Humor & Entertainment
Here’s a thing that no one tells you, or teaches you in school, ladies. Once you find yourself over the age of 20, your work, social activities, and family gatherings will nearly always turn into a conversation about
“BEER ALL AROUND” AT VORTEX ALLEY by Patrick Jordan
ACROSS 1. Hollywood legend Bette ___ 6. Torpedo or hand grenade 10. Tattered cloths 14. Sports stadium 15. Urgent request 16. Cheese often coated in red wax 17. "Night at the Museum" star (2 wds.) 19. Path-finding puzzle 20. Occupied a chair 21. Resignation phrase (2 wds.) 22. Roll sometimes topped with lox 23. No longer in style 24. Most achy 25. Feeling distressed 28. Fuzzy "Star Wars" creature 29. Music's "The Divine Miss M" (2 wds.) 33. Mooing mammal 36. Notable periods 37. "Try it! ___ like it!" 38. Volcanic spillage 39. Spot for a snug bug 40. Endangered Asian predator (2 wds.) 42. Coats that may be fake 43. Substance on some nail files 44. Premiere performances 47. Noise from a hen's brood 50. Praise highly 51. Assist a tree climber 52. The Little Mermaid's home 55. Comedic actor Ferrell 56. Tangy salad veggie (2 wds.) 58. "What ___ can I say?" 59. Soothing gel additive 60. Kingly domain 61. Number on a birth certificate
your love life. It’s the weirdest thing. You have a boyfriend longer than a few months? You will get asked daily when the wedding is going to be. (“I don’t know, Aunt Linda, when are you going to quit drinking two bottles of wine a day?”) My favorite, though, are the tongue-in-cheek comments. “You better lock him down before someone else does!” (“Oh, yes, Roberta, I’ve been dreaming of the day I can force a man to ask my hand in marriage solely so some tart won’t swoop in and steal him as if he’s a handbag on sale at Liles and Company!”) You get engaged and you’re so excited to announce it, but then begins the constant “When’s the big day?!” and Lord help you if you don’t set a date right away. Finally, you’re married, some relief from family members, acquaintances and practical strangers prying into your private life. NOPE. The moment you say “I do” they’ll move on to your sex life, i.e. “When will you have kids!?” Literally, my wedding ceremony had just ended and we were walking down the aisle together as husband and wife and my redneck uncle hollered from the crowd “Time for the honeymoon, woo-woo!”
62. Beachgoers' colors 63. Like a smart aleck's reply DOWN 1. Applies with light touches 2. It may be expressed in square feet 3. Air conditioning outlet 4. Walk-___ (unscheduled customers) 5. Satisfy completely 6. Grade that's two notches below A-minus 7. Stan's humor partner 8. Be introduced to 9. Structure inside Vortex Alley 10. Comment 11. Familiar saying 12. Steady looks 13. Oily food fish 18. Mentality measurements, for short 22. Uncultured person 23. Garfield and Odie, to Jon 24. Expand like a balloon 25. Modern taxi alternative 26. Land with Lima and llamas 27. Adult male deer 28. Jazz giant ___ Fitzgerald 30. Mike who voices Shrek 31. Electrically charged atoms 32. Created 48-Down 33. Nicolas of "National Treasure" 34. In excess of 35. Suspiciously cautious 38. Droopy 40. Cigarette remnant 41. Moves as a seesaw does 42. Not as empty 44. One of Donald Duck's nephews 45. Order to leave the country 46. Model builder's wood 47. Two-dot punctuation mark
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I was asked several times a week when I was going to have a baby. My husband? Not once was asked. We have a baby, just to shut everyone up. (Lol) Finally, thank you Lord, the questions will stop. THINK AGAIN. “When are you going to give him a baby sister?” But then wait, here’s where it gets good. You oblige, give him a sibling, maybe two. But the moment you announce you’re having a third baby, it’s when the questions flip. “You’re having ANOTHER kid!?” and my favorite, “You know what causes that, don’tcha?” All these questions are relevant to women who follow the stereotypical timeline society has put in place for us (boyfriend, engaged, married, babies, in that exact order), God forbid you are single into your 20s or *gasp* 30s, in a long term relationship but not married, married without children, or have children without being married. I know people are well meaning, and probably just attempting to be friendly, but you don’t know what people are going through behind closed doors, and sometimes these questions are hurtful or painful to hear, let alone over and over again. Don’t be an Aunt Linda, and definitely do not be the redneck (probably drunk) uncle.
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Cavities in the ground Mind-reading ability, for short Dracula portrayer Lugosi Relaxation resorts
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Slithering swimmers Navy's football rival Dracula can become one It grows inside a pod
Crossword Answers on Page 36
July 2020
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