3 minute read
Intimacy Corner
In today’s society, we have an intimacy crisis! We are afraid of it. We have a problem with it. We don’t understand it. And yet, we agonize over the lack of it in our relationships Many of us just don’t know what intimacy truly is or how to have it with another person.
Just look at the evolution of euphemisms we use to describe our relationships. People used to “date”. We don’t date anymore because it sounds too hokey for today’s modern relationship. Next, we began saying we are “going out”. This too became obsolete. Today, we use “seeing someone”. The terminology we use shows a disconnect, a fear. We keep a distance in our relationships, thus, setting up a blockade, a barrier, a buffer, if you will. Intimacy means you become attached; joined; you stop being alone. Is it the antidote to loneliness or is it supposed to be? Ultimately, by not embracing intimacy, we are causing what we fear most and undoing what is most precious to us.
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Remember, knowledge is power and through understanding, one can gain insight. We are here to help answer the age-old question: what is intimacy and how can I have it with another person? First, you must realize intimacy is a process, not a thing. It is definitely more than just a feeling or an emotion; it is a necessity.
Intimacy takes place over time. There are several types or forms of intimacy. Cognitive or intellectual intimacy is when two people share thoughts and ideas. They enjoy both similarities and differences of opinions. They are open, expressive, and true communicators. Experiential intimacy is when people are involved in mutual activities together. While engaged in the activity, they say very little to each other. They aren’t having to share thoughts, feelings, or ideas. They are just being active together; basically, just sharing the same space. Many of you may be shocked to find out that this is a type of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is when two people can share their feelings with each other. They have empathy and sympathy. They are truly understanding and considerate of the other person’s emotions. This type of intimacy is sensual and can be quite intense. Sexual intimacy is what most people think of when they think of intimacy. However, most people don’t truly understand what it means to be sexually intimate.
Sexual intimacy is much more than just mere intercourse. It includes a broad range of various activities. It encompasses any form of sexual expression you have with another person. If you properly understand the difference between sexuality and intimacy, then you realize sexuality is connected to intimacy. They are not synonymous. Having both sexuality and intimacy can lead to an extremely passionate, intense, and very fulfilling relationship.
Intimacy takes many shapes and expressions. It means many things for different people at different stages during their lives. Remember, true intimacy never stagnates because any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy. Many of you may be
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asking yourself… okay, I understand the types of intimacy now, but what does that really mean? Basically, to have intimacy with another person you need to: • Reveal yourself, thus making you vulnerable. This should be done in a trusting, loving, and secure relationship; • Have a sense of being in a relationship that isn’t judgmental, coercive, punitive, or abusive; • Share a sense of having a unique and distinct bond that is joining you to another human being; • Have a sense of being exposed and somewhat fragile; • Share a sense of tenderness, caring, and genuine affection; • Demonstrate mutual respect, recognition, and approval of each other’s needs (including sexual needs)
This shared intimacy can result in loving sexual intercourse. To have intimacy, you must put aside the fear of exposure, overcome the resistance to being known, and allow another human being into that part of your life that is uncomfortable. This is the fi rst step toward true intimacy with another.
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