Women Beyond Forty - Sixth Edition - Theme: Hope and Joy

Issue 6

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Cover Art - Stephanie Bauer - Page 20

WB40 Magazine acknowledges the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation upon whose lands we live, work and play. We pay our respects to Aboriginal elders past, present and emerging.

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Magazine Issue No. 6 Hope and Joy

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59 Contents

Employment - New Year New Career

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Cover Artist

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12 Days of Kindness

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Festive food

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Festive Fashion Police

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She Endeavours

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49

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71 55 Features

Stop worrying about the crumbs in the Icing

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My Arousal, My Arousal!

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Why you need to become a half arsed parent

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The Colours of Music

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Grief from the mouth of an adult orphan

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Why Womans Health is suffering

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WELCOME

W

e have so much to celebrate! Can you believe this is the 6th Issue and…drum roll…the 1st Birthday of Wb40 – Women Beyond Forty Magazine, and we recently celebrated the 2nd Birthday for The Good Girl Confessional Podcast! I can honestly say it all came around so quickly and as our tiny team was working so hard, we almost missed both not-so-little milestones!

When the idea for Wb40 was first conceived, I couldn’t wait to open the boxes of Issue 1 delivered hot off the printing press! Now all 6 issues will be lovingly displayed on my coffee table as I marvel at the incredible cover art on each, and all the incredible articles and interviews we have been able to share with the world. I am in awe of each woman who has written for the magazine over the past 12 months, writing informative articles on careers, health, sexuality, and menopause.

To the women who bravely and sometimes good naturedly shared the stories of their lives – where incredible topics were explored - everything from combatting homelessness and surviving sexual trauma, to being on a film set, to how to choose the right vibrator; we absolutely adore all of you. Collaborating with so many talented women, who all want to see other women rise, is a dream come true.

In Issue 6, themes include grief, emotional labour and the joy of the festive season and summer reading. We made a conscious decision early on that very few topics would be off limits to discuss, other than click-bait celebrity gossip or body shaming rubbish. In doing so, it allowed so many women to share their stories of success, resilience, and survival.

To all of you, those that write for the magazine and website, the talented cover artists, those that share their hardwon and human wisdom on The Good Girl Confessional Podcast, and those of you supporting us by listening, reading, and sharing on social media – we are so grateful.

We love your letters of support to Dear Wb40, and we really love receiving pictures of you holding the magazine!

So much in fact that we are starting a gallery on the website with all your amazing pics! Keep sending them in!

This platform has proven that community and collaboration will always thrive and that there is no need for competition. We believe there is enough room for all of us to thrive.

We are super excited to bring you a slightly different format in 2022!

Wb40 Magazine will print quarterly- with 4 much larger magazines. This will allow us to create bigger and bolder magazines, with more articles and more value. We are incredibly proud that such a small team has managed

to put together a bi-monthly offering in both digital and print formats this year but going quarterly means we have more time to commit to each addition and we can bring you, our brilliant Wb40 family, more stories and wisdom, and more information, than we have done before. This is SO exciting! With the global cost of printing rising, we are still determined to keep the magazine in print, knowing that many of you love having a print magazine in your hands!

The sales of both digital and print versions of the magazine have meant that we can continue to support female led micro and small businesses. In fact, our She Endeavours section of Wb40 has now highlighted almost 120 female owned business, at no cost, as well as supporting non-profits, charities and organisations supporting women through free Ad space and free editorials, something we are hugely proud of.

Thank you so much for your incredible support and we look forward to bringing you more content, more kick ass writers, and more stories. Stay safe and well and thanks for helping us to build such an amazing community.

x y d n Sa

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acknowledgments

The Team

Pay it forward

Founder | Creative Director | Editor

Are you a charity or a not-for-profit supporting

Sandy Lowres- She/Her

women and girls, and need more exposure,

Design & Layout

donations or volunteers?

Sandy Lowres - Michael Smedley - He/Him Food Editor

Wb40 Magazine is committed to giving away

Sandra Reynolds -She/Her

free ad space to such organisations.

Fashion Editor

completely free. We believe that your invaluable

Nikki Hind - She/Her

work for women should be supported. This is

Career Columnist

our way of paying it forward.

This is

Amalia Chillianis - She/Her

For this edition we proudly support:

Advertising Michael Smedley | Sandy Lowres Social Media

Share the Dignity

Debbie Larsen - She/Her

https://www.sharethedignity.org.au/

Editor

Contact us via email:

Paris Lowres - She/Her

info@wb40.com.au

Recycled Paper

Thankyou Sandy Davies

Tara Lock

Happy Pause

My Chilly Towel

Amalia Chilianis

Janine Brundle

Author Work-a-holistic

Be Oil’d

Digital Printing:

Am.pm communications

Kellie Farley Bae Bands

COPYRIGHT © 2021 All rights reserved. This publication or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise — without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by Australian copyright law.

The opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily the opinions of the Publisher.

WB40 is an independent magazine published bi monthly by:

WB40 PO Box 8 Altona Vic 3018 ABN: 658 766 98304

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ISSN: 2652-9556 (Print) ISSN: 2652-9564 (Online)

We thank the writers who have shared their talent for both the Wb40 Magazine & for our website - wb40.com

Nikki Hind Amalia Chillianis

Sandra Reynolds

Sandy Lowres

Susan Jarvis

Lou Duggan

Rosa Carrafa

Danielle Dobson

Sandy Davies

Susie O’Brien

Want to write or contribute for wb40?

Head to the website for more details - https://wb40.com

f @womenbeyondforty l @womenbeyondforty 9

Dear Women Beyond Forty

EMAIL OR DM US AND YOU COULD WIN A 12 MONTH PRINT SUBSCRIPTION TO WB40 If outside of Australia - this is a Digital subscription.

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Dear Women Beyond Forty Drop us a letter about Women Beyond Forty for your chance to win this necklace and earring set from xxxxx Editors Choice Letter Congratulations to Jean Margaret from Melbourne for being the Editor’s choice letter! She is the recipient of the beautiful Earrings and Necklace from Fierce.One Jewellery

D

D

ear Wb40,

I just wanted to say that I’ve started to listen to your (The Good Girl Confessional) podcast.

Absolutely loving it! Especially love the interview with Kwavi (Episode #45) about colourful clothing!

ear Wb40,

I love your whole vibe! I’ve massively noticed since turning 35 the fear of ageing physically has really taken over my mind and energy.

It’s shit. Intellectually I know it’s the most ridiculous oppressive way of thinking but it’s so ingrained.

I’m reading Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth which explains a lot.

I want to help my daughter so she doesn’t face the same issues.

Jean Margaret Maloney, Melbourne

Kathleen Benham (Melbourne) Via Apple Podcast Reviews: (The Good Girl Confessional)

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ear Wb40,

Great Show! ✰✰✰✰✰ This portrays feminism in a way that society can learn from this podcast.

Rashterfur (Romania) Via Apple Podcast Reviews: (The Good Girl Confessional)

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ear Wb40,

What a fabulous podcast! ✰✰✰✰✰ Sandy is such a kind, generous and lovely lady and she interviews so many amazing people.

Do yourself a favour and listen – it’s an awesome podcast, no matter how old you are.

Tookie71 (Australia)

Thanks so much for everyone who sent us your thoughts! We love and appreciate your feedback!

Email us at: info@wb40.com.au | Add ‘Letter to the Editor’ in the Subject line 11

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Stop worrying about the crumbs in the icing

BY LOU DUGGAN

When you launch a DIY Cake Kit company, that combines everything someone needs to pour their love into a home-made cake, delivers it to their door, and offers 400+ designs to suit even the most imaginative child’s whims, you naturally assume it will be an overnight success. Well, you’d be wrong!

Sales growth at Cake 2 The Rescue was hard fought in the early days.

I did everything I could to get us out there, but it just didn’t seem to convert to increased sales. It wasn’t until I formed our gorgeous cake kit community Facebook group that I realised what was truly holding parents back from taking the leap of faith to make a homemade cake.

Having kids, loving them so hard and wanting the best for them, can leave us terrified that we’re not enough. Add to that the perfect parenting images flooding our Instagram feeds, and “poof”, there goes what’s left of our self-esteem.

So when it comes to deciding to make the birthday cake, it can feel like there are only two choices. One, have a go myself, fail, let my child down and look like an idiot in front of everyone on the socials. Errrrm,

no thank you. Two, play it safe and shell out a heap of cash for someone else to make it. Yep, here’s my credit card!

Knowing that, like me, most parents dream of making homemade cakes for their kids, I realised that I owed it to parents to find a way to support their emotional journey, not just the practical one to change their mind.

Celebrating imperfection Have you been in a Facebook cake group? The ones with heaps of cake decorating professionals disguised as “hobby bakers”? They post 3D masterpieces, intimidating the hell out of any poor home baker that recently joined. Not to mention the passive aggressive comments and sniggering when someone posts a cake that’s not quite on par or asks a basic decorating question!

Not only do we battle our own fears of not being good enough to make a cake, we also have to brave the new toxic culture of faceless women tearing other women down on social media.

That’s exactly the reason why when people first post

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in our Cake Kit group, nine times out of 10 they use the phrase “It’s not perfect but…”. To that I say, hell no, not on my watch!

New cake kit group members are greeted with this welcome message. “Hello!! Hello!! So glad you found us!! You’re going to love it in here. It’s full of kind supportive people raising each other up and throwing perfection out of the window (woohoo!!!)”

I want them to know right off the bat that this is a safe space to be imperfect, that you will always be enough in this group. If I’m honest, it’s also a subtle warning, reverse psychology if you like. “Don’t think you can come in here making people feel bad about themselves or I’ll ban you in a heartbeat”. Glennon Doyle would be so proud, I’m a cheetah when it comes to cake kit bullies.

“Kids don’t see crumbs in the icing, they only see the love and time you poured into their homemade cake” has become a mantra in our community.

It’s made parents confident to post their perfectly imperfect cakes with pride. The most beautiful moments for me are when someone posts a cake photo criticising their own efforts. I sit proudly watching the comments light up with words of support from other parents, championing their cake and reminding them of our mantra. You see, it’s no longer just my voice, it’s thousands of voices raising each other up - we have more than 11,000 group members and counting.

Embracing vulnerability At the time of launching Cake 2 The Rescue I felt completely lost. I’ve always struggled with a lack of self-worth, but I felt being a parent stripped me of my identity, too.

