footing back.

They’re not about self-care in the glossy magazine sense. They’re about survival, sustainability, and staying present when everything feels like too much.

They might look like: Sitting quietly with a cup of tea after the school drop-off Stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air

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Listening to a song that helps you feel like yourself again Stretching out the tension in your shoulders Just stopping—no phone, no task, no noise—for a few minutes These aren’t luxuries. They’re tools. And they’re often the difference between reacting and responding.

"As a parent, you’re not just managing behaviour —you’re co-regulating, interpreting, anticipating, and absorbing a lot."

behaviour—you’re co-regulating, interpreting, anticipating, and absorbing a lot.

Micro breaks help you: Stay regulated, so you can be the calm in their storm Avoid burnout, which creeps in when you’re always “on the go” Maintain consistency, even when you’re running on empty Rebuild capacity, so you’re not just surviving the day— you’re shaping it They’re not going to solve everything. But they give you just enough space to keep going with intention.

Using the School Day as a Breather

Why Micro Breaks Matter in TraumaInformed Parenting Children with early life trauma often operate from a place of survival. Their behaviours can be intense, confusing, and emotionally exhausting. As a parent or carer, you’re not just managing

Let’s be honest: mornings can be chaos. Getting out the door might feel like a full day’s work.

But once your child is at school— assuming it’s a safe and supportive environment—you’ve got a window. It might not be long, and it might be filled with T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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other responsibilities, but it’s something.

Here’s how you could use that time: Reclaim a quiet moment before jumping into tasks Catch up on rest after a rough night Attend therapy or peer support, when evenings are too full Get outside, even just for a walk around the block Plan ahead, without the pressure of immediate crisis It’s not about doing everything. It’s about doing something that helps you feel a little more like yourself.

Photo: ©COECT via Canva

challenging times. They give you a moment to regroup, so you can keep showing up—not just for your child, but for yourself.

It’s not about doing everything. It’s about doing something that helps you feel a little more like yourself.

At times it may feel like your doing something incredibly hard. And you’re still here. That counts.

You’re Not Alone: CoECT Peer Meetups One of the most powerful ways to make micro breaks

Making Micro Breaks Work

meaningful is to spend them with people who truly understand. That’s where CoECT’s peer-supported

To make micro breaks part of your rhythm,

meetups come in.

you need: Permission—from yourself, first and foremost—to pause Support—from professionals and peers who understand trauma Simple cues—a timer, a reminder, a note on the fridge that says “breathe”

Run by volunteers with lived experience, these meetups offer: - A safe space to share without judgment - Practical advice from people who’ve been there - Emotional validation that doesn’t require explanation - A chance to connect, laugh, vent, and regroup

And you need people around you— whether it’s Supporting Professionals such as school staff, health visitors, or fellow parents—who get that this isn’t ordinary

Whether online or in person, CoECT’s meetups are designed to support carers navigating the realities of trauma-informed parenting. You don’t have to

parenting. It’s parenting with a trauma

explain the chaos before breakfast or the exhaustion

lens, and that changes everything.

that comes from being endlessly patient. They get it.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about

To find out more about our CoECT meet-ups go to

sustainability. Micro breaks won’t fix the difficult stuff, but they help you to do the work on building connections with your

https://www.coect.co.uk/meet-ups-peer-supportgroups or scan the QR code

child and support them through the

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Trauma-Informed Life Story Work Training

Image: ©COECT via Canva

CLIENT TESTIMONIAL

"This course has transformed the way I approach my work with clients. The practical tools and techniques have been invaluable."

- Jane D

www.coect.co.uk ISSUE 17

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CoECT Qualifications

Practising with Insight: A Level 4 Qualification in Trauma-Informed Practice The term trauma-informed has gained significant traction in recent years—and rightly so. Far from being a fleeting trend, it represents a profound shift in how we understand and respond to human distress. At its core, trauma-informed practice is about recognising the impact of adversity, responding with empathy, and creating environments that promote healing.

