Becoming HER by Shamika Sledge vol 2

Becoming HER s o f t , l o v i n g , g e n t l e

Before we jump right with book number 2 in I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself and how I came across this femininity journey. I started around four years ago. When my relationships weren't working out, putting up with the same ole song, cheating, crazy talk, no regard for my true happiness and they didn't respect my boundaries. I had to think, "what is the common denominator?" Me! I was the storyline in each relationship so if I wanted real change in my life I had to step back, put dating on pause and truly figure who I was and what I wanted from myself and my spouse. It's safe to say I know the answer now, I've done a complete 180 & leveled myself up mentally, physically and emotionally, and will continue to do so! Sharing these beginner steps with woman around the world gives me joy and a new found purpose. Every lady should know what it feels like to be free to frolic, have soft energy, to be adored, loved, covered and reassured. These steps will help you get started on your way to becoming the self sufficient woman you never knew you could be!

01 chapter

Being a feminine woman starts with understanding and embracing what it means to be a woman. It can be as simple as taking time to appreciate the beauty of the world around you, developing a style that feels comfortable and true to yourself, and practicing selfcare. You may also want to express your femininity through your choice of clothing, hairstyle, and makeup. Additionally, cultivate a positive attitude and outlook on life, while being kind and considerate towards others. Above all, remember that femininity is unique to each individual and should be celebrated.

Aside from looking the part you should start with your innear self first, as we discussed in my first book "The Sassy Damsel". This journey to Becoming HER is all about healing and throwing what you use to know and think out the window. Yes it will dig up the past, yes you might lose friends but the future is going to be so much brighter for you. Trust me and the thousands of other woman who have started this journey before you. You've got this!

how to B e c o m e g e n t l e

Becoming a gentle woman requires a lot of patience and self-discipline. Start by being kind and respectful to yourself and others. Take time for yourself to reflect, relax, and practice self-care. Develop a strong moral code and strive to be honest and humble in your actions. Show courtesy and compassion to those around you and work to build meaningful relationships. Take time to learn and practice good manners and etiquette, as well as good grooming habits. Finally, practice mindful thinking and speaking, and be sure to always think before you act. With patience and practice, you will become a gentle woman

Photo by Reign Abarintos

Are you

a c a l m l a d y ?

Being a calm lady is an admirable trait and it's wonderful that you are looking to control your temper. A great place to start is to practice mindful breathing. When you start to feel your temper rising, take a few deep breaths, focusing on breathing in and out. This can help you to regain control of your emotions. " .

Additionally, it can be helpful to take a few moments to think before reacting. Ask yourself questions like, "What can I do to calm myself down?" or "How will I feel if I take a moment to think before responding?". Finally, it can be helpful to practice positive self-talk. For example, when you start to feel your temper rising, try saying something like "I can handle this situation calmly and with grace

CREATING A CHART FOR SETTING INTENTIONS AND ASPIRATIONS FOR A NEW YOU CAN BE A GREAT WAY TO START THE JOURNEY OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT. HERE ARE SOME TIPS

Start by writing down your goals – write down all the things you want to achieve and be clear about the steps you need to take to get there

Break your goals into smaller, achievable steps – this makes it easier to track your progress and stay motivated.

Set a timeline – decide when you want to achieve each goal and create a timeline that works for you.

Track your progress – set up a way to track your progress towards each goal and use it to stay motivated.

Celebrate your successes – give yourself credit for each step you take and celebrate your successes along the way.

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Reinvent yourself

Reinventing yourself into a feminine single woman, wife and/or mother is an exciting journey! Start by focusing on the aspects of femininity that are most important to you. Do you prefer to have a more traditional approach to femininity or are you looking to express yourself in a more modern and creative way? Once you have identified what is important to you, you can start to make small changes in your everyday life. Try to wear clothing that makes you feel more feminine, experiment with different hairstyles,colors and lengths and make time for activities that make you feel more connected to your femininity. Additionally, find ways to build intimacy with your partner and invest in quality time with your children. Finally, don’t forget to make time for yourself to relax and recharge. With a little bit of effort and dedication, you can create a fulfilling, feminine lifestyle that works for you.

Photo by Ray Hennessy

02 chapter

Journaling is a great way to process and understand your thoughts and feelings. Writing down your thoughts and feelings allows you to reflect on them in a more meaningful way. This can help you gain insight and clarity into your past experiences and how they are impacting your life today.

Journaling can help you to identify patterns in your behavior and thought processes. By recognizing these patterns, you can work to create healthier habits and build resilience to work through any feelings that arise from your past.

Journaling can be a form of self-care. It can provide you with an outlet to express yourself safely and openly. This can help you to process and cope with difficult emotions in a healthy way.

Photo by Content Pixie

Writing in a journal can help you to understand yourself better. By exploring your thoughts and feelings, you can gain more insight into your motivations and values. This can be a powerful tool to help you make positive changes in your life.

Journaling can give you perspective. When you look back at your entries, you can gain a better understanding of how far you have come and how much progress you have made. This can help you to stay motivated and continue to heal.

