16 minute read
ADVICE GODDESS
sponse on time, the court may make orders affecting your marriage or domestic partnership, your property, and custody of your children. SummonsYou may be ordered support and attorne to y f pa ee y s and costs. If you cannot pay the filing fee, ask the clerk for a fee waiver form. If you want legal advice, contact a lawyer immediately. You can get information about finding lawyers at the California Courts Online SelfH e l p C e n t e r (www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp), at the California Legal S e r v i c e s W e b s i t e (www.lawhelpcalifornia.org), or by contacting your local county bar association. Tiene 30 días corridos después de haber recibido la entrega legal de esta Citación y Petición para presentar una Respuesta (formulario FL-120 ó FL-123) ante la corte y efectuar la entrega legal de una copia al demandante. Una carta o llamada telefónica no basta para protegerlo. Si no presenta su Respuesta a tiempo, la corte puede dar órdenes que afecten su matrimonio o pareja de hecho, sus bienes y la custodia de sus hijos. La corte también le puede ord e n a r q u e p a g u e manutención, y honorarios y costos legales. Si no puede p a g a r l a c u o t a d e presentación, pida al secretario un formulario de exención de cuotas. Si desea obtener asesoramiento legal, póngase en contacto de inmediato con un abogado. Puede obtener información para encontrar a un abogado en el Centro de Ayuda de las Cortes de California (www.sucorte.ca.gov), en el sitio Web de los Servicios Legales de California (www.lawhelpcalifornia.org) o poniéndose en contacto con el colegio de abogados de su condado. NOTICE: The restraining orders on page 2 are effective against both spouses or domestic partners until the petition is dismissed, a judgment is entered, or the court makes further orders. These orders are enforceable anywhere in California by any law enforcement officer who has received or seen a copy of them. AVISO: Las órdenes de restricción que figuran en la página 2 valen para ambos cónyuges o pareja de hecho hasta que se despida la petición, se emita un fallo o la corte dé otras órdenes. Cualquier autoridad de la ley que haya recibido o visto una copia de estas órdenes puede hacerlas acatar en cualquier lugar de California. NOTE: If a judgment or support order is entered, the court may order you to pay all or part of the fees and costs that the court waived for yourself or for the other party. If this happens, the party ordered to pay fees shall be given notice and an opportunity to request a hearing to set aside the order to pay waived court fees. AVISO: Si se emite un fallo u orden de manutención, la corte puede ordenar que usted pague parte de, o todas las cuotas y costos de la corte previamente exentas a petición de usted o de la otra parte. Si esto ocurre, la parte ordenada a pagar estas cuotas debe recibir aviso y la oportunidad de solicitar una audiencia para anular la orden de pagar las cuotas exentas. 1. The name and address of the court are (El nombre y dirección de la corte son): SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES EAST DISTRICT, 400 CIVIC CENTER PLAZA, POMONA, CA 91766 2. The name, address, and telephone number of the petitioner's attorney, or the petitioner without an attorney, CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES EAST DISTRICT, 400 CIVIC CENTER PLAZA, POMONA, CA 91766 2. The name, address, and telephone number of the petitioner's attorney, or the petitioner without an attorney, are (El nombre, dirección y número de teléfono del abogado del demandante, o del demandante si no tiene abogado, son): LUPE VARGAS, 11212 ROSWELL AVENUE, POMONA, CA 91766, (909) 837-7223 Date (Fecha): May 26, 2021 Sherri R. Carter, Clerk, by (Secretario, por) Alma Cardenas, Deputy (Asistente) PUBLISHED: The Argonaut Newspaper 11/18/21, 11/25/21, 12/02/21, 12/09/21
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BARK RANGER
I’m a divorced guy in my 40s using dating apps. I’m keenly aware of what I do and don’t want in a woman and make it clear in my profile. For example, I write, “If you’re in a weird co-dependent relationship with a five-pound dog, we are not a match.” A friend looked at my profile and was all, “Man, you have to delete that.” I see no problem with what I’ve written. Who’s right? — Constructive Honesty
Admittedly, when people advise women, “Find a man who’s like a dog!” they mean like a big loyal-tothe-death black Lab, not a pursesized poodledoodle that spends a quarter of its life getting foofed up at Monsieur Marcel, the doggie hairdresser. Of course, because a woman has a tiny ridiculous dog doesn’t mean she’s rife with psychological shortcomings. Including that bit in your profile – and especially as you worded it -- says a few things about you, none of them lady-magnetizing. And sure, you wrote, “IF you are...” (in some sort of unhealthy relationship with your micro dog). However, even women who are emotionally together (and maybe even dogfree) are likely to swipe left or knock your profile into the little trash can icon. Most problematically, this remark and other similarly cutting ones in your profile suggest you’re an angry guy: a big flashing skull-’n’-crossbones “STEER CLEAR!” for women. “Anger-prone individuals are volatile and frequently dangerous” – to the point of violence, evolutionary social psychologist Andrew Galperin and his colleagues explain. Women, on average, are smaller, physically weaker, and thus more physically vulnerable than men, which is likely why they err on the side of overperceiving signs that a guy might be a Mr. Angry. In fact, per the Galperin team’s research: “A single instance of angry behavior” in “new acquaintances” is enough to provoke this keepaway motive – even when their anger seems justified by the situation at hand!