Being vulnerable was never considered something to celebrate when I was growing up, especially being British. I was always told I was “too much”, that I was over sensitive and that I needed to stop being so “soft”. I learned to hide my true self as best as I could, which resulted in not feeling good enough for most of my adult life.

I’m 46 now and I finally like myself.

I have Cake 2 The Rescue to thank for that.

I love the phrase “if only we could see ourselves how others see us”. It’s the gift I give to my customers every day, but the beautiful thing is it has been returned 10-fold.

In being the most authentic version of myself each day on Facebook lives, I have given my community permission to be themselves too. While I stood tall defending them, I learnt to offer myself the same kindness I afforded to them. I learned that vulnerability is my superpower, and that cake is the vehicle I’ve been given to deliver that message.

If I could talk to the young mum that was me, I would say, make the cake, celebrate the crumbs, judge your self-worth by the smiles on your kids’ faces. You were born enough; you are enough, and you will always be enough.

About the Writer Lou Duggan is the founder of Cake 2 The Rescue, an award-winning DIY cake kit company which has helped more than 40,000 Australian families pour their love into a homemade cake.

With a background in engineering and design, Lou has spent the last ten years building Cake 2 The Rescue into a thriving ecommerce business, with more than 250 cake kit designs, and a loyal online audience of 60,000+ cake fans.

Image by Jude Kalman

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As a talented creative entrepreneur, Lou is a big believer in the power of vulnerability in business, and loves empowering other women to ditch perfectionism and embrace entrepreneurship.

Originally from Scotland, Lou is mum to three gorgeous teenage girls, and lives on the Gold Coast with her hubby Craig. She confesses an addiction to human connection, homewares and her cavi George. https://louduggan.com.au https://www.cake2therescue.com.au

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New Year

New Career

BY AMALIA CHILIANIS

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s you edge closer to the beginning of the new year, it’s natural to start thinking about the year ahead. While an arbitrary line in the sand, the new year brings a sense of hope and optimism, a time to think about what you want to change for the year ahead. A time to dream of new beginnings, a fresh start or gratitude for what you already have but some areas of your life that you still want to improve. Often one of the things we hope to change most is our career. However, you hesitate or have doubts, because you’re not sure how to make a change and if you do make a change, you want to make sure that it’s a positive one. As well as meeting your fundamental need for an income, your work can be enjoyable, provide for great satisfaction and can positively impact your happiness and wellbeing. The good news is, you are likely more ready and able to make a change than you think. So, if you are so inclined, put change career at the top of your New Year’s resolutions then use my five tips for successfully changing careers.

1 Pause & Reflect Hopefully you are taking some time out over the holiday period. Whether you aim to make a significant change in what you do for a living or just a small

shift, like same job new employer or same employer different role, I highly recommend you take some time to pause and reflect. If you look back on your working life so far, have you just gone along for the ride? Have you ever had a real break to stop thinking about pressures, expectations, judgements and responsibilities? You might intuitively know this to be true, that it’s often those times when you are not thinking about a problem or a challenge that solutions come to you. I highly recommend starting a meditation practice, but if this is a step too far for you, at least take time out for focused attention. Reflect on both the good and the bad elements of your career so far, what’s worked well, what hasn’t and write down why.

2 Work and Life priorities Work and life are inextricably linked, so embarking on a career change should include building a picture of what you want from both your career and the other priorities in your life. I recommend identifying a set of ingredients that you want in key components of your life such as physical health, relationships, home, emotional wellbeing, career, finances, passions & hobbies, spirituality and community. Reflect on these as they are for you now, and then how you would like

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them to be in the future. This helps you create goals and also informs the career direction and decisions you make. For example, if you want to spend more time with your close relationships, then pursuing a career change that sees you working long hours consistently is likely to ultimately be unsatisfying.

3 Expand your options Satisfying work can provide many benefits, such as opportunities to learn, to build relationships, enjoyment, sense of achievement, sense of belonging and an ability to contribute to something greater. Think about what you want work to be and do for you?

While you may set a specific overarching career goal, there are multiple ways to achieve that outcome.

Expand your options of the types of jobs or industries you can pursue. Think of it like a gold, silver or bronze medal. All are great achievements but at varying levels. For your gold version, what would ideal look like, if you could have everything you want? For silver, take it back just one step, a compromise that would still provide for a great option, and then again for the bronze version.

4 Strengths + Capabilities You may already be familiar with your strengths, the things you are good at, that energise you and you find yourself drawn to activities that use them. Using and developing your strengths at work can result in greater enjoyment, better performance and provide you with more energy and vitality. When you add understanding your capabilities to your strengths this gives you your greatest leverage for change and can help you advance or completely change careers

in a way that best sets you up for success. Your capabilities are your people and technical skills and your knowledge. Similar to your strengths, you are focusing on the skills and knowledge you are both good at and enjoy.

5 Growth There are not too many missteps or wrong moves from a career perspective if you are focused on what you can learn and gain in experience. Even terrible experiences can help you grow; in fact, it’s possible that we advance and grow more through challenge.

In pursuing a career change think about whether you will continue to learn and grow. A satisfying career needs some challenge. If something is too easy, it will likely be boring. Therefore, regardless of whether it’s a small shift in career or a complete change, you need to learn new, or improve on existing, strengths and capabilities and adopt an attitude and belief that with effort you can grow.

Changing career brings variety, increases experience and learning, keeps you engaged and can have positive benefits for your happiness and wellbeing. The keys to making a positive career change are to pause and reflect, pursue a change that works with your priorities in life, to expand your options of what will provide for a satisfying change, use the combination of both your strengths and your capabilities for your greatest leverage and focus on growth. You have a wealth of unique strengths and capabilities already and while it may seem like a daunting journey, starting with these five tips will see you well on your way to a New Year New Career.

About the Writer Amalia Chilianis is a coach with over 25 years of corporate experience. She is a courageous leader and an encourager of others who is determined that the next 20 years of work and life will be different to the last. Her book Work-a-holistic, A practical guide to changing your career is available now on Amazon and other online retailers. Visit her website for the links and more information. www.amaliachilianis.com

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"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and how you do it" Maya Angelou

NEW BOOK OUT NOW!

W O R K - A - H O L I S T I C

By Amalia Chilianis Register via my website https://amaliachilianis.com Or email: amaliachilianis@gmail.com

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Cover Artist Stephanie Bauer Amanda Starr photography

www.paintingbauer.com https://www.instagram.com/paintingbauer/

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Azizona (US) based artist Stephanie Bauer is an Artist and Children’s book illustrator. Her beautiful cover art for this issue is a self portrait. Not wanting to paint blonde hair, she created the gorgeous colourful garland of flowers, which so resonated with our theme of hope and joy!

Self-described as a serial nincompoop, bad speller, and good painter, Stephanie Bauer creates lush and luminous artworks using a wide variety of mediums including (but not limited to) gouache, watercolor, oil paint, ink, hand-painted papers, beloved Escoda brushes, old ratty brushes, sometimes her fingernails, often both hands, and only, just one time did she use her feet. Her work stems from a love of paint and process. The end product is usually a happy accident and she is delighted by the serendipity of the entire adventure.

Stephanie’s parents gave her an Art Box at the age of six. She has not stopped painting since! After training in classical oil painting, chemistry, a degree in interior design, and starting her own faux finishing business, she was inspired by the elephants at the Zoo WHICH to start painting art for children. This snowballed quickly from selling her art in one tiny store to worldwide production of her charming, wonky style in three dozen children’s books, along with puzzles, games, greeting cards, apparel, wrapping paper, fabric, and wall decor. Stephanie has extensive Pinterest boards including Bitten By A Vampire Named Hue exploring color trends and Lively Florals cataloging hundreds of flower photographs from which she paints daily.

Stephanie begins every painting by asking herself what she finds funny about her subject. She exaggerates imperfections, celebrating the beautiful and endearing quirkiness of everything she paints. The motifs she creates often end up as endearing nincompoops, not due to their cuteness or sweetness but because she attempts to celebrate their individual quirkiness.

Stephanie hopes to inspire everyone to celebrate their inner nincompoop and see the beauty in imperfections, quirks, and unusual places.

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My arousal! My Arousal!

Wherefore art my Arousal

BY SUSAN JARVIS

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his is for every woman experiencing menopause, whether that be on the verge, in the thick of it or on the other side. I truly believe that the spark of our passions and desires live within our mind, spirit and heart (our Goddess). Just like a fire will die down when it’s not tended to properly, so will you.

You need kindling and oxygen to fan your flames and you can find that in the form of new experiences, knowledge and meeting new people. If this is a struggle for your boundaries or you have experienced trauma, I recommend that you engage with a Sexologist and/or a Psychologist to help guide your path. Love and light, Susan, The Maven. x My clitoris just doesn’t work anymore. It must be broken.

As a sex educator, sex consultant, podcast host, and all round friendly ear to the women in my life, I’ve heard many women talk about their lack of interest in sex and that they just don’t feel horny anymore.

I get it, I’m in the same boat. I rarely, if ever, get to enjoy that delicious buzz in my clitoris when I was inspired to be sexual (and if that buzz was left unattended it would become exquisitely pleasurable!)

Well. I have to say that it has been quite some time since I’ve enjoyed a dance in my pants like that. Like me, most of the women who share the feeling of disinterest in sex, are now experiencing perimeno-

pause or menopause (which is no surprise).

This is my story, and I want to share with you what I have learned about my clitoris and my body in the hope that you can rediscover the sexual energy that is lying dormant in your body, because it’s there for the taking.

A few years ago, I went from being a very horny, lustful ‘wench’ to someone who had virtually shut up shop on their sexuality. I once thrived on being a hot blooded woman, it gave me confidence and energy knowing that I had a lust for life and lived a life with passion. I wore red lipstick everyday with pride (this was my way of strutting through the World because I was hopeless in heels). I went from feeling euphoric about going to work wearing the smile on my face from the previous night’s orgasm to dragging myself in and feeling like a dried out, old hornbag with a flat battery.

My vulva (which I like to call fanny) was as dry as leather, and bloody painful. It took me a while to realise that the sting I felt when I did a wee was because of the micro tears from the friction in my fanny when I walked (think...rub two sticks together to make a fire!!) Holy dooley. I certainly didn’t feel schexy anymore (and that’s ‘sexy’ said in Sean Connery’s voice).

I wallowed in misery and mourned the loss of my

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identity. That voluptuous, purring woman with the glint in her eyes was gone. Poof! Just. Like. That.

