*Special Issue* Dec 2023/Jan 2024 Raising Confident Mothers

raising ISSUE SEVEN

CONFIDENT MOTHERS

TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT?

Overcome Self-Doubt and Discover a Career You Love

STAY OR GO?

Simple Steps to Make an Empowering Decision

MOVE FORWARD WITH CONFIDENCE No Matter Your Decision

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE OTHER ISSUES OF RCM Don’t miss your source for inspiration in 2024 Subscribe today at raisingconfidentmothers.com

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Surviving to Thriving: Navigating a Toxic Work Environment L

We’re closing out one year and opening the next one. It’s a time to celebrate joy and peace (and hopefully get at least a few days off work).

In a recent poll by Fortune Magazine, 64% of Americans said they’ve experienced a “toxic work environment.” Many people point to leadership that is disrespectful, abusive, non-inclusive, unethical, or cutthroat for this.

But while we quickly blame others for making us feel stuck or dissatisfied, we often fail to recognize our role in how we experience our work environments.

That’s because your circumstances don’t create frustration – your thoughts do that. This also means that you have the power to create peace in your life.

You deserve a life of thriving, not surviving. There are practical steps you can take NOW to stop dreading your job and start creating a work life you love.

Your circumstances don’t necessarily have to change to change how you think and feel about them. (However, if you want to change a circumstance, you can do that too.)

Either path becomes much easier with the support of the life coaching techniques you’ll find in this guidebook.

The resources here will help you: decide whether to stay or leave your job, take confident and intentional steps forward, and overcome obstacles along the way.

Imagine going into the new year having a clear direction, building traction toward your goals, and enjoying life along the way!

You can gain additional support and individual coaching sessions with Lacey Jones at RaisingConfidentMothers.com.

01 Source: Kathryn Minshew, “Most Employees say their workplaces are ‘toxic.’ What if you’re the toxic one?” Fortune, March 7, 2023.

Your Thoughts Are More Powerful Than You Think You may be struggling with your current work environment for many different reasons. But you can navigate your challenges from a place of empowerment rather than victimhood.

Maybe your workplace is harmful to your emotional health, and it’s best to step aside. Or maybe with the right emotional tools (like setting boundaries or managing difficult conversations), you can completely change the place around – for yourself and others.

Regardless of your choice, the way you think will hugely impact your experience. Life coaches who are certified by The Life Coach School use the CTFAR model as a tool. It helps us identify helpful and unhelpful thought patterns. Notice how different thoughts impact feelings, actions, and results below.

Circumstance > Thought > Feeling > Action > Result

#1

#2

#3

Circumstance: Your work environment Thought: "This is a toxic work environment, and I don't know what to do."

Feeling: Helpless, stuck Action: Spin in indecision Result: Don’t know how to move forward Circumstance: Your work environment Thought: "This is a toxic work environment, and I can promote positive change."

Feeling: Determination Actions: Initiate respectful and constructive conversations.

Results: Promote positive change Circumstance: Your work environment Thought: "This is a toxic work environment, and there are plenty of opportunities for me elsewhere."

Feeling: Hope Actions: Connect with people and ask about other employment opportunities Results: Find new opportunities

What thoughts do you have about your current work situation?

02

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Ready to Escape Work Toxicity? Start Here.

If you’re burned out and don’t know what to do, go to page...

07

If you’re having difficulty deciding whether to stay or leave your job...if you want helpful guidance on making a decision you feel confident about, this section is for you.

If you want to stay at your job and make it better, go to page...

21

Whether you’re burdened by the workload or a difficult boss, you can make changes within your workplace. A positive difference can start with you.

If you’re ready to leave and start a new chapter, go to page...

37

If you want guidance on how to exit your job and get excited about the future (and let go of self-doubt or regret) this section is for you.

The

Confident Mom Circle CLARITY. COACHING . COMMUNITY

The Confident Mom Circle supports women who want to create a life they love.

As a member, you'll have access to our monthly coaching magazine like this one, plus FREE live group calls with certified life coach Lacey Jones.

We help women thrive by providing invaluable tips and resources to help you navigate motherhood, work, and more.

Ready to create the life of your dreams? Subscribe to the Circle at LaceyJonesCoaching.com.

03

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Why I Left My Six-Figure Job A few years ago, I walked away from a sixfigure career. It was a leap of faith that profoundly impacted my life.

At first, the career was a great fit. It pushed me mentally and allowed me to work hard, which I love. I quickly grew into leadership as I provided helpful solutions for our new division.