Yet, as its popularity grows, so too does the risk of dilution. When trauma-informed approaches are reduced to surface-level checklists or compliance exercises, their transformative potential is lost. To truly honour the depth of this work, we must move beyond tokenism and embrace trauma-informed care as a framework for relational change—one that meets individuals where they are and supports them in where they need to go.

For families raising children with early life trauma, the effects are not abstract—they are lived daily.

Trauma can shape everything from emotional regulation to relational dynamics, often in ways that are subtle, complex, and persistent.

Parents and carers who understand their child’s triggers and needs become powerful advocates. Their insight not only enhances the quality of care at home but also strengthens collaboration with professionals in social care, education, and health. When families and practitioners work in partnership, the support offered to children becomes more coherent, more responsive, and more effective. However, when gaps in understanding exist, particularly

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between families and professionals—barriers emerge.

These can hinder access to resources, delay interventions, and exacerbate distress. this gap is not optional; it is essential.

At the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma (COECT), we are privileged to work alongside a diverse community of parents, carers, social workers, educators, and healthcare professionals.

What unites them is a shared commitment: to understand the roots of challenging behaviour and to respond in ways that uplift children and families navigating the effects of developmental trauma.

These practitioners are not simply seeking knowledge—they are seeking connection. They want to understand what lies beneath the surface of a child’s distress. They want to support and advocate effectively for the child and their

family. And they want to do so with clarity, confidence, and compassion.

One of the most overlooked challenges in trauma-informed care is compassion fatigue—especially among parents and carers. The emotional toll of supporting a traumatised child can be immense, and when left unaddressed, it can destabilise family systems and lead to breakdowns in care.

To support this shift, we are excited to announce our long awaited Level 4 Trauma-Informed Practitioner Diploma —a comprehensive customised qualification designed for practitioners who are ready to deepen their practice and expand their impact.

This Diploma is ideal for those working in social care, therapy, pastoral and family support roles.

Particularly with children in foster care, adoption, or kinship arrangements. It is for those who

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want to move beyond reactive strategies and embrace a proactive, relational approach to healing.

Unit 1: Trauma-Informed Practitioner – Understanding and Supporting Children and Families This unit introduces the foundational principles of trauma-informed care, including emotional safety, trustbuilding, and relational repair.

Unit 2: Understanding Behaviour as a Mode of Communication Behaviour is often the language of trauma. This unit helps practitioners interpret challenging behaviours as expressions of emotional distress or unmet needs. It offers strategies for responding with empathy, structure, and curiosity—building trust and reducing conflict.

Unit 3: The Therapeutic Parenting Approach Therapeutic parenting is a relational approach that prioritises co-regulation, predictability, and attunement.

Practitioners will learn how this model differs from traditional behaviour management and how it supports healing in children with trauma histories.

Unit 4: Understanding and Addressing Unmet Needs in Children through Therapeutic Parenting and TraumaInformed Care Early trauma often disrupts developmental progress, leaving gaps in emotional, cognitive, and relational functioning. This unit explores how to identify and address these unmet needs through tailored, traumasensitive interventions that promote growth and resilience.

Unit 5: The Link Between Early Life Trauma and Offending Behaviour in Later Life This unit investigates the long-term consequences of developmental trauma, including its influence on identity, risk-taking, and offending behaviour.

Unit 6: Navigating Transitions – Trauma-Informed Support for Children During Visitations and Planned Moves This unit provides strategies for preparing and supporting children through change, minimising distress and promoting emotional stability.

Unit 7: Collaborative Resilience – Trauma-Informed Practices and Compassionate Teamwork Trauma-informed care is not sustainable without emotionally resilient teams. This unit focuses on reflective practice, supervision, and psychological safety in professional settings. It also addresses compassion fatigue and secondary trauma, equipping teams to support each other as well as the children and families they support..

