GREAT COURT SNIPER REPLACES RIFLE WITH BOW AND ARROW

Great Court Sniper, Hazel Ashley, announced last week that she will be replacing her bullets with love arrows for Valentine’s Day in an attempt to increase recognition of the holiday within Trinity.

The move, which defies centuries of tradition, has been widely criticised by Fellows, with Professor Nicholas Foster explicitly detailing his fears that the arrows could “unleash some form of unhealthy, carnal desire” within students. Professor Foster pointed out that students can’t work while “engaged in amorous congress” and argued that it is “entirely inappropriate for such acts to take place within College premises”. However, the College Council determined that there was no need to block Hazel’s move following her confirmation that “love arrows” was a misnomer, and that the arrows would still be fatal.

In an interview with Travisty, Hazel Ashley said, “Yes, I know it breaks tradition, but I haven’t used a bow and arrow since 1066 and I’m missing it.

“Sniping people is fun, but when you’ve been doing it for the last three hundred years, you start looking for new options.

“Wait—this is all off the record, right? The Fellows are giving me a hard enough time for this already; I don’t want things getting worse.”

While yet to be confirmed with official sources, it is believed that Hazel’s invitation to the Rice Exchange Dinner has now been rescinded.