Over time, circumstances changed. As new leadership came in, the demands stretched beyond what was realistic.

Messaging no longer aligned with my personal beliefs and goals.

04

There were high-stakes consequences based on whether or not we performed.

This led to changing attitudes and difficult interactions. And when outside factors like COVID came into play, the demands didn’t change – instead, they intensified.

My life balance felt out of whack, and I wasn’t showing up as the kind of wife and mother I wanted to be.

Alongside other working moms, many of us felt stuck as we sought to provide for our families.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

During this hectic time, I enrolled in The Life Coach School. As I learned how to apply the invaluable techniques I learned, it changed my outlook completely. I began to separate what other people said from my own emotions. I learned to differentiate between what I could and couldn’t control. I maintained boundaries even when I was asked to push beyond them. It was thanks to the coaching techniques I learned that I was able to stay in that career for as long as I did.

M O T H E R S

I felt the leap of faith that I needed was to focus on my own coaching business. I was determined to share the life skills I had learned with other women and moms who needed them.

But I didn’t take the decision lightly. It was difficult to walk away from the company where I had been working, built my network, and secured my income. When I finally made that phone call to tell my boss that I was leaving, I cried.

Learning to think intentionally allowed me to maintain peace despite the toxicity around me.

Even so, I wasn’t sure the amount of emotional effort required to do this was worth it for my well-being.

I had a decision to make so I asked for guidance from people I trusted. I also made it a matter of prayer. Finally, an inspired phone call to my brother made all the difference. I thought maybe he had a job lead for me. However, a few minutes into the call, we got into what was really going on in my life. His response stuck with me: “You're trying to take a leap of faith.”

My brother and his wife have ten kids, and they had taken their own leap of faith in moving from Denver to Boston for my sister-in-law to attend law school. My brother explained that the positive results they’d seen from that decision didn’t come until after they made the move and took their leap of faith.

05

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

There were many things I could have said on my way out the door, but I chose not to because I wanted to maintain who I was — respectful, professional, responsible, and a hard worker. It was a matter of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to feel afterward.

I was confident in my decision to leave but I wasn’t prepared for what came next.

Suddenly, I went from talking to people for 40 hours per week to feeling completely alone. At first, it was a nice break, but then it became disorienting. I had a moment that felt like everything was crashing in as I told myself, “I’m alone. I’m all by myself.”

06

M O T H E R S

But the interesting thing is – we find what we're looking for. I started to reach out, and I realized that I wasn’t alone; I was just developing a new community.

Having personally experienced this loneliness, I now offer loving guidance and community to other women – the support I personally needed at the time.

Looking back, it’s clear to me that I made the correct decision, and I’m so grateful I took the leap of faith. If you’re in a similar situation, let me tell you this: Everything's going to work out, but you will need support. You don’t have to do it this on your own. Let me help you.

Lacey Jones

Decide andThrive Choosing whether to leave your workplace or stay and make it better.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

07

Own Your Path: Strategies for Making the Best Career Decisions When faced with a toxic work situation, many say, "I don't like it here, but I don't know what to do…" This can result in unhelpful thinking patterns that only lead to feelings of indecision and doubt.

The truth is, you have choices. You are not stuck.

First of all, you can leave if you want to. Abundant opportunities await you, whether it's new employment or creating something for yourself. You can listen to many examples of inspiring women taking both paths on the Elevate the Individual podcast and while reading the Raising Confident Mothers Magazine.

You can also choose to stay if you want to. There are ways to find and create peace within yourself despite the negativity around you. As you do this, you also invite peace within your entire work environment.

So you have options. The important thing is to make a conscious decision and then own that decision.

This section's teaching topics and worksheets are designed to take you out of indecision and help you take the necessary steps forward. I am here for you and can help you walk through these ideas one-on-one.

You've got this!

08

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Building Your Decision-Making Muscles with the CTFAR Model When deciding whether to leave your job, it’s natural to feel anxious or uncertain. If you feel stuck, it’s a good idea to look at how your thoughts are impacting your decision-making. The CTFAR Model below is a tool to help you make empowered decisions that align with your desires. It goes like this: Circumstance > Thoughts > Feeling > Action > Result Let’s compare two different models related to beliefs around decision-making.

Model 1

Model 2

Circumstance: Your work environment changes in a way you don’t support.

Circumstance: Your work environment changes in a way you don’t support.

Thought: “I have no idea what to do.”

