day Poems

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The Travisty writers add that pinch of love to your lives

A Trinmo Christmas: Continued

Mistletoe last Christmastime didn’t let loose Cupid’s dart. Maybe for this Valentine’s I'll string up some human hearts.

Joe Court

Valentine’s Day Haiku

I love cheesy chips

Cheesy chips with extra cheese And sweet chilli sauce

Fedor Misyura

Write for travisty!

That you were a rower, you were banned from drinking, And your daddy said, “Stay away from nerdy guys!” And I was crying on the pavement

Begging you, “Please don't go!”

And I said,

Rower girl, take me somewhere we can be alone Skip your outing – we need time to have some fun!

I’ll be the Black Prince, you’ll be the princess

It’s a love story, baby, just say “Yes”.

Harry Metrebian

If you feel particularly inspired (in the love department) by any of this week’s poems or stories, please contact our helpline.

If you see Toby looking lost and wandering between courts, make sure you maintain at least twenty feet of separation and don’t feed him. Instead, remind him to take off his red President jumper.

have an amiCabL e CoLL ege divorCe

Megan Crane (left) and Muhammad Manji (right) give you their top tips on college divorces

DO NOT do it over text

Do not message your college husband from the car five minutes after leaving Cambridge in Michaelmas term. This can come as a devastating and unexpected blow to a Fresher’s confidence. Breaking someone’s heart should always be done in person.

DO NOT be unfaithful

Bigamy is bad (note from Kerem: it’s actually illegal, and worse: can get you Deaned).

DO NOT do it over text

Picture the scene: it’s the end of term and you’re looking forward to a relaxing holiday to recover from a particularly brutal Michaelmas. Reclining on a broken plastic chair in Hall, you sip free but tasteless coffee. Out of the blue, you receive a text saying your college marriage “isn’t working” and your wife “needs space”. You spit out your coffee. Clearly things have gotten out of hand.

DO NOT be unfaithful

So, hypothetically, imagine finding out not only that your college ex-wife had moved on quickly but that she had in fact agreed to marry someone else immediately after asking for a divorce. Imagine finding out that she had in fact been plotting this for the past four weeks. This is strictly hypothetical of course, but you’d be outraged, wouldn’t you?

DO accept responsibility

Even though it is (always) his fault, make an effort to be apologetic. Even if he’s an annoying, clingy, boring, exasperating guy, an amicable divorce needs both parties to accept responsibility. Even if only one person is to blame.

DO NOT remarry one of their friends

This can come as a blow to their self-confidence. Also, it can lead to much unwanted contact in the future…

DO minimise future contact

For example, do not write for the same college newspaper. Writing articles together is unadvised and can result in violence.

DO accept responsibility

Even though it’s her fault, you still need to be gracious and accept that you may not be entirely blameless. You were, after all, the one who proposed in the first place.

DO NOT remarry one of their friends

There’s no need to turn one of her closest friends into a reminder of what she walked away from. Unless, of course, that’s exactly what you want to do.

DO minimise future contact

Things may get awkward so the last thing you want to do is spend lots of time together. Imagine writing for the same college newspaper or something…