Unit 8: Therapeutic Approaches – Enhancing Child Well-Being and Family Stability Families are central to a child’s healing journey. This unit offers practical tools and therapeutic techniques to support emotional regulation, relational repair, and family cohesion.

Graduates of the program will walk away with: A Level 4 Certificate of Achievement from NCFE CACHE Eligibility for ACCPH membership

A trauma-informed toolkit ready for immediate use A renewed sense of confidence, clarity, and purpose This qualification is benchmarked at Level 4, ensuring depth and quality, even though it is not Ofqual-regulated.

At COECT, we work closely with therapeutic fostering agencies and trauma-informed networks to ensure that professionals understand not only the child’s trauma but also the family’s experience of that trauma. When professionals are equipped with this insight, they can intervene earlier, support more effectively, and prevent unnecessary disruptions.

Understanding that behaviour is often a form of communication— an echo of past experiences—can be life-changing. It shifts the focus from correction to connection.

To find out more about information and enrolment visit our website or scan the QR code. https://www.coect.co.uk/ level-4-qualification

Have you subscribed to TIPs yet?

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UPCOMING EVENTS CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2025/2026 Trauma-Informed Practice Trainer: Gareth Thomas Friday 19th September 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Wednesday 14th January 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Gloucestershire Wednesday 13th May 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Manchester

Understanding behaviour as a mode of communication Trainer: Gareth Thomas Tuesday 21st October 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Wednesday 4th February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Wednesday 17th June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm, Manchester

Understanding and Addressing Unmet Needs in Children through Therapeutic Parenting and Trauma-Informed Care Trainer: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Wednesday 12th November 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Wales Monday 23rd March 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Tuesday 14th July 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester

BAIRT - Behaviour Assessment of Impact and Resolution Tool Trainer: Sarah Naish Tuesday 14th October 2025, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm via Zoom Tuesday 3rd February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm via Zoom Tuesday 23rd June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm via Zoom

Introduction to Trauma-Informed Life Story Work Trainers: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Wednesday 10th September 2025, Dursley, Gloucestershire Tuesday 13th January 2026– Dursley, Gloucestershire Thursday 14th May 2026 – Dursley, Gloucestershire

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CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2025/2026

Compassion Fatigue Day Retreat Facilitator: Emma Edwards Friday 30th January 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 27th March 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 26th June 2026. 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire

“What to do when nothing works “ Workshop Trainers: Sarah Naish & Sarah Dillon Monday 10th February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Tuesday 16th June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester Wednesday 9th September 2026, 10:00 am - 3: 00 pm, Wales

Managing Challenging and Violent Behaviour Trainer: Dave Edwards Tuesday 16th & Wednesday 17th September 2025 - Coventry Tuesday 18th & Wednesday 19th November 2025 – Wales Tuesday 17th & Wednesday 18th March 2026 – Gloucestershire Tuesday 23rd & Wednesday 24th June 2026 – Manchester

TIPs Meet-Ups

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Join our regional peer support groups to connect with other parents and carers in your area! Held once a month for 1 - 2 hours in a cafe, community space or green space, these gatherings provide welcoming space for sharing experiences and support.

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ASK THE EXPERTS Let our team of experts with first-hand experience, guide you through some of those tricky TIP moments!

This issue we are joined by Laura Taylor who has answered your questions.

About Laura Laura Taylor is an Independent Social Worker, Trauma Informed and Responsive Trainer, Practice Educator, Author and Key Note Speaker. You may have seen Laura in some of our training and webinars as she regularly supports COECT with our busy training schedule.

FP from Carlisle asks"I sometimes feel left out of decisions made by my foster child’s social worker — how can I advocate for my voice to be heard without causing conflict?"