Thought: “I can make decisions that align with who I want to be.

Feeling: Insecure

Feeling: Reassured

Action: Spin in indecision, blame your circumstances.

Action: Calmly evaluate reasons to stay or leave your current job.

Result: You have no idea what to do.

Result: You make decisions that align with who you want to be.

What thoughts do you have about your ability to make a good decision? Are there any negative thoughts you would like to root out?

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

09

Power Thoughts for Positive Decision-Making Try out some of these examples of power thoughts (also called manifestations or affirmations) to create positive decision-making narratives. These are powerful tools to implement into your daily life. You can read them, repeat them out loud, or even record them and listen to them on the go!

“I can make the necessary decisions to develop my peace.”

“I know how to choose a path for myself.”

"I trust in my ability to make decisions that are right for me."

"Every decision I make is an opportunity for growth and learning."

"I will let go of fear and doubt as I make decisions."

"My past decisions do not define me; I am free to make confident choices now."

"I welcome the responsibility of decision-making as a chance to empower myself."

"I believe in my capacity to handle the outcomes of my decisions with grace."

Which statements resonate with you the most? What emotions do they inspire in you?

10

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

Nelson Mandela 11

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Balance Check: Is Work Zapping Too Much of Your Energy?

As humans, we will naturally come across negative environments — whether on the freeway, at your in-laws, or at the office. However, we can create happiness and peace within ourselves.

This requires us to create new narratives that are helpful to us. For example, to go from thinking, “This is the worst,” to “This is something I can improve.” Intentional thoughts create positive emotions, which then lead to positive actions.

Of course, different situations call for different amounts of energy to create helpful narratives. In some work environments, it's easier to control your thought process. In others, it requires more mental work to make it manageable. We may have to dig deep to formulate a narrative that is true and believable.

This is important to recognize because if you’re in a state of maintaining and protecting yourself, it leaves less room for you to develop your talents and share your light.

Eventually, there comes a time to determine if the energy you’re putting into work supports your personal goals and priorities.

You can use the self-coaching worksheet on the next page to see how your energy and goals are lined up. You can also get an outside perspective and guidance from an experienced life coach by booking a call with Lacey at LaceyJonesCoaching.com.

She’ll help you find practical ways to reclaim your energy and honor your priorities.

12

WHERE IS YOUR ENERGY GOING? SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Are you in a state of protecting and maintaining or growing and giving? (For example, feeling like you’re just trying to keep it together vs. developing yourself and sharing ideas at work.) Is this the state you want to be in?

Are you able to you manage your thoughts at work, or does it drain too much energy?

Using the example provided as a reference, illustrate what percentage of your energy goes toward work vs. other areas of your life. You can create as many categories as you want. passion projects

self-care

family/ children

work stress

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

13

WHERE IS YOUR ENERGY GOING? SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

What are your current life priorities?

Are you able to invest sufficient energy in them?

What does your ideal life look like 5 years from now? Is your workplace aligning with that ideal life, or hindering it?

Have big goals but don’t know how to break them down into realistic steps? 1:1 coaching can help you get clear on goals that align with you vision.

Book a free, 25-minute coaching call with Lacey at https://www.laceyjonescoaching.com/schedule.

14

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Seek Guidance that Counts

Turn outward and upward for guidance you can trust.

Talking with other people about your job situation can give you helpful data points for making your decision. Sharing your thoughts with trusted family members, friends, and mentors can give you insights you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.

And as women of faith, we can make our career decisions a matter of prayer. We can receive spiritual guidance in the decision-making process.

Keep in mind that many times, a decision is going to require a leap of faith. Confirmation that you made the right choice often comes AFTER you take that leap.

15

SEEKING GUIDANCE THAT COUNTS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Think of 2-4 people you trust whom you could talk to about your career decision. Who are they? What would you like to ask them?

What thoughts and feelings come to you as you pray about this decision?

16

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”

Roy Disney

17

Having Your Own Back How to Commit to Your Decisions It's normal to question our decisions occasionally. After all, we're only human.

But remember: any decision will have both positive and challenging consequences. For example, deciding to start your own business may give you more flexibility but require new skills.

When tough moments arise, resist the “woulda-coulda-shoulda…” trap. Instead, create narratives that help you stay committed to your decision. This will help you create the results you desire.

Also, remember the reason WHY you chose this path in the first place, and trust that you chose it with your best interest in mind.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you decide to stay and improve a difficult work environment. A few days after your decision, a coworker attempts to pass off some of their workload to you.