For sometime I participated in dutiful, obligatory sex and felt a failure that I had no natural wetness (I never faked an orgasm, I just didn’t have one). I had transformed from Queen of the Nile to Sheba, Queen of the Desert!!

In my mind, wetness proved to my lover that I was aroused, ready, willing and able for some P-I-V (penis in vagina) and if I wasn’t aroused, was that me judging his skills? Reaching for a bottle of lube felt like an admission that I had lost my inner Goddess...and I was devastated at that thought because I had previously lost her during my marriage and rediscovered her again post divorce. I had made a pact to honour my Goddess for the rest of my life.

I became trapped in a vicious cycle of avoiding contact during our night time routine so that I wasn’t available for an invitation for a kiss and a cuddle... which sometimes led towards horizontal folk dancing. If we did start kissing, my mind would be wondering, ‘Does he want to have sex?’ and I would

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start to worry about my lack of spontaneous arousal.

Eventually, after many months of holding on to my emotional angst, I broke down in tears during an intimate moment and poured my heart out to him.

Fuck. Why did I wait so long to say something?? The floodgates of emotion opened up and my dear, darling man took it all in and listened. Here’s the thing.

He had noticed the changes to my state of arousal and had been feeling self-conscious that it was because of him and had noticed that I no longer invited him to be sexy as much as I used to (my heart still does flip flops when I think about this moment).

We talked very deeply about how I was feeling about sex, my dry fanny, and my total lack of interest in being intimate. Deep down, my Goddess spoke to me and reminded me that my sexual spirit was still alive but needed help to thrive, so I made a choice: to investigate the changes to my body and find new pathways to pleasure.

I am fortunate to have a wonderful GP and visited for a discussion about how I was feeling about sex. A health check (boobs, pap smear and bloods) made

certain there were no lingering sinister problems happening and explained I was perimenopausal (the penny dropped big time!). My conversation with the GP didn’t extend to reinvigorating the moisture level of my vulva during sex (lube was going to have be my friend) so I spent a lot of time trundling through Google about sex after menopause and I eventually discovered the concepts of spontaneous and responsive desire which was proposed by Dr Rosemary Basson (Clinical Professor the Director of the University of British Columbia Sexual Medicine Program):

in sex even when they do not initially feel desire or arousal. With sufficient sexual stimuli—and in the appropriate context—one can move from a place of neutrality to feelings of arousal and desire.”

“Spontaneous sexual desire manifests in the sense of sexual urgency, passion, or “horniness.” In Basson’s model, feelings of sexual urgency can happen at several points during a sexual encounter, and are particularly evident at the beginning of relationships, when sex is frequent.

Salvation was at hand (literally)...AND...orgasms galore...still with the help of my best friend lubey-luscious but I didn’t care anymore. I get wet now, after my orgasm, but that’s fine.

The glint in my eye and purr in my voice have returned. This sexy Leo Lioness is back and that is what matters most to me (and my man).

However, spontaneous sexual desire is not necessary to become aroused and have fulfilling sex. Responsive sexual desire is equally as powerful. Responsive sexual desire occurs when one is willing to engage

https://psychiatry.ubc.ca/person/rosemary-basson/ I was WILLING and all I needed was sufficient sexual stimuli! SALVATION! In other words, my clitoris isn’t broken, it just speaks another language now!!!

Stay tuned for my next instalment on the ‘sufficient sexual stimuli’ (alliteration is so hot!!).

About the Writer Susan Jarvis is a positive sex and body positivity advocate and is the owner of The Spicy Boudoir, an online sexual health and wellness store to celebrate the sexuality of people living with disability and for people aged over 50. Susan is also the host of podcast The Maven’s Private Diaries. thespicyboudoir.com

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The twelve days

of Kindness

BY SANDY DAVIES

Sandy Davies is the founder of HappyPause™ and is dedicated to helping women get their groove back during peri/menopause. Sandy loves her age and celebrated turning 50 by popping the cork of a different champagne each week in the fifty weeks leading up to the big 5-0 with women who had made a difference in her life.

It doesn’t have to be champagne, but Sandy encourages wb40 readers to celebrate the milestones of 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond with wild abandon. happypause.com.au | l @happypause_menopause

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I

love throwing (environmentally friendly) confetti, much to everyone else’s chagrin. It doesn’t have to be New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t have to be a wedding or a celebration. Sometimes the confetti excuse is simply because it’s a beautiful day.

This holiday season let’s throw kindness into the air like confetti. Instead of the Olde English Twelve Days of Christmas from the 1700s, let’s change it up and make it The Twelve Days of Kindness this year. Goodness knows after the last 21 months of the pandemic there’s no such thing as too much kindness. I don’t mean the kind of kindness where we give ‘til it hurts or giving to others who take, take, take until our soul feels depleted. Steer away from all things toxic and people who make you feel shit. Go beyond or around them to create genuine joy for yourself.

Joy is contagious. And exponential. When you throw yours around like confetti, your heart does The Grinch, aka it grows three sizes and suddenly you’ve found ‘the strength of ten Grinches plus two’. And trust me, from years of experience, it feels bloody awesome! If it doesn’t feel great, do a quick audit—make sure you’re doing it because you want to, make sure it is something that aligns with your values, make sure you weren’t guilted into it, make sure whatever you give comes from your heart and not obligation. Choose your own path of kindness.

So hum along with me for the Twelve Days of Kindness. Some are silly. You will inevitably think some are dippy. Hey, nothing wrong with that—change them over to actions that align with your definition of kindness. Get out there and make the world a kinder place simply because of your existence.

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On the First Day of Kindness My Best Self Gave to Me:

a Huge Hug Because I am Enough

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On the Second Day of kindness I reach out and gave:

Two Safety Nets

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Pre-pandemic we all had days where it was hard enough to remember this.

Now we need it blaring from a bull horn 24/7.

You are Enough.

You woke up. You are doing your best. That is enough.

If you haven’t been hugging yourself before you brush your teeth every morning, recommence today. Starting the day with a hug of selflove works magic for reminding us of our worth.

If this year isn’t a struggle for you, be the safety plan for someone for whom it is. If family events are their trigger, schedule a phone call that gives them an excuse to leave. Or reach and make sure they know you’ve got their back when old demons rear their ugly heads. Be their sounding board or their escape route.

On the Third Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Three Pressies Wrapped

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On the Fourth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Four Not for Profits

4

Do you know someone who lacks the dexterity to wrap pressies? A few years ago I rocked up next door with wrapping paper, tape and tags in hand. I had no idea how much it was going to ease my neighbour’s stress and anxiety about getting presents for her grandchildren ready. It only takes two ticks and makes a world of difference.

If you haven’t had a good ol’ clean out in yonks, many not for profits are struggling to keep adequate stock levels. If you have items still in boxes that are suitable for regifting, your donation will empower someone struggling to make ends meet this year to afford pressies. I worked in our local Lifeline for many Christmases. Regiftable donations at this time of year are meaningful.

29

On the Fifth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Five Jump the Queues

5

On the Sixth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Six Driver Coldies

6 30

We all know how stressful shopping can be.

If your day is calm and you have the time, let someone with just a few items, with less time or visible frazzled jump the queue.

Sometimes a little win like a queue jump is all we need to regroup.

Who doesn’t sigh for the poor garbo who gets stuck doing the bin run on Christmas Day? Run out with a wrapped Powerade.

Or if you’re at the end of their run, there are so many flavourful zero alcohol beers these days you can even wrap up a coldie for their hard earned thirst.

On the Seventh Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Seven Crappy Jokes

7

I worked in a toxic workplace where some days almost every single team member would be dragging their chin on the ground with a sorrowful frown. I bump into former teammates now who still recall mention my godawful eye-roll inducing jokes. Mission accomplished. Laughter may not fix the problem, but it helps us cope. Keep a few up your sleeve.

Feel free to steal my favs: Santa:

Q: Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

A: Elf-is Presley

Q: What do you call a dog who works for Santa?

A: Santa Paws

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks?

A: Santa Jaws Maths and numbers:

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?

A: Because seven ate nine!

On the Eighth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Eight Candy Cane Car Bombs

8

In the coffee line:

Q: What do call a cow that just had a baby?

A: De-calf-inated (decaffeinated) Cheesey:

Q: When should you keep on eye on your cheese?

A: When its up to no-gouda

Q: How do the Welsh eat their cheese?

A: Caerphilly

Bombing cars with candy canes is fun for both the doer and the receiver. The next time you’re in the cheap shop, grab a bag of candy canes and drop them on the driver’s door handles or mirrors as you walk back to your car.

You won’t be able to stop smiling the rest of the day – and that’s a candy cane promise!

31

On the Ninth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Nine Big Fat Smiles

On the Tenth Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Ten Maccas Drive Throughs

10 32

9

A friend recently participated in the Elisha Neave Ovarian Cancer Brisbane River Run in honour of the memory of her sister. I was her cheerleader and sideline water bearer. I went down to the 8 km mark to cheer her on and shout encouragement.

Competitive running is such a different game now compared to the last run I did in the (ahem) 1980s. Now everyone has their headphones on and no one shouts out to each other as they pass. It really is a solo endeavour rather than a collective experience these days. So I found myself clapping and cheering on everyone who ran past in those few moments and not just my friend. Later on at the finish line another competitor came up and said, “I was about to give up and then I saw you.

You smiled at me and shouted encouragement. If you hadn’t been their smiling, I don’t think I would have finished.”

Never underestimate the power of a simple smile. Your smile holds more power than you know.

Pay it forward. The next time you’re queued up at Macca’s, in the food court or visiting your favourite market food source, pay for the person behind you. Or if you saw someone living rough nearby, do a duplicate order and drop it to them on your way back.

On the Eleventh Day of Kindness I Reached Out and Gave:

Eleven Happy Notes

11 On the Twelfth Day of Kindness My Best Self Gave to Me:

Everyone’s Favourite Monopoly Card

12

If you haven’t discovered Charlie Mackesy’s book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, grab a copy.

You’ll buy additional copies to gift to others. He regularly leaves sketches from his book taped to postboxes, powerpoles and mysterious places in the belief they will find their way to someone in need of hope or courage.

Scatter happy notes on your morning walk, you never know who might need those exact words in the very moment of picking it up.

Who doesn’t love a Monopoly ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card? Give yourself one. You’re allowed to set boundaries. You’re allowed to say no.

Communicate your limits and present your Get Out of Jail Free card if you know you’ve got too much on your plate or you know an activity will be too much for you to juggle.

