Tutum Journal | Issue 3 | Fall 2021 | For & By Childless Women

TUTUM A Dwelling Place for Childless Women For Every Season

fall 2021 • issue 3 • purpose

Journal

5 Ways To Embrace Your

Life Purpose Discovering Your

SIMONE

EDWARDS Exclusive The beloved WNBA Champion on battling cancer & finding new purpose

Divine Superpowers Know The Signs Of

Ovarian Cancer The Impact Of

World Childless Week tutumjournal.com www.tutumjournal.com 1

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5 Ways To Embrace Your Life Purpose

Cover Photo: STEVE STROTHER

CONTENTS

Transformational coach Jan Bowen shares the steps towards living a life of purpose.

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There Is A Blessing In The Lesson

Blogger Fatima Lathan explains her great awakening from the pits of grief to peace.

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Living Your Purpose

Life purpose/transition coach Naomi Geidel describes the soul-searching work of discovering purpose.

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

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The Difference Between Passion And Purpose

Cover Story

Transformational coach Jan Bowen discusses passion, purpose, and the path between.

Page 14

The Journey To Discovering Your Divine Superpowers Four childless leaders talk about their higher calling, superpowers, and explore inspiring insights into their exciting journeys.

WNBA Champion Simone Edwards talks basketball, cancer, and recovery.

By Jobi Tyson

in every issue Page 4

CONTRIBUTORS Page 5

Page 18

My Purposeful Life With Social Infertility Psychologist Adriana Castro shares her silent anguish of social infertility.

EDITOR’S LETTER Page 5

THE TUTUM SURVEY

Page 20

Readers reveal what they think about key subjects relevant to the childless community.

The Childless Wanderer

Page 22

Traveler and blogger Penny Rabarts brings us along to her curious world adventures.

Page 38

The Blossom Of The Journey Celebrity fashion designer Raxann Chin discusses finding the confidence to turn her wounds into success.

GAME CHANGER Spotlighting the achievements and journeys of childless/childfree women.

Page 30

MEDICAL AWAKENING Examines medical conditions and relevant information of interest to childless/childfree women.

Page 40

Page 32

The Life Purpose Quiz

NAVIGATING AGING

Twenty life-affirming questions to discover how far you need to dig to reclaim your purpose.

Exploring topics, gaining new perspectives, advice, and relevant information associated with women aging without children.

Page 42

Discover Your Life Purpose Worksheet A blueprint to gain a clearer understanding of your life purpose.

Page 36

BUILDING BRIDGES

An interview column to create dialogue between childless/childfree women and industry experts.

VOLUME 1, ISSUE 3, Tutum Journal™ (ISSN 2766-9580) is published quarterly by Tutum Global. For more information about Tutum Journal, please visit us at www.tutumjournal.com, or email us at info@tutumjournal.com. www.tutumjournal.com

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FOUNDER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Jobi Tyson

EDITORIAL Charlie Bishop Anita Henderson Brandi Lytle

CONTRIBUTORS Jan Bowen Adriana Castro Raxann Chin Andrea Clement Naomi Geidel Fatima Lathan Penny Rabarts National Ovarian Cancer Coalition

© 2021 Tutum Global. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in part, or in whole, without prior written permission, excepting brief quotations in connection with reviews written specifically for inclusion in magazines, newspapers, blogs, or limited excerpts strictly for personal use. Designed in the U.S.A.

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EDITOR'S LETTER + FEEDBACK A Well-Lived Life of Purpose

What is your purpose in life?

Why do you exist?

What are you trying to achieve in life?

What are your goals?

What is your vision?

I ask these questions frequently to childless women throughout the world and many of them are uncertain about their answers. Some are wandering through life hoping to find purpose, but wandering just the same.

Why do people wander? They let busyness take over their lives. They tend to confuse hard work with purpose.

I have learned that there are an infinite number of possibilities for living a well-lived life of purpose. One of the biggest components of a well-lived life — other than a profound appreciation of life — is doing something that feels meaningful. For me, that usually means helping others with something that is meaningful to them.

Photo: JUSTIN BOWENS

Here’s an important statement for you to complete.

I __________________________, exist for the purpose of serving others by _______________ _____________________________________________________________________________________.

If you can serve others, make their lives better in some small way (or a big way)… it feels incredibly meaningful. If you can hit on something like that, that feels meaningful… then a well-lived life becomes simple. It’s simple, but not always easy; and that makes it even richer.

When answering your heart’s calling, whatever it is, start before you feel ready. There will be signs, synchronicities, teachers, or messages in dreams, to guide you, to help you follow the way, like breadcrumbs into an unknown forest.

Each moment of every day, when you choose to embody your true Divine Light, you are living your life purpose. The truth is living a purpose-filled life is about living a life filled with hope and significance. There is a proverb that basically says, “Without vision the people perish.” How about if we make this a transformational season of purpose rather than a season of wandering? You don’t have a life purpose; you are your life purpose.

Instagram: @tutumjournal @childlesswomen Facebook: Facebook.com/childlesswomen YouTube: YouTube.com/childlesswomen

TUTUM SURVEY

WHAT YOU TOLD US To carefully curate each issue’s theme to support and strengthen the mental well-being of involuntarily childless women, we took Instagram polls using question-wording: Do you firmly believe that everyone has a purpose with or without children?

92% Yes

8% No

I feel like I make a difference in the world.

71% Yes

29% No www.tutumjournal.com

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WAYS TO EMBRACE

YOUR LIFE

PURPOSE

BY JAN BOWEN

Take action now.

Do you spend time thinking about how much effort you put into your day or life, and stressing about the potential impact your effort did or didn’t have? Do the topics of life purpose and passion simultaneously inspire and terrify you?

Stop stressing! The irony of life purpose is that everyone is living a life of purpose. By the nature of putting an effort into taking action to step out of bed in the morning, you’ve already made a difference.

The distinction of the grand words “living your purpose” and just living life is about the deliberation and intention of your actions.

This is where you ask yourself — are the actions you’re taking leading you toward the life you want to live?

You create your life automatically through your behaviors. When you operate on autopilot, you subconsciously and unconsciously design your life. The key to empowering yourself and feeling like you’re making a difference comes when you can clearly communicate what you stand for and what you live for — and then put some muscle into taking the necessary actions to manifest that.

Pay attention to your current actions and look for clues that they are intentional and on target. If not, it’s time to focus on clearly articulating your goals. Once you do, the newfound command you’ll have over your days will empower and lead to more confidence and energy!

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Here are five ways to clue in and power up your intentional actions:

1.

Think of your purpose as a way of being rather than doing.

For example, if “teaching” is your purpose in life, there are countless ways to teach. However, if you narrow your definition and consider yourself “a teacher” you’ve automatically limited your possibilities.

Evaluating yourself on who you are — your core values, effort, and beliefs — automatically elevates your self-esteem and frees you to live life as it evolves. By not being rigidly attached to one outcome, you guarantee success because you measure it by values and principles.

2.

Watch yourself and what you do with your time.

Pay attention to what you instinctively like to do, are curious about, and what feels effortless to you. What do you lose time doing, or do for others regardless of whether or not you are paid? Being in the “zone” or state of flow is an expanded state of consciousness that we reach when our body, mind and unconscious is interconnected. Those are clues to what you are meant to do in life.

3.

Listen to what everyone else is saying.

Others can be a wonderful mirror showing you what you forgot you are good at. It can be easy to forget because it comes so naturally to you. Ask around — what do your friends, family, and colleagues think you can do effortlessly?

Yep, another clue.

4.

Think about the activities and interests you had when you were young.

Consider where your interests and activities are represented in your life today. For example, did you come home from school and set up another “classroom” in your home, only to find today that you are coaching others? Look for patterns, no matter how tenuous they may seem.

5.

Feel it in your gut.

Always pay attention to how an activity makes you feel. Your body is a built-in guidance system to truth. If you think something sounds like the best idea ever, but your stomach and head scream, “NO!” You’d better listen.

Connect the dots. Life isn’t a literal road map. It’s filled with metaphors. Look at the clues you’ve accumulated and connect the dots. Pay attention to what makes sense for you.

Remember, you’re already living your purpose by contributing in your own unique way.

To other people, you are probably fabulously successful at whatever you’re doing. Nevertheless, if you aren’t blissed out in at least a quiet internal way, then you haven’t put words to your purpose. Do that, and power up!

Jan Bowen (@jlbowen13) is an author, speaker, catalyst, and transformational coach, based in the US. www.janlbowen.com

www.tutumjournal.com

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THERE IS A BLESSING

IN THE LESSON

BY FATIMA LATHAN

I

am entering a new phase in my life. I call it being a grown woman; my friends call it maturity. To me, it feels like a great awakening, as if I am being reborn from the pits of grief into peace.

A few weeks ago, I was watching the Mary J. Blige ‘My Life’ documentary and I found myself weeping at midnight instead of being in REM sleep, which is usually where I am at that time of night. But on this night, I couldn't rest. For the first time, I felt seen.

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See, girls like us aren't supposed to dream. We aren't supposed to be great.

We are told from a very young age that we are strong and resilient. We do not cry. No matter what is going on with your life you show up because no one cares. No one believes a Black woman

Somewhere though, life began to win. It began to show me how little anyone cared about Black women, especially single poor ones that had infertility issues. With each year, I leaned more into the “strength and resilience” that Black women are taught are our core values. With each year, I became more bitter and further from the woman I would daydream about as a young girl.

when she says she's tired, exhausted,

As the years stacked up and the seasons began to melt into each

overwhelmed, and weak. Nothing

other, I wasn't sure if I would ever see that little girl from Jerome

solidified this for me more than doctors

Street again.

not believing my pain, until they opened me up for surgery and saw the damage that endometriosis had been doing to me for the previous 14 years of my life.

Watching Mary’s story made me realize how similar every Black woman's story is — how much we fight and show up even when we aren’t recognized. And how we hide our sexual abuse and infertility because Black excellence does not include Black trauma.

We show up every day because we are taught from the beginning to be a strong Black independent woman. And let me tell you, we are tired of living up to expectations we did not create.

I was always the odd girl that lived in the hood because of the way that I talked and carried myself. Early in life, I knew I wasn’t going to follow the

Then one day, she showed up.

I can't tell you the exact moment that led to this but I remember the feeling of being free, of my life lessons building me and not destroying me. Everything that led up to that moment, from sexual assaults to infertility to nearly dying trying to preserve my fertility, was for something bigger than me. I finally began to understand that the hard moments were there for me to learn my feminine power and divine purpose. The pressure of life was creating a diamond, not crushing a soul.