Let’s look at two ways you could respond to this. *Notice how the thoughts create different feelings, actions, and results.

18

Model 1 Circumstance: Your coworker tries to offload work to you.

Thought: “This is so unfair. I knew I should have quit.”

Feeling: Anger Action: Fume silently at your desk.

Result: The work environment becomes even more negative as you quit moving forward in a way that is fair to who you want to be.

Model 2 Circumstance: Your coworker tries to offload their work to you.

Thought: “I can set clear and respectful boundaries.”

Feeling: Peace Action: Kindly explain that you cannot take on extra work for your coworker.

Result: You set boundaries that free up time and energy for your work and family relationships.

HAVING YOUR OWN BACK: HOW TO COMMIT TO YOUR DECISIONS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Think about the option you’re leaning towards (staying or leaving your current place of work.) What challenging circumstances might come up following that decision?

What thoughts might be helpful to you in that situation?

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

“What if I really did make the wrong decision?”

In certain rare cases, you may discover that your choice wasn’t in your best interest. If you’re wondering if this is you, it’s a good idea to work one-on-one with a coach. She can dive into your unique situation with you and help you take the next best steps. You can try out coaching for FREE with Lacey Jones at LaceyJonesCoaching.com.

19

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Listen & Find Your Spark Elevate the Individual is a podcast hosted by Lacey, a life coach and mom of five boys. Lacey has connected with dozens of unique women who share how they balance work and family life.

You can listen to inspiring women and mothers successful in various businesses and professions.

They talk about faith and what it takes to maintain their mental health while supporting their families. You might hear from a woman whose story resonates with you and inspires you to take the next step in your journey. We help each other live our dreams as we care for our families.

Listen for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or LaceyJonesCoaching.com.

Elevate the

Individual

20

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Option #1 : Stay and Make it Better How to transform your experience within your work environment.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

21

Stay and Make it Better: Taking Control of Your Work Experience Many work environments can become toxic if you allow them to. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to leave. You can stay where you are and become a force for good.

If you believe in the the place you work and you think it’s just a culture shift that needs to happen, why not be the person to do that?

For example, if you are a passionate teacher, you can find ways to adjust your thoughts and interactions with faculty, parents, and students to create a more positive environment for yourself and others.

For example, you can create boundaries and handle difficult conversations with emotional control. You can decide who YOU want to be within each circumstance.

These types of skills will help you radiate positivity. This creates a ripple effect. A woman who is happy and at peace with where she is lifts others along with her. This section will walk you through several topics and worksheets to help you feel empowered within your workplace.

22

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Transforming Your Work Experience with the CTFAR Model Whether it’s a demanding workload, a nagging coworker, or a difficult boss, circumstances at work can put us in a place of negativity. But while most people blame their feelings on external factors, it’s important to realize that our emotions are actually created inside of us – by our thoughts.

This process is easier to understand and manage with the CTFAR Model. The Model is a tool used by life coaches who are certified by the Life Coach School. It goes like this: Circumstances > Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results Let’s compare two different models related to a challenging work environment.

Circumstance: Work demands double

Circumstance: Work demands double.

Thought: “This job is the worst.”

Thought: “I can set boundaries and have open conversations.”

Feeling: Resentful

Feeling: Empowered

Action: Work half-heartedly and act cold toward your supervisor.

Action: Bring up the issue to your supervisor, listen, and set appropriate boundaries.

Result: You create a difficult work environment for yourself and others.

Result: You create a work environment that promotes open conversations and healthy boundaries.

In the two models above, the thought process (not the circumstance) determines the feelings, actions, and results that follow. You can create narratives about your circumstances at work that take you out of victimhood and claim personal freedom and control.

Lacey Jones R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

23

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Separating Circumstances from Thoughts When work gets tough, the first step is distinguishing between our circumstances and thoughts. In the CTFAR Model, circumstances are facts that can be proven, such as, “I’m making $60K a year,” or ”I talked to six clients today.”

On the other hand, thoughts are the reactions we create in our minds. What we think is factual is often really a thought process. Try asking yourself, "Is this absolutely true?” If not, it is probably a thought rather than a circumstance. Below are some examples.

Circumstances

Unintentional Thoughts

My boss reminded me about a deadline.

“I’m being micromanaged.”

I worked 50 hours this week.

“They’re working me to death.”

My coworker said, “You’re late .”

“My coworker thinks I’m irresponsible.”

