THE CAREGIVER...
living, loving and caring along the way! by Erica G. Grider in honor of Brenda Lee Lyons
I
t was every teenage girls dream… To have a sweet 16 party with all the bows and ribbons! And Brenda was no different. She was looking forward to celebrating and becoming of age and doing it with so much fun. Yet there was one unexpected guest on the list. In fact this guest was so special that Brenda had to cancel her sweet 16 party and substitute that party with a baby shower! A few days after my mom’s 16th birthday, she officially became a teen mom! And thus our story began. It was a very interesting beginning with lots of rollercoaster rides along the way. My mother was a young high school student who was clueless about motherhood. My grandmother realized the challenges of a young mother and she lovingly stepped in and agreed to nurture me and allow my mom to go forward and live her life as she deemed necessary. My grandmother (Mary Lee aka Granny) never wanted me to be an obstacle nor did she want my Mom to resent me for holding her back from experiencing her life’s dreams. This exchange took our lives in a different direction forever more. The natural bond that should occur between a mother and her child was shifted to Granny and myself. In fact, my mom and I literally grew up together being raised by the same “mother”. Therefore we were more like sisters than mom and daughter. Therefore, I was raised primarily with my grandmother and my father, Rogers Gordon. However my mom, who loved to dress me up like a pretty little doll, would hang out with me and take me places when it was convenient for her. Regardless of what she attempted or offered, I preferred to stay with my granny most of the time. She was very 10
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consistent, loving, patient and secure. My mother was quite the opposite. And we all understood and allowed her to do her thang... Over the years, my mother would give birth to two more daughters, Sharika and Chandra. I began to live at home with my mom more as I had the task of helping to rear my younger sisters. Overall, we had a truly good life but that was not absent of some drama here and there! I was a very protective big sister. I did not want my mother’s inexperience to affect my sisters. This was an amazing learning experience and it truly aided in preparing me for motherhood someday. Of course history repeated itself. I bonded with my sisters in that “mothering role” while they were growing up and my Granny helped out as well. My mom and I gradually grew more detached throughout my adult life. That remained as such until my father passed away and then my world literally came crumbling down when my Granny died in 2011. My mom and I had become so content at loving one another from a distance. I still continued that course until while ministering one day, the Lord gave me a strong word. He reminded me Brenda was still my mother and she was still very much ALIVE! She was and is my only living parent. Regardless of how I felt about our relationship, the fact of the matter was that, I was now a mom myself and loving every moment of it. My sons, Joshua and Caleb, were a huge blessing that I intently prayed for, thankfully God honored my prayers. Nonetheless, the Lord was very clear that until I make things right with my very own mother that nothing that I did in Ministry or in my life was going to