The world was never safe for girls like me. We were always supposed to break under the pressure of the world. We were always told the statistics we could be and never told the influence and impact we could have.

With each day, I realize that I have SOMETHING to offer this world and its people.

I’m here on purpose. Yes, at times, I find life extremely unfair but who is it fair to? Who actually wins and gets out alive? NONE OF US!

path of resilience and strength that my

I still deeply envision marriage and I’m going to start manifesting

elders did. Luckily, growing up I wasn't

that into my life. I’m going to begin praying deeply for the next

the only person of color like this and we

level I desire and begin to prepare for it. I want it all and I can have

banded together.

it all. Infertility truly robbed me of years of joy and made me the

We spent our summers in Austin going to writing camps. We spent our Friday nights under football lights

most angry and bitter person towards anything and everything, because if I had to suffer then everyone around or attached to me should suffer too.

documenting the games, and our days

I’m not sure who I will become at the end of all this. We are all

listening to Journey while writing and

becoming a better version of ourselves daily. I do hope that

daydreaming of the lives we didn't have

whoever is waiting for me at the end of this leveling up is patient,

— but knew we would live one day.

kind, calm, and a helpmate to someone.

I hope she is at peace and relaxed, feminine and vulnerable.

Fatima Lathan (@cystacircle) is a blogger, marketer, and infertility advocate, based in the US. www.tutumjournal.com

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LIVING YOUR

PURPOSE

BY NAOMI GEIDEL

You were made for a purpose on purpose. No one on this earth is here by accident and without a purpose. Part of the journey of life is homing in on what you were created to do. For many of us, our purpose will evolve as we encounter new experiences, advance our skills, and discover new interests. Going through these different seasons of transition can be unsettling at times, yet if we keep our eyes focused on who we are and the purpose for which we were created, we can navigate this journey of life with open hands and a full heart.

When I was going through my deepest depth of grief, due to the reality of being childless, I had to sit with myself each day and go back to the work I did a couple years earlier. I had to remind myself of the soul-searching work I did to discover what I wanted the next season of my life to include. I was finishing my third year living and teaching in Jakarta, Indonesia. I had thought my time in Indonesia would be longer, yet there I found myself knowing the season was coming to an end sooner than expected. I spent months diving deep into who I was. It took every strength, interest, ability, and you name it assessment I could get my hands on. I put all these insights into a journal that I still go back to today as a reminder of who I am, how I’m wired, and what sets my soul on fire.

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During this time, I also took time to dream about how I wanted to live my life day-to-day and over many weeks, months, and years. I wrote down everything in a journal; no detail was too small. I dreamed about my new career and how I wanted to spend my time serving and supporting others. I dreamed about what I wanted my living space and friendship circle to look like. I’m still single so I wrote down my ideal character traits in a spouse. I really got to the core of what I wanted my life to look and feel like and made it as clear as possible on paper.

I then moved back to the US to begin the work of making this dream a reality. And boy oh boy, did it not go according to plan. Two years I tried to make it work in this new city… and then I could no longer. I had the pit in my stomach of financial ruin. I was gaining weight due to increased depression.

I wasn’t making strides in my new business venture, and looking back now, I see that I was just awakening to the deepest, darkest pit of my grief journey.

So, I moved to Bangkok, Thailand. I prayed for a job that would provide the time, energy, and financial means for me to continue building my business.

I should have been more specific and requested it be in the states, but alas, it was an answer… one I realize now was what I needed for this deep grief season.

During this period in Thailand, I sat through the pandemic in deep grief over my childlessness. It was brutal. There were too many days that I didn’t think I was going to make it. All the work I did a couple years before seemed like a waste of time and energy. What good were the dreams when it felt like nothing was coming to fruition? I questioned who I was and whether my creative endeavors were worth continuing to pursue. I didn’t get my spouse and kids as I had planned so who am I to think anything else would be possible.

Yet, in the darkest of days, I would have small glimmers of hope because I had done the soul searching work of knowing who I am and what I bring to the table — with children or not, with a spouse or not. I did the work to dream and create a vision of what’s possible.

When you do have the energy to invest in the soul-searching work of discovering what is possible for this next season, here are some steps to live your purpose: •

The work is done in small steps that will come together.

•

Take the next best step of discovery, then put it into action and see how it fits.

•

Continue to discover, explore, and create a life that inspires you because you’re living a life of purpose using all that you are including the experiences that have shaped you.

Lastly, I encourage you, as you move through your grief journey, to give yourself grace.

Naomi Geidel (@acreativepurpose) is a certified life purpose/transition coach and educator, based in Thailand and serves clients worldwide. www.naomigeidel.com www.tutumjournal.com

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The Difference Between

Passion And Purpose

BY JAN BOWEN

P

assion, purpose, and the path between — what’s the real secret to living a fulfilled life? Do all the questions you hear about purpose and passion lead you farther away from a resolution?

Themes and opinions on the topic vary, leaving speculation to whether they’re the same thing and if they last a lifetime. Do you even really have to know what your purpose is? The concept of following passion was supposed to lead to living our purpose, right?!

So many questions!

Here’s one more: what is your life purpose? Everyone on this planet was born with a specific purpose to live their life. It is different from passion. Yet the two facets of life — purpose and passion — interact with each other in a lovely dance. Together, regardless of the words you use, they will lead to a fulfilled, authentic life — at work and in leisure. Success, by your definition.

What is the difference between passion and purpose?

Both passion and purpose are essential, but here’s the difference:

Purpose is the reason we were put on this earth to live.

Some aspects of purpose include: •

It’s why we get up in the morning.

•

It incorporates our values, strengths, talents, and abilities.

•

With the unique fingerprint that is us, we give back an element of ourself in some aspect of service to others.

Passion is the fuel that drives us.

Its characteristics include: •

Enthusiasm, energy, drive

•

Creativity

•

Inspiration

•

Motivation

Passion can fuel our purpose and serve as a guidepost to figuring it out if we’re unsure. It can even stand in for purpose at times we’re feeling a bit lost — because when we’re in the throes of creative inspiration, it can feel like purpose. It can propel us out of bed in the morning to the exclusion of all else.

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Who cares?

Enter passion

Why should you even care about making the distinction if

When we clue into the aspects of life we feel passionate about, we

passion can get us excited about living and both are important

become aware of what is important to us. Passion then serves as a

for a fulfilled life? Because once you are able to articulate your

signpost to give us clues, working with our gut instincts. It tells us

purpose in life all the pieces fall into place — even the tiniest

clearly which aspects of life have the most significance for our life.

ones. Passion can’t make that happen.

Passion also gives us the motivation and energy that we need

Knowing the reason behind what you do provides an all-

to move forward. When we’re passionate about something, we

encompassing peace of mind and happiness. It soothes anxiety

become enthused and take care of any tasks in order to devote

when daily stress hits and provides a constant path when the

time to our passion. This energy-fueled motivation is also why

inevitable downturns and grief of life occur.

passion is sometimes confused with life purpose.

Life purpose compels, energizes, and motivates us as well. The

How to figure this one out We’ve over-complicated this topic in general. If we live

difference is that passions can be completely self-satisfying.

according to what we love to do, thereby following our

The missing piece

passion, we are inherently moving towards living our purpose

Maybe you already know your purpose and live your passions.

if not already living it.

Does it feel like something’s still missing?

The distinction is that we may not have stated it. Once we can

That missing piece is likely service to others. Until you share your

clearly define what it is we will consciously devote our precious

gifts with the world, you aren’t fully living your purpose. Your light

life’s energy and time to, we’ve opened the door to peace of mind.

is still hiding under a rock until you bring it forward. The world is

If we aren’t able to put it into words yet…

waiting!

Jan Bowen (@jlbowen13) is an author, speaker, catalyst, and transformational coach, based in the US. www.janlbowen.com www.tutumjournal.com

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THE JOURNEY TO DISCOVERING YOUR

DIVINE SUPERPOWERS

BY KATY SEPPI, HELEN LOUISE JONES, CRYSTAL WEBSTER AND KATY DEJONG, AS TOLD TO JOBI TYSON

Meet four extraordinary women who forged different paths but shared visions to provide safe spaces for other childless/childfree women.

“Being vulnerable about my struggles and flaws is what connects me to so many others who can relate to imperfection.”

Authenticity is my superpower. While it's scary to be vulnerable and put myself into the world, it is what allows me to connect with people on a deeper level.

I started Chasing Creation three years ago hoping to connect with others who were childless. It has evolved from me needing individual support to now wanting to create support and resources for the community.

I host a variety of events, including monthly Childless Support Circles. I also hosted a Childless Collective Summit this year and am working to make that an annual event.

Reflecting on my life, I'm most proud of the inner work and healing I've done and continue to do. It's forced me to evolve into new versions of myself, multiple times. I've had to let go of people, belief systems, and societal expectations in order to stay true to myself and what is best for me. It's caused a lot of pain but also allowed me to grow in ways I could never have imagined.

Katy Seppi Founder of Chasing Creation Utah, USA

Connect:

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@chasing.creation www.chasingcreation.org

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

"I have always had to find a way in life and now I embrace that creatively and optimistically.”

Resourcefulness is my superpower. As a jazz, freestyle singer, and vocal coach, I created Our Healing Voice as a way to offer people a way to open up the natural vibrational power of their voice. Providing personal and collective energetic sound healing, for reconnection and support for healing.

Our Healing Voice began just before the pandemic and currently runs two online vocal projects for childless women. The weekly Chanting Circle is an hour-long, breathe and gentle chanting circle about slowly releasing our voices, especially when we feel we have been shut down. Our aim is to reconnect with our bodies internally, often where we have held pain; the pelvic area in particular comes to mind.

We create our own embodied sound through vibration, its sound healing using our natural voice. This is a physically and emotionally supportive practice for anxiety and childless grief assisting us with processing emotions. The chant is essentially a self-care practice.

The Childless Voices are small group vocal coaching sessions where we get to know each other and sing. We learn songs and look at ways to express ourselves through the medium of song and voice.

In Our Healing Voice, childless women can reclaim their confidence, voice and forge identities through becoming better singers, together and in their own right, even if they think they can’t sing.