Our thoughts may be helpful or unhelpful, depending on the feelings and actions they motivate. Here are some positive alternative thoughts to the circumstances above.

Circumstances

24

Empowering Thoughts

My boss reminded me about a deadline.

“Everyone approaches deadlines differently.”

I worked 50 hours this week.

“I can set some boundaries around my schedule for next week.”

My coworker said, “You’re late .”

“My coworkers’ opinion of me is none of my business.”

SEPARATING CIRCUMSTANCES FROM THOUGHTS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

In the space below, write down a circumstance related to your current work situation. (Remember, circumstances are factual, so do your best to detach your opinions from them at first.)

Next, write down a thought you have related to the circumstance. (No need to judge or edit your thoughts; just take note of what comes to mind.)

Circumstance: Thought:

Circumstance: Thought:

Circumstance: Thought:

Circumstance: Thought:

It can be hard sometimes to pinpoint your thoughts on your own. Lacey can help you tune into your thought process and offer ideas that will help you feel more calm and content in your everyday life.

Reserve your free session with Lacey, a certified life coach, at https://www.laceyjonescoaching.com/schedule.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

25

A Simple, Yet Powerful Way to Transform Your Emotions If you think your work environment is toxic, you probably have other thoughts about it as well. These thoughts drive specific emotions inside you. Here are a few examples:

Example #1 Thought: “This is a toxic work environment, and I’m stuck.”

Feeling: Helpless

Example #2 Thought: “This is a toxic work environment, and I am the perfect person to initiate positive change.”

Feeling: Optimistic

Maybe your workplace is harmful to your physical or emotional health, and the best choice is to take a new path. Or maybe your experience has more to do with your thought process than the environment itself.

While our thoughts may seem automatic, we can experiment with thoughts that encourage more helpful emotions, which then drive more positive actions and results.

Recognizing this is empowering because it means that you have more control than you think over your feelings, actions, and results.

Our thoughts can make us feel trapped, or they can light a fire under us to make things better.

26

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

THE FEELINGS YOU CREATE SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Review the thoughts you jotted down on the previous worksheet regarding your work situation. How do these thoughts make you feel?

(You can use the word bank below for help labeling possible emotions.)

Some emotions that may come up due to thoughts about the workplace: Frustrated Anxious Angry Resentful Helpless

Exhausted Disgusted Desparate Overwhelmed Betrayed

R A I S I N G

Isolated Confused Defensive Demoralized Insecure

C O N F I D E N T

Disheartened Guilty Regretful Embarrassed Disconnected

M O T H E R S

27

CREATING NEW THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Now, let’s look at the circumstances you listed previously. But this time, come up with new, more intentional thoughts in response to each circumstance.

Then take note of the feelings each new thought creates for you.

Circumstance: New Thought: Feeling:

Circumstance: New Thought: Feeling:

Circumstance: New Thought: Feeling:

Need some help with this? Contact Lacey inside the Confident Mom Circle or through a private coaching session at RaisingConfidentMothers.com.

28

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Power Thoughts for Generating Positive Change We can empower ourselves through intentional thoughts that comfort and motivate us, even in a difficult work environment. Try on some of these thoughts for size: “I am exactly the right person to create the change needed here.”

“I can use my skillset to make the change I want to see.”

“I recognize the value of my work.”

“I possess unique qualities that make a difference.”

“I focus on maintaining my well-being and let go of negativity.”

“Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow.”

“I seek mentorship and support to navigate and overcome obstacles.”

“I can set boundaries and prioritize self-care to maintain work-life balance.”

Which “power thoughts” above resonate the most with you? In what situations can you apply thoughts like these?

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

29

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

Maya Angelou

30

M O T H E R S

Protect Your Peace: 3 Keys to Setting Personal Boundaries at Work Is there someone at work who violates your personal, physical, or emotional space? Does it make you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or devalued?

If so, it sounds like it’s time to set some boundaries. Below are three essential elements of an effective boundary. (For serious circumstances, report the issue or talk to someone you trust. A life coach can also meet with you individually to navigate boundary issues, big and small.) boundary is an action you will take if another person violates your space. #1 AIt refers to the response YOU will take, not simply how you wish the other person would act. It involves a consequence that you maintain control over. your boundaries clearly. #2 Communicate Other people may not understand your boundaries unless you tell them exactly what you expect and the consequences. For example: a. “If you continue to make inappropriate comments, I will have to let HR know.” b. “If you scream and shout during our meetings, I’ll excuse myself from the room.” c. “If you call me while I’m on vacation, I won’t answer.”