Journaling can help you to release the past. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to let go of the pain and hurt of the past. This can help you to create a healthier relationship with your memories and move forward with your life.

Also called Shadow work.

Matthew 6:25-34

"Dont worry sis, it's unproductive" (paraphrased)

W h a t a r e b o u n d a r i e s ?

Boundaries are a way of setting limits and establishing expectations in relationships. They are important for helping individuals establish healthy relationships and protect their mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or both. They can be set with friends, family, coworkers, and romantic partners. It’s important to be direct and clear when setting boundaries. It’s also important to listen to the boundaries of others and respect them. It’s also important to be mindful of not only your own boundaries but those of the other person and not to cross them.

Enforcing boundaries can be done in a variety of ways. It’s important to be firm and consistent when communicating boundaries and to not be afraid to say no. It’s also important to be assertive and to use nonverbal cues such as body language to make it clear that the boundaries are not to be crossed. Additionally, if someone does cross a boundary, it’s important to be direct and clear in communicating that the behavior is not acceptable and to not be afraid to set consequences for the person who crossed the boundary.

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Photo by Le Minh Phuon

This is why people in the feminine world tell you it's ok and imperative that you have both masculine and feminine energy, just more of the feminine obviously. Setting clear boundaries doesn't mean announcing them to world, it just means not to let anyone disrespect them, downplay it or continuously cross them when you clearly set them and verbalized a situation that you don't like or is making you uncomfortable. This can still be done without blowing up, getting physical or worse. But, if not than sis, do not be afraid to defend yourself! Boundaries can range from being touched, called after a certain hour, wearing your clothing (sisters understand this all to well), trying to make you go somewhere or do something you already said no to, etc. These are crossing your boundaries and it should be addressed. It's ok to cut people out of your life who do not respect you or these lines. Loving others from a distant saves you a lot of stress and heart break.

EVERY MOMENT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

3

You are what you Listen To...

Listening to uplifting and motivating music, especially as a black woman can help to boost self-confidence and provide a reminder of one's worth and potential. It can provide an escape from the everyday stressors of life and help to promote a sense of inner peace and calm.

Uplifting and motivating music can help to provide a sense of hope and optimism for the future, inspiring one to strive for their goals and dreams.

Listening to uplifting and motivating music can provide a reminder of the shared experiences of the black community, and help to foster a sense of shared identity. It has the potential to provide a source of positive energy and motivation, helping to motivate one to take action and strive for success.

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Photo by Lucas Lenzi

classical music are known to bring a sense of peace and relaxation.

Jazz – Soft jazz tunes with soothing saxophone and piano riffs are often used to help people unwind and destress.

New Age Music – This genre blends a mix of traditional instruments and modern technology to create a peaceful atmosphere.

Nature Sounds – The gentle sound of birds chirping, the ocean waves crashing, and the rustling of the trees can be incredibly calming.

Ambient Music – Ambient music is usually instrumental and has a slower tempo. Its purpose is to provide an atmosphere of calmness and relaxation.

Reggae – Reggae is a musical style that has a laid-back vibe, with a focus on creating an atmosphere of relaxation and peace.

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Photo by Lucia Macedo

There are many places where you can find a calm environment to listen to relaxing music. One option is to visit a local library, where you can enjoy the quiet atmosphere and browse through the selection of music. Another option is to visit a yoga studio, where you can find a peaceful atmosphere and listen to soothing music. You can also go to a park, sit under a tree, and listen to calming sounds from nature. Finally, you can just stay home and enjoy your favourite relaxing music while having a cup of tea.

04 chapter

Ask for help

Hiring a homekeeper can be a great way for women to ensure their home is kept clean and organized. It can be especially beneficial for those who have a busy work schedule, ladies who need stress off their plate, or are managing a family. A homekeeper can help to keep the home tidy, handle chores like laundry and grocery shopping, and even help to plan meals. This can free up time for busy women to focus on their work, spend quality time with family, or even enjoy some muchneeded self-care. Having a homekeeper can also be a great way to maintain a stress-free and comfortable home environment, allowing busy women to focus on the important things.

But how?!

Make time for self-care. Keep in mind self care and self maintenance are two completely different things. Taking time out of your day to do something that brings you joy and reduces your stress can be a great way to help yourself. Examples of self-care activities could include taking a walk, reading a book, or spending time in nature. Maintenance would be getting your hair/nails done, massage, new outfit, spa treatment etc.

Connect with a supportive network of people, like "Accountability Sistas". Connecting with friends, family, or a counselor can help provide a listening ear and offer advice. Knowing that you have a supportive network of people to reach out to can reduce stress significantly.

Practice breathing and mindfulness exercises. Taking a few minutes to focus on your breath and be mindful of the present moment can help reduce stress. There are many different methods of mindfulness and breathing exercises that can help you stay in the present moment and focus on the positives. Seek professional help. If the stress is becoming too overwhelming, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a professional therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space to discuss your feelings and offer advice and resources to help reduce stress.

Exercise regularly. Exercise has been shown to improve mood and reduce stress. Even if it’s just a few minutes of stretching or a walk around the block, getting some physical activity in can help reduce stress.