No negative self talk. No should have’s. And when all else fails, return to The First Day of Kindness. You are hugworthy and more than enough.

Let someone know if Christmas sucks for you.

It is okay if you’re struggling with the holiday season. Find someone you can talk to. Even if they are full of holiday cheer this year, there will have been years past where they weren’t.

They will understand. Their joy doesn’t negate understanding and compassion.

If you don’t feel like sharing with someone in your circle, Lifeline and Beyond Blue are always there. You’ve got this. And tomorrow will be a new day.

Lifeline 13 11 14

Beyond Blue 1 300 22 4636

33

34

Why you need to become

a half arsed parent

BY SUSIE OBRIEN

W

my sister - like wearing budgie smugglers as daywear and cementing things into the ground.

Back then, we knew less, we cared less, we did less.

We didn’t have play dates, we played with all the kids in the neighbourhood. We rode home when it got dark, not forgetting to grab some smokes for our parents from the shops on the way.

I also can’t imagine my mum putting love notes in my lunchbox, capturing every sporting disappointment on camera or giving me veggies fanned out like a rainbow for dinner like parents are expected to do today.

Over the next few decades, mums and dads forgot about freedom and fun and the need to raise kids that are strong and resilient.

Nor would my parents feel guilty for doing things I do, like skipping pages of my kids’ readers so I can get them to bed faster or getting take-away for dinner again. Oh, and using the clothes dryer when it’s sunny and pretending I’m working when I’m really watching Bridgerton on my laptop. (Told you I’ve got lots of guilt.)

hen I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, kids were free-range, like the underarm hair.

And they forgot to relax and enjoy parenting.

As a working mother of three kids and two stepkids, I know what it’s like to feel stressed, guilty and over-stretched.

We love our kids – it’s parenting we have a problem with. We’ve become so wrapped up in our children’s lives that we forget to have lives of our own.

It wasn’t like that when I was young. My dad had better things to do than live his life through me and

It’s time to do things differently and embrace a half-arsed approach.

We need to stop being helicopter parents and become half-arsed parents.

Half-arsed parenting is about doing half as much and knowing it is still more than enough. It’s not

35

an invitation to give up and do a bad job across the board.

Here are some half-arsed secrets to get you started.

Drop your standards Half-arsed parenting is about getting back to basics.

Whatever happened to toasted sandwiches for dinner? Buying birthday cakes instead of baking them?

Making meals with what you’ve got, not what you buy from the biodynamic organic market? Half-arsed parents know that when it comes to raising kids, you don’t have to be perfect. Know your limits and set the bar low enough so you succeed. It’s okay that your child’s first word was Bluey or Elsa rather than Mama or Dadda. No one else cares, and nor should you.

Ignore #fakecelebrities Celebrities pretending to be perfect are faking it.

They spend their days posting inspirational phrases like ‘Be the best you #glow, #bless’ but only get out of bed thanks to a generous slug of vodka in their green goddess breakfast smoothie. (I am not green or a goddess. I once tried to drink hot water with lemon and it looked like a giant cup of wee.)

Ditch the guilt Parents juggling demanding jobs guilt themselves into feeling they should spend more hands-on time with their children. The answer is not to do less socialising or less paid work but to do less parenting.

Let kids ride their bikes to school, build their own Lego creations and make their own dinner. Even better, let them make you dinner. Even a ten-year-

old can make toast.

The kids will be fine Half- arsed parents know the kids will be all right, like they always are. What’s important is that mums and dads are all right too. Half-arsed parenting is about doing what you can, not doing as much as you can to impress others who don’t care. There’s a reason why third and fourth children are often more resilient – they have to be. When my third child was young, I only paid full attention to him when he was screaming or bleeding.

Step back and let go Half-arsed parents also don’t assess their own success through their children’s attainments.

And they don’t feel the need to be overly invested in every aspect of their kids’ lives. They refuse to attend every sporting match, manipulate every friendship and orchestrate all aspects of their children’s school life. It’s time to step back, say no and walk away from the parenting rat-race.

Remember…

Becoming a Half-Arsed parent means ignore all the unrealistic goals and expectations thrust on us. Parents don’t need more thrusting: it’s how we got into this mess in the first place.

The Secret of Half-Arsed Parenting

By Susie O’Brien Murdoch Books

About the Writer Dr Susie O’Brien is a journalist and columnist with a PhD in Education. For the last 19 years she has written about parenting and social issues for the Herald Sun and other newspapers, and she appears weekly on Channel Seven’s Sunrise. She and her partner have five kids between them - they’re the Brady Bunch, without Alice to cook dinner every night.

Claire Wenn is a Balwyn North working mother-of-three and a successful real estate agent. Claire has three boys aged 19, 17 and 14 and over the years she’s made thousands of lunches, washed thousands of socks and made thousands of dinners. She loves her sons more than teenage boys love Lynx Africa body spray, but would love them to clean up after themselves once in a while...

f facebook.com/susie.obrien.121 | l susieobrien_hs

36

Your Body Your way

thespicyboudoir.com The Spicy Boudoir is an all-inclusive space aimed at liberating sexual wellbeing from behind closed doors.

100% Non Toxic Materials

REGARDLESS OF GENDER, AGE, MOBILITY OR SIZE WE CHAMPION FOR SEX POSITIVE CHANGE. Together, let’s strip away the stigma and stereotypes to create an empowered community free to explore and express their sexuality.

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Free from known Irritants

Easy Clean

Non Porous Materials

37

Sandra Reynolds Ready to celebrate at the end of this year with family and friends? Me too, for one compelling reason – at long last it seems we will be able to gather our nearest and put a full stop to a hellish and topsy-turvy year.

For me this means catching up with my children who both live interstate, and who I haven’t seen in more than 15 months. I haven’t seen Mum for almost a year. While Mum especially loves nothing more than a full traditional sit-down meal, I much prefer the great Australian tradition of salads and cold food and a meal that generally lasts from lunch

time to late evening, with various forays into the food as my strength permits.

This being perhaps a more meaningful occasion than in recent years, I want to spend as much time as possible catching up and minimal time in the kitchen.

While all of the recipes that follows are spectacular, most can be done ahead, with nothing more required than to assemble it all on the day.

d o o f f ove o

Her L

About the Writer Sandra Reynolds is a Melbourne based Cookbook Author, award-winning blogger, columnist and recipe queen who is the Founder of the $120 Food Challenge. Sandra has published over 1300 nutritious, low-cost and family-friendly recipes for her platform The $120 Food Challenge. Sandra’s passion is sharing her love of food with others. delishforless.com

39

FESTIVE DUCK SALAD

T

his is the very best of celebration dishes – you can make everything ahead of time, ready to assemble on the big day and best of all, it’s supremely adaptable. You can substitute the duck for chicken or use Marylands or a whole duck as you need to. As for the salad, everything is negotiable - buy the greens that is easiest on your budget rather than following this recipe to the letter.

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

6 duck breasts OR 3 duck marylands, skin on (Or use a whole 2.2kg duck) 1 tbsp sea salt 2 garlic cloves, crushed zest of 1 ruby grapefruit 1 heaped tsp coriander seeds 2 tsp Chinese five-spice 1 tsp white pepper

Dressing: ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

¼ cup (60ml) hoisin sauce juice of ½ ruby grapefruit 1 tbsp honey 1 tsp sesame oil

Salad: ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

METHOD

3 cups (150g) mixed salad leaves 250g (1½ cups) green beans (frozen beans are fine) ¼ cup roasted cashews 1 cup (70g) fresh bean sprouts 1 cup (50g) baby spinach leaves 4 spring onions, sliced on the diagonal ½ ruby grapefruit, pith removed and cut into segments 2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds

Serves 6 as part of a larger meal

Begin the day before.

1.

Pat the flesh and skin of the duck dry with paper towels. Use a sharp knife to slash the skin of each breast three or four times.

2. Place the garlic, salt, zest, coriander seeds, five spice powder and pepper in a small food processor or a mortar and pestle and crush until you have a paste. Rub half the paste into the flesh and the other half all over the skin and deep into the cuts you have made. Place the breasts on a rack over a small baking tray and leave it to dry out on the bottom rack of the fridge, uncovered, overnight.

3. Preheat the oven to 170°C (fan-forced). Place the duck on a rack in a roasting tray skin-side down and roast for 35 minutes.

Flip the pieces over and prick the skins all over with a toothpick to help release as much fat as you can, then roast for a further 20 minutes.

4. While the duck is roasting, combine all the dressing ingredients in a small bowl and mix well. Set aside a quarter of the dressing for the salad (it stores well in a covered container for up to three days in the fridge).

5. Remove the duck from the oven and spoon off as much fat as you can from the bottom of the tray. Turn the oven heat up to 220°C (fan-forced). Brush the warm duck all over with the remaining dressing. Bake for a further 5 minutes until the duck is glossy and the skin is crisp. Allow the duck to cool to room temperature. At this point you can store it in a covered container for up to 48 hours until you are ready to serve.

6. To assemble: Rinse the salad leaves and pat dry. Trim the green beans and cook them in boiling water for 3 minutes, then plunge them into iced water to stop them cooking.

7. In a large bowl combine all the salad ingredients except the sesame seeds and toss well to combine. Arrange the salad on a large platter and spoon the reserved dressing over the top. Using a very sharp knife, slice the breasts (and marylands if using) into thick pieces. Arrange the duck over the salad leaves and scatter sesame seeds over the top. Serve at once.

40

O

nce made at the end of the day by Hong Kong fisherman from the crabs they could not sell, this magnificent meal is a worthy centrepiece to any celebratory feast.

I’ve used blue swimmer crab here, but any uncooked crab will do, the meatier the better. Allow everyone to pick their way through the succulent crab pieces and have crab crackers or nut crackers and plenty of napkins for use for this is not a dish to eat with knife and fork. It’s messy and glorious and riotous. Isn’t that what a good celebration is about?

TYPHOON SHELTER CRAB

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

2 bulbs garlic, cloves peeled and finely chopped ¼ cup rice bran or peanut oil 6 uncooked blue swimmer crabs, about 1.8-2kg in total ¼ cup cornflour ¾ cup rice bran or peanut oil, extra 12 shallots, peeled and finely sliced 2 tbsp finely grated ginger 4 birds-eye chillies, finely sliced 4 dried chillies, finely sliced ¼ cup light soy sauce ¼ cup black beans, finely chopped 6 spring onions, sliced thinly on the diagonal 100ml water 80ml Shaoxing (rice wine) Steamed rice to serve (optional)

Serves 6 as part of a larger meal

METHOD 1.