#3 Follow through with your boundaries.

When you follow through with your boundaries, others take you seriously. Otherwise, you will continue to be frustrated when they cross the line.

While it may initially feel awkward or intimidating, setting clear and appropriate boundaries opens the door for more respectful and positive relationships. Thoughtful boundaries protect you from resentment and foster a more positive work environment.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

31

SETTING EFFECTIVE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

List any instances at work where someone has violated your personal, physical, or emotional space. (A violation is more than a preference of what you would like someone to do – it's a violation of your personal, emotional, or physical space.) Next, think of possible boundaries you communicate.

Violations of Space

Boundary

(personal, physical, or emotional)

(plan of action)

Example: Your coworker repeatedly comes to you to vent and talk badly about people and situations at work.

Example: "Hey, I’ve noticed that when you vent to me, it makes it difficult for me to stay positive and productive at work. So if you bring up these kinds of topics, I’m going ask you to stop, and we can talk about something more positive.”

32

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

The Truth About Difficult Conversations As much as we would love work to be smooth sailing at all times, we’re bound to bump into disagreements here and there. Many employees become bitter because they aren’t proactive about approaching difficult conversations. Instead of being open about their concerns, they ruminate and vent to friends and family. This puts them into a spiral of blame and victimhood.

It’s normal to feel nervous about approaching sensitive or high-stakes discussions at work, but you can get better at it. To be happier at work, you can develop the skill to handle difficult conversations with patience, openness, and consideration. This nurtures a more positive environment for yourself and the people within your circle of influence.

Approach difficult situations with curiosity. Be clear and assertive while also being tactful and kind. The most significant indicator of how you will handle a difficult conversation at work is your thoughts and beliefs about: The other person (your boss, coworker, or client) Your work abilities The issues you are facing That’s because your thoughts generate certain emotions, and from those emotions, you take specific actions or inactions that create your relationship with that person. It’s worth taking the time to challenge and develop your thought process concerning your ability to have difficult conversations. Your emotional health at work depends on it.

33

PREPARING FOR DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Think about some of the issues in your work environment. What are your thoughts about these issues?

Do you have any limiting beliefs holding you back from approaching a person at work? For example, "She's just like that," or "He is in a higher position than me so I just have to deal with it

How might your thoughts be influencing your emotional responses and actions?

34

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

PREPARING FOR DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

What are positive alternatives to any negative thoughts and beliefs you identified?

Are you able to approach conversations with curiosity? Are you able to be tactful and kind while also being clear and assertive?

A note from Lacey...

If you’re in a sticky situation or you’re not sure how to approach someone, please reach out. As a woman with experience in a high-stress work environment, a mother of five boys, a substitute teacher, and a coach, there is practically no difficult conversation I haven’t heard of. Let‘s talk through it together over a free, 25-minute call. www.laceyjonescoaching.com/schedule.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

35

What your work friends will never tell you...

Friends at work naturally tend to validate your thought processes. For example, when you say, “Can you believe she said that?” your friend will say, “You’re so right. I can’t believe it either.”

A life coach, on the other hand, takes a different approach.

I’m Lacey, a mother of five boys, a successful business professional, and a certified life coach. As your coach, I hold space for new perspectives and challenge thoughts that keep you down.

Instead of feeding into the negativity, I ask, “Okay, she said that. Now, who do you want to be in that situation?

How can you think about this in a way that feels good and right to you?”

If you want to stay in your workplace and make it better, a coach can help you step away from the negativity and create a fresh start.

I’ve got your back. Our coaching process will empower you to take practical steps toward creating a life you love.

Learn more at LaceyJonesCoaching.com

36

Option #2: Start Your New Chapter How to leave your current workplace and start living the life of your dreams.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

37

How to Walk Away from Your Job With Your Head Held High So you’re thinking about leaving a difficult workplace once and for all. Or maybe you’ve made that decision to close down this chapter of your life and do something else. You might be feeling excited, relieved, worried, or scared. The great news is, there are abundant opportunities for employment or creating opportunities of your own.

As you think intentionally about this transition, you can approach it with confidence. Each person’s situation is unique, and so your plan of action should be unique to you. Maybe you’re ready to hop on LinkedIn and update your resume. Maybe you need some time to decompress after years at a demanding job. Maybe you need to start a business that offers you greater flexibility and a creative outlet.

Whatever it is that you need, you are capable of taking the next steps. You are not stuck.

