3 minute read

MY LIFE

by Anndena

Born December 25, I was the last of four children. I was a chubby, high colored little girl. Some said I was very antisocial; my face was always looking mean. I was molested by my stepdad at the age of nine. Reading and school was my way of hiding my pain and I did very well at it.

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My mom always says not everything that glitters is gold. My high school boyfriend came back in my life. What more? I wasn’t expecting anything from him because I could take care of myself. He was very charming. Although I let him know that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, he said he wanted to marry me and settle down. I fell for it. All I wanted was someone to love me and make me feel special, and I thought I found it. What I liked about him was that I could talk to him about things. But that was a wrong move because he used it back against me.

Over time, I realized he has demanding taste, and all the baggage he came with. I found out later that he had a new born child back where he was. I was mad when I found out. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I yelled in frustration. Oh, well, I accepted it because I found out I was already pregnant too. I told him. “What? Are you crazy? No, I don’t want another child, no, no.”

I watched him drink 3 bottles of vodka without food or anything, and I thought maybe because it’s a celebration of mom out of the nursing home so everyone is drinking, why not. No, it’s a lifestyle. He would drink and get high from 6pm till 4am in the morning, mean drunk.

Consequently, his anger grew and grew till on June 16, he hit me with his necklace and beat me so badly. I was pregnant at the time. I was so shocked I couldn’t believe it. I called his cousin and told her and she said she was going to talk to him.

However, the abuse got worse. He would just punch me in the face, punch me by the side of my head. He burned me with cigarettes,

while I was pregnant. He used to tell me how fat I was, how stupid I was, how dumb I was. He said I was the stupidest person he has ever been with, and he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t want me.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you are the reason I am get counseling for us, but he turned it down. One day he used the pot to beat me, he was aiming for my head, but I blocked it with my hands. So I got 7 hits on each hand. He used his knife to poke my side, the mop stick to hit me across my back, the pressing iron to beat me on my knuckles, punch the side of my head, in my jaw, and on my ears.

Throughout my life journey and pain, I have been Bent a lot of times, but I have never been Broken. Never try to think that they are going to change; an abuser never changes. Do not sell yourself short feeling that you are not worthy; you are worthy, you re beautiful. Take your power back; take your voice, speak up, do not keep it a secret. Stop feeling embarrassed, you’re not alone. Healing comes when you face the truth about what is happing in your life. I had to come face to face with the underlying problems that stem from my childhood. I had to learn to forgive the people that did me wrong. First, I had to learn to forgive myself for allowing the things I did allow, which caused me to lose the person I was. I am turning my pain into power. I am standing up for myself. I will no longer let anyone talk down to me. For a while, I hated looking in the mirror; I hated my body because of being called fat. But now, I am comfortable in my body. I love looking in the mirror. I no longer hear the voices echo in my head. When I look in the mirror, all I see is greatness, success, life, worthiness, happiness.

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