SELFCARE SELFCAREChecklist

Drinkaglassofwatertostarttheday

Enjoy45minutesofexercise

Getsomefreshair

Haveahealthybreakfast

Enjoyawarmmorningdrink

Planoutyourdayinyourplanner

Stretchyourbody

Takeregularbreaks

Enjoysomesunshine

Takehot/Coldbathorshower

Readsomethingmeaningful

Playsomeinvigoratingmusic

Disconnect

Eatahealthysnack

Winddownbyavoidingbrightlightatnight

Getinbedbefore10pm

T W TH F SA SU

LETHIM!

This is another way to allow help from others to make your day and others a little better

If you are apart of our private ladies group on facebook than you know we use this phrase often. "Let him" means to sit back relax & allow yourself to be vulnerable, rather you slow down so a man can open a door for you or say "Thank you" when a stranger gives you a compliment.

Learn to trust your intuition and follow your heart. Trust that you’ll know when a man is genuine and trustworthy. Communicate openly and honestly with the man in your life. Share your feelings and allow yourself to be vulnerable with him.

Take the time to learn about the man’s needs and concerns, and be willing to listen and be supportive. Don’t be afraid to show emotion and affection. Acknowledge and express your love, and be open to receiving love in return.

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Allow yourself to take risks, and be open to new experiences and growth. Learn to overcome any fears of vulnerability and embrace the opportunities that love can bring.

Photo by Annie Spratt

WHAT ARE YOUR STANDARDS?

These days dating is a bit different but your morals and standards should remain steady and command respect and courtesy.

DEVELOP A STRATEGY

Raising your standards as a lady and demanding courtesy is a great way to show respect for yourself and those around you. It's important to remember that when you treat yourself with respect and demand it from others, you are setting a positive example not just for yourself, but for those around you. Here are some tips to help you raise your standards and demand courtesy:

Speak up for yourself. If someone is being disrespectful or rude to you, don't be afraid to speak up and tell them that you expect to be treated with respect.

Set a good example. Show people how you expect to be treated by speaking kindly to them and treating them with courtesy. Surround yourself with people who treat you with respect. If you have people in your life who don't treat you with respect, it's time to start finding new friends or activity partners who do. Don't be afraid to walk away. If someone isn't treating you with courtesy, walking away is sometimes the best solution. Make sure that you treat yourself with respect. This is the most important part of raising your standards as a lady. Treat yourself with kindness, love, and respect, and you'll find that other people will do the same.

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Photo by Tyler Nix

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HIGH EARNER AND A HIGH VALUE PERSON

A high value person is someone who is highly esteemed by others for their character, skills, and contributions to society. A high earner person is someone who makes a lot of money, either through their own business or through investments. Both high value and high earner people can have positive impacts on their community and society, but the defining difference between them is the way they achieve success.

Dating or becoming friends with a high value person can bring a variety of benefits that can help to improve your life in many different ways. High value people tend to have a wide network of contacts, allowing you to meet new people and broaden your social circle They can also offer a different perspective on life, allowing you to gain new insights and experiences. Additionally, they can provide guidance and support in times of need, as well as motivating and inspiring you to reach your goals. Ultimately, having a high value person in your life can help you to become a better version of yourself and achieve more.

Dating or becoming friends with a high earner can bring a lot of unique benefits to a relationship. Firstly, being around someone with a higher income can open you up to a new social circle with access to exclusive events and activities. Secondly, they may be able to provide financial assistance to help you reach your personal goals. Finally, their experience and resources can help you to grow personally and professionally. All in all, friendship or dating with a high earner could be an incredibly rewarding experience.

PhotobyInesSayadi

CHAPTER 6 SELF LOVE

Photo by Thought Catalog

Whatis self love?

Do you really love yourself or are you just maintaining your self image?

Practicing positive self-talk This includes speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding, and avoiding negative self-talk

Taking care of your physical health

Self-love is the practice of caring for oneself and developing a positive relationship with oneself. It is important to recognize, accept, and love yourself for who you are. Here are some examples of self-love: 1 2 3.

This includes eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Spending time doing activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled. This can include reading, going for walks, playing sports, or anything else that brings you joy.

This also includes how you allow others to talk to you. Take time to write in your journal how you want to improve your self love; in how you look, talk, show up, cook, smell, clean, pamper and allow yourself to be creative.

Photo by Taisiia Stupak

Self love flows over to those you love.

Practicing self-love as a parent can help reduce stress and anxiety. When you take time to nurture your own wellbeing, you're better equipped to handle the pressures of parenting.

Practicing self-love as a parent can help you become a better role model for your children. When you prioritize your own wellbeing, you show your children the importance of taking care of themselves.

Practicing self-love as a parent can help you become a better listener.

When you take time to understand your own needs and feelings, you’re better able to understand and empathize with your children .

Practicing self-love as a parent can help you become a better problem solver. When you’re in tune with your own emotions and needs, you can better handle any parenting challenges that may arise

Practicing self-love as a parent can help you become a more patient and compassionate parent. When you prioritize your own wellbeing, you’re better able to provide love and support to your children

Photo by Sai De Silva