There are plenty of examples of mothers who enjoy working in a variety of professions or who have started their own businesses. You can read or listen to their stories in previous issues of Raising Confident Mothers or the Elevate the Individual podcast.

This section will help you consider which thoughts will get you closer to your goals, overcome fear and doubt, and have your own back in your decision.

This is where we shine — helping you open that next chapter.

38

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

Making Your Next Career Move With the CTFAR Model It’s natural to feel scared or nervous when you’re planning a career change. However, it's important to remember where those feelings come from. While we often blame external factors (like a rejection email or criticism from your parent) your emotions are really created by your thoughts.

The CTFAR Model illustrates this important concept. Life coaches who are licensed by the Life Coach School are trained in this model. It goes like this: Circumstance > Thoughts > Feeling > Action > Result Let’s compare two models related to finding better employment or starting a business.

Model 1

Model 2

Circumstance: Your current job is no longer where you want to be.

Circumstance: Your current job is no longer where you want to be.

Thought: “I won’t be able to find anything that fits all my needs.”

Thought: “There is something out there that suits my needs, and I will find it or create it.”

Feeling: Defeated

Feeling: Confident

Action: Ignore opportunities for other employment or entrepreneurship.

Action: Research ways to earn income that match your needs and talents.

Result: You don’t find or create a job that fits your needs.

Result: You find or create a job that suits your needs.

In the two models, above, the thought process (not the circumstance) determines the feelings, actions, and results that follow. Your thoughts about your ability to make a good decision affect your feelings, actions, and results.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

39

Power Thoughts for a New Beginning Remember, you don't always have to change your circumstances to develop this mindset. You can start by simply choosing to believe in yourself and pursuing a course of action.

Try out some of these “power thoughts” (also called manifestations or affirmations) to create narratives that will fuel your journey.

“My unique skills make me valuable in a variety of jobs."

"Every experience, whether positive or challenging, has prepared me for the opportunities that lie ahead."

“I attract fulfilling opportunities aligned with my values."

“I am worthy of a job that supports my growth and well-being."

"I trust in my journey to discover the right career path for me."

"New opportunities excite me, and I'm ready to embrace them."

"I have the power to shape a professional life that suits me perfectly."

Which statements resonate with you the most? What emotions do they inspire in you?

40

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

Theodore Roosevelt

41

What is your

You get to decide how to close this chapter.

You can be intentional about how you want to exit and how you want to present yourself during the process.

This is a good idea, considering that you never know what future professional relationships can come through people at the company.

Remember that even if other people have been ornery and nasty toward you, you won’t be that way. You can walk away in a dignified, professional manner.

Please look at the questions on the following pages to create an intentional exit plan.

42

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

WHAT IS YOUR SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

In an ideal world, what would you want to do next? Do you want to rest for two weeks, then look for jobs? Do you want to create something of your own ?

How long do you want your transition to take? Six months? One week?

What support will you need as you exit? How can you ask for this support?

One-on-one coaching can help you find peace and get clear on your goals.

Reserve your free session with Lacey, a certified life coach, at https://www.laceyjonescoaching.com/schedule.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

43

WHAT IS YOUR SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

How do you want to communicate that you’re exiting? How much information do you want to share?

How do you want to present yourself as you exit? How can you hold your head high?

Do you want to have an exit interview? If so, what do you want to say in your exit interview?

44

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

The Secret to Overcoming Doubt and Fear When Starting a New New Chapter Chapter When making big decisions, our brain naturally wants to figure out every last detail, like: Will I be able to pay my bills if I make this change?

Do I need to learn a new skill set to make this change?

Do I need to get paid less to make this change?

Will I have to go from working remotely to working in person?

Your mind will naturally swirl with these kinds of questions when you disrupt your normal habits and ways of thinking. And your human brain is likely going to freak out right after you’ve made the decision. You might be sitting there the day after giving your two-week notice, thinking, “Oh my gosh, what did I just do? Why am I walking away from this?”

It’s only human to question yourself, so expect that it’s going to happen. Expect to feel some discomfort in the process of getting from where you are to getting to where you want to be.

But you have made the decision. You've gone through the research. You understand WHY you're making this decision. You know where you're headed. So don’t look back!

The CTFAR model will help you notice how your thoughts are affecting your feelings, actions, and results. Use this tool to stay on track and overcome fear and self-doubt.

45

BREAK IT DOWN AND GET SPECIFIC What is the specific result you want in your future job or business?

What are the exact actions you need to take to get that result?