Finely chop the garlic and place in a small bowl and cover with cold water by 2cm.Soak for 10 minutes. Drain, then pat dry on paper towel. Heat a wok over high heat and add 3 tablespoons oil. Fry the garlic for 3 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon, drain the garlic on paper towel and set aside.

2. Prepare and clean the crabs. Turn the crab over and remove the hinged ‘apron’. Turn the crab over and remove the top shell and set the shell aside. Scoop out the stomach and remove mouth, eyes and gills, then pat dry. Use a large knife to cut the crab in half, then through each piece to remove each leg. Crack some of the larger pieces with the back of a large knife.

Dust the crab pieces in cornflour. Dust the reserved top shells in cornflour and set aside.

3. Heat the remaining oil over high heat in a wok. Fry the crab pieces and top shells, in batches, for 5 minutes until the shells are red and crab is just cooked through. Remove and set aside.

4. Add shallots, ginger and chillies to the wok and stir fry for one minute. Add soy and black beans and half the spring onions and stir fry for a further minute.

5. Return the crab to the wok, add water and cook for one minute. Add remaining spring onions, Shaoxing and half the crispy garlic to the wok and stir well to thoroughly coat the crab pieces. Remove from heat.

6. Spoon the crab pieces onto a large platter with the shells to decorate. Scatter remaining fried garlic over the top and serve with steamed rice, a favourite chilli sauce for bite and plenty of crab crackers and napkins.

41

FREEKEH T SALAD WITH HONEY AND PEACH

his salad offers a wonderful contrast of textures and, if you are serving it as part of this feast, cuts across the richness of the duck or spice of the crab. It also pairs wonderfully with baked ham or roast turkey as part of a more traditional meal.

Freekeh is a green wheat-based grain, but if you want a gluten-free alternative, use brown rice. It can be cooked ahead of time then stored in an air-tight container in the fridge, ready to be used at the last minute.

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

2 cups (300g) freekeh 750ml (3 cups) vegetable stock or water 2 large peaches 2 tsp olive oil 1 red onion, halved, thinly sliced 1 garlic clove, crushed ½ tsp ground cumin ¼ tsp ground cinnamon ¼ tsp ground turmeric 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered ½ cup firmly packed coarsely chopped fresh parsley 120g baby spinach leaves, washed and drained.

Dressing: ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

2 tbsp lemon juice 2 tbsp warmed honey 1 tbsp seeded mustard sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Serves 6

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

42

Heat vegetable stock in a small saucepan until it comes to the boil and add the freekeh. Simmer for 15 minutes until just cooked. Drain and cool.

Heat up a small saucepan of water over a medium heat. Cut a small cross in the bottom of each peach and place in the barely simmering water for 1 minute. Remove the peaches and as soon as you can handle them without burning yourself, peel away the skin. Cut the peaches into quarters, discard pit, then cut the peach flesh into 2 cm chunks and set aside.

Heat oil in a frypan over medium heat and add onion and garlic. Sauté for 2 minutes until the onion softens but does not colour. Add cumin, cinnamon and turmeric and stir well to combine, then fry for a further minute. Remove from heat and set aside.

Toss the freekeh with peaches, onion mixture, tomato parsley and half the spinach leaves and mix well. Combine all the dressing ingredients in a jar, cover and shake until well combined.

To serve, pour dressing over peach and freekeh mixture and toss well to combine. Place on a platter lined with remaining spinach leaves and serve immediately.

BEETROOT CARPACCIO WITH APPLE, MINT AND BURRATA

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

4 medium beetroot, about the size of a tennis ball 6 cloves garlic 2 sprigs thyme olive oil sea salt to taste 2 large Granny Smith or other crispy and sharp-tasting apples juice 1 large lemon 2 tbsp olive oil 1 bunch mint ½ cup toasted walnuts 1-2 large fresh burrata, drained

Dressing: ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

2 tbsp wholegrain mustard 1 tsp grated horseradish ¼ cup balsamic 2 tbsp olive oil good pinch sea salt

Makes 6

METHOD 1.

Scrub any dirt from the beetroots and trim the stalks to leave a 2cm stalk. If you want to reserve a few of the smaller beetroot leaves for a garnish, go ahead.

2. Preheat the oven to 190°C. Line a baking small roasting tray with a very large sheet of foil, enough that you can wrap back over the beetroots. Place the whole beetroots, the unpeeled garlic cloves and the scattered thyme leaves into the roasting dish. Drizzle with a little olive oil and a pinch of sea salt flakes and then wrap the whole thing up in the foil and crimp the edges to make a foil envelope. Bake for 45 minutes until a sharp knife can go through the centre of the beetroot easily. Set aside the roasted garlic cloves.

3. When they are cool enough to handle, put on some rubber gloves and peel the skins away from the beetroots. Slice the beetroots thinly and place in a large non-reactive bowl.

4. Dressing: Place all the ingredients into a large screw top jar. Squeeze out the flesh from the roasted garlic cloves into the dressing. Shake the jar until all the ingredients are combined and pour it over the warm beetroot. Toss briefly to combine and set aside.

5. Peel and core the apples, then cut them in half. Cut each half into 5mm slices and each slice into 5mm thick batons or dice.

Place in a bowl with the lemon juice and give them a quick toss to prevent them from discolouring. Add the olive oil, mint leaves and roughly chopped walnuts and toss briefly to combine. Check for seasoning - it may need a little salt to balance the acidity of the lemon.

6. To serve: Line a large platter with slices of beetroot. Scatter with apple and mint mixture. Place the drained burrata in the centre, then spoon any remaining dressing onto the apple.

43

44

PAVLOVA WREATH Y

es, you want a non-traditional meal. But try and host a party without a pavlova as the central feature of a dessert spread and see how quickly someone notices. Face it: The pav is our national dessert.

So, if you gently manipulate the pillowy meringue into a circle and then decorate it with festive touches, no one will think the worse of you.

Serves everyone at your table.

(At least 8-10 people)

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

6 egg whites at room temperature 1 ¼ cups (270g) caster sugar 2 tsp cornflour 1 tsp white vinegar ½ tsp vanilla extract 300ml thickened cream 2 tbsp icing sugar mixture, sifted

Fruit topping: ◆ ◆

2 punnets strawberries, 2 punnets fresh raspberries and the seeds of 1 pomegranate Juice ½ lime or 2 tablespoons marsala

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Preheat oven to 120°C. Line a large oven tray with baking paper. Spray with canola spray and dust with a tablespoon of cornflour, shaking off excess. Mark a 24cm diameter circle on the paper with the blade of a butter knife scored into the paper. If making a wreath, mark a smaller 12cm circle in the centre.

Using an electric mixer, whisk egg whites in a clean dry bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar, one tablespoon at a time, beating well after each addition, until meringue is thick and glossy and the sugar has dissolved.

There is no quick cheat’s way to do this, you need to beat each addition very thoroughly to enable the sugar to dissolve into the egg whites. The results will be a deliciously soft meringue that does not ‘weep’. This step could well take up to 20-25 minutes. Please, take your time.

Rub a little meringue between fingers. If you can still feel grains of sugar, continue to whisk until sugar dissolves.

Add cornflour, vinegar and vanilla and with the food mixer or your beaters set on low, very gently whisk until just combined.

Spoon meringue onto the baking sheet, using the marked circles as a guide. Now is not the time to reproduce a perfectly smooth-sided base - we’re going for a more artisanal look. Pile up the meringue towards the centre of the circle, smoothing the top but leaving the sides a swirling, undulating mass of meringue.

Bake in oven for 1½ hours or until pavlova is dry to the touch. Turn off oven and leave pavlova in oven to cool completely, overnight if possible. When completely cold, transfer to serving plate or store in an airtight container until required.

When ready to serve, use an electric mixer to whisk the cream and icing sugar in a medium bowl until firm peaks form. Spoon cream onto the top of pavlova. Wash and hull the berries and add them to a little lime juice or a dash of marsala and toss them gently. Drain. Decorate pavlova and serve at once.

45

COCONUT PANNA COTTA WITH POACHED CHERRIES

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

320ml (1 and 1/3 cup) coconut cream 125ml (½ cup) pouring cream (substitute for coconut milk or plant-based cream) 110g (2/3 cup) caster sugar 3 leaves gelatine OR 1 tbsp gelatine powder

Poached Cherries: ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

250g fresh ripe cherries, pitted 110g (2/3 cup) caster sugar ½ tsp vanilla extract dash marsala (optional)

Makes 6

A

lthough this panna cotta has dairy in it, you can substitute the cream for coconut milk or a plant-based cream for a fully dairy-free dessert.

Substituting gelatine for agar agar (available in larger supermarkets) will also make this dessert vegan. All this, and it makes the most of seasonal cherries and summer eating. After all, no one should miss out.

METHOD 1.

2.

Use 12 small plastic drinking cups, set one inside the other to make six moulds. Place the cups on a baking tray.

Place the creams and sugar in a saucepan and bring them to the boil over medium heat, stirring. Add gelatine powder to 2 tablespoons cold water and stir until it dissolves. Add the gelatine to the warm cream and stir well to combine.

3. If you are using gelatine leaves: Place the leaves in a small bowl of cold water and soak them for 10 minutes until they are soft and doubled in size. Squeeze out as much cold water from them as you can and then add them to the warm cream.

Stir until the jelly-like leaves dissolve completely.

4. Strain mixture, discarding the solids. Cool, then divide evenly among the six moulds. Refrigerate for at least 6 hours or until set.

5. Poached Cherries: Place pitted cherries, 60ml water, sugar and vanilla in a pan over medium heat for 2 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Bring to the boil, then add marsala (if using). Cook for a further 2 minutes then remove from heat and cool to room temperature or chill in the fridge until you are ready to serve.

6. To serve: Remove the inner cup from its partner and gently place the mould into a bowl of lukewarm water for 20 seconds only. Turn the mould up onto a serving plate and gently squeeze out the panna cotta onto a plate. Spoon cherries and juice around the panna cotta and serve at once.

46

T

hese lovely caramel sandwiches are found throughout South America with every country claiming their own version. Traditionally served after Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, they feature Dulce de Leche, the famed milky caramel that also has umpteen regional variations.

