sponse on time, the court may make orders affecting your marriage or domestic partnership, your property, and custody of your children. You may be ordered to pay Summons support and attorney fees and costs. If you cannot pay the filing fee, ask the clerk for a fee waiver form. If you want legal advice, contact a lawyer immediately. You can get information about finding lawyers at the California Courts Online SelfH e l p C e n t e r (www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp), at the California Legal Services Web site (www.lawhelpcalifornia.org), or by contacting your local county bar association. Tiene 30 días corridos después de haber recibido la entrega legal de esta Citación y Petición para presentar una Respuesta (formulario FL-120 ó FL-123) ante la corte y efectuar la entrega legal de una copia al demandante. Una carta o llamada telefónica no basta para protegerlo. Si no presenta su Respuesta a tiempo, la corte puede dar órdenes que afecten su matrimonio o pareja de hecho, sus bienes y la custodia de sus hijos. La corte también le puede ordenar que pague manutención, y honorarios y costos legales. Si no puede pagar la cuota de presentación, pida al secretario un formulario de exención de cuotas. Si desea obtener asesoramiento legal, póngase en contacto de inmediato con un abogado. Puede obtener información para encontrar a un abogado en el Centro de Ayuda de las Cortes de California (www.sucorte.ca.gov), en el sitio Web de los Servicios Legales de California (www.lawhelpcalifornia.org) o poniéndose en contacto con el colegio de abogados de su condado. NOTICE: The restraining orders on page 2 are effective against both spouses or domestic partners until the petition is dismissed, a judgment is entered, or the court makes further orders. These orders are enforceable anywhere in California by any law enforcement officer who has received or seen a copy of them. AVISO: Las órdenes de restricción que figuran en la página 2 valen para ambos cónyuges o pareja de hecho hasta que se despida la petición, se emita un fallo o la corte dé otras órdenes. Cualquier autoridad de la ley que haya recibido o visto una copia de estas órdenes puede hacerlas acatar en cualquier lugar de California. NOTE: If a judgment or support order is entered, the court may order you to pay all or part of the fees and costs that the court waived for yourself or for the other party. If this happens, the party ordered to pay fees shall be given notice and an opportunity to request a hearing to set aside the order to pay waived court fees. AVISO: Si se emite un fallo u orden de manutención, la corte puede ordenar que usted pague parte de, o todas las cuotas y costos de la corte previamente exentas a petición de usted o de la otra parte. Si esto ocurre, la parte ordenada a pagar estas cuotas debe recibir aviso y la oportunidad de solicitar una audiencia para anular la orden de pagar las cuotas exentas. 1. The name and address of the court are (El nombre y dirección de la corte son): SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES EAST DISTRICT, 400 CIVIC CENTER PLAZA, POMONA, CA 91766 2. The name, address, and telephone number of the petitioner's attorney, or the petitioner without an attorney,
CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES EAST DISTRICT, 400 CIVIC CENTER PLAZA, POMONA, CA 91766 2. The name, address, and telephone number of the petitioner's attorney, or the petitioner without an attorney, are (El nombre, dirección y número de teléfono del abogado del demandante, o del demandante si no tiene abogado, son): LUPE VARGAS, 11212 ROSWELL AVENUE, POMONA, CA 91766, (909) 837-7223 Date (Fecha): May 26, 2021 Sherri R. Carter, Clerk, by (Secretario, por) Alma Cardenas, Deputy (Asistente) PUBLISHED: The Argonaut Newspaper 11/18/21, 11/25/21, 12/02/21, 12/09/21
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I’m a divorced guy in my 40s using dating apps. I’m keenly aware of what I do and don’t want in a woman and make it clear in my profile. For example, I write, “If you’re in a weird co-dependent relationship with a five-pound dog, we are not a match.” A friend looked at my profile and was all, “Man, you have to delete that.” I see no problem with what I’ve written. Who’s right? — Constructive Honesty Admittedly, when people advise women, “Find a man who’s like a dog!” they mean like a big loyal-tothe-death black Lab, not a pursesized poodledoodle that spends a quarter of its life getting foofed up at Monsieur Marcel, the doggie hairdresser. Of