Helen Louise Jones

Reflecting on my life, I'm most proud to have survived, reinvented my

Founder of Our Healing Voice

part of helping an amazing childless community to realise their lives.

life, found peace and contentment through my journey, and being

London, UK

Connect:

@our.healing.voice www.ourhealingvoice.com

www.tutumjournal.com

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“If something my inner critic said is really 'stuck in my craw' and I can't seem to get past it I will sit and journal about it – that almost always brings my emotions to the surface.”

Vulnerability and connection are my superpowers. I'm more than willing to be the first to speak up about the good and bad, my forte and flaws if it encourages others to share their stories....and I love to hear others' stories.

Sharing Solace had been bubbling in my mind ever since my daughter, Madelyn, died but become officially official in 2018. My purpose in life is to support others that have gone through their own terrible times.

Losing a child, the hope of having a family, and your dreams are one of the most difficult things in the world. All I want to do is provide tangible support and companionship to those who feel completely alone in the sorrow so you can always 'Remember.

You're not alone.'

Reflecting on my life, I’m most proud to have survived 100% of my bad days. I'm also pretty proud of releasing my book Confessions of a Griever: Turning a Hot Mess Into an Haute Message (Laughable Lessons for When Life Just Sucks) last year on my daughter's would-be 10th birthday.

Crystal Webster Founder of Sharing Solace Missouri, USA

Connect:

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@sharingsolace www.sharingsolace.com

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

“I feel like my only purpose is to learn to be content with what I have and where I’m at and just experience life.”

“Social x-ray vision” is my superpower, aka my ability to see beyond the surface of things and understand the nuanced and connected relationships between seemingly disparate things.

After our decision to remain childless, I went back to school to study philosophy and it ended up completely changing the trajectory of my life. I ended up focusing my study on the philosophy of sex and throughout that process, I was able to thoroughly understand the deep nuances of sexual expression and gender and how they’re so intertwined with motherhood. So much of how we assign value to ourselves and others is based on our ability to perform the roles that have been assigned to us based on our gender. The more I understood these things, the more I was able to heal from infertility and embrace being a childless woman. So, when I was thinking about what the focus of The Pleasure Anarchist would be within the realm of sexuality, infertility and childlessness were both natural fits, since they’re part of my personal experience.

My biggest goal is to help women understand their inherent value outside of the prescribed social norms that typically signal feminine value — things such as sexual desirability, youth, whiteness, thinness, heterosexuality, motherhood, and others.

My goal isn’t to highlight the opposite of these things as more valuable; it’s to point out the absurdity (and harm) of these values in the first place.

Reflecting on my life, I'm most proud of my marriage of 16 years.

During the first three years of marriage, we lost everything we had when a home remodel turned into an absolute nightmare. After we were recovered enough from that trauma, we experienced

Katy DeJong

three years of infertility, which rocked us in a completely different

Founder of The Pleasure Anarchist

conceive. Even with all of these experiences, we still occasionally

Virginia, USA

are mistaken for newlyweds.

Connect:

way with deep grief and trauma with trying, unsuccessfully, to

@thepleasureanarchist www.thepleasureanarchist.com

www.tutumjournal.com

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MY PURPOSEFUL LIFE WITH SOCIAL INFERTILITY

BY ADRIANA CASTRO

A

survey was conducted in Mexico to identify what generates the most happiness for the Mexican population. The answer was family.

I grew up in this context: a society in which having children is particularly important for happiness.

At 29, I had a boyfriend and I wanted him to be the father of my children. The relationship lasted three years and although, at first, we believed that we were a match made in heaven, over time we discovered that each of us had different desires.

In the end, due to the lack of common life goals, the relationship ended. For me, it represented great pain because it meant letting go of that longing that I dreamed of so much. I was disappointed that I had not been able to start a family, and afraid of not

I didn't know it back then, but it was the only time in my life that I was close to being a mom — so very close to knowing what it felt like to hold a baby and watch him/her grow. My grief over the breakup was enormous. It took years to recover from it.

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

Photo: AMELIA FUENTES

finding a new person with whom to fulfill that wish.

So, I decided to move to Mexico City and start from scratch. I

to increase their level of empathy. They think that there is only

made new friends and my yearning to be a mom was numbed

one reality: theirs. If they were lucky enough to find a special

until I was 35. There, my desire to have children returned,

person, they think that it should work the same for others.

but this time life gave me other cards to play: those of social infertility. I am a childless woman due to social infertility.

I felt a lot of hopelessness when I reached 40 and decided to let go of my dream of being a mother. I understood that I had

Social infertility is the inability of a person to have a child

to let go of the idea of how "my life should be" and start living

because of social circumstances. The reasons can vary,

with what I did have. I took a deep breath and, although I was

from not having a partner to having an economic situation

afraid, I began to build an identity different from the one I had

that prevents a person from offering a baby the minimum

planned. I had to accept the pain that this implied but, at the

standards of safety and accompaniment.

same time, to no longer feel anguish was liberating.

The most difficult period for me was between the ages

I stopped feeling disapproved, insufficient, and inadequate

of 35 and 40. I remember how scary it was to hear my

thanks to the fact that I focused my energy on redirecting

gynecologist's warnings: “if you want to be a mom, you have

the course of my business. I started teaching workshops and

to do it now. Your aging won't wait much longer for you.” The

courses on the science of happiness. From that moment, my

years passed and in each consultation, he repeated this to

work has become a great articulator of meaning and identity.

me. Then one day, my eyes filled with tears, I replied quietly and ashamed: “The thing is that, although I have been looking, I haven’t found someone with whom to start a family." I felt disapproved, insufficient, and inadequate.

This type of infertility is experienced in an adverse context: alone and in the midst of much misunderstanding. One of the misconceptions of social infertility is that it is considered an easy problem to solve. The few times I explained my sadness at not being able to start a family, the answer was "It's very simple: just have a child." This piece of advice, in addition to being simplistic, hides a hurtful message: "Your problem is very simple, so you have no right to feel sad."

Even worse, there are those who do not even consider it a problem. In the comments of a social media post I made, one person replied, “Social infertility is an invention of weak people who do not fight for their dreams. That situation is easily avoided:

Did I ever find love again? Yes. I currently have a loving, intelligent, and empathetic partner. By the time I met him, I was already at peace with my non-motherhood status, in addition to the fact that he has two wonderful children from his previous marriage.

As a childless woman, I found purpose in realizing that I had to change the question "What do I do to make my life have a purpose?" to "What do I do to help other women find theirs?"

I found a transcendental and profound meaning in my profession as a psychologist. I founded a friendly and supportive online community directed to childless women due to social or biological infertility. It offers courses, workshops, and mentoring aimed at Mexican and Spanish-speaking women who want to reconnect with their happiness and their life purpose.

you just have to decree it in your mind for the right person to come." In my opinion, people who make these comments need

Today, I am 45 years old, and I found my purpose despite not being a mother. Now, I have the opportunity to support and accompany those who are going through that lonely stage that I went through.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but sometimes what a woman in these circumstances needs is not an expert to explain what to do with her life, but a friendly accompaniment that makes her feel loved, heard, and accepted.

Adriana Castro (@adricdmx) is the Founder of Call2action, psychologist, speaker, trainer, instructor, and magazine columnist, based in Mexico.

www.tutumjournal.com

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THE CHILDLESS WANDERER

BY PENNY RABARTS

I have always been curious — curious about people, cultures,

My female role models did not live traditional roles; they travelled,

history, the great outdoors, why my cat likes to leave me gifts in

were single mothers, and kept a focus on careers.

the same spot, and what becomes of a world where the majority of women who do not have children are the more educated. My curiosity gave me purpose — to travel, to explore, to experience diverse cultures, and live life.

I was a feminist from an early age. I didn't understand why my brother was taught to drive the tractor and I wasn't, or why I was asked to make visitors the tea and coffee when a) my brother was never asked to do the same, and b) I don't even drink hot drinks!

My purpose as a young Penny was to explore, to turn the rocks, to discover new worlds. I knew my purpose as a nine-year-old. I found no greater joy than taking off to the back of the dairy farm to explore the secret forest (with my packed lunch), following the old sheep tracks, wondering what was living amongst those trees. All day I'd explore, sometimes with the neighbor kids, sometimes alone. That nine-year-old in me questioned everything, looked behind all the rocks and trees, took to reading where new worlds and ideas were talked about. She wrote her own books (it was a mystery inspired by my love of Trixie Belden stories) and knew early lives could be lived in so many different ways and my purpose was to find out all about them.

I don't think my purpose has ever changed. My purpose has always been to make the most of every moment and opportunity.

Despite all of this, I also saw clearly how embraced and supported by society the choice to have a family was. So, my guide to life became wanting to have a family, finding a partner, marrying, having children, and making preserves from my fruit trees.

No fear; I wasn't thinking about any of that. My curiosity wanted to see the world first, so as soon as I donned my bachelor's cape, I saved for a year in New Zealand’s capital, even working for a time pumping gas, and flew off to the UK to soak it all in and drink it all up. I have often told my two youngest aunts (only 10 years my senior) that their travels inspired me as I was working the world out in my childhood into tweenhood. I had a conservative upbringing; I should be a "good girl." I was the eldest, so I had unspoken responsibilities, no religion but no parties; get on with it and no need to talk about it. I looked at my aunts and at my

I was born in New Zealand in the 70s and grew up in the 80s

friends' families and saw diverse ways of being and I loved being

where slogans of "girls can do anything" were lauded.

part of the different experiences. I was brought up well, had everything I needed, but my soul and mind needed more. It seemed inevitable that I'd want to take that experience to a global scale.

I planned for my first two months to be filled with travel before I found a place to live in London. I can still recall how overwhelmed I was in the smells of Hong Kong (from the heavy smoke cloud at the airport to the backstreet food stalls), the hustle of the night markets, sitting on the pier watching the lights of Hong Kong fill the sky. I remember my first conversation with a fellow travelling stranger, checking my gut senses, and letting him guide me to new markets on the underground. These gut senses became honed after more travels, knowing to take every opportunity but to always have a safe out if needed. I worked in London and travelled more on my own. I did a Contiki through Europe (at 22, it’s everything you imagine). I took my backpack on the back of a truck through the Middle East, southern Africa, and the Indian sub-continent. I kissed boys at Hogmanay in Edinburgh and Pamplona for running of the bulls and in Munich for Beerfest; I kissed a lot of boys. I skied in Europe, took a train across Russia, ate Peking duck in Beijing (Peking), slept in an Ice Hotel, and watched the aurora. I ate a big apple in Central Park, jumped out of planes over the red sand dunes of Namibia, bathed with elephants in Nepal, soaked in the incredibleness of Petra, and

In Antar cti

ate too much hash cake in Egypt. I loved the energy of India, ate

ca

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locally everywhere I travelled, talked to locals, and captured these moments on film. For a willing listener, I have endless tales to tell.