ALFAJORES

I like them plain, because it’s the caramel I want. Still, if you want to dip the sides in crushed nuts - pistachios or flaked almonds would be nice - then go right ahead. Instead of labour-intensive Dulce de Leche, I used readymade caramel, or you can use a tin of condensed milk, cooked slowly over an hour or two in a pot of simmering water until it is golden brown and so thick you can stand a spoon in it.

These are an outstanding gift and you can make the biscuits ahead of schedule, store them or freeze them, ready to be sandwiched and packaged up. While they are often bigger - about 6-7cm in diameter - I have made dainty 5cm biscuits which make far prettier gifts. Of course, it’s up to you. Either way, you won’t stop at one.

Makes 30 filled biscuits

INGREDIENTS ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

2¼ cups (400g) plain flour 50g (¼ cup) pure icing sugar 250g butter, cubed 1 star anise, finely crushed with a mortar and pestle 1 egg plus 1 egg yolk ½ tsp vanilla extract 380g tin ready-made caramel OR condensed milk (which you have cooked to make caramel) ¼ cup finely chopped pistachios or flaked almonds (optional)

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Place the flour, icing sugar and cubes of butter in the bowl of a food processor and blitz until the mixture resembles coarse breadcrumbs. Add ½ teaspoon of the finely crushed star anise to the mixture and pulse briefly to combine.

Add the eggs and vanilla extract to the flour mixture and process until the mixture comes together in a ball. Turn the dough out onto a clean bench top and flatten the dough a little, then wrap in clingwrap and chill in the fridge for 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 180°C (fan-forced). Line a baking sheet with baking paper and set aside.

Lightly flour the bench top and roll out the pastry to 5mm thick. Cut 5cm rounds from the dough and place the disks on the baking sheet. Refrigerate for 30 minutes before putting them in the oven.

Bake for 15 minutes until the biscuits are lightly golden. Transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely. If you want to make these ahead of schedule, freeze the unfilled cooked biscuits in an airtight container for up to one month.

Carefully spoon a teaspoon or two of caramel onto the flat side of one biscuit, then sandwich with another biscuit.

Repeat with remaining biscuits. If you want to, dip the sides in a small bowl of finely chopped nuts so they stick to the caramel. Store in an airtight container for up to 5 days.

47

48

The Colours of Music Rachel Walker Mason

BY SANDY LOWRES

While chatting with Rachel Mason Walker, who

for Rachel. From childhood she has been writing

had just dropped her child at school, it’s almost

song lyrics and has a unique ability to see music in

impossible not to smile, such is her infectious

her mind’s eye as colours. Rachel is a synesthete,

laughter and her vibrant purple hair. Balancing

having the neurological condition synesthesia,

marriage, motherhood and her work, Rachel has

which means that Rachel’s mind processes more

carved out an extraordinary career as an award-

than one sense at a time giving her perception an

winning

Grammy

extra dimension. Rachel hears music and sees it in

nominees, Billboard Hot 100 artists, alumni f rom

colour form. For other people with the condition,

The Voice UK and American Idol, Award winning

they may be able to “taste” words, or perceive food

Country artists and Emmy winners. She’s even co-

as geometric shapes. For Rachel this has proven to

written a song for Dua Lipa.

be a gift she calls her superpower.

Perhaps working in the music industry was fated

“I always felt my happiest and most fulfilled when

songwriter,

working

with

49

I was singing or writing music, so it felt natural to

worked consistently in her community, encouraging

make it my career path,” Rachel explains, “I’ve never

different generations to bond through the arts. It’s

wanted to do anything else as a job and I’m lucky

not surprising then that Rachel is the only musician

that I’ve been able to live my dream.”

ever to be named Freelancer of the Year. Rachel has also been made the British representative for

Rachel’s dream job has taken her all over the world

the World Choir Council, the International Singer

and allowed her to coach hundreds of singers f rom

Songwriter Association and the Intercontinental

novices to West End performers. She has run an

Music Awards.

artist management company, a record label and

50

In 2010, Rachel and a dancer colleague decided to

“It’s an honour to be able to help people through

start a Glee inspired choir and Euphoria was born.

music. My work now combines co-writing and song

Euphoria proved to be popular and were invited to

writing with working as a Maternal Mental Health

be part of Britain’s Got Talent. That appearance saw

Ambassador.”

them talent spotted and invited to perform in New York. This experience gave Rachel exposure to many

One of the highlights of Rachel’s career was

other show choirs, and she networked with show

meeting His Royal Highness, Prince Harry, who

choir competition organisers all over the world. From

has applauded her as “an inspiration.” Rachel was

there Rachel started doing a lot more a cappella

a judge for the WellChild School Choir of the Year

work. She was later headhunted to be a judge of Sky

Awards and Prince Harry is a patron of British charity

One’s TV show Sing: Ultimate A Cappella.

WellChild.

If her song writing and judging career isn’t impressive

“I was 9 months pregnant, but they called me up to

enough, Rachel has also written a best-selling book,

meet him. I was focused on not going into labour

Not the Only One: A collection of real stories, poems

and worried if I curtsied too low, I wouldn’t be able

and songs about postnatal depression and recovery.

to get back up!”

“I’ve struggled with my mental health throughout my life and after the birth of my children I was

Having received so many awards over the years,

diagnosed with post-natal depression. I knew

including Album of the Year in 2020, and Woman

something wasn’t right and that I needed some

of the Year, Rachel was recently awarded a British

help.”

Citizen Award for her contribution to the arts, something she feels enormously proud of.

Rachel’s bravery to talk openly about postnatal depression

has

helped

many

others

going

Rachel is many things, and among them is genuine

experiencing mental health issues after childbirth.

and humble. Passing the age of 40, she has no signs

After recovering, she set up Lyrical Light, a song

of slowing down anytime soon and is currently

writing workshop for those struggling with their

working on a new book project. Rachel’s star is

mental health after becoming parents.

burning brightly.

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Subscribe to our digital or print Magazine before the 15th December and you could win this brilliant holiday prize pack!

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Prize Pack includes:

✔ Happy Pause Balm (Sandy Davies)

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Grief From the mouth of an adult orphan

BY ROSA CARRAFA

‘I am an orphan.

I survived my change of environment throughout adolescence.

I battled my way through the confusion of romantic relationships in my 20’s.

I held my ground as a sole parent in my 30’s.

I ached the changes of my womanhood that were occurring in my 40’s.

I am today in my 50’s - acknowledging who I am because of the woman I was yesterday, that is leading me to forward and become the woman I will be tomorrow.’

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I

am proud of being a woman, who addresses openly an aspect of life that many find uncomfortable – death. Death is a wonderous thing, just as birth is.

I do not celebrate in death, however, I respect that it is the life cycle that can change how we perceive each moment in life.

My personal experience with death was one that I could not find anywhere else in modern times. I haven’t met anyone, aside from my siblings and family who have lived to tell their story of one much like mine. I am sharing a fragment of myself in this area of my personal life experience, in a this very short article, in hope that it may touch another’s life. My hope that it may fill your moments of being unheard, unloved, unsafe and alone - with instead feeling a sense of belonging in an inclusive life club, made up of magnificent girls who became women through the fortuitous happening of death that shaped their lives.

Writing and re-writing this piece has been challenging for me to condense, as I have so much to contribute in this area. I write and speak unashamedly about this aspect of life because it comes naturally to me – I sat no exam, nor learnt from the finest academic scholars in the globe. I woke one morning, kissed my mother, father and brother for what was then the last time.

At the age of 14 years old, my life as I knew it then, from the eyes of an innocent teen revolted and began to metamorphose into one that I was not prepared for – after all, which child and young person will be, right?

Life was more than wonderful for me, I am today and was then – the eldest of four children whom literally in a matter of hours became orphaned.

From that hour that changed my life as I knew it – we now went from being a family of six to that of

three. I was extremely loved, I was always safe, I was heard and never felt lonely in the safe haven of my family’s comfort. I was free to be me – the curious, outspoken, creative and intelligent girl. Ironically, all those attributes that were once celebrated became the very things that spiralled the opposite direction from that moment death made its presence seen and felt.

I understand this may not be welcomed by all, and one that most individuals shun away. Nevertheless, after over three decades of having death come and take – I today learn from it and make more out of myself as an individual than ever. Today I have become the woman that was suppressed from the moment I became a teen orphan – that young child never left from me. Yes, life is very different for me in comparison to those that my peers have today.

What many don’t understand is the child that was forgotten and cast aside became a woman with emotions and struggled in areas of life that my peers haven’t.

Those simple moments of sharing family celebrations, holidays, quality time together over a meal and even sharing a moment of laughter and to watch my parents hold their grandchildren – I missed out on all that. As a result, I am what is clinically described as experiencing acute PTSD. Yes, after a lifetime of remaining silent with my emotions and being on the receiving end of a magnitude of diverse abuse, I am experiencing the elastic band effect. I have been pulled and probed in so many ways in life that I simply cannot be stretched any farther – otherwise, I may break. Today, I have an alternative view in this area, I was never broken – I was grieving.

How do I deal with these emotions today? Each day is very different from the previous. Yesterday, I was curled up in my warm bed and felt numb and immobile. As a women of 52 years old – or young, I am

About the Writer In 1984 at the age of 14 years old, Rosa Carrafa became orphaned, losing 6 members of her family in one road accident. This life event was the beginning of learning about loss in love, death and the process of grief. As a sole parent of sons, she has gone through life wondering what life would have been like if things were different. Learning to embrace the woman she is today through surviving grief, and menopause without her mother, was an emotional time. All the physical and emotional challenges were experienced with trauma. Rosa has learnt to have a relationship with the woman she has become. As a woman in her 50’s, she is living her passion of being a creative writer, poet, artist, and advocate in the community. https://rosacarrafapublishing.com.au/

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now in my next mysterious cycle of womanhood. I survived the wars of menopause and grieve not only my youth, but the unknowing of how my mother, who was only 35 years old would have experienced this change in her life. The unknowing is overwhelming on my better days, but, oh so tormenting on my days of wanting to be still and hide from the day.

Being an orphan adult is just as lonely as being the orphaned teen that was 2 years in of cycle of womanhood. I remember my mother explaining her best as why my body has changed and in the most conservative way, even mentioned how doing certain activities may be compromised. Well, she was right – of course. I couldn’t live my life without her. That was the very life activity that became compromised. Not my ability to play sport, neither my attending parties nor dancing all night, her – she was compromised in my life. I wanted to ask her so many questions about being a woman as experienced romantic

relationships in my 20’s and then being a mother in my 30’s. She wasn’t there to share with me how my woman cycle would affect my emotions it began to diminish and work backwards – perimenopause in my 40’s was just as uncomfortable as the first years of beginning my menstrual cycle in my teens. I was instead, left to my own recourses and read about my changes and listen to then engage in conversations with other women – I learnt about my body through others.