Let’s work together toward your brighter future.

Let’s discover the steps you can take today to lead a happier, more balanced life for you.

Hop on a FREE coaching call with Lacey at https://www.laceyjonescoaching.com/schedule

46

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

INFUSE YOUR GOALS WITH GRATITUDE What feelings will help you take the actions you listed?

What thoughts related to prospective work or business drive those feelings for you?

Pro Tip: Rehearse this series of thoughts, feelings, actions, and results daily.

Practice the thoughts, allow yourself to experience those feelings, and visualize yourself with the results you’re aiming for.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

47

Having Your Own Back How to Commit to Your Decisions It’s a normal human tendency to question our decisions from time to time.

But remember this: any decision you make will have both positive and negative consequences. So trust yourself that you made this decision with your best interest in mind.

Model 1

When tough moments arise, it’s

Circumstance: Your business gets a 2-star review on Google.

important to resist the, “woulda-couldashoulda…” trap. These thoughts lead to

Thought: “I should have stayed at my job.”

negative emotions, actions, and results.

Feeling: Shame

Instead, make a clear decision and don’t

Action: Distract yourself instead of working on your business.

look back. Create narratives that help you stay committed to your decision. This

Result: Your business is stagnant and a low average rating on Google.

will help you create the results you want.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you decide to leave a difficult work environment and start your own business. Soon after opening your business, a customer

Model 2 Circumstance: Your business gets a 2-star review on Google.

leaves a 2-star review on Google.

Thought: “My business isn’t for everyone, there are plenty of people who will love it.”

Notice how the different thoughts create

Feeling: Determination

different emotions, actions, and results.

Action: Work to attract the right customers Result: Attract customers who love your business.

48

HAVING YOUR OWN BACK: HOW TO COMMIT TO YOUR DECISION TO MOVE ON SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

What potentially challenging circumstances might come up following your decision to leave your current job? What thoughts might be helpful to you in that situation?

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

Potential Circumstance: Helpful Thoughts:

“What if I really did make the wrong decision?”

In certain rare cases, you may discover that your choice wasn’t in your best interest. If you’re wondering if this is you, it’s a good idea to work one-on-one with a coach. She can dive into your unique situation with you and help you take the next best steps. You can try out coaching for free with Lacey Jones at LaceyJonesCoaching.com.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

49

Empowering Motherhood: Real Stories of Resilience and Purpose Have you ever felt alone as a mom? Or like you don’t have time to do the things you want because you’re so busy taking care of everyone else?

The Elevate the Individual podcast highlights stories from everyday moms doing incredible things. From doctors to jewelry makers, they share vulnerable moments about balancing motherhood and work. They share how their faith and creativity help them maintain their sense of identity and purpose. As you listen, you’re bound to hear experiences that resonate and inspire you.

As we elevate mothers, we elevate everyone around them. Listen for free today on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or at RaisingConfidentMothers.com.

30 50

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

New episode available each week on the website and all podcast apps.

Elevate the

Individual

M O T H E R S

Insights from Lacey..........

The Hardest Part About Leaving My Job That I Didn’t See Coming When I left a high-demand job, I went from working forty hours a week with clients and coworkers to working alone. I was ready to take the leap and let go of a six-figure income to create something I knew would bless me and others. But I didn’t expect the overwhelming loneliness that was about to hit me.

I had instantly lost communication with my entire network of people. I quickly started feeling disoriented, alone, and sad – like I was an island with no one to turn to. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to start building a support system ahead of time.

Thankfully, I changed my thought process and started to reach out and build a new community. As a life coach, I want to make it easier for other women in similar situations.

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

51

BUILDING IN SUPPORT FOR SUCCESS SELF COACHING WORKSHEET

Who can you reach out to for friendship and support as you make your shift away from your workplace?

What steps can you take to connect with new people who can uplift and motivate you as you create new opportunities for yourself?

NEED SOME HELP WITH THIS? Schedule a 1:1 coaching session at laceyjonescoaching.com to work through your thoughts.

52

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

“As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration.

Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.”

- Amy Poehler 53

R A I S I N G

C O N F I D E N T

M O T H E R S

It’s all in the details...

The curves and overlapping letters speak to creativity and approachability.

The double lines represent the journey we're on together as mothers and in our coaching relationship.

Arch shapes throughout my branding reflect the welcoming environment and support I give my clients throughout the ups and downs of motherhood.

Find more inspiration and support at RaisingConfidentMothers.com