“It was just a given that after my adventures I would find my fulfillment in creating a family. The strong pronatalist message told me so and being a ‘good girl’ was rewarded.”

If my story sounds familiar, or perhaps it just sounds confusing, it was an internal struggle that was very real for me.

I guess it started (upon reflection) when I turned 30 and my brother got married. The pecking order in the family changed.

My sister-in-law took precedence, and it was the beginning of conversations at the dinner table that focused on the milestones being met by my brother.

I pursued relationships to tick these boxes and have the Holy Grail of a "family." I can say this now, with a little cynicism because of time, but in that moment in my late 30s and early 40s, it was painful.

In Morocco

I've thought about this a lot because I'm sensitive about being considered jealous or bitter. The thing is, I'm none of those. I embraced my brother's new life and pitched in whenever I could.

What I increasingly found was that the events in my life were not acknowledged or celebrated. I didn't understand at the time what was happening; I just felt left out and like I was being pushed to the side. I stepped it up and really threw myself into the aunt role when my niece and nephew came along. I was super aunt.

wasn't allowed into the inner sanctum unless I had a bloke and child. I was growing increasingly frustrated and outraged by the injustice. Trust me, I was dating but I was not settling for anybody, and nobody was ticking my gut senses to think I could parent together with them. To be honest, I still feel like this world expected me to be a traditional mum, and I was never going to

I don't think I'm alone here in feeling that my achievements

be that, so I needed a pretty special man in my life. However, he

were received with underwhelming cheer. I watched as family

never turned up in any of my very thorough searches.

and friends who took the "traditional" path were celebrated,

I turned 40 and had a big celebration. If I wasn't going to have

supported, and embraced.

I took a sideline view and, quite frankly, I wasn't used to it.

So, I focused on my career in insurance and then in telecommunications. I was successful. I got bigger roles and

a wedding or be celebrated for anything else, then I'd throw an epic party and have a bloody fun time. And I did. It was catered, with a travel theme. I had live music and family and friends travelled to be with me. A celebration at its best!

I bought my first house, and then my second, and I took more

It wasn't until more recently that I was introduced to the term

epic trips overseas. I was ticking life goals; I just had not found

disenfranchised grief. I spent years grieving a life not lived totally

Mr. Right and had not created my own "family."

unrecognized by those closest to me, let alone myself. I finally

I got a cat, Gus. At nine, he is the most loyal and comforting

understood what I was feeling was valid and I wasn’t going crazy.

male to have shared my bed for that amount of consecutive

So, here I am, 48 and fully embraced in my life without

years. I climbed mountains and walked six 100km Trailwalkers

children. My family is me and Gus, and now Livi (a two-year-old

in 24 hours+. I went big on everything I did. It didn't compare

rambunctious Border Beagle cross), and I continue to indulge

to having a family though. Conversations fell flat when I

my curiosity. I share my story which is empowering. I won't say

answered ‘no’ to having children. Women gathered in the

my purpose is embraced by the traditionalist folk around me,

kitchen talking about their children; women looked sideways at

but I've found my people and I've found my voice to share with

me talking to their husbands. I was asked why I was being so

everyone following behind that there is support out there for

fussy about men. Honestly, I was living this amazing life and I

your choices, for your grief, and for your successes.

Penny Rabarts (@pennyrabarts) is a lover of travel, blogger, and the curator of Facebook group “Childless and Childfree Women in Australia and New Zealand,” a New Zealander now based in Australia. www.thechildlesswanderer.com www.tutumjournal.com

21

GAME CHANGER Normalising the

“Big C” through

BY CHARLIE BISHOP

G

rowing up in a family where everyone came together

Steph realized that whilst both the UK and USA have infertility

to celebrate holidays and birthdays, Stephanie

awareness weeks, they focused on infertility with the outcome of

(Steph) Phillips always assumed that would be her

still being a parent. However, there was nothing there for those

one day, bringing her own family together. At 29,

who didn’t have the happy ending they longed for.

she was on track, buying her first house, securing that second set of cutlery for those special occasions, and becoming nested. The words rang true from her college years, discussing careers with her landlady who stated, “I just knew I only wanted to be a mum.”

Steph met her husband in her early 30s. By the time they went to the doctor’s office to explore why they still were not pregnant, she was 39. Her unexplained fertility was just that, unexplained. The doctor could not explain the cause, as they were not yet trained in fertility tests and what conclusions they drew. Whilst Steph did consider looking into it further, many times, she got to the point where she realized “it doesn’t matter what the reason is, the

“Why is there not a week, or even a day to recognize us?” mused Steph. So, she began to think about what that might look like and when that might be. Carefully choosing a date that didn’t clash with other major holidays, she found that week — the second week of September.

As Steph explained, the problem then became working out what to do.

“I thought that if I could have a daily topic then I could write a blog each day and I could find other bloggers to add a few posts every day,” says Steph.

outcome is still the same.” Letting it go was for the best, as painful

She posted the idea in one of the support groups to see if anyone

as that was to do.

else would be interested in writing and she was overwhelmed

They looked into the different options presented, the cost, the unfamiliarity, and the risks, to only realise that there wasn’t a right path for them both. So, after all the considerations and the what if scenarios, as she says, you “Fight through the bad times and if you aren’t prepared to do that, then the good times aren’t that good.”

After grieving separately for many years, Steph found her home in support groups. “How did these people know what I was thinking” was the first thing she thought. She spent hours typing furiously to share her experiences and they became a lifeline to her. It was an outlet, as well as a resource, to help her process her grief.

It was because of these support groups that World Childless Week (WCW) was born in 2017.

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with submissions. The first year of WCW generated an incredible amount of noise with the #worldchildlessweek used 1.2 million times that year thanks in part to some savvy social media posting.

WCW was now well under way and truly on the map.

Since then, and now in its fifth year, WCW has a website and has grown in numbers of visitors, contributors, and resources every year. Those daily topics varying to adapt to the “hot topics” in the community, allowed for more and varied contributions each year, whilst retaining certain fixed topics year to year that capture the broader stories and experiences.

Steph shares that it is “giving people the freedom to have their voice.”

“We need to have that space. We deserve that space.”

She is right of course and the work that she has been doing, with

help normalise the discussion around a future still being a future —

support from the WCW Ambassadors, a group of invitees who

even without children.

lead by example of their strong, generous, and selfless advocacy supporting the childless not by choice community, is incredible.

However, it has not always been easy sailing. In 2019, tests revealed a dermoid cyst of the ovary, and she was diagnosed with cancer causing her to need a hysterectomy. For most, this painful process would spark a lot of understandably negative emotions and a real grieving process in itself, added to processing and accepting a cancer diagnosis.

Yet for Steph, whilst there was pain and grief to contend with, there was a sense of relief and happiness. A removal of the reminder that her body was not able to do what she had always hoped; those monthly reminders she had had since she was 12, all gone.

Whilst not related to her childlessness, the cancer indirectly led to her again confronting and analysing the different aspects around infertility. The hysterectomy forced the onset of menopause and finality to a process that she had always known the outcome of, that she would never become a mother.

“Representation is still twisted, and portrayal is slanted,” she says, and this is what motivates her to help plan for the future.

Speaking about this, Steph explains how she plans to build the network further by making it a resource hub interlinking across community support groups, small businesses, and independents who are contributing to our community. She wants to see anything related, useful or relatable to the childless community captured, including the fun elements.

Over the next year or so, she also plans to develop leaflets and posters that can go into GP surgeries and clinics worldwide to present a more balanced service to those struggling with infertility and to ensure that they always know, whatever the outcome, that there is support.

This is a community with heart and soul and curated by a woman full of love and laughter who is working with the community to share experiences, information, and resources for anyone, men or women, who is childless.

It also gave her perspective about how we think about cancer, the original Big C, in comparison to childlessness, which she proposes is the new Big C. It’s something that we don’t talk about openly, that we are often ashamed and embarrassed about because it doesn’t conform to societal norms. Not too long ago, that used to be cancer. The whispered words. Now, cancer is talked about more; it is more present in our lives and now childlessness becomes that whispered topic steeped in shame and mystery.

Throughout her treatment, Steph began to lose her hair and, though she did get a wig, she admits she was never uncomfortable being bald and actually felt more self-conscious with a wig so she didn’t wear it.

“No one ever said, ‘have you considered wearing a wig’ because it is insensitive, intrusive and automatically people would have thought I would have considered that. But if you are childless they say, ‘have you considered adoption’ without having the same thought that this is [also] insensitive,” says Steph.

Such flippancy in how we react and engage on these sensitive topics despite the very real grief and pain that childlessness leads to, again reinforced to Steph the idea of childlessness being the new Big C. This is something that has reaffirmed her own beliefs about why WCW had such an important purpose. It was a way to

Charlie Bishop (@charlieabishop / @mrkhconnect), based in Norway, is part of the Tutum Journal editorial team, an MRKH advocate, and Director of MRKH Connect, a UK based charity. www.mrkhconnect.org. www.tutumjournal.com

23

Cover Story

She's

UNSTOPPABLE!

SIMONE

EDWARDS

SHARES HER STORY OF BASKETBALL, CANCER & RECOVERY

BY JOBI TYSON

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

PHOTOGRAPHED BY: STEVE STROTHER

In 1990, when Jamaica native Simone Edwards was 16 years old, the undefeated track star competed in the Girls Champs National Track Meet with all the top runners around the island. That was the first time she had not medaled in a race, and she felt as if her world had come to a crashing halt — in too-small shoes — because she couldn’t run as she always had from a standing start.

She writes in her 2017 memoir Unstoppable, “All I had ever really wanted was to be extraordinary and running made me feel extraordinary. But, after that race, as far as I could see, I was no longer extraordinary. If you’re as tall as I am and not extraordinary, you’re someone to be mocked, taunted, teased, and viewed as some sort of oddity. But, as I was walking from the stadium, I heard someone shout out my name. I turned to see who it was.

The shout belonged to a local Jamaican basketball coach who was standing with a heavyset white American guy who says, ‘I can see you’re an excellent athlete!’ I was wondering if he had smoked some Ganja since I had just lost.