‘Death came into my life at the age of 14 years old and it has taught me that it cannot be avoided.

Death resembles that unexpected person that I have been avoiding.

Death is the partner to Life.

If it wasn’t for Death, I wouldn’t be the orphan adult woman I am today.’

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Image Credit: Matt Houston

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FESTIVE FASHION

Police BY NIKKI HIND

A

s we all venture back out into the social world this Festive Season, after some of the longest periods of lockdown and isolation in global history, what will we be wearing ? Have we lost our style confidence ? Have we redefined how and why we wear what we wear ? Do we even remember how to put anything other than tracky pants on ? Or are we BUSTING to breakout the party shoes and dresses !?

Fashion Guards would be posted outside the gates of cities to check that people were not dressing ABOVE their social station, or against the Rules Of Apparel. The punishment was marching the person through the streets with their clothes torn and dragging behind them - ripping their unearned status literally off their body.

Regardless of what you choose to step-out in this Festive Season, take a moment to reflect on the joy and hard-fought privilege of having that choice.

For the majority of fashion’s history, there were very strict rules, especially for women; and there were very serious consequences for breaking those rules.

Richard Thompson Ford, is a Professor at Stanford Law School and author of ‘Dress Codes’; an historical look at the real Fashion Police.

These Rules Of Apparel were used in reverse by Royalty and the aristocracy, in a practice called ‘Class Cross Dressing’. … No, this is not where the term ‘Queen’ came from ! The rules of fashion were so adhered to, that you could take a break from the constraints and responsibilities of your station or class, simply by casting off your station’s clothes for a little while; and dressing as far below your station as required for suitable recouperation – Henry the 8th did it regularly.

In the book he talks to the fact that, historically we were much more comfortable with the idea that clothing and fashion matters. Society was more likely to be explicit in the significance of clothing - it clearly and legally defined sex, age, marital status, social position, power, political status and religion.

In the late 1800’s the US had laws that prohibited African Americans and slaves from dressing above their station. The law permitted any white citizen to publicly remove (and keep) the clothing of any black person or slave that they considered to be dressed above their station.

In Tudor England, Queen Elizabeth decreed that

As recently as the 1980s, African American women

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starting filing law suits against employers who enforced dress codes denying their right to wear their hair in traditional styles. The Crown Act was established in response, prohibiting dress codes from using cultural hairstyles to discriminate.

Historically, women have borne the brunt of socially controlling Rules Of Apparel. For 100s of years they were successfully used both implicitly and explicitly to keep women subordinate and reliant on men – such as clothing that: restricted women from lifting their arms above a certain height, were difficult to bend or lie down in, and generally severely restricted the physical activity of women.

Ford states that from the late Middle Ages, women’s movement, bodies and liberty have been intensely regulated through the rules of fashion; “they are expected to be decorative, but also modest – appropriately decorative to express femineity, but not so much as to be a seductress.”

There was exciting, shocking and significant progress for women’s agency in fashion in the 1920s, with the Flapper Era. Coco Chanel was instrumental in redefining what was ‘sexy’ and revolutionising the female silhouette. Coco Chanel was not only, of course, female, she was also very poor; and in fact spent the later part of her childhood in an orphanage. Repressed by the class distinction of her orphanage uniform, she was bitterly aware of the oppressive rules of fashion; and was driven to break them down and redefine them in her own image.

Coco established the modern, fashionable woman as strong minded, physically capable, practical, daring and even worse – independent ! The Flapper style was all about streamlined, less constrictive designs, with flat shoes and short hair.

The relationship between women and high heels is undeniable and complex. Both the practical and fashionable origins of high heels are masculine.

13th Century Mongolian horsemen were the first to wear them, for practical reasons – keeping their feet from sliding out of their stirrups. In the 16th century male European aristocrats and royalty adopted the high heel to give them a virile and masculine edge.

Women and lower-class men were legally forbidden to wear them. Women had to fight for their right to wear the Almighty Heel; which they cleverly did under the guise of needing to keep the bottom of their ridiculously cumbersome hooped dresses clean – men were up for that, its not like the women could do much social damage in those huge, heavy dresses !

Women took the high heel and ran with it ! High heels gave women some of that impressive masculine physical stature and confidence; eventually morphing into an almost necessary symbol of feminine sensuality.

However, 100s of years later, women were now fighting dress codes that legally enforced the wearing of high heels for many female employees.

Fast forward to women’s present-day relationship with high heels and we are seeing a backlash against the great symbol of feminine sensuality. At a recent international tech conference, a woman who wore high heels had someone take a photo of her, and post it on twitter with – “WTF ! #nobrainsrequired.

Image: Nikki Hind

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We live in a time of incredible freedom to wear what we want, when we want, where want. With all this freedom, it’s very easy to minimize the personal

and social importance of fashion. Ford adamantly defends the importance of fashion: “The way that attire and self-presentation matters is not trivial, it’s not frivolous – it’s the story of modernity, the story of liberal individualism – this is really the engine of fashion, it’s what all these laws were fighting against … and they always lost, and fashion always won ! To think that fashion doesn’t matter, is to think that individual personality doesn’t matter and the way we understand ourselves as distinct individuals is trivial.”

We should treasure our fashion freedom and understand how best to use it.

In her TEDx talk, titled, ‘Dressing for confidence and joy’, UK Stylist, Stasia Savasuk talks about the power of ‘Inside out congruency’. Stasia’s lightbulb moment was when her, increasingly insecure, depressed, 12 year old daughter, Raisa, won the battle to literally change her pants.

When Raisa was born with a disability, Stasia had sworn that her beautiful little daughter would never

feel ‘different’, never have to suffer exclusion because her disability made her look different from the other kids. So Stasia dressed her little girl in the best of the best, gorgeous little girl clothes. At 12 years old, Raisa, put her foot down, and enlisting backup from the shop assistant, she secured the pants, shirt and tie she so desperately wanted.

The moment she got home Raisa put her new pants, shirt and tie on. It changed her and her mum’s world – “Look how handsome I look mummy!”, she bubbled. Then she ran and jumped, saying, “Look how much faster I can run, and how much higher I jump now!”

In her desperation to ensure her little girl didn’t look or feel different to the other kids, she had inadvertently stifled Raisa’s spirit; and now she could not believe the power that changing her clothes had on her daughter’s psychology.

Stasia now heads her own Style School in the UK, where she teaches the importance of ‘inside out congruency’. In defining inside out congruency, she quotes poet and philosopher, John O’Donohue:

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“there is a place in you that has never been wounded, where there is still a sureness in you, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there’s a confidence and tranquillity in you.”

“That is where you go”, Stasia says. “If you can connect with that part of you and define it, then you can answer the question – who am I ? And then imagine going to your closest and only choosing clothes that connect you to that ‘Youness’. Just think of the power that you possess underneath everybody’s’ expectations of who THEY think you should be. Style isn’t really about the clothes. It’s about who you are on the inside and how you choose to show up in the world.”

Stasia’s and Professor Richard Ford’s philosophies of fashion are strikingly similar, and reminiscent of Greek philosopher, Epictetus - “Know first thyself, and then adorn yourself accordingly” So, this year, as you slip into your Festive Best, don’t take it for granted; revel in the experience and exude some ‘Joy To The World’ !

Image: Lauren Di Bartolo | Founder and Director Australian Style Institute

About the Writer Nikki Hind, WB40’s Fashion Editor is the founder of fashion label Blind Grit, and is an Inclusion and Diversity Media Adviser, with a passion for inclusion in fashion. Nikki is Australia’s first blind fashion designer, and has a background in PR, communications and event management. www.blindgrit.com 62

Making Christmas a

little brigsehter for tho in need

Put together a bag for a woman in need, filled with essentials, to donate at any Bunnings from 19 - 28 November 2021

IN THE BAG: ✓ period produc ts ✓ toothbrush ✓ toothpaste ✓ roll-on deodorant ✓ soap/body wash ✓ shampoo ✓ conditioner

(all new and unused)

#ITSINTHE Bag sharethedignity.org.au

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She Endeavours Festive gift guide Please support these female owned businesses during the holiday season and when buying presents!

Feed.Grow.Play Feed Grow Play is a family owned and operated business. I’m a mum to two beautiful young children. Feed Grow Play is inspired by my children and I want to encourage and show them that with compassion, support, love & commitment and show them that anything is possible!

I understand how busy Mums, Dads, Grandparents and Carers can be & how challenging it can be keeping up with the latest modern trends. My goal is to provide every family with affordable modern, eco-friendly and sustainable products for your growing babies and toddlers.

https://www.feedgrowplay.com.au

Happy Pause HappyPause is not about making menopause disappear, it is about easing vaginal dryness to help us get our groove back. My hope is that HappyPause proves beneficial to you, too. It is gentle and eases discomfort. The blend of the really good stuff, ie ethically sourced Direct Micro Expelled hand pressed coconut oil, with additional plant derived natural ingredients to seal in moisture mean your intimates are soothed with no preservatives or nasties.

HappyPause has a lasting effect with no icky residue.

Vegan Australian certified.

A portion of every HappyPause purchase is donated to The Period Project. https//happypause.com.au

After being diagnosed with cancer over 2 years ago, and experiencing constant overheating throughout chemotherapy, Tara Lock started sourcing and testing over 30 different cooling fabrics before perfecting and bringing the Chilly Towel to life in 2015.

Initially sourcing a towel that would keep her cool after the gym, she discovered this product can assist people for various reasons from overheating; fevers, hot flushes, medical conditions, bad circulation, menopause and sports & heat stress.

Due to the unique hyper-evaporative fibres in the Chilly Towel, this unique towel becomes cooler than ambient air when wet, which enables the towel to maintain a temperature that feels cool to the skin. The fibres retain water, which provides cooling relief while staying dry to touch for hours. https://chillytowel.com.au/

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She Endeavours Karmaura Creations I found my passion for creating candles when I was living in a small town in Far North Queensland. I’ve always found that different scents made me feel different ways, for example, the smell of rain or ocean is grounding, the smell of vanilla or cinnamon is warming.

By Ali Marie I live on Darkinjung Country, Central Coast NSW, on the water between the bush and beach.My work is inspired by my natural surroundings, and an abundance of bird life and strong creative women.

