Healing from Abuse By Ms Simone
espite all that I have been through, I can honestly say I am extremely proud of myself. I never really analyzed the abilities I possessed. Growing up in a toxic environment as a child forced me to grow up faster than I expected. My mom was dedicated in her career, at least, so I thought, but she in fact, was using her career as a trauma blockage. I saw her grind her entire life to provide my wants and needs and a lifestyle I always admired. Being subjected to abuse, I use work as a means to have my problems out of sight and out of mind. I always involved myself in-between family fights to keep the love and peace. While my mom was at work, my father slept the entire day. I consumed myself with the show “Barney.” Love was all I ever desired as long as I could remember.
D
just an appetizer for these predators. I became their breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My parents had no idea I was in the streets heavily since the age of 12. I was always book savvy, but then I fell in love with the streets. I began to look for love in all of the wrong places, until one day at age 28; it hit me like a MAC TRUCK. I was operating out of FEAR, not LOVE which I then found out my adult relationships were mirrored by my childhood. I was not taught how to set healthy boundaries at an early age. I was codependent. I was living in a constant state of fear until I reached out for help and began to focus on my internal issues so it can project outwards. Rather than searching for love in Subconsciously, I began to atmen, drugs, sex, enduring abusive tract dope boys. I had it all, the money, the clothes, diamonds, relationships that should’ve been and drugs. Young dudes or old, I discarded long before they startdidn’t have a preference; I settled ed, I found out the hard way in for anything. Without the proper life that the love I deeply yearned knowledge, I had no idea I was for is, in fact, an inside job.
Things got quite boring in my life once my siblings moved out of the home and older cousins started to disappear. I was bored out of my mind but I consumed myself with reading and writing. I always shrunk myself to be able to fit in with the crowds in school. That’s when I consumed myself in “urban books.” I loved the idea of the neighborhood dope boy saving a girl from out of the hood and providing her with financial stability. Money, cars, clothes, diamonds, drugs, all that fascinated me and I was determined to live my happy-ever-after and live out one of my childhood stories “Cinderella.”
SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE
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