Why you need to become a half arsed parent

BY SUSIE OBRIEN

When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, kids were free-range, like the underarm hair.

Back then, we knew less, we cared less, we did less. We didn’t have play dates, we played with all the kids in the neighbourhood. We rode home when it got dark, not forgetting to grab some smokes for our parents from the shops on the way.

Over the next few decades, mums and dads forgot about freedom and fun and the need to raise kids that are strong and resilient.

And they forgot to relax and enjoy parenting.

As a working mother of three kids and two stepkids, I know what it’s like to feel stressed, guilty and over-stretched.

We love our kids – it’s parenting we have a problem with. We’ve become so wrapped up in our children’s lives that we forget to have lives of our own.

It wasn’t like that when I was young. My dad had better things to do than live his life through me and my sister - like wearing budgie smugglers as daywear and cementing things into the ground.

I also can’t imagine my mum putting love notes in my lunchbox, capturing every sporting disappointment on camera or giving me veggies fanned out like a rainbow for dinner like parents are expected to do today.

Nor would my parents feel guilty for doing things I do, like skipping pages of my kids’ readers so I can get them to bed faster or getting take-away for dinner again. Oh, and using the clothes dryer when it’s sunny and pretending I’m working when I’m really watching Bridgerton on my laptop. (Told you I’ve got lots of guilt.)

It’s time to do things differently and embrace a half-arsed approach.

We need to stop being helicopter parents and become half-arsed parents.

Half-arsed parenting is about doing half as much and knowing it is still more than enough. It’s not

Here are some half-arsed secrets to get you started.

Drop your standards

Half-arsed parenting is about getting back to basics. Whatever happened to toasted sandwiches for dinner? Buying birthday cakes instead of baking them? Making meals with what you’ve got, not what you buy from the biodynamic organic market? Half-arsed parents know that when it comes to raising kids, you don’t have to be perfect. Know your limits and set the bar low enough so you succeed. It’s okay that your child’s first word was Bluey or Elsa rather than Mama or Dadda. No one else cares, and nor should you.

Ignore #fakecelebrities

Celebrities pretending to be perfect are faking it. They spend their days posting inspirational phrases like ‘Be the best you #glow, #bless’ but only get out of bed thanks to a generous slug of vodka in their green goddess breakfast smoothie. (I am not green or a goddess. I once tried to drink hot water with lemon and it looked like a giant cup of wee.)

Ditch the guilt

Parents juggling demanding jobs guilt themselves into feeling they should spend more hands-on time with their children. The answer is not to do less socialising or less paid work but to do less parenting. Let kids ride their bikes to school, build their own Lego creations and make their own dinner. Even better, let them make you dinner. Even a ten-yearThe kids will be fine

Half- arsed parents know the kids will be all right, like they always are. What’s important is that mums and dads are all right too. Half-arsed parenting is about doing what you can, not doing as much as you can to impress others who don’t care. There’s a reason why third and fourth children are often more resilient – they have to be. When my third child was young, I only paid full attention to him when he was screaming or bleeding.

Step back and let go

Half-arsed parents also don’t assess their own success through their children’s attainments.

And they don’t feel the need to be overly invested in every aspect of their kids’ lives. They refuse to attend every sporting match, manipulate every friendship and orchestrate all aspects of their children’s school life. It’s time to step back, say no and walk away from the parenting rat-race.

Remember…

Becoming a Half-Arsed parent means ignore all the unrealistic goals and expectations thrust on us. Parents don’t need more thrusting: it’s how we got into this mess in the first place.

The Secret of Half-Arsed Parenting

By Susie O’Brien

Murdoch Books

About the Writer

Dr Susie O’Brien is a journalist and columnist with a PhD in Education. For the last 19 years she has written about parenting and social issues for the Herald Sun and other newspapers, and she appears weekly on Channel Seven’s Sunrise. She and her partner have five kids between them - they’re the Brady Bunch, without Alice to cook dinner every night. Claire Wenn is a Balwyn North working mother-of-three and a successful real estate agent. Claire has three boys aged 19, 17 and 14 and over the years she’s made thousands of lunches, washed thousands of socks and made thousands of dinners. She loves her sons more than teenage boys love Lynx Africa body spray, but would love them to clean up after themselves once in a while...

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Sandra Reynolds

Ready to celebrate at the end of this year with family and friends? Me too, for one compelling reason – at long last it seems we will be able to gather our nearest and put a full stop to a hellish and topsy-turvy year.

For me this means catching up with my children who both live interstate, and who I haven’t seen in more than 15 months. I haven’t seen Mum for almost a year. While Mum especially loves nothing more than a full traditional sit-down meal, I much prefer the great Australian tradition of salads and cold food and a meal that generally lasts from lunch time to late evening, with various forays into the food as my strength permits.

This being perhaps a more meaningful occasion than in recent years, I want to spend as much time as possible catching up and minimal time in the kitchen.

While all of the recipes that follows are spectacular, most can be done ahead, with nothing more required than to assemble it all on the day. Her Love of food

About the Writer

Sandra Reynolds is a Melbourne based Cookbook Author, award-winning blogger, columnist and recipe queen who is the Founder of the $120 Food Challenge. Sandra has published over 1300 nutritious, low-cost and family-friendly recipes for her platform The $120 Food Challenge. Sandra’s passion is sharing her love of food with others.

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