course, because a woman has a tiny ridiculous dog doesn’t mean she’s rife with psychological shortcomings. Including that bit in your profile – and especially as you worded it -- says a few things about you, none of them lady-magnetizing. And sure, you wrote, “IF you are...” (in some sort of unhealthy relationship with your micro dog). However, even women who are emotionally together (and maybe even dogfree) are likely to swipe left or knock your profile into the little trash can icon. Most problematically, this remark and other similarly cutting ones in your profile suggest you’re an angry guy: a big flashing skull-’n’-crossbones “STEER CLEAR!” for women. “Anger-prone individuals are volatile and frequently dangerous” – to the point of violence, evolutionary social psychologist Andrew Galperin and his colleagues explain. Women, on average, are smaller, physically weaker, and thus more physically vulnerable than men, which is likely why they err on the side of overperceiving signs that a guy might be a Mr. Angry. In fact, per the Galperin team’s research: “A single instance of angry behavior” in “new acquaintances” is enough to provoke this keepaway motive – even when their anger seems justified by the situation at hand! Your sneering about behavior being “weird” and “co-dependent” is another red flag – suggesting you view life through puke-colored glasses and are quick to think the worst of total strangers. That’s Bigotry 101: using one infobit about an individual to leap to all sorts of ugly assumptions about them. It’s toxic, irrational, and unfair – and, if it’s your go-to thinking, perhaps something to work on changing, lest
you pay an unintended price (both in an ugly-first view of others and in others seeing you as a person to block, delete, and/or avoid). By the way, “co-dependent” is an insulting term that’s in need of either retirement or scientific validation. It’s generally understood to describe two individuals in a persistent dysfunctional dance. The “enabling” individual temporarily eases the suffering of the other person (or pet!) – in ways that, in the long term, are harmful to both. “Co-dependence” was flung on the public by self-help authors – without any scientific basis: no evidence for the long lists of its supposed symptoms. It’s now promiscuously applied to shame people – to the point where showing none of the supposed symptoms gets used as proof of one’s co-dependence! That said, you’re wise to try to proactively shoo off women who are wrong for you, as it could keep you from wasting your time and theirs on the phone (or worse, on a happy hour date that flies by like a week of medieval torture). However, there’s a way to tell the wrong women, “Yoohoo, move on!” without coming off scolding or demeaning (and in turn throwing out the babes with the bathwater). Probably the best constructive yoohoo is subtle fact-stating, like mentioning you’re an atheist to discourage interest from those on Team God. Similarly, in the “Who am I?” portion on a dating app, a 40-something, Johnny Depp-alicious hottie of a guy posted, “Living a plant-based life,” suggesting he doesn’t just eat vegan; it’s major in his identity. If, like me, you are committed to “steak-based living,” you know to give a big sad pass to Mr. Pirates of the Cauliflower-ribbean. It’s tempting to try to escape the emotional toddlers by announcing you’re seeking someone “psychologically healthy” or “emotionally solid.” Probably pretty useless. Those who have an unhealthy relationship with their dog – or their mom, crystal meth or tennis – are often the last to know or admit it. Ultimately, you might simply accept that you’ll likely end up on a date or two with women you’d do anything to avoid. Keep first dates casual – like meeting for coffee for an hour – and your disasters will at least be Hobbesian: nasty, brutish, and short. Finally, I must say – while typing this with my tiny, “My Little Pony”-like Chinese crested curled up asleep in my lap: Five pounds of dog may elicit laughs – till it’s cleanup time and you need a single sheet of Kleenex instead of a backhoe.
GOT A PROBLEM? Write to Amy Alkon at 171 Pier Ave, Ste. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email her at AdviceAmy@aol.com.
©2021, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Alkon’s latest book is “Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence.” Follow @amyalkon on Twitter or visit blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon.
DECEMBER 2, 2021 THE ARGONAUT PAGE 23