Laura Taylor replies:

Keep notes of things you observe and bring them to meetings, so It’s completely valid to want your input remains factual, your views heard — you know grounded and constructive. If you your foster child in a day-tostill feel excluded, don’t be afraid day, hands-on way that professionals might not see. The to gently raise it with the child’s social worker or supervising key is to approach conversations with curiosity and social worker. It’s okay to ask, collaboration. Try saying things “What’s the best way for me to like, “Can I share something I’ve contribute more fully as part of noticed that might help?” or “I’d the team?” You are a vital part of your foster child’s support system love to be more involved in — your voice matters and should planning — how can we make be part of the that happen?”

conversation. Furthermore, you are role modelling to your child that you continue to champion their needs and wellbeing in ever If this still feels like a struggle, consider reaching out CoECT to access our advocacy service for parents Do you have a question about a certain behaviour your child displays or a situation which seems tricky?

Write in to us via the email tips@coect.co.uk to get your question answered in the Ask the Experts section.

Staying Put: Helping parents support their adult child as they navigate life When your young person turns 18, the world doesn’t suddenly become easier to manage—especially if they’ve experienced care, have additional needs, or are still finding their feet. Whether they’re living at home under a Staying Put arrangement or simply need continued support, you may be wondering how best to help them thrive in this next stage of life.

Our Parental Support sessions are here to guide you through the practical and emotional aspects of supporting your young adult—without the pressure of them needing to move out. To find out more https://www.coect.co.uk/staying-putISSUE 10 T.I.P'S MAGAZINE parent-support-for-post-18 ISSUE 17

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Regulate from the Inside Out: Nutritional Approaches to Support Nervous System Regulation.

Written By Sarah Hanratty A child’s nervous system can be influenced by their environment and life experiences but also by their physiology. Nutrient status, gut health and adrenal issues interact with emotional and sensory input to determine how well the nervous system can regulate itself. When developmental trauma, sensory processing differences or neurodivergence are present, these internal and external influences can combine to keep the nervous system in a constant state of high alert. This leaves the child feeling persistently overwhelmed.

When a child is under chronic stress, their body is constantly in fight-or-flight mode. This heightened state triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When this response becomes chronic, it drains resources and impairs the body’s ability to self-regulate, rest, and digest.

Children who have experienced trauma, or who are neurodivergent, may live in this state of high alert.

Symptoms can range from emotional reactivity, shutdowns, poor focus, exhaustion, sleep and digestive issues. Nutritional support can help shift the nervous system towards a parasympathetic state, where feeling calm, regulated and safe becomes a more common state.

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A child’s nervous system can be influenced by their environment and life experiences but also by their physiology. Nutrient status, gut health and adrenal issues interact with emotional and sensory input to determine how well the nervous system can regulate itself. When developmental trauma, sensory processing differences or neurodivergence are present, these internal and external influences can combine to keep the nervous system in a constant state of high alert. This leaves the child feeling persistently overwhelmed.

Early life trauma or chronic stress can disrupt the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. This leads to cortisol patterns becoming dysregulated and the sympathetic nervous system remains in a heightened state leading to increased anxiety, fear and heightened senses or difficulty filtering or processing sensory input.

There is a clear link between anxiety, increased stress and sensory issues but they also have physiological contributors that can keep the nervous system in a hypersensitive state.

A disrupted gut microbiome can influence brain signalling, mood, and sensory processing through inflammatory pathways and the vagus nerve. Sub-clinical levels of specific nutrients can also contribute to sensory processing issues. Magnesium helps calm

overexcited nerve cells and deficiency increases neuronal firing and sensory hypersensitivity. Similarly low zinc and vitamin B6 help regulate sensory processing and emotional balance through their influence on neurotransmitters.

Continuous stress drains the body of key nutrients, creating a cycle that can intensify and prolong sensory challenges in children and leave the nervous system unsupported and compromised. As well as magnesium, zinc, vitamin C is also easily depleted under stress and it’s needed for appropriate cortisol regulation. B vitamins are equally sensitive to depletion and are vital for supporting hundreds of biochemical reactions that influence stress regulation and nerve health.