Your sneering about behavior being “weird” and “co-dependent” is another red flag – suggesting you view life through puke-colored glasses and are quick to think the worst of total strangers. That’s Bigotry 101: using one infobit about an individual to leap to all sorts of ugly assumptions about them. It’s toxic, irrational, and unfair – and, if it’s your go-to thinking, perhaps something to work on changing, lest you pay an unintended price (both in an ugly-first view of others and in others seeing you as a person to block, delete, and/or avoid).
By the way, “co-dependent” is an insulting term that’s in need of either retirement or scientific validation. It’s generally understood to describe two individuals in a persistent dysfunctional dance. The “enabling” individual temporarily eases the suffering of the other person (or pet!) – in ways that, in the long term, are harmful to both. “Co-dependence” was flung on the public by self-help authors – without any scientific basis: no evidence for the long lists of its supposed symptoms. It’s now promiscuously applied to shame people – to the point where showing none of the supposed symptoms gets used as proof of one’s co-dependence!
That said, you’re wise to try to proactively shoo off women who are wrong for you, as it could keep you from wasting your time and theirs on the phone (or worse, on a happy hour date that flies by like a week of medieval torture). However, there’s a way to tell the wrong women, “Yoohoo, move on!” without coming off scolding or demeaning (and in turn throwing out the babes with the bathwater).
Probably the best constructive yoohoo is subtle fact-stating, like mentioning you’re an atheist to discourage interest from those on Team God. Similarly, in the “Who am I?” portion on a dating app, a 40-something, Johnny Depp-alicious hottie of a guy posted, “Living a plant-based life,” suggesting he doesn’t just eat vegan; it’s major in his identity. If, like me, you are committed to “steak-based living,” you know to give a big sad pass to Mr. Pirates of the Cauliflower-ribbean.
It’s tempting to try to escape the emotional toddlers by announcing you’re seeking someone “psychologically healthy” or “emotionally solid.” Probably pretty useless. Those who have an unhealthy relationship with their dog – or their mom, crystal meth or tennis – are often the last to know or admit it.
Ultimately, you might simply accept that you’ll likely end up on a date or two with women you’d do anything to avoid. Keep first dates casual – like meeting for coffee for an hour – and your disasters will at least be Hobbesian: nasty, brutish, and short. Finally, I must say – while typing this with my tiny, “My Little Pony”-like Chinese crested curled up asleep in my lap: Five pounds of dog may elicit laughs – till it’s cleanup time and you need a single sheet of Kleenex instead of a backhoe.
GOT A PROBLEM? Write to Amy Alkon at 171 Pier Ave, Ste. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email her at AdviceAmy@aol.com.
Preserving an Almost-Lost Narrative
By Bridgette M. Redman
Museums help to protect history from being lost. In Culver City, the Wende Museum is opening the Robin Center for Russian-Speaking Jewry in an effort to preserve the history of the Soviet Jewish experience, particularly those who applied for exit visas and subsequently faced discrimination or were disciplined when their visas were refused. They became known as “Refuseniks” and they founded a movement of protest and culture that lasted from the 1970s to the early 1990s. Underwritten by Edward and Peggy Robin, two Wende Museum Board and Committee members, the Robin Center was started pre-pandemic and has been in the works since then. In addition to being a home for archival materials, the Center will offer ongoing programming to interact with the material. The first exhibition related to the Center will be “Soviet Jewish Life: Bill Aron and Yevgeniy Fiks.” It will be on display from Nov. 14 through March 20. The Wende Museum focuses on collecting, preserving and providing access to a wide range of media having to do with socialism during the Cold War era (1945-1991). Also opening at the same time is an exhibition called “Questionable History.” “I was involved in the Soviet Jewry, which was a major international, human rights movement,” said Edward Robin. “A photographer friend of mine, Bill Aron, was an important figure because he went to Russia, then the Soviet Union, and took memorable photographs of refuseniks, the Jews who applied to emigrate and were refused permission and often lost their jobs.”