He then asked me quickly and directly, ‘Do you want to play basketball and receive a full athletic scholarship in America?’ I responded hesitantly and timidly, ‘I don’t even know what basketball is.’ The local coach then said, ‘I will teach you.’ The heavyset white guy turned out to be the women’s head coach for the University of Oklahoma. I felt that God finally heard my prayers, as evidenced by this opportunity to escape poverty.”

Ever since her childhood, Simone has experienced these

found out that the New York Liberty, one of eight franchises in the

unforeseen extraordinary life-changing moments — laying claim to

WNBA, was holding a two-day tryout in New York City in just one

divine purpose, resilience, and determination.

week.

She was born and raised in Kingston, Jamaica, in a poverty-

“Suddenly, there again was possibility,” she says.

stricken village, by her single mother with the help of her mother’s best friend, who she affectionately called “Mama.” Simone’s mantra is “I will not allow my current circumstances to dictate my future.” There is no doubt that her island roots shaped her to persevere through every obstacle.

After a two-day tryout with over 300 other basketball players, Simone became the first Jamaican in the WNBA, signing with the New York Liberty, and ultimately becoming a WNBA Champion in 2004 during her six-year career with the Seattle Storm. She gained international prominence as a basketball star in Italy, Hungary,

She began making history at Seminole State College in Oklahoma,

Israel, and Spain leading teams to multiple championships. Then

leading the team to an undefeated conference record, and

she won her home country’s first-ever gold medal at the Caribbean

ultimately becoming the First Kodak All-American in the school’s

Basketball Confederation Championship, first as a player in 2006

history. Her junior college success carried over to her time as team

and returning years later winning a gold medal as a coach in 2014;

co-captain at NCAA Division I University of Iowa, but back-to-back

and deservingly in 2017, the Jamaican government bestowed

ACL injuries led to a challenging final year. “At this point, I was

her with the Order of Distinction award for her outstanding

unprepared for life after Iowa and started to question my purpose

contribution to women’s basketball.

in life,” Simone says.

Thus, having been a professional athlete for nearly 10 years

Speaking of purpose, Simone reveals that in May 1997, as she

and one of the top rebounders in the world, the former center

was bracing herself to depart from Iowa City, she came across a

dubbed the "Jamaican Hurricane,” knows what it’s like to take on

newspaper article about a new league called the Women’s National

opponents. However, in May 2021, during the global COVID-19

Basketball Association (WNBA) making moves to get started. She

pandemic, she found herself facing a different shot block — cancer. www.tutumjournal.com

25

Now, with September marking Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, the 47-year-old author, philanthropist, and motivational speaker concedes the importance of sharing her story and shedding some light on one of the most dangerous cancers for women.

Jobi Tyson: Hey, Champ! I’m so honored that you’ve decided to share your battle against ovarian cancer with our readers. Take me back to your precancer diagnosis days. Could you describe your early warning signs?

Simone Edwards: Thank you, I am grateful to share my story with your readers. My first signs started in December 2020 when I was experiencing annoying pain in my leg and buttock on my left side, but I brushed it off because I had a pulled muscle from exercising. However, weeks later, the pain worsened and then I knew I needed to see a doctor.

JT: How did the pain worsen? And did you think it was cancer then?

SE: Heck no! Around February 2021, when the pain became unbearable, I went to urgent care. The doctor asked, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? My answer was twenty! Within minutes, she diagnosed me with sciatic nerve pain, prescribed prescription painkillers, and advised me that my symptoms would resolve in a couple of weeks.

JT: Were you skeptical of such a quick diagnosis?

SE: No, because when I looked up sciatic nerve pain, the common symptoms were a pain that radiates the lower back through the hips and buttocks and down the leg typically affecting only one side of your body. So, since the symptoms were identical to mine, I believed that sciatic nerve pain was the root of the problem, and I was just relieved that my pain would be gone soon.

JT: So, clearly you were misdiagnosed. How soon did you return to the doctor?

SE: Two weeks later, I was not only still experiencing excruciating pain but now tingling and numbness in my toes. Now the pain was affecting my daily activities, such as standing, sitting, driving, and the pain pills didn’t suppress the pain. Between excruciating pain and sleepless nights, I had no relief. The nonstop pain was so severe I began to lose my sense of self.

JT: Oh, my goodness, the world needs who you were made to be, so it breaks my heart to hear that chronic pain drove you to lose a sense of self! What made you return to the doctor the second time?

SE: It got to the point that I could hardly stand up straight because the pain was so overwhelming. I was exhausted and desperate for pain relief, so I went to another urgent care. When the doctor asked, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? This time my answer was one hundred! I shared that in my thirties, I was diagnosed with stage four endometriosis, which later necessitated the removal of one ovary, so they ordered blood labs and recommended a transvaginal ultrasound with a gynecologist.

JT: Okay, so now you’ve been misdiagnosed twice. Tell me what happened during your gynecological visit.

SE: I saw Dr. Julie Pass, an obstetrician-gynecologist in Wellington, Florida, who truly became my angel because within two minutes of meeting her, I burst into tears. She held my hand the entire time while I explained my frustration and pain. She then ordered an x-ray 26

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

and a transvaginal ultrasound right onsite and detected a blood clot in my left leg, so I was rushed to the ER. I was so relieved that a doctor finally listened to me. The next day, I was shocked to learn that I was being discharged from the hospital. I begged the doctor to let me stay since I was still in a lot of pain, but he nonchalantly prescribed me blood thinners and replied that he was only treating me for the blood clot. I felt so rushed and disappointed as I walked out of the hospital feeling like I was just another patient.

JT: This happens far too often to women in the healthcare system. At this point, you were discharged from the hospital still in pain, but this time knowing that you have a blood clot. What was your headspace and what happened next?

SE: I was so scared of the unknown, but a few days later, I just couldn't take the pain anymore, so I packed my bag and drove back to the ER, and I told them I was not leaving. Then, I called Dr. Pass who turned out to be out of network for my insurance plan, but she contacted the hospital so they wouldn’t dismiss me this time.

She sent them my scan and spoke to the doctor who then agreed to transfer me to another hospital where they recommended a top gynecologic oncologist. His testing results were that I had high blood pressure, my CA125 blood test number was high, and the scan discovered an orange-sized mass that was rapidly growing on my left ovary. He then recommended a hysterectomy and bilateral salpingooophorectomy — removal of the uterus, cervix, ovaries, and fallopian tubes — and said that if it was cancer, then I’ll be staged properly and have the tumor removed at the same time.

JT: Okay, so now a week later, you’re scheduled for surgery. Can you share the details of the surgery?

SE: Yes, after a long surgery, my gynecologic oncologist told me he removed my remaining ovary, both fallopian tubes, cervix, and uterus, but that the cancerous tumor was too difficult to remove.

Also, by this time, I had high blood pressure and found out that the root cause of my extreme pain was the cyst pressing on my sciatic nerve. So, after a week in the hospital, I was finally discharged, given stronger painkillers, and a biopsy sample was sent for analysis.

JT: When were you diagnosed and how did you feel when you were first diagnosed?

SE: A week later, I went alone to see the gynecologic oncologist since I didn’t want to worry anyone. I followed him into his office, and he appeared somber. On May 7, 2021, I heard those words, you have ovarian cancer. Although my gynecologic oncologist was teary-eyed, my reaction was emotionless. I really couldn’t wrap my head around it, although my intuition told me that I may have cancer. The initial shock of this moment, to hear those words, was indescribable. There’s no good time to deal with cancer, but the middle of a pandemic makes it even more challenging.

www.tutumjournal.com

27

JT: Talk to me about your mental space while waiting for your prognosis.

SE: What felt like an eternity, seven dreadful days later I had to wait for the prognosis appointment with an oncologist. I had many sleepless nights, and despite being a realist who is at peace with death, my life flashed before my eyes as someone facing the possibility of an early death with all that it entails.

JT: Take us back to your first visit with the oncologist after learning of the ovarian cancer diagnosis.

SE: I had my mother with me, and I was in so much pain that day, I was keeled over moaning in a wheelchair. The oncologist asked me if there was a family history of cancer, and I sarcastically replied, “No, I’m the lucky one.” Then, I asked him what stage I was in. His reply, “Stage 3, and the cancerous tumor is contained inside of your abdomen.” He then recommended six cycles of aggressive chemotherapy over 18 weeks to potentially shrink the tumor and kill cancer cells.

JT: In our early conversations, initially, you were totally against chemotherapy. What changed your mind?

SE: I was reading so many discouraging statistics about ovarian cancer on the internet. But after talking to the gynecologic oncologist and the oncologist, I felt that my diagnosis and treatment were well explained, and I felt taken care of by my team of doctors. Plus, while I was still on the fence on whether to do chemo or not, my niece called me and told me that she was pregnant. That good news pushed me even more fight to live.

JT: What does ovarian cancer feel like, what happens during chemo treatment, and have you experienced any side effects?

SE: For me so far, having cancer hurts, literally with physical pain. And, sometimes it doesn’t feel like anything at all. It’s just an emotional roller coaster with the mental toll it takes. But the whole “good days and bad days” thing is not just physical. And just because you’re having a good day physically doesn’t mean you’re having a good day mentally, and vice versa. First, I had a minimally invasive outpatient surgery to insert a chemo port — a small, implantable reservoir with a thin silicone tube that attaches to a vein — under my skin in the upper chest, so that the chemotherapy medications can be delivered directly into the port rather than a vein, eliminating the need for needle sticks in my arm. I think the stigma attached to chemo played with my mind.

I kept thinking that I was heading for feeling awful daily, with the sickness, tiredness, and hair loss. At the same time, I was unsure as to whether the drugs were having any effect. So far, I’ve had minimal side effects, only experiencing fatigue, dry mouth, dry skin, and I started losing some of my hair halfway through chemo.

The hardest part is being on pins and needles on the status of my white cell count and hemoglobin level. Even with the positivity and some reassurance of other tests being normal, there is still so much unknown about the diagnosis and potential treatment.

JT: Where are you now in your journey with cancer? On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain now?

SE: My pain fluctuates from two to eight because the tumor is still

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there. Since prescribed painkillers caused too many side effects, now I’m only taking Tylenol Extra Strength for pain, which has surprisingly been such a relief; as well as applying Tiger Balm. But my blood work is checked every week, and on my six-week follow-up appointment, I found out that the tumor has grown, but is still contained inside my abdomen. So, the oncologist recommended radiation therapy to potentially eliminate the tumor. It’s been an emotional roller coaster because this was just one of the life-saving recommendations that my insurance company declined to cover. I’ve been on the phone so many times with my insurance company begging them to approve something to save my life. It’s disheartening, to say the least.