Living in a constant state of fight-or-flight diverts blood flow away from the digestive system to the muscles and brain. The problem is that this impacts absorption of nutrients and the breakdown of amino acids which support neurotransmitter production. This decreased level of digestion can leave a child more susceptible to developing reactions to foods and increased likelihood of developing digestive issues like bloating, constipation or diarrhoea. Both of these can also aggravate the nervous system in different ways, exacerbating dysfunction. Lowgrade inflammation and T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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histamine can build-up from intolerances and this can impact mood, sleep and sensory symptoms. Common triggers include gluten, dairy, soy and eggs. More generally this stress driven disruption creates a cycle where nutrient depletion worsens nervous system regulation, making it harder to move out of fight-or-flight mode.

Poor digestion can cause irritation of the gastro-intestinal tract and negatively impact the gut microbiome, The gut and brain communicate via the vagus nerve and the immune system.

This signalling is influenced by the composition of the gut microbiome. The gut-brain axis can influence mood, anxiety and behaviour. Healthy gut microbes help to produce serotonin to enable us to feel calm and relaxed and influence sleep.

When the gut is inflamed or imbalanced, this can feed into poor regulation and emotional distress. This is especially common in children with a history of antibiotics or food sensitivities.

Some children have a narrow food range, often preferring familiar, safe foods. While this can be due to sensory preferences, it can also be a sign that digestive discomfort or gut microbiome imbalances are influencing appetite and food choices. We can support gut health by offering a range of foods, including colourful polyphenolrich foods like berries, pomegranate, cocoa and colourful vegetables, these can feed beneficial gut bacteria and improve microbial diversity.

A child’s nutrition status is influenced by what they eat but it also reflects the resources they were born with. Maternal nutrient status plays a role here as does mum’s microbiome and birth circumstances. If mum was low in key vitamins and minerals, baby’s stores may start out depleted. If

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Image: ©COECT via Canva

baby was born via C-section or was given antibiotics soon after birth this can lead to the microbiome developing differently.

This means some children may need more nutritional support than others to reach and maintain optimal nervous system function.

Another nutrient that can affect nervous system regulation is omega-3s fatty acids. We need them to enable healthy neurotransmitter signalling and for healthy HPA axis function. They can reduce neuroinflammation that can impair HPA regulation and influence cortisol production. We get these primarily from oily fish and while plant foods like flax, chia, and walnuts contain omega-3 in one form, the body must convert this into the longer-chain forms used directly by the nervous system and brain. This conversion is not always efficient and high cortisol from chronic stress can slow it further. For children with HPA dysregulation, oily fish or direct omega 3 fish oil supplements are often needed.

There are some genetic variations that can influence mood and anxiety. These include MTHFR variations, which can influence the process of methylation which can impact the production of serotonin and GABA, which are needed to reduce anxiety and improve mood.

Further issues with variations on

the CBS and MAO genes can also influence mood. Nutritional strategies can help support these pathways and regulate these processes.

Some simple steps you can take to support your child’s nervous system, include supporting digestion, gut health, nutrient levels and sleep.

Begin by providing easy-to-digest foods like casseroles and stews, these take the pressure off digestion and allow for easier absorption of nutrients. Base these meals around a meat, chicken, fish and vegetables for increase intake of zinc, iron and B vitamins.

Alternatively choose pulses or legumes paired with vegetables for a plant-based approach.

Consider making homemade stock to increase the nutrient composition of the meal. Include leafy green vegetables where possible to provide magnesium, potassium and folate. If your child has a limited diet consider working with a professional to ensure nutritional gaps are identified and met.

You can support digestion by ensuring meals times are a relaxing environment, potentially engaging in some relaxation strategies beforehand to allow the body to direct energy to digestion.

Preparing food can also help with

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this, the sights and smells encourage digestive secretions.