Creating the Robin Center
Robin said they reached out to the Russian-speaking Jewish community in the U.S., Israel and Russia. In doing so, they discovered that there is a real interest in this history now that it is 30 years old. As they reached out, they had people start to donate materials that have never been seen in public before. These included things like a daily bulletin circulated among the members of the protest movement, an underground newspaper, and pamphlets that the Soviet Jewry made to communicate with each other. They hope in the future to do such activities as having someone come in to teach children and young adults how to create their own underground pamphlets and magazines. “There is more coming in on a regular basis,” Robin said. “We know we have what has already become a world-class historical archive from that period from the participants — not just from American observers of what was going on. Much of it is for scholars, most of it is in Russian. Some Russian-speaking academics have glanced at it and think it is a treasure trove.” The Wende Museum, which will celebrate its 20th anniversary next year, has always been interested in overlooked and underappreciated stories of people who experienced something in life that will resonate with others, said the museum’s founder. “I certainly think right now with immigration and protests and opposition and dissidents — these are all of the things that this movement entailed,” said Justinian Jampol, executive director and founder of the museum. “The Wende is always trying to find the connective tissue between the there and the here and the then and the now.” Jampol pointed out that Russianspeaking Jews are an important community in LA that has been here for decades. He also acknowledges that the work the museum does isn’t always easy to digest. People can’t consume it in an hour and leave with selfies. “Our mission is almost like an onion where you have to unpeel the layers,” Jampol said. “I think ultimately healing is deeply rewarding and memorable and important. Sometimes what that means in practice is that our exhibitions have to do a lot of informing and providing context as a way to engage people. We’re always trying to look for those on-ramps to the freeway for people, whether design or history or fashion or politics.” Robin insisted that because of the topics and themes and the amount of time that has gone by, people are ready to re-engage in this part of history. Jampol said that upon releasing the news, they had immediate interest in the project. “In almost 20 years, I don’t think there has been as much interest in any project that we’ve done as much as this one,” Jampol said. “It’s exactly what we should be doing.” He stressed that this exhibition is just the launch of the Robin Center and they are engaging in a
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE WENDE MUSEUM
The Robin Center for Russian-Speaking Jewry will preserve the history of the Soviet Jewish experience and make it accessible to scholars as well as the general public with an emphasis on engagement with archival materials through artmaking workshops and educational activities. multi-year initiative and beyond that involves digitizing the archives and making them accessible for free online. “Usually we exhibit and we move on,” Jampol said. “This is something different in that it is just the start of a long and more robust project that we’re going to be working on for the next many, many years.”
Opening exhibition features two artists
The “Soviet Jewish Life” exhibition features 27 of Aron’s photographic images from 1981. In a press release from the Wende, it was said that Soviet customs officers attempted to confiscate his negatives when he was leaving. However, he had packed a bag of decoy film which saved the originals from being taken. Fiks left Moscow in 1994 at age 22 and creates multimedia projects about Soviet history. These projects will also be on display as part of the exhibit. “As a result of Bill’s efforts, we were able to put a face on the people he advocated for. It added a human touch,” Robin said. “I referred him to Justin. They met and Bill became a fan of the museum.” Jampol pointed out that it is one thing to talk about or read about a community in need, it is another to be able to see human faces and how people are suffering or responding to the realities around them. That, he says, is what Aron did with his photographs. “What he captures is a real spirit of the sense of desire to express a cultural as well as a religious identity — which were both suppressed,” Jampol said. “They would have underground Hebrew lessons which were not allowed. They would worship outside the synagogue and in people’s homes because there was a stigma attached and risk to being religious in the USSR. Bill captured these moments that give future generations the implicit message that they’re going to have to face this harsh reality without some kind of intervention or help.”
Exhibition questions history
able History,” delves into symbols and what they have to say about history. It is designed to ask questions about the character of historical knowledge and the stories we tell about the past. At the center of the exhibition is Vladimir Lenin and how his reputation and representation has evolved over time. There are presentations of historical lenses from such people as Friedrich Nietzsche, Michel Foucault and Pierre Bourdieu. It also has contemporary work from modern artists who challenge the iconography surrounding Lenin.
Wende Museum focuses on its specialty
The Wende Museum, which is underwritten by the Arcadia Fund, specializes in at-risk and endangered collections. Their funders are the Genesis Philanthropy Group. “You can’t write histories about people where there is no evidence,” Jampol said. “It’s been a way that people have systemically been removed from historical records, by destroying evidence. It is why the team and myself are so passionate about what we do. If we weren’t there, a lot of these things would slip through our collective fingers and be lost forever.” “This collection has been under beds and in closets at a time where representation is so important,” Jampol continued. “The Soviet Jewry movement has only been told from the American side and while incredibly effective and successful — thank goodness for Ed and people like him — we also need the people who are the subject, the Russian Jews themselves, to tell their stories. What is surprising is how little information has been preserved about their experience. It is an opportunity for the Wende to save the historical record and to make sure they have a voice.”
What: The Robin Center for Russian-Speaking Jewry Where: The Wende Museum, 10808 Culver Blvd., Culver City When: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday to Sunday Admission: Free wendemuseum.org