I started creating during lockdown 2020. I quit my government job at the end of the year to focus on my health, I was diagnosed with a rare genetic brain condition that requires surgery that I’m hoping to avoid. Art is mental and physical therapy for me, and my passion.

My commissions are inspired by the personal quirks, in-jokes, and guilty pleasures of my clients. My work includes tokens, talismans and secrets hidden in plain sight.My pieces encourage you to seek and find delight in your unique and quirky joys.

It was then that I founded Karmaura Creations with the intent to make others feel certain emotions and make their house smell divine while doing so. All candles/melts are made with soy wax candles and are completely vegan friendly.

They have a long burn time and are made with pure oils to bring you nothing but a perfect burn. l @karmauracreations

Every work features ink doodles in some way, and as much colour as I can find, with a small blank space because your weird is never finished. www.byalimarie.com Insta @byalimarie

Beespoke Stitches Creative Custom Cross stitches.

These whimsical cross stitches are personalised by Melbourne based artist Bee Timperley.

Prices start at $20.00 www.etsy.com/au/shop/ BeespokeStitches?ref=ss_profile Instagram @beespokestitches

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She Endeavours

Me Time. Just for Me Sue Brabender is the Founder and Head Me Timer at Me Time. Just For Me. Her passion is to encourage and educate you to stop, take a breathe and have some Me Time. She does this through a luxe range of products including apparel, candles, journals, gift boxes and much more..

Metimejustforme.com

Fierce.One In an ever evolving world, stresses of daily life can turn into anxiety and negative self talk. FIERCE ONE was born to build us up, turn that frown upside down.

These mischievous messages are as sassy as they are wise and help you to see life in a brighter light.

Flaming Flamingo I was always on the lookout for a better, stronger, longer lasting and more fragrant candle. I started to think about what was in the candles I was buying. I realised I could make a cleaner, more natural candle that’s better for my family and for the environment but still had a gorgeous, strong long lasting scent.

That’s when I decided to make 100% eco soy candles myself. After months and months of testing fragrances, wicks and waxes, and creating our very own signature scented candles, Flaming Flamingo Candles was born.

That’s when I decided to make 100% eco soy candles myself. After months and months of testing fragrances, wicks and waxes, and creating our very own signature scented candles, Flaming Flamingo Candles was born. https://flamingflamingo.com.au

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We are unapologetic in our approach to messaging, sometimes powerful and sometimes very cheeky!

Wear it subtly or bold, we will help you rise up and bring a positive mantra to your life https://www.fierce.one/

She Endeavours Be Oil’d Luxury Body Oil After many years of experimenting, Janine Brundle created her own honest, natural, oil based, skin care formula and what she believes is the perfect blend of 100% Organic Natural Oils and Essential Oils, infused with 23kt Gold. Be Oil’d is 100% Australian made from 100% Australian Organic Oils – and the very best ingredients without any toxic additives.

Be Oil’d has ZERO chemicals, perfumes, parabens, or hormone disrupters, glycerine, preservatives, colours, flavours, additives, thinners, stabilisers and NO added water. Feel luxurious and enjoy having heathy, vibrant, glowing, soft, supple skin without any nasty chemicals. From $29.95 https://beoild.com/

Harper & Wick It’s all about the small steps towards living as sustainably as we can. One candle won’t fix darkness but it’s a start - it’s all about those small steps towards fixing the larger problem. As a small, female founded, owned and operated Aussie start up, Harper & Wick was founded on the cornerstone of living as waste-free as possible. All of our candles are lovingly handmade and designed to be as eco-friendly and as sustainable as possible. They are handcrafted from 100% natural soy wax, which is biodegradable and palm oil free, and contain fragrance oils that are non-toxic and palm oil free. We use limited packaging in an attempt to minimise unnecessary waste and our Eco range is contained in sustainable glass jars that we encourage to be reused or recycled. A reusable glass jar won’t make a significant change but it’s at least a conscious step in the direction of ending single-use items. www.harperandwick.com

Intentional Colouring Books Cass is an artist and illustrator who has created her intentional colouring book for self-care. It is an A4 book with 12 of my original intricate mandalas, each paired with a positive affirmation about self-love. The idea is to reflect and repeat the affirmation while colouring which will help the user enter a deep state of mediation and relaxation. The repetition of the affirmations gives the words suggestive strength, the colouring reduces anxiety and stress and the mandalas are structured enough to keep attention but do not require active thought. The book comes with an introduction about myself and why I created it and an instructional page. I created this book for women who may be in need of a little self-care but don’t know where or how to start. I suffered from PND and PNA after the birth of my first child and drawing was the only thing that got me through, so I wanted to share my story and help others.

It is printed on 100% recycled paper here in Australia. The books retail at $22.00 www.violetbeeline.com

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She Endeavours

ES Fit Our ethos at ES Fit centres around uplifting and emboldening women to live their most courageous, genuine, strong, exciting, and healthy lives; and to share that with those around them. We are about empowering and creating strength through support and togetherness. We have created products that we feel will empower you to train at your best, whilst looking your best! #powerfultogether www.esfit.com.au/

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inchargebox ® is the world’s first lockable tech charging station here to help you: ¤ Create healthy screen time boundaries and keep devices out of the bedrooms at night. ¤ Declutter the tech, charging and storing it all in one stylish lockable box. ¤ Charge your tech in one location with 6 or 12 USB charging ports. Perfect for smartphones, tablets, gaming remotes, smart watches and 13 inch laptops. ¤ Enjoy family time without a screen in hand. ¤ Take time to relax away from the social media scroll to enjoy more of the screen free moments of life. www.inchargebox.com.au

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My Rituals My Rituals inspires you to embrace rituals every day to create space for love, connection, creativity and health to flourish. Every My Rituals product is designed to provide the foundations for a conscious, deliberate and joyful lifestyle. Our skin and hair care range uses natural ingredients and essential oils to turn your humble routines into a thoughtful and sacred ritual. These tools paired with our handselected drink bottles, yoga mats and journals, which are designed to help you create the perfect self-care ritual. By selecting your first My Rituals products, you are already on the way to discovering a meaningful and sacred way of life. www.myrituals.com.au

She Endeavours

Paper is one of the most extraordinary mediums to work with. We primarily work with fine & handmade paper which is most malleable and decadent to work with.

The colour palette is endless, and the size is limitless, as you can play with scale.

We once had to work with tweezers to fold minuscule flowers for a petite flower crown.

Check our shop for Paper wearables for Christmas parties, weddings or the races!

h tt p s : //www. pa p e l pa p e r. com/

Oak and Wonder Jody Rolph creates Statement handmade Macrame earrings and accessories made with 100% recycled cotton alongside unique wall artworks bringing colour and joy to the bohemian soul and home. www.oakandwonder.com

Leadership Wisdom Cards Mel Robinson is a business coach and academic teacher who over two decades has helped many people uncover their purpose and live fulfilled lives The Leadership Wisdom Cards are designed to help everyone access their inner knowing. Simple messages on each card can be a daily reminder or select a card to receive guidance for a particular situation. Keep them on your desk, next to your bed or anywhere you might need a nudge towards your true path. $24.95 www.melrobinson.com.au

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70

Why women’s health is suffering

and what we can do about it

BY DANIELLE DOBSON

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Parental burnout. Exhaustion. Anxiety.

In this pandemic time, women’s health is suffering, and it is the ideal time to shine a light on the pressures and stereotypes within society that are underpinning this women’s health crisis.

The Gender Code - that set of beliefs that tells us men are naturally providers, and women are naturally carers - means women are so busy setting up others for success, that their own health is not a priority. Women are stretched emotionally, mentally, financially - as they try to put the needs of everyone around them first, and to do more, with less.

And the COVID-19 pandemic has only amplified this issue, with a global study by Deloitte finding that 23% of women are considering leaving the workforce due to the pandemic, 77% of women have had an increased workload due to the pandemic, and 66% said they bear the greatest responsibility for household tasks.

Get curious about how the Gender Code – stereotyping - is playing out in your life right now. In your family, workplace, community and in you. Often we’re so used to accepting the status quo, we forget to question it.

Think about the impact it’s having on you and your important people and if you want to make changes.

Decide what you value and want to stay the same, what you need to let go of and what new thoughts, practices and habits you need to start.

5 wellbeing strategies for Women’s Health Week: 1.

2.

This has combined to create a perfect storm for women’s health.

So, what’s the solution?

3.

The unwritten Gender Code means, women take on as much as 77% of unpaid labour, in-line with the belief that women should be the carers, and should be putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

4.

To create real change, we need to break the Gender Code across society, our workplaces, communities and individuals, and rethink the beliefs we hold about men and women, and our roles in families and the workforce.

Until we address the root cause of the problem, real change and transformation will continue to struggle.

It’s like putting plaster on a broken arm without resetting it, and expecting it to heal. We need to reset in order to heal properly.

Tips for breaking the Gender Code:

5.

Be accepting of your situation and context. Knowing that acceptance doesn’t mean approval and things can and will change. Then you can redirect the energy you use fighting reality toward managing it with a clearer head and heart.

Work out what is most important to you. Is it your family, work, community, a passion project, wellbeing? Or maybe it’s more about values – freedom, growth, connection. Put what’s most important at the centre of all you do and use it as a guide (like an internal compass) for decision making.

Play to your strengths and do YOU your way. Think about how you operate and perform at your best.

Embed practices, rituals and behaviours into your day in a way that’s sustainable for you rather than using the strategies and tips that work for others.

Have the crucial conversations. The first and most important one is with yourself. What are you putting up with at your own expense? What is working well and can be leveraged? What isn’t working so well and needs changing or modifying? When you’re clear on this, you feel more empowered to have the crucial conversations with your important people.

Do a support review. Think about all the people in your personal and professional network and how you contribute to setting them up for success and how good it makes you feel! Leverage your network, ask for support and help THEM feel good in the process.

About the Writer Danielle Dobson is an author, speaker, coach and advocate, on a mission to break the Gender Code - that code of beliefs we hold as a society that says women are carers, and men are providers, and we are intrinsically different.

Find out more about Danielle and her book, Breaking the Gender Code, at: https://www.codeconversations.com.au

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The Good Girl Confessional Podcast

wb40.com @thegoodgirlconfessional facebook.com/GoodGirlConfessional The Good Girl Confessional Podcast 74

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A few years ago, I went from being a very horny, lust-ful ‘wench’ to someone who had virtually shut up shop on their sexuality. I once thrived on being a hot blooded woman...

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