Also, invite your children to take time over their meals and to chew their food well.

It is important to support the nervous system by keeping blood sugar levels balanced throughout the day. The best way to do this is to include some form of protein with each meal and snack and avoid sugar and processed foods and drinks that can cause blood sugar to become reactive.

Identifying food intolerances is important here too as they can also disrupt blood glucose and increase adrenalin and cortisol production. Protein is also needed to provide the building blocks for neurotransmitters.

To nurture gut bacteria focus on fibre, colourful vegetables or probiotic containing foods like yoghurt and minimise sugar. If your child has signs of digestive or bowel dysfunction a comprehensive stool

test can give information on bacteria levels, inflammation and digestion so you can give them targeted support in this area.

we can often see signs of mental health issues, clinical depression, anxiety and addictions woven into their wider family history.

Quality sleep is necessary for nervous system support. If waking during the night is an issue, then balancing blood glucose by adding a protein-dense snack before bed can help with this. If getting off to sleep is a problem then using a gentle support like magnesium lotion or oil applied to the feet can help raise GABA levels, enabling children to relax and fall asleep easier. If your child responds well to melatonin, it may be helpful to support the nutrients needed for the serotonin-melatonin pathway, these include zinc and B6.

If you need to dig deeper to identify areas where your child needs support there are functional laboratory tests that can be ordered privately. These include the Organic Acid Test,

Some individuals are predisposed to needing higher levels of zinc and B6 to maintain good mental health and nervous system dysfunction. When this is the case

“He’s not being difficult — he’s terrified.”

By restoring nutrients, supporting gut health, and calming the nervous system through targeted nutritional strategies, we can create a strong foundation for healthy regulation, helping your child feel calmer, more resilient and able to thrive.

You can find out more about Sarah and her work as a Clinical Nutritionist (MSc PHN, BSc N.Med) at Brain Food Nutrition Clinic www.brainfoodnutrition.co.uk

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Many foster parents tell us the same thing: “I wish the professionals could see what I see at home.”

That the child who’s ‘fine in school’ explodes the second they walk through the front door.

That their tough behaviour is often a sign of deep, overwhelming emotion — not defiance.

At SAfER, we get this. Our support is led by people who understand therapeutic parenting from the inside out — and who’ll advocate with you, not against you.

You shouldn’t have to convince others that trauma matters.

With us, you don’t have to.

If you’ve been feeling unseen or unheard as a foster parent, let’s talk.

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I want to live in your heart not just your home I am a fostered child. I’ve lived in many places I’ve forgotten lots of names but remember all the faces Julie was my favourite, she always called me sweetheart I wish they hadn’t moved me, I didn’t need a fresh start My behaviour was my loudest voice but no one chose to listen They said they couldn’t cope so they bounced me round the system So many different families, so many different schools They said I could have stayed if hadn’t broke the rules They called the families placements and I was just a LAC I knew they wouldn’t keep me when they realised I’m so crap I didn’t need a placement, I didn’t need a label I needed understanding but they were just not able No one ever missed me but I think Julie might have done I wish she could have kept me and I’d become her son I knew I should have stayed there but was too scared of it ending She would surely see that I was beyond mending All I ever wanted was to live in someone’s heart Someone who could promise me that we would never part But when you feel so terrible, rotten to the core You know it’s only time before you’re out the door I’ve never had stability, never had routine Twenty seven families and I’m only just 14 I hope things will be different now that I’m with Mike He said I’m going nowhere when I put up a fight He says he’s knows I’m struggling and will help me work out why I lie and steal and swear at him and find it hard to cry Mike says I’m a fighter but he’ll take on the war With Therapeutic Parenting I’ll never ‘see’ the door Consistency and boundaries, structure, warmth and love After every incident, he still gives me a hug Perhaps I might have met the one who means it when they say You’re not going anywhere, you are here to stay

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Written by Sarah Dillon (c) 2025

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