Between advocating for myself, and my oncology office appealing, the radiation therapy was finally approved. I underwent radiation treatments five days a week for seven weeks, with each session lasting around ten minutes. Thankfully, those treatments have ended.

I have a couple more chemo treatments left and am prayerfully waiting to hear that my cancer is in remission.

JT: What words of wisdom and/or advice would you give any woman facing cancer or feeling something is not right with their body?

SE: You’ll be amazed by your strength and relish your good days.

Laugh and love in equal measure and be gentle with yourself.

Listen to your doctors and be your own patient advocate. If you feel that they are being dismissive, find someone who will listen. You may have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have you! I am so glad that I decided to go to the emergency room that last time and wouldn’t leave until I was feeling better. I knew something was wrong. Follow your gut, listen to, and take care of your body. I also found it helpful to document my journey through journaling, picture-taking and videos, and to cut out sugar, dairy, and meats, and add an herbal diet for a clean eating regimen. Overall, make health your priority.

JT: Even while dealing with your toughest opponent, you’ve remained a beacon of light by spreading the message to others about the often-overlooked signs of this disease. Why did you think it was important while you’re still battling ovarian cancer to raise awareness and support others?

SE: I really hate that there is no effective screening for ovarian cancer, so it usually goes undetected until late stages. And, although my cancer is not yet deemed to be in remission, I recognize that my persistence with doctors undoubtedly saved my life. After you’ve been diagnosed, you have a million questions swirling around your head and you may not want to take up your doctor’s time or feel comfortable asking some of your more personal questions. I think that speaking to a woman who has been through it gives a lot of hope. It’s been a cathartic and purposeful experience for me to talk about my cancer in real-time, with the support of my tribe. I hope my story will generate greater awareness about the disease dubbed the silent killer.

Follow Simone’s journey on Instagram and Facebook @jamhurricane.

You can also visit her website, JamaicanHurricane.com to purchase her book and support her foundation.

www.tutumjournal.com

29

MEDICAL AWAKENING

D

The Truth About

espite its long-standing nickname, ovarian cancer isn’t really a silent killer. There are symptoms; it’s just that they whisper or are commonly mistaken for something else, like sciatic nerve pain or irritable bowel syndrome.

Every year, almost 22,000 women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer and in women ages 35-74, ovarian cancer is the fifth-leading cause of cancer-related deaths.

It is estimated that one in 74 women will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer during their lifetime. In fact, if caught early, ovarian cancer has a high rate of survival. However, only 20% of ovarian cancers are discovered in the earliest stages. The insidious nature of this cancer means that it often remains undetected until it has progressed rapidly.

Fortunately, there are ways to educate yourself on ovarian cancer and learn how to recognize the signs of this disease.

Understanding ovarian cancer

•

Ovaries are small, almond-shaped organs located on either side of the uterus and store eggs – known as germ cells – and produce estrogen and progesterone, two female hormones. Ovarian cancer occurs when malignant (cancerous) cells develop in, near, or on the outer layer of one or both ovaries.

This type of cancer is determined by the site where it started.

Therefore, when cancer cells are first formed in the ovaries and spread to other organs, it will be diagnosed and treated as ovarian cancer.

There are many different types of ovarian cancer. Normally, healthy cells in your body divide and form new cells to repair injuries and replace old or dying cells. Cancer cells are different because they: • • •

Grow uncontrollably, dividing into new abnormal cells Outlive normal cells Encourage the growth of a tumor, which can put pressure on nearby organs

Can spread or metastasize to other parts of the body through the bloodstream or lymphatic system

How to lower your ovarian cancer risk Early detection is important. The signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer can be easy to miss. They may also be difficult to notice or detect because the ovaries are located deep within the abdominal cavity. Often, the signs and symptoms are “silent,” making ovarian cancer difficult to detect in its early stages.

When symptoms persist Since the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer are often easy to miss, only about 15% to 20% of cases are diagnosed in the early stages (stages I-II). Often, symptoms don’t appear until the disease is in its advanced stages (stages III-IV).

If symptoms don’t go away within two weeks following normal interventions such as laxatives, rest, or changing diet and exercise, contact a physician immediately. If cancer is suspected, a gynecologic oncologist should be consulted before surgery.

Detection and diagnosis Although there is no consistently reliable screening test to detect ovarian cancer, research in this area is ongoing.

If a woman has signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer, the following tests are available and should be offered — especially to those at increased risk: •

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

Pelvic exam: This checks for an enlarged ovary or signs of fluid in the abdomen. The doctor examines the uterus, vagina, ovaries, bladder, and rectum for

Ovarian Cancer: THE HIDDEN TUMOR any unusual changes such as a mass. Some cancers are very small before they spread and cannot be reliably detected by a pelvic exam.

•

Transvaginal ultrasound: This examination uses a small instrument placed in the vagina to look at the ovaries and uterus. This method is especially appropriate for women at increased risk for ovarian cancer or those with an abnormal pelvic exam.

•

CA-125 blood test: This measures the level of CA-125, a protein found in higher levels in women with ovarian/fallopian tube cancer.

While CA-125 is an important test, it is not always a key marker for the disease. Some non-cancerous diseases of the ovaries can also increase CA-125 levels, and some ovarian cancers may not produce enough CA-125 levels to cause a positive test. For these reasons, the CA-125 test is not routinely used as a screening test for those at an average risk for ovarian cancer, but rather as a baseline for monitoring.

Types of ovarian cancer There are many different types of ovarian cancer; each is classified by the type of cell it started from. Cancerous ovarian tumors start from three common cell types: • • • •

Surface epithelium cells cover the outer lining of the ovaries.

Germ cells are cells that will form eggs.

Stromal cells release hormones and connect the different structures of the ovaries.

The removal of one’s ovaries eliminates the risk for ovarian cancer, but not the risk for a less common cancer called primary peritoneal carcinoma.

Stages of ovarian cancer When ovarian cancer is diagnosed, its type and stage can be determined during surgery. There are four stages of ovarian cancer, ranging from Stage 1 (early disease) to Stage IV (advanced disease). The treatment plan and prognosis (the probable course and outcome of the disease) will be determined by the stage of the cancer. These stages are:

Treatment options Surgery

Chemotherapy and side effects

The most common method of treatment for ovarian cancer is surgery. This should be performed by a qualified gynecologic oncologist. Most women will have surgery at some point during the course. The type of surgery you have depends on your general health and how far the cancer has spread, which may not be known until the procedure is performed.

It’s important to understand how chemotherapy works before starting treatment.

Radiation Radiation therapy uses high-energy x-rays to kill cancer cells and shrink tumors in other parts of the body.

Contributed by the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) to raise awareness about the disease for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month (September). Learn more about NOCC at ovarian.org. www.tutumjournal.com

31

NAVIGATING AGING

Turning 50:

AN AGE FOR REFLECTION

BY ANDREA CLEMENT

Throughout young adulthood, all I’d ever wanted to do was to re-create that “loving family” I remembered from my early childhood — those years before my dad's untimely death and my mom’s subsequent depression and drinking. As the youngest of four kids in a large Catholic family, I always assumed and hoped I'd be a mom one day. I couldn’t wait to be married and create a loving family of my own, like the one I had before my dad passed away when I was only ten years old.

However, it wasn’t that simple for me. I'd spent much of my teens and twenties grieving and trying to navigate life without a dad, and with a depressed mother who was unhappily re-married. Mom turned to alcohol to cope. She died of alcoholic liver disease when I was 32 years old, at a time when I was struggling in my own relatively new marriage. After my mom died, I pushed my marital doubts down deep inside; I was grieving and didn’t know what else to do. I was now an “adult orphan” trying to figure out who I really was as a person without my mom’s overbearing influence, instructions, and demands.

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

Becoming parentless reignited my desire to start a family, so we

One relationship even resulted in a pregnancy! I was not sure about

started trying to have kids. However, we were unable to conceive.

the long-term potential of the relationship, but I was ecstatic to

My doctor told me there weren’t any apparent physical signs or

have become a mom-to-be! I loved being pregnant and loved that

symptoms that would indicate infertility on my part, and the next

unborn baby. Unfortunately, the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage

step would be more invasive tests to confirm. Many couples

during the first trimester — on Mother's Day, of all days. As a

prefer to first rule out issues with the husband’s fertility before

motherless daughter and childless woman, Mother's Day was

going forward with invasive and expensive tests at a reproductive

already my LEAST favorite, loneliest day of the year. On Mother’s

endocrinologist. I mentioned to my husband (per doctor’s advice)

Day, everyone else in the world is celebrating a mom, grandma,

that maybe he could be tested to rule out fertility issues on his end,

or child(ren) that day, except me. And to add insult to injury, the

but he declined. His resistance was like a neon sign to me — all

father of my unborn child couldn't be with me when I miscarried,

the doubts I’d had about our marriage resurfaced. I realized that

because he didn't want to upset his mom by not spending

some of the challenges and issues in our marriage likely stemmed

Mother's Day with her. So, obviously, he was not the right person

from my childhood trauma of watching my dad die and my mom’s

for me to spend my life with either. Having a miscarriage was an

subsequent decline into depression. My spouse’s reluctance about

extremely traumatic experience. Suffering the loss of my first and

a simple medical test was the final straw and a wake-up call for

last pregnancy, alone on Mother's Day, felt like a cruel joke that the

me to move on. I separated from him in 2012 and then divorced

universe was playing on me. As that little life slipped away from

him shortly thereafter.

me, I knew that was the end of my only chance at motherhood. I'd

After my divorce, I still held out some hope of having kids with someone else or meeting someone with kids and having a family in one way or another, maybe as a stepmother.

never get pregnant again due to my age. That was one of the worst days of my life.

However, the initial years of being a divorcee' were extremely

New Focus & Energy Shift

challenging. I felt like such a failure. I failed at marriage. I failed

It was after that experience when I finally threw my hands up

at becoming a mom and building a family. People say the most

and began to shift my focus away from marriage and a family. I

intrusive things, such as "If you’d really wanted to have kids, you

was 44 years old. I grieved every year on my birthday throughout

would have,” or "you can always adopt" or "there's IVF now and so

my mid-40s. It took a while to finally accept and embrace my

much technology." Some of their (unsolicited) suggestions may be

circumstances, but I had no choice. It was difficult, sad, and

true and great for other people, but none of these was a financial

surprisingly liberating. I no longer had to choose my dates by who

option for me. I wasn’t driven to try to become a mother without

would make a good husband or father, and I was able to expand

a partner — single motherhood was not personally a goal for me.

my options in many ways.

I applaud and respect women who are single mothers and wish I could do it. However, due to the anxiety and trauma I'd experienced in childhood losing my father, I felt the only feasible option for me was to find a partner with whom to raise a family. Additionally, I didn't have the family support of my mother, or anyone else, to help me raise a child. I often felt lost and lonely during those years right after my divorce, even though I felt I'd made the right decision for me.

False Start?

Those hopes for a post-divorce family didn't quite pan out, despite several years of online dating. The result was more failed

Shifting my focus away from creating a family freed up my energy for other creative pursuits. So, I gave up on creating a family and instead poured myself into creating anything else that I could — art, stories, photography, gardens, home décor, and I even created my own media and marketing company. It’s been an exciting and re-defining few years.

I think there may always be some part of me that feels that pain of childlessness, like a blank space that can never quite be filled.

Today, however, it's a much smaller, occasional

relationships and broken engagements. Although one consolation

pang, rather than an all-consuming sadness

was gaining a best friend, the sister of a guy in the ‘failed

as it was throughout most of my 40s. I’m now

relationships’ category.

Fifty and Fabulous, and never looking back!

Andrea Clement (@abcjr) is a writer, media consultant, and founder of Clem.co LLC Communications, based in the US. www.clem.co www.tutumjournal.com

33

NAVIGATING AGING

THE

REINVENTION

BY JOBI TYSON

Reinvention is a journey, not a moment. At its heart, reinvention is about recognizing the changes happening to and around you and making a conscious decision to adapt.

Midlife, the lifespan between younger and older adulthood, has been described as a period of transition in women’s lives. It includes those who are 40 to 65 years of age, and who typically experience multiple social, psychological, and biological challenges.

How old is too old to do something new? If you want to launch a business, change careers, or just do something different with your life, at what point is it just too late to be what you might have been? Spoiler alert: never.

In case you need some inspiration to show you that it can be done no matter what age you have reached, here are two life-affirming stories from childless women who reinvented themselves after 50.

Jo Vraca, 52, is a journalist, author, and podcaster in Melbourne, Australia.

You can live the life you want and it's worth trying. So, try everything.

Jo Vraca started trying to conceive at around 35 after being staunchly against having children. She had been married 10 years at that stage. Around two years into the marriage, Jo and her husband chose to try IVF and went through three failed cycles.

Jo’s grief finally began releasing sometime last year after a very random conversation with a friend. “She asked me to help her set up an e-marketing account for her business, so I spent a day with her, showing her the ropes. I'm not a technology expert but it was great to be able to share what I knew — you know, you learn when you teach. At the end, [my friend] said, ‘Just think, if you had kids, you would never have been able to spend a whole day helping me with this.’" That was it. That's when she knew she would be ok.

Jo had been searching for her "purpose" for years. So, she started the (un)Ripe podcast to help women raise their voices about their childless lives. She also loved cooking and showed people how they could become better cooks. Jo especially enjoyed helping her single friend who thinks that sometimes it's not worth making something nice for just one person. “I wanted to show everyone that cooking for one or two is absolutely worth it!” said Jo. Last year, Jo enrolled in culinary school. While she isn’t certain that she wants to be a chef, Jo is loving learning again.

Connect with Jo: @unripecommunity • www.unripecommunity.com.au 34

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

OF MIDLIFE WOMEN Rima Zigaitis, 54,

Photo: ANNA CILLAN

is a Mindset Coach in Chicago, Illinois

It's really about letting go of the ‘story’ we had written for our lives and being open to a new version.

Rima Zigaitis was born with Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser (MRKH) syndrome, a rare congenital disorder that mainly affects the reproductive system. The MRKH was discovered at 16 when Rima hadn’t started her period (because she doesn’t have a uterus or vagina). Knowing that she would never get her period or carry her own biological children was a LOT for Rima to take in. She struggled with her sense of femininity, self-worth, and accepting infertility.

Four years ago, while sitting on a California beach, Rima saw a man walk by talking happily with his wife and child. The man was severely scarred on one side of his body, as if he had been through an explosion. Rima’s first thought was, He is so lucky. His scars are on the outside. He doesn’t have to hide them. Rima explained, “I realized that I had gone through life like that — feeling scarred and hiding my ‘so-called scars’ of MRKH, childlessness, and unworthiness. Even though no one else could see the scars, the weight of them was unbearable and it was a weight I had carried for far too long.”

Rima knew there could be an easier path for other girls/women with MRKH if they had some kind of support. In that instant, she decided to take the skills she had developed in her corporate career (teaching, training, and coaching) and dedicate them where it mattered most — to helping people with MRKH transform their relationship with the diagnosis.

Rima’s views on femininity, self-worth, and acceptance have changed. “Rather than viewing each of these as something outside of me to find or obtain, I see them now as something that comes from within me that I choose, take accountability for, and nurture. I feel so much more inner peace and strength than ever before.”

Connect with Rima: @sumaavi_trustedcircle • www.sumaavi.com www.tutumjournal.com

35

Building Bridges

Meet Sean Tipton of

Sean Tipton, chief advocacy policy and development officer for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), oversees the government and media relations as well as fundraising for the organization. ASRM is a multidisciplinary organization of nearly 8,000 professionals — including obstetricians, gynecologists, urologists, reproductive endocrinologists, embryologists, and mental health and allied professionals — dedicated to the advancement of the science and practice of reproductive medicine.

He has worked in advocacy positions in Washington since 1991 and strives to improve psychological outcomes for infertility patients, the current landscape of infertility insurance coverage, the hurdles to obtain state and/or national mandated coverage, and methods of advocacy for both patients and doctors to improve coverage.

Following in the footsteps of his parents, whose life works were dedicated to advocacy in reproductive and gender-based politics, his passion for access to care is truly impressive, as he spearheaded a resolution for the American Medical Association’s vote to recognize infertility as a disease in the United States to advance fertility treatment and prevention.

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

BY JOBI TYSON

Editor-in-Chief Jobi Tyson sat down with Sean Tipton to discuss research and the future of reproductive healthcare.

Q: I noticed that the tag line

Q: How has ASRM addressed and/

A: Well, we're about 8,000 members all together. We're

A: Well, actually last summer we were one of the first

for ASRM is Impacting Reproductive Health Worldwide.

Can you expound on that?

or approached efforts to reduce racial/ethnic disparities in reproductive health services?

individual member societies and probably a third of those are

medical groups to impanel a special Diversity, Equity,

not in the US. So, we have a strong international presence

and Inclusion Task Force. Chaired by our vice president,

in our membership and we think our activities help impact

Michael Thomas, we wanted to look at the issue with

reproductive care all over the world.

recommendations that need to be addressed. Access to care issues based on racial and demographic factors were

Q: You’ve been with ASRM for

over 20 years. Why is this work important to you?

A: Because I believe in the mission. I believe in trying to

barriers that came up in that. But, we also need to look at our own organization, and the effect on our respective profession, to tackle some of the supply line issues that keep the profession from being as diverse as it needs to be to reflect the patients that our members are treating.

So, that became a very important component of our 5-year strategic plan and now we're going to try implementing some

provide help for people to make sure they can get access to the

programs to address some of that; but obviously, that's going

medical care they need, and to make sure that the government is

to be a lot harder. However, we recognize those challenges,

appropriately overseeing and funding research into reproduction

while we're also trying to tackle some of our own.

medicine. So, until everybody can get the medical care they need for their reproductive health, there's work to be done.

Q: How does or can ASRM advocate for involuntarily childless women or women who are childless by infertility?

A: We are constantly trying to improve access to care — quite often by mandating that insurance coverage include infertility services. I think another important part of our advocacy work is trying to make sure that the government properly funds research into improving reproductive care and not letting politics get in the way of that research.

Q: How does ASRM advocate for

prioritizing the intersections between reproductive health and its psychological impact?

A: The psychological impact of infertility is something that we strive to educate policymakers about because people don't appreciate just how difficult it is. We have a significant component of our membership of mental health professionals working with patients who are struggling with reproductive health issues. Therefore, we certainly recognize the importance of the psychological factors and the importance of mental health as part of the whole of reproductive health.

For more information about the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, visit www.asrm.org. www.tutumjournal.com

37

THE BLOSSOM OF

THE JOURNEY

BY RAXANN CHIN

The source of my inspiration has been on autopilot since 1985. It was a point in my life as a child, where a near-death experience with acute appendicitis made me respond to this realm of life very specifically. I was hospitalized for over a month in my hometown, Montego Bay, Jamaica. The doctors told my parents I was at the edge of septic shock and that I wouldn’t survive. So, whenever I need to dig deep, I think of my ten-year-old self. I consult with her will to have lived and I find a strong purpose in that. I am confident that my life was spared for a reason, and I need to see it through to the fullest dimensions that I can wrap purpose around. infertility. It is also the inspiration for my company’s slogan: Awake. Live. Be Magical. Sometimes I even wonder if those words were spiritually echoed to me when I survived the intensive operation to save my life. Every time I repeat it, it does something to my spirit; it sounds and feels so familiar.

I am just grateful that I remembered it.

Sometimes the things that are meant to break us become our source of strength.

After being on Wall Street for over a decade, a period only a tardigrade could withstand, I was one of nine people selected by Merrill Lynch’s Leadership and Talent Management Group, for the Retirement Group Vice President Rotation Program, to be groomed for directorship. I was recruited from the sales team, being a consistent top performer and having been a member of the company’s diversity council.

The stars finally aligned, I thought; however, as I was finishing my

to leave, and she released my personal conflict by saying, verbatim, “If

first rotation in Marketing Communications, the market crashed.

there is someone I believe in, it’s you, and I believe you’re going to be

Prior to the COVID-19 recession in 2020, the global financial crisis of

great at whatever you decide to do. If you should leave and it doesn’t

2008 was considered by many economists to have been the most

work out, you’ll always have a job here.” It was at that moment I knew

serious financial crisis since the Great Depression. This calamitous

it was time to leap. Starting my business was due to both personal

event caused the company to dismantle the program, and I was given

and professional external factors that I could have responded to in a

the choice to take a package or return to the sales team by the end

myriad of ways; however, despite the state of ambivalence, I chose to

of day to manage a sales force. Concurrently, on the personal front,

leap in the direction of operationalizing an immutable dream.

I learned that my second attempt with in vitro fertilization failed.

Dealing with the rigor of infertility made the seemingly sustainable walls of corporate success and an accomplished life illogical. While overlooking the corporate campus from the top floor of my office, I asked myself a few simple questions before telling management my decision: should I continue on this path or should I take a leap of faith in the unknown, in a melting job market without another job immediately lined up? What could I do that I genuinely loved and would be able to sustain financially? What is that thing that, at all costs, I wouldn’t wane or regret? I started to think of all my natural talents that I could monetize, and it made me realize I had a lot to work with. I consulted with my corporate mentor about my decision 38

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

I genuinely couldn’t script the magical journey that ensued. The first thing I did upon my departure in 2008 was to start my non-profit organization, Save Our Jamaica. I am proud to say that the first project with my non-profit was a partnership with The John Hibbert Foundation where we were able to grant full scholarship opportunities for approximately 40 Jamaican student-athletes in U.S. universities.

Later in 2012, I created my fashion line, Femhéka, which means ‘Magical Goddess.’ This was a childhood dream. After several years of modeling, I developed a voice for designing, and several concepts and sketches later that woke me up at nights to jot in my bedside notebook, I realized I was being primed all along for something greater than myself.

Photo: BERETTE MACAULAY

Interestingly, this experience is the medical cause of my

I’ve been so blessed and honored to have done most of the high-profile red carpets and developed a private client list, that I sometimes pinch myself when I consider the blossom of the journey. I’ve traveled by request to several parts of the world to showcase my designs and have diversified my revenue streams to include styling celebrities and athletes as well as costume design for TV shows, films, commercials, music videos, and Photo: MO MENDES

operas. Perseverance is the mother of all creation. I focus on getting the work done, keeping my head above water, and limiting the distractions. I continue to follow the path the universe has aligned for me.

My life purpose is undoubtedly what I am doing now as a business woman, artivist, and designer. It has provided a space to reach people through the I immediately applied many of the business principles I learned in the corporate arena when I launched the business.

The couture gowns we create at Femhéka are one-of-a-kind bespoke pieces, so I knew I had to target the appropriate market.

After my first fashion show, I told myself that I was going to be on the major red carpets and interestingly decided the Academy Awards was going to be the first one. Manifestation is real, tried, and proven. I truly believed I could do it, and I did. My thought is always, stretch the goal to the biggest possibilities and find a way to attain it. The worst that happens is you fall somewhere near, but at least you tried.

I was a corporate sponsor for the Cinerockom International Film Festival in Beverly Hills, California, where I did a fashion show before a celebrity audience, executive producers, and people in the film industry. They were honoring Louis Gossett Jr. and Pamela Anderson that night, and a lot of

art form of fashion, with the philosophy of my brand, which is to awaken the Goddess within. The couture expressions are embedded with meaning and speak not only to clothing; it’s an experience of discovering one’s magic. I discovered my purpose authentically by working with what I was born with. I never studied fashion or art formally; I am self-taught. Divine purposes have a way of seizing you in a moment, then guiding you along the way. You just have to be fearless and believe in yourself.

Stepping into my light and divine purpose activated dormant gifts that I took for granted in the pursuit of the world’s definition of success. I studied Journalism & Media Communication and even went to law school for a year, only to recognize that every skill I’ve monetized were gifts of my spirit.

I was able to find fulfillment within a creative outlet that brought me full circle to the artist in me. In the process of creating, I’ve recreated myself.

I am here to live, not to exist. There is so much inspiration in that, every given day when we are graced with the rise of the sun.

celebrities were in attendance.

Several people came to me afterward to request my information.

Months later, I received a call from film producer Kim Pimentel who told me she loved my designs during the film festival’s fashion show. She wanted to know if one of the gowns she liked was still available because her gown was being shipped from an international designer to wear to the Academy Awards, but it unfortunately was stuck in customs and she didn’t want to risk not having an option.

I wanted to be sure that she had options, so I overnighted six gowns. She called me to let me know that not only did she love them but, by sending pictures while trying on the gowns for feedback, there was interest from three other film producers to wear my designs.

The gowns were there; they wanted to wear them to the Academy’s. No one had to twist my arm; it was a no-brainer to approve. It was also great to know that these ladies changed course with their gowns to wear Femhéka.

So, within the first year of launching my fashion line, we had four of our gowns worn at the Academy Awards, was asked to be one of the design houses to represent my homeland of Jamaica in Canada during our Photo: JULIA SARIY

50th-year anniversary celebrations, received local and international media attention, and have since received three notable awards for my work.

The following year, I was invited to the Cannes Film Festival and dressed actor Michelle Romano and writer Amy Patt. I’ve been doing the award circuits and special events ever since.

Femhéka by Raxann Chin

®

Raxann Chin (@raxannchin @femheka) is an artivist, designer, and founder of Femhéka, based in the US. www.femheka.com • www.saveourjamaica.org www.tutumjournal.com

39

Take the Life Purpose Quiz DISCOVER HOW FAR YOU NEED TO DIG TO RECLAIM YOUR PURPOSE

BY JAN BOWEN

This quiz isn’t meant to reveal your purpose – only you can do that – instead, it draws on decades of experience and research to help you identify ways you may be preventing yourself from reclaiming your purpose.

1.

I wake up knowing what I want to accomplish.

6.

I know why I make the choices I do.

o

The only thing I wake up wanting is coffee.

o

No. I often get my inspiration from watching what others do.

o

Sometimes, depending on how exciting or important it is — or

o

Of course. Otherwise, I wouldn’t make that choice.

how much I’m dreading it.

o

Sometimes.

7.

I feel like I make a difference in the world.

o

Absolutely.

2.

Everything I do is worthwhile in some way.

o

C’mon, me? No. I’m not doing anything special.

o

Sure, it all contributes to the world one way or another, doesn’t it?

o

Sometimes. It depends on what I’m doing.

o

Not really — I mean, sometimes all I do is clean house or go to

o

Yes. In my own way, I know I am making a difference.

8.

When I hear or read about knowing your “why,” I understand

work! o

Not since — …oh, I don’t know the exact date when I did something worthwhile.

exactly what that is because my “why” is crystal clear to me.

3.

A lot of what I do feels trivial.

o

No. The whole topic is overrated. (Why am I taking this quiz?)

o

Well, yes, because I have to take care of lots of details.

o

Sometimes, but then it changes or I get confused.

o

No, things all add up one way or another.

o

Yes. It helps me a lot to stay focused.

o

Sometimes.

9.

My days start out focused on my vision but somewhere

4.

regardless of anyone else’s opinion. o

along the line, I don’t finish what I start.

My choices and activities are very important to me, o

Sometimes, depends on the day and season.

Honestly? Yes. I don’t care what other people think if I’ve

o

You are describing me!

decided something important.

o

Not really. I may not get my entire list accomplished but my

o

It depends on what it is and who it is.

o

Are you kidding? I care about the people in my life!

overall vision is usually accomplished.

10. When I make a mistake or become discouraged, I’m able to recover quickly by putting everything into perspective.

5.

I have lots of reasons for what I do.

o

Yes. Whether I explain what the reasons are, I know why I’m

o

It depends on what it is and how large the error is.

doing what I do.

o

Yes, for the most part.

o

Not always.

o

I hold high standards for myself so, no. I hold myself

o

Sometimes.

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

accountable.

11. When faced with many options of things to do and I want to do them all, I can easily discern which I’ll follow through and finish. o

Bring it on. I’ll get it done.

o

Too many options feel overwhelming.

o

It depends on the choices.

16. I have a good idea of my strengths and abilities. o

Yes.

o

It’s easier for me to ask someone else.

o

I have no clue.

17. I know what I stand for. There are things I absolutely just won’t do because I don’t believe in them.

12. Once I make a decision, I’m pleased with my choice regardless of the result. o

Sometimes.

o

Sure. I know I gave it my best shot.

o

Most of the time I feel at least a little disappointed.

13. I am very comfortable being alone. o

I have way too many great friends and family to want to be

o

Some things, but not all. What do you mean?

o

Yes.

o

I don’t really care about anything all that much.

18. I am a happy person. o

Not really.

o

Yes.

o

Sometimes.

alone. o

I prefer being alone.

o

Even when it isn’t my first choice, I can enjoy my own company.

14. I make sure my time is organized for the maximum benefit.

19. It isn’t that difficult to find reasons to be happy — no matter what is going on. o

Absolutely true statement.

o

It depends on the situation.

o

No. I can be happy most of the time but if there is a serious

o

It depends on the day.

situation or a matter of dire urgency, it’s pretty darn difficult to

o

Yes! I have things to do, places to go, and people to see!

stay happy.

o

I prefer to let my inspiration guide me rather than follow a list.

20. Even though I often know what I want to do, sometimes it just plain scares me.

15. People always want the same thing(s) from me. I know what they’ll ask for even before they ask. o

o

what I’d (secretly) like to do. And honestly, I don’t usually know

It’s always been this way. It’s just the way I am and how life works.

what I want to do. o

o

Sometimes.

o

How could everyone possibly want the same thing? We’re all

Sometimes? Most of the time I’m at least a little afraid to do

Sure, I get scared but that doesn’t stop me from taking action on what’s important to me.

different and I’m not a mind reader.

o

Depends on what’s happening in my life and maybe what mood I’m in.

To get downloadable results of this quiz online, scan the code or visit www.JanLBowen.com.

Jan Bowen (@jlbowen13) is an author, speaker, catalyst, and transformational coach, based in the US. www.janlbowen.com

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Discover Your

LIF E PURPOSE WORKSHEET Finding your life purpose can radically change the course of your life for the better. You’ll feel more focused, motivated, and fulfilled.

Answer these questions to gain a clearer understanding of your life purpose.

1.

Have I been living my life purpose? If not, why not?

2. What advantages would I enjoy if I knew the purpose of my life?

3. If I’m hesitant to find my life purpose, why is that?

4. Have I located at least three guided meditations for finding my life purpose?

5. What is my end goal? How will things look when I live my purpose continuously for years?

6. What can I do each day to move toward realizing my vision?

7.

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How can I monetize my life purpose? Is it necessary?

TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021

Hey, Tutum Sisters!

This fall we decided to play designer and make a range of goodies dedicated to celebrating childless women.

Wear Your Positive Affirmations!

Inspired by childless/childfree women who own their voice, our latest merch is finally here.

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TUTUM JOURNAL fall 2021